oh wise one

Summary: A good advisor would not waste time and brain resources pining for their Hokage. Or their Hokage's wife. Possibly both. Unfortunately, Nara Shikamaru was not that advisor. Hinata/Naruto/Shikamaru OS. Shikamaru-centic. Crackish. NO smut.

Pairings: Shikamaru/Naruto, Hinata/Naruto, eventual Hinata/Naruto/Shikamaru. Background Iruka/Kakashi

Rating: T

Notes: English is not my first language, however this fic is now beta'ed by the incredible DemiDominque!

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Chapter 1: the Awful, Terrible, Not Good At All Eyes Effect

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At the end of Uzumaki Naruto and Hyuuga Hinata's painfully tortuous courtship, everyone got their just dessert.

Naruto got the supportive companion his younger self wouldn't have dared dream of. A beautiful, devoted, ass-kicking woman at his side to brighten his days and ground his temper. Hinata got the oblivious dunce she had been crushing on forever to first notice her existence, then notice her awesomeness, and then notice the amazing woman beneath all that.

The village got a First Lady to gloat about to whoever wanted to be informed about how pretty Hinata-sama looked in that yukata, and have you heard about how she kicked those bandits out of the Capital? Most importantly they got a grand marriage to get spectacularly wasted during, which was all Konoha habitants wanted in life.

And Shikamaru? Well Shikamaru got the pleasure of handling the Office and stopping Konoha from collapsing in the Hokage's absence for three whole days. Which wasn't that different from usual, except he didn't have to deal with Naruto's Oh-My-God-What-Am-I-Doing daily crisis.

So, really, everyone got their happy ending.

Seriously.

Shikamaru was just fine.

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Shikamaru's life got sidetracked from 'average shinobi with two point five average children' to 'chief advisor of the Hokage, in all things from international treaties to lovelife management' only because of the Eyes. The beginning of his life-project's downfall went like approximately like this:

"Hey Shikamaru..." The Eyes perked up.

"Nope."

"So you're like, super smart?" The Eyes thought they were being subtle. They weren't, even for a non-Nara interlocutor. They were, however, criminally cute.

"I'm not hearing you."

"Honestly I could use some help from a friend," The Eyes brought out the big jutsus, shamelessly slamming the bro card on the negotiating table.

"Can't you ask someone else? Anyone?" Shikamaru couldn't be the only choice in Konoha to guide the future Hokage towards bureaucratic competency.

"Come on Shika! It's not forever!" The Eyes narrowed in, feeding off weakness like a shark on blood. "I'll let you nap anytime you want."

And there Shikamaru should have held on his initial position. He should have said,

"No, Naruto, I don't want to coach you on diplomacy, economy, history, politics and whatever else you missed out during our Academy time because of your non-existent attention span and your crappy childhood. No, Naruto, I don't want to spend hours and hours buried in paperwork trying to keep this Village from killing itself. No, Naruto, I don't want to guard your precious ass every hour of every day and stop you from sabotaging yourself. No, Naruto, I don't want to help you get the woman of your dreams without at least getting some sexual compensation for myself out of the trouble."

Or he should have outright run for his life. No one who had ever been subjected to The Eyes would have blamed him. It was not weakness, but self-preservation, any shinobi worth their salt could respect that.

Instead Shikamaru said: "Ugh" and The Eyes went straight for the kill. "Please, Shika, I really need your help."

Shikamaru pinpointed that moment where his life definitely got out of control, but really it started earlier than that. It started the moment Shikamaru watched a loud, disrespectful, attention-seeking lonely child and saw someone worth following.

"Geez, fine. Just for a few weeks, alright?"

"Of course! You're the BEST!" The Eyes had gone all twinkly and warm and happy and Shikamaru might or might not have forgotten how to breath for a minute under the tsunami of raw trust.

Naturally, three years later, Shikamaru was still there, hovering behind Naruto's shoulder, with the addition of a minor paycheck, a clearance for everything, an office full of paperwork, five minions for his personal use, a key to Naruto's house and none of the promised napping time.

