Hi guys...

Wow, it has been so long. So so long, and I am so sorry for keeping you waiting. It has been an incredibly long and busy year for me. I finished (rather abruptly) my first year at college. It's been so amazing, I was having the best time at college. I've made so many friends so its great! Also, I'm still working on my novel. I know *sigh* you're probably thinking "shouldn't you be finished by now?"
Haha I wish. I'm nowhere near finished. But it's coming along just fine ️

How are you all doing? This is a strange time to be living in. Everything here at home is shut down, including my college. I know it's probably scary for some of you. But I have faith that we'll get through this. If there's anyone here who is in a medical profession and on the frontline helping to combat the virus, know that you are being so brave. Thank you for risking your lives to save others❤️

Please sound off in the comments! Tell me how you're all doing? What's the situation like with ye? Tell me about something, a good thing that has happened during this pandemic. I'll tell you about mine (after this chapter).

Hope you enjoy this new chapter! You've earned it. Honestly guys, you're amazing. Thank you for everything💕💛

El stared at her essay, her hand frozen in mid air. She had paused in the middle of the sentence, and had spent the last ten minutes drifting in endless abyss of her own thoughts. This essay was due tomorrow and she still had to write the conclusion. She hated history. So much. Well, she hated the history that was being taught in school. Why couldn't they learn something interesting, like about the Romans? Or even the Egyptians? She wouldn't mind doing an essay on mummies or pyramids or Cleopatra if she had the option. But of course that wasn't on the school curriculum. So here she was doing an essay on the impact of the Boston Tea Party on the War of Independence, wishing she was doing something else like smoking with Max.

El grimaced slightly. Yes, she had recently started smoking. Regularly. It wasn't that she liked it. She still thought it tasted disgusting, but it helped her take her mind off things. She recalled the conversation she had had a couple of weeks previously, her heart suddenly feeling a lot heavier than it was nevore

"Crikey El, you have me in stitches sometimes!" Max wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes.

"Max, stop laughing!" El was coughing, her eyes streaming. "It's not funny!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll st-" she broke off again, cackling in that way that made El let out a hysterical shriek of laughter.

"How-" El spluttered again. "Was I – supposed to know that I was doing it all wrong?"

"That is – the funniest – thing – I have – ever SEEN! AAAAAGH!" Max was losing it, laughing as she collapsed to the ground, her body shaking. El couldn't hold it in any longer, and she let out an uncontrollable shout of laughter.

Max swallowed trying to compose herself. "Your face. Oh El, when you properly inhaled it the smoke, OH GOD!" And her shrieking went off again. El fell off the wall and collapsed.

Eventually the two of them calmed down. "I feel so high," El murmured. "Is this what high is?"

"Girl, you haven't even smoked half a fag. And they don't even get you high! Don't worry though. I guarantee you I'm going to get you high." Max chuckled and handed her another cigarette. "I'm gonna corrupt you Ellie."

They pulled themselves back up onto the wall, and sat in comfortable silence, smoking, and watching as the curls of smoke disappeared in the wind.

"So there was something that you wanted to talk about?" Max broke the silence.

El's stomach clenched. "Yeah. Um…

"Take your time," she said gently. "We have all day."

El had gone over what she was going to say the night before. But she couldn't remember any of it. For several minutes, the words were stuck in her throat, not knowing where to start. Finally, she spoke. "So, I haven't been completely honest with you, Max."

There was a cold wind that day, so much so that El was forced to tighten her hoodie to keep her head warm. She kicked her heels against the wall they were both sitting on, each impact shuddering through the muscles on her calves. It was overlooking a skateboarding park, with a couple of teenagers whizzing about on their BMX's and skateboards.

Max had already shown her some of her skateboarding skills. She had fallen over at least twice, but Mac simply laughed it off, claiming that she was out of practice. She was probably going to wake up the next day to find painful bruises on her elbows and torso.

Max tilted her head at her as she hugged her knees to her chest, her thick hair tied up into a messy top-knot. "Is this about that guy you've been seeing?"

El cracked her knuckles repeatedly, trying to relieve the tension from her fingers. Every time she was really nervous about something, an uncomfortable tingling feeling would erupt in her hands. It was like butterflies in her stomach, except this was arguably worse that that. It was lots of tiny little invisible ants, writhing beneath her skin and driving her insane.

She had that sensation almost every day now.

El pressed her lips together. "No. That's over, like I told you. I'm not wasting any more of my time with him anymore."

"Yeah," Max's face hardened. "Honestly, I want to beat up that guy so bad. Fuck him. You can fo so much better than that cheating piece of garbage."

El closed her eyes, guilt bubbling up inside her. Was it really necessary for her to just go and make up this whole story about how she had found out thar her "mystery guy" was also secretly seeing someone else? When Max asked her what had happened with him, the lie had just come out of nowhere. And she had done it so fluidly, so convincingly, she was almost convinced herself.

It was bitchy of her. But she couldn't find it in herself to care. She had been preoccupied with other things this past while.

"So I, you see – um – ugh." She buried her face in her hands. "God help me, why is this so hard?"

