The Sandaime Hokage sat at his desk signing and stamping various documents while slowly puffing on his pipe, the grey clouds of cherry-scented smoke drifting lazily in a cool spring breeze. The quiet, comfortable atmosphere was broken as his door was kicked open, admitting a pair of ANBU carrying a struggling person between them. A person they then unceremoniously dumped on the floor.

The Sandaime gave the ANBU an annoyed look before sighing, gesturing at the groaning man. "Who's he and why'd you bring him here?" he asked, setting his pen down.

"You won't believe it, sir, I still don't," the woman of the pair answered, flicking her long purple hair over her shoulder, "…It's Naruto Uzumaki."

The Sandaime went rigid, his grey eyes widening as he looked down at the person sprawled on his office carpet. "…Is that really you, Naruto?" He asked, an iota of hope leaking into his voice.

Naruto groaned affirmatively into the carpet, rolling over to groggily peer up at the old man. "Hey old man, long time no see," he greeted, and the Sandaime was surprised to hear how deep and gravelly his voice had become. Naruto turned to the ANBU with a scowl. "Least you could do is help me up, ya know."

"I'm not falling for that again," the male of the pair said, rubbing a deep crack on his mask meaningfully.

"Aw whatever," Naruto groaned, pushing himself to his feet and taking the chair in front of the Hokage's desk, yawning and rubbing his eyes. "So what's up, old man? How've you been?"

Hiruzen blinked at him, taking in his appearance. Naruto's blond hair was shorter than he remembered and messier, with a thin coat of stubble on his whisker-marked cheeks. He wore a necklace tucked into the neck of his burnt orange shirt, a faded red vest over that with a brilliantly scarlet sash around his waist, and loose blue pants that led to bandaged but otherwise bare feet. "You…you look like you're older, Naruto," he pointed out faintly.

"I am older. Sixteen, to be precise," Naruto replied bluntly, scrubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, showing the Sandaime the red bandages wrapped around his wrists.

"But how?" Hiruzen asked incredulously, "It's only been five years, and you were nine when you went missing! How is that possible?"

The blond shrugged casually. "A lot's happened in that time." He patted himself down, making a happy sound as he withdrew a large, ornate flask from his sash, popping the cork and taking a long drink. "Ah! There we go." Naruto sighed in relief, giving the old man a lazy smile as he leaned back in the chair and propped his feet up on the desk. "I'd be happy to tell you the story old man, but it's not a short one."

"Be that as it may, I think I need to hear it," the Sandaime replied slowly, hitting the intercom connected to the secretary's desk outside. "Honoka, clear my schedule for today. And also pick up some food, if you please."

"Can she get some ramen?" The Uzumaki asked interestedly, "It's been forever since I've had Ichiraku."

Hiruzen bobbed his head in agreement. "Ichiraku Ramen, then. Tell them to put it on my tab." With that done, he sat back in his chair with a sigh. "I suspect I'll need a drink before this is over," he grumbled, stuffing fresh tobacco into his pipe.

Naruto grinned and shook his flask, the curled dragon carved on the side glinting in the sunlight. "I'm happy to share to what I've got," he said with a mischievous smile. "'S'long as you share your smokes with me."

The Sandaime gave the younger man a searching look, before pushing his tobacco box across his desk. "This is a special blend, don't use too much," he warned with a pointed finger.

Naruto shrugged and set his feet on the ground, digging through the box with narrowed eyes. "Alright, so how do I start this?"

"Usually at the beginning," Hiruzen pointed out with a slight smirk.

"I was actually thinking about somewhere in the middle, but the beginning'll work," he muttered, taking a long pull of his flask. "Alright, so it was my ninth birthday…"

…

"We need to get rid of that little shit."

A blue-haired man looked up from his cup of shoucho and blinked. "I'm sorry, what?" He scratched his cheek with a finger, taking a sip of his drink. "I wasn't paying attention."

The one he spoke to sighed, brushing long brown bangs out of his eyes. "I said," he said forcefully, "We need to get rid of that little demon shit. It's not enough that he mocks us everyday, but now he went and humiliated my son. Beat him up in front of a girl, then dropped a bucket of paint on him before class. This is the last fucking straw! I don't care what happens, I'm getting rid of that shit. Tonight."

