Chapter 6: you walked in and my heart went "boom!"

They reached a quaint little village and heard of a lady from a rich family was trying to make her marriage match by a throw of the dice.

Or embroidered ball, in this case.

Of course, Xiao Hu was intrigued, but in this case so was Laoye, so they all made their way to where the ceremony would take place.

"You know, Er Kang aside, maybe you or I should take a swipe at it," Xiao Hu said, playfully nudging Er Tai, who gave him a baleful glare.

"Shaoye, please try and have some self-respect," Er Tai hissed, hoping it was low enough that Laoye did not hear.

He knew Xiao Hu was probably not serious, but He Qi clearly thought he was, because her face turned white then red in rapid succession.

"Are you sure Er Kang cannot partake, Xiao Hu?" Laoye asked. "And why is that?"

Xiao Hu gave what was a not very sneaky look in He Qi and Zi Wei's direction. "Because he – "

He was cut off, yelping in pain, because Er Kang had deliberately stomped down, hard, on his foot. Laoye laughed, clearly thinking that Xiao Hu was looking at He Qi instead of Zi Wei. She couldn't decide if that was better or worse than if her father had realised the truth.

When the lady came out, Xiao Hu whispered to Er Tai. "I say, Er Tai, are you sure you don't want to have a go? She really is so very pretty."

Thankfully, the crowd around them were making so much noise that Laoye did not hear him.

"No, I do not!" Er Tai barked. "And you would do well to stay away from that embroidered ball as well!"

Of course, anyone who had ever tried to tell Xiao Hu what he should do would do well to know it only ever tempted him into doing that very thing. Even then, Er Tai thought wryly that he should at least feel relieved when Xiao Hu only tried to bat the embroidered ball towards Er Tai rather than try and catch it for himself; Er Tai only had to easily push it away.

"Xiao Hu, what on earth are you trying do?" Laoye finally shouted when the volleys went on for much longer than was amusing. His shout distracted Xiao Hu enough that the embroidered ball fell on a poor beggar who just happened to be standing there.

To Xiao Hu's credit, he was nothing but happy for the young beggar and helped pull him to his feet. "What's your name?" he asked.

"My name is Qi Zhi Gao."

"Qi Zhi Gao! The groom's name is Qi Zhi Gao!" he shouted.

When Du Laoye reached the scene, he faced drained of blood at the sight of the beggar who was still holding the embroidered ball, not knowing what else to do with it.

Du Laoye turned to Xiao Hu, who looked the part of a well-dressed young master of an undoubtedly rich family, and said hesitantly, "Gongzi, are you sure this man – I saw you trying to catch the ball – Are you sure you did not – "

Xiao Hu only laughed. "I certainly did not! It was this Qi Zhi Gao that caught the ball!"

Du Laoye looked even more reluctant than ever to accept this bridegroom for his daughter, and in the end, it took Ai Laoye's interference before Du Laoye would allow the intended wedding to take place.

In the end, though their entire company hoped that Qi Zhi Gao was now in a better place, no one but Xiao Hu was completely happy with how the afternoon turned out. Ai Laoye was reminded that, just as He Qi was old enough to be married, so was Xiao Hu, and to a proper wife, not a palace maid like Zi Wei. He really did not look forward to trying to unravel the politics of that. Er Kang and Zi Wei were worried about Xiao Hu's indiscretion earlier and hoped desperately that it did not cause even more complicated misunderstandings in Laoye. Er Tai was annoyed at Xiao Hu, period. For everything.

And He Qi – she spent the entire journey back to the inn where they were staying stony-faced and completely silent, ignoring Xiao Hu's chattering beside her, her mind and heart in total disarray.

*/*

The incident might have passed without much more comment from any of them, if it wasn't for what happened after they arrived back at the inn. There was a moment when everyone else in their party had retired and only Xiao Hu, Er Kang, Er Tai, Zi Wei and He Qi remained in the courtyard. Xiao Hu, whose head was apparently still buzzing with the excitement of the day, remarked casually, "Xiaojie, perhaps you might want to learn from Du Xiaojie one of these days."

He Qi glared at him; if looks could kill, Xiao Hu had nothing to fear from painful beheadings after all. Behind them, the Fu brothers exchanged looks of exasperation. Zi Wei fidgeted uncomfortably, torn between wanting to do something or say something to stop Xiao Hu from continuing to dig himself into a deeper hole, and not wishing to bring attention to things that may make the conversation even more uncomfortable.

Xiao Hu apparently only thought He Qi's murderous look was funny, because he laughed and nudged her arm. "Come on, you'll never know what man might come your way."

"Do you think I would resort to such a desperate method?" He Qi asked through gritted teeth.

"That Du Xiaojie is so pretty, she can't have been desperate," Xiao Hu said nonchalantly, shrugging. "If you were to find a husband like this, Laoye might actually stop talking about you marrying Er Kang."

By now, He Qi's face had turned about as red as the dress that Du Xiaojie was wearing earlier that day. She stared at Xiao Hu and opened her mouth, preparing to say something, but at the last minute, with tears springing into her eyes, she turned around and stalked off with as much dignity as she had left to gather around herself like a security blanket.

