A/N How is it possible to be given so many friggin essays within the first bloody half-term? THERE'S EVEN STILL 3 WEEKS LEFT. Yup, GCSEs mean a hell of a lot more work, plus all my extra-curricular AND the theatre production… I have no time plz help me I even signed up for Legally Blonde along with it all… I don't even think the half-term will hold any peace, since I have my D of E, we're going on holiday again, and it's my bday so I wanna procrastinaaaaaate…. Also, the S8 trailer will probably drop and ruin my life.

I promise I'll try to update/write bits of this, and a new chapter for my proper fic, during these small breaks I have in evenings. (Also, forgive my procrastination, but has anyone watched Hilda on Netflix? It is actually the most ADORABLE and PUREST thing ever!) I wanted to write more characters, but I'll have to save them for later…

So this time I decided to do this mini-chapters all in one chapter thingy. I mean, everyone's back together and ON EARTH! Behold a new setting for le fanfics.

Idk post-S7?

Humans are Space Orcs:
(or, alternatively-)
Humans like to Die:

Allura and Romelle, after a full three-hour explanation, were still completely confused.

The princess tilted her head, "So… Earth has never actually had a 'War of Worlds' but three wars between the countries of this world?"

Romelle also added, "And your world is so diverse that it needed to be split into 'countries' – like mini-worlds of their own?"

Shiro bit his lips: that made humans sound like crazy savages on their periods. Truthfully, though, it was factual. "Uh, yes? But those wars actually propelled civilisation forward, you could argue. Now the different countries of the world all cooperate a lot more and our technology has enabled us to finally open up to other life – to you – and, you know, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Allura (still very confused, but all the same) smiled, "Oh! And in your case, even what does kill you can make you stronger!"

Shiro just gave an awkward laugh, wishing he was back in the Astral Plane, Romelle mumbling in realisation, "But didn't the Alteans do all of that without the wars, much quicker?"

Shiro was about to start using his new arm as Yondu's motherfucking arrow, but Allura interrupted with a much more pressing issue: "Don't worry Shiro, Lance also died and came back even stronger."

That was a very long and stressful day that ended in mostly tears. (It all ended in tears)

-o-O-o-

Correct Armour:

Melyn couldn't take it anymore – now that Shiro commanded the Atlas, there were no excuses.

"ALRIGHT IF Y'ALL DON'T SORT OUT YOUR COLOURS RIGHT NOW IMMA GO ON STRIKE."

Hunk was the most heartbroken by far – he knew just how much she struggled with the sheer blasphemy of it all – but the one who really looked the worst?

Lance.

I mean, having to give his own suit to his beautiful, fabulous, talented, amazing, literally royal crush AND to then don the clothes of his hot- I mean grizzled- I mean judging leader… ?

This was worse than suicide, and he'd already experienced death!

Keith also seemed a little disconcerted: he'd have to wear the past leader, his idol, Shiro's armour. Like, that is some heavy shit to carry, people. And so he descended into a spiral of doubt…

Allura, if she did feel any weirdness about wearing the clothes of someone who had a scary crush on her, didn't seem very fazed by any of this.

Meanwhile Pidge had literally no qualms, watching the scenario with a bag of popcorn.

-o-O-o-

Through Shiro's green light and the Lionesses' persistent demands, the Paladins thought to at least try wearing matching armour.

It did not go well.

Melyn spent the entire mission vocally appreciating the changes, distracting poor Hunk from tracking the stray Galra hostiles; Allura spent the entire time trying to mask her expression of horror at just how much product was left on Lance's armour (trust her, she'd cleaned it every way possible multiple times, and that waxy foundation would not come off even if the sun threatened to explode on it) and it didn't help that Azul kept hinting about it to Lance; Keith was trying way too hard to live up to Shiro's standards, making Kuro pull crazy stunts she'd much rather not; and Red was left cackling maniacally at Lance's mental breakdown. Pidge was still eating popcorn, by the way.

Verde mumbled to her Paladin, "Shouldn't we help them?"

"Are you kidding, Verde? This is fucking gold!"

Azul called to Lance, "Yo, what foundation do you use? I mean whatever it is, it must stick pretty damn well,"

Kuro growled, partly because Keith had made her squeeze through a tiny canyon that scratched her flank, partly towards Azul's obvious prying, "Azul, Red, you are not helping the Red Paladin."