Also, still no sexual compensation. Not even one tiny pity blowjob.

Shikamaru had no idea why he did such things to himself.

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Most clan children learnt at a young age how to weaponize their own body, to bend their soft flesh into sharp edges, to bite back their smiles and tears, and hide them underneath the mask, to force their axe bones into straight rulers. As future shinobi they weren't allowed anything but perfect control of their back and feet and hands and head, all in honor of the shinobi lifestyle.

Nara children, however understood the importance in their profession of looking as harmless as possible unless you decided otherwise. They drag their feet, melt their bones into puddles of decadent laziness and dropped their mouth into lenient smirks. And in his awkward family of professional arseholes, Shikamaru was the very best. He could whine like there was no tomorrow, drawl out full sentences into oblivion, drag out his entire body, shrug with the best of them, or maintain an expression of fatal boredom for hours. But first and foremost, Shikamaru was a professional sloucher. He shamelessly slouched everywhere, in his house, at the academy, during training, during missions, in front of everyone, including his mother, the scariest woman in the Elemental Countries.

But even he wouldn't push his luck so far as to slouch in front of his Hokage. Though said Hokage was no newbie at the lazy arts either. One might go as far as say Hatake Kakashi could out-slouch most of the Naras those days.

"Ah, Nara-kun," Hokage-sama cheerfully greeted the chuunin. "Here you are!"

You're the one who called me, Shikamaru wisely did not snap. "Hokage-sama," he said instead, his back bending in a form even the most uptight of Hyuugas wouldn't have spit upon. "Iruka-sensei."

His former teacher smiled benevolently at him from behind the Hokage's desk. How a man usually so reasonable could have let himself get roped into babysitting Hatake bemused Shikamaru to no end, and no, the irony of that statement had not escaped his notice.

"Yes, yes," Hokage-same waved aimlessly at his shinobi. "Enough of those pleasantries. Down to business. I'm quite a busy man, or so I've heard."

"Busy making my life hell," Iruka-sensei grumbled between his teeth as Hatake sneaked a besotted glance to the side. Shikamaru politely ignored their foreplay bickering. Whatever happened on that desk, he didn't want to know.

"Naruto told me you offered to help him," Hokage-sama happily declared. Shikamaru took the liberty to replace 'Naruto' by 'the ANBU on babysitting duty' and 'offered to help me' by 'got bullied by my baby student to do his homework in his stead. I'm so proud of my ducklings, ruining lives all over the world'.

"Hokage-sama," he deadpanned, his face a study in casual indifference.

Under his mask, Hokage-sama pouted at his shinobi's lack of reaction. His visible eye got all-droopy in mock disappointment. "You're not being very forthcoming Nara-kun. Anyway, I think it's a great idea!"

The man he couldn't stop calling Iruka-sensei despite the fact he hadn't set a foot in a classroom in five years beamed approvingly, and Shikamaru felt an spike of fear run all over his spine. If those two unanimously agreed on something, it could only be the premise of a disaster.

"In fact I think it's such a great idea I decided to make it official," Hokage-sama casually destroyed whatever hopes of a uneventful life his subordonate had left.

"Hokage-sama I don't think that's necessa..." Shikamaru tried as a last resort.

"So congratulations on your promotion as Hokage's Assistant!" Hokage-sama cheerfully ignored his protests. "It's a great position, if I may so myself, isn't it Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka-sensei rolled his eyes, trying to look exasperated but only managing reluctant fondness instead. "Why are you even calling me sensei? I was never your sensei."

"Oh in my fantasies you were, Iruka-sensei," Hokage-sama tutted appreciatively.

Shikamaru got the fuck out of the Gay Zone faster than Sasuke could run away from his inner feelings, and silently resigned himself to do so from the next five years, at least. If only he had just their latent sexual tension to deal with, instead of his own.

