As always: DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fanfiction using characters from the Twilight world, which is trademarked by Stephenie Meyer. I do not claim ownership of the characters or the world that I'm playing with. This is a work of my twisted imagination and is not purported or believed to be part of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight canon. This story is for entertainment purposes only. I am not profiting financially from the creation or publication of this story or any of the others that I post.

Bella becomes a heroin addict after being abandoned by the people she loved the most. Rated M for Mature Content. AU Twi-Uverse. The name of the title is from a song by Butcher Babies.

Use and abuse of drugs is strong in this story. If you struggle with addiction or know someone who is, please contact 1-877-998-9897 or visit www . drugabuse . com (without the spaces) and seek the help you need.

Mr. Slowdeath

The front door slammed shut after I crossed the threshold. Work was a bitch every day but today it seemed like everything was out to get me. The coffee pots wouldn't stop overflowing, the sugar jar broke when I tried to twist the top off to fill it, the customers were complete ass munchers. Working in retail was not fun in the least.

Well, unless Maggie was working. The adorable, Irish vampire kept me on my toes all day long with witty retorts and sneaky pranks. She only worked 4 days a week though and today was not one of those days. When Maggie applied to the convenience store and got hired, I almost quit on the spot. How Mrs. Mallory couldn't see that there was something odd about the orange haired Caoimhe, I couldn't fathom. There was no way I would be able to deal with having an invasion of vampires again. Of course, being a supernatural being with heightened senses, Maggie knew I feared her and cornered me the second day we worked together after keeping a keen eye on me throughout the shift.

The clouds hung densely in the air outside the store and I had never been more thankful that Steve, Mrs. Mallory's husband, had gotten the air conditioning fixed before summer set in. Last summer he hadn't bothered because 'it's Forks' and it doesn't get hot enough. Yes well, that's only if you don't work in a stifling, tiny convenience store that cooks food on an almost constant basis!

As I was shelving chips on the rack and going through expiration dates, Maggie approached me with extreme caution. My heart leapt into my throat and my breathing sped up. Each step she took closer to me had me almost hyperventilating as flashes of the Cullens and Edward appeared in my mind. I swallowed hard in horrified anticipation. Her first day and most of today she had avoided me, knowing I was scared to death of her so why in the fuck was she coming to me now? I stood from my task and looked around the store, seeing if maybe she needed help with a customer but the place was empty.

With her hands up in supplication, Maggie smiled timidly and in her thick Irish accent, spoke quietly. "There's no need to fear me, lass. I promise you won't get nothing banjaxed from me." Her voice was a deep alto with a husky edge to it, making her sound seductive without trying.

A bag of chips was still in my hand and the noise it made when my fingers flexed seemed loud in the otherwise quiet store. To Maggie though, I'm sure between the air conditioning unit, the frialator, my arrhythmia and heavy breathing, it sounded like an earthquake was happening. The short, inhumanly beautiful Irish woman continued to stare at me with her strange blue-purple eyes and I knew I should probably answer her, though she didn't technically ask me a question. Anything was better than staring at her like a loon, I suppose.

"Um, yeah. Okay." I stuttered with a blush.

"Why do I scare you so?" She asked, taking a step toward me, standing underneath the air vent. The cool, blowing air caused her sweet Heather and moss scent to billow toward me, her long, tight orange curls ruffling in the fake breeze. Her body language told me she was trying to come off as soothing but I still felt like a rabbit in the crosshairs of a jaguar.

I couldn't tell her about my experience with vampires. There was no way I could let her know what I'd been through or even that I had an iota of clue to what she was. Unfortunately, the knowledge lay in her eyes and I knew that my heartbeat and erratic breathing had outed me if the looks on my face hadn't.

"Shit." I muttered as I placed the last chip bag on the rack and looked at my new co-worker. Taking a fortifying breath, I met her eyes. Just as I was about to out myself further and give her my explanation, Maggie held up a hand.

"Not here." Her eyes darted to the cameras and my previous suspicions that there was audio as well as video being recorded was confirmed. I nodded silently. "Just wanted to reassure ya that I won't be giving you any trouble."

