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Touch of White

Part IV: Friends?

Ushijima stretched his legs over Kagome's mattress. They'd made it back fairly quickly. She'd slept through the entire train ride and so he'd been forced to carry her back to the shrine. They'd received a few odd looks but he didn't mind. He'd chosen to remain beside her for the next few hours until her family would return home. He felt uncomfortable leaving her by herself while she was this exhausted.

The young woman sighed contentedly. She pressed her cheek further against his hip as her hands curled together on top of his thigh.

In moments like these he often lost track of himself. She wasn't his girlfriend. They weren't dating. In fact about the only thing he could say with confidence was that they were friends. His brows furrowed.

Friends.

That very word was beginning to mock him. Portraits from their youth decorated the walls. Images from past camping trips, important milestones and simple moments of their lives were on display around them. Kagome had cherished the time they'd spent together, but did that mean the same thing as cherishing him? There was a vast difference in the way he felt for her and how she viewed him. It was a gap that not even this physical closeness could bridge.

He wanted her.

So desperately he yearned for her eyes to only see him. His gaze drifted to the soft smile played upon her lips. Yet she was focused on another. Ushijima blinked as her phone began to vibrate. His eyes drifted to the device. Kagome had silenced it for her appointment. She'd had enough energy to set it face up on her desk before she'd tucked herself against him and promptly fell back to sleep. His gaze remained locked on the image flashing on the screen.

It was Kuro.

For the briefest of moments he felt the urge to answer it. He wasn't sure why either. By habit his palm reached for the phone. Then he stopped. His fingers twitched just above the object. It would be rude to take a call meant for her. Not to mention the fact that Kuro likely only knew the bare minimum of his connection to her. They'd never really interacted much aside from volleyball. He didn't know anything about the guy other than how he played and what she had mentioned. He hesitated.

If her boyfriend didn't know about him, then hearing him answer would only cause her issues. Picking up now would likely only complicate things for Kagome. It could cause tension in what was an otherwise happy relationship. He wouldn't let his jealousy come between that. Ushijima retracted his hand away. His fingers curled loosely into his palm.

The phone ceased its vibrations. The screen went dark before a notification for the missed call lit up. He felt out of place. As if his position in this setting suddenly didn't match up.

The young woman beside him shifted. A slight moan passed through her lips. He caught sight of her hand pulling further under her chin. His mind summoned the image of those pink-tipped nails raking down his back. Her mouth beside his ear and the sound of his name falling from her lips in a rhythm that he controlled.

Ushijima's felt his face heat with a rare flush. It'd been happening a lot more in these recent weeks. The end of the school term was drawing near. The anxiousness of that unknown factor had been looming over their heads. He still didn't know what would happen once they left. Kagome was likely to move into a dorm with a roommate unfamiliar with her medical problems. School would be difficult enough to manage, but what would happen if she was forced to live with someone who only would agitate her condition? Would it be safe? Or would it be better to live on her own in an apartment?

"Toshi?" She sat up slowly. Azure eyes blinked, taking in their surroundings. "When'd we get home?"

A small smile tugged at his lips, "About an hour ago." Her shoulder leaned into his arm heavily. She wobbled from side to side, attempting to regain her balance. "You were tired." The spiker noted observantly. His index finger reflexively moved to push a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Kagome flushed in embarrassment, "I can't help it! Those appointments always drain me to absolute zero!" She tucked her legs under herself. She braced her palms on her thighs as her brows furrowed with a slight pout. His hand lowered but did not fall away completely. His eyes lingered on the slight blush upon her cheeks. He always loved these simple moments of intimacy. It denoted the amount of trust she had in him and that was something he would always cherish regardless of the label of their relationship.

"It's fine." Ushijima relaxed his shoulders. "You needed the rest." The young woman pursed her lips in response.

"Yeah but you had to carry me back. That's so not fair to you." Kagome dropped her eyes to her thighs, her head shaking back and forth.

"I didn't mind." His thumb and index finger cupped her chin for the second time that day. "Your health was my top priority." That wasn't a lie either. She was his top priority in many ways. It was her face that always came to mind when his games got difficult. It was her voice that would ring out the clearest amongst the crowds. It was her simple gestures of touch that offered the most reassurance. Many times he had imagined her lying beneath him, her hands clutching at his back and his name upon her lips in heated whispers.

Ushijima shook the thought from his mind. He was forgetting himself again. This position, this setting. All of it was out of place. He couldn't push these boundaries. Kagome trusted him more deeply than anyone else. He had to value that aspect of their bond.

