A/N: This is going to be a two-part story, depending on whether or not you like the first part;-) Have fun!

Memories

"Truth or dare? Really?" Elena raised her eyebrows at her friends, who suggested the game to her.

"Oh come on! It's fun! Besides, you don't have anything to hide from us, right?"

Caroline Forbes was always the life of the party whenever they got together. Nothing had really changed in that apartment, even as they had gotten older. She had also been the one to suggest these get togethers; every 6 months on a Friday night, they would get together and celebrate their life long friendship. She, Caroline and Bonnie Bennet had known each other since kindergarten and like Caroline said, they had nothing to hide from each other.

"Isn't 'Truth of dare' for kids half our age?" Bonnie put her two cents in. "We're 39 years old, boringly married, kids.. I mean, what skeletons do you want to find?"

"The two of us are married with kids. Elena is not. Besides, even the married ones can have some sort of secret. We're not dead just because we popped out a few kids, you know."

Bonnie took a sip of her wine and smirked.

"Oh? Now you're talking! Out with the secrets, Caroline!"

Elena laughed at her two friends, making fun of each other. She always looked forward to these nights. Sure, they also saw each other on other occasions, but these nights were just for them. It seemed like a lifetime ago when they first met and so much had happened since then. Caroline had married Klaus Michaelson and they had two boys together. Bonnie was with Enzo St. John and they had a daughter. Elena was so happy for both of them. And herself? She had divorced Matt Donovan a few years back. No children. It stung sometimes, because to her it felt like she somehow didn't make something of herself. She was 39 and still single…. And it sucked. Oh well, she shouldn't dwell on those facts and enjoy the night instead.

"Isn't 'Truth of dare' sort of redundant with us? We tell each other everything whenever we see each other. We're best friends. I highly doubt there's anything fun to find in this game," Elena said.

Caroline jumped up from her place and began to flail her arms wildly, making Elena chuckle. "Well, that's the fun in itself then! Elena, I dare you to look back at your life and search for anything that you haven't told us."

"Whoa, wait. I hadn't realized the game had started already."

"Yeah, and who says it's her turn?" Bonnie piped up.

"You want to go first?" Caroline winked at her.

"Oh this is so juvenile."

"You're a party pooper, Bennet!"

"All right, all right! I'll do it. I'll start and I choose 'truth.' Happy now?" Elena settled the dispute. "Do you two have a question that you've always wanted to ask me?"

Caroline and Bonnie looked at each other, pondering this. They didn't seem to come up with anything. "See, I told you; this game is useless to us. We know each other too well."

Caroline held her hand up, silencing her. "There has to be something, Elena. We'll keep digging."

"There uh… there is one thing that I would really like to ask you…," Bonnie interrupted quietly.

"So shoot, then."

"You and Matt.. "

"Yeah..?" Elena frowned a bit at Bonnie's nervousness.

"Why did it really end? You were always a bit vague on that specific topic."

Elena's heart seemed to skip a beat. She hadn't expected that. Picking up her wine, she looked into the glass, swirling the liquid around. The silence was suddenly deafening.

"If you don't want to answer…" Bonnie offered.

"No, it's all right. I'll have to answer this question to myself as well. I can't keep sticking my head in the sand any longer. I ended the marriage because the love wasn't there anymore. But I've been asking myself for a long time now if the love was there at all. You guys have been in love countless of times. I… I feel like I haven't. My choice to marry Matt came out of an escape of some sorts. I was getting older, everyone around me was getting married and having children. He was always there in my life. My one constant that I could count on. He would never hurt me. But God, he did nothing to my heart if I'm honest. I loved him… I will always love him.. Just not in that way, I guess."

Bonnie and Caroline were quiet after that admission. They just stared at her with big eyes. Elena got up on her feet and walked over to the fireplace, staring in the flames.

"And now I feel guilty for using him in that way. I wanted to be married, to be one half of a whole.. Heck, I just wanted to be off the market! I've hurt Matt and I'll spend the rest of my life apologizing for that."

"But.. ," Caroline uttered. "Have you never been in love, then?"

Elena picked at something on her shirt. "I have. It was the most exhilarating and at the same time the most awful emotion that I have ever felt in my entire life. I hope I'll never have to go through that pain again for as long as I live."

She turned around to face her friends, who looked baffled. "I just don't get this, Elena. I thought that you had been in love with Matt. He was your first… in everything! Right? I mean, you told us that he was. Have you ever been with anyone before Matt then?"

"No! It wasn't like that. Yes, Matt was my first; my first boyfriend, my first sex.. He just wasn't my first love."

