AN: Hello everyone. It's been a long time, I know. While I was on my trip, I got drunk and broke my phone. Fun fact, this happened exactly two months ago lol. On my phone was the entire outline for TDDUP (and also my other stories I had planned lol). I wasn't able to recover it, and so I lost all of my motivation and direction for this story. I still remember all the big events I had planned, but I don't remember when some of them were supposed to be and I don't remember any of the transitions. That's why it took my so long to write. I just kinda gave up.

BUT you guys kept reviewing and idk with the end of the FT anime, all the motivation came back! :) I'm very out of practice, so excuse the low quality of this chapter. Also, it may take a while for another update because I don't remember what I had planned for next chapter other than one part so that's unfortunate. Thank you for your patience and I hope you like this chapter.

ALSO READ THIS PLS. THERE IS A TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. TW: SUICIDE. DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO THAT STUFF.

Chapter 30

Trip Down Memory Lane

Lucy poured herself some hot chocolate, the liquid sloshing around in her mug as she carried it over to the dining room table. Setting the drink aside so that it could cool down, the girl opened her laptop, quickly signing into her email account.

Three days had passed since she had visited Fairy Tail's basement and learned the history behind reincarnation. Since then, she was wary of leaving the house. Natsu hadn't even visited her once, obviously aware of her mood- for which she was thankful for. All she wanted was to be alone for a bit.

Lucy knew her thoughts were crazy. She knew that her friends, despite their overbearing skepticism, were good people. She knew that they would never hurt her.

And yet, a shiver ran up her spine every time she thought of Acnologia's mindset, wondering if her friends just so happened to feel the same way.

Ever since she learned about the connection between reincarnates and immortals, she couldn't help but be on edge around them. They had already proven themselves to be prejudiced against mortals, could anyone blame her for being worried? And if it wasn't her friends that were plotting to kill her, then perhaps the other immortals in the basement were.

The thought left her terrified of leaving the house. But after three days, she was starting to go crazy without seeing anyone, especially Natsu. She was grateful that he was kind enough to give her space when she needed. He sent her good morning and goodnight texts, but other than that, he left her alone to mull over her thoughts.

"I should go see him today," Lucy thought, bringing the mug to her lips and sipping on the chocolatey goodness. "It's not his fault that other immortals went crazy."

Natsu had been there for her through everything. He was there when she was sad, he was there when she was stressing over finals, and he was there when nobody else believed her about reincarnation. Through thick and thin, he was the one always at her side.

"I'll go to Fairy Tail later."

The only way to get over her irrational fear was to just deal with it headon. She had to get to know the others and make sure that they weren't like Acnologia. That was the only way she could put her negative thoughts to rest. But first, she had something else to do.

Lucy opened her thread of emails with Yukino. After learning that Fairy Tail was an organization built to support mortals, she had asked Natsu on her way home from the pub if there were other places like it. To her surprise, there were quite a few all over Fiore. If Yukino was like her, then she was tired of being alone with her secrets. She needed a group of people she could talk to. People who would somewhat understand.

Luckily, she had found out that there was an organization in Crocus where Yukino lived. It was a popular pub named Sabertooth, which must've brought in a lot of money for the immortals it housed.

Lucy's fingers moved hastily as she typed out a long explanation. She made sure not to leave a single detail out. She went on about the existence of immortals, the organizations, and the history behind Acnologia so that Yukino could decide for herself if she wanted to associate with the immortals. After re-reading the email to make sure she didn't forget anything, she pressed send before shutting the laptop. Chugging down the rest of her hot chocolate, she heaved a long sigh. It was time to get ready.

After throwing on a sweater and some leggings, Lucy shoved her feet into some knee-high boots before grabbing her keys and heading out the door. With winter's chill among her, the wind broke through the fabric of her sweater and chilled her to the bone. Quickening her pace, the girl practically jogged the rest of the way to Fairy Tail.

Once she arrived, she looked up at the grand double-doors. Her stomach churned, her fears of being around the immortals starting to kick in. Taking a deep breath, Lucy pictured Natsu's smiling face before swinging the doors open.

