Title: Floating Up
Chapter 1: Broken
Author: Kora
E-mail: [email protected] or [email protected]
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following characters belong to WWE and all the people and companies who deal with all that legal stuff. I am simply using the characters for my own twisted enjoyment.
Author's Note: I'd like to thank all those who fed my feedback monster when I wrote 'Drowning Slowly'. I was very happy with the responses, especially considering that some were so eloquently written! It really made me feel like I did a nice job!
Therefore I've decided to continue the story, making this whole thing something of a series. I hope you all enjoy it and continue to be as forthcoming with your responses as you were the first time.
Once again, to repeat to those who may be new, this is a very serious fan fiction dealing with some very dark themes. Therefore I have placed several warnings. Some are my normal warnings and others deal with the subject matter I am writing about.
This is a fan fiction based on characters from the WWE. This story does not represent the real Stephanie McMahon or Shawn Michaels, etc. It is based on their fictional characters not the actual people themselves. I am fully aware Shawn Michaels is married and that it has even been announced on the show that he has a wife and child. However, seeing as this is fiction, I am pretending he does not. This is not a story to be taken lightly; it has some very tense/disturbing scenes and deals with the subject of rape. If you can't take abuse and violence in a story, or a story with the mistreating of your favorite wrestler, then maybe you shouldn't read this.------------------------------
Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
You were looking down on me
Lost out in space
Laid underneath the stars
Strung out and feeling brave
Watch the riddles glow
Watch them float away
You're falling back to me
The star that I can't see
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
-Our Lady Peace, 'Somewhere Out There'
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"Who would like to go first today? How about you Jennifer? Do you feel like sharing?" Doctor Holden asked, her eyes still affixed on the metal clipboard resting on her lap as she jotted a few notes down. She looked up, her eyes directed on a petite teenager at one end of the circle. Other women in the circle turned their gaze to Jennifer as well.
Jennifer's hands rested on her lap and she solemnly shook her head. Doctor Holden smiled sweetly, "That's perfectly all right, Jennifer, we understand. Is anyone else up to talking? How about you, Stephanie?"
The heads in the group turned again, this time to fall on Stephanie McMahon. Stephanie smiled and cleared her throat, "Well, as some of you all ready know, my name is Stephanie McMahon and it has been almost three months since I was sexually assaulted."
Doctor Holden's smile widened, obviously pleased that Stephanie would be speaking. Other women in the group looked hopeful too, mostly the new girls who couldn't imagine making it up to three months after their attacks and looking as good as Stephanie did. She continued, "I started this group a few weeks after the attack. I've seen a lot of girls come and go and-well, I guess for those who are new, I should go ahead and explain what happened to me again."
She felt her throat become thicker, this part was never easy, no matter how many times she told it, "I was leaving my most recent job and I was...grabbed from behind. It all gets sort of fuzzy after that. The doctor's say I can't remember because my subconscious won't let me-it doesn't want me to remember but I do know he threw me down and-and had his way with me. I can sometimes still feel him..."
She shook her head, "At any rate, he left me in this gutter to die and I was all set to. I was bruised, bleeding...broken. And then-then Shawn came."
"Shawn?"
Everyone's head turned swiftly. The sound had come from Jennifer. Jennifer had arrived two weeks ago. Only three days before her joining group, her stepfather had raped her. It was her mother who had forced her to come and she had been tight lipped ever since, never breathing a word. This was her first.
Stephanie gave her a soft smile, "Yes, his name was Shawn."
Jennifer coughed, "My boyfriend's name is Shawn. How does he spell it?"
"Oh, S-h-a-w-n."
"My boyfriend spells it S-e-a-n." Jennifer admitted, she suddenly seemed to notice all the attention on her and turned a deep red, her head ducking down again, "Please...um...continue."
"Are you sure you don't want to say anything else?" Stephanie questioned gently.
"No. Please. I want to hear more." Jennifer urged.
"Okay. Well, Shawn was the one who found me in the gutter. He was my ex-husband's best friend at one point. He and I hardly knew each other. I mean I saw him sometimes. He'd come over to visit Hunter, my ex-husband. They'd sit in our living room watching TV and laughing but I basically left them alone. Around that time I was really self-centered and possessive. I remember, I didn't like Shawn too much. I felt like he took Hunter's attention away from me and I knew enough about him to think he was a jerk. He worked for my father, you see, just like Hunter and I knew all about his antics and his ego but...he changed. Just like I've changed. Anyway, he found me and took care of me. He-he was wonderful. He saved my life."
She stopped for a moment or two, her thoughts lingering over Shawn before she continued, "Like I was saying, Shawn helped me. He took me to the hospital after it happened and he contacted my brother-but he did all this because I asked him to. He did everything right. Or at least, it was right for me. He was the one who helped me decide to tell my father, to go to the police, and to eventually come here. When I told my father...I was worried he'd flip. I thought he'd be ashamed or embarrassed but instead he was actually really supportive. He's been more in the mindset that my brother has been in. They both want my attacker caught, no mater what the consequences."
