Narcissa breathed in deeply, her gaze moving away from Hermione. How could she possibly begin to describe her feelings towards her eldest sister, if with every word she would add hurt to an already wounded young witch?

From the moment they had stepped inside this magicless bubble, she could see how Hermione's emotions became more apparent. The anger that she had kept bottled upside, now flowing freely with every piece of information she was fed. Then there was the hurt, the outburst back in the office that had shaken her to her core.

Hermione Granger wanted to die. Voluntarily. Or had want to, at one point in her life and she was responsible for that. It was her family after all that played the biggest part in the wars of years past, her family that went after Potter and his friends, her family that for years and years had hurt people just because their blood wasn't as pure as their own.

The Weasley boy had lost a brother. Potter - no, Harry - had lost every member of his family at the hands of a man who still terrified her to this day. And yet, he had forgiven her. He had stood on her doorstep, with an offer to talk and they did. For hours. The boy had listened to her and she, in turn, had listened to him, and neither had ever discussed the tears that fell between them. That was theirs and theirs alone. In a strange way, they had bonded over Voldemort, if he had known, he'd probably would have turned around in his unmarked grave.

But Hermione... she was complex. Angry. Hurt. Lonely. Feelings she knew well but had learned to suppress as she grew older. She wouldn't wish the same for Hermione, it felt like breathing without actually living. For months she had seen the same in her son, until she got him some proper help. Oh, he had fought her tooth and nail but in the end, he had thanked her. Draco was doing well now, forever scarred, but at least he was truly living now.

"Narcissa?"

She looked up in surprise and muttered an apology. "Sorry. I was far away for a moment." She glanced back to Hermione who had now inched backwards, her back against the wall. Her head was resting on her knees, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. Even now, she looked so small, and yet so incredibly angry. Her breathing rapid, her nostrils flaring, waiting for Narcissa to give her to ammunition she needed to have another outburst.

She'd indulge the girl once and only once.

"Being the eldest of the Black children wasn't an easy task," she started. "In fact–"

"So, you are telling us how poor Bellatrix became the evil person she was."

And there it was. A fake pout on an angry face. She watched as Hermione held her head up high.

"Do you really think that hearing about her hardship growing up is going to sway me? Forgive her for all she has done? Weep over her grave?"

Narcissa sighed and counted to ten in her head. Inhaled. Exhaled. All too aware of the muscle twitching in her upper lip, begging to move the lips and let out a sneer.

"Bellatrix's redemption arc is truly and well not on its way."

She couldn't help but chuckle in amusement, a thin layer of annoyance bubbling nearby.

"You mistake me for someone who thinks my sister could be redeemed, Hermione. I'm well aware that she can't. Not after all that she's done. But Ms. Lovegood asked me to share a fond memory and you promised you would listen."

"Narcissa is right, Hermione."

Hermione scoffed but motioned for her to continue.

"As I'm sure you're aware, we were educated at home before we were old enough to go to Hogwarts. I've done my research on primary schools in the Muggle world. You're taught different subjects and you play games. You get to interact with other children of your age. Being homeschooled is nothing like that. We went through rigorous training from the moment we were old enough to hold a wand in our nimble fingers."

Narcissa held up a hand when Hermione opened her mouth.

"Y-you are to listen," she said, her hands trembling in her lap. "We had different roles in our household. From the moment she was born, Bellatrix's was to take over the duties of my father. She was to marry Rodolphus shortly after her sixteenth birthday. The Lestrange family - in my father's eyes - was one of two families worthy of marrying into our family. You're quite aware of who the other family is, I presume."

"The Malfoys," Hermione stated.

"Indeed. I'm not quite sure who my father had intended for Andromeda to marry. Their relationship was always tumultuous, and after Andromeda ran off, her name was forbidden in our household. Perhaps she was supposed to marry Rodolphus' younger brother."