Verde nodded in agreement, "Also Azul, you don't need makeup, you're a Lioness! You were born perfect! No, literally, like, that was our whole purpose-"

Lance squealed like a kettle boiling over, "Ohmyfuckinggodyouguys, could you please shut up!?"

Red couldn't keep her giggles at bay, "Yeah guys, he's trying to get through his bi disaster~! Let him sort out who his crush is, please,"

"Red, I do not think teasing is necessary," Allura tried to calm Red down, but it backfired epically.

"Oh? Says the princess who's suddenly shown interest, having shown none for nearly two bloody years prior?"

Only now did Melyn's constant chatter rise to interrupt everyone's arguments, resulting in Hunk finally breaking, "Okay, Mel, I fucking get it, we all fucking get it, so for the love of all things good and beautiful, shut. The fuck. Up."

What was meant to be an order for silence via Hunk's endangered admonishments turned into a free-for-all where everyone lashed out at each other all at once over the comms – Pidge still gloriously munching on her popcorn.

Keith finally yelled, eyes turning Galra, as he broadcast onto everyone's screens, "That's enough of you all shouting like children, the majority of you are over 10,000 years old, for Christ's sake! We've been through two wars, a dozen fights to the death, the loss of loved ones, but we crumble the moment we change our outfits? What are you, K-Pop Idols?!" His hands had been flying in every direction, pointing accusingly, and it would've been hilarious if it weren't for the yellow slit-eyes and the way his voice had gotten this eerie growl to it as he yelled.

Needless to say, everyone got their shit together and dealt with the mission. They probably could've kept their new armour after having gotten past the initial problems, if not for one revelation.

Keith found his roots turning white.

Was this the curse of the Black Armour?

-o-O-o-

A Bad Bet:

"Did you see the way he gave me that condescending look? I don't buy his 'boy scout' act at all. I bet he's just waiting to throw something venomous my way – or when something goes south blame everything on me – or just generally hate me for being half-Galra-"

Pidge held a hand out to Keith, "Whoa leader, you really wanna bet that James would do all that? I mean, I'd make a bet that he won't: in all these years, he seems to have gotten over your rivalry, moved on, realised it was all superficial anyway, it was probably only fuelled by jealousy too, and has learned to become a great leader of his own team. If anything, it's the whole 'likes repel' cliché."

Keith (ignoring Lance's call of "Yeah Keith not everything's about you!") glared at his small friend, "Oh really? And what are you willing to bet on that?"

Pidge grinned, "Only if you tell me what you're willing to bet,"

-o-O-o-

Keith had indeed confronted James, expecting it to end in another one of those fist fights that Shiro had to break up, but no. They had an honest to god normal, dare I say nice, conversation. They both apologised for their previous relationship and all of Pidge's assumptions turned out to be correct.

Hunk had warned him, "Buddy, what? No, you never make a bet with Pidge – because she's always right!"

He should've never made it a bet – he was about to try negotiating with Pidge, but Shiro, Kuro, Kosmo and even his own mother Krolia's judging gazes made him keep his promise.

Red cat-called as Keith walked to lunch in the infamous virgin killer sweater.

Let's just say the paparazzi were leaving trails of blood.

-Which still wasn't enough to rival the amount threatening to leave Lance's body. Honestly, even Azul was flushing at how fucking good it looked on him.

(If you don't know what a virgin killer sweater is, I've just introduced you to the best fanservice in the world)

-o-O-o-

The Cat-Lover:

Veronica squealed so loud Lance swore the few windows left were left no longer. Right, he just remembered, his sister was the biggest cat-lover in the universe. Of course, they were never allowed any pets due to their brother's endless list of allergies, but Veronica was the queen of finding the cutest cat pics, and Lance the king of finding the best cat memes. It makes sense that literal living cat girls would send Veronica nuts, especially considering the most catlike of all the Lionesses was the one to approach them on their day off: Kuro.

Kuro gave her unimpressed, slit-eyed stare to the siblings as the eldest freaked out. Kuro mumbled a simple explanation, "That traitor of a leader is off concocting schemes with the demon, so I came to this so-called 'cat-lover' for pampering."

Veronica was beaming almost scarily, "I have no idea what she just said, but SHE IS ADORABLE!"