Max rubbed her back. "I'm listening, girl. Don't panic. Just take your time."

She clasped her hands together tightly, the whites of her bones showing. "So - I've been feeling – I don't know - numb lately. Well not lately – it's… It's something that I've always had in me. Other kids ignored me, or teased me. They've been doing that since like the third or fourth grade. I've been feeling sort of empty and hopeless for the past, I don't know, few years."

El wanted to slide down and allow the ground to swallow her up. She didn't want to have this conversation. It was the last thing she planned on doing. But she just kept going. "I feel like… Like there's this dark hole inside of me, eating up my emotions. And I have no idea how to make it go away. And sometimes, in order to feel something, I have these outbursts. Really, really angry outbursts. I mean you saw that first hand."

She took a deep breath, her mind spinning as she readied her next few words. Her heart was exploding against her chest, and her knees shook with fear. "And sometimes… I have to do things to make me get rid of the numbness or to get my anger out."

And before she could have any second thoughts, she pushed her sleeve up. She gulped, her pulse pounding in her head, as she waited for Max to answer.

She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt her cool hand gently touch her mottled skin. "Oh, Ellie," she whispered hoarsely.

El felt her eyes fill up, but she did her best to blink them away. "Are you mad?" She pulled her sleeve down.

"El look at me." She met her eyes. Max biting her lip hard, as if she was trying her hardest not to start bawling. It wasn't something El was used to seeing. "I'm not mad, girl. Never you." She gripped her hand, and El squeezed it. She felt a tear spilling over her cheek, and she wiped it away hurriedly.

Max had a slight tremor in her voice. "I think I suspected that there was something wrong. But I didn't know what, and I didn't know how to bring it up."

"You need to talk to someone. I know a councillor. She's amazing, I can take you to her. She helped me deal with all the bad stuff in my life. And it's all confidential, I swear."

"I don't – I don't want to."

"Please El, who you can't just keep going on like this. This is serious. I'm not trying to put you under pressure or anything, but the fact that you've harmed yourself is proof that you need professional help."

"I don't want – my dad and step-mother to know," El found herself saying.

"What? About the counseling or this?"

"Both." She bit her lip hard. "They hate me. I'm just another burden to them. Another mouth to feed."

"Did they say that?"

Her father never did. But Diane had said it on more than one occasion.

Max hesitated. "Is that why you're doing this? Because of how they treat you?"

El nodded. It wasn't the whole truth, but it was enough.

"Ok here's what we'll do. From now on, you're to stay in constant contact with me. Swear to me that whenever you have a bad experience or feeling down, you call me. Or text me actually, and I'll call you. Understood? Swear to me."

She looked at Max, seeing her fearful expression. She nodded. "I swear."

Max blinked quickly, and looked away, wiping at her eyes. Her hands were visibly trembling, which she tried to disguise by stuffing them in her pockets. "Thank you. And I know it's hard, but you do need someone. Please can you at least think about the counseling? Please?"

"I'll think about it."

"I'm so stupid," she muttered. "I should have known sooner. What is wrong with me?"

"Max it's not your fault, please stop blaming yourself."

"I do blame myself. I'm your friend. I should have known."

El didn't know how to reassure her, so she simply squeezed her hand. Max gazed blankly out at the park.

"My dad was a heroine addict," she said quietly. El's gut twisted, but continued to hold her hand. Mac sighed. "Don't know if you've noticed, but that's the main reason I can be so controlling around Lucas. I always feel like I have to monitor him. I don't mean to. I do trust him, he's a smart guy. He knows the stuff he shouldn't take. It's just - any mention of drugs has me panicking. I lost one family member to it. Can't afford to lose another."

She pushed her side fringe out of her eyes, her eyes shiny. "When Lucas first asked me out, I didn't want to at first. I knew what he was. I knew him before he joined that gang, and when he became part of it, I thought he betrayed me. I was so angry for a long time. But then I came to realise that he didn't have a choice in the matter. He has his family to think of."

Her chin trembled. "His father's serving a life sentence, his mother works four jobs and his little sister has special needs. He's the one who takes care of her, because his mom doesn't have the time. And his dad - had made enemies before he went to prison. A lot of enemies. So basically the family need the money and the protection." She huffed an emotionless laugh, finally catching El's eyes. "Ironic isn't it? The business that took my dad's life is keeping my boyfriend's family alive. The fucking devil manages to work his way into all our lives. Destroying one, profiting off another. It's just an endless cycle."

And as if she couldn't hold it in any longer, Mac broke down. El put her arms around her, resting her chin on her head as big ugly sobs racked her body. She hushed her, rocking her slightly. They stayed like that for a long time.

Sighing, she put the essay into her bag, resolving to finish it that evening. Besides, the others were about wake up. The clock read 7:30. She rushed upstairs, wasting no time in making breakfast. She just wanted to leave the house as quickly as possible.

