Author's Note: To those about to embark on this journey I offer a few notes. First, this is a side fic of "Minato Namikaze and the Destroyer of Worlds" and if you haven't read that you will be confused. Second, this is obviously NOT CANON.

"Well, Minato, you're looking very official this morning," Lee noted with raised eyebrows as she took the seat across from him. He really did too, he was actually wearing the white wide ridiculous hat as well as the kage's robes, and he was looking across from her with the cold stoicism and authority one would expect from a yondaime hokage.

It wasn't usually the face he wore whenever he summoned her into his office.

For better or worse some of the official grandeur of the hokage title would slip off whenever Lee stepped into the room, and for a moment, some of off-duty Minato, the Namikaze Minato he'd been before the hat had been thrust on his head, slipped through.

It was rare, Lee thought, to see him looking at her like that. Even when missions went wrong or sideways, he would never give her that expression.

Minato only sighed, a long and exhausted kind of sigh, rather than one of aggravation or even relief. His face looked drawn, his pale blue eyes less bright than usual as he said with a more familiar wry smile, "If I was any less professional, Lee, I think I'd grab us a pair of drinks for this."

Now, Lee wondered as she stared across at him, what kind of a mission did she have now that could possibly require alcohol? It was one thing to even be summoned into Minato's office at this point, now that the war was years done and likely years upon years before a fourth one would start if it ever did, but to have a mission that made him look like that when everyone knew that Lee was all but unwillingly retired at this point…

Color Lee intrigued, because if he looked like that, Lee was willing to bet there was a strong possibility that it a) was interesting and bound to be messy and b) didn't involve England. She'd been terribly bored since Obito had passed his jonin exams, she could use a messy mission or two.

Minato, with another sigh and an almost painful look, opened his desk drawer with a flash of light and triggered seals to unlock it, and then placed an unassuming mission scroll on his desk on top of his scattered paperwork.

His hand rested on it, knuckles white and clenched, and if looks alone could set things on fire that scroll would be a pile of ashes by now.

Lee, eyebrows raising even further, couldn't help but ask, "Minato, do I get to see the mission you're sending me on?"

For a moment, Minato very dearly looked like he wanted to say no and just burn the scroll anyway and kick Lee out of her office, but finally, painfully, he removed his hand from it and looked across from her with eyes that were entirely too intense.

"Lee," he started, rather awkwardly, then stopped, a flush spreading across his face.

Lee couldn't help but stare, she'd thought Minato had grown out of his adolescent flushing years ago, certainly Uzumaki Kushina embarrassing him at every opportunity had basically made him immune to mortification. Yet here he was, a grown man, face growing redder by the second as he just stared at her.

"Minato," Lee said in the same tone he'd used, before adding, "I think I'm going to die of anticipation if you don't say something. And for me that's a very impressive feat."

Minato sighed, forced his blush away from his face, and then looked back up at her as he said, "Lee, first, I need you to know that this was not my idea. More, you don't have to accept it, I know that you tend to do what you want as it is but there are no consequences for refusing this mission. I will more than understand, the village will more than understand, and you can walk out of here with no regrets."

Lee's eyebrows raised further, leaning back into her chair as she surveyed Minato, tapping her fingers together, and waiting for the pieces to come together as Minato got to the point of whatever this very strange mission was. A mission she could refuse but was important enough to call her into her office, and more was something that she herself had to do versus anyone else. After all, if it could be anyone else, Minato probably would have sent for them if only to avoid inter-village panic.

She almost wanted to guess at this point, so, sitting in Minato's quiet and rather clean office, she let her mind wander back to past missions and everything she knew about the world she lived in. Finally, she landed on it, her eyes widening as she spluttered, "You want me to marry the kazekage's brother-in-law?!"

Lee and Yashamaru were hardly as close as say, Lee and Minato or really Lee and quite a few people in the village, but they generally had a pretty decent relationship and were what she'd label as close acquaintances if not friends. However, as far as Lee knew, baby-faced Yashamaru, now brother-in-law of the yondaime kazekage, was still very much single and certainly prime opportunity for inter-village relationships. You know, if the village and or Minato was insisting on that kind of thing.

Minato spluttered, eyes going wide, choking on his own breath as he shook his head, "No, god no!"

"Oh, good," Lee said shortly, breathing out in relief, "I mean, I like Yashamaru and all, but I'm not really…"

"It's not…" Minato stopped, breathed out, "Technically, this mission does not have to be fulfilled by you, Lee. You simply have… the best qualifications of anyone in the village to accomplish what is needed."