Zi Wei gave Xiao Hu a single, chagrined look before rushing after her sister, leaving Xiao Hu to wonder to the Fu brothers, "What on earth is wrong with the both of them?"

Er Tai thought he probably deserved a medal for resisting the temptation to kick Xiao Hu where it hurt.

*/*

He Qi could not avoid being in the same room with Xiao Hu for the rest of the day, but she made sure not to look his way all through dinner. After the meal, she made excuses and retired early to bed. Now, Zi Wei stood against the closed door of the room they shared and wondered what she could say in comfort.

After a long moment, in which He Qi did not look like she noticed her presence at all, Zi Wei sighed and went over to sit down next to her sister on the bed.

"Xiao Hu might have joked about it, but I don't think he has ever truly thought about these kinds of feelings between men and women for himself," she said gently. "He couldn't have any designs on that Du Xiaojie, he was just caught up in the excitement of it all."

He Qi impatiently brushed away the tears on her cheeks. "You must think I am so foolish," she said.

"No," Zi Wei said, her voice soft with sympathy, "not at all."

He Qi lifted her head. Her eyes were still shining. "I don't even know why I'm feeling like this," she said, half-laughing bitterly at herself. "It's so stupid."

Zi Wei only smiled softly. Given how complicated their situation was, perhaps she should be taking this moment to discourage He Qi's feelings. But she couldn't bring herself to do it, not when her sister was already turning into this wreckage of feelings. Anything reason Zi Wei could think of to point out how such feelings were unwise would just pain her and would do nothing in driving them away.

"He wasn't even trying to get the embroidered ball for himself," He Qi continued, thankfully sounding less tearful now, "so why does the fact that he could have, that he clearly thought that Du Xiaojie pretty bother me so much? Heaven, I never thought that I would ever be this petty!"

"Jiejie," Zi Wei said, "I think, in matters of the heart, we can all be more unreasonable and petty than we ever thought we could be. After all, didn't I, for a moment, consider you to be a threat to me?"

That reminder made He Qi laugh through her tears. But as swiftly as the laughter came, it was almost immediately followed by a heavy sigh as He Qi rubbed her eyes and sniffled back the remaining of her tears.

"I just never thought I would ever cry like this over a man, and the fact that that man is Xiao Hu is somehow just infuriating. And our situation is complicated enough without me having these kinds of feelings."

"But you do have these kinds of feelings. You do like Xiao Hu?"

He Qi laughed self-deprecatingly. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed."

"I have," Zi Wei admitted.

He Qi lifted her head to look at Zi Wei tearily. "You don't mind?"

"Why would I mind?"

"We really don't need more complications in our lives," He Qi repeated.

Zi Wei sighed. "I think if these recent months have proved anything to me, it is that complications will always appear when we least want them." She watched He Qi for a moment, before adding, "Jiejie, what are your wishes where Xiao Hu is concerned?"

"My wishes…" He Qi said breathlessly, but with a tinge of hopelessness. "I think my wishes are useless to think about. Huang Ah Ma would never agree to it."

"Then…it is that serious?"

"Did you think it was not?" He Qi asked. "Oh Heaven, I wish it were so."

"I do not mean to imply I do not think your feelings sincere," Zi Wei said. "Both you and Xiao Hu are important to me, and if you could be together, of course I would be happy for you both. But Xiao Hu can still sometimes be so much like a child. I fear that, at least for now, you will not find in him someone you can depend on."

"I know," He Qi admitted. "To tell the truth, before meeting Xiao Hu, I would never have expected to find such immaturity endearing either. With Xiao Hu, though, there is a sincerity to his simplicity. Perhaps I am projecting my own wishes into it but Xiao Hu is the first man I truly believe will always tell me the truth, and not hide things from me whether because I am female or because I am a princess."

Zi Wei looked at He Qi, wondering for a moment whether she could ask the next question, or if it would be too unkind, considering what had happened that day. But then, given how complicated it was all getting, shouldn't they talk about it? In this place where there was little chance anyone was spying on them?

"But what of…Er Tai?"

For a split second, He Qi looked like she would start crying again.

"Er Tai…I am very fond of Er Tai," He Qi said wistfully, but she could not bring herself to finish the thought. "But I truly have never been able to look at him as more than a friend. I know that is not a great thing for you right now."

"For me?" Zi Wei exclaimed, surprised.

"It would have been simpler, you know, if I could bring myself to agree to Er Tai going to Huang Ah Ma and asking to marry me."

"So…that day, after he sent that note, you told him no?"

He Qi nodded.

"Oh."

"Don't be angry at me!" He Qi said pleadingly.

"Why would I be angry at you?" Zi Wei asked, genuinely surprised.

"I should have just – it would have solved the problem for you, freed up Er Kang – I should have just agreed to it."

"Jiejie, I would never have wanted you to commit to a marriage that you did not wholeheartedly want, just for me," Zi Wei said earnestly. "I thought you said you didn't think Huang Shang wanted you to marry Er Kang anyway?"

