IronBat friendship one-shot

AN for this fic i'm just going to pretend that civil war never happened. This is AU. also I don't own batman or the avengers. This is just a cracky little one-shot, so the characters are kinda OOC but I already wrote it sooo. I hope someone enjoys this. Read on my fellow humans. :)

It was just a regular day at the avengers tower when it happened.

The only thing that was different about today, was that they hadn't seen Tony in about 11 days. Tony normally spends an unusual (for a normal person) amount of time in his lab, usually about 3 or 4 days, when he was working on something, he wouldn't eat much, would mainly just streamline coffee until he was finished with whatever he was working on. This was a normal thing.

However it had been about a week and a half, and they were getting worried, Jarvis made sure that he was getting and eating the food that Steve would leave outside the door to his lab, Jarvis had also assured them that this happened sometimes, and until it got serious enough that Tony was hurting himself they couldn't do anything.

So that morning as they all sat around the table eating the breakfast that Dr. Banner had made, and worrying about Tony, because despite the assurances from Jarvis that Tony was eating and drinking enough to keep him alive, they had all come to think of him as family. And that just because you were alive doesn't mean that you're okay.

Natasha and Clint had just gotten back from a mission for S.H.I.E.L.D, when everyone had just started to worry that Tony hadn't come up from his lab yet, they were supposed to leave again, but had decided to decline the mission until they knew Tony was okay. Between then and now they had tried everything they knew to try and get Tony to emerge from his lab, they tried the code he had given them in case they ever needed to get into his lab without him there, denied.

Steve tried the emergency code that Tony had given him for emergencies, denied.

They had all tried to get Jarvis to open the door, the same response every time, "until sir gives me permission to let you in, I can't, and until sir is a danger to himself, I can't do anything either." After that they had tried to figure out what Jarvis would do when Tony was a danger to himself.

He did clarify though, that by a danger to himself, he didn't mean suicidal, just so focused on his work that he stopped taking care of himself.

That day around noon, they were just lounging around the common room, brainstorming ways to get Tony to get upstairs, when it happened.

Bruce wayne POV

I can't believe that Tony is doing this again, I mean it is Tony, so I can believe that he's doing this again, but I thought he was past this, it had been a whole year since J had to call me up to get Tony out of his lab. Although I am a little upset that I was going to have to leave Gotham, I know that Nightwing and Robin can take care of it until I can come home again. I also just realised that I haven't seen Tony since the last time I was up there to drag his sorry ass out of his lab. As I made the drive up I called Jarvis to check up on Tony " hello sir" he greeted warmly

"Hi Jarvis, how's T doing?" I asked

"He has become so focused on his work, that he is no longer eating or sleeping, he hasn't been for 4 days now." Jarvis reported with exasperated fondness

"Ok, my ETA is about 1 hour now, bye"

"Goodbye sir"

Third person POV

By now the avengers brainstorming had devolved into Clint throwing out more and more insane ideas, the latest being that they make Bruce so angry that he hulks out and breaks into Tony's lab. Nobody else was on board with that idea, to diffuse the situation some, Jarvis decided to tell them that his plan was much better and would be here within the hour. Now they all had confused looks on their faces, Steve spoke up first "who is on their way here Jarvis?"

"Sir's best friend"

"Tony has friends!? Other than us I mean." Clint asked

"Yes, did you think I was the only one to keep him alive all these years?" Jarvis asked with no small amount of disbelief coloring his words

Clint started sputtering, immediately defensive at the implication that they hadn't thought about that. They hadn't.

40 minutes of small talk and mindless chatter later, and they all stilled at the sound of the elevator stopping on their floor, they all sat in tense silence, wondering who was on the other side of the doors. They all stared in disbelief when none other than Bruce Wayne exited the elevators. dressed down in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, they almost didn't recognise the man, who was almost always seen wearing a suit. He entered the room with a bright grin on his face and nicely asked which lab Tony was in.

Steve was the first to speak, he told him which lab he was in and then tried to introduce himself, to which he was promptly ignored. This made the rest of them curious, as no one thus far had been immune to the Capsicle's inherent manners. So they decided to follow Wayne, to see what he would do next.

Bruce Wayne POV

When I got on the elevator to go to the main floor of Tony's tower, Jarvis let me know that all of the avengers were assembled in the common room, I sighed deciding to get that over with before going and retrieving Tony.

As I plastered on my Brucie Wayne face, I also took a moment to look down at what I was wearing, jeans and tee. I had been looking forward to a relaxing day at home, before a hopefully quiet night out on patrol with Damian. I hadn't even thought about changing my clothes, I was too caught up in my thoughts about why Tony was falling back into bad habits.

I was brought out of my reverie by the dinging of the elevator, telling me I was at my floor. As I walked into the room filled with avengers, I decided the direct route should do for now, I was more focused on getting Tony to sleep and eat, than I was about his team liking me.

