DISCLAIMER: Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano.

~ Just a Mild Skull Fracture ~

Pip Bernadotte very much didn't want to even admit he was injured, much less inform Sir Integra as to the exact nature of the injury, but Seras insisted that it would be irresponsible of him to try to hide it from her. So here he found himself standing in front of the boss lady's desk in her office, having one of the most awkward conversations of his life.

"What happened?"

"It's nothing, just a mild skull fracture."

"A mild skull fracture," Integra repeated disbelievingly.

It was obvious from the way she was glaring at him that Integra did not appreciate Pip's attempt to brush off the severity of his injury.

"And how did this happen?" she asked.

Pip was somewhat hesitant to reply this time, and with an apologetic glance at his girlfriend, he said, "Well... I don't really want to get into the details, but let's suffice it to say that Seras forgets her own strength sometimes..."

Walter, standing stoically by his lady's side, did not visibly react to this revelation other than the slight raising of one eyebrow. Alucard, lurking in a corner, began to laugh as if he'd just heard the most hilarious joke in the world.

Integra let out a heavy sigh. "Even if you think it will help you fight enemy ones in the future, it is highly inadvisable to spar with a vampire."

The whole thing could have ended there, with Integra none the wiser as to what had really happened, if only Seras had not chosen to speak up at this juncture.

"We weren't fighting."

"Then how did you did you break his skull?"

"It's just a fracture!" Seras protested. "And it was an accident!"

"But what were you two doing?" Integra inquired, nonplussed. "How did you accidentally fracture his skull?"

Alucard's laughter paused long enough for him to get out, "At least it wasn't a broken hip."

At this point, Pip and Seras were both blushing and very pointedly not looking at each other, and even Walter was having trouble keeping a straight face.

Integra was growing frustrated with this conversation, which only seemed to make less sense the longer it went on.

"I still don't understand how-"

Suddenly Alucard was beside her, having apparently decided to take pity on his poor virgin master, and before Walter had a chance to stop him, he leaned down and whispered something in her ear.

"What?" she asked, frowning.

"Alucard, no!" Walter snapped.

But it was already too late. The vampire whispered a few more words, at which Integra's face turned a shade which nearly rivaled that of Alucard's coat.

After a few long moments, during which the only sound in the room was Alucard's incessant cackling, Integra managed to recover her powers of speech.

"Alucard, be quiet, it's not that funny," she snapped. Turning to address Pip and Seras, she said, "As for you two... just be more careful from now on."

"Yes, Sir!" they both replied, visibly relieved.

"Now, all of you get out of my office."

~end~