After the movies, Bella mustered up the courage to call Edward. She stared at her phone for a full minute before she took a deep breath and searched for his contact information. The calling bell went off once, twice, three times. Bella almost hung up out of nerves, but Edward picked up at the fourth ring.

"Hello," Edward greeted her with surprise layered over subtle delight.

"Hey Edward, it's me, Bella," Bella identified herself unsurely.

"Yeah, I know. Caller ID, remember?" Edward teased.

Bella laughed nervously, "Just making sure." She trailed off.

There was a pause. They both spoke at the same time.

"How was your-"

"I was just think-"

They both chuckled. Bella felt her neck itch with nerves.

Edward spoke, "You go first." he offered amicably.

"Oh, nothing, just wanted to see how your day had been."

"Not bad honestly. Caught up on some homework, helped my mom with some redecorating. It's her third time redesigning the living room, believe it or not. A bunch of my friends are hanging out tonight. I was just getting ready to go out with them." Edward said casually. Bella raised her eyebrows. It was half past nine.

"Am I keeping you? I'm sorry, we can talk later-" She apologized frantically.

"No, no! It's honestly okay." Edward reassured her, "I was going to text you tomorrow, but I'm glad you called." He paused for a moment, then continued nervously, "I was actually just thinking about you…"

"You were?"

"Yeah," Edward admitted with a smile in his voice, "I was just thinking about yesterday."

"Me too," Bella whispered back, her voice in a daze. She cleared her thoughts and cleared her head. "That's what I wanted to talk about."

"Yeah?" Edward asked, his voice suddenly low and husky. Bella fought to keep her train of thought.

"Yeah, um," The words were stuck in her throat. "I don't know if…" She couldn't continue.

"You don't know if you can stay away from me?" Edward filled in for her. Bella couldn't tell if he was teasing her. She made an unintelligible sound in her throat, unsure of how to react. Then Edward burst out laughing, and she knew he was just pulling her leg.

"Edward," She whined a little, a giggle escaped her, laughing at her own expense.

"Bella," He mimicked her, matching her tone. "C'mon, spit it out. I see that you're nervous to tell me, but don't worry about my feelings. I'm a big boy. What did you want to say to me?"

Bella sighed, but Edward's little joke had made her feel better, and his blunt demand gave her more confidence to tell him. Still, it was hard to get the words out. She considered again if she was making a mistake. Maybe she was just being silly…

"As great as yesterday was, and it was amazing, I promise...I just don't think I'm in a position to be entertaining any...um, kind of commitment or relationship..." She trailed off, her heart pounding in her chest. Edward took a minute to contemplate.

"You know, you can just tell me you're not interested. I won't be angry." Edward said as a matter of factly.

Bella rushed to disagree with him, "No, no. It's not that I'm not interested. I am! I just don't think it's a great idea for me to get into anything right now." Edward stayed silent, taking in the information. It was a while before he responded again, and when he did, his voice was rough but controlled.

"Is it okay if I ask why?"

"Of course," Bella answered as she stood up from her spot on her full double bed, "There's just so much on the line, you know?" She was now pacing on her carpeted bedroom floor, "Senior year has already been stressful, and we're not even a month into it. I've got my hands full with council and debate and classes are so much harder, especially the AP ones, which obviously is the case, duh that's why I took them, and I'm already struggling juggling it all. Not to mention, college application deadlines are right around the corner, and grades matter so much! I have to keep school a priority. I need to get scholarships."

This would've been a sufficient answer, but the Bella Word Vomit flood gate had been opened. There was no stopping her now.

"I don't think Charlie has any money saved up at all, and loans are the best way to ruin your finances forever. Have you heard of the loan crisis?" She didn't wait for a response, "It's unbelievable! I need to stay focused on school. This is the most important time to work hard, and I cannot get distracted. And relationships are just so...unpredictable, you know? You never know what's gonna happen." Edward tried to cut in and debate that statement, but Bella was on a roll, "Especially now when we're all graduating and god knows where we're all going to be. And there's just so many obligations and expectations you have to deal with, and oh I'm sorry I don't think you'll be difficult to date at all, I'm sure you'll be the best boyfriend, but I'm just saying the prioritizing and compromising in a time where we're challenged so much makes me feel like I would make a mess out of all it. It just feels like a bunch of stuff I can't afford to fail at or even attempt to give a chance because of the risk of failure." She took a deep breath. "Yeah, I just don't think it's a great idea…"

She wasn't necessarily lying, but she kept her most important reasons close to her heart. Edward didn't need to know why the idea of her publicly dating him made her so uncomfortable, and it was probably for the best that he didn't find out.