Heading over to the bar, she gave an uneasy smile to the familiar, purple-haired waitress, Kinana. She had learned from Natsu that she was also an immortal.

"Hi. Can I go see Natsu?" Lucy asked.

Kinana nodded, giving her a smile that helped calm her nerves. "Of course. You know where to find him."

Lucy thanked the other girl before stepping behind the counter and heading down the steps to the basement. Reaching the bottom, she nervously scanned the lounge for any of her friends. To her surprise, it was empty.

"Lucy?" a familiar voice called out. Turning to her left, she found Cana- the brunette who offered her a drink last time- sitting at the bar. The same bartender from before, the pretty silver-haired girl, was also there.

"Oh, uhh, hi," Lucy said with a small wave.

"Whatcha doin' here?" Cana asked, her eyes darting towards Mira. The bartender's hand slid over her own neck. Cana could hear her breathing grow heavy. She wondered if her friend would ever be able to be in the same room as an immortal without feeling suffocated. She doubted it. The scars of an immortal may heal on the outside, but they never do on the inside.

"I'm looking for Natsu and the others," Lucy answered, wringing her arms together. "Do you know where they are?"

"They're probably all in their rooms. I'll take ya to Natsu's room. C'mon."

Lucy thanked the brunette and nodded her head in goodbye to the bartender. The silver-haired girl gave her a weak smile, one that didn't reach her beautiful blue orbs.

Following Cana down a narrow hallway, Lucy took in every detail she could. The hallway was lined with doors on both sides.

"I don't know if Natsu explained our living situation to you," Cana said, catching the blonde's attention.

"He hasn't," Lucy replied. She was glad Cana was explaining things to her as they went.

"Well, boys and girls are split up. Boys are on the left, girls on the right. We have to share our rooms because there's limited space. Though, Gajeel's lucky and doesn't have to share until a newcomer comes along. I share a room with Juvia." She stopped just outside a door. "Anyways, tours over. This is Natsu's room."

"Oh. Thank you, Cana. You've been really kind to me."

"Don't mention it," the other girl said, taking a swig of alcohol. Rubbing the back of her head, she continued, "And I'm sorry if I came off kinda on-edge the other night. I didn't know that you're sorta kinda like us."

"Don't worry. Like I said, you've been really kind to me!"

With a smile, Lucy waved to the brunette before knocking on Natsu's door. In seconds, it swung open to reveal Gray, only in his boxers.

"Lucy?" he said.

"Did you say Lucy!?"

In the blink of an eye, Gray was shoved to the side, Natsu pushing his way to see her. Lucy giggled at his excitement, though a twinge of guilt ebbed at her knowing that he was only so excited to see her because she had been avoiding him the past few days.

"Hi, Natsu," she greeted.

"W-What are you doing here?" Natsu asked, his mouth parted. He wasn't expecting to see her so soon. After everything they learned, he figured she would never set foot in the home of the immortals again.

Lucy nudged him. "What? I'm not allowed to visit my boyfriend? You invite yourself into my home, it's time to return the favor."

Walking past him, Lucy studied the room, her cheeks dusted pink. It was her first time in a boy's room before. To her surprise, the place was a lot cleaner than she'd expect considering it was Natsu's. There were two beds pushed on opposite corners of the room. On one half of the room, there were band posters tacked to the wall and random mementos and picture frames. It was easy to tell it was Natsu's side. On the other side were only a couple of pictures of Gray and Juvia and people who resembled Gray. She had a feeling it was his family.

"So this is where you live," Lucy said, making her way to his bed. Plopping onto it, she grinned at her boyfriend. "It's a lot cleaner than I thought it would be."

"That's because of Erza," Natsu replied, a shiver running down his back. "She does random room checks to make sure everyone's rooms are in order. If they aren't…"

"I think I have a feeling what happens."

Lucy glanced at Natsu's nightstand, finding picture frames sitting on top. Grabbing one, a wide smile settled over her face as she quickly recognized it. It was the first picture they took together downtown, the one that she had set as his contact photo. She never knew that he had it printed out and framed by his bed.

Gently placing the picture frame back, she picked up another. This one was full of the Fairy Tail immortals, along with Makarov. There was also a young girl standing in the front, her hair long enough to reach her ankles and falling in blonde waves. Lucy couldn't recognize her.

