Loved

Arthur was lost deep in his thoughts when an urgent knocking brought him back to reality. He glanced questioningly at his wife, but Gwen seemed just as surprised as he was.

"Enter," he said firmly, glad that he managed to get a grip on himself. None of his people should see him in his worst state. He was their leader and they depended on him. He should never give them a reason to doubt it.

The door was opened and Sir Leon entered the chambers. He was clearly moved by something, as his eyes seemed larger and wider than usual.

"Sire," the knight greeted him, not even addressing Gwen properly. It was so not like Leon. He was always kind and proper but this time he seemed too preoccupied to even think about good manners and appropriateness.

"What's wrong, Leon?" Arthur asked him worryingly. He was so focused on his own pain that he started neglecting his kingly duties. That wasn't something that he was proud of.

"Nothing's wrong, Sire," Leon assured him quickly. "Quite the contrary, actually."

Arthur frowned at these words. Leon's behaviour just didn't make any sense to him. He even started worrying that he was too deep in his own grief for his mind to work properly.

Fortunately, Leon didn't plan to keep him waiting much longer.

"Merlin's awake," he finally said, looking at Arthur intensely. "I came to check on him this evening, as I usually do these days, and I found him fully conscious."

The moment he heard about Merlin being awake, Arthur dropped the chalice he was holding. As a result, the floor was stained with wine, but it didn't matter. Merlin was the only thing that mattered in Arthur's world at the moment.

"What?" he asked in disbelief. His heart was beating hard in his chest. "How? When?"

"Calm down, Sire," Leon told him with concern. "Merlin is still weak and he's not able to move on his own, but when he saw me, he whispered your name a few times. That was actually the only thing that he managed to say."

"I am calm," said Arthur but the tone of his voice was far from quiet.

Leon and Gwen shared a short, knowing look. Arthur clearly needed their help.

"Take a seat," Guinevere said to him gently.

"No!" He looked at her as if she suggested the worst thing in the world. "I need to see him."

"You will," Gwen assured him. "But we don't want Merlin to see you in this state, do we? You need to calm down, if not for your own sake, then for Merlin's."

Deep down Arthur knew that she was right but he couldn't help feeling like this. Dozens of questions were running through his head. However, he couldn't find an answer to any of them.

When Arthur finally agreed to sit on the edge of their bed, Gwen gave Leon a sign to leave them alone. The knight nodded , understanding her right away.

Once the door was closed behind him, Guinevere moved to take a seat by her husband's side, and then she took his hands into her own.

"Someone woke him up, Guinevere," Arthur murmured, trembling. He sounded both happy and miserable at the same time.

"We both know that you're the one who did that," she said quietly, squeezing his hands reassuringly.

Arthur shook his head violently. "It wasn't me. I told you what happened."

"Perhaps you didn't wait long enough," Gwen suggested. "I know how impatient you can be. How your pride must have suffered when..."

"Stop it, Guinevere."

"Arthur," she said firmly. The tone of her voice made him look into her eyes. They were a bit tired but decidedly persistent.

At this moment he fully understood why he had chosen her to be his queen.

"I know for certain that Merlin loves you," she told him in a quiet but decisive voice. "You were always blind to it, but the way he looks at you sometimes is far from subtle. Everybody seems to notice that. Everybody but you."

"Guinevere, it doesn't necessarily mean that..."

"But it does!"

He had never seen her like this. It almost seemed as if she wanted it to be true.

"You are my wife, Guinevere," he reminded her in a firm voice. "I am the king. I can't allow myself to notice these things. Even if it's true... Even if I am Merlin's true love, nothing can ever happen between us. I am happy that he's awake but we can only continue as we always have... as friends at best."

"Arthur." This time she sounded neither angry nor sad. "You should go to his chambers and tell him."

"Tell him what exactly?" he wasn't sure if he understood correctly what his wife meant.

"Tell him how you truly feel," Gwen simply said. "You should be there for him."

"What's the point of that?" he asked, feeling utterly broken and confused.

"You're not listening to me, Arthur," she said in a patient tone. "I understand how you feel right now. You need to go to him and tell him." She didn't lower her gaze even for a second. "You still have a chance to do it. I am not that lucky."