She waited for a reply. Finally, she heard Edward chuckle quietly.

"Duly noted, Bella," He said in a teasing voice. "So I guess there's no convincing you otherwise?" He asked lightly

"I'm afraid not." Bella replied, unsure of how he was really feeling.

"That's too bad," He sighed dramatically, and Bella knew he was okay. "We would've been great together."

"I'm sorry…" She apologized, her voice full of guilt, "Maybe someday when we're both ready and the timing is right."

"And there's the reason I like you so much. While every other seventeen year old is yelling YOLO and doing stupid shit, you're out here being logical and practical about everything. Somewhere inside that teenage body is a really wise old grandma." He teased, and Bella flushed at admission. He was not making this easy.

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" She replied sarcastically.

"It can be whatever you want it to be." Edward joked back, but it didn't seem that his heart was into it. Bella understood that. However badly he wanted to be with her, and Bella refused to believe it was too bad, it stung to get rejected by anyone. It was also important to consider that Edward was very coveted by the female population. He wasn't one to get rejected often, or at all. This must have been a first for him.

"Anyway," He continued, "Thanks for calling me and letting me know how you feel. It's a bummer, but I understand where you're coming from. I'm not mad at you for rejecting me."

"Thank you for taking it so well," Bella responded, grateful for his kindness. "I hope we can still stay friends after this."

"Of course, Bella, that sounds great," he said with forced enthusiasm. Bella couldn't read how truthful he was being. "Anyway, I gotta go, Jasper just pulled up. I'll see you Monday, though?" He asked distractedly, and Bella could hear him moving.

"Yeah, see you."

At the time, Bella was absolutely positive that a genuine friendship with Edward was the best thing for both of them. Now, as she was sat criss-cross-applesauce on her living room floor and peaking over at him spread across the rug, his lips falling in a natural pout with the pack of a pen wedged between them, his messy hair falling over his forehead as if it was styled by Micheloangelo, and his shirt stretching a little over his stomach and revealing a sliver of pink skin, Bella wondered if she could go back in time and strangle herself for ever proposing this so called friendship.

Her past self had good intentions, but she hadn't considered how entirely impossible it was to be 'just friends' with Edward.

On Monday, when she saw him sitting at his desk in English, he gave her a crooked grin that set aflutter all the butterflies that were hibernating in her stomach. He tried to engage in conversation and asked her about the rest of her weekend, but all she could think about was how soft those lips had felt, how his mouth had tasted, how the feeling of his breath on her neck had made her light headed. He seemed chipper and mostly recovered from whatever little grief she had caused him, but Bella could detect a silent longing in his eyes if she paid close attention. Longing for her.

The week progressed with her entirely distracted by his presence, whether it was in her vicinity or in her thoughts. It felt like the kiss had unlocked this desire in her that had been lying dormant for four years. Over the years, the logical side of her brain had pushed down any physical attraction to Edward for self preservation, but now that the seal of indifference had been broken, she could not stop thinking about how much she wanted him. Her reasons for not wanting to pursue him still existed, but when she was gazing into his deep green eyes or heard his angelic laughter, it was hard to care about their validity.

Perhaps it had to do with his reaction to her rejection. He appeared a perfect amount of unaffected and affected by her, which drew Bella in even more. The majority of time he seemed absolutely fine, strolling through the corridors at ease, laughing and joking with his friends, always engaging in some kind of small talk with her. He was giving off the impression that nothing drastic had happened in his life, nothing life changing had altered his existence like it did hers, that she was just one of many. This, in a twisted way, made Bella want to fight for his attention to see if he really cared. But every now and then, when he didn't know she was looking, she would catch him staring at her longer than necessary, or cast a wistful glance in her direction, and her heart would soar with validation, while simultaneously stinging with mutual desire.

