The conservation in the cemetery was the first topic Arizona blurted out the second she sat down in the therapists office a few days later. Her therapist, Conrad, was intrigued by the development even if it didn't show on his face.

He didn't speak for a long minute making Arizona fidget in her seat. She genuinely wanted to know what he thought of it. This was only her third session yet she found she trusted him a great deal. And it wasn't because of doctor-patient confidentiality, she trusted him because he didn't sugar coat things. He pushed her to answer questions she never had. Something of which annoyed her to no end in the beginning but after the last session, she was grateful for it.

"She's right," Conrad spoke after some thought. Arizona looked at him in slight confusion. Which part? She had recited a lot of what Callie said. "About love and hurt. There is no love without hurt. And you are going to hurt her again. She'll hurt you too. It's good that she recognizes that. It's something you need to as well."

"But I don't want hurt her," Arizona protested. She wanted to be able to say she wouldn't hurt Callie again.

"Maybe not but you will. We hurt people everyday, whether it be unintentionally or not. Hurt is unavoidable. We, as people, all have feelings. Feelings that other people, as human nature, don't prioritize as number one. Even the feelings of those we love. By nature, our own personal feelings come first. It's instinct. It's self-preservation. It's one of the things that makes love so difficult. We don't want to allow ourselves to get hurt. By being in love, we open ourselves to that hurt on completely different levels than everyday life. It's where fight or flight comes from. Are we willing to possibly get hurt by fighting? Or would we rather run from the hurt and close ourselves off from it?" The therapist asked rhetorically.

Arizona mulled over his words. Conrad observed her as she did so. He had a hunch as to which Arizona was naturally. He was just waiting on a confirmation, however it came.

"I used to bail when things got hard," Arizona admitted, frowning. Bingo, Conrad thought.

"Past tense? Do people change? Do we change our behavior based on experience? Or do we only believe we've changed until something happens? Something happens that in the past would've caused you to run. Where does that leave you? At a crossroads wondering if you truly are different, or if it was just something you deluded yourself into believing? Change is something that is debated everyday. The current prominent debate is, can people truly change or are we who we are forever, destined to always be that way?"

"What do you think? Can people really change?" Arizona furrowed her brows. She wanted to believe change was possible. She wanted to believe that she had in fact changed. That her first instinct was no longer to bail but rather to stay and fight. But was all of that want and belief a delusion to who she really was at her core?

Conrad tapped his pen on his pad. Can people change? It was a loaded question to answer to anyone. It was even more so to someone such as Arizona. Especially when the answer was coming in the form that it had. Hearing her struggles and lifestyle post amputation, he knew the answer to the true question she was asking. Had she changed? Consciously, yes she had. But on a subconscious level… that was a different story. Changing the subconscious from what you are instinctually conformed to is no easy feat. Some believe it isn't possible.

It's been tested as well. When tragedy or hardship strikes, what is your first instinct, your very first thought? Is it to do what you've always done? Or is it to do what you've attempted to retrain yourself to do?

The answer varied depending on the person. Unfortunately, what had taken place here was clear. While physically, Arizona had not bailed as she has been accustomed to doing. Mentally and emotionally, she disappeared from her wife and daughters life. She locked them out of hers and herself out of theirs. She was there, but she had checked out for a while and bailed. Had Arizona changed? In a way yes. In a way no.

"I believe people can change. We have to to be able to escape the cycle of life. Otherwise we would consistently make the same choices rather than learning from the consequences. We get smarter. We learn the right answers. But fundamentally, we still have a first instinct. That first instinct will always be whatever choice we made at the beginning of the cycle. Before we learned from it. Consciously we change, we grow. Subconsciously is different. But that wasn't your real question, now was it?"

He could've just answered what he knew her question really was. Easily in fact. But that wasn't the point of therapy. He told her a lot, he gave her a lot of explanations but he couldn't give her everything. That wasn't the point of therapy. She needed to ask herself questions. She needed to one day do enough searching to be able to find the answers on her own. But right now, here, he would guide her.

"Have I changed?" She sighed, similar to a sigh at the point of defeat.

"I don't know, have you?" Conrad shrugged. Come on Dr. Robbins, get there on your own.

"I don't know! You're the therapist! That's what your job is! You're supposed to tell me!" Arizona exclaimed. Damn. There it is. The mental and emotional step back, Conrad thought to himself.

He could see it for what it is. It was flight. It was a refusal to face facts on her own. Even if he were to just answer her, she would deny it. She would still wish to believe she had changed and would refuse to see the complete truth. Yes she had changed, just not at her core.

Her first instinct was still flight. Even if she couldn't physically flee anymore now having a family to tie her in place. She could mentally and emotionally bail. She could and for a time, she had.

