Well, that was certainly well received.  It seems that you were all able to appreciate the ripening of the sweet sweet fruits of last chapter…yes, I need to just shut up and write the next chapter before I start waxing poetic.

*****

One More Try

Part 17

*****

"Okay…go ahead and look." Jet's mouth was twitching at the hint of a smile as he opened the door to my room upon my return from the hospital to the Bebop.  Spike was right beside me, seeming as though he still wasn't convinced I should be walking around, much less walking around while carrying our baby.  Alex was sleeping soundly as he had been for nearly an hour now.  It was a wonderful thing, but I knew that soon enough, he'd wake up squalling and ready to be fed.  I stepped past Jet to see whatever it was he had done to my room while I was gone and my mouth dropped open in surprise.

"You…where did you get it?" I indicated the crib that was neatly assembled at the foot of my bed, made up with the blankets I had purchased just last month and some sheets and pillows that Jet must have also found on his own.  Jet merely shrugged at my question as though he found it much more amusing when I didn't get to know everything.  Well, fine.  It didn't really matter where he'd gotten the crib.  After all, it wasn't like he'd purchased it in the black market.

"Do you like it?" Jet wanted to know, and he was just as excited as the redhead who was bouncing up and down beside him.  Ed was so wound up about everything she couldn't decide whether to attack Spike, Alex, me, or all three of us, so she was still just bouncing.  "Think of it as a birthday present for the baby."

"Thanks!  Thank you so much…"  I didn't know what to say, so I gave him a smile that obviously conveyed how grateful I felt for everything he'd done for me, considering the modest blush that graced his cheeks as he scratched the back of his head.

"Ah, don't worry about it." He told me, shifting from one foot to the other uncomfortably.  "Just hope everything's fine in here…I think I'll go start dinner then." And with that he was gone.  At the word "dinner," Ein followed the tall man, and since Ein followed, so did Ed.  Spike stepped into the room to get a better look at the crib, and he seemed to be staring at it very hard.

"Nice, isn't it?" I asked him, still smiling warmly from my excitement at receiving the unexpected gift.  He turned to me, a small smile on his lips momentarily before he spoke.

"Yeah, it's nice." And then he lapsed back into pensive silence.  It was unbelievably awkward, and I couldn't think of why we suddenly seemed to have a rift of silence between us.  It was just a crib, after all.  It didn't change the fact that he loved me and I loved him.

"Is something wrong?" I asked him after a while, shifting Alex in my arms to a more comfortable position.

"I was just thinking." He shrugged.  "I mean, is it a good idea to share a room?"

"With Alex?" my brow furrowed in disbelief.  "Yeah, I'm his mom, remember?"

"No…ah, never mind." Spike looked extremely flustered, and I realized that I must have missed something there, although I couldn't tell what it was that had slipped past my notice so cleanly.  Arms full of babies are distracting like that.

"Well…I'm pretty tired." I yawned and turned to lay Alex down in the crib.  It was a tricky procedure to pull off without disturbing the little guy, and of course I failed miserably.  He wasn't even halfway down when I was pulling him up again to try and bounce away those early whimpers that build into full-blown tantrums.

"I can take him." Spike volunteered as the baby calmed slightly, and I rolled my eyes at him.

"Now that he's feeling sleepy again, I'm sure you could." I teased him.  Now, I wasn't intending to be mean, but apparently neither of us had gotten enough sleep, and Spike's face was quickly arranged in an indignant scowl that I was all too familiar with.

"Whatever." He turned and left the room.  I sighed and turned to the baby who was now making soft noises against my shoulder.

"Promise me you won't turn out like that?" I asked, and in response he blinked bright green eyes at me.  I guess I took that as a yes.  Hell, it was better than nothing.

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I'm going to tell you something now that is very important and may even affect your future choices if you have yet to approach the child issue.  Children are not easy.  They take a lot of work, and for a long time, it seems that all they can do is cry, wet themselves, eat, wet themselves again, and then commence with the crying.  Yes, it's really not as fun as it seems to be in theory, and I was learning that really fast with Alex, who Spike had taken to calling Ty as his own form of rebellion against the "dork name."  The most irritating thing was that for some reason, Jet was calling the baby Ty as well, and so of course Ed started in on it.  And I felt distinctly as though I had been tricked out of my right at first name picking privileges.  I won rock paper scissors fair and square, after all.  Oh well, I suppose Ty isn't that bad, and it wasn't like the kid would have a hard time spelling it.  Not that I was worried he wouldn't be the single smartest baby in the universe, but all the same.  It made things simpler.  And at least I knew that his real name was Alex.  Er…Alexander.  Yes.