Stephanie's eyes went down to her hands, "I've been helping. I gave them the clothes I was attacked in and have tried to tell them all I can remember but...I'm still in this mindset where I don't want my attacker to be found. Not because I don't want him off the streets so he won't do this to anyone else or because I don't want him to pay but because I'm scared of him. I'm scared they'll catch him and I'll have to see him and to me that just makes what happened so much more real. I know it happened, I've accepted that now and I've stopped being in denial but there is this part of me. Part of me that doesn't want to remember. Otherwise why would I have this peculiar amnesia, right? Whatever-whatever he did to me must have been so awful my own subconscious couldn't bear it-so it's locked it away from me so that even if I wanted to-I couldn't get it."
"That's all right, Stephanie. I'm sure when your mind feels you're ready to remember, it will let you. You must make sure not to force yourself. Remember ladies, we have to take our time." Doctor Holder assured, then returned her attention to Stephanie, "And how has your job been going, Stephanie?"
"Very well. I've been able to make decision again. To work. I find that coming here and opening the police case were probably the best things I could have done. I think it helps to talk to you guys because you've been where I am, you understand, and that makes me feel as if I'm not alone. I know it sounds hokey but..."
"No, Stephanie, it's honest and that's good. The group was created for the very things you just mentioned. By sharing, we can all feel a bit better." Doctor Holden said.
Everyone nodded and smiled, a few friendly patting each other's arms. Jennifer spoke up again, "What about Shawn?"
Stephanie looked at Jennifer, a smile on her face, "He's good. I talk to him a lot over the phone. And whenever he gets the chance he comes to visit. I guess you could say we've become friends. It's sort of a 'When Harry met Sally' kind of thing except twisted."
Jennifer actually laughed at that and Stephanie felt a pleased sensation run through her, she rose from her seat and walked over to the teen. Another woman sitting next to Jennifer stood up, understanding without words that Stephanie wanted to switch seats. They did so and Stephanie looked at Jennifer, "Anything else to ask, Jennifer?"
Jennifer looked up at Stephanie and she could see tears brim in the young girl's eyes. Stephanie recognized the look. She had seen it in her own eyes not long after the attack, every time she'd looked in the mirror. Jennifer asked thickly, "Does it ever get any easier?"
"With time. And with good friends." Stephanie said and tentatively reached out a hand to run along the girl's back.
"Does Shawn-does he care about what happened? I mean, I know you two are just friends and you're not...serious like that but does he..." Jennifer whispered.
Stephanie locked eyes with the girl, "No. He doesn't. I worried about it too, Jennifer. But Doctor Holden can tell you exactly what she told me when I first got here, after this...happens. It's hard to form a relationship again, romantic or not, any relationship is hard after someone's taken advantage of you. But with enough time and patience, it all goes back to how it used to be…in a sense. After time, the fear passes."
Jennifer's voice broke as she began to cry, a hand covering her eyes in her embarrassment, "Can you promise me that? Because I'm so scared when Sean finds out he won't-he won't love me anymore. That no one will want..."
"Shh." Stephanie pulled the young girl into her arms as she began to cry. Other women in the group had tears in their eyes as well as Stephanie held Jennifer close. Stephanie squeezed her tight, whispering into her hair, "It's okay, Jennifer. Everything will be all right in time."
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"So you really helped her then?" Shawn asked as he talked to Stephanie over her cell phone. She was in her office at Smackdown signing a few papers before heading home for the night.
"Yeah, I guess. She's a sweet kid, I saw a lot of myself in her. But...I don't know. What happened to Jennifer was a lot more traumatic than what happened to me. I mean it was her stepfather who attacked her. My attacker was...well I don't know who he was but he wasn't one of my relatives."
"Hey, you can't measure trauma, all right? What happened to you is no less worse than what happened to anyone else, if you catch my meaning. The point is, you helped the girl and that's good. I'm very proud of you."
Stephanie grinned at that, "Well thank you very much, sir."
"You're very welcome, pretty lady. Now you say you mentioned the fabulous me and I believe I deserve to hear every word about myself."
"It's always you, isn't it? Every time we're on the phone you, you, you."
"I warned you, I'm my favorite subject."
"True, I mean how many people flauntingly play a song called 'Sexy Boy' when they enter the room."
"Now hold on there, that song is a classic. And, hell, I wouldn't play it unless it was true."
Stephanie's grin grew. His accent was even more adorable when he was fired up about something, she continued, "All right, Jennifer asked about our relationship and I told her we were friends. Sort of like 'When Harry met Sally'."
"You compared me to Billy Crystal? For shame."
"What would you prefer? 'Will and Grace'?"
"Definitely not but why the heck am I filed in these analogies?"
"Shawn, face it, you're my friend. We talk on the phone every other day. You come to see me, we hang out-heck, last weekend we went clothes shopping."