Lance sighed, "She came here for a fuss because she's jealous of Kosmo." He whispered to his sister, "Kuro absolutely loves fusses – she'd literally turn to the dark side if Darth Vader was good enough at fussing her." I mean, that's what she did with Zarkon, so…

Veronica gave one more deafening squeal before pouncing onto Kuro's furry little black ears. Sure, Red was the cat you see memes about, the one who's already conquered the world and is plotting to kill all of humanity; Azul is that tsundere cat who usually doesn't want anything to do with you, but gives you an affectionate rub from time to time; Melyn is that chubby, chill cat who rolls around in the garden, bringing dead mice back every so often; Verde is the runt of the litter who shadows her owner, usually the clumsy kitten who knocks vases down and scratches the wrong spot; but the most undeniably catlike is clearly Kuro. Kuro has elements of world domination, that condescending glare even though she does care about you, most of the time she will stay out of your way and chill on her own, and whatever she says about Shiro being an incompetent fusser, or Keith being a traitor, she stalks their every move and makes sure they don't fuck up too bad. Hell, Shiro did that and she still picked him up and stored him in her very essence for a good year before anyone figured out he'd ever even died. Lance would describe Kuro as the team's tough-loving, scary, foreign grandma.

However, at the sight of Veronica seeming to have cracked the Da Vinci code on how to correctly fuss Kuro, Kuro purring like an old vehicle, displaying the most content kitty face Lance had ever seen on her, Lance began to question his stoic image of the Black Lioness in his mind.

Veronica gave her catlike grin as Kuro moaned in pleasure, "Oh my quiznak you are good,"

Not sure what this was escalating into, Lance backed out of the room slowly and quietly.

-o-O-o-

Grandpa Shiro is Unimpressed:

Veronica also loved Slav and thought his 'Alternate Reality' stuff was hilarious, and Lance thought that was only because she thought Slav was joking, which was kinda true, but Veronica still loved Slav for being such an extraordinary genius. On top of that, most of the other Garrison officers and the MFEs took after Veronica and began to love Slav too. He helped them progress all their technology and think of ways to raise efficiency, and so on.

Shiro, however, was having none of it.

Slav had been going on about which realities had what and such, then Pidge asked, "Hey. How many realities do Hunk and Keith get it on?"

"PIDGE!" Plenty of people yelled at her. In her defence, the pair had been quite buddy-buddy recently, genuinely enjoying each other's company.

Melyn was about to take Pidge away to the naughty corner (AKA put her next to Kuro's furiously swishing tail, a tail that once won a wrestling match against Kolivan, mind you), until Slav answered her question (all too) happily, "Oh, clearly 21.71% of realities, those are the ones Hunk is able to warm his way into Keith's cold heart. But, in fact, it's a lot easier than people think, since I can safely say that Keith and Lance 'get it on' in at least…" He hummed in thought for a second as about ten people charged at Slav yelling that nobody needed to know, though all of whom were batted away by Red. Slav finally finished calculating, "68.83% of realities – oh, and by the way, all of these calculations include harems and polyamorous relationships. Surprisingly, there are a lot of realities where Lance has his own harem…"

Pidge, however, was severely disappointed. "Damn, so close to 69…"

Keith just groaned, "I think I'm gonna be sick…"

Lance wasn't sure whether he should be proud or disgusted like Keith, but decided taking the opposite side would be more his style and so said nothing but wore a smug expression for the next few minutes. Red gasped, mumbling something about witnessing the rare 'Smug Silence' of her Paladin, as Verde simply blinked in confusion. The poor kitten, she never knew what weird ideas flew around the minds of her elders. Fortunately, Kuro did understand, and had the maturity to whack those three on the head sequentially before Azul could hiss a snarky remark at Red, which would be closely followed by a cheeky romance-related question from Melyn, a question that would only serve to complicate matters further.

Shiro sensed the scene starting to diminish and refrained from sending his new nifty floaty arm to whisk that pesky Slav away – though it took a great deal of patience yields focusing. However, the scene never managed to entirely diminish as something very, very, very unexpected happened. So unexpected you might even say the writer got lazy and needed an excuse for more shenanigans.

BOOM!

