World's Greatest Ninja

Chapter one.

I Have Seen Much.

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Obito was so done with this place it wasn't even funny.

Yes. He had admittedly suffered through the Honeymoon period of his culture shock first. Through the general all encompassing numbness and apathy he had been impressed by the buildings. By the funny clothes. All the different kind of shoes and socks people here felt the need to wear. And behold, a souvenir shop!

This happy pediod of awe and wonder had lasted roughly eight minutes. Then the frustration and rage had set in.

The trees were wrong! The air was wrong! Even his chakra felt wrong. But he really didn't feel like examining that further in such an open place. People here were all dumb fucks so at least that one thing had stayed the same.

But still it needed repeating people here were so very stupid. And weak. There was no politer way of phrasing it.

Obito had not been in any particular mood to disguise himself as a harmless civilian as he had examined his raggedy (and tragically alive) appearance. Both of his hands busy tugging at his hair which was not familiar, inky black nor was it chalky white but bright purple of all the damn possible colours. It made Obito idly wonder if he was being pranked. He certainly felt like a punchline of some giant cosmic joke.

Obito had settled on grimacing and resisting the urge to rip it all of his hair off.

It had only gotten better when he had tried to haul his exhausted ass up only to promptly fall on his face. In a puddle.

His limbs felt cold and shaky and about three sizes too small. His breathing was shallow and his head Felt dizzy. All classic signs of impeding chakra exhaustion. No matter. Recovery could wait, he wanted to get his bearings first. And he was used to bullying himself through pain and suffering. This was less than nothing.

He managed to walk out of the alleyway that had been his temporal haven and put on a passive enough face to not let out how shitty he was feeling.

That was when the stupidity of the general populace became painfully apparent.

Flocks of random people started whispering around him. Trying to steal glances at him in a ''subtle manner.'' Some just outright staring.

Then some random had stepped next to him, and the idiotic questions had started.

'' Was he alright? Did he need any help? Would he like to, perhaps, call someone?" Obito had just stared.

Obito was currently exhausted and dirty and purple, yes. But he was still a damn Ninja. Even without forehead protector, even the most dimwitted civilian child should be able to tell just by looking at his general appearance. His feet made no sound as he walked. He had obviously been in a battle. And half of his face was covered by an ugly scar. He was missing an eye! So that was a rather big hint for the otherwise oblivious idioits. Civilians rarely received scars quite like his. Or had missing eyes.

They should know better than walk up to a ninja without forehead protector. Know better than to start chatting. Better than to regard him with pity.

But apparently not. The dumb questions kept on coming. Obito took a long look at the man's feet. Some sort of leather shoes and socks. He would bet that they all wore socks. Obito fucking hated this place.

It was humiliating that it actually took some effort on his part to get rid of the flock of noisy idiots. Those were sixty seconds that he would never get back again.

Now then. First things first. He needed to go higher to asses his current location. So he naturally finds the tallest building and starts climbing. This turns out to be even more humiliating exercise than escaping from dimwitted civilians.

His chakra feels slippery. Slippery and heavy and unwieldy in a way it hasn't Felt since he first learned how to mold chakra. It suddenly takes actual concentration to direct it to his arms and legs. To make it move.

Instead of smoothly jumping to a wall and sticking there, he ends up sliding down and almost falling on his ass. His second attempt is more successful although instead of his feet he is hanging on the wall by his arms alone. Like some first year academy student.

He grits his teeth and tries to will the red on his cheeks away. Somewhere in the infinity of time and space. Eight-year old Kakashi is sneering at him, he just knows it.

He swiftly climbs higher and higher like a stupid civilian-born academy student. He is not sure if he can blame the nearing chakra exhaustion for this utterly humiliating need to use his hands to climb. He has chakra. Little. And it's being uncooperative.

He's half heartedly trying to solve the mystery of it when people get loud down on the ground.

When he glances down, he can't help but raise an eyebrow at the fuss people are making for some reason. The hell are they pointing for? Have they never seen a grown ass Ninja scale a building on the oldfashioned way before? Trying not to look too embarrassed, he swings his way from one balcony to higher one. Someone actually screams at that. And people keep 'aah' and 'ooh' ing at him. They are either making fun of him or folks here are just that bored that his stupid spectacle is enough to impress them.

He does not for a moment stop to consider that perhaps they have never seen an actual Shinobi before.

Setting his feet on the roof doesn't reveal much new info. Unfamiliar place with unfamiliar buildings and people. This city is like Ame. If Ame had more greenery and was ruled by boring civilians with dull imagination. Not a one metal statue sticking their tongue out in sight. No seals. No random platforms to land on. No ropes for ninja to walk on between the buildings. It's all very… dull.

Obito gets distracted when someone starts screaming at him on the ground level.