"Um, Baiyo," the blue-haired man frowned, "He's a kid, man. Kids are dicks. Doesn't make him a demon."

Baiyo slammed his fist on the table, rattling their glasses. "I don't care what he looks like, Daito! That little bastard made my boy cry! I'll kill him!"

Daito pushed away from the table with wide eyes. "Holy shit, Baiyo! I know you're angry, but murdering a kid ain't the answer! Hell, it's not even an option! You so much as approach that kid with anything even resembling a weapon, I'm calling the Uchiha! I don't give a shit if we're cousins!"

"So what?!" Baiyo shouted, his face reddening with rage. "I'm just supposed to let this go?! You don't have kids, you don't know what it's like to find your little boy hiding in his room, too ashamed to come out because some little bastard was picking on him!"

"So get drunk and find a whore!" Daito called back.

"No, no, I got a better idea," the brunette said, tapping his fingers on the table. "I'll get-I'll get a mob together and we'll hunt the little bastard down and string him up by his ankles!"

The blue-haired man smacked the back of his cousin's head. "What the hell did I just say, man?!" He downed the rest of his shoucho and shook his head. "And what makes you think anyone would form a freaking mob of all things? The hell you think we are, savages?"

"...That little shit's the savage," Baiyo muttered, pouring himself a measure of alcohol. "I'll show him a prank!"

Daito sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're not going to let this go, are you?" He murmured, getting an affirmative grunt from his cousin. Sighing again, he grabbed the bottle and paused as an idea worked its way into his head. "What if we got him drunk?"

Baiyo stopped mid-drink, eyeing his cousin curiously. "...What do you mean?" He asked curiously.

"What if we got him drunk, took him out near a gate and let him wander off?" Daito offered. "It'd scare the life out of him and make you feel better, and it won't end with a dead kid."

Baiyo nodded thoughtfully. "You know, that has some merit," he murmured, tapping his chin. "And the West Gate is always deserted this time of night."

…

Naruto was wandering around the alleys near his apartment, peering into the trash cans for anything useful, like a new (relatively speaking) pair of shorts or a pair of sandals. Spotting the sleeve of a shirt poking out of a can, he reached up and tugged it free, finding a stained white shirt that'd be perfectly wearable with a bit of scrubbing.

Hearing a sudden clatter and a muffled curse, the nine-year old clutched the shirt to his chest and pressed his back against the wall, trying to hide from people coming his way.

"Kid!" A voice called, a blue-haired man peeking into the alley. "Hey kid! I know you're in here somewhere! I'm not gonna hurt ya! Actually, I got something I want to give you!"

"Like what?" Naruto asked suspiciously, popping his head out of the shadows.

Daito sighed inaudibly. "It's a secret, known only to ninja," he said with a friendly tone. "I hear you wanna be one, little man."

"Not just any ninja!" The nine-year old declared proudly. "I'm gonna be Hokage!"

"Oh wow, then you definitely need this, little man." He held up a dark bottle, the character for Sake bright red against a white label. "See, there's something that all the strongest ninja do. They drink this. It's called 'Saké,' and it makes them strong."

"Really?" The young boy asked curiously, taking the offered bottle before looking at Daito suspiciously. "How would you know? Are you a ninja?"

"I'm a genin, actually," the older man pointed out. "See, I didn't get any farther because I learned the secret too late, but it's not too late for you. All you gotta do...is drink."

Convinced, Naruto struggled to pull the cork out of the neck, eventually managing it with the help of his teeth. With no fanfare, he tilted the bottle back, missing the brief shame passing over Daito's expression, before he had to dodge a mouthful of coughed sake. "Woah there!"

Naruto coughed and gasped, rubbing his burning throat. "It burns!" He wheezed, struggling to draw breath.

"That just means it's working," the blue-haired man assured. "Just keep drinking, it'll kick in soon."