"It's not my job to give you the answers. It's my job to guide you to them. You have to actually get them on your own."

Arizona stood, clearly agitated. She had just wanted a straight answer, not a cryptic solve it yourself puzzle with a few clues. She strode over to the floor to ceiling windows on one of the walls of the office. She looked out them, hands clenching and unclenching.

Interesting, Conrad took in her actions. As he had thought, consciously, she could combat her instinct to bail. It was what she was doing right now. The hand clenching was out of frustration. Question was, was the frustration with herself or him?

"What are you frustrated with?" Conrad wondered. Arizona turned around, jaw slightly tighter than before.

"I'm not frustrated," she argued pointlessly. He knew she was frustrated. So did she.

"Yes you are. So what is it with?"

"Maybe it's with the fact that this isn't why I came to therapy? I came here to fix my relationship with Callie, to be able to forgive her! Not for you to psychoanalyze me!" Arizona exploded, frustration morphed to something more. Conrad shook his head and chuckled faintly. "Why the hell are you laughing?" She demanded. Conrad looked over to her.

"You are so damn stubborn. Every time something comes up that you don't like, you dig your heels in. Every time something comes up that scares you, you get angry. You get angry because you are trying like hell not to run out of here," Conrad closed his notepad, and stood with it in hand. He moved over to his desk and dropped the pad and the pen onto it, Arizona's eyes following his every move. He shifted to face her, leaning back on the desk, arms crossed. "I'm going to be straight with you here Arizona. You may never forgive Callie."

"I have too. I'm paying you to make me able to!" Arizona exclaimed.

"Let me rephrase. You will never forgive Callie," he held up a hand when she opened her mouth, silencing her, "listen for once. You haven't forgiven her yet for a reason. You are unable to. You can't forgive her because you won't admit to yourself, who you are at your core. Honestly, I don't think you truly even know yourself who you are. The amputation upset the balance inside you. You lost yourself when you lost your leg and you are still trying to be the person you were before. Except, you can't be. I'm willing to say that person never would've cheated on her wife. She never would've treated her wife the way she did. Yet, you have. That person is long gone. So who are you? Do you know? Because every time we try to find out, you push back. You don't want to confront who you are or even admit that who you are now, is different. Until you are willing to allow yourself to be the person you are now, you won't be able to forgive Callie for destroying who you were."

The words hurt. They hurt more than Arizona would've thought a therapists honesty could have. They hurt because maybe they were true.

That didn't mean she had to believe it though. Shaking her head, Arizona walked over to the couch and picked up her bag before storming out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

One step forward, two steps back.

Conrad sighed. She slammed the door so hard it practically shook on the hinges. He'd found the root of the problem. He found the root and realistically, he worried divorce was in the doctors future. She seemed to want to forgive her wife. She really did.

The problem was, it wasn't that simple. He had meant what he had said to her. Arizona Robbins would in no way ever be able to fully forgive her wife until she found herself again. The leg may have been the catalyst to Arizona's issues, but it no longer was the sole issue. It never really was. The leg caused her to lose herself. It was a part of her and when she lost it, she didn't know who she was anymore. She did things she never would've done before. She had bailed because of her anger and refusal to face her wife with anything other than anger.

All of it was connected.

So how do you find yourself again?

You can't find yourself when who you were is gone. Who Arizona was is just as gone as her leg. She now had to find who she wanted to be. And the only way to do that was to talk. To think. To feel. And to fight.

The thing Conrad feared was that she may not be able to find who she wanted to be without forgiving her wife, and she couldn't forgive her wife without finding who she was.

If this so happened to be the case, they would either be going in circles forever, or something would have to give.

The unavoidable question was, would it be Arizona's stubbornness to confront who she was or would it be her wife's capacity of her own forgiveness?

What would break first?

If Arizona's stubbornness broke first and she allowed herself to accept the fact that she is no longer the person she once was, then her forgiving Callie wasn't out of the question.

If her wife's capacity to stick with Arizona broke first then Conrad couldn't see any future other than divorce for them.

Arizona had lost herself but her first instinct remained the same and that was flight. Arizona would have to stop fleeing from the truth to get to where she wanted to be.

Fight or flight.

Arizona needed to fight, and this time it was a fight with herself. If she didn't… then Callie might just be the one fleeing.

Sometimes we fight for so long we just can't do it anymore. Sometimes, fleeing is the only thing that keeps us going once we lose our ability to fight.

Would Callie get to the point of fleeing before Arizona got to the point of fighting? Conrad sure as hell hoped not.

"Mandy, call Dr. Robbins to schedule her next appointment," Conrad released the button on the phone.

For now, he would fight for Arizona until she could do it herself.

Happy Fourth of July to all of the Americans out there!