Was she giving me an out? She wasn't going to kill me? It was extremely obvious to me that she feeds from humans. The contacts were a poor rendition of 'normal' and though others may find it adorable, I knew the terrifying truth of why she wore them. Nodding her head to me, Maggie returned to the front of the store when the bell rang, notifying us that someone had entered. I stood there in a daze for several more minutes until an order was called in, trying to shake myself from my mind.

I needed to chase the dragon but there was still some morals left in me. I don't use when I'm at work. The rest of the day passed with silent, sneaky -yeah right- glances at the vampire and she was a good sport about it. Maggie pretended not to notice my not-so-subtle stares and continued on with work until the end of our shift. When we closed the store for the night, I thought for sure she would trap me into telling her what I knew but just like her first day, she waved with a bright smile, careful not to show her scary teeth, and went on her merry way.

The next few times we worked together, my nerves eased up because she never brought up how I knew about vampires, though it had to be painfully obvious that I did. She simply made friends with me and as leery as I was to do so at first, I learned that Maggie Ó Ceallaigh was a delightful person. One other time she cornered me and for some reason, even after being placated that she wouldn't hound me for my knowledge of her world, I was scared again. Scared because every time she came near me, images of the other vampires that had been in my life manifested in my mind's eye and left me a quivering mess.

I should have been scared, but for a completely different reason.

Her nostrils flared and her delicate orange eyebrows dipped to the bridge of her nose in a scowl. "Young lass, I'll tell you one thing right now. You're going to get help or so help me God, I'll turn you myself so you can't continue to kill yourself." The words were growled deep in her chest as she walked me to my car at the end of the night and I pressed myself to the driver's side door with an indignant expression.

Obviously she could smell the smack had been running through my veins and felt that since we were friends now, she could tell me what to do.

"What I do on my own time is my business." I said as confidently as I could, trying to stifle the tremor in my voice. My fingers shook as I fumbled with my car keys. It didn't pass my attention that she threatened to change me into a vampire. Did she take the change that lightly? I remember the Cullens being all righteous about it, like it was the last case scenario. Would I even want to become a vampire now?

"You and I have a lot to discuss. I cannot let you belt yourself just because you're bolloxed up!"

"It's a damn good thing that it isn't your business then." Quickly unlocking my car and jumping in, I keyed the ignition and spun out of the dirt parking lot. I knew that had Maggie wanted to, she could have stopped me and forced me to listen to her but she didn't.

After that, she would give me a stern lecture every time I saw her. I ignored her and she would stomp her foot with a 'Snobby Weather!', to which I would laugh from the kitchen of the convenience store. Her slang was so hilarious sometimes. We quickly formed a bond that was tentative at first with her lectures and my indignance and solidified into something more the longer we worked together. She kept me smiling and made the workday bearable.

Except today. She wasn't there and everything went wrong. The auto lock slid into place when the door slammed shut and I stomped my way down the empty hall to my bedroom where my stash was hidden. The spoon was dirty but I didn't care. The scat was left out, unprotected, but I didn't care. Ripping off my long sleeved shirt, I sat in my bra and jeans and smoothed my hand down my forearm, smacking at the inside of my elbow before getting my shot ready. Grabbing my shirt and using the sleeve to wrap tightly around my arm, I injected the H into my vein and immediately let go of the syringe. It hung off my skin, the head of the needle still inside of me, as I laid back onto my pillow and turned on my side.

The euphoric high raced through my body, making my mind sluggish which was exactly the antidote to the stress in my life. There were no thoughts of Edward and his family, no worries about the damn coffee pots at work, or thoughts of Maggie and all the reminders she brings with her presence alone. Only a pleasurable feeling that cascaded me into a dreamless sleep.

Hours later, in the wee hours of the morning, I came to and opened my eyes, blinking the drowsy sleep from them. Blearily looking around my quaint, messy bedroom, I let awareness envelop me before I even attempted to get up. Noticing that I hadn't vomited was a bonus, I cleaned up from my latest escapade. After a shower, I tossed the dirty clothes on the floor along with the shirt I had used as a tourniquet. Wading through the balled up papers and other mounds of dirty laundry on the floor, I left my bedroom to find sustenance. I was scheduled off for the next two days and made a note to clean my home. The tiny duplex sat on the outskirts of Forks near Shuwah on Gaykeski Drive by the Sol Duc River. When Charlie was gunned down in a robbery outside Misty Valley Inn B n' B, I used the life insurance money to put his house up for sale and buy the duplex. After moving in, I put up the other half of the place for rent and was pleased when a reclusive female came to call. I never saw hide nor hair of her and it was perfect for me. I got the rent on time and didn't have to deal with children or males. It was a very small building, each side only having 2 small bedrooms, living room, eat in kitchen, and a bathroom; with moss colored siding with cream trim. It had been newly updated which had drawn my eye in the first place and on the opposite side of town of La Push. I hadn't wanted to be anywhere near my ex-best friend who had left me high and dry after promising never to leave me. It's been nearly 2 years since I've even spoken to him.

