A/N: Figured now is as good a time as any to post my garbage. Don't take this seriously – I sure didn't.

Sector Seven From Ten to Eleven

Chapter 1

Sector Seven From Ten to Eleven is brought to you by Litchi's Cosplay Clinic. Litchi's Cosplay Clinic: for when the nurses at the hospital just aren't sexy enough.

"Look, all I'm saying is that three is clearly superior to two!" Kokonoe proclaimed.

Hazama simply smirked. "It's okay to have opinions, Kokonoe. Even if yours is wrong."

Kokonoe grit her teeth. "Listen, if you prefer your survival horror to not actually be scary, then-"

"Kokonoe!" Tager said over the intercom.

"What?!"

"We're live!"

She immediately paused for a second before turning to the camera and giving a sheepish grin. "Greetings, citizens! Welcome to tonight's show! We've got a doozy for you tonight, so be sure to stay tuned for the whole show!"

"Don't even think of changing to another, far superior channel!" Hazama said from his position behind the keyboard.

Kokonoe glared at him. "Don't you have a cue you just missed?"

Hazama grinned. "If you want music, all you have to do is ask."

"Fine. Play some fitting music."

"I refuse."

"But you just said that all I had to do was ask!"

"I didn't say I'd do it, just that you should ask. Maybe try saying please next time."

"She has a real problem with that word," Tager added.

Kokonoe sighed. "Off to a great start…" she muttered before turning back to the camera. "Anyway, like I was saying, we've got a great show for you tonight! Isn't that right, Lambda?"

Lambda didn't say anything. She was too busy cowering in fear of the lights and cameras due to stage fright to say or do anything other than nod.

"See? She agrees! And not just because she's contractually obligated to or anything! Why don't we tell people what's on the agenda tonight, Azrael?"

Azrael looked surprised to be mentioned by name. "Oh, I have a speaking role? I thought I was just the security guy."

"Everyone at Sector Seven has a speaking role, even Arakune."

Arakune didn't say anything because he was too busy being locked up in a pod and studied deep in the bowels of the facility, although the cameras made sure to cut to him for comment anyway.

Kokonoe clapped her hands together. "Anyway, let the people know what we're doing tonight."

Azrael rubbed the back of his head. "Well, I think you said something along the lines of interviewing somebody-"

"Precisely!" Kokonoe turned back to the camera. "For tonight's show, we've got a special guest lined up who's sure to make everybody happy! Please give it up for Orie!"

All of her fellow cast members exchanged a quick glance with one another.

"Never heard of her," Hazama said.

Despite the lack of enthusiasm from the rest of the cast, Orie walked out on stage and took a seat across from Kokonoe, who grinned at her.

"Welcome, Orie. How was the trip from DLC hell? Any traffic?" Kokonoe asked.

"Did you see Lambda there?" Hazama asked.

Orie looked confused. "Who?"

"Exactly!"

Lambda looked like she was about to cry.

Kokonoe bristled. "I believe I'm the one asking questions here, Hazama," she said.

"Oh, my bad," the NOL captain said. "Please, continue."

"That's better." She turned back to face her guest. "So, what's it like being locked behind a paywall?"

Orie looked a little depressed. "I don't like having to wait a bit before being added to the game, but it's nice to feel included."

"You were a main character in Under Night In-Birth, right?" Hazama questioned. "So you had to have known that you were going to get in eventually."

"Well, yes, but I was just hoping that I would be important enough to have a spot in the base game."

"Look at the bright side, at least you're in the game at all," Hazama said. He paused a bit before continuing, making sure to sneer at Kokonoe as he did. "…Unlike some people."

Kokonoe's eye twitched. She took a deep breath before turning back to her guest. "…Anyway, Orie, how is your newfound popularity treating you? Not many people knew about your home series before your debut in Cross Tag Battle."

Orie bristled. "I don't know if I'd go that far…" she said.

Kokonoe ignored her. "How does it feel to actually get recognized on the street these days? It must be quite something."