Max wanted her to come over after school. She had already reluctantly agreed to go see that counselor that she had suggested. Next week. So it couldn't be that. She prayed that it wasn't a boy dilemma. Right now, her head ached just thinking about them. It was bad enough that she had (sensibly though) broken off contact with – well him. She was afraid of saying his name. Because saying it made it more real. The fact that she wasn't involved with him anymore.

School had been kind of awkward for her during the past week – to say the least. Because of Josh. She just kept running into him, at least once a day. Several times she'd catch a glimpse of him and she would immediately start heading in the other direction. It certainly didn't help that he would flash a smile at her every chance he got and say hello. Sometimes she smiled and said hello back. Other times she pretended not to hear him, and would walk right past, staring determinedly at the floor. Which really wasn't fair of her. He was nice and charismatic and all. But he deserved someone else. Someone who actually liked him back.

Max kept encouraging her to go talk to him. She didn't have the heart to tell her that she wasn't in the right place for a relationship. With Josh or with anyone. She often cried at night whenever she thought about those dark eyes that she had come to haunt her. She didn't know what to do.

Max had quickly forgiven her for their fight. A bit too forgiving, in El's personal opinion. Chances were high that she was going to lash out again. She didn't want tell her about Diane. Or Mike. Or the - other things. And she wasn't going to. No way. She felt like a coward for keeping all her problems from Max. But she didn't even know where to start. And she was afraid that once she started talking, she was going to come out with everything.

And if Diane ever found that she had told someone about what she had been doing to her. That woman would kill her. No doubt about that. Diane was the devil incarnate.

But surprisingly, Diane hadn't bothered her much this past week, apart from the occasional snapping order to do her daily chores, which was both worrying and a relief for El. Since her father had officially come home, Diane had put all her efforts in to make sure he was recovering comfortably. Her constant cooing and sympathy for her husband honestly made El want to puke.

In fact she was watching a display right now. Her step-mother was in the middle of the nauseating act of feeding her father pancakes in the dining room while stroking his beard and telling him every two minutes what a great hero he was. Well, El was supposed to be polishing glasses in the kitchen. But she was facing the door to the dining room, which was wide open. That made it very hard to concentrate when this display was happening right in front of her.

Grimacing, she continued to polish the glasses. She heard the unmistakable light footsteps of her sister come up behind her.

"I saw you, you know," she whispered.

El looked sideways at Sara. Her long blonde hair was done up in two French plaits, and she was wearing a short skirt and a pink sparkly jumper. It was almost neon in colour, so bright that El was forced to look away for a moment. Her younger sister leaned against the counter, peeling an orange with her long false nails. "What are you talking about," El answered as coldly as she could.

Sara just giggled, shaking her head. "You're awful busy you know. Getting driven around by college-age guys, running off to your trashy red-haired friend's house and going on nights out? Oh yeah, I know all about that. Did you really think no one would notice? Mom and Dad may be blind, but I'm certainly not."

El kept her eyes on the glass she was cleaning. "You wear contacts you know? Or have you forgotten?" She gave a shrug. "You must have me mixed up with someone else."

"Oh I certainly do not," she smiled. "I was at the high school that day you went off with your boyfriend in his car. I saw you two."

"Oh did you now? Let me ask you something. You're in middle school, isn't that correct? So what were you doing at the high school? Which is a good five miles away from your school." El tapped her chin. "Let me guess. Trying to get close to the football team and have them invite you to hang out with them?", she snorted. "Typical."

"No!" She answered indignantly, though she flushed.

"I hope not. Because let me tell you something," El gazed right at her sister. "The footballers in that school might seem all perfect and gentlemanly on the outside. But they're disgusting pigs. They see girls as nothing more than a collection of body parts to do with as they please."

"And how would you know?" Sara snorted. "They would never even give you a second look! All you do is go around wearing disgusting bland hoodies with your headphones stuck in your ears and ignore people. You're a freak. No wonder guys don't bother with you."

"Don't bother with me?! They tried-" she cut herself off before she say anything else.

"Tried what?"

"Nothing," she muttered. "They're just really bad news. Stay away from them. Please."

"Since when do you care about what I get up to?" Sara snapped. El frowned, not sure what she was alluding to.

"Now," she popped a piece of orange in her mouth. "What am I to do with all the juicy info I have on you?"

Her heart pounded, but she didn't let the fear show. "What? Are you – gonna tell them?"

"No," her sister smirked as she chewed. "That's too easy. I'm going to think of something much more interesting to do with your dirty little secret instead." She ate the rest of her orange, and turned to walk away.

"You don't have to act like this, Sara," El found herself saying. "I get that she's your mom. But you don't have to imitate her. You can think for yourself you know. And – I mean, we're sisters after all."

"Sisters?" Sara sniffed, stopping to turn around at look at her. "Since when were you interested in being my sister? All you care about is trying to suck up to Dad, reading and obsessing over getting into college. You never cared about me, Jane."

"What are you on about?" El snapped, finally turning her full body towards her. Why was Sara trying to turn the blame around on her? She was so sick of her slimy half-sister acting like the victim in situations. When they were little, she would always get her into trouble over everything. Sara once broke a fifty year old vase, and instantly blamed it on her. She was the pride and joy of the family. She had everything that she ever wanted. So why was she acting like this?