"Toshi…" Kagome caught his gaze, "You don't have to do this." There it was. No matter how sick she was, she always thought of him first. That was why he felt so uneasy about leaving her on her own. She could see someone else's suffering a mile away but never bat an eye at her own. He wanted to help her and there was nothing that would ever change that.

Ushijima brushed the pad of his thumb over the flesh of her bottom lip a second time that day. He tipped his head closer towards her so that she would on focus on what he had to say next.

"Yes I do." His tone was gentle yet firm. Full of the determination that he felt in regard to this matter. He wanted to say something more but his words failed him. What could he do? What should he do? The young woman braced her palms against his chest for support. His mind only registered the warmth of her hands as his head angled towards her instinctively. His free hand dropped to the small of her back, pushing her further into him. His mouth lowered onto hers gently.

He shouldn't be doing this. She wasn't single. Not to mention that his only job was to ensure her comfort and safety. His own desires had no part in this. Still, his slid closed as he pressed his lips against hers with a little more force, he couldn't bring himself to regret it.

Kagome had gone stiff within his arms. Her breathing came to a stop. It was only when he encouraged her to join him that he felt the rhythmic rise and fall of her breath beneath his fingers. His hand twitched. How long had he wanted this? How long had he hoped for this single opportunity? Yet, he drew away, placing one final kiss upon her lips as he did so. Perhaps this was bad timing.

"I'm here. That will never change." The words came out faster than he could think about them. They were pure truth. His head dipped for the second time. She was still stiff within his grip. Her fingers had curled tightly into the cloth of his shirt. He was so painfully aware of her proximity at that moment. Just a few centimeters. That was all that separated them.

Ushijima pressed his mouth to hers one final time. In that second something changed between them. The hands that had been clutching at his shirt stiffly shifted to wind around the base of his neck. Delicate fingers buried themselves in his hair affectionately. This was wrong. He knew that. He was fully aware that what he was doing now could be seen as him simply taking advantage of her exhausted state.

Still no matter how many times he told himself to pull away, he kept finding himself drawn to her. This kiss was both slow and full of the raw yearning he'd felt for so many years. Within the slight pressure of her lips, he felt that similar longing within her too.

"Toshi…" Kagome whispered his name between breaths. "We can't…" He felt her trembling. She was nervous. Ushijima parted from her.

"I know," The young man rested his forehead against hers. She was right. They couldn't do this. She was dating another man. His arm instinctively tightened around her waist. The spiker knew that his jealousy was unfounded. They'd never been anything more than friends. He was placing her in a bad position. She was stressed enough as it was, she didn't need him to complicate that further.

His eyes dropped to the slight swell of her parted lips. Why was it still so difficult? His grip tightened momentarily. He was selfish.

He wanted her for himself.

Ushijima felt a reluctance he never had before. He'd always been decisive and concise. Questioning himself had never been an issue he'd had before. The young man took a breath through his nose. Slowly, he lowered his arms away from her.

"I placed you in an unfair position." He met her flushed face seriously. "I apologize." He would not apologize for kissing her though. That was something he'd never regret. He only wished that he'd been able to maintain his control for a better time.

Ushijima splayed his palm over the soft flesh of her cheek, "Get some rest. You're starting to look a little red." The spiker's lips quirked upwards.

Kagome blinked then she pointed an accusatory finger towards him, "But that's your fault and you now it!" Azure eyes widened drastically. "Wait, did you just tease me?!"

The young man felt his smile soften, "Sleep." He gently pushed at her shoulders to encourage her to lay back. With great reluctance she did as he requested. Her face still flushed and an incredulous look overtaking her features. It was cute.

"I'll get my revenge, Toshi." Kagome pointed at him again from her spot upon the bed. "Mark my words."

He took up his usual spot beside her. In a single motion he picked up his book that he'd set against her nightstand.

"Yeah," Ushijima responded without much enthusiasm. "I look forward to it." With that he opened up to the dog-earned page, unfolded the small flap before continuing where he'd left off. He supposed that he could've handled that with a bit more tact. But the chance to see her flustered had spurred him on. Even if she couldn't be his, even if they were stuck as friends, he'd do what he could to keep seeing that expression upon her face.

His lips turned upwards as she curled against his lap. Things were different. But perhaps that change was what they'd needed the most? He turned the page of his book to the next chapter. At least now he was no longer hiding. That was something he couldn't regret. Ushijima dropped his hand into her hair, gently rubbing the pads of his fingers over the space behind her ear. For now this was enough.