All this wanting was torturous.

And she didn't even want to think about the jealousy. Anytime she saw Edward interact in any capacity with a member of the opposite sex, her irrational envy would rear its ugly head. If she caught him talking to any girl, even in the most innocent way, her mood was ruined. It was so unfair of her to wish he didn't move on when she intentionally turned him away, but it didn't stop her from wanting to kidnap him and socially isolate with him on a deserted island so she was the only girl he had any kind of affection for.

She was driving herself crazy with all these indignant emotions. She had no control over her own mind and heart, and she absolutely loathed it.

On Wednesday, Angela called her out on her crackhead behavior. They were standing in line for bagels at lunch, and even though Angela was trying to discuss important council details with her, Bella's attention was entirely unavailable to her; instead, it was solely focused on the center table of the cafeteria, because that's where Edward was sitting with his group of friends.

And Tanya Denali was practically in his lap.

Too anyone else, the blond teenage girl was sitting at an appropriate distance from Edward, but all Bella could see was how she was leaning in towards him, how she was twirling a strand of her strawberry blonde locks around her index finger, how she was clearly flirting with her man- no, not her man- how she was clearly flirting with Edward.

Edward was politely engaging in conversation, and rationally Bella knew it wasn't a big deal that he was talking so casually with the prettiest girl in grade 12, but she could not stop wondering if Edward was also seeing how beautiful Tanya looked in her little tank top and short shorts, how Bella's average features did not even slighty compare to Tanya's effortless elegance, how maybe being rejected by Bella had finally made Edward see what was right in front of him, a girl who wanted him so obviously, who would never say no to being his-

"Bella, stop looking at them!" Angela hissed from beside her. "You're literally glaring daggers at the poor girl. What's going on with you?"

Bella broke out of her trance and turned to find Angela's incredulous face. She cleared her throat and forced out, "Uh, nothing. I just don't like her."

It was her turn to order next. After both Angela and her had ordered, they stepped to the side to wait for their food. It didn't escape Angela's attention that Bella had intentionally placed herself so that her back was to the center of the cafeteria.

"You don't like her or you don't like that she's talking to him?" Angela asked pointedly, calling her best friend out.

"Ang, he can talk to anyone he wants. I don't care." Bella said dismissively, her eyes shifting away so Angela couldn't detect her lie. But the two girls might as well have been born with their hips joined. Angela knew all of Bella's tells.

"Why can't you just admit that you wanna be with him?"

"I don't wanna be with him. You know why." Bella replied defensively.

"Yeah, but I haven't seen you like a guy this much ever. It won't be easy, but I'm sure you guys could work it out." Their order numbers were called, and they collected their food and started walking towards their regular table.

Edward caught Bella walking passed him and gave her a little wave. She returned it with a head nod and a tight smile.

"It's just a stupid crush. I'll get over it." They took their seats at the table. This time, Bella couldn't resist the temptation and picked the spot that would keep Edward in her line of sight.

Angela gave a little hum of disapproval.

"Or, you could stop being such a Negative Nancy and tell the guy how you feel! Stop running away from love, Bella. Embrace happiness for once and stop being scared it's gonna go away."

That hit a nerve. "Drop it, Angela."

Angela paused at Bella's severe tone, and instantly regretted her words. She sighed in remorse. "I'm sorry, Bells. I'll drop it. Um, wanna hear about this new show I started yesterday?" When Bella swallowed and nodded, Angela went on to describe in perfect detail a new Netflix series about a defense attorney who's just the worst and her five favourite law students.

After that, Angela didn't bring up Edward again. She didn't say a word as she watched Bella discreetly steal glances towards his direction. And she didn't say anything when she heard Tanya's distinct high pitched giggle behind her and saw Bella's face twist into a grimace.

When Bella asked if the two could go finish lunch at the library because she had a lot of homework to do, Angela agreed easily and went along with her best friend.