She scrunched up her nose even thinking about it. Andromeda Lestrange. How strange the world would've been if that had been the case. She couldn't help but think at the end of the day, Andromeda had been smartest of them all. Running away as soon as she had a chance, being in a loving relationship until the day her husband died, murdered by a group of snatchers who couldn't wait to inform the Black family of what they'd done. It had horrified her, her heart had ached for her estranged sister, even more so when news came that Nymphadora had perished as well.

"Bellatrix wasn't as enthusiastic about the idea as my father was. She rebelled against it, but ultimately realized that while she was to be married, it wouldn't stop her from adventures outside of the marriage."

"So–"

"Hermione Granger," Luna barked. "We listen with our ears."

"Ultimately her rebellion turned into some sick affection for Voldemort. I'm convinced it did. We never spoke about it, it was hard to get Bellatrix to talk about anything other than her family, Voldemort or the..." her voice trailed off.

"The war."

Alright. She'd allow Hermione one more interruption. Just the one. Her patience was wearing thin and no matter how hurt Hermione was, she could at least have the decency to let her finish the story.

"We went to a Muggle zoo once."

"What!"

A smile tugged at Narcissa's lips.

"There are no zoo's in the magical world. Our animals roam freely. That is, most do. But we certainly do not put them on display for all to see. Bellatrix was fourteen years old when we went. I was eleven, it was right before I was to go to Hogwarts and join the Slytherin house."

She grabbed one of the pillows from the couch and put it on her lap, her fingers running over the smooth fabric.

"As we walked around, our father told us to take a good look around. He said if the Muggle world would know about our existence, this is what they would do to us; put us on display, for the entire world to see. We would be mocked, hunted and killed, all for the amusement of Muggles. I was horrified, to say the least. Andromeda was skeptical, even then. But Bellatrix, she soaked up those words. It was one of the first times I saw something in her eyes that I did not recognize. She walked around as if she owned the place, as if every other guest at the zoo was not worthy to be in her presence. Andromeda called it puberty; my parents called it their proudest moment yet.

"What was your favorite animal?"

Narcissa looked up in surprise.

"At the zoo. What was your favorite animal?" Hermione asked again.

"The elephants. I had never seen one before, they don't exactly roam around free in England. I thought they were majestic looking. They were all huddled around this one tiny elephant, a newborn baby I presume. When my mother saw me looking at them, she said, 'That is your role, Narcissa. To protect your family. At all costs. Do you understand?' I nodded, but I had no idea how true those words would become in days yet to come."

The smile that had rested on her lips faltered and for a moment she wondered if she had known, whether she would've changed anything. Could she have run away like Andromeda had? Left Bellatrix on her own with their parents? She liked to think that what little humanity Bellatrix still had left in her, was due to her, but perhaps she was just as much to blame for all the darkness she had in her. She'd never tried to stop her, had she?

"Bellatrix wanted to see the reptile house. My parents and Andromeda stayed outside, but I was curious. She took me by the hand as we walked through the door. I still remember being so utterly scared of all the snakes, even though they were behind glass. But Bellatrix, she was absolutely enthralled. She told me facts about all the snakes and frogs. How deadly some of them were, but she also taught me that some of the deadliest things were the most beautiful. I suppose there's some strange irony in that now, but back then it meant everything to me, I just didn't understand why. Perhaps I still don't. But that time we spent together there, free from our parents, free from lessons and discipline, just Bella and I... It was beautiful. I suppose that's why it's one of my fondest memories."

"Thank you for sharing, Narcissa. Why don't we take a small break, and gather back here after lunch?"

Narcissa nodded and fled the room as quickly as she could, not wanting to give Hermione even the slightest chance to sneer at her. Entering the bathroom, she locked the door behind her and rested her back against the door. Her palms were sweating, and her breathing was coming much quicker than she had realized. She let herself sink to the ground and focused on merely two things: inhaling and exhaling.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there, feeling as if all the energy had been drained from her body. It was a soft knock on the door that ultimately pulled her from her thoughts. Then she heard a small thump and frowned.