"Elena Gilbert! I've known you since forever and you wait for a stupid game years later to tell me this?!" Caroline exclaimed.

"So now you say that it's a stupid game," Bonnie mumbled.

"Hush, you!"

"This has always been my secret, that I didn't love Matt. I guess I didn't want to admit it to myself because what would that make of me? But then something happened that sort of forced me to admit it. I saw my first love walking down the street a few years ago and the way I reacted to him was… so powerful that I knew.. I knew that I wasn't being fair to Matt."

Bonnie got up and walked over towards Elena. "You saw your first love? When? Who is he? Why didn't you guys work out?

"That's a lot of questions. I thought you were only allowed to ask one?" Elena tried to make light of the situation.

"Elena! I'm just now figuring out that you've been hiding something for me for years. Come on!" Bonnie retorted.

"I wasn't deliberately hiding it from you guys, I was in denial."

Caroline sighed, putting her hands on Elena's shoulders. "Okay, let's back up a bit. First of all, it's not your fault that you didn't… couldn't love Matt. You can't force yourself to love someone. Yes, you married him and that was obviously a mistake, but you gave him an out, right? You ended the marriage so he could be happy. You realized the errors of your ways. So stop dwelling on that. Second of all, what happened with your first love and why didn't you tell us?"

Elena ran her fingers through her hair. Where would she begin? "Well, let's all sit back down first. I need a drink for this." She crawled back on her space on the couch and picked up her glass of wine. Caroline and Bonnie were looking at her expectantly.

"Remember I was working for a cleaning service to earn some extra money while I was in college? We used to clean at this Publisher's office and he worked as a gopher there. I will never forget the first time I saw him.. You know, I never used to believe in love at first sight. Heck, I had never been in love until that very moment. I saw him standing at a desk on the other side of a window that I was looking through and I felt as if lightning had struck me. This shockwave coursed through my body and for a second there, I forget how to breathe. Every word that was ever written about love, every song that was ever sung… they were all true. When he looked up and saw me, the world stopped turning."

Elena stopped to look at her friends, who seemed to be swooning with her words.

"It wasn't beautiful. It was hell. You see, I learned very quickly that this mysterious man, who had knocked me off of my feet, had a girlfriend and I just had no experience with the opposite sex whatsoever. So I decided that I needed to get him out of my mind. I didn't tell anyone and I steered clear of him. It wasn't easy, however. I caught him looking at me occasionally. Those moments took my breath away, but I just didn't know what to do with it. I was so inexperienced and I blamed what I thought I saw on wishful thinking. But to see this guy almost every day and to be confronted with those feelings was unbearable. Of course, then I learned that he had proposed to his girlfriend and I just felt stupid. This man sincerely wasn't interested in me and I needed to move on. I cried the entire night after that and when morning came, I was done with it. At least, I had hoped I was. None other than my father gave me an eye opener one day. It was the local marathon and everyone had gathered on the streets and around the clubs. I ran into the guy and my father saw us talking together. When he left, my father had a huge smirk on his face. He simply told me: "Elena, that boy is in love with you." I set him straight and told him that he saw things wrong, because he was married. Dad was adamant, though. He told me that he knew what he had seen. Of course, what was I to do about it? I'm not, nor will I ever be a homewrecker. I let it go. I let him go. It was high time for that; I had worked there for three years…. Had been in love with someone I could never have for three years… I needed to move on. College was coming to an end and I was possibly the last virgin on earth with my 21 years of age. I quit my job, wound up in Matt's arms and told my first love goodbye… without ever telling him what I had felt for him."

Elena saw how Caroline almost dropped her wineglass with that last statement. A look of shock crossed her features and her mouth opened and closed as if she was a fish on dry land.

"You never… I'm sorry? You've never told him how you felt about him? Not once? In all three years that you were forced to see him, not one word?"

Elena simply shook her head.

"But that's… that's torture! Not to know... Okay, you didn't want to be a homewrecker, but you wouldn't have been by simply telling him. Then he would have had a choice. Okay, if he had still chosen his girlfriend, it would have sucked. But right now, you know nothing. You don't know how he felt, Elena. Maybe, because you were so evasive of him, he thought that you were the one who wasn't interested. Haven't you spent the rest of your life wondering 'what if?' What if you had told him? What would he have done?"

"What would be the point in wondering? He's probably still married to her, Caroline. What's done is done. You can't look back at your life with regrets," Elena shrugged.

"I don't believe you. The first cut is always the deepest and you never forget your first love. You can't possibly tell me that when you saw him walking down the street some time ago that you didn't at least wonder a bit? 'What's his life like? Do I sometimes cross his mind after all this time?' That's got to be on your mind!"

