Author note - Disclaimer - I do not own attack on titan

Now here was a little fun fact about Levi, the guy never let things rile him up. Not really anyways. He had been through enough shit in his life. From losing his parents at the age of seven, to living three years of hell with an abusive alcoholic uncle, to finally bouncing around foster homes, Levi had seen it all. He had also done a crap ton of things that would be highly frowned upon while in his youth. In all honesty, he had a thick skin and most things didn't make him feel uncomfortable enough to squirm under scrutiny. Until now apparently.

Three excited women were staring at him with wide anticipation. Levi met the gleaming green, shiny amber and chocolatey brown behind silver frames with a deep scowl and narrowed dull silver gaze of his own. He refused to even humor the idea of looking into the other set of green eyes gazing at him. Green eyes that far exceeded the other set staring at him. Green eyes that he couldn't even begin to describe. He was seriously regretting agreeing to this whole stupid night. Obviously someone went behind his back and ruined his perfectly planned bachelorette party. Yep that's right. Levi was the maid of honor and the best man in his best friends' wedding. It had been his job to set this party up and he most certainly had not ordered the male strippers. Nope. Not even a chance. If he had to blame anyone, he was very much leaning towards the owner of those chocolate brown eyes.

The night had started out simple enough. Dinner at a nice restaurant. Levi had some fancy sushi rolls and a side dish of fried rice. The rolls had looked magnificent with myriad of colors and tasted just as good as they looked. He had some fruity martini that had been forced upon him by the demands of the bride to be. It wasn't horrible, but not really his taste. The four of them hit a classy little bar on the way back to little miss amber eyed sweetie's house where they were staying that night. It was closest and by far the nicest out of all their little abodes. A couple more drinks in and things started getting a little rowdy, but it wasn't anything Levi couldn't handle. Skip ahead a tiny bit and they were all chilling happily back at the house playing Cards Against Humanity. Levi found it a little ironic since he was a detective sworn to protect humanity, but god that game was fun. Based on the loud ruckus of laughter, the other three found it hilarious as well. It was even enough to make Levi actually smile. A rare sight indeed.

That smile however dropped the moment two male strippers dressed as cops entered the premises much to the women's excitement. Really cop outfits? Fucking predictable. The first stripper was Mr. Muscles of the year. He was broad and bulky. The strong square jaw completed the masculine look. His blonde hair was shaved short. Levi was not impressed. Now the other stripper was a tall lanky young man that looked like he was still in his late teens. His slim body was still toned with smooth muscles that were visible on his smooth looking tan skin. Levi couldn't stop his eyes from raking over that gorgeous body. From the messy brown locks all the way down to the plump tight bum. He couldn't stop the unease he felt creeping down his spine the more that stripper danced and more skin was revealed. It didn't even matter that this young man was totally grinding and rubbing all over his best friend, the bride to be. He just couldn't tear his eyes away. All the squeals, giggles and music became distant background noise to him. The air had become heavy in his little bubble. All the hairs on his body stood up when those brilliant green eyes locked with his. It was those eyes that he was carefully avoiding looking at this very second.

"Oh come on Levi! Answer the question. Have you ever had a lap dance before?" Isabel asked excitedly. Her green eyes shining dangerously. Her red messy haired pigtails bouncing as she skipped up to him. She grabbed onto his wrists tightly and grinned like a mad man. Levi really regretted agreeing to be her maid of honor. Why, oh why, wasn't he able to say not to this woman? Yeah she was practically his sister after living in a foster home together for years, but still this was pushing it. He gave her an icy glare in response.

Hanji poked her head out from where Mr. Beefy was giving her a little show thrusting his manhood all over the place. Ugh. Levi thought it was gross and couldn't fathom why she was grinning like a maniac as well. "Oh look is that a blush I see on your cheeks Leevviii?" Hanji asked in that happy devil voice only she could possess.

"Shut it Shitty Glasses. I am not blushing. And to answer all of you, it is none of your business" Levi finished in his firm but bored tone.

"Oh don't be like that Levi! It's all just for fun." Sweet little Petra piped up from the chair she was sitting on. Levi glanced at her sweet innocent face that was framed by her strawberry blonde hair that was falling in soft curls tonight. It was a mistake though because a certain adorable brunette was sitting on her lap staring at him with those damn eyes in nothing but a pair of skin tight shiny black briefs that barely covered anything. "We want you to have fun too. If you're embarrassed with all of us around, you can take this cutie into the guest room for a private dance." Petra sweetly patted the brunette's muscled thigh only drawing Levi's attention to those long sexy legs.