Living alone without any friends got lonely but so long as my dude continued to supply my habit and I didn't have to deal with outsiders, I was content in my solitude. My dude actually delivered to my house once every month with bars large enough for me to deal with on my own. The rent from next door kept me abreast on the situation which meant the money I received from work went straight into the bank account along with Charlie's pension. I hate to think about my father. When I think about him, I remember how I let him down during the last few months of his life. I remember how Mom blamed me for his death, stating that if I hadn't been as comatose a vegetable then my father's mind would have been on the job and not on me. I remember how I'm nothing anymore. That Jake, Jess, Ang, and even Mike Newton thought I was nothing. Worthless. Even Mrs. Newton fired me. Everyone felt just like Edward had before he decided to break my heart deep in the wilderness of the Forks forest.

The all-too familiar stabbing pain of abandonment pierced my heart and I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep my ribs from splitting out of my body.

"Just a pinch." I said out loud. "Nothing serious."

It didn't matter how often I reminded myself that there was no reason to believe Edward, it didn't ring true. How could it when everyone else left me? My friends had decided that I wasn't worth trying to talk sense into, instead choosing to leave me to my own devices. Jake had been the only one there for me and the day after he promised never to hurt me, never to leave me...He did. So how could I recognize my own words as truths when they were so clearly lies?

My bare feet took me down the empty hallway once more without conscious thought as they always did when my brain got overwhelmed from the pain. The familiar motions of liquidizing the small chunk of bar eased me. Stuffing a cottonball onto the spoon and sticking the needle into it, I pulled the plunger out, watching the cotton act as a filter for impurities in the sugar. Once it was filled, I set the spoon down and lifted the syringe needle side up and flicked the plastic to rid the bubbles. After I was sure I wouldn't get an aneurysm -though that would probably be a good way to go- I stabbed my vein quickly, pulling the needle out and releasing the tourniquet. Just a pinch. That was all I needed. Stumbling out of the bedroom, I tripped more than usual as the high consumed me. The walls seemed more like waves as I tried to get to the kitchen. I needed something to drink. I didn't end up making it to the kitchen before I landed on my face at the entry, my nose bleeding onto the light blue linoleum as I passed out.

"Ugh." I moaned as I tilted my forehead on hard, cold floor. My nose throbbed and pulsed as I lifted my head and I knew I would need painkillers of the OTC kind.

Standing up, I stumbled my way to the bathroom to view the damage and winced when I came face to face with a ghost. My eyes were hollow without the mask of makeup and they looked dead. Blood caked my upper lip in trails from my nostrils before running over my right cheek where I'd passed out. Grabbing a washcloth, I scrubbed my face clean with coconut scented soap and then brushed out my hair. I didn't look any better but I felt it. Since I didn't have to work, I didn't bother with putting on my mask and headed to the kitchen with the same damp cloth to clean the blood off the floor. Tossing the rag in my bedroom to land where it wanted as I went in, I stripped my tee from the sweat-damp one I was wearing and pulled on a black tank top. The a/c was set to 75 to take the worst of the heat off and still not be overly chilly. I slipped on a pair of thin flannel pajama pants and sat heavily on the couch, wondering if I should bother cleaning or not.

The house stunk to high heaven though. The odors of rotting food came from the kitchen, stale clothes from the bedroom, molding coffee in the living room. The windows were grimy and the floors were sticky. Even the couch stuck to my back when I leaned against the cushions. Slamming my head into the cushions, I groaned quietly in procrastination. All I wanted to do was laze about staring at the computer or television before I could get high again. I liked giving myself some awareness time before injecting again because I didn't like the muddled feeling that enveloped my head all the time. I only needed it when times got too rough in my brain. Or when Maggie reminded me of people I'd rather forget.