"That's Mavis," Natsu said, following her gaze. "She's the one that made Fairy Tail!"

"And one of the oldest known immortals, right?"

"Yep! I'm sure you'll meet her one day!"

"I hope so." Lucy placed the frame back, grabbing the last one from the nightstand. It was one of Natsu when he was younger, in his teens it appeared. His hair was a bit shorter back then and his face had some more weight to it, but it was the same Natsu she knew and loved. Next to him was a man with red hair darker than Erza's. His eyes were a light brown, almost appearing golden in the sun.

"That's my dad," Natsu said, a small smile gracing his face. His hand tugged on the ends of his scarf.

"I can tell just from this picture how great of a father he was," Lucy replied. She reached out towards him and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah, he was."

"Did he know that you're an immortal?"

"Nah, he died before I even found out. What about you? Does your dad know that you reincarnate?"

"Oh hell no," Lucy replied quickly, shaking her head. "None of my parents in any lifetime know that I reincarnate."

Natsu cocked his head to the side. "How many parents have you had?"

"I'm on my fourth lifetime, so four different sets."

A wide grin settled over the boy's face. "I still can't believe you reincarnate! That's crazy!"

"I can't believe it either," Gray said from over on his bed. Admittedly, Lucy had forgotten he was there.

"You're telling me. I still can't believe you guys are immortal! I have had so many questions floating around in my head ever since I found out!" Lucy exclaimed.

"Then ask away. I promised I would answer all of your questions the night Natsu was shot," Gray replied.

Natsu jumped up from the bed. "Let me go get everyone first! I know they all wanna see you. Especially Levy. She's been mopin' around the past three days."

"Oh like you haven't been?" Gray teased.

Natsu glared at him before heading out the room to gather the rest of the immortals. Meanwhile, Gray turned his attention back towards Lucy.

"So, how ya holdin' up?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've been avoiding us ever since you found out about Acnologia. I take it you're scared?"

"Can you blame me?"

"Nah, I can't. But don't worry, we won't let that happen to you."

The corners of Lucy's lips tugged upwards into a smile. "Yeah, I know. Thank you."

Gray opened his mouth to reply when suddenly, a flash of blue crossed Lucy's face and she found herself tackled back onto the bed. She didn't have to lift her head to know who it was clutching at her as if life depended on it.

"Hi, Levy-chan," Lucy greeted, smoothing a hand over the other girl's head.

"I missed you, Lu-chan! You didn't return any of my texts!" Levy replied, lifting herself off the blonde so that she could get up.

"Yeah, I know. A lot of stuff was on my mind. But I'm here now, right?"

"Right!"

Lucy glanced towards the door as she heard Natsu and the others stepping inside. She was surprised to find Cana and Mira among them.

"Heard you wanna learn about the immortals," Cana said, leaning against the wall beside Mira. "That's good, 'cos I wanna know about reincarnation. Ask away!"

Lucy cupped her chin in thought. She had so many questions she wanted to ask, but now that she was put on the spot, she was having trouble remembering all of them.

"Oh, okay," she said as one question popped into her head. "Were you guys always immortal? Or did you do some ritual?"

"Believe me, nobody would do a ritual for this curse if they knew what it meant," Cana answered. "Really, nobody knows the real answer. At the beginning of our lives, we grew and aged, so maybe we weren't an immortal then. Or, maybe we were born immortal and it just didn't kick in until our death day. Nobody knows for sure."

"Death day? What's that?"

Levy chimed in, "It's the approximate age in which we assume we stopped aging. So for us, our death day is in our early twenties. For our first Master, Mavis, she stopped aging in her mid-teens, so that's when her death day is."

Lucy's mouth parted as she took in the information. She was horrified while learning about reincarnation, but the lore of immortality was interesting.

"So if Cana is the oldest of all you, who is the youngest?"

"That would be me," Levy answered with a laugh. "It goes Cana, Gray, Erza and Jellal, Gajeel, Juvia, Natsu, Mira, then me."

Lucy gave a smug grin, playfully nudging Natsu. "Aww, you're one of the babies of the group!"