And the US Army appeared, guns, tanks, ships, the whole lot – all aimed straight at the Paladins and their Lionesses. Upon later explanation, most military groups around the world had the insight to evacuate most civilians underground and protect them there (they knew better than to fight high-tech aliens mate, they've been to the cinema) and now, what oh what could be the biggest threat to humanity? Sure, all these aliens may seem suspicious, but living, magic, mecha furries? Ah, now you see the threat (as would the majority of the Paladins themselves *cough cough* Red *cough*) – but what is the really stupid thing about this whole thing is not that these creatures literally defeated a whole-arse alien army, but the whole 'magic' part of their description.

Of course, the Paladins looked fairly shocked (although Allura was more curious than anything), whilst most of the Lionesses simply looked disappointed. Azul and Romelle muttered to each other, "Humans really are quite dumb."

Verde, being surprisingly scary when it came to the threat of the Paladins (or more specifically, her Paladin), took quick care of the situation by sprouting various plants and vines from the would-be dead soil. Three quarters of the army had been taken care of by just this one little green neko… Pidge smirked, evilly proud, in the background.

Shiro did not smirk or smile as most of the others did (even Keith was smirking, tut tut), because they'd kinda just destroyed a valuable defence asset for Earth. Clearly, the military generals were not happy either.

One particularly nasty-looking bearded man scrambled out of his plant-struck tank, yelling profanity at the group. He complained, "Look what you damned monsters have done! It's not enough for you to lead those hideous things here and bring back the dead!? Foul creatures, have you no sense of shame!?"

The Paladins gave the general antagonistic looks, Lance and Pidge drawing their Bayards as Keith held his, still debating whether he should get involved or not. Thankfully, none of those were needed as Kuro stepped forward, the other Lionesses hissing and glaring as they held their ground.

She roared, "Excuse me, horrid-ears, but you have no right to admonish us for helping you. No matter what you did, the Galra would have found you and killed you all." She glared in solemn silence for a few moments, letting those facts sink in. Finally satisfied, she continued with a sly, fangs-bared smirk, "Besides, those toys couldn't even kill Romelle."

At the mention of even the thought of (best girl) Romelle being murdered, the rest of the Paladins (and just everyone in general – Romelle had quickly become a fan favourite) roared in rabid hostility. At this display of dominance, the bearded man gulped, slowly retreating into his vine-ridden tank.

Red scoffed proudly, "Ha, I love being evil."

Melyn nudged her, growling, "Red, we're the good guys, remember."

"Oh. Oh right, yeah, def."

Shiro grumbled, wondering how in the universe none of them had been killed along the way- oh wait. Nevermind that thought, our poor grandpa just sunk down into his seat, dreading the day this shenanigans would finally come to an end…

A/N Ok so finally finished it, and I'm pretty sure a Romelle-centric one is gonna be next, but I really wanna talk about Klance for a sec. Honestly, I kinda disliked this ship at first, but so much crap has happened that, to me, it's really the only thing that makes sense, and I've grown to like it. A lot of sad things have happened around the Klancers, specifically Dirty Laundry getting deleted (which I loved for the story, not the fact that it was Klance – it didn't even feel like fanfiction it was that amazing), but a lot of people have been saying Dreamworks cancelled Klance? I just can't believe they'd be dumb enough to do that, though it may well be true. But also? Bullshit. I still think Klance will hit ya like pow during the last episode or summat, since the way they're setting up Allurance and Acxeith isn't good and I doubt these amazing writers would drop everything this late in the game and switch to ships that don't make sense (but also guys it's not all about ships chill). The other thing that makes this theory bullshit is that if this were true, Dreamworks would be setting themselves up for qbaiting bc of all the Klance tags and thumbnails and just everything – I genuinely think there's too much stuff for the crew to safely back out of Klance without being shitted on by not just the fans but also the news. The whole 'back and forth' thing with Shiro might've been because Dreamworks felt adding Shiro to the gays along with Klance would be overkill (although it stays true to the 'gays travel in packs' myth). All theories aside tho, even Netflix ain't happy, they took Voltron off the LGBT section lol.

Honestly, I just want them to write whatever they're doing well. But also? Kick.

Theories aside, I LOVED WRITING THIS! I'm not sure maybe from now on all chapters might be like this? It depends on the idea, really, and I was meant to be writing my other fic before I went back to this but inspiration calls! But also? Please check out my other fic I'm proud that I haven't lost all my writing abilities, it's called Seeking Secrets and was kinda inspired by Riverdale which I binged this summer.

I feel like I'm picking on Keith too much. But also? I should stop saying 'but also'