Elena whirled around in anger. "ALL RIGHT, YES!" she suddenly shouted. "Is that what you wanted to hear? I do wonder. It's been 18 freaking years and I still sometimes wish that I had at least given him a hint. I do wonder what he would have done, had I told him that I was fucking nuts about him! But I didn't and I have to live with that decision."

Bonnie got up from her seat and looked serious. "You can figure that one out, you know. Whether he's still married or not. Even if he's not on social media or anything, there are ways. I just.. I can't believe you never told us, Elena. We would have helped you get through this."

Elena smiled at her. "I didn't tell anyone, Bonnie."

"All right, what's his name? Let's see if we can look him up," Caroline jumped in.

"Uhm… it's… it's Damon Salvatore."

There was a slight pause before Elena could see Caroline's eyebrows rising. Apparently, her admission was unsuspected.

"Really? Damon Salvatore?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I just… I would never have him pegged as your type. I remember him and his brother Stefan. They moved away a few months after Damon's wedding. To Richmond, I think. I don't know. Stefan was a bit more of your type in my eyes."

"And why is that?" Elena wanted to know.

Caroline picked up her glass, motioning with it in the air. "I don't know. Because you always go for the boring types?"

"Hey!"

Elena threw a pillow at her, which Caroline dodged easily.

"Bonnie, back me up here. You and I always went for the guys who had a bit of an edge to them. Elena has played it safe for as long as I can remember. I don't mean that the wrong way, Elena. But you were always looking for the father of your children… the kinder men."

"I don't think that's what we need to be focusing on here, Caroline," Bonnie stated. "Elena has just confessed to something that has caused her great guilt and pain. What we need to do here is find Damon Salvatore."

Elena buried her head in her hands. "Can we do that, though? What if he's still married? What if he doesn't remember me?"

Caroline scooted a little closer towards Elena and grabbed hold of her hand. "Honey, from what you've just told me about your encounters with him… he'll remember you. Trust me…."

Elena entered the Mystic Bar & Grill, feeling like crap. Work had been hell… traffic had been hell… nothing was going as planned today. All she needed right now was a drink. The place was packed, which was unusual for a Thursday night. Apparently, everybody was having a shitty day. She sat down at one of the barstools and quickly ordered herself an apple martini.

"Why is this place so crowded?" she asked the bartender.

" A popular band is coming tonight. The Jets. They come with a lot of groupies."

"Just my luck. I was hoping for a quiet night, nursing my drink."

"I could take you back to my place. It sure is quiet there," the bartender winked.

Elena frowned at him. "Really?! Not the time to try and pick me up, buddy."

The bartender shrugged and went back to work, while The Jets set up their stage. Elena rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on. Maybe coming here wasn't such a good idea. She was grouchy. On top of the day that she had already had, Bonnie had rung her up and told her that Damon Salvatore was a very hard man to find. He wasn't on any social media site and there was no way to tell if Caroline's story about him moving to Richmond was true. For all Elena knew, he had moved halfway across the world! Oh well.. it had been a stupid idea anyway. Who the hell looks up their first love? Maybe she still thought of him sometimes because, well… nobody forgot about the first man they ever had feelings for. She had to move on from it, though. Maybe taking the bartender up on his offer wasn't such a bad idea. She needed to let loose for once in her life. Caroline was right; she had always been looking for men who could be the father to her babies. Fun fact was that she had wound up with no children at all!

"Is this seat taken?" she heard a man's voice say next to her. She barely gave him a glance before casually signaling him that he could sit down.

"So are you here for The Jets?"

Elena groaned. Did she look like a groupie?

"Nope."

"Oh too bad. They're really incredible. You're about to find out."

Sure enough the band started to play and Elena had to admit, they didn't sound all that bad. She turned over towards the man sitting next to her to make small talk about it, when her heart skipped a beat.

"No way," she whispered.

After Bonnie and Caroline's search there was just no way that Damon Salvatore simply wound up sitting next to her at a bar! It seemed as if she was thrown back in time, because she felt everything she did back then. The surroundings around her ceased to exist as if he was the only one in the room at that moment. And then he looked at her. She didn't think that he would recognize her as well, but she saw it in his eyes. He knew..

"Hey, didn't we used to work in the same building? Uhm, what was it again? Falls Publishing?" Damon asked.

Elena felt her cheeks turn beet red, while her throat seemed to swell up with her words. No sound was coming out! This was bad! Come on, Elena! This is your one shot. Don't go socially awkward on me now! Ugh, those eyes!

"Uhm yeah.. I think we did," she mumbled.