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Two months into their 'It's Only A Temporary Arrangement', Naruto was not even bothering to pretend Shikamaru had a life of his own, since he didn't mind barging in Shikamaru's house in the little time his advisor had left for himself.

"Shikamaru," his Hokage-to-be said, without acknowledging the kunai Shikamaru almost threw to his awful, terrible, pretty face. "Shikamaru."

"What." He grumbled, falling back on his bed vindically. If Konoha wasn't being invaded right now, he swore to the Sage...

"Shikamaru," Naruto said his name again, like he honestly thought the Nara held all the answers of the universe. Which wasn't doing anything to his lower parts, nope. "I think Hinata is in l... I mean she..ugh..." Whatever wasn't happening with his lower section dropped down Chidori fast.

When it became clear Naruto could handle being the jailor for a chakra powerhouse beast, bringing traitors back into the fold, converting irredeemable enemies to the Right Path, leading the Fourth Shinobi War, but not say the L-world, Shikamaru took pity on the stuttering mess.

"In love with you? No shit," he mumbled unhappily to his pillow.

"Yeah, that," the jinchuuriki breathed in relief that someone else had said it for him.

Shikamaru patiently waited for more information. Which didn't came. "And?"

"And?! What am I supposed to DO?" Naruto shook all his limbs around for emphasis regarding the urgency of the situation.

He really wasn't paid enough to deal with this nonsense. "She's been in love with you for forever. You know that. Everyone know that. Why is this a problem now?"

Honestly. Hinata had shouted her love for everyone to hear in such an unequivocal way not even the most obvious dunce in Konoha could have missed the message. Although he'd never bothered replying, as far as Shikamaru knew.

A pause. Naruto was no longer imitating an octopus on drugs, but had fallen the bed instead, because clearly nothing that belonged to Shikamaru would be spared from the invasion. "I thought she didn't..you know...really meant it. Just got caught up in the moment, something like that?"

God, save your servant from knuckleheads with trust and self-esteem issues the size of Uchiha Sasuke's ego. "Hinata literally jumped in the arena to fight the leader of S-ranked criminal organisation for you. She said she loved you, to your face, in public. What else does a girl need to do for you to take her seriously?"

"Yeah well, no one ever said they loved me before, ya know, so sorry for not being equipped to deal with feelings!" Naruto snapped as he bolted angrily from the bed.

Well, crap.

It was really not the hour for this shit. Shikamaru had been raised in a clan where every public display of affection were deemed as 'troublesome'. He wasn't equipped to deal with feelings either. Naruto couldn't go to someone with an actual understanding of female psychology, like Sakura? Nobody had mentioned this being part of the job.

Anyway. Naruto was there already, putting all his inner pain at Shikamaru's feet. The Nara would just have to suck it up and deal with years of trauma at three in the morning, no problem.

Shikamaru sat on his bed and turned to face his future Hokage. Who looked deeply embarrassed by his outburst and ready to flee any second now. It simply wouldn't do.

"Naruto, sit down," he tapped the mattress next to him with what he hoped was a friendly but neutral expression.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna go now, sorryaboutthebother!" The jinchuuriki would have bolted out of the room if Shikamaru hadn't held him back by grabbing his vest.

"Sit. The Fuck. Down," Shikamaru gritted his teeth as he practically forced his friend back on the bed. "There. Okay. So."

No going back. No regrets. Shikamaru took a deep breath and ignored the urge to bury himself into his bed and never come out, because who needed social interactions anyway?

"I love you."

The Eyes went all huge and blue and glistening. Overwhelming with more emotions than Shikamaru ever felt in his entire life, or so he told himself. God, feelings were exhausting. No wonder Nara men avoided them like the plague.

"And so does Sakura, and Kakashi-sensei. Chouji and Ino. Kiba, Shino, Tenten, Lee. Tsunade-sama, Gaara-sama and all those people you like to hoard." Shikamaru kept going before Naruto could jump to the wrong (definitely right) conclusions. "I'm not sure Sai has the emotional capacity but if he did, he would love you too."

