After committing genocide at Mount Weather I couldn't stay with my people. Every time I looked at them I remembered what I had to do to save. The smell of burning flesh and the cries of the people who were innocent in this war but had to suffer the same as the guilty so my people could live. Bellamy and Monty helped me but in the end the blame and fault is all on me. I'm the one who everyone trusteed to save them. It was my idea to radiate the room filled with families and now they will carry the guilt with them as well as me. Jasper girlfriend was killed by us and I doubt he will ever be able to forget what we did but maybe one day he could forgive. Or at least forgive Monty and Bellamy. There is nothing I could possibly do that will earn the forgiveness that will help me move from the horror I committed and everything before that. The bomb in Ton Dc the ring of fire, Finn. I have to bear these burdens so my people don't have too. Which leads me to leaving Camp Jaha without telling anyone but Bell that I was leaving. I couldn't be in that camp with everyone so I decided it would be better for everyone if I just left. Looking back, it might not have been what was best for me since I had no supplies over then my gun and a knife given to me by Lexa. None of this would be happening if the Commander didn't take the mountain man's deal and leave us at the mountain to die. For the mountain to grow stronger. But I know she took the deal to save her people. The same deal I took in the mountain. Betraying our friends so our people could live.

For the first few months I hunted near the border to Azgeda where there was a trading hut for me to trade with. But since I was close to the border I shouldn't have been surprised that I was captured and dragged all the way to the Queen of Azgeda as a gift. To say she was delighted would be an understatement. Everyone knows the Queen wanted to kill me to take the power of the great Wanheda slayer of the mountain and with this power she would break away from the coalition. She has always wanted Azeda to be the most feared and respect clan and having the power of wanheda would achieve this goal. However, the queen wouldn't accept it when I wouldn't fight for my life. I didn't deserve to live after what I've done and her killing me would have actually saved me from the pain that haunted me day and night. Instead of killing me for my supposed power Queen Nia deemed more effective for me to bow to her and become her own weapon. It's one thing to be Wanheda but it's another to control wanheda. By doing this she believed it showed she had more power and was the rightful ruler of the thirteen clans. Not long after I left Lexa offered a place in her coalition to Skirkru and they accepted not wanting to enter another war. One which they wouldn't win. For all their bullets they didn't have enough to take on all twelve clans. From what the Queen has told me my mom is still the chancellor and Kane has become our ambassador since he more understanding of the grounders different cultures.

At first, I refused to follow Nia if she wouldn't kill me there was no way I would kill for her. She wanted me to be her weapon and I refused to be used like that. Unsurprisingly this angered her and Nia decided it would be best if I learnt that I had no choice but to follow her. I tried to remain strong or at least no gave the queen the satisfaction of knowing she did have power over me. It started painless. Locking me in a room without food or water for a day. Then it became two then three. As time passed this type of torture didn't break me but it did help to weaken my body. Next came the pain. Whipping, burning, cutting and beatings. I quickly learned the less I screamed the more painful the torture would become but I couldn't let her hear me scream. When I wasn't being tortured I was being trained as a warrior by Ontari. She was the Queens heir and around the same age as me. The queen made it known early on that me and Ontari were to be bonded only to make Azgeda look stronger. Ontari was the one who explained night bloods to me. Apparently only these natblida could accept the flame and become Heda. Once a natblida is discovered they are taken to Polis the capital where they train until the conclave which I believe to be brutal and wrong because its kids killing other kids but I understand it since there can be only one commander at a time. I don't have to like it to accept it. Now I have to admit Nia is smart since she has a night blood and Wanheda working for her so if she wants to challenge the commander many clans will be unsure on who to side with. Me ending the mountain made her look weak because she left their greatest enemy to live while only a handful of skirkru were needed to end it once and for all.

It was nearing the end of my seventh month trapped in Azgeda when Ontari took me to stop disobeying the queen orders as the punishment made it unbearable to train for a few weeks at least. Broken bones and slashes made it extremely painful to lie in bed never mind train a seasoned warrior for hours. She told me that when the queen died and she took control of Azgeda I would be free to live or stay and help reform the clan I decided it was time to stop fighting. Even though I knew it would mean giving the queen power of me I couldn't take the torture anymore. It was now about survival. I do what I have to so I can live. Because I could tell the queen was almost ready to just have me killed and move on.

Which brings us to now. I've be held in Azgeda for over a year now. At some point, be and Ontari became lovers and are now plotting to take down the Queen and her loyalists so we can attempt make Azgeda a better clan or at least one that isn't as hated. For our plan to we to be very careful about who we let in as anyone could be a spy and if word about what we are doing reaches Nia then we will all be killed. Another we need is time to get everything in to place for it to work. If we move to soon the people wouldn't accept us as majority of the ice nation love the Queen as she hold both me and Ontari as our people's future and she does everything possible to make Azgeda respected by the other clans through fear as we have the largest army and some of the most skilled warriors. If we were to kill the Queen when she has the nations support they would have us banished or killed for treason. So, we plot and form alliances slow gaining more and more support until we're ready to seize power. Until we have that power we act like the good little heirs the queen wants. She believes we are loyal to her when in reality we are loyal to Azgeda and she is a threat to our nation. Trying to start a war between the thirteen clans will result in many of our people's deaths and we cannot let that happen. We won't stop until she's dead. That is the one thing I know for sure.

This is only a short introduction to the story to tell you briefly what will happen. I plan to go into more detail for Clarkes time in Azgeda before the present time. so you will see how her relationship with Ontari grow and everything she has had to endure in these months. Again apologies for any misspelling or grammar errors. i hope you enjoy my story and feel free to leave a comment.