Levi shifted uncomfortably underneath all the eyes staring at him. He finally snapped and stood up quickly causing Isabel to stumble backwards landing on her bum. "That's it. I'm going out for a while" Levi said in a toneless voice and started stalking away from this ridiculous situation.

"No! Wait! Don't leave Leevvvvviiiiiiii! It's my last night to be a single woman! I need my bestest best friend with me!" Isabel pleaded and glomped onto his leg. Levi scowled down at her. First and foremost it was not her last night. The wedding was two weeks away. He tried to kick her off of him. Isabel however was a very determined young lady with some hidden little muscles and clung on tighter.

Levi was getting kind of pissed at this point and just needed to get the hell out of here before something stupid happened. He gave up glaring at the hysterical woman on his leg and turned back towards the door to find the solitude he so desperately needed at the moment. It was a short lived plan though. His steps and struggle stopped in an instant when that brunette with magical eyes appeared in front of him with a playful little smirk playing on those soft plump lips that shined slightly probably due to lip gloss or some other shit. Levi's entire body froze and the little hairs on his body stood up again, even the ones of his undercut, when the lithe sexy dancer leaned closer to him. Levi suppressed the shiver that threatened to move through him when he felt warm breath caress his ear.

"Come on sexy. I promise I'll be gentle when I take your lap dance virginity" the brunette purred in a whisper.

Levi's always on the point mind blanked horribly at that moment. Later he would blame it on the alcohol…and maybe peer pressure or some shit like that. He missed all the giggling and whistling and in a daze Levi let the young man lead him into the guest room. It was the sound of the door shutting and locking in place that snapped Levi out of his momentary hypnosis. He quickly stood up from the bed. Nope this was bad. So bad. He needed to get the fuck out of here right now.

The brunette seemed to notice his panicked state because he was quickly in front of Levi again pressing a long finger against Levi's thin parted lips. He leaned back towards Levi's ear slowly. "Shh…relax hot stuff…Let me take care of you…"

Levi didn't remember what happened next being too distracted by the warm body in front him and the sweet caramel smell wafting off of that lithe body. The fog lifted enough to realize that he was back to sitting on the bed with the brunette straddling his lap. His knees were on either side of Levi's hips. That tight little bum was rubbing all sorts of enticing little patterns against the front of Levi's black dress pants. Long thin muscled arms hanging loosely around Levi's neck. Long fingers playing gently with the strands of his black hair. Hot moist breath hitting the side of his sensitive neck leaving it with a burning tingling feelings. Levi let out a little groan when those perfect ass cheeks rubbed against him just right almost spreading teasingly to accommodate the rapidly hardening length beneath them. Levi's hands automatically flew to those slim hips. They were quickly removed by the brunette's hands closing around his thin wrists.

"Tut tut…no touching sweetheart…" the brunette said in that honeyed sweet voice of his. Levi opened his eyes slightly to look into that playful adorable face smirking at him. Green eyes glowing teasingly in the dim light. "Although you're so fucking hot I'm tempted to let some rules be broken…" The brunette released his wrists and trailed his finger feather light against Levi's flushed cheek irritating the slight stubble that existed. That dangerous little finger continued to trail down his neck down to his chest. "Hmm…" Levi threw his head back with hitched breathing when fingers started to rub and pinch at his nipple and slims hips ground aggressively against him. His hands clenched tightly to the bed sheets until his knuckles were white. "Just like that…" came the approving purr. Levi shuddered when he felt those soft lips ghost against the side of neck. A moan was torn from the brunette when he grinded a little too far forward and found friction against Levi's muscled abs. Levi's eyes flew open when he felt how hard the other male on top of him was. A breathy mocking chuckle escaped the man and the warm air against him caused Levi to shudder. "S-shit…Sorry about that…To be honest this is the first time I've ever gotten hard giving someone a lap dance…You're just the hottest person I've ever had the pleasure to grind on…Let me fix that for you…I don't want to make you uncomfortable…" Was Levi uncomfortable? Actually pretty far from it. He was too comfortable and apparently had lost all capability to speak. Fuck what was this sexy adorable man doing to him?

He had to suppress the needy shudder when the brunette removed the pressure on his body. He didn't have long to dwell on the loss of that beautiful ass because a moment later, it was back on him. The brunette had turned around in his lap. One leg was bent up on the mattress to help direct his movements allowing him to grind erotically against Levi. His back arched beautifully against Levi's chest. He reached behind him and buried his fingers back into Levi's hair.