Shikamaru carefully avoided to mention Sasuke. Because even though he believed the Uchiha did love Naruto, in his own sick, twisted way, he also thought Naruto was better off without it.

"And yes, Hinata is in love with you. Has been for a very long time," he added before he could convince himself otherwise. "So you're not unloved anymore. You're not alone. Please take that into consideration the next time you feel like rushing recklessly into danger."

"Shikamaru..." the orange pest breathed, his voice wavering with emotion. "Warn a guy before you drop stuff like that! It's like, super embarrassing, ya know!"

Shikamaru did know. And now Naruto was crying. Outright, unbashful crying. "But...thanks! I love you guys, too, believe it," the Uzumaki snorted through his manly tears.

As per the Bro Code, Shikamaru allowed himself to pat his buddy on the back. Naruto either didn't know the Bro Code or didn't care, because he went straight for the hug. The Nara founded himself strandled with a lapful of upset Uzumaki, which he might have fantasized about occasionally. Not exactly what he had in mind.

"There, there," he mumbled, trying to keep the panic internalized. Shikamaru didn't have an extensive experience of hugs between buddies. Where were his hands even supposed to go?

Naruto eventually let him go. Shikamaru told himself he wasn't missing the warm embrace already. "So..sorry. Aha, I go a bit overboard when I'm caught off guard!"

As if he didn't know. "It's fine," Shikamaru grumbled as he avoided to the sheepish-looking blond. "So, about Hinata, you should let her down gently if you're not interested. She deserves closure at least."

"What if I don't know if I'm interested or not?"

Be still my heart, Shikamaru silently ordered his rebellious organ. "I guess a date can't hurt, Naruto."

"Right. Right!" Another sheepish look. "And, uh. How does one date, exactly?"

He wanted to scream,

"How would I know? Do you see me drowning with potential significant others? No, because I'm too busy pinning from afar for an oblivious idiot!"

Instead he said, "We'll come up with a plan tomorrow." Shikamaru could do plans. Shikamaru ruled at plans. One of his few redeeming qualities, strategizing.

"Oh gee, thanks!" Naruto deflated with sheer relief. "You really are the best Shika! I owe you like, big time!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Shikamaru fell back into his bed, trying not to giggle happily because they just had a moment. He wasn't a freaking girl yet.

Naruto had vanished before Shikamaru could invite him to stay over or something. It probably was for the best.

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"I heard noises from your room last night," his mother greeted him the next morning as she poured tea in his cup. "Something you want to share with your loving and supportive mother?"

"Not really, no" Shikamaru groaned over his rice. The last thing he needed was his mother being even nosier than usual.

"That's funny. I also saw Naruto-kun exit from your window. What a strange coincidence," Yoshino smiled pleasantly, like a shark.

"Do you ever sleep, or do you just stare at my window all night?" Shikamaru went straight to the offensive, hoping to distract her from her interrogation.

It didn't work. Of all the times to not get angry at him. . .

"Don't take that tone with me young man, I was worried. It's not like you to entertain guests so late." her smile had lost all pretences of politeness and slipped into outward predatory. "Naruto-kun is such a nice young man. Everyone says he's going to be Hokage when Rokudaime-sama steps out..."

Shikamaru stared intensely at his rice without answering. Of all things, his mother had to grant her permission for a relationship that would never happen. She meant well of course, but right now it just plain hurt.

"I wouldn't mind having him for dinner," Yoshino added pointedly.

"He's going to date Hyuuga Hinata," Shikamaru blurted out abruptly. Best to set things right before she got any further ideas.

"Oh." Her eyes lowered. Full of sadness for her poor son and his foolish heart bursting with unrequited affections.

She knew of course. People never gave Nara Yoshino enough credit. They only saw Nara Shikaku's wife and Nara Shikamaru's mother. It was a mistake, because his mother might not be as scarily smart as the men in her life, but she was no pushover either. She saw things, things that sometimes completely escaped her son's notice.

"Well that's too bad for him," Yoshino added decisively, as if not getting to date her son was a true loss.