Lee stared flatly, wondering just why Minato was insisting on speaking in ridiculous circles, finally she asked, "Alright, what village am I laying to waste?"

"Not those qualifications," Minato said, rather wryly, as if he only wished Lee's S-ranked skills were the ones that would be coming into play, "No this is… Different than that, a mission that will have life long consequences and one that, if I were anyone but the hokage, I would have argued vehemently against even more than I already have."

Finally, Minato seemed to decide it was time to get to the point as he folded his hands together, looked across at her, and said simply, "This mission was commissioned by the village elders, Homura and Koharu, not even the village council though they, in general, see the necessity of this type of mission. More, it's funded by the village itself and backed by Psych."

"Well, now, that sounds very serious," Lee said, rubbing her hands together as she tried to think what on earth they would want her help with if it wasn't to start a war and finish it all in the same day. Lee was notorious for making the council let alone the elders, extremely twitchy, they liked having her around but they also didn't like her getting out of hand.

"Yes, they certainly think so…" Minato said with a snort, then, looking at her he said, "In short, Lee, it's a seduction mission, a very complicated and messy seduction mission."

"Seduction mission?!" Lee asked, and then started to laugh, unable to help herself as she motioned wildly to herself as if to point out to Minato that it was her they were talking about, Eru Lee, terror of men, and possibly the worst kunoichi for a seduction mission besides Uzumaki Kushina, "They want me for a seduction mission?"

"Unfortunately," Minato said, "They do, and after reading through the files and considering my own position as hokage, I can't quite bring myself to disagree however much I would personally like to. More specifically, Lee, the goal of the mission is… conception."

That stopped Lee entirely and suddenly she recognized why, at least a part, of Minato had been so unnaturally stoic and so distant when she had walked in. Slowly, carefully, keeping her tone distant and composed, she asked, "So, the council wants my children?"

He shook his head, laughing, that desperate quiet laugh that he gave when he was at the end of his wits, "No, no, believe me I'm sure they'd ask me to talk to you about that at some point but… It's not about your child, Lee. It's about… the target's. Remember, Lee, you can refuse it. And honestly, I… A large part of me hopes you refuse this."

Just like that, part of the iciness within her thawed, because she should have remembered, should have known, that Minato no matter his responsibilities or obligations would never have sold her into something like that. It wasn't about Lee, and that, at least, she could listen to.

Lee let out a long sigh, suddenly knowing exactly where Minato was coming from, and decided to just get to the point, "Well, Minato, who is it?"

"Normally, policy would be to keep the target's identity secret until you've accepted or declined however… This will get complicated, and I think you, of all people, deserve to know before you have to choose. It's Senju Tobirama."

Lee stared, blinked once, then twice, then asked, "So, Minato, are you still too professional for alcohol on the job?"

If Minato was too professional for alcohol on the job, then Lee's trusty wingman and former apprentice Obito,was always good to be dragged away from his best friend, roommate, lover, and Lee's all but official baby brother Kashi and off into the night for a round of much needed drinks and consoling his beloved shishou as she drowned herself in absurdity and despair.

"I'm sorry, shishou," Obito said, head tilted and expression entirely too dubious even on the mostly immobile side of his scarred face, "But you're going to what?"

Lee, several shots in at this point but not yet to the point where she'd start distorting reality or slurring in English, said, "I'm going to seduce the nidaime hokage, Obito. It's going to be fantastic."

Obito just gave her a look, a very familiar look that he'd picked up far too early into his apprenticeship, as he asked her, "Why?"

"Because I can," Lee said shortly, flushing ever so slightly even as she mulishly stared at the wall and away from Obito's judging face, "And because, well, we have a thing, and he's not unattractive, and it's my destiny, Obito!"

There was also a very specific mission scroll with her name on it and his as well as even a point of contact to give Lee all the well needed seduction tips to get in his pants. More, the village council was apparently really hankering for Senju children, and if Hashirama wasn't going to give then the village apparently saw Lee as basically their only real shot when it came to the always celibate Senju Tobirama.

Enough to the point where, Minato admitted, that if she didn't do it then they'd really start scrambling to find someone that Tobirama wouldn't shut down immediately if not kill for the sheer gall of attempting to grab his attention.

And the village really, really, really wanted those hypothetical mokuton babies.

And just maybe Lee respected and liked Senju Tobirama enough to not want to subject him to the village doing this with anybody else, to someone who might just shut him out of the child's life or leave him unaware or…

If Lee could do a tenth of what she'd done for Namikaze Minato for anyone else, then she could do it for the immortal Senju Tobirama and the village he'd helped build for all of them so very long ago.