"Huang Ah Ma wants me to marry either Er Kang or Er Tai. I can tell him I can't marry Er Kang because I want to marry Er Tai, but I can't exactly tell him I can't marry either because the person I wished to marry was someone he would never approve of, the person who right now is supposed to be my brother, can I?"

"So you would need to wait for me and Xiao Hu to switch places instead," Zi Wei said.

"Yes. But even then…" He Qi shook her head helplessly.

"Xiao Hu is a good person. Huang Shang loves you so much, surely he wants you to be happy?" Zi Wei asked. "Xiao Hu would not mistreat you."

He Qi laughed but not feeling much amusement. "Are you not assuming too much?" she asked. "About his own feelings? All he has ever talked about, thought about, these days are the prospect of escaping the palace to the life of freedom he had before. He would never wish to be tied down like this. Especially not for me, not when, as you said, he does not think about these things."

"I'm…not so sure about that," Zi Wei said slowly. Then, perhaps seeing He Qi's doubtful expression, she added, "I'm not saying that to give you false hope. Yes, Xiao Hu's mind does not often turn to matters of romance, and to him, everyone is a brother, everyone is a friend. He has never considered that I am a girl, with the implications that a girl brings. That is why he doesn't understand why we must curb the rumours in the palace about us. It is a good thing to me, because I do not wish to consider him that way either, and it reassures Jin Suo. But with you…I sense there is something different in the way he treats at you. It is not easy to define or so obvious, but there is a difference there."

"What do you mean?" Despite her best effort to keep it otherwise, He Qi's voice was breathless with desperate hope.

"Xiao Hu attaches his own feelings to other people, so he tends to think everyone should think as he does and act as he does. But he listens to your opinion and your judgement more than anyone's. How many times have you stopped him from rushing heads first into some confrontation that would get him killed in the palace now? He usually does not listen to people trying to restrain his reckless behaviour as much as he does listen to you."

"You really think so?" He Qi asked, still not convinced.

"Maybe you can't see it, because you are too in the middle of it. But I can see there is a different thoughtfulness when he considers the things you say."

"That doesn't necessarily mean anything," He Qi said, unable to help giving herself a reality check.

"Perhaps not," Zi Wei admitted, "but I think it is telling that in his mind, you are not like everyone else."

"So you do not think…that I should just forget these feelings and brush them off as hopeless?"

"Can you, even if I did think so?"

He Qi smiled sadly. "Probably not."

"Then I think you should have some hope. Aren't we trying to switch Xiao Hu and me in a way that does not lose either of us Huang Shang's esteem? Huang Shang might not mind as much as you think."

He Qi could not bring herself to be quite as optimistic as Zi Wei, but then considering the current charade of Xiao Hu and her relationship, what was the point of dwelling much on how Huang Ah Ma might think of the idea of marriage between them?

"But you know, even with what happened today, I think Xiao Hu is quite in dark about your feelings," Zi Wei said.

"I hope so."

"So you do not intend to let him know?"

He Qi stared at Zi Wei. "In my place, would you?"

Zi Wei had to admit that she had a point.

*/*

Er Tai burst into Xiao Hu's room unceremoniously.

"What in the world were you playing at?" he demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Xiao Hu asked, completely clueless to Er Tai's meaning, but at least he did not look offended at Er Tai's angry appearance.

"What were you trying to do this afternoon, pushing that embroidered ball around like that?"

Understanding the subject of conversation now, but clearly not understanding the reason for Er Tai's anger, Xiao Hu laughed. "I was trying to do you a favour. That Du Xiaojie is so pretty, she would have made a good match for you."

"Speak for yourself!" Er Tai blurted out, too angry to think straight.

"Well, I can't," Xiao Hu pointed out. "Without this fake title, I'm not that much better off than that Qi Zhi Gao anyway, and he is even less fortunate than I ever was. I'm glad he got the pretty girl."

"You still don't understand the problem, do you?" Er Tai cried, staring at him in disbelief.

"Problem? There's a problem?"

"Yes, of course there's a problem with what you did! Do you know that both my brother's and my marriages have to be decided by the emperor? That our parents can't even have a say?"

This was not exactly what Er Tai came here to talk to Xiao Hu about, so he couldn't understand why he was even bringing the subject up. Xiao Hu undoubtedly would not wish to understand the politics behind Er Tai and his brother's marriages, and it only had the most minimal connection to the subject Er Tai really wanted to get at anyway. Maybe he was only saying these words out of pure frustration over how they had recently all let themselves get too carried away by personal wishes. Maybe he just needed to remind himself again what reality was.

"Why?" Xiao Hu asked, bewildered.

"Because that is the price of Huang Shang's favour!"

"Oh. Okay. So what? It's not like you caught the ball."

"Yes, but you can't just go around matchmaking like that."

Xiao Hu stared, genuinely baffled by Er Tai's continued annoyed voice. "Okay, fine, so I will never try to do you a favour by matchmaking you to a pretty girl again. Why are you so angry?"

"Because you are so infuriatingly blind. Do you really think that Du Xiaojie is pretty?"

"Well, yes. Is this your way of trying to prove that I'm apparently blind as you say? Because I see the fact that Du Xiaojie is pretty just fine."