Sara stared at her, her lips pressed into a hard line. "You're seriously gonna act dumb now? Okay then. Be that bitch so."

El felt red hot anger rise up inside her. She clenched her fists hard as she glared holes into her sister. "Fuck off, Sara. Go and chase after some sophomore guy that you fancy, and woo him with your hair-twirling and your pouts. That's what you do best."

She could have sworn a flicker of hurt passed over Sara's expression. Then she flicked her hair back smirking at her mockingly. "You've been polishing that glass for the exact length of time that I've been talking to you. I'm sure it's nice and shiny by now." With that she stalked out of the kitchen

El took a deep calming breath. She wasn't going to let her sister get inside her head. She finished up on the polishing, then grabbed her bag, finally ready to go leave the house

"Jane?"

She looked up, her eyebrows raised slightly. Her father was looking at her inquisitively. He folded and put down the newspaper, smoothing over the creases.

"Yeah? Do you need something Dad?", was her automatic response. She was expecting him to ask her for another coffee, or to get him a file that he needed to look over.

He hesitated, then cleared his throat, rubbing his chin. El was surprised to see how nervous he seemed.

"We haven't – well – we haven't talked in a while," he smiled warmly. "About how you're getting on. With school, with friends. I think maybe we should have a little chat perhaps?"

Don't fall for it, she told herself. "I have school," she answered flatly. "There's this test I need to study for…"

He gave a chuckle. "Look at you, studying away. School doesn't start for another forty minutes, and it's only a short walk. You can spare ten minutes for me honey can't you?" He gave her a huge smile, slightly catching her off guard. "I feel as though I hardly see you."

Yeah, because you fucking ignore me, El thought. At the same time, she felt a glimmer of hope rise up in her, even as those dark thoughts plagued her mind. And by dark thoughts, they were of course, that thing that she had refused let herself think about. The thing that her mind had gone over again and again, trying to piece it all together. The thoughts of what – what her father may be involved in. But she just shrugged nonchalantly, and sat down at the other end of the table.

She saw Diane standing there at the doorway, looking at the two of them. She did not look happy to say the least.

"Oh sweetheart, do you think you could go check on those forms that I'm printing?" Her father said to his wife. "I think the printer needs more ink. There should be some on the shelf in my office, on the top right hand side beside the staples."

Diane opened her red painted mouth, as if she was going to protest. But to El's surprise, she smiled sweetly. "Well of course dear," before simply turning and leaving the kitchen. She left the door ajar though.

"So, Jane. Honey." Her father folded his arms. His bruises were almost gone, and he no longer needed the crutches to get around the place. The doctors were apparently very pleased with his speedy recovery. "How are you doing?"

"Good," she managed brightly.

"School going okay? Studying hard? Are you keeping up with all your homework?"

"Yep."

"Any upcoming projects?"

"Yeah, I have to submit a project on volcanoes for Geography."

"Ah that's good. Do you - need any help with that?"

"No I'm fine thanks."

"Ah good. Good, good, good," he murmured.

An awkward silence filled the room. El avoided eye contact with him. She cleared her throat, and swung her feet slightly. Now was probably her queue to leave. "I – have to um –"

"Oh yes," her father practically blurted out. "You still singing away? Doing that theatre stuff? You were always good at that."

El stared at him. What was he trying to do? It felt so strange and out of place she didn't know how to react. "I'm just concentrating on doing my work and getting into college Dad," she answered. Though she couldn't help but feel pleased at the fact that he remembered one of her passionate hobbies.

"And writing too? Any upcoming projects? Working on any novels?" El frowned, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. This conversation was getting – weird now. It seemed like he was trying to come up with random topics to talk about.

"Remember when you came second in that essay competition and you got a gift voucher. You were just – twelve was it? That was some achievement. I was so proud of you honey, especially when you got up on the stage in the auditorium and received your prize."

El frowned, trying to remember. "I – you weren't there that day."

"Of course I was."

"No," she said slowly. "You couldn't get away from work, remember?"

"Really?" He looked confused. El felt like shaking him. "Yes, Dad. But it's fine. That was years and years ago."

"Oh, I also remember when you were into the dancing too. You weren't half-bad." He scratched his head, frowning. "What was it called again?"

El frowned, not really sure why he kept bringing up past hobbies of hers. It was nice and all, but… "You mean hip-hop? I gave that up years ago. Diane said it was too expensive."

He waved his hand. "Oh psh. Your step-mother worries too much about money. She needs to lighten up, let you go out more often. You're still a teenager after all. You should be going out, partying, drinking, meeting up with friends. Not holed up in your room, studying for hours. You only live life once. I think you should go at it again. I used to watch you practicing in the garden. It might be something to distract you from the pressure at school. And you were very good at it too!"

She frowned. "You think so?"

"Yes! You shouldn't be worrying so much about schoolwork honey. It doesn't matter if you don't get the best results or even the college you want. You need to let loose, and enjoy life."