Shikamaru hid his smile in his tea.

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The Plan went roughly like this:

Step one: Find a date location.

"Not Ichiraku," Shikamaru stopped his future Hokage before he tried to speak. Due to thorough exposure to Naruto's. . .Naruto-ness, the Nara could recognize and take down pre-ramen Eyes two seconds before they even happened. "This date is about Hinata-san, not you."

"Everyone likes Ichiraku, ya know," Naruto mumbled defensively.

He probably didn't want to admit he had no idea what kind of place Hinata would like to go. Because Shikamaru was a shitty friend, he thought that Naruto should ask out someone he actually knew, like, for example Shikamaru. He wasn't shitty enough to say that out loud though. Or brave enough, depending on the point of view.

"I think Hinata-san enjoys pastries. Chouji know a nice tea house near the Hokage Tower. Their buns are, I quote, to die for."

Step two: Find date's date.

Which, with two fully active high-ranked shinobi was harder than it should be.

"Just bully one of the desk-chuunin into giving you her schedule. They're all either terrified or in love with you."

"WHAT? That's not true!" Naruto spurred, scandalized. In his or the chuunins's behalf, Shikamaru wasn't sure.

"Just try it. Bat your lashes, and I bet they'll fall over themselves to give you what you want," he smirked at Naruto's blushing cheeks.

It totally worked. Shikamaru wasn't the future Hokage's advisor for nothing.

Step three: Get the target to agree to the date.

"Ohmygod I can't do this !" Naruto moaned pitifully with mortification at the simple thought of asking a girl out for real.

"Of course you can. She's already in love with you idiot," Shikamaru rolled his eyes at the blond's antics. "You asked Sakura on dates a hundred time."

"Yeah, when I was twelve and knew she'd never say yes anyway! I bet Hinata fell out of love or something. I bet she's going to laugh."

Okay no. Just, no. That was just offensive to everyone who had to watch Hyuuga Hinata stumble over her own feelings over and over. Shikamaru pinched in his nose tiredly and prepared himself for an intervention.

"Naruto, here's what you're going to do. You're going to ask Hinata for a minute of her time. Then, you will apologize for not replying to her confession sooner. You will thank her for her affection, and also for risking her life to save yours. You will tell her that you can't return her feelings at the moment, but you're willing to try."

Shikamaru paused before going for the kill. "And then you ask her on a date."

And Naruto did, stuttering and blushing all the way. Must be nice for Hinata not to be one falling over themselves for once. She agreed, of course.

The Plan worked perfectly. Shikamaru's plans often did. And the next morning Naruto spent an entire hour gushing about Hinata-chan, how pretty she looked and how nice she was and she liked gardening too, could you believe it?

Wasn't Hinata-chan amazing, right?

Right.

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Empty bottles of sake piled up all over the counter, the familiar smell of alcohol imbued the air of the bar. At least two tables had been ravaged, their broken remains scattered over the wooden floor, and Shikamaru knew for a fact five bones of unwise shinobi had been fractured already. From behind his counter, the bartender had the look of a man ready to kill to get his hellish night to end.

And in the middle of the battle-like zone, Haruno Sakura.

Completely wasted.

In general, Shikamaru didn't liked the nickname of 'New Sannin' the former Team Seven had been branded with. Partly because his mind couldn't seem to combine his memories of three brats to such an heavy title, no matter how strong and influential said brats had gotten. But mostly because making comparisons was the quickest way to make erroneous analysis. People had their own personalities, and were not copies of their teachers. Sasuke had many faults, and by the Sage didn't he, but he was not Orochimaru, neither was Naruto Jiraiya's copy. Seemingly, Sakura was no Tsunade.

Even though at that instant, Shikamaru had to admit the resemblance was nothing less than striking. He briefly considered walking away from the disaster. Ino could abuse her power over ANBU and send all the threatening notes she wanted, Shikamaru was no lackey of hers.