"I disagree with all of those reasons," Obito said drily, taking a sip of his own drink, "Also, do you think that you might want to slow down? Maybe it's not so much you thinking that it's your glorious destiny to rock the nidaime hokage's world but instead the alcohol talking."

Lee said nothing for a moment, just stared at her entirely too smug former apprentice, and then gave the universal come back, "Shut up."

"I'm just saying that you're drunk as a depressed ANBU agent and you're blathering on about your latest and greatest scheme to get the nidaime hokage, infamous cold fish, out of his pants and into your bed," Obito said, and every word was like a knife in her heart, because it was all very true.

Granted, Minato had been very dubious about the success of the mission, but taking his hat seriously had felt the need to at least present it to her. However, Lee was more dubious than even that, sure she and Tobirama got along fine and all, and she supposed they were friends or had grown into friends as she'd grown up, but it seemed like a very large jump to go from that, to, well, lover and baby-mama.

She really had her work cut out for her, didn't she? Lee sighed, allowed her head to hit the table, while Obito awkwardly patted her shoulder, "I know I'm hardly one to talk, what with the whole Rin thing then ambush by Kakashi years later, but you'll figure it out Lee and rebounding off of Minato-sensei onto the nidaime is… Ambitious to say the least."

"I am not rebounding," Lee said to the dirty floor, not sure how to explain any of it, that it truly wasn't, that inside her mind Minato and Tobirama were in two entirely different spheres of thought.

That letting Minato go was not necessarily the same as reaching out to Senju Tobirama. Maybe that was why she'd done it, she thought to herself, as a means to reach forward towards something, partly curiosity to see where this path might lead…

With that, she repositioned herself, sitting upright and willing the alcohol and drunken thoughts out of her body, suddenly more than certain that she wouldn't need this point of contact, wouldn't need advice from all the people who hadn't managed to catch Tobirama's eye, but only her own will and determination.

Lee set down her cup, slapped down bills and coins with a grin, while Obito watched with growing alarm, "You're not… You're not going to try now, are you?"

"What's the worst he can do?" Lee asked as she stood and gathered her things.

"Beat you within an inch of death," Obito said without any hesitation whatsoever.

"I'd like to see him try," Lee said, grin growing, ignoring how Obito's eyes widened and his face paled as he said, "Oh, I think he will try."

Lee offered Obito a small bow and mock salute, "See you on the flip-side, grasshopper."

"If the flip side is the crater you two leave in the village or else the hospital, then yes, I'll be glad to!" Obito shouted as he slapped down his own money to pay for his drink and darted after her, "Seriously, shishou, don't even think about it! Goddammit, shishou, this is a terrible idea and you know it! Shishou!"

But Lee was already gone, darting across rooftops then teleporting to the Senju compound, knocking on the door rather loudly, and watching as a rather unamused Senju Tobirama opened it, "Don't you know it's almost midnight?"

Lee said nothing to this, merely held out her arms, as if in offering, and asked, "Senju Tobirama, how would you like to make sweet love to a red-headed S-ranked virgin in the pale moonlight?"

The answer came in the form of the door to the main building of the compound slamming in her face.

"Well," Lee said, rubbing the back of her head, "I'll try again tomorrow."

Eight o'clock in the morning, the birds were chirping in the morning light, in the distance would could hear the village beginning to greet the day and ninjas coming and going, and Lee was sitting outside what she assumed was Senju Tobirama's bedroom window with a boombox playing Air Supply as loud as it would go, "I'm lying alone with my head on the phone thinking of you 'til it hurts. I know you're hurt too, but what else can we do? Tormented and torn apart, I wish I could carry your smile in my heart for times when my life seems so low. It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring when today doesn't really know."

"Tobi," Lee called out towards the compound, "Senju Tobirama, I remembered last night that you're actually a morning person, so I'm serenading you as an apology. Well, and I'm actually just serenading you because television tells me it's very romantic, even when it's Air Supply."

"I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you, I know you right believing for so long. I'm all out of love, what am I without you? I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong."

Before Air Supply could go on to explain exactly how out of love they were, a kunai glinted in the sunlight as it soared through the air at breakneck speeds until it reached its target of Lee's boombox, decimating it in a single blow and the sweet sound of Air Supply's lamentations with it.

Lee looked down at it, her sparking piece of joy, then back up as she shouted, "You know as well as I do that I can just make another one!"