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God! It had been 18 years. Was he married? Where was his hand, so she could check?

"Elena, right?"

He remembered her name! Hooray!

"Yes, that's me."

"Well, it's very nice to see you again. What have you been up to all of these years?"

Elena grabbed hold of her drink and gulped it down in one go. She was very thirsty all of a sudden.

"Well, not much. I quit the cleaning service, graduated and studied some more. I work at Mystic Falls General Hospital now as a rehabilitation specialist."

Wow, did that really come out in one breath? Good for you, Elena!

Damon seemed impressed and gave her a half smile. Yep, that killed her. She was dead. Killed by a smile.

"Wow, that's cool. So you still live here? Married? Children?"

Okay, was he fishing? Or was he just being kind in asking her how her life had turned out? She never knew with this man.

"I was married. Now I'm divorced with no kids."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," Damon said.

Was he really sorry? Because she sure as hell wouldn't be sorry if he had gotten a divorce!

Come on, Elena. Ask him! You've got your chance now. A do over.

"So…," Elena started. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and her hands were shaking. "What happened to you over the past few years?"

Damon took a sip of his bourbon. "I actually left Mystic Falls and started my own company with my brother Stefan. A publishing company."

"Really?" Elena asked with genuine excitement. So he was trying to work his way up by working as a gopher back then.

"Yeah, we're situated in Richmond."

So Caroline had been right. He and Stefan had indeed moved to Richmond. But was he still married? Okay, how was she going to keep it cool with the next question?

"That's great! Your family must be very proud of you," she tried.

Damon smiled at her. Oh God, could he stop with all the smiling?!

"They are," he vaguely answered.

Okay, so that was not the approach. She needed to flat out ask him if he was still married. He had asked her, so there was no harm in that. Of course, that's when the sound of the band turned up a notch. She would have to lean closer so he could hear.

"So are you married with children?" she asked him in a quivering voice.

"What?!"

Oh come on!

"Are you married?!"

Damon shook his head. "Divorced, like you!"

Elena wanted to jump off of her barstool right then and there and do a happy dance. The woman that had been the cause of her evasiveness all those years ago was no longer in the picture.

"Listen, I've got a hard time hearing you with the band! Do you want to get on the dancefloor?!" Damon asked her in a loud voice.

"Yes!"

Elena followed him towards where the stage was and quickly lost herself in the music. They danced for what seemed like hours, until the band announced that it was time to go.

"What transportation do you have?" Damon asked as they left the Mystic Bar & Grill later that night.

Elena smiled. "I called a cab."

"Oh." Damon stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"And you?"

"I'm staying over at Hotel Mystic. So I'm walking. But I'll stay until your cab gets here. I'm not leaving any woman alone walking the streets at night. Even if it is good ole Mystic Falls," Damon winked at her.

Elena blushed a bit.

"You don't have to do that. I'm a big girl."

"Oh, I can see that. But still… It's a gentleman's thing to do."

"All right, then," Elena shrugged.

They began to walk around the town square side by side.

"I remember this place so well, even if it has been like 18 years since I've lived here."

"Nothing ever changes here. That's why you recognize every stone ever laid down."

Damon chuckled. "I know. That's Mystic Falls for you."

"I can't even imagine why you ever wanted to move," Elena said with a grin.

"Yeah, I'm beginning to wonder myself now."

He smiled back at her and they continued on in silence. It was amazing how she could still feel that flutter with him, even after all of this time. Was it the illusion… the myth of never getting over your first love? She had a chance to find out, if she had the guts to speak up.

Unfortunately, her cab came all too soon.

"Well, that's me," she mumbled.

Damon nodded.

"I guess so."

"I had a good time tonight."

"Yeah, it was good to catch up with you again. You've turned out all right, Gilbert."

They shared a smile, before Damon opened the cab door for her.

Okay, if she was ever going to say anything, this was it. She couldn't wait until the taxi drove out of sight.

He leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek.

"I liked you, you know," she blurted out as soon as he withdrew from her.

Damon looked confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Back when we worked at Falls Publishing together. I was so in love with you that I couldn't see straight. It has stayed with me for all of these years that I never said a word. You were taken and it was so incredibly hard for me to see you almost every day, feeling what I felt. I'm glad I had the chance to catch up with you to see how you are doing now. And I'm glad that I was finally able to get this off of my chest."

Elena took a deep, liberating breath.

"Well, I guess that's it then. Good to see you again."

She gave him one last smile, before getting into the taxi. Damon stood there.. baffled.. wordless. As the car began to drive away, Elena took one more glance at him through the rear window. He followed the car with his eyes until they turned a corner….