The rest of the week found Bella in a similar emotional state. On Thursday morning, while Bella was getting dressed for school, she had all but decided that she was going to move on. She was tired of feeling so out of control. If she had to sacrifice the so-called friendship between Edward and herself, so be it. She simply could not live like this anymore.

She wore a slightly dressier blouse, bypassing her regular t-shirts, and decided she was going to wear a skirt instead of shorts. She wanted to feel beautiful and confident, and she wanted to not be affected by Edward Cullen anymore. She wanted to go back to pretending he was a fantasy; it was too challenging having him be a real part of life.

She would ignore him if she had to.

On the way to high school, she blasted some Beyonce in the truck. She added some lip gloss while checking her appearance in the small overhead truck mirror before strutting out. She was sexy, cool, and unfazed. She walked towards Angela's locker, and wasn't surprised to find Ben there.

"Good morning guys," She greeted them, and liked the way Ben's eyes widened slightly. He said hi to Bella shyly before kissing Angela and going to class. Angela's eyebrows shot to her forehead.

"Look at you!" Angela praised her, giving her a once over, "You just became the girl from 'She's All That'."

"Thanks, Ang," Bella said, smiling a little, "I was just tired of feeling so negative and emotional. Today is the day I take matters into my own hand."

"You're gonna ask Edward out?" Angela guessed excitedly.

"No, I'm going to get over him."

"You know that's not how feelings work, right?"

"It's mind over matter, baby doll. No man can affect me if I don't give him the power to. And today, I'm taking that power away." Bella flipped her hair, feeling like a bad bitch.

"Wow, I wonder why no other girl in the world has ever thought about that before," Angela replied sarcastically. "I don't want to like this boy, so I'll tell myself that I don't like him and then I just magically won't. Simple." She said in a high pitched voice. Then she giggled at her own joke. Ben was dating a comedian.

"Shut up, Ang. Can you please just be a good friend and 'yes man' my dumb decisions so I can feel better about myself?"

"Absolutely, I can. You're doing great sweetie." She added in a fake saccharine voice, and Bella broke into a smile.

When the bell rang for the first period, Bella took her time getting to class so she didn't have to talk to Edward. She was on a high of her own self assuredness, she didn't want to risk losing it so early in the day. She walked into class confidently, her lips stretched in a smug smirk, and she marched onto her desk without meeting anyone's eyes, even though she felt a few stares on her.

Fortunately, class started as soon as she got settled, and soon she was listening to Mr Banner explain their beginning of the year project.

"Now that we've read and thoroughly analysed Macbeth, it's time for the first project of this semester. It is worth 15% of your final grade. We have gone over in great detail the themes and motifs of the Scottish play, and I want you all to partner up with one other person, pick one motif, and make me a project based on this motif with a two page written essay. This project could be a poster, a poem, a little film, a trailer, anything. All the information will be found on this paper," He handed out a stack of paper to the class, "And it's due next Tuesday. So for today's class, you have the whole period to partner up with someone and figure out what motif you're going with. Tomorrow, we will move into the gothic novels and start Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. Good luck."

With those words, the class went into action. All the students started chatting instantly, looking to partner up with others. Bella's heart dropped a little. She got up slowly, looking around in panic. She had to pair up with someone quickly. She looked for Lauren or Jessica, wishing one of them missed class so she could snatch up the other. Unfortunately for her, they had both already linked up and were chatting amongst each other. Bella looked around more, watching in dread as more people appeared in pairs. She had to find a partner before a certain someone-

"Hey, Bella?" Her heart stopped. "Want to work on this together?"

She turned around with her stomach in her throat. All of her confidence crumbled. He was standing there with one hand running through his hair, wearing a simple white shirt and black ripped jeans. His eyes were bright, his lips pulled in a nervous smile. He was so beautiful. And he was staring back at her with the same wonder she could imagine she was staring at him with.

Say no. Her inner voice screamed at her. This was not going to be getting over anything. Spending quality time with Edward would mean she would stay very very fazed. She needed to just be a little mean, say 'no thanks' and find herself another partner. It was better for her mental health.

But the heart wants what it wants.