"Hey, Sakura," he eventually said as he leant against a pillar, his hands in his pocket and his eyes half-closed. Better to look as harmless as possible. In her state, Sakura might want to fight against him if he looked competent enough, or worst, patronizing. She had pummeled Lee to the ground the last time he had tried to bring back 'his youthful flower' home safe. He had loved every second of it of course, the weirdo.

"Eeeeh," Sakura's blurred green eyes narrowed at him. "Sh'kam'ru!"

Close enough. Also, she was smiling at him. Shikamaru had a good feeling regarding his survival after all. "'Wat ya doin' 'ere?"

"Heard the commotion," he lied without a second thought. "Thought I should do my duty as a citizen of Konoha and come help."

"'kay," she wobbled uncertainly on her legs. "Truth now?"

The corners of his mouth tugged involuntary into a grin. Even with her brain soaked in alcohol, Sakura was still the Kunoichi. She could and would shove your bullshit up your very own arse. "Ino sent me. She's too busy torturing people for the Greater Good to come get you."

"Ino-pig," Sakura snorted as she finally reached him. "Always ruinin' my fun!"

"Right. So, you coming with me?" he ignored the liberal use of the word 'fun' and crossed his fingers behind his back.

For a second, Shikamaru actually thought she was going to smash his face into tiny pieces for daring to bother her. Instead she threw up next to his shoes, wich was a better outcome, but only marginally.

"Ugh," she wiped her mouth with her hand before staring at her own puke with professional consideration. "M so wasted, man."

All the fools who had yet to run away from the bar nodded along at this pearl of wisdom. The bartender gave Shikamaru another murderous glare that could be translated as, "Get this shit away from my workplace, arsehole'. Shikamaru replied with a 'working on it' shrug.

"Kay, let' go," Sakura decided. "Piggy-back ride? I promise I won' puke again."

Shikamaru fell on his knees with a resigned groan. Sakura climbed gingerly on his back. Her limbs arranged themselves around his skinny frame, her legs circling his hips, her arms around his neck and her head resting over his shoulder lazily. The things he had to do for his poorly adjusted camarads. Ino owned him big time for this.

"All set?" he felt confident enough to pat patronizingly the leg of the monster using his back as her napping place.

"Yup! Fo' the record, my aim sucks, but I can still crush your head!" the terrific medic cheerfully patted his head back.

Shikamaru made his way to the barely lightened streets as Sakura gave the fingers to the bartender. He was eighty percent sure she rose the wrong fingers. They won a few startled glances at the incongruous sight of Shikamaru carrying the prodigious medic nin piggy-back style, but as a whole the wildlife of two-in-the-morning-Konoha couldn't care less.

Sakura thankfully abstained from insulting anyone on the way, contenting herself with giving unlikely directions to the location of her flat and singing off-tune to herself a bawdy ballad about a Sand prostitute, a drunken dwarf and a three-legged dog. She stopped her song in the middle, distracted by the sight of Shikamaru's hair shaking in the wind.

"Well? Keep going," he called her out with false disapproval. "I want to know what happens to the dwarf in Rice Country."

Sakura snickered in his shoulder as she snuggled closer. A few strands of pink hair tingled over his skin. Underneath the stench of alcohol and puke, she smelt of antiseptic, jasmine and sadness. "You're a good person Shikamaru."

He snorted in derision. He really wasn't. Shikamaru, as Ino liked to complain, was just the worst.

"You are too!" Sakura protested, oddly outraged on his behalf. "Like, you're carrying me home at. . . What time is it?"

"Two."

"Two! And we're not even that close!"

True. If Sakura was one of his 'precious people' as Naruto would say, tears in his eyes, they didn't knew each other that well. Both Ino and Naruto, and a heavy history in common tied them together irreversibly, in a way that Shikamaru would die for Sakura without a second of hesitation, but he wouldn't know what to give her for her birthday.

"Also, you're super nice to the idiot," Sakura kept going, unbothered by the lack of reply from his side of the conversation. "Helping him with the Hokage thing and all that."