"I liked otters."

Narcissa didn't say anything. Once again, Hermione had interrupted a moment she desperately needed. But Hermione was also opening up to her, and wasn't that exactly the point of this whole retreat?

"My parents often took me to the zoo. I can't say I agree with your parents' views of zoos, but I will admit that caging animals is wrong. The zoos we went to were educational, I suppose we thought that was better. I would sit on a bench with my parents and watch the otters for hours, didn't care much for the other animals. Most of them scared me. But otters were so... carefree? They were clever, I even saw one juggling small rocks once," Hermione chuckled softly. "I thought it was magical before I even knew magic actually existed. When I first performed the Patronus Charm, I wasn't all that surprised when an otter appeared. It was beautiful, so carefree and I…I felt jealous of it. I don't remember what it's like to be carefree. There were just endless stacks of homework, saving the boys from whatever problem they created and then... well," Hermione sighed. "You know... the war."

"I've never produced a full, corporeal Patronus," Narcissa admitted. "Not at Hogwarts, which I suppose makes sense, but we did try sometimes, and not outside of it. I could never get it to work. Nothing but silvery wisps. I suppose the happy memories weren't strong enough. Or perhaps I'm just–"

"What about Bellatrix?"

"What?"

"Did Bellatrix ever produce a Patronus?"

Narcissa swallowed then, her eyes filling with tears, willing the memory that penetrated her mind to go away.

"Once. Only once."

"What happened?"

"I don't wish to discuss it and you have to accept that."

Hermione scoffed, even from behind the door she could hear it, she met it with an eyeroll of her own.

"You expect me to share my darkest secrets so I can heal, but you won't entrust me with yours?"

"Entrusting you with a secret is not the same as trying to get you to heal from the hurt you've endured. Are you honestly expecting me to believe that you trust me?"

"No."

The answer was quiet, but Narcissa nodded. Truth was good.

"What was her Patronus?"

Narcissa hesitated. Sharing that tidbit wouldn't hurt, but Bellatrix had made her promise to never speak of it, as if she was embarrassed that she could produce something so beautiful, from memories so dark.

Her Patronus had been cast before she received the dark mark and Narcissa didn't want to think about what would have happened if Bellatrix had tried after receiving the dark mark. She had heard the stories of wizards consumed by maggots and whether it was reality or fable, to her no one deserved such a fate.

"It–" her voice wavered, and she coughed to clear it. "A snake. It was a snake."

She closed her eyes, preparing herself for the remark that surely would follow suit. A sneer from Hermione to indicate just how evil her sister was. It never came.

"I suppose that makes sense. From your zoo story."

She released her breath then. Perhaps they were truly getting somewhere after all.

She was wrong. They were getting absolutely nowhere at all. Three hours had passed since lunch.

Three hours of Hermione Granger acting like a petulant child as she - once again - sat on the floor, far away from either woman trying to help.

Three hours of Hermione Granger pointing fingers at either woman for daring to suggest she'd talk about what was truly bothering her.

Three hours of Hermione Granger refusing to answer any question that Luna directed towards her.

Three hours and Narcissa was fed up.

"Speak," she bellowed finally, straightening her back as soon as the word left her mouth. She knew exactly what to say to get Hermione to talk and while she didn't want to resort to it, it was obvious Luna was getting nowhere with her.

"Narcissa," Luna gently scolded.

"No. Enough." She turned to Hermione then, waited until Hermione made eye contact with her and then said the one sentence, she knew would absolutely spark a reaction in her. "You are just like Bellatrix."

One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. And there it was. That fire in her eyes.

"I AM NOTHING LIKE BELLATRIX LESTRANGE."

"Could've fooled me," Narcissa said casually, as if she never baited the girl at all. "You are both stubborn. You both refuse to talk about your problems. You both think you're so much better than everyone else."

Hermione cocked her head to the side and Narcissa knew then that what Hermione was about to say was going to hurt.