That was one thing I really couldn't stand about how he had left me. "The human mind is a sieve." Fucking liar. I was never forgetting him, unfortunately. Even the heroin wasn't going to help that...At least not when I wasn't in the throes of a high. I could only be thankful that it made his voice disappear.

Deciding that I could kill two birds with one stone, I put the television on Gilmore Girls reruns and got my ass up. The house really could use a good douching. Grabbing the vacuum, I started with that. I used to be such a clean freak; never liking my clothes to be wrinkled, keeping the house dusted and sparkling. After the Cullens left and then when Charlie died, I stopped caring. I got out of my father's house as quick as I could to get away from the memories, both good and bad, and made a life for myself. Granted, it wasn't a good life. I had a part time job that lingered closer to full time hours than not, my own home, my own car, no friends, and a heroin addiction. Putting the vacuum away, I grabbed the Pledge and a dust cloth, going to town on the small amount of knick knacks and photos I had as well as the furniture.

I remember the first time I tried H like it was yesterday. After traveling to Seattle, intent on finding a local bookstore and more furniture for my new place and realizing I was being chased by Victoria, I ducked into a crowded supermarket and dialed Jake. It was the only thing I could think to do in my terrified state of mind. He hadn't talked to me for a few months, stating that he couldn't be my friend anymore. It had killed me because Charlie had died only a few weeks before and Jake was literally the only thing holding me together. Billy had answered and I could hear the reluctance in his tone before he heard how scared I was and he called out for Jake. I heard a muffled few words exchanged before my old best friend greeted me over the line warily.

"Jake, I need help! I'm being followed and I can't leave!" I knew in my frantic state of mind that I shouldn't be bringing him into danger with me. It would have probably been better to let Victoria get me and be done with it but for some reason my sense of self preservation had come on full force.

"What's going on, Bells?" He asked and for a moment it sounded like he was really concerned. My heart cracked at the use of my nickname.

"She's coming to get me, Jake! I'm going to die!" My harsh, horror filled whisper rent the air around me and down through the connection on the phone before a sharp inhale was heard.

"Who." Jake demanded authoritatively.

I couldn't very well tell Jake about vampires. He'd have me locked up for sure and with Charlie gone, he was the only one I cared about anymore, even if he didn't care about me. I went with the most believable thing I could think of at the moment, which in hindsight was actually pretty stupid and I realize he had every right not to believe me.

"I have a stalker, Jake. She's threatened to kill me and now she's followed me."

Apparently my angst had been enough to get Jake moving because I heard his Rabbit start up. "I'm on my way, Bells. Where are you?"

"Seattle. At the Big Mart on Lexington." I told him frantically. I knew it was a four hour drive and I would have to hole up here the whole time but I didn't care. So long as the psycho vampire didn't go and kill every human here to get to me, I would be safe.

I heard the screech of tires before the car door slammed shut, signalling that he was no longer in the car. "Jesus Christ, you couldn't be further away could you!" He cried angrily. "I'll be there soon."

As I was about to protest, because how the hell would he be here soon if he wasn't driving, he broke the connection and I was left clutching my cell until the dial tone disrupted my fear. How the fuck was I going to make it out of this alive? I got ahold of myself from the corner of the bathroom stall in which I'd called him from and splashed water on my face at the sink. White as a ghost, my eyes were wide and scared, my fingers shaking as I toweled off my face. Leaning against the porcelain sink in the public bathroom, I took a few deep, steadying breaths before pushing off and heading for the door. The bustle of people in the busy supermarket left me feeling a little more secure and I lost myself to window shopping as I strolled around. My heart was still racing though and every time I saw her flaming red hair dance outside or on the skylight at the top of the store, I felt like I would suffocate. She was teasing me with her sneering grins and little finger waves. I was like a mouse in a cage that she was toying with.

It had been about an hour and a half before I sat on the bench at the back of the store by the restrooms, waiting for time to pass. I still had so long before Jake would be here and I was so thankful he was coming. Leaning my head against the wall behind me, I stared up at the skylight. Normally in stores, the skylights are foggy to let light in yet to keep it from shining too brightly on the shoppers. These ones though were clear as day, freshly washed and sparkling, like the ones at large malls so shoppers could watch the dark gray clouds as they floated by. I bet it was entrancing to watch the rain pour down on it.