Nodding, the nine-year old continued drinking, and it didn't take long for him to become inebriated. Daito sighed as the kid started to sway in place. "Sorry kid, but family's important. Hope you can forgive me someday." He took a small purse of money and stuffed it into Naruto's pocket, putting a hand on his shoulder to steer him through the alleys.

Eventually, they reached the West Gate where Baiyo waited, watching the drunk kid stumble about with a savage, gleeful grin. "Hey, you little ba...kid. You learned the secret, congratulations! But guess what? There are even more secrets out there!" He waved grandly at the open gates.

"Reeeeeallly?" Naruto slurred, peering groggily into the darkness beyond the gates. "I'lik sekrets…" Taking another pull from the bottle, he toddled off into the darkness, nearly stumbling on a loose stone but recovering his balance and continuing with on.

"Hehehe," Baiyo chuckled gleefully, rubbing his hands together like some sort of master villain. "That's right, you little shit. Go find a secret cave…and get eaten by a bear!"

"Oh shut the hell up, cousin," Daito breathed, pinching his nose. "If something happens to that kid, the Hokage's gonna raise all kinds of hell. Now, I'm going to try and suppress this memory with alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol."

…

"...Son of a bitch," the Sandaime muttered, setting his bowl of ramen down on the desk. "And with what happened that night, I didn't notice you were missing until weeks later."

"Eh," Naruto shrugged, slurping up a long bundle of noodles. "I turned out just fine. Pretty damn fine, actually. I should thank that guy."

"You should do it quickly, because I'm going to kill both of them when we're done here," Hiruzen scratched his receding hairline with a sigh. "So, I can see that you didn't get lost in the woods, so what happened next?"

"Well, it was a pretty big bottle and I was a lightweight back then," Naruto continued, taking a long pull from his flask. "So it lasted me quite a while. I'm not sure how long I wandered around, but eventually I came to a small town…"

…

A drunken child staggered through the streets of a small town, loosely holding a mostly-empty bottle in one hand. He paused to lean on a wall and take another swig, pouting childishly as he realized his 'special secret super-ninja juice' was gone, before deciding to go find some more. Stepping down an alley, Naruto slowed to a stop as he groggily made out a blurry shape standing before him.

"Lookit what we got here," a high-pitched voice said, a rail-thin man with his hair covered by a bandana and a greasy nose leering down at the nine-year old. "A lost little kid. What a shame. Ain't it a shame, Kaku?"

"Such a shame, Takai," another, slightly dumber voice replied, coming from behind Naruto. "And he's drunk, too. What kinda shitty parents does this kid have?"

"N'parents," the young blond slurred. "Am 'lone. Am super ninja! Y'bedder watchit, Imma kick y'ass."

"Hear that, Kaku? He's threatening us," Takai shook his head mock-ruefully. "I think we need to teach him a lesson in manners, but lessons aren't free, you know. Why don't you give us everything you got, and we'll teach you how to act right and proper."

"Yeah, right-" Kaku put a strong hand on Naruto's shoulder, only for the boy's knees to buckle, coincidentally driving his shoulder right into the older man's groin. Kaku folded like a cheap chair, his face paling as he let out a high-pitched squeal.

Takai blinked blankly, watching his partner in crime collapse to the ground. "...What the-hey! No one hurts my friend but me!" He lunged at the boy now leaning against the wall, drawing a fist back to strike.

Naruto slipped, sending him to the ground just as the criminal's knuckles sailed through the space his head had just occupied, barely ruffling his hair before impacting the brick wall with a crunch. Takai let loose a keening howl of pain, clutching his ruined hand to his chest and glaring at the swaying child through watery eyes. "You little shit! I'll kill you!" He tried to growl, but it came out as a whimper as he fumbled at his belt, withdrawing a puny knife with a quiet shink.

"My my," an older voice cut in, making the thug whip around to face the source. It was a man, larger and taller, with grey hair pulled into a neat topknot, his face hidden in the shadows of the night. "Two men failing to waylay a child, and a drunk one at that. And to think, I believed one could sink no lower."

"Shut up, old man!" Takai shouted, turning to face the other man and brandishing his knife. "Or I'll gut you!" Something impacted the back of the thug's head, breaking apart and spilling shards down his back.