Ah. But Shikamaru wasn't helping Naruto out of the goodness of his heart or to be a great friend. No, he was making himself indispensable to his future Hokage to satisfy his own pathetic needs to be in his presence. There was nothing nice about that.

"T's always Shikamaru this or Shika-kun when he tells me about his day..."

"Not Hinata-chan?" he interrupted her rant before he could stop himself. His heart tugged in pleasure because apparently Naruto was speaking of him often and wasn't that thrilling to hear.

"Uh-huh, that too," Sakura nodded sleepily. "He's so happy. Glowing. Like a pregnant woman. T's unbecoming. Hinata's great. You great too. I should marry you, or Hinata. But Naruto would pout. He totally would. Bet he'd be even more insufferable than Ino-pig..."

Her rambling died over his shoulder, while Shikamaru's tired brain tried to process this unexpected amount of information. "Why were you drinking Sakura?"

He thought she might not answer. He knew she wasn't asleep yet with the way she tensed against his back. "'cause men sucks," she finally replied. "Not you. Or Naruto."

"Sasuke sucks," he added for her.

"Sasuke sucks the worst," Sakura snorted, her voice shaking at the edge between anger and sorrow. "He asked me out today ya know. But not in a 'I'm sorry I treat you like shit, can you forgive me so we run together in the sunset?' kind of way. More like 'Hn. Gotta remake my clan. I've picked a restaurant'."

Uchiha Sasuke, the great romantic. What a surprise. "You punched him in the face?" Shikamaru asked hopefully.

"Ah! Should have! Such an arsehole," she giggled helplessly. "Told him I'd think abou' it. You should have seen his face. Like he couldn't believe I wasn't falling at his feet o' something."

"You should definitely punch him in the face next time."

"...Ino and you are more alike than I thought."

"You take that back," Shikamaru scowled without conviction.

When they reached her flat, she slid off his back flawlessly and spent less than one minute looking for her keys. A record compared to Drunken Ino.

"Thanks Shikamaru," Sakura smiled earnestly. "You really are a good person."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," he slouched on her door. "Sleep on your side. And drink water."

"Not my first rodeo, mother!"

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When Shikamaru walked back into the Hokage Tower, half an hour late, his shirt inside out and his mind blurry with the lack of caffeine, Naruto was already there, in the room those deemed as 'Hokage's assistants' had to share. His personal nuisance had helped himself over Shikamaru's desk, chatting up his colleague Mori Reiko, a desk chuunin who didn't seem to know wether to swoon or to call for reinforcement.

"I hope you're here to hand over that report of Sand-Rain relation politics like I asked you to do a week ago," Shikamaru gathered his best scowl to counter Naruto's inevitable beam. "Morning Reiko-san. The idiot wasn't bothering you?"

His shy-spoken colleague babbled a hello and a rebuttal. He smiled back at her. Reiko had a true genius regarding politics and foreign affairs, unfortunately her social skills didn't quite follow.

"Hey, watch out who you call an..Err..." Naruto surprisingly stumbled upon the end of his own sentence.

Shikamaru blinked curiously. The Eyes had gotten all wide and shocked. Sage, was Naruto blushing? "What."

"Your...Your hair!" Naruto pointed out Shikamaru's face like it had personally offended him. Rude. "Are you seeing this too?" he added for Reiko's benefit, who shruggled helplessly.

"What of it?" he automatically touched his hair. It didn't smelt or anything, so he failed to see what the big deal was, especially for Naruto-Orange-Jumpsuit-Uzumaki.

"It's down," his friend whispered dramatically, almost reverently.

Okay, right. Naruto was having a freak out because Shikamaru forgot to tie up his hair. He wasn't so sure about his choice of Hokage anymore. If such a small detail threw Naruto off the rail, he was never going to win any negotiations.

"And?" Shikamaru rose an eyebrow sarcastically. "Did you thought my hair stayed upright all the time?"

"Hey! Ten years of friendship and I've never seen it outside of your clan's weird spiky thing..."

