Note: Some humour elements may not be up to standard (hmm? What standard?) due to personal problems. Also, I blame the school. Certain schools drain all the inspiration out of you. __ …which is rather shameful to admit to – my having writer's block on a brainless humour fic.
Thanks!!! to all the reviewers. And phoebe: ooh, you got an idea there…
Disclaimer: Kazuya Minekura owns all Saiyuki characters.
(It is about time someone wrote a disclaimer proper, without all the side comments and remarks.
Oops.)
Makai TEN… what was that again?
By s.C.
PART TWO – Continuation of Said Nightmare
So it was said that it had started out like any other normal morning.
Sadly, they were now reduced to a bunch of highly irritated people with mismatched weapons, sans one who remained patient, and deaf. Still, their journey continued, as nobody gave a damn whether Hakkai posed a road hazard or not. As per normal, the occupants of the backseat were deep in their happy insulting, and those of the front seats were a contrast in decibels, though Sanzo was muttering about how he knew he hated gods, even self-proclaimed ones, with a vengeance.
Hn. I knew gods are shameless, but not to… this extent.
Just a few moments earlier, Goyjo's attempt at infringing the given orders of not to reclaim his rightful weapon failed miserably.
Specifically, it was thwarted by a rather disconcerting "zap" upon contact with the shakujou, accompanied by some not-so-mild flashes of blue.
"Oi," Goku had poked the very singed kappa, and out of the radio, strains of "Rules of the Game" by Jermaine Dupri floated through the air.
Definitely shameless.
"So, Sanzo. What do you make of this?" Hakkai glanced briefly at the subject of his question.
"Keep your eyes on the road," Sanzo muttered. "And no, I don't know what this is, but I don't particularly care either – you can tell this joke will run out of steam soon."
Hakkai had returned his gaze on him. He was waiting for an answer. Twitching involuntarily, Sanzo proceeded to convey his opinion again, this time rather dangerously and softly into Hakkai's ear.
"Ah," Hakkai replied as he focused on the dust trail once more, unaware that the menacingly quiet whisper had in fact silenced the bickering at the back.
And so, the journey continued in peace… other than "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad" mocking over the radio.
* * *
But if one remembers The Ultimate Guide to Writing Fanfiction #2, Section 12A-2 correctly, such serenity should never be accessible to characters in circumstances like this; it is quite illegal.
Thus,
"Ah. Looks like there's entertainment up ahead, people," smiled Hakkai.
Incidentally, the entertainment proved to be one lone youkai, who was strangely looking dazed and had a why-am-I-here expression on his face. But then he jerked his head up, as though he heard a voice in his head telling him to run at the on-coming jeep, or go dance with them, or something. Er. So the obedient youkai charged.
"Well, I'll just blast him away with my k… gun," Hakkai announced cheerfully, a green glow materialising in his right hand. The three passengers prayed silently for their own well-being, which was currently in a left hand that was steering a vehicle at 80 kph. This very important hand was all that was preventing Sanzo from reaching over and strangling the driver.
"Hakkai…" Sanzo gritted his teeth, but stopped short when he noticed Hakkai wielding his weapon like a lance, aiming at the youkai.
"Hakkai! What are you doing with my nyoibou??" Goku exclaimed at the sight of his weapon in yet another person's hand.
"Well, I'm making sure that youkais get educated on the fatalness of jaywalking; it's very bad for your health," came the casual reply, accompanied by a THUD, "Gaaaaaah!" and a rather irritating squish under the wheels.
"Erm. I mean, why do you have nyoibou in your possession?" Goku asked, stealing a glance back at the youkai, who had acquired a very unfortunate tire-mark tattoo.
"It just appeared. Whoops, here comes another one. Hold tight."
"Youkais seem to be popping up at will today," observed Gojyo, as another youkai emerged in the distance after the current one was similarly disciplined under Hakkai's education.
Sanzo thought he heard someone cackling from the radio.
* * *
"Hakkai, I didn't know you were so gifted in handling the nyoibou," Goku wondered, as he witnessed Hakkai downing his 27th youkai.
"Teachers use sticks like this as well, you know." Hakkai allowed a smile to creep across his face, as his monocle glinted conveniently in the sunlight.
"… …"
* * *
Jeep finally ground to a halt in front of another semi circle of youkai thugs.
"This is completely demented," Sanzo enunciated slowly, as the semi circle inched closer but still not quite attacking yet – a behaviour wont to happen as far as they were concerned.
"I'm taking a break. Take care of them," Sanzo ordered, as he folded his arms and closed his eyes.
"Wha…?"
"Sanzo, they'll attack you anyway even if you don't go to them," smiled Hakkai.
"Attaaaaaaaack!" Goku leapt out of his seat and commanded habitually, "Nyoibou!"