Some man who looks like he might be police officer of some kind is waving his fist at Obito. Clearly gesturing for him to come the fuck down. Obito ignores him and watches in mild interest as the man's face turns alarming shade of red and the fist waving intensifies.

He waits a moment. The police Officer doesn't climb after him. No one does. They all stay on the ground and stare like Obito has done something highly unusual and extraordinarily dangerous.

Something that feels distantly like worry starts to creep in. A city like this should have a sizeable ninja population but Obito can't spot any who look like they'd fit the part. That means they are all so well hidden that Obito can not spot even one or there are no Ninja here in the first Place.

Both options have their good and bad sides. And both options give him a sense of paranoia that makes him want to retreat somewhere relatively quiet and safe.

Making his way over the rooftops is another exercise in constant frustration. He needs to watch himself and his footing when he jumps. The distance his weary muscles propel him over, much smaller than he is used to, the roof tiles unexpectedly slippery when he can't stick to them with the usual amount of chakra. People keep flinching when his shadow glides over them. Even though usually civilians rarely even bother to lift their heads when a Ninja jumps over them.

"They are not used to this," Obito muses and runs.

It takes him roughly thirty-six minutes to realise that he's in a different World. That's when the apathy and crazier cousin of amusement set in.

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It's quite different. This World. This reality. And just as shitty as his old one. Just in a new shining way. Obito is filled with disgust towards the human race.

This World is better in some ways. There are massive amounts of free information for anyone to just take and learn as much as they wished. For Obito who had been born in a World where any kind of useful information was hoarded and hidden, or destroyed or falsified if at all possible, this was mind blowing.

It also felt like a huge mistake just waiting to happen but perhaps his upbringing had made him biased toward the subject. All the free information did make it much easier to understand this World. How assimilate himself into it. How to act normal.

There was a fuckton of things that kept surprising him. Apparently there were multiple different languages. Like that was a thing.

The language he spoke was apparently called japanese here. Which was spoken in Japan. An Island country in some sea that Obito couldn't bother to remember the name of.

That he could only speak to a small population of this world's people felt pitifully little when he was used to being able to do it with everyone old enought to speak.

After Small amount of research, he concluded that a language called English seemed to be in very wide amount of use. That and Mandarin chinese. Which seemed to be related to the language he was already speaking… somehow? There was nothing much left to do than to shut up and study. Not his greatest talent if his hazy memories of Academy days were to be believed. He made sure to cheat with his Sharingan as much as possible.

Which was not as much as he wished for because his chakra worked like shit in this World.

It had taken him over a month to recover from his chakra exhaustion. Over. A fucking. Month.

He remembers dying. Distantly. Vaguely. But he remembers falling into tiny pieces and dying as someone held him.

"Kakashi"

He had sat down and started to mold chakra in his stomach. An act so familiar and easier than breathing. He should have been able to do it in his sleep.

Instead his chakra Network system… had gone positively wonky. He wrestles with chakra exercises for an panicked hour. Prods and pokes at the familiar energy inside his coils. It's subtle but after some searching he notices something strange. Something extra that wasn't there before.

His physical chakra feels normal. It acts normal. It moves to his stomach to be molded as normal. But his spiritual chakra… It has gone slightly weird.

Like it's on fire.

He tries to make it move. And it does but it's sluggish. Out of whack and sharper somehow. Like a familiar song, sung in a different tempo. Obito has difficulties keeping up.

But still. This is such a vital part of him. Part that has stayed with him when all the rest have gone broken or disappeared.

He coaxes and wrestles with it. The energy moves better inside of him when he is resolute. It seems to respond to strong feelings best.

So he pushed down the familiar cold apathy in his chest and remembers at the familiar faces he saw in the war. The very last- The last face he saw-

He'd like to see it again.

It takes him a whole slow second to realize he has set himself on fire.

He flinches like some idiot genin. The fire doesn't hurt, and that's generally bad. That means the nerves are too dead to feel anything.

But he does feel something. The flames are warm where they lick his fingers without hurting him. All mixed shades of purple and orange.

More purple. Fine. Fuck it. He can deal with purple. Color his whole damn World purple, why don't you. Obito can deal with it.

But Orange.

This shade is not like fire. Not really. It's more like a young man's jacket. More like a dead child's goggles. And it burns Obito inside so much more than real fire ever could.

Yeah. He does not care for orange.

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His current apartment is a Small and dark and painfully modest place. He has not bothered with comfort items but there is a medium sized mirror that came with the apartment hanging on a wall.

He does not care for mirrors. Does not like looking into them. Is often unsettled by what he sees and thus he avoids them whenever he can. But this is more important than silly feelings like comfort and so he forces himself look at his mangled face. How it's same and different.

