Chapter Three

All of them had known that this outcome was a possibility. Not that that made the news any easier to take.

There was silence at the table after Tristan had shared what he had learned on the telephone and sat back down in his chair. The search was over. Derry had been found in one of the deserted cottages early that morning. The three of them had heard many stories over the years that warned of the dangers of the bitter cold of the moors in the Dales and now, those dangers were made real and tragic again.

James scraped his fork along the surface of his plate, pushing what scraps were left around the edges. Tristan had said that Siegfried had been in the part of the search party that had found Derry, so he had been the one who identified him. As sad as he felt over the news, James imagined that Siegfried was taking it even harder.

Helen reached a hand over to him with James clasping it, grateful for the touch right now. Another couple of somber moments went by before Tristan finally looked up from his food.

"James, could you hold the fort for me for a while?"

James looked over at him and nodded. Tristan gulped down what was left of his coffee and got up from his chair.

"Thanks," he said, dashing off from the room. Once he was gone, James let out a long sigh and poured himself another cup of coffee. He saw the concern in Helen's eyes and took her hand back into his.

"Don't worry," he told her. "I'm sure Tris knows what he's doing."

"I hope so," Helen said. She wiped at her eyes. "Oh James, that poor boy…."

"Yes. It's terrible that it turned out this way." James frowned and tightened his fingers around the handle of his cup. "Especially when it didn't have to."

"And what about Siegfried?" Helen asked. "James, he wanted so much to find Derry. And now he's out there by himself…."

"I know," James said. He clasped his wife's hand again. "But I'm sure he won't be alone for long. And besides, I think Tristan is exactly what Siegfried needs right now."

Siegfried continued to watch Clyde amble around his enclosure for a few more moments before finally settling on a spot near the fence.

The founder never did fully develop, but Siegfried was concerned that the pony would be susceptible to it for the rest of its life. Whoever took care of Clyde from now on would always have to be on the watch for it. And it was certain to happen if Dale Ross ended up being the one to keep him.

Flakes of snow swirled in the wind that was starting to pick up again. Siegfried blinked as bits of ice flew into his eyes. He had tried multiple times to put the terrible sight he had seen this morning in a ramshackle cottage out of his mind even though he knew it would be impossible. He would never forget the dread he felt when one of the constables called him over to look at a form huddled into a corner. He'd always have a memory of that icy floor pressing hard against his knees as he dropped down to get a closer look.

The wind screeched over the fell, creating swirls of snow in the air. Siegfried could feel the biting chill, but that sensation was indistinguishable from the hollow feeling that had overtaken him as he walked away from that cottage. The only other thing he had been left with was the need to do something. Anything.

Eventually, that something ended up being getting away from everyone. Siegfried wasn't especially fond of being alone most of the time. However, at that moment, being alone seemed like the best option for when he finally had to deal with the emotions which were sure to overtake him before long.

Siegfried continued to stare at the pony. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he never heard the sound of a car pulling up behind him. Or the footsteps that approached him.

"Siegfried?"

Siegfried drew in a deep breath. Truthfully, he wasn't shocked at being found or by who had found him. If anyone could figure out where he had gone once the search was over and the tragic news had spread, it would be him.

Siegfried turned around, and for a second, he saw a boy with light, sandy-blond hair and a cheeky grin. Then the moment passed, and he saw the young man his brother currently was standing there, his hands in his pockets and a serious look on his face. It was something that had happened many times before, and Siegfried often wondered if he would ever stop seeing the echo of the child he had spent several hectic, but happy years raising.

"Am I so easy to figure out?" he said with a half-hearted chuckle. Tristan gave him a sympathetic smile in return as he walked over to him.

"Well as you've told me several times before, being as we are brothers, we each have a pretty good idea of how the other one's mind works," Tristan said.

"So I did, so I did," Siegfried said, nodding. "I suppose I'm just surprised that you were actually listening to me for a change."

Tristan snorted as he moved to stand next to Siegfried who went back to gazing down at the enclosure at the bottom of the slope they were perched on.

"How's Clyde?" Tristan asked.

Siegfried shook his head. "The laminitis cleared up, but the chances are good for a relapse if whoever takes care of him next isn't mindful of it. Josiah Bennett was just telling me last week that he's thinking of getting a couple more ponies for his children. I'm sure they'd be happy to take on a good-natured pony like Clyde for their youngest son."

"I take it Dale Ross has no objection?" Tristan said with a bitter smirk.

"Dale Ross is an unmitigated ass," Siegfried replied through gritted teeth. "Do you know what happened when I stopped by with the police to inform him about what happened to Derry? I tried to offer my condolences and all he could say was that he didn't understand why everyone was making such a fuss. That's all it is to him. A fuss. His baby brother just…he just….and all that man can think about is how it's keeping him from his work."

"No wonder why he farms pigs," Tristan scowled. "He's right at home with them."

"I wouldn't insult the porcine species by implying that he belongs in their ranks," Siegfried said. "Of course, he was only too happy at my suggestion that someone take Clyde off his hands."

"And?" Tristan said.

Siegfried looked over at him and let out another short chuckle. His little brother did know him very well indeed.

"And I imagine our services will not be requested from this point onward after the words I had had with him in regards to his treatment of his brother."

"That suits me," Tristan smirked again. "One less chance for you to stick me with pig jobs when you're in one of your moods."

"Take care, little brother," Siegfried warned him. "There are still plenty of jobs out there and new opportunities are always presenting themselves to me. Trust me when I say that I can always find something to help teach you the value of labor."