Levi stared down that heavily breathing chest over the brunette's shoulder. He watched with lidded eyes how the muscles flexed and clenched as the brunette moved against him. His own hips had started to move on their own volition to match the grinding. Something caught his eye on a roll of hips and he noticed spaghetti thin straps riding up on the brunette's thin hips. Thong? Levi's tight held restraint snapped and his fingers wrapped themselves in the thin straps pulling them tight. The brunette let out a strangled squeak when he released the straps causing them to snap against that tan skin. Levi groaned in response and did it again and again.

A burning heat had long taken over his body and the steam had clouded up any rational thought processes. His fingers skimmed across the man's smooth abs. Breathy noises filled the room leaving the music barely decipherable beneath it. One of Levi's fingers bravely trailed under those tight briefs following the path of that thong strap. The fingers tightened painfully in his hair as the man writhed against him with small noises. All of a sudden hands grasped his wrists and yanked them away. Levi had a moment of clarity. Wasn't he told not to touch? But fuck that was damn near impossible with such a hot piece of ass grinding against him. Levi almost growled in frustration. It was too much temptation and he hadn't been laid in like forever. What did a person expect from him? He was only human after all. What happened next surprised the ever living day lights out of him causing him to raise an eyebrow in question.

The brunette had turned around to face him again and in the process had pushed Levi back down against the mattress. Levi looked up into the flushed panting face above him. Those green eyes glowing dangerously with a heat that sent more blood rushing southwards in Levi's body. When the brunette started practically riding him even more self-control snapped, the moment of clarity disappeared and Levi grasped at his hips tightly very much enjoying the ride. When the brunette leaned down and started nibbling at his earlobe and Levi rolled his head to the side to give the brunette more room to play. The brunette's hands were up his shirt touching his bare skin leaving burning trails behind. Levi's own hands weren't idle either. He was mapping every bump on the sweaty back above him. He was feelings those thigh muscles be put to use. Heavy panting against his neck left it moist and chilled when the brunette moved his mouth somewhere else.

Levi could feel his toes curling and the heat inside burning. He was so painfully hard and begging for some kind of relief. It was like the brunette read his mind and nimble fingers were working on the button and zipper of his pants. Levi let out a relieved sigh when those same fingers dove into his pants and stroked him urgently. After a couple of moments, the brunette let out a strangled moan and pushed himself hard against Levi's body. Levi could feel him pulsing against his hip. It was that second the heat that had been pooling in Levi exploded. He arched off the bed with a grunt and came into those expert fingers. After a strained moment, Levi fell back against the bed boneless. His lungs trying hard to get back the air he had lost. Levi felt the weight lift off of him and opened his eyes. The brunette was hovering over him with wide startled green eyes. His hands on either side of Levi's head. His knees on either side of Levi's hips. His mouth open and panting.

"S-shit…" the brunette said in a surprised voice. "Uhh…hey so… that didn't just happen alright? If anyone found out about how far this went, I could lose my job or worse…so…uhh…Our little secret kay?" He finished with a hesitant hopeful little smile.

Levi blinked up at him with furrowed brows as his fogged brain slowly came back to the present. When it did, he very much came to the realization that what just happened was practically prostitution considering the fact that this brunette was currently being paid for his services and had totally just stroked Levi off. Levi was a fucking detective for christ's sake. It was practically in his job description to stop prostitution. Levi's eyes went wide and he shoved the brunette off of him with maybe too much force. The brunette made a surprised noise followed by an oomph as he landed hard on the floor.

"H-hey! What the hell!?" the brunette said with indignation.

"You…you…" Levi started angrily. "How dare you? I'm pretty sure that was not part of your job. I can't believe I…What the actual fuck? Is this something you do often?"

The brunette got to his feet rubbing his sore backside. He looked at Levi with a glare. "Hey look I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let things go that far, but you're really fucking attractive and I kind of got distracted alright. As for if I've ever done anything like that before, no I've never done that before and I never will again. So can…you just…you know…not tell anyone about it?"

Levi let out a frustrated breath and turned away from man. He wrapped his arms around his chest defensively and tried to calm the fuck down. This wasn't so bad after all, right? It's not like they had sex or anything. Shit. Some fucking bachelorette party. The gentle hand on Levi's shoulder made him instantly freeze in his pacing.

"You alright?" the brunette asked him with concern.

Levi yanked his shoulder out of the grasp and glared at the male. "Hands off slut."

The brunette's brilliant green eyes opened wide with shock. In a heart's beat they started morphing into a look of pure anger. The brunette opened his mouth, but words dried up instantly when the door opened revealing a giggling grinning Hanji. Her brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail that swung from side to side pretty much just like her whole drunken frame.