Now, to the point of all this.  You see, Alex or Ty or whatever you want to call the baby, was just as difficult as his father, and sadly, I'd known Spike for a lot longer.  So even though there's a big difference between not getting any sleep because someone's out getting drunk and picking fights and not getting any sleep because someone keeps soiling themselves and needing you to clean it up and sing every song you know to get them back to sleep, the end product was the same.  Ty…I mean Alex…was very time consuming and very exhausting.

In retrospect, I realize that I was being maybe a little over-possessive, but what first time mother isn't a bit on the neurotic side?  I wanted everything perfect, and I wanted to do it all myself, despite the help that I knew the others were more than willing to give.  In fact, Spike became rather alienated after a few weeks of me shoving him away or refusing his assistance, and he eventually retired to his old standby, the twenty-four hour You-Can't-Tell-I'm-Pouting-If-I-Just-Refuse-To-Look-At-You, one of my Spike Spiegel favorites.  So you see, it was just as much his childishness as my possessive mothering that formed a sudden rift between us.  It seemed things had changed since the confession in the hospital room, and I was starting to wonder if there was just no hope for the two of us.  I mean, seriously, I was starting to get really frustrated with the whole thing, and I was so busy and sleep-deprived with Ty that I couldn't really spare time to ponder his stupidity.  But then…when it was night and I was blessed with a few quiet moments…I would wonder what Spike was doing, and I actually missed talking to him more than anything else.

It's weird, isn't it?  I always thought that when I met the man I loved I'd just want to jump him all day and couldn't be around him without having a multitude of sexual thoughts, but now that I was well and truly in love…well, it wasn't like I didn't think Spike was hot.  I mean, he is.  But the thing is that what I really wanted from him was something more emotional, as girly and clichéd as that sounds.  And it was driving me crazy having to go without any sort of relationship with the lanky man who was the father of my child.  I missed him, and it was stupid, and I eventually realized how stupid I was being about everything.  I wanted to be with Spike, and he had told me he loved me, and I loved him, so what were we waiting for?  Tiny cherubs to come from the sky and shoot us through the hearts?  A desperate life or death situation?  I think not.  I mean, I may be the oldest woman of my age ever to walk around, thanks to the wonders of cryogenic freezing…but life is short.  And I had wasted so much time on this one little hang up, this stupid insecurity and awkwardness, that it was becoming utterly ridiculous.

So from hearing me thus far, I'm sure you'd think that I'd get off my ass and do something about it, right?  Well, you'd be wrong.  Because in the end, it was Spike that decided to get everything cleared up.  As I've said before, patience is a virtue that he has precious little of.  So one night, at the ungodly hour of 4:35 am, I was heating up a bottle while balancing a whimpering baby on one weary hip when Spike entered the darkened kitchen as though he often strolled into the kitchen at that hour.

"Hey," he said, opening the fridge as though that was his entire purpose, and though a midnight snack wasn't unusual for him, I was a bit surprised to hear his voice.  He had been giving me the silent treatment like some moody woman for about two weeks now, and I had grown so accustomed to it that I had almost forgotten how sweet his voice felt on my ears.  How it was soft and just a little husky when he was sleepy, how it came out low and warm and thick like chocolate sauce, and how it made me feel when I heard it.  "You're up late."

"Ty's hungry." I told him, feeling my heart pound a bit faster when he closed the refrigerator door without actually pulling anything out and turned to look at me through sleep-lidded eyes.  "I was warming up a bottle."  Why did I feel so nervous?  I felt like a twelve year old girl who was talking to her secret crush or something, and it was pathetic.  I hoped that Spike couldn't tell.

"Can I help?" his voice didn't hold a lot of strength right then, and it made me feel guilty.  He had asked me that so many times only to be refused.  No wonder he stopped asking, stopped talking to me, avoided me almost altogether, which was quite a feat considering we lived on an enclosed ship.