Then it hit him. Arthur gasped and his eyes went wide. He couldn't believe that she truly meant it all.

"Guinevere..."

She gave him a short smile but there was something saddening about it. "I don't want you to regret anything, Arthur. Now please, go to him."

Arthur rose to his feet, still not being sure if it all was happening for real. He glanced at his wife one more time and when she nodded reassuringly at him, he moved towards the door, and then left his chambers in undeniable shock.

"Are you all right, Sire?" the guard who was standing outside his rooms asked him.

The king only managed to nod in response and then he moved forward. The closer he was getting to Merlin's chamber, the quicker his pace was becoming. He practically ran through the last corridor leading to Merlin's room, but when he finally reached the door, he stopped right in front of it.

He knew what he wanted but he couldn't help feeling anxious. It was certain that once he crossed this door, nothing was going to be the same ever again.

Then he thought about weak and vulnerable Merlin who was waiting there for him. Merlin who put an effort into saying his name when he saw the first person after his awakening.

Suddenly, Arthur felt that he needed to be brave for both of them. With this realisation, he took a deep breath and pushed the door open, not even bothering to knock. After all, Merlin was waiting for him right this moment, just as he had been waiting for him to wake up this last couple of weeks.

There was only one candle lit in the room but it provided enough light for Arthur to see Merlin's tired but hopeful eyes. His friend's lips started trembling a bit and it was clear that he wanted to say something but he was too shaken to utter a word.

Arthur was by his side in mere seconds, breathing heavily and trembling himself. He sat on the edge of Merlin's bed, ignoring the chair completely, because he wanted to be as close to him as possible.

"You're back," whispered Arthur, touching his hand hesitantly. "I can't believe it..." Then he took Merlin's hand into his own, wanting to feel his warm flesh under his fingers. "It's a miracle."

"Not a miracle," Merlin finally managed to say. "It's you."

Arthur gasped, hearing this confirmation. Deep down he hoped it was him but the prospect just seemed so unreal.

"Are you sure?" the king asked, wanting to get rid of any doubts.

Merlin nodded lightly. "I could hear you all this time," he said. "Only you, Arthur. No one else."

Then he moved his hand towards Arthur, trying to pull his king closer, but he was still weak and hissed in pain as a result.

"I've got you," said Arthur, pulling him up slightly.

Suddenly, their faces were so close and their eyes met. It wouldn't take much for them to lean in and kiss.

Then Merlin lowered his gaze. "You're married," he whispered. His voice was full of regrets.

Arthur touched Merlin's cheek and made him look into his eyes again. "Don't worry about this," he said.

"But Gwen..."

"She understands," Arthur told him. "She practically gave us her blessing."

Merlin gasped at his words. "She's your wife and queen, Arthur," he said. "That wouldn't be fair..."

"She understands," he repeated firmly, looking at him intently. "I made a mistake years ago and so did she. Guinevere chose me over Lancelot and I chose her over you. It was the right decision for the kingdom, but not for any of us," he explained, caressing his cheek tenderly.

"Lancelot's gone," Merlin pointed out with sadness clear in his voice. "Gwen can't follow her heart now."

"I know that and it's not fair, but she knows how it feels to be separated from a loved one. That's why she allows me to follow my heart." He took a deep breath. "It won't be easy, Merlin, and it can never be official in any way, but are you willing to give it a try?" He looked at him expectantly. "Are you willing to give us a chance?"

Merlin's head was spinning from all the thoughts and doubts that crossed his mind this day. He had a lot of time to think while he was lying alone in the room that was getting darker and darker, waiting for someone to find him. He knew what he wanted most in the world but it also occurred to him that it wasn't right to want it.

Nonetheless, the answer to Arthur's questions was easy. He could never say no to Arthur. Not to an offer like that.

"Always," he whispered.

Arthur wasn't going to wait any longer. He pressed his lips to Merlin's, fully experiencing their kiss for the first time. It wasn't a perfect kiss because they were still learning each other, but they didn't care.

It was just the beginning.