"It's a ponytail Naruto-sama," Reiko added earnestly.

"Weird spiky ponytail, so I'm entitled to my surprise!" Naruto finished his rant with a wide gesture of the hands encompassing Shikamaru's entire body.

Sage, what a weirdo. "Sure, whatever," he rolled his eyes. "So, that report?"

"Who cares about some stuffy report?" Naruto crossed his arms defiantly while Reiko snickered confusedly behind her hands. "This. Needs. Fixing!"

"I care. If you don't do it, I have to. And it's just hair, get over it. I don't have anything to tie it up with anyway."

Reiko silently handed over to Naruto-this-is-unacceptable-young-lady-Uzumaki the rubber band she kept around her wrist. Betrayed by one of his own, once again. Shikamaru gave her a stink glare for enabling the idiot's foolishness. How was he going to learn now?

"Lady," Naruto positively sparkled. "You are a Goddess among men. Truly. Now you sit."

After so many years of exposure to Ino's bossiness, Shikamaru had long mastered the art of passive-aggression, and he made a point to annoy Naruto as much as possible when the latter forced him into his own chair. No one could drag their feet like a born Nara.

"You're weird," he dryly informed his future Hokage. "So weird. The weirdest. You out-weird Sai, which I didn't think was possible."

"Impossible is my credo, ya know," Naruto proclaimed proudly as he poked around Shikamaru's scalp, clearly unsure of the protocol to follow. Hopeless, utterly hopeless. "Errr..."

"Just give it to me," Shikamaru sighed, holding out his hand expectantly. "I'll do it, since there is no hope to be found for you."

"No, I do it! I can! I'm going to be Hokage, ya know, I can do a stupid ponytail with your stupid hair! Just watch me!"

Shikamaru held back a snarl as the blond gathered all the strands forcefully, his tongue held out in concentration. It wasn't cute, not cute at all, he firmly told himself.

"There!" Naruto pointed out his work to Reiko, who was holding back her hilarity so hard he actually feared for her health. "Best hairdresser or what?"

Bravely keeping his smirk at bay, Shikamaru tentatively shook his head and touched his hair. This had to be the sloppiest ponytail in history of all sloppy ponytails. His five years old cousin would do a better work. He said: "Amazing. I'm never taking it off."

Naruto positively glowed at the praise. He would have to let Naruto torture his hair into submission every day now, he just knew it. And he couldn't even be upset about it, because it would keep Naruto happy and get him to touch Shikamaru on a regular basis.

Reiko stared at the two of them, back and forth. Her mouth went all 'ooooh' in realisation. Great, someone else who knew about Shikamaru's inconvenient crush over his friend, future boss and incidentally taken man.

"Great job," he gave Naruto's shoulder a pat. "Now, that report?"

Naruto's groan made all the struggles worth it.

.

.

He couldn't tell at what moment Naruto stopped being this funny but annoying friend. He only noticed that the distant friendship had shifted into something scarier when he founded himself drowning in it. All the feeling. He so wished he could just compact the fluttering butterflies under his eyelids and the hunger resting in his belly and gave them to Choji to eat.

Before Shikamaru knew it, the curious glances had turned into fond looks and famished stares. The rare times he got to a glimpse of the cheerful tornado, he just drank on the sunlight like a starving man.

Another Hyuuga Hinata, pining from afar, earnestly hunting for crumbs of sunlight. Craving and fearing Uzumaki Naruto's attention all at once. Except unlike Hinata, Shikamaru didn't have the decency to look pretty when stalking the object of his reluctant affections.

However, despite the depth of the disease, he had faith he would have gotten over it eventually. If Naruto hadn't been, you know, Naruto.

Shikamaru blamed The Eyes. For everything.

.

Uh, look at that. I'm writing romance. Crackish romance but still. I don't recognize myself anymore.

Next chapter: Hinata! This will probably be set into three parts. If I finish it. Which I rarely do. Fair warning. EDIT: It's going to be 7 chapters, at least

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