"H-hey!" Naruto slurred, pointing a finger at the thug. "Leave m'jiji 'lone! Ya jerk!"

Takai's face went slack before he collapsed to the ground, knocked out cold. The old man chuckled warmly, stepping over the body to kneel by Naruto, his face creased in a gentle smile. "You have good aim, child. Tell me, what are you doing out here by yourself? And drunk?"

"Some guy tol' me to drrrink it!" The blond kid replied with wobbly grin. "Said it'deded make me Super Ninja! I wanna be…a souper ninja…"

The older man scowled for a brief second, before smiling once again. "Someone told me something similar, once," he said kindly, "Why don't you come with me, child? As you can see, it's rather dangerous to go alone. What is your name?"

"Am Nar'to!" Naruto declared proudly, staggering in a non-existent breeze. "Nar'to Uzamki! Amma be Ho-hokagi. Best kagi ever."

"You have great ambitions, Naruto," the old man replied, holding out his hand. "Let's get you into a warm bed for the night. Tomorrow, we'll talk."

"What'd 'bout you?" The child asked curiously, tilting his head and nearly overbalancing. "What's yer name?"

"My name is Genji, Naruto. It's a pleasure to meet you."

…

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Sarutobi asked, arching an eyebrow at Naruto.

"You don't recognize the name?" Naruto replied, frowning at the Hokage. "Thought you were called 'the Professor?'"

Hiruzen gave the younger man a deadpan look and flicked a chopstick at him. "I am The Professor, smartass," he shot back with a small grin. "And 'Genji' is a common name. I could go outside, throw my pipe in any direction and hit three Genji's."

"Ah," Naruto shrugged, taking another sip of his flask. "Anyway, after I woke up, I found the old man sitting by my bed with breakfast nearby. He wanted to know where I was from and if I wanted to go back, since my meandering didn't take me all that far. But he made an intriguing offer…"

"…Are you going to tell me what it was?" Hiruzen asked after a moment of silence.

Naruto jumped in his seat, giving a sheepish. "Heh, I forgot you can't see my flashbacks. So here's what happened…"

…

"You're saying a man convinced you that sake was 'super ninja juice,' got you drunk enough to wander out of the village…and you want to go back there?" Genji asked carefully.

Naruto, bouncing on the bed, nodded rapidly. "Yup! How else am I gonna be Hokage if I'm not in Konoha? Ya know, the place where the Hokage is?"

The older man stroked his short grey beard thoughtfully. "Here's an idea, Naruto: Why don't you journey with me for a while, and I'll teach you in the ways of combat. Then, if you still want to return, I will take you back, confident that you can protect yourself." He withdrew an ornate stone flask with dragons carved into it and took a drink, noticing out of the corner of his eye that the kid was watching him suspiciously.

"Why would you do that?" Naruto asked, not quite jumping on the bed but rocking in place, "I mean, you helped me and that was nice and you're really cool and all, but why train me?"

Genji leaned in, his dark grey eyes firm. "Because last night, I saw something in you. It might've been simple luck or natural talent, but you are suited for a fighting style I, myself, am a master of: Suiken, The Art of the Drunken Fist." He smiled gently. "And I wish to see that talent grow."

"But I didn't even do anything!" The blond protested, pausing in thought, "Besides drink the Super Ninja Juice. And it didn't even make me feel super at all…just really good."

"Ah, but that is part of the style," the old man replied, stroking his beard, "A Master, like myself, appears as a drunken stumbling fool while retaining our dexterity, strength and skill. There are some who need the right amount of alcohol to access their full range of skills; I believe that is what happened to you, Naruto. All I wish to nurture that talent, and give it room to grow. What do you say?"

Naruto stilled, gazing at the man with surprisingly sober eyes. "Will it make me a super-awesome ninja?" He asked seriously.

Genji chuckled warmly. "Great ninja rely on misdirection to succeed. One might say that Suiken was tailor-made for ninja."

Nodding firmly, the nine-year old stuck his hand out. "I accept!" he stated, shaking Genji's hand. "Teach me!"

The older man laughed, uncapping his flask and pouring two measures of sake into a pair of dishes. "Let's celebrate," he said, lifting his dish in a toast.