"HEYYY GUYS!" Hanji cheered painfully loud. "Hooowww's it going? You've been in here for more than a couple of songs already. Practically a whole damn CD. Juusstt want to make sure you're both still alive." She sing songed as she pranced up to them and hung onto Levi's shoulders.

The brunette put on a charming little smile that did not reach his eyes. "It's going great sweetheart. Short grumpy pants over here has finally lost his lap dance virginity. Why don't you take him out there for a celebratory drink? I'll be out in a quick sec ok?"

"Okie dokie cutie patootie. See you in a hot sec" Hanji beamed and drug a very pissed Levi out of the room. Short grumpy pants? Hell fucking no. He was about to tear out of Hanji's iron grip when the warm liquid trailing down his leg very quickly pulled all of his attention back to his opened pants. He quickly dislodged himself saying he needed to use the restroom. Hanji's teasing comment of 'yeah you do' did not help Levi's through the roof irritation.

He needed to calm the fuck down. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin Isabel's evening, so as carefully as he could, he snuck out of the house and hid. Yes. Levi fucking Ackerman was hiding behind a bush on the side of the house like a fucking child to avoid talking to anyone. He wasn't sure how long he sat there resting his head against the blue siding of the house staring up into the stars, but it probably wasn't that long. When he heard the door opening, he quickly held his breath. His ears strained for noise trying to block out the hammering in his chest. This was worse than a fucking stake out. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Yo Rein's can I bum a cig?" Levi recognized that voice immediately.

"Tha ya quit" came the muffled deep voice belonging to Mr. Steroid.

"Yeah well I fucking hate this job and need to calm my fucking nerves before I go home."

"Alright here. I didn't think tonight was too bad. Those ladies were a hoot." Queue deep chuckle. God did Levi not like this man.

"The ladies were fine. It was that short little prick." Levi was a stone throw away from leaving his hiding place to beat some respect into that punk's face. Short little prick. How fucking dare he?

Queue more deep chuckling. "Sure it was that bad? You were gone quite a long time and he was so totally your type. Grouchy and sarcastic asshole all wrapped up in a hot little package."

The brunette groaned. "I will seriously kick your ass if you don't shut up right now."

Queue barking laughter. "I'd like to see you try pretty boy." Actually Levi wouldn't mind seeing that either. Could the little shit hold his own or would he get pummeled into the ground?

Levi didn't get to hear the rest of the conversation as they were already pretty much out of earshot and the rest became a garbled mess filled with laughter and grumbling. He sat there for a little bit longer before venturing back inside. He sighed in defeat to see Hanji sprawled out on the couched passed out. Isabel was lying over the coffee table. Her drool pooling disgustingly on the wood surface. Petra was drinking a glass of ice water and smiled at him sweetly. She beckoned him to the kitchen and handed him a glass as well. He joined her at sitting at the breakfast bar on the green cushioned stools.

"Sooo…" she started lightly. "Have some fun tonight?"

Levi scowled at her and she giggled. He was just happy that it was finally over. As he laid in the guest bed that had been the scene of his earlier little exploit, a little sense of guilt crept up his stomach. He was sober enough that he remembered everything in perfect detail. He had to admit that what happened was kind of his fault too. Maybe. The stripper had told him no touching, but Levi let himself get carried away and very much did touch. Just the thought of that supple yet hard body moving against him panting and those glowing green eyes gazing at him, already had Levi getting hard again. Fuck that punk was too fucking adorably attractive. God dammit. It should be illegal. Levi groaned in irritation. Not that it would matter in the long run. He would never see him ever again.

x-o-x-o

A week later Levi found himself walking up some rundown cement steps that led up to a rundown house near the university. The brown paint was flecking off painfully on the wooden siding. The front window's glass was splintered in one corner. Levi pushed down his disgust. Of course the house looked like this. Every house near the university that harbored university students looked like this. The landlords never spent the necessary money for upkeep figuring the partying youth would destroy it anyways. Levi wrinkled his nose when he got up to the crappily white painted door and knocked. He wouldn't be here for the life of him if it wasn't for the fact that he was visiting a long lost cousin of his that he so happened to run into at a local pub where she worked and he was following a lead to get some crappy criminals.

He heard some shouting on the other side of the door and waited patiently. The door flew open a moment later. In the doorway was a beautiful exposed tan torso covered with paint splatters of a myriad of colors. A pair of ripped jeans hung loose and low on slim hips. Brown fluffy hair was mussed up in all direction. Soft lips were parted in surprise, but what really got Levi were those wide brilliant green eyes.

"Oh hell fucking no" the brunette said angrily and slammed the door in Levi's face.