Enjoy. Enjoy her life here? She wanted to leave this place with every fibre of her being. It was hell on earth. That was why she was working so hard. She wanted to get to college so she could get out of this town. This house. So she could get away from her.

He smiled, looking wistful for a momnet. "I wish – we had spent more time together in the past. You and me. And I regret that I always put work before everything else. We could have… Like – I don't know. Gone to the theatre or church or something."

"I'm not a church person, Dad."

"Right of course, yes," he chuckled. "I'm not either. Your mother was though. She really was a bright soul." His eyes looked far away in that moment. Something like sadness crossed his expression.

This statement was so unexpected it sent a shock wave through her. Her father had not mentioned her mother – in this house of all places – in years. "Really?", she queried. "I would never have thought that you saw her that way. I mean - you left her."

"We separated honey," he said gently. "There's a difference. We grew apart. It happens. It was for the best, for all of us. And look, it's not our fault that she didn't get the help that she needed. What she did was her decision. I can't be blamed for that."

"I almost died that day Dad. She tried to take me with her."

His face was stricken. "Jane. I don't know what – what do you want me to say? Look, I'm thankful that you're alive, I am. It's a miracle that you're here today. But it's the past. We need to move on from that, get on with our lives. And I had assumed that you had already moved on. Like I said before, I wasn't responsible for your mother's actions."

Here he was now. Faking innocence. Acting like what happened to her mother wasn't his fault.

She felt sick. "I have to go," she stood up very quickly. "I have a maths test that I need to study for before school."

"Wait! Jane, can I just ask you one last thing before you go?" He practically jumped out of his seat. "It's very important." She saw the concern etched in his face. El sighed but relented.

He raised his hands, clasping them together. "Honey," his voice was gentle. "Has anyone ever threatened you? In school or in town? Or perhaps sent you any messages?"

"No."

"Okay. Now listen. This is very important, honey. Have you gone to the – bad side of town recently?"

"You mean West Side? Nope," El answered straight away, the lie slipping off her tongue like honey. She felt a twinge of guilt, but she pushed it aside. "I mean – you told me not to, right?"

"Are you sure?" His grey eyes looked straight at her, full of concern. "You need to be very honest with me honey. That is a dangerous place full of lowlifes. I deal with them everyday. And some of them would have some kind of a vendetta against me. I have put several of them in jail, and I'm working on putting more of them away. My beating isn't gonna stop me. You are my daughter, so I need to make sure. If you even went within a hundred yards of that area, then I need to know."

She stared at him. He did seem – concerned. "You worried about the gangs there?"

His expression darkened. "Yes. But we're gonna get them in prison someday, don't worry. You can count on me."

Now was the time. She had to pop the question. Carefully though. She couldn't make herself look suspicious. She folded her arms, feigning nonchalance. "So… what is it that they do, exactly? These gangs. Like that one I saw you get into a spat with a couple of months ago."

"Many, many things," he said, looking down at his coffee. "Things that a teenage girl like you doesn't need to know about."

"Like what things?"

"Just many, many things darling."

If there was one thing that El hated, it was when adults gave vague answers instead of real explanations. "You mean drug trafficking?", she said innocently.

He blinked and frowned. "Well, yes. Of course. All of that stuff."

She bit her lip, fear bubbling up inside of her. "And – sex trafficking too?"

He froze. Was it her imagination, or did his skin just turn paler. "What on earth makes you think of that?", he said sharply.

Her heart rate increased. "Well if theres gangs doing drug trafficking, then there's gotta be sex-trafficking too. I mean, they basically go hand-in-hand, right?"

He was silent for a long time. "I - suppose they do. But definitely not in Hawkins, kid. Trust me. If there were sex traffickers in the area, I would know. And we would have stormed them and taken them down in a heartbeat. You can be sure of that."

She wanted to believe him. She really did. But she couldn't stop the doubt from curdling in her stomach.

He frowned, tilting his head. "Why? Is there something that you need to talk to me about, honey?"

Her heart hammered against her chest. She forced herself to relax. "No," she said brightly. "I haven't. Now I really have to get to school now." She turned to go.

"One last thing," he called out to her. "Your sister told me that you have a phone now?"

Crap. That little tattler of a sister must have seen her use it. Or had snuck into her room and found it. "I do," she said quietly.

His jaw was set. "With what money? Our money?"

"No, no. I kept aside some pocket money and saved up to get it. It was on offer, so…"

Her father sighed heavily. "I don't have a problem with cellphones, Jane. I'm glad you have one now, you're old enough. We know you're a responsible girl. But I do wish that you could have asked me or Diane beforehand. Getting phones is a family decision."

"Really? I didn't realise that I was a part of this family," El snapped before she could stop herself.

"Jane! Be quiet. How dare you speak that way to your father!"

El closed her eyes. Of course. Of course, Diane would be standing outside the kitchen, listening to every word they were saying.

Diane stalked into the room, taking up a position behind her father's chair. "Apologize," she said softly. El heard the threat in her tone.

She looked at her father. "I'm sorry, Dad."

He simply nodded sternly. "It's all right, Jane."