Finally, Tobirama's pale head appeared outside of the window, his red eyes managing an impressive glare even over the distance from Lee to his window, and looking like he was anything but a morning person as killing intent crackled impressively around him, "What do you want?!"

"Your sweet love," Lee said after a slight pause, "You know, the same thing I came by for yesterday."

"I am not interested!" Tobirama spat, slamming the window shut just as he had his door, leaving Lee to stare at the glass with a rather nonplussed expression.

"Well," Lee said to herself as she fixed the boombox with a wave of her hand and a twitch of chakra, "This calls for a different number."

She then lifted it over her head again, listening as instead, Marvin Gaye's crooning, determined, voice sang through to her reluctant future lover, "Listen baby, ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low, ain't no river wide enough, baby. If you need me call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far. Don't worry baby, just call my name, I'll be there in a hurry. You don't have to worry."

Tobirama's face, now slack with disbelief, reappeared through his window just in time for the first chorus, "Cause baby there ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from getting to you babe."

"I'm here all week," Lee said, wiggling her eyes in the suggestive manner that should have had any hot-blooded man swooning at the mere sight of it.

Tobirama just opened his mouth, closed it, then said slowly, "Are you suggesting that you're going to spend all week, outside of my window, serenading me with a boombox, until I have sex with you?"

"Well," Lee said, thinking that over and what exactly that meant, then realizing she really didn't have anything immediate on her schedule anyways until the next Wizengamot session was called, "Yes?"

For a moment, he just stared, then, as if in spite of himself, his lips twisted upwards into a smirk, "Well then, Lee, I look forward to it."

Just like that he gracefully closed the window, ignoring Lee along with all the seductive powers of Marvin Gaye's R&B delicious delight, leaving her to believe that she really would be sitting out here for a week.

"Goddammit."

One day in and Lee had gotten herself a lawn chair, a pile of science fiction books, and one dutiful apprentice to go with it as she sat outside of Tobirama's window, still blasting her boombox as she made her way through good old R&B mixtapes, "I believe in miracles, where you from, you sexy thing? I believe in miracles, since you came along, you sexy thing."

Obito sat in a chair next to her, sipping loudly from a juice box with a pair of sunglasses perched on his nose as he stared at the house with her, both of them waiting for some move on Senju Tobirama's in this strange sexual chess game of theirs.

"The real question, shishou, isn't if Senju Tobirama will lose enough patience to take you up on your ridiculous one-night stand of yours," Obito said as he pointed towards the compound, "But if you've played 'Brick House' yet."

"Yup," Lee said, "White Barry too for that matter."

"The man truly has a will of iron to resist the sexy crooning of White Barry," Obito said, shaking his head in mirthful disgust, to which Lee simply nodded as if yes, it truly was too bad that Senju Tobirama was so stubborn, so celibate, and had such hopelessly bad taste.

"Yes, but he'll cave," Lee said with a sage wisdom that only a jonin master could display, "They always cave at the end of things."

"Yes," Obito said, musingly, before looking at her point blank and asking, "Except, have you considered that he might be gay?"

Apparently, Psych had considered this, had actually put a fair amount of thought into it, but for whatever reason they'd decided that no, he really wasn't, he just had chosen to be celibate for his own, personal, reasons. They must have been strong reasons too, particularly after the death of his brother, for him to continue to avoid marriage and children.

Still, she'd never know if she didn't try, so here she was, trying in the only way she knew how. With a boombox, R&B, a lot of stubborn patience, and a hefty dose of free time.

"So, you've considered it, but simply don't care," Obito concluded, mostly correctly, as he nodded to himself, "Well, I'd say the fact that neither of you is in the hospital yet actually does give you a fair bit of hope."

"I don't appreciate your lack of faith, apprentice," Lee noted but Obito only laughed, lifting one of her books from the stack and opening to the beginning as he said, "You didn't take me on as an apprentice, shishou, for my overwhelming faith."

Strangely, she had, or rather, something grand and growing inside of Uchiha Obito had prompted her to take him as her first and thus far only apprentice. However, she thought he knew that more than well enough.

Still, strange as it was, sitting here in a lawn chair with Uchiha Obito, playing music to seduce the nidaime hokage while she read through old favorite books, she was hard pressed to imagine anything she'd rather be doing.

And if Minato sent her messages and messengers asking her what the hell she was doing and that, you know Lee, you have an appointment with someone in the village that could help you do the exact opposite of what you're doing, then Lee paid them no mind.

Somehow, she knew, that Tobirama would only ever truly appreciate Lee's way.