"That's not what you're supposed to see," Er Tai said through gritted teeth.

"What was I supposed to see then?" Xiao Hu asked, still confused.

"While you were going around merrily praising random girls on the street, you didn't see the look on Wu Ge Ge's face, did you? You didn't even know why she was upset afterwards!"

"Ge Ge? What does Ge Ge have anything to do with any of this?"

"She was upset," Er Tai repeated flatly.

"About what?"

Then, something seemed to dawn on Xiao Hu, because his eyes lighted up and he grinned. Er Tai almost allowed himself to relax, thinking that he no longer had to spell it out. He was wrong.

"Oh…that's why you didn't want me to matchmake you with Du Xiaojie. You and our Xiaojie already – "

"No!" Er Tai said, much more loudly than he intended. "That was not what I meant."

Even as he said this, Er Tai felt like he was shooting himself in the foot. Why was he even doing this? For her? How had it come to this? When had she come to mean this much to him? Why did he allow her to sneak up on him like this?

"Then I still have no idea what you are talking about."

Er Tai took a breath, trying to calm himself. He should have more self-preservation. He should just be selfish, for once, damn it!

Having said this to himself, he still heard himself say aloud, "Ge Ge was upset because you thought Du Xiaojie was pretty."

"Why would she be?"

"Because she felt jealous! Good god, how could you not see that she likes you?" Er Tai burst out. I'm not even sure you deserve it, he thought to himself.

Xiao Hu laughed. Hysterically.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not," Er Tai said with the solemnity appropriate for a funeral. "You are just the only person who does not see it."

His tone made Xiao Hu's laugh fade off. He was staring at Er Tai in disbelief now. "Why?" he finally asked, flabbergasted.

I ask myself that too, Er Tai thought. To Xiao Hu, he said, "Feelings cannot always be explained rationally."

"I'm sure you're wrong," Xiao Hu said stubbornly.

I wish I were, was what Er Tai thought. Aloud, he said nothing but just looked at Xiao Hu, who was no longer smiling or laughing.

"You must be," Xiao Hu said again. "You must."

"Do you think I would tell you if I were not sure?"

"Why are you telling me?" Xiao Hu asked, his voice shaking with mixed emotions. "What am I supposed to do with that information? Anyway, you are wrong."

"I'm telling you so that you can think about what to do with that information. And so that you don't stumble around hurting her again like you did today."

*/*

If Laoye noticed how both Xiao Hu and He Qi were quiet throughout the journey the next day, he did not comment on it. Zi Wei spent the day watching He Qi, worrying for her sister's emotions when she had to see Xiao Hu again after the previous day. She was slightly assured when He Qi appeared to be calm, though, like the previous evening, she took care to avoid looking at or addressing Xiao Hu directly. Er Kang spent the day wondering why his brother was so jumpy. Er Tai wondered whether he had done the right thing, and many times came close to concluding he had made the biggest mistake of his life by telling Xiao Hu about He Qi's feelings.

She would murder him once she found out.

Xiao Hu, for his part, spent the day jumping between emotional states of complete disbelief and complete confusion.

In the afternoon, when they had stopped for the day, he went for a long walk.

He Qi, also needing some exercise to burn off some of her pent-up emotions that day, dragged Zi Wei on one as well. She attempted to put her emotions into words, but in the end, she was only thankful that Zi Wei suffered through her false starts that led to nowhere and offered her the comfort of her company.

The three of them ended up at the side of a rather picturesque stream.

"What are you doing out here?" Zi Wei asked Xiao Hu.

"I wanted to take a walk," he replied, turning to look at them.

Or, more specifically, at He Qi. She did not look like she noticed, but the fact that she was staring determinedly out in front of her betrayed otherwise.

Zi Wei wondered if there was any believable way she could just sneak away…

"So Er Tai said the wildest thing yesterday!" Xiao Hu said, his voice too unnaturally cheerful to be true.

"What did he say?" Zi Wei asked, curious.

"He said…" Xiao Hu paused and stared at a bit longer at He Qi. "He said that, Ge Ge, you like me."

The shocking statement made He Qi's eyes widen and her head snap towards Xiao Hu. Upon meeting his eyes, which were full of wonderment, her face whitened and she turned abruptly away.

"Erm…" Zi Wei started, finding herself suddenly and very awkwardly the third wheel now. "I'm going to just…go."

She paused for a moment to see if He Qi would pull her back or protest, because she would stay if He Qi found the situation too mortifying to bear alone. But her sister did nothing but clench her hands in front of her and stare out at the trickling stream, looking like she wanted to drown herself in it.

But still, she did not ask Zi Wei to stay, so in the end, after squeezing He Qi's hand reassuringly, Zi Wei left.

Left together, the silence between Xiao Hu and He Qi stretched on. Neither seemed to know what to say and for a long moment after Zi Wei had disappeared, the only sound between them was of the stream in front of them and of the birds overhead.

"Is it true?" Xiao Hu finally asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

In that moment, He Qi realised that, before this, she had heard him scared for his life, worried about Zi Wei, furious at Huang Hou, indignant at Huang Ah Ma, and so many other emotions in between, but she had never quite heard him to be so vulnerable. Like he was afraid of her answer. What did he have to be afraid of?