Tristan pouted at him, but Siegfried remained impassive. It wouldn't hurt to let the idea that he was always on the lookout for less than favorable tasks to curb Tristan's wayward habits stew in his little brother's brain for a while.

Soon, Siegfried's thoughts drifted back to Derry, his mood darkening again. He went back to gazing at the hills around them. He might have been able to save Clyde, but he had done nothing for the child who had needed his help just as badly.

"Why was he out there?" he wondered out loud. "What on Earth possessed him to go wandering around the moors in this weather?"

"Maybe he just wanted to get away," Tristan offered. "Or maybe he thought there was somewhere better he could go to."

Siegfried nodded. It made sense. At best, Dale was heartlessly indifferent to Derry. He didn't like to think about what the worst moments between them were like.

Then another thought gripped him, a thought that sent a chill through him that went far deeper than the one in the air around them ever could.

"It was my fault," he murmured.

Tristan goggled at him. "Your fault?! Siegfried, how could it…?"

"I told him he should look for work at the local stables when he got a little older," Siegfried said. "I told him that he could spend his life caring for horses if that's what he wanted."

"Well all right, so you did," Tristan said. "What of it?"

"Don't you see?" Siegfried snapped at him. "He was desperate to get away from his brother and I told him that there was a chance he could go somewhere and live the sort of life he dreamed of. Then I said that he would probably have to take the idea up with Dale. He must have panicked and run off to see if someone would be willing to take him on right away."

"But that's hardly your fault, Siegfried," Tristan replied. "You were just trying to encourage him."

"I should have cautioned him and reassured him that I would find a way to help him that didn't involve Dale. Instead, I just filled his head with hopeful dreams with no thought of making sure he understood the things that would need to be done to reach his dreams."

"You couldn't have known that he'd just run off in the middle of the night," Tristan said. "That's just common sense, isn't it? He must have wanted to get away from his brother so badly, he didn't think before he ran off."

"And I knew that his brother was completely unsuitable to look after him!" Siegfried spat. Anger flashed in his eyes as whirled around to face Tristan. "Anyone could spend just five minutes with that odious man and realize that he didn't care about Derry. His own baby brother meant less to him than his pigs."

Siegfried curled his hands into fists and turned back toward the countryside. "He callously neglected his brother and now…." He took a deep breath, a cough tickling his throat due to the icy air. "Derry will never have a chance for a better life or any sort of life at all. And I did nothing."

"You did what you could, Siegfried," Tristan said gently.

Siegfried swiveled his head to glare at him. "And how could you possibly know that? You said yourself that you only met Derry one time."

Tristan let out a weak laugh and moved closer to him. "You've forgotten already that we're brothers? And that I've lived with you for years?" He leaned forward and rested his arms on the bridge. "I don't need to have seen it first-hand to know that Dale Ross probably got an earful from you about how he should be taking care of Derry. And that Derry probably heard more than one speech about working hard and persevering and how things would get better. Along with getting a face full of candies."

Tristan smiled at him, but quickly became more serious again in the face of his elder brother's scowl. "It wasn't your fault that Dale didn't listen," he continued. "Or that Derry ran off with no thought of his own safety."

Siegfried looked away. He didn't even have the energy to be upset any more, especially not with Tristan, but he knew he wouldn't be very good company right now either. Thus, even though he was grateful for the certainty that his own little brother was safe and sound, a larger part of him wished that he could be left alone again.

Meanwhile, a more wistful smile appeared on Tristan's face. "When I met him and introduced myself, do you know what he said to me? The very first thing?"

Siegfried ground his jaw, his hands clenching. He knew what his little brother was going to say and he couldn't bear to listen to it.

"He told me that I was lucky," Tristan continued. "And I told him that I know. I know how very lucky I am."

Siegfried blinked his eyes slowly. Tristan had an annoying habit of saying things that could go straight to his heart, and this was yet another example of it. He knew his brother was right, of course. About all of it. But that didn't lessen the grief and guilt he felt over that good-natured boy's death one bit. Derry Ross deserved to have someone feel his loss, and it was patently clear that that person wouldn't be his own brother.

After that, Tristan fell silent, leaning against the wall with his hands shoved into his pockets. Out of the corner of his eye, Siegfried noted the billows of chilled breath around Tristan's face and the slight shivers working through his little brother's lanky frame. He imagined that Tristan would rather be somewhere indoors, somewhere far warmer than here, and yet, there Tristan stood with no indication that he would move any time soon.

For the first time that day, Siegfried found it in him to smile. Tristan wasn't the only one who had been fortunate in the family ties he had been given.

He reached over to pat Tristan's arm. "It's too cold to be standing around out here," he said.

Tristan gave him a grateful smile. "Right. Home then?"

"Home?" Siegfried cocked his head to the side. "I thought for certain that you'd suggest the Drovers for a quick pint."

"Well, that's always good," Tristan replied. "Especially if you're paying. But, well…I'm sure poor, old James would prefer it if we showed up to watch the surgery so he can do his visits. And Mrs. Hall said something about making some extra scones with the tea today. Or we could just have some beers in front of the fire. And…um…."

Tristan shifted from foot to foot, taking a quick glance to the pony in the field before meeting Siegfried's gaze again.

"And I suppose home just sounds really good right now," he continued.

Siegfried grinned at him and gave Tristan's shoulder another playful cuff. "That it does, little brother. That it does. Come on."

The two of them hurried back to their vehicles, ready to return to the warmth of Skeldale and to the people waiting for them there.