The house elves avoided him at all cost while certain female staff members vied with each other to see who among them could provoke him best, morning, noon and evening. Caught in the middle of it all was one Severus Snape - bedeviled, bothered and by now borderline berserk. The irony of it all was that he had never been happier in his life.

On his way to lunch in the Great Hall, he thought of the many things he had to be happy about. Voldemort had been defeated over the summer ending his double life and clearing his name and honor. Neville Longbottom had left the premises. No successor was in sight to inherit his crown nor threaten his record streak of 32 total melted cauldrons. Even better, Harry Potter was no longer about to remind him of past indiscretions while the remaining Weasley was nothing like her brothers. Best of all, Slytherin was once again ahead in the points standing. Without the last day extra points generated by Potter's timely Quidditch heroics or Granger's astronomical grades, Slytherin winning the house cup this year was a near certainty.

But in his heart of hearts he knew the one thing that made him happiest was belonging to someone who understood him and, more importantly, whom he understood, the aforementioned Hermione Granger. The war had brought them closer not driven them apart as he had feared. With her, he found he could be himself without fear of rejection or misunderstanding.

"Belong to her? My boy, you are her abject slave and lust object. No need to romantically sugarcoat it." Said Board Member number one who liked to be called The Gent or Gent for short.

Board member number two, also known as Prat, added "But I'm not complaining. If anything, we should leave this madhouse and stay with her permanently."

"Bad idea. No, our encounters should stay as they are - hot, sweaty and multi-orgasmic fun and games. I'm not ready for the ball and chain just yet, thank you very much." Offered Board Member number three who went by the sobriquet of Wolf.

Severus Snape was considered to be many things but insane was not one of them at least not by established standards. The Board members were his inner voices who advised him on all matters. Their advice was always unsolicited, unhelpful and unwanted. Unfortunately, he became far more susceptible to following their advice when he wasn't thinking clearly. Unfocused thinking was usually his state of mind when pondering his lover.

"Why not think about securing her now? A ball and chain is only such if you make it so." Said Gent.

"What if she finds someone else and leaves us for good?" Prat pointed out. "What do we do then?"

"We do nothing. There are other women." Replied Wolf. "Look, we're much better off now - no Dark Mark, better hygiene, stamina of a marathon runner. We'll be beating them off with a stick."

"But, Wolf," Prat whispered. "I don't need anyone else."