"If we are so alike, why is your sister dead and I am not?"

Hurt it did. So very much so. But she wasn't about to let Hermione get away with it. Hermione wanted to fight? A fight she would get.

"But you want to be."

Hermione's eyed bulged. She stood up from her spot, took two steps towards Narcissa and accusingly pointed a finger at her. "You had no right," she hissed.

"Is it true?"

Hermione whipped her head around towards Luna. "Is what true?"

"Would you rather be dead?"

Narcissa felt for Luna, could hear the emotion in her voice, saw the eyes that filled up with tears. This wasn't just anyone they were talking about, at the end of the day Hermione was first most Luna's friend.

"No," Hermione said. She buried her fingers in her hair and paced around. "Yes? I mean no. I mean... yes, I said it, but I didn't mean it. I was angry and I latched out. Maybe back then I did, but now that I have this parasite in me, it's surprising how much you suddenly want to live."

"That's a textbook response, Hermione. But is it true?"

Narcissa could see how tired Hermione truly was. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she wondered if she had even eaten, she surely wasn't when Narcissa had been downstairs for lunch. Her shoulders nearly slumped in defeat.

"I don't know anymore."

"That's good progress," Luna said, satisfied with the answer. "It's an honest answer and one we can work with. Can you tell us about it?"

Hermione scoffed. "What's there left to say?"

"Everything," Narcissa countered. "Tell us what happened?"

"You saw what happened. You were there."

"I heard you scream," Luna said quietly. "We all did. Ron was beside himself, Harry called for help with his mirror, we but all heard you. It was unlike anything I've ever heard."

Narcissa's gaze kept going from Hermione to Luna, ultimately setting on Hermione. She was silently hoping she would find the strength to tell them about it. Even if she had been there, had seen Bellatrix straddle Hermione, had heard the screams that came from her, those piercing, piercing screams that haunted her in her nightmares.

"I can still feel her weight on me," Hermione murmured. She had moved to the window, staring out of it as she softly spoke. "Not too heavy and yet it's the heaviest weight I've ever felt. Her hair was like a curtain around my face and I couldn't see anything except for her eyes. There was nothing there but anger. I tried so hard to fight her off and yet I don't think I moved at all."

Hermione's voice cracked and Narcissa could see in the reflection of the window how tears streamed down her face. When Luna moved to stand up to consolidate her, Narcissa stopped her with her hand and a slight shake of her head.

"I-I thought I was going to d-die there. Every time s-she said that cursed word and pain soared through my body, I thought it would give up. I couldn't think, couldn't speak, all I could do was scream and e-everything was so loud, her voice was so incredibly loud in my ears. I didn't even feel the knife at first, but when I did, I could feel every letter almost being burned into my skin. I knew what she was marking me with, how vile I felt with her on top of me, and right then and there... yes, I did wish I would die."

Hermione turned around and looked Narcissa straight in the eyes. Her tone wasn't accusatory, but a mere plea of help as she spoke.

"Why didn't you help me? You're a mother, you weren't as far gone as she was and yet you did nothing," Hermione sobbed. "You just stood there, you didn't even look away, you were emotionless."

"I was taught to be."

"But you are a mother. A mother is supposed to protect her children, surely that means you have an instinct to protect other children as well. That must be how that works. You must have felt something."

"Everything." Narcissa nodded.

"Then why?"

"Bellatrix needed answers from you and as ashamed as I am to say it, I needed you to give her those answers. If I had pulled her away from you, she would've killed you, you would've been useless to her. If she was... interrogating you, you would be safe."

"I can't wrap my head around that," Hermione softly admitted. "I saw Lavender being attacked and consequences be damned, I stopped him from hurting her any further."

"He wasn't Bellatrix, though. Bellatrix was beyond reason at that point, Hermione. You don't have to understand or even trust me when I say this, but I promise you that what I did, I did in your best interest. If I wasn't looking out for you, I would've spoken up when I saw Dobby unscrew the chandelier."