"I'm going to kill Er Tai," she muttered, before she could help herself.

It took several moments longer before she could finally turn and look up at Xiao Hu. He was looking at her also, the expression of wonder on his face matched that in his voice earlier. She had never quite felt so short of breath before.

"Do you have to make me say it?" she asked.

"Yes," was his immediate answer.

"Yes," she answered after another pause, her voice croaky. She took a shaky breath to try and calm herself. It didn't quite work, but she repeated anyway, "Yes."

Xiao Hu was still staring at her, but she thought there was something different in his eyes now. He was focusing only on her, as if she were the only thing in the world. He took a step closer to her, and her heart seemed to leap to her throat, blocking it, and she couldn't breathe again.

"Yes what?" he whispered. She had never heard his voice this soft, and…dared she say it…tender?

"I – " He Qi started, but the look in his eyes seemed to have messed with her head and she couldn't think straight. So she leaned in and kissed him.

The kiss was as light as a feather and lasted barely a second. She was not much more courageous than that yet.

As she pulled away, he moved with her, as if not wishing it to end. His eyes fluttered open and for a moment, they simply gazed at each other through a haze.

"Why?" he whispered.

"Why?" she repeated, feeling as faint as he sounded.

"Why me?" When she did not immediately answer, he added, "You are so clever, and kind, and generous, and good at so many things, and beautiful, why would like someone like me?"

"You think I'm beautiful?" she asked, unable to help herself.

For a second, he looked self-conscious. "And clever, and kind, and generous, and good at so many things!"

She laughed. He did not join in, and still stared at her in wonderment.

He Qi thought for a moment, because she had never truly put all the reasons into words, herself. Finally, she said, "Life seems…simpler around you sometimes." For a moment, she thought about that statement and couldn't help but laugh. "Of course, now that I say it, it sounds ridiculous because the only thing my feelings have done is make this mix-up of identities a thousand times more complicated. But I don't know…when I think…possibly…of a future…with you, it looks so much simpler and peaceful than anything I could have expected before."

Now that she had stated this, He Qi found she had to force herself to keep looking at him, not because she was embarrassed she had confessed this much to him, or regretted it, but because she couldn't be sure how he would react. She told herself that she was ready for anything. After all, she was sure before whatever Er Tai said to him, he had never thought about the two of them – together – in the future tense ever. While other men might jump for joy at the idea, she had a sneaky, sinking feeling that he might be one of the few who would not. And yet, that might be the very reason she was saying this much to him at all.

"But I – " Xiao Hu still look dazed. "I can offer you nothing. You…you are a princess, the emperor's daughter, you could pick anyone you want. Why would you want me?"

The disbelief was clear in his voice, perhaps with a hint of intimidation. Perhaps it was because he didn't immediate react with horror, but she couldn't help but smile a bit at how he was comparing himself to all the other choices that she – or more likely, her father – could have chosen.

"I have my pick of young lords and I have never felt like this before," she said. "But I think that's because to them, I am a prize to be won. If they ever speak to me or try to please me, it's because there's something in it for them. You look at me and you see a person. You talk to me because you truly want to hear what I say and ask my opinion because you want to know what I think. You make me laugh without meaning to."

"But – but other people can do that too," Xiao Hu said, still stammering.

He Qi laughed curtly. "Not really. I mean, Er Kang and Er Tai do genuinely like me and respect me as a person but that's because by some strange circumstance, I've grown up with the two of them being almost like my brothers. But even then, to them, I am still a princess, and sometimes they still give way to me, whether they realise they do it or not. You've never held back anything with me and everything you say to me, you mean it, even when maybe it's not such a good idea to say so much. I don't know…I just feel that in the future, if you say nice things or are good to me, it's because you mean it and I don't have to second guess if there is anything behind that."

"That doesn't change the fact that when I return this fake title to Zi Wei, I will have nothing," Xiao Hu said, still sounding quite breathless. "You deserve better than that."

"Why? Because I'm a princess?" she asked, a little challengingly.

"No! Because I don't even have a family name, or know where I come from or who my parents were! I don't know the first thing about what it's like to have a family or taking care of one. I would make a terrible husband!"

He Qi couldn't help but laugh. The fact that he clearly was thinking of marriage and family – with her, perhaps – was warming her heart. It at least proved that any reservation he had now was due to his own insecurities and not because the idea of her was insanity to him.

"Honestly, I don't think I know the first thing about family either. Not in the normal sense. The imperial family is far from normal. There is too much divide of rank there, and everything everyone say to each other is always in layers of meaning. That is why I am so drawn to you. I think I could trust you to always be honest with me, and not coddle me."

Xiao Hu was still staring at her, clearly unable to think of a reply. He Qi dared to step closer to him and reached out to take his hand. His eyes followed her action but he did not pull away. That gave her a little more strength.

"Xiao Hu," she said gently, "you say that I am clever and kind and generous. But you are all those things too."

"How could you mean that? I would never have survived the school room without you. You don't know about all the bad things that I did before the palace, how many people I tricked or stole from," Xiao Hu said.