"We're going to overlook this little temper tantrum of yours. As well as your dishonesty," Diane said coldly. "But I warn you young lady. Don't start thinking that you can get away with this. The next time I hear another ungrateful word from your mouth, we might have to rethink letting you use your college funds."

Her entire body went numb. The whole room began to spin around her. "What do you mean? That's my money that my mom left me. It's supposed to go to me when I turn eighteen. It's my right."

"Not if we say otherwise," a smile curled on her lips. "We are still your guardians. Everything that is your so-called inheritance if you can even call it that, is under our jurisdiction. Therefore, we have a right to take out that money for our own financial reasons if you are still a minor. So don't you date lord it over us. Right now, your father and I own that money. And what we say goes."

El was convinced that the floor was slipping out from under her feet. Anger rose up inside her as she stared at them, her mouth gaping open. Her eyes stung. That – that money. It was the only thing that had given her hope, all these years as she was living under this roof. Horror filled her thoughts. Was it even still there-?

Diane gave her a dazzling smile. El felt pure hate clench her soul. "Glad that's all cleared up," she said sweetly. "Now run along dearie. Or you'll be late for school. And don't even think about coming home late. I expect you to be back at the usual time so you can do your chores."

El's limbs shook as she left the house. She hated them. Diane, her father, Sara. They weren't her family. They didn't give a crap about her. They just wanted to use her, for her money, to get information from her, for blackmail… Her heart twisted. Why was her life like this? What had she done to deserve it? Was God really so powerless that he couldn't save her? She thought back to how Max had said that the devil had found her way into her life. Well if that was true, and the devil, supposing he was real, was this powerful, he had been a blinding presence in her life since the day she was born.

Seeing the way her father looked at Diane, like she was the only thing that existed for him, made her chest contort painfully. And she felt terrible about herself for feeling that way, for acting so selfishly. It wasn't because she couldn't remember the last time her father looked at her that way or because her father didn't love her mother enough to stay with her. It was because it was the exact same way he looked at her.

She missed him. It wasn't because she was attracted to him physically. Not that she wasn't. She often let her mind wander to places that made her cringe once she snapped herself out of it. She missed the sound of his voice, his low chuckle, his kindness, his empathy, the way he looked at her like she was the only thing that existed…

She aimed a kick at the wall, biting her lip in anger.

"Careful. Walls have feelings too you know."

She rolled her eyes, stopping three feet beside a car parked a good distance from her house. "Hello Will."

He looked at her through the open window in that solemn way, his longish fringe dipping over his eyes. "What's up El."

"Still stalking me?"

His face didn't change. "Is that what you want to call it?"

"You park fifty yards from where I live just because your buddy is too much of a pussy to just move on with his life," she snapped angrily.

A scowl appeared on his expression. "Okay listen here. You're not being fair El. He's wrecking his head worrying about you-"

"Really? My heart bleeds for him." She was so bitter and tired. And hurting. Taking it all out on Will wasn't fair but she didn't know what to do.

"There's no need to be so mean."

"I don't care. I can be mean if I want to, it's my fucking life."

"Jeez, you're in a good mood. I have no idea what he sees in you," he sighed.

"Oi, I didn't ask for your opinion. Go play stalker on another girl."

"Look, I'm here because Mike's worried. He's basically my brother. I know him better than anyone. And he cares about you."

"That's nice, considering that he means nothing to me."

Will blanched a bit. "You don't mean that."

Her heart was hard as she spoke. "Yes I do."

"You need help," Will said quietly. "Why can't you just accept that? You seem to be angry all the time, El, or have you not noticed?"

"And who's fault is that?"

"You're just being ridiculous," he snapped. "Stop blaming everyone else for your problems. I'm here because I care about you, not just on account of Mike."

"I don't need you. And I certainly don't need him. I'm fine, you hear me? So fuck off. Unless you want me to tell my dad that there's a hydra parked no more than fifty feet outside of our house. Wouldn't that make your day?"

Will pressed his lips together coldly. "Someday, you're going to wake up and find that there is no one left who cares about you, if you carry on like this."

"Bye, Will. Have a nice day," El snapped, before striding away. She didn't care that she was being a bitch. Even though she knew in her heart, that he was just trying to help.

Will watched her go. He said a silent prayer in his head, closing his eyes. He didn't know if he was being heard. But he was seeing a broken girl before him, someone who was experiencing a lot of pain and hate. He felt completely helpless. This was the only thing he could think of doing. He had seen that anger before. In Mike. Two suffering souls. That had somehow found their way to each other.

When they were together, Mike had been happier than he had ever seen in years. That couldn't have been an accident.

"Yo! Hurry up, girl," Max shouted from where she was standing by the steps to the school, as El jogged over to her.

"You're wearing PE clothes? Ah good, you are."

"Yeah, Max, why exactly am I wearing sports clothes?" El tugged at her school bag. Her head ached from her long day at school. She couldn't help but look around the parking lot. She was half expecting to see someone, like Sara or Will peering out at her. Or him. Why was everyone always observing her?