"Uh," my instinct was to say no, but the same inner voice that had already told me off for being such an idiot about the Spike issue immediately reminded me that Ty was just as much Spike's son as he was mine.  "Do you want to test the milk for me?"  A simple enough task, and I was trying for a compromise here, a sort of implied apology for the uptight bitchiness of the past weeks.  Even though he had definitely been a baby about it.  Well, he had.

"Okay." He sounded ridiculously eager for someone who was typically so aloof, but then I thought about how little he'd been allowed to do since we'd brought Ty home, and I felt stupid all over again.  He was picking up the bottle with the tongs I handed him, and I watched as he looked at me a bit unsurely before squirting a little on his wrist like he'd probably seen me do about a zillion times.  I smiled at him and nodded, and the response was more than I could have hoped for.  Very few times does Spike offer up to anyone, even me, a real, true, genuine smile, and this was one of those times.  I felt happy and sad all at once.  I wanted to kiss him and tell him how stupid I was and apologize and beg for forgiveness and tell him how wonderful he really was even though I treated him like shit sometimes…but instead I just blushed and accepted the bottle he handed me.  It was warm, but not too hot of course.  "Is it alright?"

"Yeah, thanks." I told him, and then I was lost.  What should I say?  I knew that I wouldn't get infinite chances with Spike, and it seemed like every one I got, I let slip through my fingers like water.  "Wanna sit down?  I'm a little tired of standing."  Wow, slick Faye.

"Sure." Spike followed me to the couch and sat down, fiddling with the torn hem of the old shirt he slept in for quite some time before speaking up again as Ty silently nursed.  "You must be really tired."

"You have no idea." I agreed immediately.

"I could…you know…I could help." He sounded unsure, and so thoroughly not like Spike that it only intensified my already strong feelings of guilt.  "With Ty, I mean.  You shouldn't have to do everything yourself.  I told you I would help, you know."

"I know." I nodded, feeling foolish.  "I just…yeah.  I'm sorry.  I shouldn't have been so…you know."

"Jet said…since it's your first baby and all…" Spike was having as much trouble finishing coherent thoughts as I was.  That made life simpler.

"But that's still not fair to you." I told him, blushing like mad and hating myself for it.  "After everything…and what you said."

"I meant it." He told me, obviously understanding what I was saying, fragmented as it was.

"So did I." I glanced up at him and was relieved to see him looking relatively pleased, a small smile quirking his mouth the slightest bit, his eyes dancing as I let myself drift in the hypnotic, two-tone gaze.  "What's wrong with us?"

"Nothing, really." He answered, brushing a lock of hair back from my face.  "I bet this is how all parents are."

"Sure." I laughed at that, the thought of hundred of thousands of families living as bounty hunters was frankly amusing.  "But really, why can't we just let ourselves be happy?"

"Dunno." He leaned back and stretched his arms over the headrest, one draping lazily over my shoulders as Ty began to fall asleep, having thoroughly devoured his midnight snack.  "Maybe we got so used to dealing with bad stuff, we can't handle the good things anymore."

"Maybe we can if we try." I told him, closing my eyes and letting my head rest on his shoulder.  "Spike?"

"Yeah?" he asked, sounding a lot more like himself now that we'd had our little chat.

"Can I sleep in your bed?" I didn't ask for how long, I just thought it seemed like a really good idea, sleeping with him.  Just being with him at all for any amount of time was so nice, and it was something I had come to need more than anything else.

"Let's put Ty to sleep." I took that as a yes, and I guess I was right.  Ten minutes later we were both in bed, and even though I had deprived the poor man for months, he didn't go any farther than a few fervent kisses to my throat before settling against me with my face to his chest and his arms around me.  It was the best thing I'd ever had, and I didn't ever want to forget it.

"I love you Spike." I told him when I started to drift off, which took very little time.  "But I swear…if that baby cries, you get it.  It is your turn."

"No problem." I could hear the smile in his voice, and his arms tightened slightly.  In that moment, between sleep and wakefulness, I realized that all was right in my own little universe, and that no matter what happened, I would have this.  I would be complete for the first time ever, and I would never let it go.

I don't think Spike minded that much.

*****

THE END!!!