I don't know how long I sat there, fretting and staring but suddenly, Victoria's triumphant face appeared on the other side of the skylight and I gasped in fright as she waved at me from above. Hating to take my eyes off her but needing to see if anyone was around, I realized that I was indeed in a rarely used part of the store and looked up at her with defeat. At least if she was going to grab me, no one else would get hurt. Though my stomach twisted and my heart lodged itself in my throat so I couldn't scream, I let fate decide for me. There was no way I could outrun her and if I tried to head for a more crowded area, I knew she would just follow me until she got me alone again.

Fuck it.

Nodding my head at her, I saw her lips pull into a crooked sneer and she balled her hand into a fist, preparing to smash the thick plexiglass to gain access to my delicious blood. Before her hand could make contact however, she looked up, ahead of herself, her eyes widening with horror and realization before a thick, dark red animal of some sort collided with her. The animal knocked her out of my view but the rumble on the roof of the supermarket was loud as thunder and shook the place like an earthquake. Which is exactly what people thought as they started to scramble and holler out. The lights flickered and an alarm was blaring, forcing me to cover my ears even as I ran through the store toward the front, keeping an eye on the ceiling and skylights for the red haired demon or the red furred animal.

What kind of animal could move a vampire like that? It literally knocked her out of the way and seemed to tackle her if the sounds from the roof were any indication. People scurried and shoved as they screamed and fought their way out the doors of the store in a panic while I continued to hold my hands over my ears and search above me. I saw a flash of red fur near the front of the building's skylight and stopped my feet, staring at the sky. Victoria didn't follow the animal and there was no more noise -aside from the people rushing away. The lights stopped flickering but the alarm kept blaring and I heard one employee on the phone with the police. She was reporting an earthquake with other employees gathered around her to corroborate her story. My hands fell from my ears as the manager unlocked an electrical box and switched off the alarm fuse. The store was a ghost town now, with forgotten shopping carts and overturned kiosk aisles. It was a mess and I started walking toward the exit in a daze. Now that the store was practically empty, there was no reason for Victoria to hold off her attack on me.

The automatic doors split open for my departure and I stood outside and to the right of them, waiting for the vindictive vampire to make her move. A whiff of smoke caught my attention and I looked around before looking up. It looked as if the smoke was coming from the building and I ran out to the middle of the parking lot to see what was going on.

"Shit!" I ran back inside and reported the black fire to the manager of the store who got back on the phone with the police to report it.

When I got back outside and walked to the middle of the parking lot again, making sure I was out of the way of fire trucks and police cruisers as they started showing up, I noticed the flames were purple. They rose high in the sky and only in one point on the building and I wondered what the hell was burning up there. The scent, as it blew my way, was sweet, almost sickly.

It couldn't be Victoria. Would animal fur burn purple? Surely the thing that tackled her wasn't strong enough to beat her -or set her on fire if it had- so maybe animal fur was the explanation? I racked my brain but the only thing that made sense was vampire. Maybe she had an accomplice that she decided she didn't need anymore. It was a risk, certainly, to burn him here and cause all of this attention.

"There you are!" Jake's relieved voice shocked me and I spun, throwing myself into his arms, forgetting I was mad at him. "You're okay now. I promise, nothing will hurt you now."

His words didn't make sense and reminded me why I was mad all at once. Pushing away from him, I laughed humorlessly. "Oh yes, you and your promises." Looking around and not seeing his car, I said, "So how are we getting back?" I knew I was being rude, he'd come all this way but I was angry with him and running on fumes after this encounter. Not to mention I wasn't sure that was Victoria burning up there at all.

"I'll drive your car." He grabbed my hand and I got towed behind him as he walked a fast pace, now mad at me for snapping at him. "This is the thanks I get." He grumbled as he pulled open the door of the old brown Honda and shoved me inside. "You're welcome." He growled.

As he stalked around the truck to the driver's side, I stuck my tongue out at him with a scowl as I buckled. When he slid into his seat and cranked the engine, he spoke more calmly. "So you were being stalked? She didn't happen to have red hair, did she?" He asked, seemingly innocent.