Naruto clinked his dish against Genji's and slurped the sake down, coughing as it hit his throat. "That's spicy," he gasped.

"Indeed, it's a special type that can only found in one place," his new teacher replied, observing as the alcohol hit the boy's system, almost visibly calming him down. "The first lesson, I think, is drinking etiquette. It's simple: You chug from a jug, and sip from a dish."

…

"I won't bore you with the fine details," Naruto continued, stuffing a wooden pipe carved into the shape of a dragon with tobacco and lighting it. "But after I accepted, we traveled around for a week or two while I learned The Way of the Drunken Fist."

"And this involved giving a child easy access to alcohol, yes?" Hiruzen asked with a disapproving frown, puffing away on his pipe.

The blond hummed, blowing a smoke ring as he leaned back in his chair. "That's something I was gonna mention," he held up his flask and shook it, the sake inside sloshing about. "About a week in, I was still convinced sake was 'super-ninja juice,' so I kept trying to sneak some when I thought Genji-ji wasn't paying attention. He tried to wean me off of it, but then we learned something…"

…

Genji sighed deeply as he watched Naruto sip from the dish of sake he'd just poured. "You're too young to be an alcoholic," he muttered, stroking his beard. "I don't know why you enjoy it so much, either. Most children hate the bitter sting."

Naruto licked his lips in satisfaction, brushing his blond hair out of his eyes. "I didn't like it at first, but now I really do!" he chuckled, stretching out on the ground with a sigh as his sore muscles let out pleasant aches. "And it helps me relax after a long day of training, Genji-ji."

The old man perked up, his grey eyes flashing thoughtfully. "It does, doesn't it," he said to himself, observing the relaxing kid. "Naruto, I want to see something. Once you finish your dish, I want you to meditate and see how fast you sober up."

The blond emptied his dish and set it aside with a shrug. "Sure thing, old man."

They fell into silence as Genji observed his student, noticing that, after nearly twenty minutes, Naruto subtly began to shift restlessly. And ten minutes after that, the kid was nearly vibrating with repressed energy. Wordlessly, the old man refilled the dish and passed it to Naruto, who chugged it like a man dying of thirst.

Immediately, he settled down and went still.

"Naruto," Genji said after a few more cycles. "I want you to read this," he held up a thin, well-worn book, passing it over with a flick of his wrist. "I want you to read it twice. Once, without any sake, and the second time with."

"Alright," Naruto replied, bouncing in place.

Thirty minutes later, he set it down and whipped around to look at his teacher. "What did the main character do in chapter three?" Genji asked carefully.

"There was uh, uh a dragon I think? Yeah, a water dragon!" The child replied, tapping his chin in thought. "And then he got all sad and stuff and had some kind of…birthday party?"

"Mm," Genji hummed thoughtfully, filling the dish once more. "Again."

Naruto downed the sake and opened the book again, this time finishing in only ten minutes. At his teacher's look, he shrugged. "It was easier this time," he said simply, sipping from his dish. "And in chapter three, Ryu finds a water dragon that grants him power, then celebrates the anniversary of his wife's death."

"I see," his teacher nodded, stroking his beard. "Well, it seems you are one of them, my student."

"One of who?"

"The lucky few whose wits are sharpened, not dulled when drinking." Genji explained easily. "It also means your training can continue apace…you lucky bastard."

…

"…And that's why I drink!" Naruto concluded cheerfully, toasting the sky before taking several gulps from his flask. "Well one of the reasons, anyway. If'm being completely honest, it's a little annoying how quickly I sober up. I've never been able to get black-out drunk and believe me, I've tried."

Hiruzen stared at him for a few silent seconds. Then, he pushed over his saucer. "I think I'll take that drink now," he stated stoically. As the teen across from him poured a measure of subtly orange sake into the dish, his eyes were fixed on the flask in his hands. Taking the saucer, he sipped slightly, his widening in surprise. "This is good sake, Naruto. Do I detect a hint of cinnamon?"

"And a few other spices," the blond replied, leaning back in his chair. He arched an eyebrow as Sarutobi coughed and pointed at the flask meaningfully. "What?"

