Chapter 11

The sun was setting when Bellamy and Madi made it back to camp. Some of the prisoners sat around having dinner at several of the tables that had been set up outside. Diyoza and her inner circle were nowhere to be seen. They ran into Murphy and the others, situated around a small fire, laughing.

Murphy looked up at their approach. "Oh look who it is! It's the-"

"If you say hobbit, I'm going to throw a spear at you!" Madi exclaimed. She sat on a rock by Raven.

Murphy held his hands up in surrender. "Sorryyyy," he said, drawing the word out.

"Where's Clarke?" Bellamy asked, glancing around the group. Echo's eyes met his for a second before she looked away. Bellamy felt guilty. Whatever had happened between them, she didn't deserve to be pushed away as he had done. She didn't deserve to be hurt but he also knew she deserved more than he ever would have been able to offer her. When your heart didn't belong to someone, there wasn't really anything you could give them in place of it.

Murphy nodded behind him, towards the woods. "She's by some stream that way."

"I know where it is," Madi said, springing up. "I can take you there."

Raven threw her hand out and grabbed Madi's arm. "I think Bellamy can find it," she told the girl. Madi just shrugged and sat down again. Bellamy met Raven's eyes for a second, nodded a thanks to her and set off into the woods.

The sun was nearly gone beyond the horizon, casting the trees in long shadows. He heard chirps in the woods, sounds of little creatures scurrying to their homes before dark fell. He didn't know exactly where he was going but the sound of water soon reached his ears. It wasn't long before he found the stream and followed its course downhill to where he thought he saw a small lake. He stopped just short of the clearing.

There she was. Sitting at the edge of the small lake, her legs bare to her knees and emerged in the crystal clear water. She was staring down into it. He stood frozen. He allowed himself this rare moment to study her. Her hair was shorter and laced with red. It looked really good on her. She had the same tank top on from the night he had first seen her and her jacket lay behind her. Clarke leaned down and ran her hand through the water, the drops glistening on her hand in the last rays of light. She was more beautiful than he could remember. He had pictured her every night before he had gone to bed for fear that he would lose her memory and in the hope that he may dream of her. He never thought he would ever see that face again in this life. But she was really truly here in front of him.

"Are you going to stand there all day or are you planning on joining me any time soon?" Clarke asked, not turning to look at him.

Of course he should have known that she knew he was standing there. He smiled and crossed the clearing to her. She scooted over on the rocky edge to make room for him. Bellamy threw off his jacket and sat down next to her.

"The water is great this time of day," Clarke told him, eyeing his boots.

Bellamy let out a slight laugh. He pulled off his boots, rolled up his pants and put his feet in the water next to hers. He watched her swing her legs back and forth slowly, causing little waves to lap against the shore. At one point her leg lifted a little further out of the water and he noticed a nasty scar on her right leg.

"What happened there?" He reached down and traced the scar with his thumb.

Clarke's gaze followed the line he drew on her skin. "It's how Madi and I met," she told him. When she saw him frown, she added "It's a long story." He hated that. He hated that there were so many stories now that he didn't know. So many things had happened to her in the time he had been gone and he hadn't been a part of any of it. It wasn't fair. He felt like a little child feeling that way but he couldn't help it.

Bellamy scanned the area. The trees were swaying in the slight breeze, ripples forming on the water. The birds were chirping their final songs for the day. Clarke watched him take in her favorite place on Earth. The place that had kept her alive. She saw the wonder in his face, the same wonder she felt every day that she was here. When the entire planet was dead except for a small unscathed area, then that area just held more beauty than you could ever take in and appreciate.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Clarke asked him. Bellamy nodded and met her gaze. He held her eyes for a moment before saying "It is." Clarke's mind raced back to the night he had come home, when he had said she is and had held her eyes in the same way. Those two words had conveyed so much and yet, she'd been so afraid of his reaction if she'd let him know how her feelings had evolved in the time they had been apart.

They sat in silence for a bit longer, neither one speaking, each content just in the company of the other. Reluctantly Clarke sighed and looked at Bellamy again. "I guess we should start to head back."

"Yeah," Bellamy nodded. "Or we could stay a bit longer," Bellamy suggested. As she watched him, he slowly reached out and took one of her hands in his own. He traced the lines on her palm with his thumb. Her breath caught in her throat at his gentle touch. Bellamy put his other hand over hers.

"Clarke," he barely breathed. Clarke's heart beat faster. What was it about how he said her name that just set her heart racing? And why did that suddenly make tears well in her eyes?

Bellamy slipped her hand into his, lacing their fingers together. Clarke's eyes flitted from their hands to his face, trying to grasp what was going on.

"Clarke," he tried again, his voice shaky. He raised his eyes to meet hers and she was surprised to see tears in his as well. "I thought you were dead," he managed to get out between shaky breaths.

Clarke nodded very slightly. "I know."

"No," Bellamy said. "No you don't. I thought you were dead. I thought I had lost you forever." He swallowed hard. "I can't explain to you what that did to me. I felt so lost without you."

