It wasn't a dark and stormy night – which was a shame, because weather like that would have complemented Batman's mood perfectly.

The Dark Knight was presently standing on top of one of the highest buildings in Gotham city's East End, cape slowly billowing in the wind while he was staring out over a city that seemed to have picked the worst time to calm down to an ordinary big city instead of a simmering cesspool of violence and crime. Two hours and all he had managed to do was stop a break-in and scare away a potential car-thief. The regular citizen was no doubt content, but Batman had been looking forward to working off some frustration on hapless criminals when he left the Batcave a few hours before.

When had his life become like a pathetic soap opera, with endless juggling of complicated relationships, anyway? Much as he cared for his boys, sometimes he couldn't help but miss the time when there had been just one of them. More to the point, a time when the one and only Robin had been a boy who listened to Batman – and generally did as he was told. Not a young man with strong opinions of his own, regularly falling out with his mentor, and the big brother to three more Robins with equally firm views on life in general and crime fighting in particular.

Not that Batman would say it out loud, but the period before Robin became a legacy had been a much simpler time. A happier time, in a way, with less responsibilities and fewer regrets.

He glared in the general direction of the neighbouring town of Blüdhaven and wondered whether the criminal gangs had decided to move shop over there. A lone and young vigilante was, after all, bound to seem an easier adversary than Batman, especially as the latter had several partners as well as a well-stocked armoury at his disposal.

Perhaps a trip with the Batmobile over there would be in order… If he didn't mind getting on the really bad side of Nightwing, that is. He snorted to himself – it probably wouldn't make much difference at the moment.

The situation in the Wayne extended family had been unusually agreeable lately; no-one had used excessive violence towards someone else for several months, and everyone was on speaking terms, even if the words spoken between some members tended to be short, few, and expressed with a certain aggressiveness. Still, the Wayne patriarch took what he could get. With years of anger, conflict and competitiveness in fresh memory, the occasional "fuck off" or "mind your own business" was as close to a functioning family life as he had had for a long time.

However, a disagreement last night between himself and Dick – the most easygoing person in the cape community, towards everyone except his mentor and father figure – had sent the young man back to Blüdhaven. Sulking, in Bruce's opinion, though the words "livid" and "outraged" had been used by other people. If the boy could only see that it was all for his own good…

Batman's mind was mercifully yanked from musing over domestic problems when an unexpected, strong light flashed over the Gotham River, presumably from something going on in the harbour area. Welcoming the new turn of events, Batman took care to put on a scolding face meant to intimidate and took off.

The light phenomena had long since disappeared when Batman landed on one of the roofs overseeing the harbour. Unwilling to give up on his distraction he decided to search the area to try to identify where the light reflexions had emanated from and swung himself down to the ground level.

Three searched blocks later he came upon a warehouse with lights coming out of the windows on the ground level. Following the adage that forewarned is forearmed, he went from window to window to ascertain what was going on and after a short while he spotted the shadow of a figure on the wall inside the building.

As far as he could make out, the person was alone and not doing anything in particular; the shadow didn't move over the wall, although it was dancing in a peculiar way. It looked rather as if the light source had been an open fire, even though the light coming from the windows was just as cold and steady as could be expected from the electric fittings in a warehouse. When he was certain he could learn no more from the outside, he carefully made his way in, keeping to the shadows as he entered to surprise the person inside.

If it even was a person, Batman amended to himself when he reached the room with the single occupant. The figure seemed to flicker in shape and colour; as if the body couldn't decide whether it belonged to a short, homely woman, a tall, voluptuous redhead, or an old lady with grey hair.

Batman scowled; apparently, there were either some advanced cloaking technology or magic at work. Both options promised more complications than the straightforward fight he was itching for. Still, he needed to contain the situation.

Never one to miss an opportunity to play up the element of drama, he soundlessly stepped out of the shadows and waited for the female figure to notice him. Since she had her back turned towards him and seemed to be humming for herself, he anticipated that it might take a while.

"Hello, dear. I'm glad you could turn up on such short notice," a voice instantly greeted him.

The female presence turned towards him and even though her face was still something of a mist Batman could swear she had a smile on her face. However, seeing him made the figure hesitate and tap a finger to her mouth.

"My, my, you're not what I expected. Or rather, not whom I expected," she remarked.

Batman tensed, and for a second his thoughts went to his family. Was the strange apparition looking for one of them? She could hardly have mistaken him for one of the younger boys, but Jason or Dick… Jason was almost as big as he was, though in his leather jacket and red helmet one had to be hard pressed to confuse them.

"Oh, but I know who you are!", the woman exclaimed, her figure still shifting in appearance. "My fiancée has talked about you – he's very well acquainted with your friend Superman. Or Clark Kent, if you prefer. For a second, I thought you were him, you know. Silly me, your colour choice should make it clear that you're not, shouldn't it?

Very few people knew Superman's secret identity, and Batman prided himself on knowing who all of them were. This strange woman was not on his list. And if she knew about Clark Kent…

As to confirm his worst misgivings the female figure nodded and continued.

"You're Bruce Wayne, of course. Billionaire, vigilante, family man, philanthropist, businessman and what not. I'm so pleased to meet you, dear."

Damn. This was going to be a problem. Batman glared at the woman.

"Who are you?"

"Me? Oh, just a friendly visitor from the fifth dimension."

Once his brain had caught up with his ears, not even Batman's considerable willpower could stop him from groaning. Problem was putting it mildly.

"Mr Mxyzptlk…?"

The woman nodded, contentedly.

