"You are ridiculous, fucking hell," Vanitas huffed as he wrestled his cat into his harness. Gere mewled in loud protest and stayed in what Vanitas liked to call Limp Noodle Mode, just laying there and not being helpful in the slightest. Made trying to buckle all the straps a real pain in the ass, for sure. "God, it's like you know."

"He probably does," Sora stood by laughing, because he was obviously a traitor. "Cats can tell when their humans are upset or nervous and we both know Gere can read you better than anybody. He probably knows that when you're nervous it means he's going to the vet."

As if to agree, Gere gave another one of those loud, unhappy mewls and it went straight to Vanitas' heart, like fuck.

He hated to admit to it, but Sora probably had the right of it. Gere usually loved their outings, meowing at the door every time Vanitas so much as grabbed the harness. But vet days were always different and it always had Vanitas in various states of mess. He knew that cold panic in the chest feeling better than anyone. It stemmed from an oppressive childhood and only grew more pronounced with age. Where any and all possessions he was allowed to have were meant to be protected at all costs. The fear that they would be taken away was always present and right now was no exception.

Nervous? He was a fucking wreck.

"There, finally," he muttered when the last clip went together. Gere gave him an unimpressed look as he gave a little tug on the leash and stayed laying there, defiant old fart. Vanitas opted to just pick him up and tuck him into his arm like a football.

Sora opened the door for him, still looking amused, but didn't say anything about Vanitas' frown, or even the way his leg bounced in nerves once they were at the bus stop and waiting on the bench. He opened his jacket for Gere and hid him inside, zipping it back up so the cat was cocooned. Only then did he realize Sora had gently laid his hand near him, a silent offer to hold if needed, and maybe panicked a little all over again.

"It'll be just fine," Sora assured, even though his hand was being ignored. He seemed fine with it, way he always was. It put him on edge as much as something in him soothed. "He's probably just biding his time to attack the poor vet techs."

Somehow that soothed Vanitas more, but he didn't think he was ready for the hand holding. He kept his hands firmly around his middle, holding his cat, and hoped Sora wouldn't get up and leave in disgust at his lack of basic boyfriend etiquette.

Sora didn't, of course he didn't. Just turned his hand back over and laid it on Vanitas' thigh, achieving contact for them both without Vanitas having to go out of his comfort zone. Fuck, how did he do that? And so effortlessly?

How could he find contentment in the meager offerings Vanitas could give? Even didn't give? Sitting on the bus next to one another, Gere asleep in his jacket and Vanitas very decidedly not holding Sora's hand, Sora still looked in love, even more so somehow. He took a billion pictures on his phone like Vanitas was some sort of instagram cat star.

"You two are so cute," he gushed, making one of the pictures his background. Vanitas felt a flush of pleasure at that, even as his face went a shade of red he would deny to his dying day. "You should make a YouTube account just for your cat."

"He'd take over the internet," Vanitas snorted, because it was true. Gere would be an instant success and Vanitas didn't feel like sharing him with anyone that wasn't Sora. Another something to deny forever. "The internet isn't ready for the ultimate mob boss."

"I agree," Sora laughed and set his head on Vanitas' shoulder. "You hanging in there okay?"

"He was underweight last visit," Vanitas heard himself admit. He wasn't even sure how the words came so easily. "Don't need a vet drilling me on how to properly feed my own cat."

"I'm sure he's fine this time," Sora was quick to reassure. "He's been eating like a champ."

"Damn right he's fine, I calculated his food to fucking perfection," Vanitas growled a little, more at the vet techs that pissed him off last time than anything else. "If the vet says he's underweight again I'm gonna lose my fucking mind."

"It'll be fine," Sora chuckled and pat his knee in support. "You're a great cat dad."

Vanitas preened a little hearing that and peeked into his jacket to check on his sleeping cat. "Damn right I am."

Sora gave another of his giggles and reached over to pet Gere's ears, drawing a few stares from around the bus. Vanitas glared at them until they looked away and maintained that glare all the way to the vet, inside the waiting room, and throughout the appointment. He didn't let his face relax until the vet confirmed what he already knew: Gere was back up to weight and doing just fine. He even managed a laugh when Gere waited until the last second to swipe at the vet, finally out of Noodle Mode and into Hissy Noodle Mode.

"I told you it would be fine," Sora smiled as they returned to the bus stop, this time with Gere trotting along happily on his leash, now that he knew the vet visit was over and done with. He drew even more stares as he hopped up Vanitas' torso to his shoulders and laid down, purring like a motorboat.

Sora scratched under Gere's chin. "It's cool that he knows how to be on a leash."

"Most think it's weird, but it's damn helpful," Vanitas huffed in pride. "I take lots of hikes in summer and this way I can take him with me."

"Without worrying that he'll take on a bear or something," Sora finished that thought, laughing.

"Oh, he still does that," Vanitas found the tease and opened his jacket again. Gere wiggled his butt before hopping down into it, little paw coming to rest on Vanitas' stomach. Vanitas felt his heart clench all over again.

How had he ever thought such a feeling was something other than Love? Sure, that was still a concept hard for him to grasp, but now that Sora had opened his mind to that truth, he could no longer attribute it to anything less. Except maybe his past, which had only served to make him overprotective and forever afraid of losing all he had, Gere included. Sora included.

He looked down at Sora's hand as they took the bus home. Sora's head was on his shoulder again, a dopey grin on his face, and didn't seem to realize his hand was up on his lap again. Or perhaps that was intentional, who knew? Sora was more devious than Vanitas had given him credit for, yet he didn't force any advantage. Just waited for Vanitas to make the move, to close the distance, like he was slowly teaching Vanitas it was okay to do so.