"I know, Zi Wei told me," He Qi replied with a smile. "She told me how you tricked and steal from rich people because there are old people and children who depend on you to help them survive. She also told me about how you put yourself in danger to save a young girl from an unwanted marriage, how you opened your home and shared what little you had with Zi Wei and Jin Suo because you wanted to help them. In fact, you nearly died from my arrow trying to help Zi Wei, didn't you?"

"And I stole her father in the process."

"Did you mean to?" He Qi asked, already knowing the answer.

"No. I mean, yes. Maybe. I know that I should have told Huang Ah Ma about Zi Wei, but I thought I could borrow her father for a few days, just because he was so nice to me. I always thought I would return him to her."

"And you will. Zi Wei doesn't blame you for it anymore, does she? Now that she knows the full story."

"No, but Zi Wei is always kinder than anyone deserves."

He Qi smiled and nodded. "That is true. But growing up in the palace also means that I understand things are never black and white. Your motives in borrowing Zi Wei's father was never malicious. You made a mistake because you were hungry for the affections you never had. Zi Wei has forgiven you for it, and I think Huang Ah Ma can too, when he knows the truth. Xiao Hu, I hope ultimately we aren't defined by our mistakes, but by what is truly in our heart. And your heart's instinct is to be generous and loyal to everyone who is kind to you. I see it in the way you treat your servants and how you protect Zi Wei. I think I can trust you to be good to me, which is really more than I can expect of anyone else."

"I – " Xiao Hu started, but whatever he was going to say was lost as he struggled to put them into words.

He Qi only gave him a small, sympathetic smile. "I know this isn't something you've thought of. It is new to me too," she said. "I do not expect you to make up your mind now. I don't think I ever intended to say this much to you. But now that I have, will you…at least…think about it?"

"Huang Ah Ma would never – " he blurted out.

"With a little persuasion, Huang Ah Ma will learn to accept it, I think." She hoped.

"He wants you to marry Er Kang!"

"I obviously can't marry Er Kang," He Qi said, choosing not to draw attention to the alternative. If Xiao Hu did not bring it up, she did not wish to add more reason he could overthink the situation. "Huang Ah Ma will understand once we have told the truth."

"Surely you deserve someone who can provide for you."

He Qi laughed and shook her head. "Huang Ah Ma has always been generous to me. I think he knows me well enough that he cannot threaten to cut me off to dissuade me from something, so in terms of fortune, I will be rich enough for the both of us, I think."

Xiao Hu seemed to have run out of protests because now he was just looking at her, but He Qi fancied she could see something different, a new possibility, in his eyes. It made her smile and she squeezed his hand.

"It's not going to be simple," she said. "I know there will always be struggles ahead of us. But for me that struggle will be worth it. I just hope you feel the same."

Then, half because she was afraid baring her soul this much would frighten him into rejecting her right there, half because having said this much, she was now overcome with a shyness she had not felt before, He Qi dropped his hands which she had been holding on to all this time, and turned away. This time, to her surprise and immense pleasure, sending a pink blush to her cheeks, he reached out and held her back by the wrist.

"Wait."

She turned around and lifted her eyes to look at him.

"Why…it was Er Tai who told me about…how you feel. Did you ask him to – "

"No," she said. "I'm…If he hadn't done that, maybe I would have waited until yours and Zi Wei's situation was more resolved if I said anything at all. But…now that Er Tai has told you…then you must know that I do mean everything I have said today."

"But you…you didn't want Er Tai to tell me?" Xiao Hu pressed. "You said you'd kill him."

He Qi wanted to both laugh and cry at the same time. That was not meant to be heard by Xiao Hu, even if such a statement was clearly the results of his influence on her language.

"I didn't really mean it. Now that we have had this conversation, I do not mind that he told you."

"Why didn't you tell me yourself?" he asked.

She was momentarily thrown by the question, and all reasons that had silenced her before this day came up, overwhelming her. After a while, she managed, "I think…if I had felt less, I could have said more to you about it. But…I wanted…I have never dared to think about someone as much, with such feelings, as I do about you. I just…I didn't want to make things more complicated and confusing for you before we resolved the identity mix-up. But you must know, your title now might be fake, but my feelings are very real. You must not doubt that."

This time, Xiao Hu was the one looking truly overwhelmed, but after a moment of hesitation, he smiled and impulsive reached out and took her hand, kissing it. She smiled shyly back.

"We should probably head back," Xiao Hu said, looking up at the sky, which was beginning rapidly approaching dusk. "Everyone will wonder where we are."

He was still holding onto her hand and started to walk in the direction of the inn where they were staying. He Qi found that her smile was refusing to leave her face as she laced her fingers between his and followed him home.

*/*

In the days that followed, Er Tai could only see too clearly that He Qi was now out of his reach forever. It wasn't until he witnessed the change in the way Xiao Hu now looked at her – with a light and a softness that was not there before – that he realised a part of him did dare to wish that, perhaps, Xiao Hu would not return He Qi's feelings. That he clearly did – and it was a miracle that Laoye did not notice anything; Xiao Hu was anything but subtle – should be a good thing, and Er Tai should feel glad for his friend.