He crossed his arms with a glare. "Shut up."

A laugh bubbled up to her lips before she returned her attention to Levy. "So, how did you guys find out about Fairy Tail?"

"We were all recruited," Levy answered. "Last time you were here, Master brought up that there are government officials affiliated with immortals. Their presence is top secret and only known by higher-ups. They are how organizations like Fairy Tail exist, and they're also the reason immortals get a small allowance from the government. Beyond that, they also do extensive research to find more immortals. There have been times when they found out who was immortal before the immortal themself was fully aware."

"That happened with me," Natsu added. "I knew somethin' was up, but I didn't know it was immortality until Gramps found me and told me about it."

"Exactly. So, the affiliates send us the information on the immortal and we go recruit them. That, or we somehow stumble upon them ourselves."
Lucy nodded slowly, still trying to process everything. It was a lot to take in. Recruitment, government affiliates, immortality. Who knew all of this was happening and the rest of the world had no idea?

There was one question left that was still bugging Lucy, but she didn't know if it was insensitive to ask.

"You want to ask us something, don't you?" Erza asked, a knowing smile planted on her face. "I can see the curiosity written all over your face."

Lucy rubbed the back of her head with an awkward chuckle. "Oh, yeah. But it's okay! I don't need to know!"

"No, no, c'mon," Gray insisted. "I said I would answer your questions. What is it?"

"Well, I guess I was just wondering if there was an extent to your immortality. Like, what happens if an immortal cuts off their own head?"

A shiver ran up the group's spines just picturing it.

"Well, believe it or not, that sort of thing has happened many times," Jellal answered for the group. "Most immortals discovering their immortality get curious to see the limits. Or sometimes, they really want their life to end so that they can be reunited with the loved ones they lost throughout the years. Either way, there is always an experimentation phase. Whether it is a simple prick on the finger or decapitation, people are always trying to figure it out. I don't think you really want to know what happens if someone cuts off their own head, but I can assure you that they will live."

"You wanna see it?" Natsu asked.

Lucy whipped her head towards the boy. "What?"

"Do you wanna see it?" he repeated as if it were normal. "The healing process, I mean."

Without waiting for her to answer, he grabbed his lighter. He held his hand out in front of him, the fire dancing just below his fingertips. Keeping his eyes trained on Lucy, he slowly moved the fire up to his hand, allowing it to wash over his skin. At first it didn't hurt. It was a comforting warmth that he had gotten used to over the many accidents he had playing with fire. But ten seconds in, the warmth turned to scorching pain.

Lucy's hands flew up to her mouth as she forced herself to watch. Natsu's fingertips were blackened by the fire. Glancing up at him, she found tears in the corners of his eyes. The hand he used to hold the lighter was trembling.

"O-Okay! I get it, you can stop now, Natsu!" Lucy said, snatching the lighter away from him. Jellal's explanation of the experimentation phase that immortals went through rang in Lucy's mind. She had a feeling that fire was how Natsu proved his immortality to himself.

"Watch," Natsu said, holding his damaged fingers in front of Lucy's face. His skin was cracked and raw, but within seconds, the regeneration began.

Lucy gasped as the cracks in Natsu's fingers began to smoothen out and the normal color in his fingers returned. It was a much faster process than when Natsu was shot. It must've been because his body had to reject the bullet before it could start healing.

"See?" Natsu said, a wide grin on his face as he shook his fully-healed hand.

Lucy slapped him upside the head. "Yes, I see it! Don't do that again! Even though I know you can heal, I still don't like seeing you hurt!"

Natsu nodded, but the smile on his face remained. It felt nice showing Lucy all of this, and telling her about immortality. As close as he was to Lucy before, it was nowhere near how close he felt to her now. It was like he could finally open up completely to her.

Lucy smiled, her eyes glazing over her friends. It felt nice to hang out with them again. There weren't any secrets or lies, just people hanging out.

Her gaze then landed on Mira. The girl hadn't said a thing since coming into the room. Her lips were pulled into a small smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. As if feeling her stare, Mira glanced at her.

And that was when Lucy finally saw it.