Max smiled. "I figured that if I'm going to be there for you, I'm going to help you pick out a hobby that you love. I made a list, right here." She shoved a piece of paper right under her nose. "Each week, we do something different."

El frowned as her eyes skimmed the list. "You want me to do dancing today?"

"There's no better way to get your mood and energy levels up."

Her eyes widened when she noticed other things she had written down. "Rock climbing, archery, babysitting, swimming – wait swimming?"

"Sure," she said brightly.

El shook her head rapidly. "M-Max no. I don't want – I can't –"

"Sure you can," she said dismissively. "You never know unless you try it. Ooh, I can't wait till we try karate, it is going to be so lit."

"Oh so what's next? Bungee jumping?" El remarked sarcastically.

Mad looked thoughtful. "That – is an excellent idea! Ellie, you genius. I'll add it my list

"What – but," she spluttered.

"Ah, ah," Max waved her finger at her. "No buts. We are doing this for your own mental health. I'm not going to let you waste away girl. You're task is to fulfill this entire bucket list and have fun while doing it."

"I hate you."

"No you don't, admit it."

"I'm not gonna do all of those things, Max," she shoved the list back to her. "This is so stupid."

"Oh come on, you need to do something! Get out and have fun, instead of spending all of your time studying and moping. No offense."

"None taken," she muttered.

When they got Max's house, it had gotten considerably cooler.

El sat on the grass in Max's small front yard, while Max sat on the steps, tapping her foot impatiently and muttering about the pure uselessness of Logan and Shelby because they were always late for everything. El pulled at the grass repeatedly, scattering them all around her. It somehow felt satisfying. She remembered how when she was little she would make little grass bracelets by plaiting them together.

She closed her eyes for a moment, wanting to feel peaceful. She didn't. The moment she did so, her mind went back to him.

Why in God's name was she so obsessed with him? She had cut all ties with him. It was over. Wasn't it?

El wondered if Will was still parked near her house. She wondered how long he was going to keep that up for.

She knew why they were doing this. And she hated it. She hated that they basically knew everything about her.

"I hate you," she muttered. "I hate you so much, but I just can't stop thinking about you. For fuck's sake, why can't you just get out of my head? Get out!"

With that, she ripped out a chunk of grass and flung it. A warm energy zipped through her body, and before she knew what was happening, there was a deafening crashing sound. Max leapt up in shock. Several bins that had been sitting in a line across the street were violently knocked down. Rubbish spilled everywhere, as they rolled off the pavement.

"What the hell? Ellie did you see that?" Max gaped.

"Wow," El said, much louder than she intended it to be. Her mind was racing and she wiped her already sweating hands. Shit. "That must have been one hell of a wind, huh?"

Max gave her a funny look. "There was no wind."

"Well there must have been," she laughed. "I mean, how else could that have happened?"

"Mmm. I suppose." She stared at the bins, her head cocked to one side. Several people were piling out of their houses to see what the commotion had been. They began to start picking up rubbish and pulling up the bins.

Max was still staring, chewing her lip. She had to distract her.

"Uh, Max? I need to ask you something. Really important."

"Mmm?"

"How do you know whether you're in love with someone, or just like the idea of them just being there?" She gabbled. "You know, the idea of having a boyfriend?"

Finally she turned to face her, looking indignant. "This about that guy? El you shouldn't be thinking about him so much!"

"I don't, I just-"

"You know who you should be thinking about? A very handsome hunk by the name of Josh," she winked, coming over to her.

"No. Na-ah." El held up her hands. "Not happening."

"El just talk to the guy! He really likes you, any fool can see that."

"No, Max-"

Thankfully her protest was cut off when a shout came from behind them. Max's friends, Logan and Shelby had arrived.

"Ah, here come the lazy bastards."

"What's up?" The two teenagers greeted them. Logan pointed at the commotion. "What happened?"

"A wind!" El blurted. "A very strong wind. Isn't that so weird? Hahaha." She laughed loudly, making it seem like a joke.

None of them laughed. Logan looked awkward, Nicola look curious and Max had a very worried expression on her face. "El? Are you okay?"

"Yes! Um, why wouldn't I be? I'm ready to uh, you know! Do some dancing, finally." El did an air punch, even as she finally realized just how ridiculous she sounded. They all stared at her in confusion

Shelby smiled at El, thankfully breaking the awkward silence. "Right, so, ready to get some dance moves on, girl?"

"Sorta. So you're a dancer?"

"Oh sure. Since I was like eight. So Max was telling us that you used to do hip hop?"

"For like less than a year," El said impatiently, her false brightness wearing off.

She had just done hip-hop for about nine months before she was forced to quit. But she had always loved the feeling of it. Just letting her body move to the music. But she wasn't sure if it was something that she wanted to try again. By the looks of it, the others were probably very experienced dancers. "I am very rusty, I'm afraid," she told them. "There's probably no point in teaching me."

Shelby placed her hands on her hips. "Nonsense. I'm assuming that we just need to show you the basics again. Anyone can do basics."

"It'll be fun," Logan told her, smiling. "It's good for your fitness."