"Whoa, hold on, You know you dragged me into the shopping against my will!" he insisted and she could almost see him pouting on the other end in his defense.
"Oh yeah? Then why did we have to go into the 'Leather Emporium' when you saw those cowboy boots were on sale and were quote, 'a great match to my new blue Levi's'?"
Shawn gasped and spurted on the other end a few moments before responding, "So what? They did! Besides it wasn't like I-"
She cut in, making sure to drive the screws in, "You ended up buying the boots, two cowboy hats, a leather jacket, some flannel shirts, you had more bags then I did."
"Oh shut up!" Shawn muttered, leaving Stephanie in a fit of giggles. Once she recovered she soothed his wounded masculinity, "Hey, I'm happy you had a good time. And at least you can buy clothes for yourself. It was torture with Hunter."
"That's because that man has no fashion sense. I only care about clothes because they make the man and I am a fine man, dammit! But you better not be running off and telling your girlfriends that I'm 'Just Jack' or whatever the frick that guy on that show is called."
"That's 'Will and Grace', too, Shawn. But don't worry, I know I won't see you in the parade anytime soon. You're too much of a womanizer. Speaking of which, how did your date with that woman go?"
"What?"
"You know, you said you had a date with some girl, Linda or something."
On the other end Shawn was frowning. Completely lost. Then his lie returned to him. He had told Stephanie he was going on a date because he had wanted her to think he had a life and that he didn't just sit around thinking about her. Which was exactly what he had been doing lately. He swallowed, "Oh. That. It was all right."
"You get lucky?"
"Jesus, Steph, you're just like Hunter..."
"Well we were married. We probably have something in common, don't you think? Now answer the question."
"No. I didn't, all right. We just went out and that was all."
"Too bad. You know I always imagined the HeartBreak Kid having a different girl every day of the week. Sure seemed that way to me when I first met you. And when I overheard you talking to Hunter when you came to visit when we were married."
"Yeah well, I don't know. I'm getting older I guess. It's not as much fun putting notches in my bedpost anymore."
"You? Growing up? Say it isn't so?"
"Look who's talking," Shawn teased, "So...you told the girl we were friends."
"Well we are, aren't we?" Stephanie asked, biting her lip at this. Truthfully Shawn was more than a mere friend to her. Shane had initially been her best friend. Her only friend in the world actually, but then Shawn had come. Now he filled in some spaces. He was her hero, the only thing good to arise out of what had happened to her. If he didn't at least feel like they were friends...
"Of course we are! You had to ask?" Shawn snorted and Stephanie let out a breath of relief.
Stephanie had finished signing her papers and began to gather her stuff to go home. She grabbed the jacket Shawn had given her long ago, flinging it on, "I know, silly of me, right?"
"Totally silly. You're...you're my best friend, Stephanie."
Stephanie froze mid-action. She had heard the reluctance in Shawn's voice. She could tell he was unsure about what he had just said. How ironic for him to say it not long after she had been thinking it. She felt a thrill run up her back, "You're my best friend too, Shawn."
She could almost hear him breathe out in relief on the other end, "Good, good. You know, I've never had a girl as my best friend before. Feels kinda funny."
"Well I'm sure you'll get used to it, eventually. I mean, Chyna was your friend and she was a girl."
"Yeah but....she was Chyna." Shawn said flatly.
"So?"
"No attraction there, pretty lady."
Stephanie froze again. Attraction? On the other end Shawn's words came back to him and he cringed, his eyes squeezing shut tightly, cursing mentally.
"Attraction?" she asked, knowing her voice had squeaked.
"Well...you are a pretty lady. That's why I call you that. But, you know...I mean..." Shawn struggled to think of something, anything to say but instead Stephanie let him off the hook, just as uncomfortable as him, "I know what you mean, Shawn. Look, I gotta go."
"Okay. You be safe, okay? Get someone..."
She interrupted, "To walk me out to my car. I know, I know."
"All right. Call me later?"
"You know it." She promised and with a goodbye she hung up. She sighed, slightly confused by all that had just happened but she shook it off, pulling all of her stuff together before exiting her office. She was not more then a second out the door when she knew something was wrong.
The staff stood in the hallway. All of them staring at her. She frowned.
"What?"
No one answered her.
"What? What's going on?"
Suddenly several Superstars flooded into the room. They all had the same look on their faces as the staff members. Suddenly she noticed that everyone was holding a white flyer.
"What's going on?" she repeated again, a tight edge to her voice.
Kurt Angle approached her, his Adam's apple moving visibly, his eyes watery, "Is it true, Stephanie?"
"What?" she breathed, her heart having stopped. She felt dizzy. Angle handed her one of the white fliers. Stephanie looked at it an felt a tight cry escape her. It was a picture of her in the gutter, right after the rape. Written on it, were the words, 'Stephanie McMahon-Broken'.