"What lab can I find Tony in?" I asked politely, ignoring the disbelief etched into some of their faces. The Captain was the first to respond, getting up and telling me where Tony was, before trying to introduce himself. I ignored him. I knew which lab he was talking about, so as I made my way to the lab, I ignored the telltale sounds of them getting up to follow me, choosing instead to just take care of Tony first.

When I got to the door I put in my code, the door clicked open to reveal tony sitting at his workbench half-asleep, going over the blueprints to something, mumbling to himself. As I strode inside, I heard the avengers following me again, ignoring it, again, I walked right up to Tony. "Hey T"

He spun around so fast i'm surprised he didn't get whiplash, a dopey grin spread across his face "Brucie bear! It's been forever! Why are you here?" He asked suddenly suspicious. "It's been 4 days since you've eaten or slept, Jarvis called me"

He pouted "i'm fine" he stated petulantly "i'll sleep when i'm dead"

"Come on Tony, you're going to eat, then you're going to bed, and then we are going to talk"

He crossed his arms "No, i'll come up when i'm done"

Guess we're doing this the hard way. As I walked closer to Tony he must have realised what I was going to do. "No no no, i'm fine B, don't you dare!"

I ignored him as I picked him up and threw him over my shoulder, this is not the first time i've had to do this because Tony was being stubborn to the point of injury. He continued to protest as I turned around and started making my way to the communal kitchens. The avengers followed in stunned silence the whole way, when I got there I dumped Tony on a chair at the table and told him to stay, he was now pouting harder than ever before.

I shot him a look as I made my way into the kitchen to make him an omelette. The avengers, still silent, sat at the table with a pouting Tony Stark. When I was finished making the omelette I placed it down in front of Tony and told him to eat it, I also got him a bottle of water seeing as I know he had been drinking enough coffee for a small army. He apparently decided that it was no longer worth the effort to keep pouting at me, as he picked up his fork he grumbled that I didn't need to keep doing that every time he didn't listen to me.

"Yeah well, I wouldn't have to do keep doing that, if you would just admit that i'm always right and do as I say" I replied with a cheeky grin, he rolled his eyes.

"Did you even introduce yourself before you came in and dragged me away from my very important work?"

"No"

"Of course not, why would you do that?" he turned to his team who seemed to still be processing what was happening

"Guys, this is my bestest friend in the whole universe, Brucie bear!"

"It's Bruce Wayne" I deadpanned, because really Tony, do you have to introduce me as Brucie Bear?

This time it was Natasha who spoke first

"how come Tony has never mentioned you before?" she asked

"It never came up" he answered for me

The rest of their questions would have to wait, Tony had finished eating and now he was going to bed. "Bed T" I stated in a growl close to my batman voice

"But, I wanna know how everyone's doin, hows Timmy? Or the demon? And Dick? And Jay? Come on Brucie, I don't wanna go to bed" he whined

"Sleep, we can talk later, i'm not going anywhere"

Third person POV

As Bruce followed Tony to make sure he would actually go to bed, the avengers waited in the kitchen for bruce to come back, questions brimming.

When Bruce finally did come back it was a good 20 minutes later, Tony took forever to fall asleep. He had already prepared himself for the barrage of questions that flew at him when he re-entered the kitchen

"How come we've never heard about you?"

"Why do you have the code to get into Tony's lab?"

"How long have you and Tony been friends?"

"Can you make me an omelette?" that one was Clint

"Who is the demon Tony asked about?"

"If you're Tony's best friend, why is this the first time we've met you?"

"Is Tony going to be okay?"

"How long are you staying?"

"Okay! Relax! If you would shut up i'll answer your questions" Bruce yelled, somewhat annoyed. They all quieted down, waiting for him to speak.

"Like Tony said earlier, you've never heard about me because it never came up. I have the code to get into Tony's lab because I am one of the very few people who can make Tony do things he doesn't want to do, like get out of his lab and take care of himself. Me and Tony have been friends since we were kids. I will not make you an omelette because I don't want to. The demon is my youngest son. This is the first time you've met me because in case you don't remember there was an alien invasion last year, and Tony has been kinda busy with rebuilding his tower, and New York. Tony will be fine, he does this sometimes, he just needed someone to kick his ass into gear. I'll be staying until I leave. If that's all, i'm going down to the gym, come get me when Tony wakes up."

And then he left.

The Avengers, still confused as to what just happened and what had been happening for the last hour, decided to send Clint on a fact finding mission, through the vents, armed with a tablet so he could livestream what was happening.

Three hours later

Clint had fallen asleep in the vents with the camera propped up so the rest of the Avengers could see what was happening. They were dumbfounded, he had been working out for the last three hours, and nothing interesting had happened, aside from the fact that he had been working out for the last three hours straight.