"Yeah, sure." she squeaked out, and immediately cursed herself internally. Congratulations on being the world's biggest idiot.

Which led to the now, sitting on her living room floor and being so thoroughly distracted by his presence. They discussed some possible topics in class, and decided on the symbolism of the idea of 'prophecy' in Macbeth. Then came the tricky part. Where and when would they work on the project? Edward was going camping with his family over the weekend, so they needed to start now if they needed to finish it by Tuesday. Bella offered to just work on it by herself, but Edward scoffed and told her to "not be dumb". They were both free tonight, so Edward suggested after school.

Then came the where. Edward suggested his place but that his sister and mom would be home and were usually quite distracting. Reluctantly, Bella suggested her place. It was Town Meeting Thursday, so Charlie wouldn't be home until later.

Currently, Edward was engrossed in Macbeth as Bella discreetly ogled him. She could not for the life of her concentrate on anything but him. It was bizarre seeing him in her space, in her living room, in her house. She couldn't tell if she liked having him here. The tension could be cut with a knife between them. Things were tense, even though they both put up a mutual effort to be forced friendly.

Edward shifted his position, so now he was lying on his stomach and leaning on his arms. He absentmindedly scratched his jaw as he read, flipping a page and outlining a sentence. Bella's heart ached watching him. Suddenly, he looked up to tell her something, and caught her staring.

"What are you looking at?" he asked in a teasing tone, and started stretching his back like a cat, a smug grin resting on his mouth.

Bella's cheek burned, and she quickly cleared her throat. "Nothing. Sorry." She dug her face into her book to hide herself from him. He chuckled and stayed silent.

After a few minutes, she felt her eyes on him. "What?" She asked self consciously.

"What?"

"You were staring at me…"

"Was I?"

"Yeah."

"Huh, I didn't notice." A few more minutes passed.

"Is there something on my face?"

Edward laughed quietly, dropping his head into his opened book.

"You look beautiful today." He said into the floor, his voice muffled by the paper. "I know I shouldn't tell you that, but I just wanted you to know."

It felt like Bella's heart was growing in her chest, it created a pang so sweet. Her cheeks flushed again, but out of sheer pleasure. "Thank you," She said bashfully, her voice a little higher than normal.

This time when she looked at him, she didn't try to hide it. She observed him boldly, wantonly. He turned his head, their eyes meeting over the pages. Edward's face went from playful to serious within seconds. The tension in the room thickened.

Edward broke their silent staring match. "You can't look at me like that." He said in a rough voice.

"Like what?" Bella asked, raising an eyebrow. Her rational side was screaming at her to stop, to hold onto her willpower, to look at the big picture. She ignored it completely.

Edward took his time, basking in the tension of having her attention. He rolled onto his back and sat up slowly, giving her his signature panty dropping smile.

"Like you didn't mean it when you said you didn't want to be with me?"

A minute passed. "I meant it."

Edward would've been disappointed if her entire body wasn't telling him completely otherwise. He scoffed, looking down for a second. Then he looked up from under his eyes, eyeing her like a hunter eyes its prey.

"So I guess we're back to just being friends then?" He challenged her.

Bella made her decision in a split second. She threw her book away, and knelt down on the ground by him. He grabbed her hips and pulled her onto his lap.

"Fuck being friends." She whispered before she slammed her mouth to his.

Wow, that's steamy.

I'm so sorry it took me almost a month to update. These last couple of weeks have been so rough on a global scale as well as a personal scale. I had no motivation to escape into a peachy story when my attention was demanded in so many other places.

Regardless, thanks for sticking around.

And omg so many of you were being so rough on Bella, my poor baby! Of course it was only a minor setback, and she knows better, but she was just being smart and cautious.

Thank you to everyone that reviewed, followed and favourited. I hope this chapter ended in a satisfying way. I've gotten my shit together more this week, so hopefully we can go back to regular updates.

also omg thank you for 100 reviews and almost 300 follows it means so much! Welcome to anyone who is new, and welcome back to returning readers. If you guys are enjoying my story, please share it with other people who you think will enjoy it too!

I don't feel comfortable recommending anything this week.

Please review and let me know what you think.

See you soon!