My breath caught in my throat. If he'd seen her then that means she's still around. "Um...yeah. Yes. Why?" I stuttered anxiously, twining my fingers in my lap.

He glared to himself as he pulled out of the parking lot and directed the car toward Forks. The trip was going to be a long one and I wasn't sure how I was going to be able to handle this after not speaking with him for so long. "I ran into her." At my strangled noise, he placated me with a staying hand on my forearm. "Don't worry. Someone else got to her before she realized I was going to chase her off."

I wasn't sure why but his words sounded off to me. I knew Jake so well, a direct result of spending all that time with him after I was left in the woods. He couldn't lie for shit, like me. I gave him a skeptical raise of my eyebrow and he sighed.

"I'm serious." Though his tone was still too high for me to believe him.

"And what happened? How do you know I'm safe now?" I asked, remembering him telling me I was not going to be hurt again.

"The guy who cornered her attacked her and killed her." He shrugged like it was no big deal.

This didn't make any sense.

"You watched her die." I said more than asked, my voice suspicious. If Jake watched Victoria die then he knew she wasn't a human being. She would probably look more like a moving mannequin getting torn apart. No blood, no tissue…

"Mhmm." He nodded as he continued to drive. "Watched her get set on fire too." There was a hint of pride in his voice and eyes and I stared at him for a long time. Still, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out what he was talking about and when I asked him to elaborate, he ignored me, seemingly back to the stoic asshole Sam Uley turned him into. The only thing I could actually be grateful for -besides Jake's heroics- was the fact that Victoria was toast. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

The rest of the four hour drive was silent while I brooded and Jake looked angry. The abrupt mood change had done things to my head and by the time we were parked outside my duplex, I hopped out with a quiet thank you and slammed the passenger's door of the car. Jake got out and tossed me my keys from a few feet away and I managed to still drop them. Scowling at his retreating back, I grumbled, assuming I would talk to him and get him to open up in a few days. I never did get any furniture and I desperately needed at least a few end tables so I decided to go to Sequim instead. Seattle would be avoided for a while at least. Unfortunately, I took a few wrong turns on my way out of the furniture store and ended up in a shitty part of town. My stomach didn't care, however, and decided that I was hungry. I found a hole in the wall Chinese place that served until 11pm and hoped they wouldn't be too mad that I was arriving at 10 minutes till closing.

Parking my beat up car at the curb outside the dingy restaurant, I walked in timidly. A scowl from the woman at the register told me I should turn around and leave but my stomach rumbled, pushing me forward. The dark green laminate counter had flecks of gold on it, making it look more like it was dirty than giving it character. The countertop was cluttered with papers, menus, and even crumbs from previous customers and sported one of those large Lucky Cats that waved its arm too and fro constantly.

Speaking in choppy English, the lady at the counter continued to scowl at me as she asked what she could do for me. A small glass fridge sat at the end of the counter and I noticed a mason jar full of their signature duck sauce. Beside the fridge sat a selection of pre-bagged chow mein wide noodles. Deciding not to piss her off anymore by actually placing an order, I snatched a jar of duck sauce and two large bags of noodles. It was my favorite appetizer when sitting in a Chinese restaurant so I figured snacking on that would make for a happy tummy while I drove the 45 minutes home. As she rang me up, her scowl faded and she thanked me tersely until a heavyset man came out of the back. Her eyes widened comically before she plastered a fake ass smile on her face and thanked me profusely.

"Please, come again. You try egg noodle next time." She said overly happily.

I smiled and nodded as the man rounded the corner and seemed to be heading straight for me. He made me nervous; with the slightly maniacal gleam in his eye. His dirty white shirt clung to his sweaty, rounded body. A filthy, hand printed apron was tied around his waist and hung over his flour covered black pants. Though he wore a mesh baseball cap on his head, I could tell his longish black hair was greasy and in need of a washing. As he extended his hand toward me, I couldn't help but notice the track marks on his arms.

"You be new girl?" He asked in the same choppy English as the lady behind the counter. My eyes went to her and she immediately turned her stare somewhere else, busying herself with the paperwork that was scattered on the counter. A grunt from him had her scurrying to the front door, locking it and flipping the sign from open to closed.