And he did, really. After a fashion. But still, he could not help the pang of disappointment that hit him when he least expected it, usually when he caught He Qi smiling at Xiao Hu out of the corner of his eyes.

*/*

In one of their stops, they encountered a temple festival, and their groups soon got separated into different groups in the crowd. The fight that ensued started so suddenly that, later, He Qi would not even remember how it began. She only remembered that a sword seemed to be flying in the air towards her, and someone crashed into her, pushing her so that she hit the ground painfully.

Next to her, Xiao Hu was scrambling to her side, his face white with fear. "Are you all right? He Qi, look at me! Please tell me you are all right!"

He was grasping both her shoulders, oblivious to the deep cut on his arm and the fact that he was bleeding. She realised that he must have rushed between her and the sword, and if it wasn't for Er Kang and Er Tai flying in to fend off the assassin, he might have died trying to save her.

"You're hurt," she said, her voice trembling. Then, because he was still looking at her with panic, ignoring his own wound, she forced herself to say, "I'm fine. Really. Let me see that wound, please."

Somehow in the chaos, He Qi managed to tie her handkerchief around his arm, hoping that it would be enough to stem the bleeding.

Somewhere nearby, Fu Lun and Fu Heng were shouting something that included "Huang Shang" and "wounded", which made He Qi's heart leap into her mouth. When they finally reunited with her father, however, they saw him on the ground, holding onto a Zi Wei who was struggling for breath with a knife sticking out of her chest.

"Zi Wei!" both He Qi and Xiao Hu cried, crashing to her side.

He Qi didn't know how long it took for the magistrate of the town to appear with soldiers who finally quelled the chaos. The wait felt interminable. When they finally reached the magistrate's home, Zi Wei managed to extract from the emperor a promise to spare Xiao Hu's life before she would allow Hu Taiyi to remove the knife from her chest.

It was hours later before Huang Shang could be persuaded to leave Zi Wei's side. He Qi and Xiao Hu, who had both refused to leave her when the emperor was still there – though Xiao Hu did allow Hu Taiyi to bandage his wound – finally decided to follow him when Er Kang appeared, silenced by worry but his eyes pleading them for some time alone with Zi Wei.

They paused in the courtyard outside Zi Wei's room and He Qi checked to see no one was about before pulling Xiao Hu into a secluded corner.

"Are you all right?" she asked, placing a hand on his arm, which was now in a sling.

"I'm fine," he said dismissively. "You mustn't worry. I've had worst injuries than this, remember?"

She smiled weakly and ran her thumb against the back of his hand. "Why did you do it?" she asked, unable to stop a sob from breaking from her lips.

"Do what?"

"Rush in like that!" she cried. "You could have died!"

He was looking at her, his eyes seeming impossibly bright in the dark. He raised his uninjured hand and gently brushed away the tears on her cheeks. "I wasn't…really thinking," he admitted. "I just saw that sword coming at you and I…the only thought I remember was that I couldn't let it get to you. I wouldn't be able to bear it."

She looked at him through her tears, not sure if she should feel happy because he had confessed such feelings or be angry at him for risking his life. Even if it was for her.

"Don't cry, please, Qi Er," he said. "I'm okay, really."

She smiled at the nickname and tried to brush away her tears. Then, she carefully slid her arms around him, avoiding his injured arm, and rested her cheek against his chest.

"As long as Zi Wei is okay, everything will be all right now, wouldn't it?" she asked. "Huang Ah Ma promised. He won't be able to behead you even when he does find out the truth."

"I can't believe that Zi Wei managed to get him to promise that!" Xiao Hu said. "I would rather she didn't have to get wounded for it though."

"She will be all right," He Qi said. "I think that Heaven really is going to be kind to us this time."

*/*

Perhaps Heaven was starting to be kind to them, because Zi Wei did recover. Soon, Qian Long received a report that he was needed back in Beijing to receive a diplomatic delegation.

Back in Beijing, He Qi was beginning to miss the days when she could see Xiao Hu from dawn to dusk. Er Tai and Er Kang too, when it came to it. These days, it seemed as if the three of them were occupied every minute of the day trying to entertain a Princess Sai Ya who had come with the diplomatic delegation.

She should have seen it coming, but she still managed to be taken horribly off-guard when Ling Fei arrived at Jing Yang Gong one day with news.

"Huang Shang has ordered some new festive clothes for Jing Yang Gong, I thought I would bring them to you and we could have a chance to talk."

"Festive clothes?" He Qi asked. "What for?"

"Have you not heard? Huang Shang is looking at Xiao Hu as a possible match for Princess Sai Ya."

He Qi hands shook and the hot tea in the cup she was holding sloshed over her hand. She cried out in pain and dropped it.

"He Qi!" Ling Fei cried. "Are you all right?"

"I – " He Qi could only stammered while Gui Hua and Xiao Shun rushed to get medicine and Zi Wei and Jin Suo inspected her hand. "I'm all right."

Ling Fei was looking at her with an odd look in her eyes, but He Qi pointedly ignored it as she also brushed away the maids' concern. The pain was not serious enough for such fuss.