"Bellamy," Clarke said softly, hating how raw his voice was. How much pain she felt in those few words. For her, there had always been hope that she would see him again but for him, her death was absolute final. What did it feel like to see someone who had been nothing but a ghost to you for such a long time? Clarke put her free hand up to his face and cupped his cheek. Bellamy leaned into her touch and brought his own hand up to cover hers.

"I've missed you so much," he said. He pulled her hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on her palm, keeping her hand pressed to his lips. He pressed his eyes closed, afraid of seeing her face. Afraid that she may push him away. That those years apart hadn't affected her like they had him.

The fear of her rejecting him increased when he felt her pull her hand away and shift further from him. He opened his eyes and saw her reach behind her to her jacket. She pulled the jacket into her lap, fumbling around in a pocket until she slipped out a piece of paper. The jacket was thrown to the side again as she held out the folded paper to him. He took it gingerly, studying her face.

Clarke felt a tear slide down her cheek. "I missed you too," she said. "More than you know."

"You did?" He asked in disbelief. Clarke nodded to the paper in his hand.

"Open it," she said. Bellamy unfolded the paper and was met with his own face staring back at him. He couldn't believe the detail in the drawing. It was a pencil drawing of his face, a much younger version of him but him all the same. The details about himself that Clarke had incorporated into the sketch were things he hadn't ever even noticed. The way his hair curled, the way his lip curved ever so slightly even when he wasn't smiling and the way his eyes had a determined look to them. How had she drawn this from memory?

Bellamy met her eyes as he said "You drew me. That's how Madi knew what I looked like."

"I thought I would forget what you looked like if I didn't draw you. But I could never forget you, not in a million years. I had to keep you with me because I didn't know if I'd been in time to save you and when you didn't come back after 5 years-"

"I tried so hard," Bellamy said. "There was just no way we could make it."

"You don't need to explain. I know you came as soon as you could."

"It wasn't soon enough," Bellamy said.

"You came right when I needed you the most, just like you always do." Bellamy pulled her hand back into his.

"How do you do that?" He asked in amazement. "How do you always have such faith in a screw up like me?"

"You are not a screw up! And why wouldn't I have faith in you? Every single time I've needed you, you've been there."

"And what about now? Do you still need me?"

Clarke squeezed his hand. "Always. There isn't a day that I'm alive that I won't need you."

Bellamy couldn't believe this was happening. He couldn't believe that Clarke was telling him things he only ever thought his mind could come up with. He felt such joy in that moment. He pulled Clarke to him and wrapped his arms around her. His left hand went around her waist and his right instinctively went to between her shoulder blades where his hand had always managed to get entangled in her hair. With her hair shorter he wasn't able to do that but his hand against her bare skin sent ripples through his body. He felt her shiver under his touch. Could he possibly have even an inkling of the effect on her that she did on him? He buried his face in her neck and breathed in the scent of her. Clarke was really in his arms. He didn't want to ever let her go. If they could stay like this, in this very moment forever, he could die happily.

Clarke held on tightly to Bellamy. His arms around her felt like a safety net. He wouldn't ever let anything happen to her. She'd always felt that way around him, but this was something stronger. Something deeper between them. Theirs was a connection that not even 6 years apart had been able to break. Clarke pulled back slightly so she could look at him. She put her hands on either side of his face and stroked his cheeks.

"When we were sitting by the fire," she said, unable to stop another tear from falling, "you asked me how I managed to stay alive alone and I told you that I'd had Madi. But that wasn't the entire truth. I had you too. I had you most of all. It was probably a stupid thing to do because I was pretty sure that piece of crap radio didn't work but I called you. I called you on the radio every day that you were gone. For-"

"2, 199 days," Bellamy finished for her.

Clarke frowned. "How did you know?"

"Madi told me."

Clarke laughed an 'of course' sort of laugh.

"She told me when we were in the woods earlier. She said it so nonchalantly, like it was no big deal."

"But it was," they said together.

"You kept me alive, Bellamy. Talking to you kept me sane. In those first few months, you were all I had. When I found Madi, I thought maybe now I could stop. That I didn't need you as a lifeline anymore. But I couldn't. I couldn't stop talking to you because it kept you with me. I came SO close to giving up. Oh Bellamy, you don't know how close I was," Clarke's voice rasped out. The tears were flowing freely now. "I can't ever lose you again."

Bellamy pulled her to him again. Clarke cried into his shoulder for all the times she had wanted to cry but had needed to hold it together for Madi. She cried in the comfort of his arms because she felt safe with him. She'd had to be strong for so long but now, Bellamy lent her his strength. His strength enveloped her and held her even closer than his arms were.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'll never go anywhere without you again." Bellamy promised her. "I need you to know that Echo and I-"

Clarke pulled out his arms. "Echo told me about you and her."