The feeling of uncertainty swirled into a ball of dread in the pit of my stomach.

"Um...yes?" I asked more than stated because yes, I'd never been here before so I would be new.

Nodding his head as if expecting the answer, he jerked his chin toward the back and turned. "Follow me." He said in his deep voice.

Looking longingly at the door, I saw a small girl who looked sickly hanging out by the front of the restaurant with a similarly longing look. Her eyes were deep set and she had black bags under her eyes. Her stringy brown hair hung around her shoulders like mine did and her skin was very pale. We kind of did look similar so I figured she was who he was looking for. As I opened my mouth to say something, the lady behind the counter cleared her throat and shook her head frantically. I wondered if the man was an abuser of some type the way she was acting so I kept my mouth shut and followed his greasy stench. I followed him through the kitchen which surprisingly was sparkling clean, and down a hallway to a black door. Opening the door, the man let me pass through first before gesturing to a spot in the center of the small, dark room. It looked like it used to be a stock room of some sort with faded, stained linoleum flooring and old shelving marks but now it held an old brown desk and a couple of filing cabinets. The man sat heavily in the computer chair behind the desk and groaned as he reached into the bottom drawer.

Setting a bag of something on the desk, he stared at me. A few minutes went by before he realized I was just staring at the bag unsurely.

"You want, yes?" He demanded more than asked and I knew if I said no, something bad would happen to me. Something told me this man didn't like to have his time wasted.

Hurry up.

I gasped and brought my eyes to the man. Edward's voice jerked me into action and I nodded my head. I wasn't sure what could happen but I knew that it wasn't good.

"60 this time so price go up. $25." He said, holding the bag in his hand as if weighing it. I wasn't sure what kind of bracket he was using as I had no idea what he was holding. I wasn't dumb enough to question whether it was drugs or not. That much was obvious.

Cocaine? Heroin? Ugh, what did I get myself into?

Quickly grabbing my wallet and snatching $30 out of it since I didn't have a $5 bill, I handed the man the money and he thrust the bag into my hand without giving me change. It was light and full of a fine powder substance. I figured it was heroin, having been reading the news online lately. I'd heard about the intense high and euphoria that came from taking a needle to the arm. Pocketing the bag, I backed out of the room as the man stood.

"Hey girl." He said, his voice softer than it had been. "You be careful. You have clean needles?" He asked, seemingly concerned which baffled me since he just gruffly sold me 60 somethings of heroin.

Shaking my head, I knew I must look like a deer in the headlights of a semi. Sighing heavily, he reached into another drawer, drawing another groan from his large chest. He handed me a pack of sterile needles with caps on them and then shooed me out the door. He followed me back out to the front where he unlocked the door. The lady was nowhere in sight. Neither was the strung out girl outside.

"Go home. No overdose." He warned.

Nodding my head wordlessly, I scurried to my car, struggling to unlock it. Once I was inside, I locked the car again so no one could get in while I was frantically trying to put everything in its place. The mason jar ended up on the floor with the chips with how fast I took the first few turns out of town and by the time I was on the highway toward Forks, I was nearly hyperventilating. Rolling my window down a few inches, I inhaled the cool air deeply. My nerves were shot. I couldn't believe I'd just done a drug deal. Oh boy, if Jake could see me now. Stumbling into my duplex at nearly 1am, I went straight into the kitchen, thankful for the auto lock on the front door, and pulled down my spice scale. I had started growing my own herbs and liked to measure them perfectly before jarring them. The GEMINI-20 scale told me that he indeed gave me 60 MilliGrams of heroin and I almost had a heart attack.

Wasn't a normal dose something like 0.1 grams? How was I supposed to figure this out? I had no clue. Besides, was I even contemplating this? I should just toss it in the garbage and forget about it.

Do that. Throw it away.

"Oh, shut the fuck up." I grumbled out loud to his echoing voice.