The purple-haired girl relaxed a bit. "Well, it is rather nice to have random strangers come up and ask for my autograph. There aren't that many, but there are definitely more than I used to get…"

"I see. How do you think you stack up against the rest of the roster?"

Orie hesitated. "W-well, there are some very strong fighters, that much I can't deny, but I think the training given to me by the Licht Kreis will be more than enough to take them all on."

Hazama grinned. "Big talk, little girl," he said before leaning over his keyboard. "Would you care to put that to the test?" he asked with a grin.

Orie placed her hand on the hilt of her rapier. "Any time," she challenged.

"Now, now, this a show of peace," Kokonoe said. "Besides, I promised the first fight to Azrael, anyway."

"You did?" Tager asked.

"How else did you think I got him to be head of security?"

"Fair enough…"

"U-um..!" came a small voice from behind Kokonoe's chair. She turned around to see Lambda there, doing her best to hide herself from the cameras. "I have a question…"

"Zoom in on her, camera guy, the audience ought to get a good look at the person in the spotlight," Hazama said, causing Lambda to let out a little 'eep!' and duck behind the chair completely.

"Technically this is supposed to be my interview, but I'll allow it," Kokonoe said. "Ask away, Lambda."

Lambda tentatively stuck her head out once again. "O-okay… Um… How did you get the developers to decide to include you in Cross Tag Battle?"

Orie flashed her a small smile. "Unfortunately, I really don't know. Everyone from Under Night sent in about a dozen different audition tapes each, but none of us heard anything back for a while, and once the developers finally got back to us they initially only told the first group who had been accepted. They didn't start informing the runners-up that they'd be included as DLC for a little while."

"O-oh…" Lambda said, clearly crestfallen.

"Don't worry, though. If there's future installments, I'm sure they'll include you."

The Murakumo unit perked up. "…You really think so?"

"I think you have a better chance than you realize."

Hazama quickly bashed out a chord on the keyboard, making everyone turn to him. "We interrupt your regularly scheduled program with a reality check for Lambda-11! Unfortunately, there's an overabundance of artificial humans in the game already, so your odds of getting in are slim to none! Run along now, and let the characters people actually care about have their day in the limelight!"

Lambda started bawling and ran off the stage. Everyone watched her go for a moment before returning to what they were doing.

"So, about Cross Tag Battle…" Kokonoe said.

"Oh, yes, I believe we were discussing my competition?" Orie asked. After receiving a nod of confirmation, she continued. "Well, I think some of them look interesting. I'm looking forward to seeing how good all of the other sword users are, particularly Weiss since she uses a rapier like me. I'm also excited to face off against my fellow Under Night cast members once again. Other than that… um… I guess Nu-13? She seems like she'd be an interesting opponent."

"What about possible partners?"

"I'm looking forward to partnering with Es, Weiss, Ragna…" she trailed off as a small blush crept across her face. "…Hyde…"

"Ha!" Hazama shouted. "I knew it! It's so easy to see! Well, I'm sorry to say kid, but I know for a fact that he likes Linne and Vatista more!"

Orie looked like someone had slapped her. Kokonoe sighed.

"Azrael?" she asked.

"Yes?" came the reply from the head of security.

"Put the boots to him, medium style."

"With pleasure." The Mad Dog cracked his knuckles as he approached the NOL captain.

"Oh, I'm so scared," Hazama taunted. "What are you going to do to me?"

"Oh, I'm not going to do anything to you," Azrael said with a grin as he reached into one of his pockets.

Hazama looked very confused. "Then what are you planning?"

"This."

Azrael withdrew his hands from his pockets to reveal two boiled eggs in each one. Hazama's eyes widened.

"You'd better not."

"Watch me."

Azrael looked to Kokonoe for the signal. She nodded, and before Hazama had a chance to stop him, Azrael threw both eggs onto the ground and ground them beneath his feet. Hazama simply watched in somber silence as the Mad Dog lifted his heels, showing the ruined eggs beneath them.

"Anyway, now we can get back to what's really important," Kokonoe said. "What do you think of the rest of the cast? Do you get along well with them?"

