Title: Them
Rating: G
Spoilers: Yeah right. If anything in this story was a current spoiler, I'd be on cloud nine.
Notes: This is just something that came to me one night. It's rather short, but I find it interesting to see the relationship of Carter/Abby through the eyes of others.
-----------------
I've been watching them for weeks now.
Honestly, I've been watching them since it first became obvious to me that they were together. But in the past few weeks, something was sparked within me and I'm suddenly interested in them more than usual. I'm not sure what it is. All I can think is that maybe I've seen a change in them, and I'm suddenly finding the answers as to why it's him instead of me.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I wish she still belonged to me. We both moved on a long time ago. But she's the only woman that I never managed to figure out. I could never make her comfortable enough around me, never convince her to open up. And, to this day, that frustrates the hell out of me. Until I met her, I had never been confronted with a woman that I couldn't make happy. She proved herself to be a force like none other. And it's always perturbed me that I lost that battle.
Not because I want her back. Only because I never lose. And watching them is showing me a glimpse of how he won. Of what it takes to make her happy.
The thing is, I made so many mistakes with her. I honestly can't blame her for pulling away from me in the end. But I just wanted her to be happy. In all the time that we spent together, I can't remember a single moment in which she seemed truly and genuinely happy.
Except when she was with him.
I didn't let it bother me, didn't get jealous. They were best friends. They were close before she and I ever became something of importance to one another. But I never failed to notice how his presence brought out something different in her. I think deep down I always knew it would end up this way.
Them. Together. He understands her better than I ever could. And I tried. But she was a mystery that I could never solve. A mystery that he apparently understood all along. And it really pisses me off. I wasn't good to her - wasn't good for her - but that didn't mean that I wanted him to win. Then again, maybe that's the problem. I wanted to win her. As if she were a prize. I doubt he ever saw her in that light. He just wanted to be with her. And she's letting him.
She never let me. That's why I'm so drawn to their relationship. Watching him with her helps me to see where I went wrong. Steps I should have taken. Things I should have said. Or not said. He understands her psyche. He knows when to hold her and when to back away. He can tell just by looking at her that she either is or is not ready to talk about something. And he knows how to talk to her without using words at all. She and I never had that. That unspoken connection. I didn't understand. I just pushed her too far. Pushed her directly into his arms.
And that's exactly where she is right now. I can see them through the window into the lounge, standing in front of the table, arms wrapped around one another and talking. She's looking up into his eyes and smiling deeply. Did she ever smile at me that way? I'm positive I've never seen that smile on her before. He's whispering something into her ear, and he's rewarded with what I'm sure is a beautiful laugh. And then she places her hands upon his face and kisses him. Long.
I wonder what he said. I wonder if maybe one day I can ask him. Just so that I'll know what words are necessary to access the depths of that woman. Because I surely never found them - the words or her depths. But he obviously knows both very well. And now they're both walking past me, suddenly morphed into the appearance of professionalism that they present to the public. She looks happy with him. And I can honestly say that I hope she is. When I first realized they were together, it made my stomach turn. Not because I didn't expect it - I did - but because she seemed happier after just two weeks with him than she had ever been in the entire year with me.
But things are different now. I'm realizing that it's not about me. I hurt her and bruised her and have probably caused damage that was left for him to deal with once she was his. I screwed up. And this is about her. I loved her, but I can say truthfully that I was never in love with her. That's the difference. I love her still, because she's an incredible person. But he has always been the only one in love with her. And she deserves that. Especially after what I put her through. He's good for her. I guess I always knew he was. I just couldn't bear to face up to my failure. I failed her. But she's in good hands now. She has been for almost a year and a half.
As I turn and walk toward the exam room where my next patient awaits, I mentally recall all the differences in them over the past few weeks that suddenly gained them my uninterrupted attention. They've had their rough times, this much I know. The whole hospital knows when they're fighting, thanks to Chuny and Haleh. But things had calmed down, it seemed, about four months ago. Granted I wasn't paying them any mind then, but I had noticed that the gossip at the admin desk was lacking any word on the relationship of Carter and Abby. And then, about three weeks ago, I noticed something about her. She was glowing, it seemed. I would catch her smiling to herself when she thought no one was looking. There was distinct twinkle in her eyes that had never been there before. Not even in all her time with him.
And him. He might as well skip through halls whistling a tune of love, as giddy as he had seemed lately. Nothing seemed to bother him anymore. And as chief resident of the ER, one would expect to see him get a little frustrated on a daily basis. But not Carter. Not in the last three weeks.
More and more, they've been stealing moments together in the lounge or an empty trauma room, constantly whispering into each other's ears as if they have a secret that is solely theirs. And it wouldn't surprise me if they did.
As I enter the exam room to discharge little Jacob, the 4-year-old with a broken wrist, I notice that she is standing by his bedside, talking with his mother and finishing up his paperwork. And then I see it. I'm a good fifteen feet away from her, but I still it. A diamond ring. On her left hand.
And suddenly all my questions are answered. That explains it all.
Shaking my gaze away from her hand, I take a few steps toward the bed and she hands me the chart. I exchange a few pleasantries with Jacob and his mother, before signing out for his discharge and watching them leave. She's putting supplies away now, completely unaware that I'm still in the room. Must be lost in her thoughts again. Not that I blame her, now that I know the circumstances.
She turns from the cabinets and sees me, offering a warm smile as she heads toward the door. But before she can leave, there's something I need to do.
"You're engaged?" Let's just throw it out there, find out where it leads me.
She looks at me in surprise, then realizes that I must have seen the ring. As she glances toward her hand, I can tell that she's trying to suppress a smile. "Uh…yeah. Yeah, we are." She looks back up at me, not sure what else to say. Obviously she's still uncomfortable discussing him with me. She thinks it's a sore subject. And why wouldn't she. At one point, it was.
"When did it happen?" I ask her with genuine curiosity, hoping she'll release the tension and talk to me.
"About three weeks ago, actually." That's what I thought. I don't understand how I missed that rock on her finger, given how much I've been watching them lately. But I did. "Today's the first day I wore the ring out in public," she continues, as if reading my thoughts. "We wanted to keep it a secret for a little while, give us some time to enjoy the newness of it before throwing it out there for the ER gossip mill to rip to shreds."
I have to smile when she says this. And I think she's surprised by my sincere reaction. We just stare at one another for a moment, not knowing what else to say, until I release a heavy sigh. "Congratulations, Abby. Really. I'm happy for you."
She's studies my face momentarily before arching her eyebrows and giving me an understanding grin. She knows I'm serious. She knows it's okay for us to be friends now. "Thank you, Luka. That means a lot."
Her eyes flutter to something behind me, and I turn to see him standing in the doorway with a smile. And suddenly she's walking past me again. She turns back to look at me, stopping only to say that she'll see me tomorrow, and then places her hand in his and happily receives his kiss upon her forehead. And as they walk away together, I'm more convinced than ever that everything has fallen into place. She's where she belongs.
It's not about us anymore. It's about them.
--------------------------------
Fin.