"Niang Niang…about Princess Sai Ya, are you sure?" she asked hesitantly.

"Of course. Xiao Hu is of the right age for the princess, and considering all things, it is a good match for him."

Ling Fei said this so cheerfully, but He Qi felt her heart freeze with dread. Of course, it was so obvious. Why didn't she realise it before, if for nothing more than to prepare herself?

He Qi mentally shook herself and forced herself to attend to Ling Fei's next words.

"Of course, Huang Shang isn't considering marriage dates for just Xiao Hu. Have you spoken to your father?"

"About what?" He Qi asked, sounding disingenuous even to her own ears.

Ling Fei tutted at her forced obtuseness. "Dearest, there is no need to let your modesty to force you into marrying Er Kang if you had another prospect in mind instead."

Except that Huang Ah Ma was considering to marry that very prospect to a foreign princess instead, He Qi thought. To Ling Fei, she could say nothing.

"Do you wish for me to talk to Huang Shang about it?" Ling Fei asked.

"No!" she exclaimed, louder than she should. With less volume and trying to sooth Ling Fei's raised eyebrows more than anything, she added, "I will speak to Huang Ah Ma, Niang Niang. Thank you."

Ling Fei looked like she suspected there was more to He Qi's jumpiness, but thankfully she did not say anything. Instead, she turned the conversation to a subject even less desirable by looking to Zi Wei.

"Zi Wei, how are you adjusting to the palace? If you need anything, I hope you would not hesitate to let me know."

Even just Ling Fei's tone was sending chills through He Qi. She knew that tone. She knew Ling Fei was not saying these words to Zi Wei as He Qi's maid. She really wished Huang Ah Ma's mind would stop jumping to so much conclusion where Zi Wei was concerned. Obviously, he would never get it right. Zi Wei did not seem to realise what was going yet, but if Ling Fei was here to gauge her feelings, Zi Wei would understand soon enough.

This was definitely not part of the plan.

"Niang Niang, you are too kind," Zi Wei said. "Ge Ge is very kind to me and I assure you, I lack for nothing."

"Well, Ge Ge cannot always take care of you. When the day comes, I hope you will always look on me as an older sister."

In her seat, He Qi closed her eyes, feeling like she was dying a slow, painful death. She didn't want to look at Zi Wei, because she was sure she would only fuel the panic her sister must be feeling.

"Niang Niang, I'm not sure I understand…" Zi Wei stammered.

Of course, Ling Fei chose to take that as Zi Wei being coy. Thankfully, she did allow the conversation to move on to other trivial matters, but He Qi was sure neither she nor Zi Wei managed another intelligent word for the rest of the afternoon.

After Ling Fei had finally left, He Qi buried her face in her hands. Next to her, Zi Wei dropped into a chair, staring blankly out in front of her.

"What could she have meant?" Zi Wei asked in a whisper, fear shaking her voice. "She couldn't have meant…"

He Qi managed to gather enough of her wits to send Xiao Shun and Gui Hua outside. Her maids probably had their own theories about why their mistress cared so much about Zi Wei and Jin Suo, but He Qi had not told them the whole truth yet. She did not fear that they would tell, but it would be safer for them all that way.

"I can't believe this is happening," He Qi said, when they were finally alone. "Or maybe I should, I don't know. Of course, of course, Huang Ah Ma would misunderstand…"

Zi Wei looked up at He Qi in horror. "You really think Huang Shang means to – "

"I think…I think after you took that knife for him, Huang Ah Ma definitely started to look at you differently. The thing is…Huang Ah Ma is always surrounded by women, and if they aren't related to him, they all want to be his woman. As far as he is concerned, you are just a palace maid…he does not know you are his daughter so he assumed things…This is a disaster."

"Then what do we do?" Jin Suo asked. "We can't allow…"

"No, of course we can't allow it!" He Qi said. "I think…I think time might have come to tell Huang Ah Ma the truth. But…the delegation is here. This is the worst time for us to reveal this secret…"

"But if we don't say anything, what about you and Xiao Hu?" Zi Wei asked. "Surely Huang Shang would not let Princess Sai Ya leave without at least a betrothal."

"No, he won't," He Qi said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "How did this become such a mess so fast?"

"Maybe we should discuss this with Xiao Hu and the young masters Fu?" Jin Suo asked. "They might have an idea."

In the end, Xiao Hu and the Fu brother did not have a better than idea, and the need to reveal the truth managed to get that much more urgent when it turned out that Sai Ya had zeroed in on Er Kang instead.

The reveal, which by a combination of them all not really thinking straight, took place in the most public of spectacle in the imperial garden, with both Sai Ya and her father present. Perhaps part of it was Huang Shang's own embarrassment from having his dirty laundry aired before guests, but it was too easy for Huang Hou to persuade him to lock up Xiao Hu, Zi Wei and Jin Suo in Zhong Ren Fu. He Qi, Er Kang and Er Tai could only watch in horror as they were dragged away, the emperor deaf to their pleas. In that moment, He Qi could not help but feel that all her dreams and her heart were shattering to pieces right before her eyes.