Orie hestitated. "…More or less. I've got a bit of a friendly rivalry going with Weiss, but for the most part I haven't had much of a chance to really interact with anyone other than the characters from my game yet. I'm hoping to get to know them all much better once I'm properly in the game."

Kokonoe nodded. "How do you fight in those heels?" She pointed to the footwear in question to emphasize her point.

The Licht Kreis Executor simply grinned. "Lots and lots of practice."

"Yeah, but they're six inch stilettos, and you do kicks in them! That means you're placing your weight on just one of them a lot of the time, and also doing complicated maneuvers at the same time! How the hell does that work?"

Orie shrugged. "I've never really struggled with them, they've just always felt natural to me. I wonder if anyone else has that problem? Maybe I should ask Nine…"

Kokonoe nodded briefly before getting a weird look on her face. "Hang on, what did you just say?"

Orie looked confused. "What, about my heels? I've never really struggled-"

"No, after that. Something about another character."

"Oh, Nine? I was going to ask if she had trouble learning to fight in heels."

"I see." Kokonoe took a long sip from her nearby cup of coffee. Off in the distance Orie could frantically see Tager trying to figure out how to cut to commercial. She briefly wondered why for exactly three seconds before Kokonoe exploded.

"Are you freaking kidding me?!" The catgirl shouted as she spat her coffee out. "They put Mom in before me?! It's not enough that Dad got in first, but now Mom is in too? And they were both considered before I was?! I mean, I know I'm not the most popular character, what with my status in Chronophantasma and all, but come on! I mean really, Mom?! Who even likes her that much? She's just another damn zoner!" she turned to Orie, who was recoiling in fear. "I mean, what does she have that I don't, huh? HUH?! Answer me, girl!"

"I don't know!" Orie said, terrified.

"I mean, it's bad enough that I got nerfed in Central Fiction, but I can deal with it since I was at least still playable, but then here comes Cross Tag Battle saying that I'm not good enough! Who needs Cross Tag Battle? Not me! I've got my talk show and my work at Sector Seven to keep me busy! I'll just hang out here with… Um…"

She thought hard about who she could hang out with in her free time.

"…Lambda?" Orie ventured.

"Yeah, Lambda! I'll hang out with Lambda! We'll do… whatever it is that Lambda does in her free time when she's not working or crying! We'll have a great time! Right, Tager?"

"Whatever, you say, Kokonoe!" Tager said, before quietly muttering, "damn it, which button cuts to commercial..?"

"Anyway, my point is that I don't need to be in ArcSys' new DLC-fest of a game! I mean, seven dollars for Jubei in Central Fiction was bad enough, but they were almost going to make Yang and Blake paid DLC! Can you believe that? And they've still got half the roster locked behind a paywall! Now, I don't know about you, but I don't want to support developers like that! I'll just find another game series to guest star in!" She turned back to the Executor. "Since you're in Cross Tag Battle, that means that I have a shot at getting into Under Night, right?"

"I don't think that-" Orie began.

"Good! I'll send in my audition tape during the commercial break! And if that fails then there's always another series, like Arcana Heart! I'd be damn good in Arcana Heart, don't you think? They've already got Akane, so another cat girl would fit right in!"

Hazama, having recovered from his egg-induced PTSD, quickly chimed in."Yeah, you'll fit right in, what with your cup size being about as big as the rest of the cast as well!"

That did it. Kokonoe let out a primal scream as she reached behind her and came back with a minigun. She held down the trigger and sprayed the entire room with lead, laughing maniacally as she did so. The rest of the cast ducked for cover as the rounds flew all across the room.

Damn it, we're going to get taken off the air if I don't do something fast! Tager thought to himself. If only I could find a way to cut to commercial..!

He glanced around the room before finally spotting it: a big red button with the words "In case of emergency, cut to commercial" printed on it. He breathed a sigh of relief before briefly wondering how he had missed such an obvious convenience before smashing the button with all of his might.

Sector Seven from Ten to Eleven is brought to you by The Mojave Express Delivery Service: rain, shine, nuclear apocalypse, or gunshots to the head, we promise we'll deliver your package to you, or your money back.