"You attacked Dobby," Hermione pointed out. "Before Bellatrix threw that knife, you were casting a spell."

"I had to. But as you are quite aware, Dobby took my wand from me." Narcissa was quiet for a moment, not quite sure whether telling Hermione what she had seen, would completely unhinge the girl. "Bellatrix pushed you out of the way."

"What?"

"When the chandelier fell, she pushed you out of the way. If she wanted you dead, she would've just let you drop to the floor, you were too weak to stand. She pushed you out of harm's way, Hermione. Bellatrix never meant to kill you."

"Only seriously harm, hm?" Hermione scoffed. "So what? She did one thing in the heat of the moment, and that's supposed to make it all okay?"

"Not at all. But you seem convinced that it was my sister's intention to kill you. You were nothing but a pawn for Bellatrix. She needed information and she did whatever she had to, to get that information. It's why I don't think she intentionally placed this curse on you, didn't intentionally meant to suppress your magic like that."

"I-I had honestly forgotten I have a parasite in me for a moment," Hermione said. She chuckled and within seconds she was laughing until her belly hurt.

Neither Narcissa nor Luna joined her. There was absolutely nothing to laugh about. But Narcissa knew, knew the pain Hermione was in, knew it was easier to laugh when she had spent so much energy talking about that horrific torture she went through.

"Can we stop for today?"

Luna nodded. "I think we should."

"Is no one going to ask me? What if I wish to discuss it further?"

"You asked me why I am here," Narcissa said. "I'm here to stop you from overexerting yourself and right now, Hermione, you're barely keeping it together. Understandably. You need rest. Go upstairs and I will bring you some dinner. We can continue this tomorrow."

"You have no idea how strange it is," Hermione whispered.

"How strange what is?"

"To lay in a bed with someone who... what you did... I can't forgive you for it, because I can't understand it."

"It's no... what's that muggle saying? It's no picknick for me either?"

Hermione chuckled softly. "Yeah, that's it. Do you think she did it on purpose?"

"Ms. Lovegood?"

Narcissa thought about it for a while, by the time she answered she was sure Hermione had fallen asleep. "I think so." She felt Hermione shift then and turn towards her.

"Why?"

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer?"

"You're just full of muggle sayings today," Hermione whispered. "Plus, you always say you're not an enemy."

"Then perhaps it's just so you're not alone at night. And," Narcissa sighed, "I suppose that goes for me as well. It's a mutual beneficiary thing."

"I miss magic. I feel so empty without it. Like everything is off and I can't reach that fundamental part of me."

Narcissa nodded. "That's how I feel when you insisted I should feel comfortable in these horrible outfits. It's not me. This isn't the attire I would ever chose to sleep in."

"Do you have spider pajamas?"

Narcissa chuckled. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I bet even your nightwear is tailored for you."

"It is."

"Now, that is ridiculous."

"Go to sleep, Hermione."

She hesitated for a moment before reaching out and cupping Hermione's cheek with her hand. She wiped away the tear that slowly rolled down from her cheek with her thumb.

"Magic isn't what makes you who are you, Hermione. You're a good person who has been through a lot. I understand you miss it, but it's not all that you are."

"It feels like that sometimes. Being part of the golden trio and all. Some days it feels like without it, I am nothing."

Narcissa swallowed thickly, moved her trembling hand to Hermione's back and pulled her close. She waited until Hermione's stiff body relaxed into hers and started to gently stroke her hair.

"You are all that is good, Hermione. You have so much talent, talent that goes far beyond the realm of the wizarding world. You are passionate and kind. You fight for the underdog, not because you have to, but because that is who you fundamentally are."

"Am I going to die?"

Narcissa's breath hitched in her throat. It was a question she had asked herself many, many times during the day. Even if they were able to manage Hermione's anger, she still had something inside of her that wanted out, one way or another.

"Not if I can help it," Narcissa said firmly. "I will do anything to make sure you'll live a long and happy life, Hermione."