El sighed, giving in. What harm could it do? And it was for her fitness so…

She got into position beside them, copying their stretches. She peeled off her hoodie. She had remembered to put on her rubber bands as usual. To cover up her arm.

Logan looked at the rubber bands, frowning. "What's with the rubber bands?"

"Logan!" Max snapped. "Not now, okay?"

"All right, all right," he raised his hands, and sauntered over to attach his phone to his bluetooth. Cardi B started playing.

"You got this, okay?" He told El. "This is supposed to be fun, so don't take yourself too seriously." He gestured at her legs. "Bend the knees slightly."

"Oh, right. Yeah." She did so immediately. Shelby was going right at it, moving her body to the music at a speed that made El feel rather useless. But she danced anyway, following their lead. It was a lot harder than she remembered.

She copied every move that they showed her. Pretty soon, she got used to the flow of it. Moving her limbs while gradually adding a bounce to them, she began to feel more at ease, and began to speed up. She moved her hips as best as she could. Every time she looked up, Max would grin at her in delight and put her thumbs up. That helped her too. Her muscles began to burn, and sweat soaked her skin. By the end of the hour, she had cramps everywhere. But she was smiling.

"Like it?" Max sidled up to her.

She had forgotten this feeling. The feeling that she could express her emotions through dance. "Yes. That was the most tiring, but refreshing thing I've ever done."

"The next time we go clubbing girl, I'm gonna have you doing sick moves on the dance floor."

El felt a grin spread across her face. She felt – good. Maybe this was exactly what she needed.

That night, after she had finally finished her chores, she felt like collapsing. Everyone had gone to bed at this point. She trudged down to her room, her eyes drooping. She still had that stupid essay to finish.

She had just left the bathroom when she caught sight of movement outside the window. Her blood ran cold as she peered out. But the tension ceased when she saw that it was just her father walking disn the driveway.

She frowned, gripping the window pane. Why was her father heading out? This late at night?

Her father was often called out to deal with something that needed the cop's attention. So why did El feel so uneasy?

What she had been told about the cops… Is it at all possible that it was true? This horrible, nightmarish thing that had haunted her, day and night. It was probably all a lie. It had to be. She gulped. But she had to know.

She looked back at her bedroom, seeing the essay lying discarded on the desk. She pursed her lips. Without thinking, El pulled the window open. It was so idiotic of her to do this. She could get caught. Diane could wake up at any moment and catch her.

But she simply pressed her lips together and grabbed her coat, and pushed herself out of the window, wincing at lingering back pains. Heart in her mouth, she crouched down low, and swiftly ran crept towards the jeep, keeping to the shadows. Every instinct was telling her that she was being completely foolish.

Her father was speaking to someone on the phone. And he was furious. In fact, she had never seen him this angry before. He was speaking in a hushed voice, but judging by his tone, it sounded as if he was making threats. The sight of it frightened her.

El made up her mind. It was too late to turn back now. She had to know.

About fifty yards away, Will Byers sat in his car, staring in disbelief as he watched a familiar small figure climb over the picket fence of her garden, and make her way towards the jeep. The police chief was standing a few feet away, speaking to someone on the phone. Judging by the way he was waving his hand about frantically he was angry about something. If he turned around, he would see his own daughter slowly sneaking towards the vehicle.

It was all too clear what he was going to do.

"Go inside," he whispered urgently. "For the love of God, go inside."

His prayers weren't answered. He watched helplessly as she climbed into the truck, pulling canvas over herself. Was this idiot trying to get herself killed?

There was only one reason why she'd pull a stupid move like that. She wanted to see proof. That was what she was after.

The chief finally got off his phone, and got into the jeep. He had noticed nothing. Will stared at the jeep as it drove off. Fantastic. This was exactly what he needed right now. El had no idea what she had just gotten herself into. He hastily typed out a text and sent it.

He started up the engine and started driving after them.

So here is my (sorta) good news. Tell me your own news in the comments!

During this pandemic, a friend of mine from school contacted me out of nowhere. She basically wrote this big long apology for everything that had happened between me and our old group friends. A group that I'm no longer with, but one that she's still in. But what she said really touched me. She told me that she really hated herself for letting them treat me badly and for not sticking up for me, and that she was young and stupid. While this was really nice to hear, it sort of opened my eyes as well to a harsh reality.

Lets just say that those girls, who I had hung out with for years, weren't really my friends. I thought they were, but they weren't, and I have no idea why they treated me the way they did. Now, I'm relieving all the stuff they did in the past, because I had previously blocked it out. I just told myself that I was being dramatic and stupid, because that is what they told me whenever I made it clear that I wasn't happy with the way I was being treated. They were one of the main reasons why I had a lot of self-hate. And it's something that I still struggle with.

Maybe I'll never know why they were mean to me. Sometimes I really really hate them, even though I know I shouldn't because they're not worth it.

On the bright side though, college has been amazing. I am convinced that I have met my best friends for life there. My new friends are totally crazy and wild and I love them to bits❤️ ️ So things do work out in the end.