He looks younger, he's fairly sure. His age stopped mattering countless years ago, but he can't deny his cheeks look little softer and rounder. His single eye is slightly wider and the same purple shade as his hair. He pokes at his scarred cheek with a finger and looks at the limb. How it's shorter more willowy. While the fingers are still as callused and scarred as they have ever been. But the color of the skin while pale is not the disgusting paper white of Zetsu's.

He has not tried to use Mokuton. He has not had enough chakra for it and now he doubts if he even can anymore.

He forces his wildfire of a chakra into his eye and shuts it in pain. There's salt water on his cheek, falling down, he ignores it with dignity.

The eye staring back at him in the mirror is red with a single tomoe. Like an eye of a child who died long ago.

There's blank moment in time where he doesn't move. Doesn't think of anything. Just exist in this horrible reality.

Then he takes the mirror from the Wall, opens a window and hurls the damn thing out. There's a sharp cry of pain from below and someone starts swearing. It makes him feel only minimally better.

Fuck this all. Fuck all the character growth and personal breakthroughs he made during the war. They just got hurled out of the window alongside with his mirror. He can't stand being himself right now. He doesn't want to be anyone.

So he wastes his meager, infernally slowly growing chakra suply on a minor genjutsu. He wraps it around himself. Just a Black hooded robe and a dull colorless mask. No need for any designs or swirls or clouds. He just wants to disappear.

He slumps down on the floor and contemplates about death.

Then his door is kicked in with a loud 'bang' and in marches a pissed off looking, blue-eyed clone of Minato-sensei (because-of-fucking-course!).

"Oi, Kora! Were you the bastard who threw a fucking mirror at me!"

His shattered mirror is being waved angrily above him in a very threatening manner. It's cracked beyond repair but he can still see his masked face being reflected back.

Obito wonders if he just ignores this person hard enough, will he go away?

"Oi, Fuckface! I'm talking to you! Don't ignore me, kora!"The stupid blue eyes glare down at him. Trying to catch his eye(s) behind his mask.

This blond moran obviously has a stupid verbal tick. Because when it's not a damn catchphrase, it's a stupid verbal tick. Of. Fucking. 'Course.

Obito is too busy playing that he doesn't exist to answer any of this dumb fuck's questions.

He's perhaps doing it too well when the anger starts to ebb away, replaced by disgusted concern.

"You are not dead, are you?"

Obito Still doesn't move. Not even when the tosser nudges at him with his booted foot. His meditative state of repeatedly thinking 'fuckofffuckofffuckoff''
on a loop has calming properties. How exciting.

What's less exiting is when the clone bows over him and reaches for his mask, apparently wanting to take it off.

'Yeah, nope.' It's slightly funny how the blond clone flinches when Obito grabs him by the wrist, snake quick and squeezes.

"Kora! Let go bastard! The hell for are you laying on the floor for anyway?"

Obito kind of wants to snap this intruders wrist bones into pieces but just can't dig up enough energy to be bothered.

So he let's go and says, "Death and despair."

The idiot blinks. "What?"

"I was thinking death and despair." Obito pauses. "Not necessarily in that order mind."

"Riiight…" The blond squints at him, eyebrows raised, looking highly judgemental.

"You depressed or something?"

That's absurd.

"That's absurd." Obito blurts out. "Ninja don't get depressed."

"Uh-huh." Blondie raises his eyebrows higher and manages to look even more judgemental. "So you are a ninja now?"

"Of course." Obito frowns behind his illusionary mask. "Is it not obvious?"

If the clone tries to raise his eyebrows any higher Obito fears they will fly off.

"Okay. Sure. Whatever you say, kora. But this-!" The clone slams the mirror down like its a particularly heavy piece of condeming evidence.

"This is what I came to talk about, kora! What the hell did you throw a mirror at me for asshole!"

Obito is laying down in an undignified heap, and his face is hidden, so he makes extra sure his condescending tones are perfectly clear.

"I wasn't even aiming at you. How is it my problem if you can't dodge."

There's a vein throbbing on the clone's temple. And now that he looks closer, also a rather handsome sized bruise.

Obito feels slightly cheered up.

But whatever. The blondie curses at Obito long and hard and flips a bird at him before he storms off the same way he came.

But not before hurling the cracked mirror at Obito's face.

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A/N Lol If Obito's opening line to Colonello wasn't the most Uchiha thing to say, I don't know what is.

Colonello wasn't even supposed to be in this chapter. I went to get water and he was kicking the door in goddamnit. I'll just write, while you boys do your thing, alright.

Obito is bitching about his chakra for a good reason. His reserves are very Small now compared to what he had. No more amazing tree jumping. He has to settle for Assasin Creed style parkour. At least for now.

Leave a review on your way out and let me know what you thought.