How was he real, seriously? And why the fuck did he want to be with him of all people? A stupid idiot too scared to even hold hands? Too proud to admit he was scared?

Fuck, he was more than a wreck. He was obviously broken.

"Vanitas? You okay?" Sora murmured, looking up at him with those impossible eyes. Vanitas sighed at him.

"What is okay?" he asked, the words tumbling out instead of the deflection he'd planned. He frowned at himself, but the damage was done, and refused to look at his boyfriend. "Because I doubt I've ever been okay."

"Fair enough," Sora mused and sat upright again, turning his body in as though to shield Vanitas from the bus, from the world, even. "This isn't just about the vet visit, is it?"

"Yes and no. I don't like feeling like shit," Vanitas shrugged, because that was a truth he could admit to gladly. "I don't want some asshole thinking I don't take care of my cat."

"Understandable," Sora smiled at him. "They don't know you and Gere whatsoever. They only see him when something is wrong, so they don't see all the good times."

Vanitas swallowed, words screaming to come out, but forced himself to just nod and give Sora an amused look. "You should be a therapist or some shit, because holy fuck."

Sora turned a hilarious shade of pink. "Yeah, well, I just say what I've been told," he admitted softly. "When my mom was sick, I went to a therapist to help deal with the stress. A lot of what I learned I try to give to others. Especially those I care about. I don't see therapy as something I have to hold in, but something I have to learn from and use like a tool."

"Forget therapist, you should be the next Buddha," was what Vanitas said to that, mind whirling at the thought of Sora - warm, compassionate, hurting - stuck in a white room scared out of his mind and a doctor - cold, calculating, sterile - laying all his emotions bare. It made him shiver just thinking about it.

'Who would follow me?" Sora laughed that off. "Besides, I don't think I could sit still long enough meditate. And I definitely couldn't be a vegetarian."

Vanitas crinkled his nose at the thought, earning another laugh, and felt a smile coming on, so easily. He looked down at Sora's hand again, wondering why it didn't seem so daunting now, but still couldn't quite make his hand move.

Sora leaned his head back on Vanitas' shoulder. "You know, my mom wants to meet you."

Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "You think that's a good idea?" he asked, and a spike of anxiety pushed its cold fingers into him again.

Sora nodded with a sleepy smile. "I'm going next weekend if you want to come with. I asked around with the staff and doctors and they said you could bring Gere as long as he stayed in her rooms."

The rush of emotion that created was startling. Vanitas stared at him a long moment, wondering how in the hell Sora was real, was with him, and cared enough to ask that Gere could tag along. It showed a level of love and care that Vanitas wasn't surprised by, given it was who Sora was, but somehow still shocked him that he was someone Sora constantly thought of.

"I don't know," he managed to say, voice a little too hoarse for the tease he was going for, "meeting the boyfriend's cat. Are we ready for that, Sora?"

"I don't know," Sora echoed him, grinning. "What if she falls in love with Gere and gives me the shovel talk?"

"She will," Vanitas hummed. "Gere will capture her so completely she'll threaten you not to break his heart."

Sora's hand was on his thigh and squeezed, his smile radiant and sweet. "I guess I'd better not break his heart," he murmured and leaned up to kiss his cheek. Vanitas turned into it before he could get his mark, capturing his lips with his own instead. He delighted in the little squeak it earned him.

"Tell me," he purred a little, preening, "how someone so confident can be such a mouse?"

"Have you seen how sexy you are?" Sora huffed, puffing his cheeks and blushing hard.

"I do have a mirror, so yes," Vanitas huffed back and leaned over to nip a spot behind Sora's ear. Sora squeaked again. Ah, finally some common fucking ground.

Well, at least, that was what he'd hoped. Instead, with red cheeks and ears, Sora leaned up to return the nip, then kissed the spot and pulled back when Vanitas went stiff as a board.

"Turnabout's fair play," he sing-songed, the jerk. Vanitas flicked his nose and just got a laugh. "Tell me, Vanitas, how someone so confident can be such a mouse?"

A loaded sentence if there ever was one, but somehow vanitas knew it was given as both an option and an out, all in one. He could use it as a segway into what really lay in the dark corners of his heart, or he could laugh it all off. Once more Sora had found that comfortable middle, neither asking or assuming, just being, and it felt suddenly cheap not to give in.

But the words were stuck.

He'd only told Ventus, so long ago, and it'd been easier then, because he'd still been in the mess of it, screaming for release. Ventus had offered him a way out of that life, out of the hell of his daily being, and Vanitas had needed it then. But he'd come so far on his own, he feared going back into that dark hallway would only regress him back to the pitiful nothing he had been. No, no he wasn't ready for that. He doubted he could ever be.

"Minx," he breathed out, too soft for the tease to be truly effective, and hoped his smile was good enough. By the way Sora lit up, it was, but it still didn't feel… enough.

Fuck, why was he so bad at this? Why did he have to overthink the stupidest things? Just take his hand you fucking damned coward, just take his hand - oh.

A gentle squeeze made everything sort of stop. He looked down, surprised to find his fingers laced with Sora's and realized, belatedly, that that was the reason Sora had lit up, not his tease. He'd grabbed Sora's hand while trying to be soft. To be someone Sora could be proud to call boyfriend, and he'd done it without thinking.

Maybe he wasn't so broken after all.