They were bored and ready to give up by the time anything interesting happened, he took his shirt off, and his body was littered with scars, everywhere.

"Some of those are from getting tortured" Natasha said

"How the hell-" Steve was cut off by Tony entering the gym

They all stared intently at the screens, waiting for some incriminating evidence against this weird man.

"You know Barton is asleep in the vents with a camera livestreaming to the rest of them?" Bruce said

"Yeah I figured, so what do you think? Do you like my team? I mean I know you think that nobody will ever be as good as your team, but?"

"Yes Tony, I do like them, Barton reminds me of Dick"

"I know, when I found out he had been raised in a circus too, I had to wonder if they were related" Tony said chuckling "they aren't, I checked"

"I know, I checked too"

"Can I tell them!?" Tony suddenly begged with a cheerful smile on his face

"No" Bruce answered resolutely

"B, I wanna tell them! They won't tell anyone else I promise. They are really good at keeping secrets. Two of them are spies!" he whined

"No" he answered

"You know i'm just gonna keep hinting at it until they figure it out" Tony said

"Why am I friends with you again?" Bruce asked

"Because, I'm awesome, and you love me. So do your kids, they would rebel if you tried to take away uncle Tony." he replied cheekily

"They don't love you that much" Bruce deadpanned

"I'm really hurt by that B, and they do love me that much because I bring them fun things. And I let them do things that you don't"

"How are they by the way? I heard that Dick 'fell' out of a tree a couple weeks ago and broke his arm"

"Jason pushed him out of the tree, and he will be fine with a little more rest"

"What about the Demon? When was the last time he tried to kill anyone?"

"It has been years since Damian has killed anyone, you know that. Stop hating on my son just because he finds you unsophisticated and overall lacking"

"I will continue to be mean to your son because he is really mean. And the first time I met him he tried to stab me, and I would be willing to move past that, but then he kept trying to kill me for months. Also your other children like me, and they haven't tried to kill me, except Jason, but he had a really good excuse, and it was only once." Tony ranted

"He has changed, maybe if you tried to get past the attempted murder, and stopped instigating fights whenever you're around him, he wouldn't be mean to you."

"Whatever, did you bring me any cookies from Alfie?" Tony questioned

"No, I would have, but Jarvis said that it was urgent and you hadn't slept in 4 days" Brice said with an accusing tone.

"Still not a valid excuse, next time bring the goods" Tony said

"Oh, I almost forgot, I finished the sparring robot for you!" Tony said with excitement dripping from his voice

"Let me try it out, i'm warmed up already" Bruce said with a hint of excitement in his voice.

Tony excitedly brought out his new sparring robot. He had programmed it to use all styles of fighting. And there were different levels so that you could start out slow if you wanted to warm up.

As Tony set up the Robot in the ring he called out to Clint who was still in the vents.

"Tell everyone to get their asses down here, they have to watch this in person!" he yelled.

By the time all of the avengers had assembled in the gym, Bruce was getting back from refilling his water bottle in the kitchen, and Tony had finished making sure that everything was set up right on the robot.

"What level should I start you at?" Tony asked Bruce

"Start him at a low level, I saw Nat sparring that the other day and she made it to level ten before she was pinned." Clint said

"There are only ten levels" Tony pointed out

"Yeah, but once I upped it to level ten it took her down immediately." Clint said

"Start me off at level eight and we'll work our way up from there" Bruce said

"Are you sure you aren't getting slow in your old age, we could always start at level one." Tony teased

"I'm 32 Tony, and level eight is fine"

Bruce stepped into the ring with a concentrated look in his eyes and took off his shirt again.

"Oh come on! That's just cheating, no distracting people with all of your freaking muscles!" Tony called out in mock outrage

"It's a robot T, I don't think my muscles are going to distract it." Bruce grumbled

Tony started up the robot and they all watched as Bruce easily blocked and struck the robot, Tony then turned it up to a level 9, same thing, level 10, nothing was getting past him. The only reaction at all way that he looked to be sweating.

After about 15 minutes of this, Tony turned the robot off.

"It's a good workout T, but you need some more levels, all the boys would win against this. I want something that can beat them, it'll challenge them to do better" Bruce stated

"Come on, I made something that can beat a ninja assassin but not you? Seriously? I thought I had the upper hand, with you getting old and all" Tony whined

"Just because it can beat a ninja assassin, doesn't mean it can beat Batman." Bruce said with a smirk, as he strolled out of the gym.

"Bruce wayne is Batman" Clint said with wonder lacing his voice

"Holy shit! You know Batman and you didn't tell us. Why didn't you try and get him on the avengers?" Clint blurted out

"None of you asked if I knew Batman, and Batsy isn't in the Avengers because he kept saying no when I asked him." Tony answered

"This is awesome!" Clint said, just a little starstruck

AN thoughts? Good? Bad? Meh? Lemme know what you think. :)