Bellamy put his finger under chin and tilted her head up so she would look at him. "Echo and I were together but we're not anymore. I secluded myself for such a long time after thinking I had lost you. I had to hold it together for everyone because you told me to use my head. All I wanted to do was let my heart be broken and let myself feel the pain. Your voice kept whispering in my ear that I had to go on. It didn't matter what happened to me but I had to make sure the others would be ok. I'm pretty sure they all knew something was off but I thought I played the game well. Forgiving Echo for all the things she had done was difficult but again, it was your voice that told me that hating someone for that long was futile. What would it bring except more pain? So I chose to let go of the hate and found myself starting to talk to her more. I thought maybe now I could let go of the pain that wouldn't leave me since your death. Maybe Echo could bring me back to myself. A big part of me thought that she had done it. It wasn't until I saw your face there on the ground in front of me that I realized nothing could have made me whole again. Nothing but you."

Bellamy reached up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Their faces were mere inches away but to Clarke, it still felt like miles before their lips met. Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck as his hand caressed her lower back. Bellamy met her fever with his own, pulling her even closer. His hand slid under the hem of her shirt, needing to feel the warmth of her skin against his own.

Clarke pulled back slightly, breathing harshly against his lips. "Is this really real? I'm not dreaming?"

"You feel pretty real to me," Bellamy said, just as breathless. His hands at her skin sent shivers through her body.

"I feel like I can't breathe," Clarke whispered.

"Good," Bellamy whispered as he leaned in close to her ear. "At least I'm not the only one."

Clarke turned her face towards him, as he planted the gentlest and most enticing kiss on her lips that she'd ever felt. She'd had dreams of this. Of his hands exploring her body, his lips traveling to the sensitive areas on her neck. But the dreams didn't even come near to the reality of Bellamy Blake in her arms. All the pain, the suffering, the fear. It had all been worth it for this moment.

His hand moved down to her chest and came to rest against her thudding heart. "Your heart is pounding out quite a message," Bellamy said quietly.

"It's talking to yours," Clarke said just as softly.

"And what does your heart say?"

Clarke raised her hand and placed her palm on his heart. She looked at her hand on his chest and felt his heart beating as loudly and as fast as her own. Bellamy watched her lips curl into a grin that sent shockwaves through his head. She raised her eyes to his.

"Same as yours," she told him.

It felt like a dream. Bellamy had spent years trying to come to terms with the fact that his best friend was dead. Clarke had always been important to him. He never knew when it had really started. That day when she almost fell into a grounder pit and he had saved her? The day when he'd been trying to teach her how to shoot? Or maybe the day she closed the door of the dropship? It didn't really matter when she'd become more important than his own life because it felt as if she'd always been a part of his life. He couldn't remember a day when he hadn't had Clarke Griffin in his life. What had his life been like without her? Thinking she had died in Praimfaya had brought his feelings to the surface. All the what-ifs and what could have beens had she only lived. He had tried so hard to accept that she was gone from his life and to move on but his heart had been so shattered. Being with her now, feeling her heart beat under his palm, made him feel happy for the first time in what felt like forever. He'd been fooling himself, tricking himself into happiness before. But this? This was real. Clarke was real and she was more than he had ever hoped for. He wasn't broken anymore.

Bellamy tugged on Clarke's hand and pulled her down with him as he fell back, resting his head on the jacket behind him. Clarke easily snuggled into the crook of his arms, her hand still on his chest. Darkness had enveloped them without either one noticing. The stars shone brightly through the clearing in the trees. They both stared up into the sky. Bellamy brought Clarke's hand up to his lips and kissed her palm again. She smiled at the tingle of his beard. They both glanced back up at the sky as a shooting star sped by. Clarke leaned up on her elbow so she could look down into his face.

"That's the first shooting star I've seen since before Praimfaya," she told him, the joy all too clear on her face.

"Must be a sign," Bellamy said, reveling in the joy that brought her.

She lay back down in his arms. Clarke had fought her feelings for Bellamy for so long. They were always at war, always doing what was best for their people. They hadn't gotten along at first but that had changed so quickly. She didn't know when Bellamy had gone from someone she was constantly arguing with to someone she could trust with her life. The feelings for him had developed well before Praimfaya but she'd never let herself acknowledge them. When Bellamy and the others had gone into space, she had been alone for 2 months. Trying to stay alive had been the top priority and talking to Bellamy had been a huge part of that. By talking to him on the radio every day, she had started to let herself open up to him and what she had been feeling. She had not been able to deny what her heart was telling her anymore. Those feelings for Bellamy had pushed through the wall she'd put around herself. Now here she was, wrapped in his warm arms.

Clarke was silent for so long that Bellamy thought she had fallen asleep but then she stirred and sighed loudly.

"What's wrong?" He asked, his fingers drawing circles on her skin at her back.

"What's going to happen now? I mean Octavia is going to be here by tomorrow. I don't know if Monty can do what he suggested so that we can save Diyoza and her people. There may well still be a war that is fought here, in my home. I don't want to see it destroyed."

Bellamy kissed her forehead. "I don't know what tomorrow will bring. Or how we make things right with Octavia. Or even how you'll help the prisoners. But I do know that you will. Somehow you always figure out a way, no matter what it is. Except now you don't have to do it alone. I'm here with you and we'll figure it out together."

Clarke smiled. Together. Maybe he was right. Maybe nothing else mattered except for that.

The END