That was why I was contemplating it. Because everywhere I went, I heard him. Even after losing Jake, Jess, Angela, Mike, and Charlie and Renee, I still heard Edward. Deciding that I could afford to lose myself in some kind of pleasurable euphoria, I looked up online how to do this without killing myself on the first go. Grabbing a spoon and opening one of the sterile needles, I searched the cupboards for a multi-purpose lighter. I went straight to my room, forgetting all about my purchases and lights. Wrapping a shoelace around my arm like I'd seen phlebotomists do with rubber bands, I tied it tightly and then extended my arm and tapped the vein to bulge it up. With a shaking hand, I lifted the needle to the vein and closed my eyes to take a deep breath. Opening my eyes, I gritted my teeth and pushed the sharp needle through the translucent skin of my inner elbow with a squeak of protest leaving my lips. I shot the white-hot liquid into my veins and groaned as I felt it flow through me, killing the pain I suffered from.

Why…

Edward's scolding voice faded away as the blissful feeling took over my skin. I felt like I was floating on air on my back, as if it had turned into waves and was gently swaying me to and fro in a sea of clouds. I felt my lips pull into a silly smile as I fell back onto my bed. I remember reading somewhere that sometimes a person can puke during a high so I sluggishly turned onto my side and felt my eyes flutter closed. The needle slipped from my fingers and landed on the sheets beside me and I sighed happily.

This was the best I'd felt in months. The best I'd felt since I'd turned 18 years old. If I could feel like this, I can get over Edward and his family way faster and it won't hurt. I drifted off to sleep with a smile and didn't dream for the first time in a long time.

I was jerked out of my memories by the buzzing of the dryer and I stood up from where I'd been lounging on the couch. Gilmore Girls still played on in the background as I trudged to the bathroom to switch the laundry over; clean clothes in the basket, wet clothes in the dryer, another load of dirty into the washer. This is my third round and I was glad it's the last. I carried the clean basket of clothes to the living room and proceeded to fold them meticulously before putting them away where they belonged. During my reminiscing of the past, I had managed to clean the whole house, top to bottom and I was pleased it smelled so much better. When I wasn't high or coming down from a big high, I was able to realize how much I hated living like a pig. A lot of times though, I would just inject myself again to forget it existed at all.

Since the moment I'd first started doing heroin, I hadn't heard Edward's voice at all. It was a blessing because by the time I started, I'd been sick of it. Sure, I'd done everything I could when I was with Jake to hear it but after losing everyone and having only his scolding, velvety perfect voice in my ear, I couldn't handle it. It was almost like the H cured me from my psychosis. I would take whatever I could get. At first, every couple of weeks, I would go back to that man in Sequim until he hooked me up with a man closer to home. I didn't realize that people kept this stuff so close to home but now that I knew the signs, I could tell that a lot more people than I'd thought, used.

I made myself supper as the last load of clothes went into the dryer and sat down to eat it. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. It's easy to skip meals when all you do is work or get high. Sometimes I think I should switch to marijuana but that's not going to kill me so I keep on shooting up. If I wasn't such a pansy I would just overdose or let myself fall asleep on my back but I am. I can't, in my coherent mind, let myself commit suicide. For some reason, I feel like I have to live. It doesn't make sense to me but my body will not allow me to disuse the horse or lay on my back. As stupid as it sounds, it's almost like my body knows I'm waiting for something.

Or someone.

I shudder as I place my plate in the sink and wash it. The mac and cheese sits in a lump in my stomach so I pour a glass of my favorite brand of soda and chug it, hoping the bubbles break up the food faster. This was why it sucked having to be sober. The memories, the pain, the reluctance to live. I have no friends, no one cares about me, my dad is dead. What's the fucking point? How am I supposed to get better when I don't even want to get better? There's nothing for me to get better for. Heading to the bathroom, knowing I need a shower and I'd rather get in clean sheets with a clean body, I strip in front of the full length mirror that's hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Something I don't normally do because I'm so sickly thin, I glance at myself, feeling disgusted. My small breasts are less than a handful, my stomach is inverted and my collarbone protrudes grossly. Even though my hair is down to my hips now because I don't care enough to even get it trimmed, it hangs in thin, dull strands. Not even the sun can get it to shine anymore...Not that the sun shines often in Forks. The bags under my eyes are dark purple, black like the girl's I'd seen outside the Chinese restaurant almost 2 years ago and I know I've fallen as far as she had.

Turning away from the mirror in revulsion, I climb into the shower, shivering because I didn't set the temperature right. Adjusting it, I wash myself robotically before getting out, towelling off, and dropping into bed completely naked.

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