Horror etched the other girl's face in the second that they shared eye contact before Mira pointed her gaze at the floor and brought a shaky hand up to her neck. She was scared of her. But why?

"Enough about all this crap," Gajeel said, catching her attention. "It's your turn to explain reincarnation."

"Yes!" Levy exclaimed. "I've been dying to ask you about it!"

Lucy shrugged. "Okay. Then ask away!"

Immediately, they all voiced the same question.

"What's death like?"

Clearly it was something on their mind considering it was something they couldn't experience no matter how hard they tried. Hell, even normal mortals wondered what death was like.

Lucy shrugged again. "I don't know what it's like for normal mortals, but for me, there's not much to discuss. There's no pearly white gates of Heaven or walking around as a ghost. There's the event that causes death, a moment where everything goes black, and then a flash of bright light as I'm being reborn in a hospital room."

"And you retain all of your memories?" Erza questioned.

"Yep. Which is what makes it horrible."

"Horrible?" Gajeel asked. "Hell, reincarnating sounds like a walk in the park compared to immortality! You get to die and be reborn with a fresh start every time! It's easy!"

Lucy's hands fumbled with the hem of her sweater. "I wouldn't say it's easy… Think of it this way. You're a normal kid in a loving family. You have lots of friends, a nice job lined up, and then all of the sudden you die."

"Still sounds better than having to live forever and watching your family die."

"Okay, well imagine being reborn into a new family. You have no idea what's going on, you have no idea who these people are, all you know is that you can't stop thinking about your old family. You wonder what happened. You look them up and find out that they're still alive, but you can't do anything about it because you're born in the same body every time. Everyone would recognize you and probably burn you at the stake. So, you're stuck in a house of strangers that are supposed to be your parents. Except they aren't. Not to you. You can't love them the way you're supposed to because you feel like you're betraying your first family."

Natsu's brows twitched upwards, his eyes narrowing in thought. There was something about those words that seemed so familiar. His eyes darted to Lucy's hands, which were balled into tight fists trembling in her lap. Then it hit him.

"Is that what you were talking about that time at your apartment?" Natsu asked.

Lucy faced him, tilting her head innocently to the side. "When?"

"The first time we came over. We were playing truth or dare and Gajeel asked you what the worst thing you ever did was. You said you isolated yourself from your parents and your mom got sick."

Lucy took a sharp breath, the memories of her second life playing in her head. "Oh. Yeah. That's what happened with my second set of parents. After that, I felt so bad that I at least tried to pretend to love them."

Gajeel scratched the back of his head. "I guess when you put it that way, reincarnation ain't all that fun either."

Lucy shook her head, a dry laugh escaping her lips. "No, no it isn't. But that's why I'm glad I met you guys. You might not understand reincarnation, and I might not understand immortality, but we all know what it's like trying to hide who you are from everyone else. And I am so tired of hiding it."

Levy wrapped her arms around the blonde. A warm smile graced her face as she said, "You'll never have to hide around us anymore!"

As the group went silent, Lucy thought that the questioning was over. That is, until Cana spoke.

"I have a question," the brunette stated. "You don't hafta answer or anything, I was just kinda curious."

"What is it?" Lucy asked.

"You said that you're on your fourth lifetime right now, so that means you've died three times. How did you die?"

Lucy's stomach immediately dropped to the floor as panic washed over her. She really should've known that someone was going to ask that question. Who wouldn't?

Swallowing thickly, the girl tried to calm her nerves. Her stomach continued to do flips while her hands shook in her lap. It wasn't until a warm hand slid into hers that she was able to slow her breathing down to a steady pace.

Glancing up at Natsu, she found him staring right back at her, concern lacing his onyx orbs. She could tell by the look he was giving her that she didn't need to answer if she didn't want to. And yet, her mouth opened to speak.

"Well, two of the three were car accidents. I guess I wasn't the best driver," Lucy answered, followed by a weak chuckle. "That's why I'm not too big on driving anymore. In case you're wondering, it didn't hurt at all. It happened so fast that I didn't even know I died until I was born again."

"What about the other time?" Juvia asked.

Lucy's hand slowly moved up to her neck, softly grazing the sensitive skin as she recalled what happened. The memory was so vivid in her mind it was like it happened only yesterday.