* * *
"Gojyo, you say my nyoibou is a toothpick?? Your shakujou is as easy as a pea!" Goku tittered, as he swung the new-found heavy metal with ease, knocking out several youkais at once.
"…that's a very good analogy, saru." Goyjo could scarcely keep himself from chuckling that a "pea" could actually be referred to as "easy" – like a lady. But in his head, horny gears were creaking in complicated calculation: if Hakkai has the nyoibou, Goku has the shakujou, and if Sanzo cannot get his weapon, then I…
* * *
Elsewhere, a certain priest sighed as a youkai came charging in his direction.
"I am taking a rest, you idiot," Sanzo muttered as he reached into his sleeves.
He produced a melon.
Let's try that again.
He reached into his sleeves.
He brandished an orange.
"… …"
Sanzo was certainly seething. It was such a spectacular state of simmer that he could not even bring himself to grind out –
"What the HELL?!"
"Em, Goyjo…" Hakkai's eyes widened nervously as he caught sight of the gadget in Goyjo's possession.
"What the hell?! What the HEAVEN!" Goyjo whistled, as he twirled the weapon of Mass Destruction in his hands.
Indeed, Hakkai recognised it as the Weapon of Mass Destruction, Friend and Foe Beware Especially If in Goyjo's Hands (i.e. Model: WMD.FF BEIGH). Also known affectionately by us as the Smith & Wesson's.
"Woohoo!" He fired.
The bullet whizzed past Sanzo's ear.
*
*
*
It was as if the Earth stopped spinning. Hell, it probably did, to await in anticipation the grandest explosion since The Big Bang that would occur.
"You—"
"Wow, Sanzo. You're burning." Goku marvelled at the brilliant wall of fire raging around said priest.
"Sanzo, calm down." Hakkai flapped his hands desperately. "Goyjo didn't mean it. I think."
"Gee, thanks Hakkai." Gojyo buried his face in one hand as he peeked at Sanzo between the fingers. "*cough* Sorry sir. I *hmppth* really *kmpth* didn't mean it." Although Goyjo's gaze flickered warily between Sanzo's dangerously shadowed face and twitching hands, he was simply bursting inside just to keep on a straight face at the sight of Sanzo's reaction. The hand didn't exactly provide an adequate cover for his upturning mouth.
"I really didn't *kmmpthffhaha* didn't *pthfffhehe* didn't *jeezcoughkahaha* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
*
*
*
"GODDAMIT! It's not deliberate!" Gojyo cried as he tried to run from the hailstorm of melons and oranges hurled at him.
"Sanzo," Hakkai called. "I think you can try a ki-blast."
"HAKKAI YOU EVIL BASTARD!" Goyjo screamed from some corner of the Earth.
"Oh dear. Sanzo, I think that's big enough." Hakkai eyed the elephant-sized pulsating verdant light at Sanzo's hands – and disposal.
"COCKROACH! YOU WILL DIE!"
*
*
*
When all dust had settled, when any minute trace of the dinosaurs had surely all but vanished, when the sky finally recovered its cheerful azure, and when Earth once again spun on its axis, resuming its usual path around the Sun again…
…Hakkai and Goku dared to survey the extent of destruction.
But just as what many a legend describes in awe, cockroaches live a long life.
* * *
Jeep bounced along the trail, relieved that its owner had one less attribute of a reckless driver.
"Hakkai, you sure you can hear properly now?" Goku poked his head in the front seat area for the umpteenth time.
"Yes he can. Now. Get. Back." Sanzo tried to nudge Goku's inquisitive head back to the rear, albeit unsuccessfully. So he crashed Goku back outstandingly with an indifferent swing of the elbow.
"Ow hurts" Came the weak lament. Then Goku wearily engaged himself in one of the magazines he came to find in his belongings. The true owner of these XXX magazines was, incidentally, out cold at the back.
* * *
"So, Sanzo. What do you make of this?"
Sanzo glanced sidelong at Hakkai.
"CAN YOU STOP ASKING HIM? I'M THE ONE IN CHARGE HERE!"
"No you aren't." Hakkai clicked the radio off.
"Now why didn't we do that in the first place?" yawned Goku, who was in obvious boredom and had resorted to poking Goyjo in various places (!!!).
"I couldn't switch it off then."
"Well then, why are you able to do so now?"
"… …"
* * *
Somewhere in radio-land, an evil chuckle echoed.
-----------
TBC
(What, this chapter's ended?? I think I cringed when I reread the contents.)
Note on (!!!) – Goku did that to seek out Goyjo's weak spots for future advantages. Fighting advantages. Not anything else. ^__^
I might repost this chapter after some/much editing. But then again, *pokes at procrastinating motor neurons* …I don't think so.
Sorry for the delay in this chapter. The third chapter might make up for it.
Any youkai present in this chapter was conveniently forgotten halfway. ^_^