"That's him – my fiancé. He always seems to have so much fun when he visits your world – too much fun, I should probably say. He keeps telling me about growling tiger lilies and what not. I decided it was my turn."

She scrutinised the man in grey and black and gave him an apologetic smile.

"I'm not too familiar with this place – I'm sure you can understand, young man. I thought I would take a trip to Metropolis and see what all the fuss was about, but I suppose I took the wrong turn somewhere because this isn't Metropolis, is it? If I remember correctly, Bruce Wayne resides in… Gotham city?"

The woman's apparition had settled down, and she was now a beautiful redhead with a seemingly benevolent disposition. Not unlike some of the regulars on Bruce Wayne's charity functions, if he were honest. But if she was anything like the blasted Mxyzptlk, she was powerful enough to make serious trouble.

"What do you want?"

"Well, dear, I was planning to see the sights and hopefully meet some nice people, but I do believe I need to change my location to fulfil that wish. At least when it comes to the sightseeing part – looking at old crates wasn't exactly on my to-do list."

She gave Batman a thoughtful look, but if she considered adding that the place also suffered from a noticeable lack of nice people, she was too tactful to utter the words.

"Who are you? What are your intentions?"

"My my, I have to say dressing up as a giant – bat, was it? – doesn't seem to do anything to cheer up your disposition, dear," the woman remarked, obviously deciding that politeness had its limits, and looking critically at Batman. "I don't see the attraction of a costume like that myself, but to each her own, I always said. But if it only makes you miserable and doesn't stop you from longing for the good old days, what's the point of this whole set-up?"

Batman didn't feel that the comment deigned an answer, but after a full minute of him glaring and the woman staring expectantly at him with a dazzling smile, he gave up.

"I'm not dressing up – and it's not for fun," he grated.

"But why then, dear?"

"… It's my – work clothes."

"Ooh, I see. But wouldn't something with a little less risk of getting stuck in the door be more convenient…? Wearing such a long cloak seems to be inviting accidents, and that large piece of equipment you have on your belt must surely be a nuisance when you try to sit down… Doesn't those hooks get stuck everywhere? It really looks awfully uncomfortable, dear."

"It's worked well enough for me," he snapped, quickly losing his patience.

Some of his Robins might enjoy bantering with criminals, but with few exceptions, Batman preferred a strong and silent image. But somehow, he didn't think that declaring 'I am the night' would do him much good against this particular adversary.

The woman made a humming noise and continued to stare thoughtfully at Batman.

"I'm Miss Gsptlsnz, by the way. Just a friendly visitor from the neighbouring dimension, as I said. Mxyzptlk has told me so much about this place, and I don't mind telling you, sometimes I feel bad for poor Superman, what with all the pranks that rascal Mxyzptlk has pulled on him."

"Then you should…"

"I thought I ought to call on him and perhaps do him a favour or two, you know, to make up for all his trouble," the woman continued, not bothering that Batman tried to get a word in. "But here I am, and here you are, Superman's very good friend. I think – yes, I think I should start with doing you a favour. He will appreciate that, won't he?"

Batman startled; he had personal experience with Mxyzptlk, as well as with another meddling imp, besides all the tales he had heard from Clark. A favour from the imp's girlfriend couldn't spell anything but disaster; heavy on the dis, as Dick had been fond of saying when he was younger.

"No!" he exclaimed, in a voice that was more Bruce Wayne than Batman. The unwanted guest's appearance, so much like a certain type of woman found in the Gotham upper-class circles, made the part of him used to handle well-meaning but befuddled women take over. "That's very kind of you, but please don't. I'm perfectly content and don't need your help. Superman will be most grateful if you could return home and keep your fiancée occupied with… anything, really. That is the only favour he would ask, I assure you."

"Nonsense, my dear fellow; no trouble at all," said Miss Gsptlsnz heartily.

Oh yes, she would fit right in at a Wayne charity function, Batman thought with an involuntary shudder. Insisting on making large donations, trying to pinch Damian's cheek and setting Dick up with a date; the success rate was generally the same although their preferred method of deflection was starkly different.

"I can clearly see you are not happy and that you keep regretting old mistakes, and we can't have that, can we? Happiness is what everything is all about, isn't it? Now, there was a time when you were happier, weren't you…"

Clark never told me the bloody imp could read minds, Batman cursed to himself. He took a deep breath and prepared to put his foot down, with a scowl that could rival Damian's on a bad day.

"Stop this foolishness, at once! The only favour Superman and I want from you is that you return to your home!"

The imp – impess? – was sadly unimpressed by the Batman's glare.

"But it is the least I can do. And I'm all for giving people a second chance, you know. Relax, dear, this will not hurt at all…"

Batman tried to avert his glance and shield himself with his heavy cape, but suddenly he was surrounded by a shimmering light that permeated everything – the cape, his eyelids, his very head. It felt like an explosion of fiery light inside his head, and then he lost consciousness.

Disclaimer: DC owns all of the Bat-characters. Good for them. Otherwise, a lot would be different from what it is today.

DC canon is hopelessly messed up and changes every time you turn a page, but this is supposed to be, kind of, set in Rebirth. I've been trying to write a story that could, basically, be issue (insert any number).5 of the current Batman run.

I'm not sure what has officially happened in the past of the Rebirth continuity (I bet DC and the writers don't know either...) but in this story, I'm working under the assumption that the characters' backstories are basically as they were pre-Flashpoint (as long as it's not blatantly opposed to current canon) and almost every Batfamily story ever told has probably happened.

Miss Gsptlsnz is a canon character from DC comics, and her appearance has varied over the years. Check out my Tumblr to see her different looks.

tumblr com / blog / northoftheroad