She took a deep breath, followed by another. It was an innocent question. Lucy knew that. They were only curious, they didn't mean to bring up any bad memories.

"W-Well…" she choked out. Her throat tightened as if trying to snuff out the words that were on the tip of her tongue. "My second lifetime was kind of rough. It was my first time reincarnating. I was confused, angry… I told you how I felt about my parents and friends. I was alone. All I wanted was to forget the past that I couldn't have anymore." Hot tears pricked the backs of Lucy's eyes but she blinked them back. "I didn't want to be alive. I didn't want to be reincarnated. I just…"

A gasp caught Lucy's attention. Turning towards the source, she found Levy with her hands covering her mouth.

"Oh, Lu-chan… Tell me you didn't." she whispered.

Lucy nodded weakly. "Yeah, I did. I figured that my reincarnation was a fluke. A one time mistake. I figured that if I died again, it would be for real this time. I got back home from school one day. I'd been planning it for a while. I don't know what made me choose that day specifically, but it seemed right. My parents were still at work. I went to my room, grabbed the rope that I stole from the shed, and... And tied it to the ceiling fan. I-I'm sure you can figure out how I died from there."

Her hands brushed against her neck again. It was like she could still feel the loose threads of the rope scratching her throat. She could still remember what it felt like when her lungs started to burn. She could remember kicking, trying to relieve some of her body's pain. And she could still remember when her eyes finally started to droop closed, the energy in her body drained as she dangled there alone before succumbing to the darkness.

Lucy kept her gaze trained on the bed. She could feel everyone's stares on her, but she ignored them, too scared to make eye contact. Her stomach was doing flips, and she felt like she could vomit at any second.

It wasn't until Gray cleared his throat that Lucy finally glanced up.

Cana rubbed the back of her head. "I'm sorry for makin' you relive that experience. It was insensitive of me to ask that."

Lucy shook her head. "No, don't worry. I know that you were just curious. I'm the one who made the mistake."

"Well… maybe we should take a break from all the questions," Gray said. "We've been sitting here for a while. And it's not like we don't have time to ask questions later."

"Gray's right," Erza agreed, nodding her head. She could see through his attempt at lightening the mood and wanted nothing more than to help. "Shall we go get some food?"

"You guys go ahead," Natsu said. "We'll catch up with you."

Lucy glanced towards the boy. His usual carefree grin was nowhere to be found, instead in its place a blank expression. Squirming uncomfortably in her seat, she watched as the rest of their friends filed out of the room, leaving them all alone.

At first, they just sat there. They didn't look at each other, they didn't say a word. Lucy stared at Natsu, waiting for him to speak. She could practically see the cogs turning in his head as he thought of what to say, as if choosing his words carefully. Finally, it seemed he found the words to say as he whipped his head towards her.

"I'm not gonna ask you about it," Natsu said, his expression serious. Gently squeezing her hand, he continued, "When you're ready to talk about it, I'm right here. But you should know I'm gonna spend the rest of eternity makin' sure that you never feel like you hafta do that again."

Lucy gave a weak chuckle. "Rest of eternity? Do I need to remind you you're an immortal? You'll actually be alive for the rest of eternity, so you probably shouldn't joke-"

"I mean it, Lucy. I'll be there the rest of eternity."

And just like that, the dam broke.

Hot tears welled in Lucy's eyes and spilled down her cheeks before she even had the chance to blink them back. Throwing herself against Natsu, she buried her face in his chest. She didn't know how loud she was as she wailed and she didn't care. All she cared about was holding Natsu close because she knew that in the many lifetimes to come, she would never find someone as important to her as Natsu was.

Natsu ran his fingers through her golden locks. Every strand felt like silk against his skin. With his other hand, he softly rubbed her back until she eventually stopped crying.

Sniffling, Lucy pulled away from him and wiped her face with the back of her sleeve.

"I love you, Natsu," she said, only able to muster up a whisper.

Natsu smiled down at her and wiped a stray tear from her face that she missed. "I love you too, Luce."

AN: Hope you guys liked the chapter. It was all just sitting and talking lol.

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