On the third night, Lee's shoes slipped off and her bare feet on the grass, her head stuck between the pages of her old transcribed copy of 'Blade Runner' written so many years ago, with the boombox now crooning out the heartfelt lyrics of 'My Fair Lady', Tobirama finally approached her, "I have often walked down this street before, but the pavement always stayed beneath my feet before. All at once am I several stories high, knowing I'm on the street where you live."

A shadow fell over her, blocking the moon and the stars, and Lee glanced up from her pages to see Senju Tobirama smiling fondly down at her, shaking his head as he said, "You know, I really do believe you intend to spend a week or more outside my window, and somehow against all odds you'll never run out of songs."

"Are there lilac tress in the heart of town? Can you hear a lark in any other part of town? Does enchantment pour out of every door? No, it's just on the street where you live."

He reached out with a pale hand, helping her to stand and taking her book from her, long fingers tracing the letters on the cover, "Why are you here, Lee?"

"And oh, the towering feeling, just to know somehow you are near. The overpowering feeling, that any second you may suddenly appear."

"Haven't I said it enough?" Lee asked, suddenly feeling, well, not quite breathless, but as if she was at once caught in this moment and drifting from it, Minato's scroll and mission seeming strangely irrelevant for all that it was so very relevant.

He smiled, an amused almost disbelieving smile as he shook his head, "Oh, you've said it, but I can't quite bring myself to believe it. Even for you, Lee, you've been…"

"People stop and stare, they don't bother me. For there's nowhere else on earth that I'd rather be. Let the time go by, I don't care if I can be here on the street where you live."

"What else am I supposed to be," Lee asked, raising her arms again as if in offering, "Except hopelessly blunt and tactless?"

He threw his head back and laughed at that, long and loud, "No, no, from you Eru Lee I suppose I should expect nothing less."

Lee smiled in turn, waited for him to look at her again, to linger here outside with her as he said, "You know, Hashirama's delighted, and I blame you for it."

"Oh?"

Tobirama just shook his head, "He always wanted nephews and nieces, or I suppose, beneath all of that, he wanted me to find happiness. Of course, then he died, he died so very young…"

Well, Hashirama would have been thrilled to know exactly why Lee was here then, Lee couldn't help but think. Still, that seemed almost beside the point as she looked at Tobirama. She felt something inside of her crack as she noted the way he was still standing out here with her as if he was waiting for something with her. Finally, she said, "You know, Tobi, there doesn't have to be strings. It can just be once, if you want."

He just looked at her, shaking his head slightly, and said, "Lee, I've never been the kind of man for 'just once'."

"Then…" Lee trailed off as the nidaime interrupted her, looking out into the village with distant red eyes.

"Then why am I still standing here?" he asked for her, "I'm not sure. I asked myself that since you first showed up on my doorstep, I'm still asking myself that, and the answer seems less clear every time I ask. However, I think… I think perhaps I am tired, I am old even if I don't look it or feel it, and even when I was living I wanted something so badly that I could almost taste it even when I had no idea what it was or what it looked like."

He looked back at her, some light seeming to shine in his eyes as he smiled, laughed, and said, "And then it shows up outside of my house asking to make love to me all while playing the most ridiculous love songs I've ever heard for days on end. And I know, that if I invite it in, if I invite it in…"

He trailed off, reached out towards her with a pale and almost hesitant hand, "If I invite it into my life, I don't want it to slink back out again with the morning light as if it had never happened in the first place."

Consequences, yes, that was what Minato had said when he'd been talking in circles, that this would have consequences. That, in truth, there would be no skirting around this or locking it in a box in her head or just moving on and…

Except, wasn't that why she was here and wasn't that why she had accepted in the first place?

So, Lee took his hand, smiling in turn, and said, "Well, Senju, lead me into your parlor."

And, the next morning, meeting in Minato's office, Lee couldn't help but say, "I take it back, Minato, I'm clearly the best at this seduction thing. All you need is some free time, some stubborn pride, an open mind, and a hell of a lot of Air Supply."

Then, after a moment's thought, she added, "Also, I think Tobirama and I may end up getting married, he doesn't do casual sex. You will be invited to the wedding."

Author's Note: Written for the 300th review of "The Wasteland" by 61913a who asked for a fic featuring Lee, Tobirama, and romcom. As a nod to one of my favorite romcom Naruto fics I have borrowed the premise of "Making Arrangements" by CrownsofLaurel. So if you recognize the whole setup, yes, I did steal that to a Lee/Tobirama context. Although I will note, however glorious that story is, it didn't feature Air Supply.

Thanks for reading, reviews are much appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Naruto