"We've been here for…" He checked the clock above the door, "Nearly four hours now, Naruto. And in that time, you've drunken nearly a gallon of sake. While that flask is rather large, it should've been emptied thrice over, and for some reason my mind keeps fixating on the engraved patterns. I'd like to know why."

Naruto grinned, sitting up and setting the flask on the desk, the outside sunlight playing across intricately detailed carving of a dragon. "Now that's a story I'd love to share," he said, wiggling his eyebrows mysteriously. "It goes back thousands of years, way before chakra, way before the myths we know of today. And it all began…with Dragons."

…

"What do dragons have to do with anything?" asked Naruto, scratching his head as Genji made himself comfortable against a tree trunk.

"Everything, my boy, everything," his teacher replied seriously, setting the stone flask between them. "While the stories tell of giant, magnificent, flying, fire-breathing lizards, the truth is much more mystical, though no less magnificent. These dragons are not lizards, and only one breathes fire. They are not mortal creatures, but the ideas, the conceptions, the pure expressions of the Elements of our world. Fire, Water, Wind, Earth, Metal and Wood. Separately, they are powerful, wielding their element as naturally as we breathe, for it is who they are. Together, there was no force that could stand against them."

Genji set a shallow bowl next to the fire, filling it with sake from his flask and sprinkling a mysterious dust into it. Naruto gave him a confused look until his teacher snapped his fingers and the bowl began to billow out clouds of thick white smoke.

"But the Dragons, as the Elements they represent, cannot always cooperate. Fire burns wood; water drowns fire; wood consumes water; earth is unmoved by wind; metal cuts wood; water rusts metal and so on and so forth." The smoke formed into long, sinuous shapes that bled the elements, repeatedly battling each other to stalemate. "For centuries, the Dragons fought with one another, never winning or losing until as one, they decided to separate and find their own homes."

The Dragons circled around each other warily before peeling off and disappearing beyond the edge of the bowl, leaving a smoking village to rise in their place. "Despite the tenuous peace between the Dragons, the human world was at war. Constant, unending war, the ambition of warlords clashing, leaving chaos in their wake until one rose…and then fell to another." Battles played out before them, humanoid figures fighting and killing one another until one stood above them all, only to be cut down by another. "It was during this time that two brothers emerged, wandering warriors who trusted only each other and sought only to live in solitude. Their skills with the swords they carried became known as they traveled, bringing the attention of envious warriors and ambitious warlords, who sought their skills and deaths in equal measure."

Two figures emerged from the smoke, both carrying a katana and a wakizashi at their waists, their faces hidden by conical straw hats, almost indistinguishable except that one wore blue and the other, green. "Through their ability and their trust in one another, they prevailed against all who sought them…until one fateful night, they were waylaid by a caravan of traveling merchants. Although wary, the brothers spent the night among the merchants, enjoying their hospitality, falling into a comfortable slumber."

Naruto bit his lip, restraining himself from interrupting the story as the smoky brothers laid side-by-side and slept peacefully. "Only, the merchants were no merchants. They were bounty hunters who sought the gold placed on their heads. And as they slept, the hunters went to take their lives. But the younger brother awoke, sensing the wrongness in the air, and went to wake his brother, only to be attacked. The cacophony of combat woke the older brother, and in his waking state, did not see the hunter encroaching upon him from behind…but his brother did. Throwing himself upon the hunter, the younger brother saved the other…but at the cost of his life."

Genji watched with dull grey eyes as the figure of the younger brother tackled the hunter, the hilt of a knife sticking from his stomach as he slumped to the ground, the older brother rushing to his side. "Unable to do anything but hold him as he died, the older brother felt true sorrow and rage, losing his mind to grief. In his anger, he took up their swords and cut down all who attacked, until the remainder fled before his wrath." The older brother dropped to his knees, visibly sobbing into his hands as blood stained his clothes. "Kneeling in blood of his beloved brother, he swore upon the ruined life staining his skin that he would find those responsible and murder them to a man."

Genji sighed deeply, taking a long pull from his flask. "Although he searched for years, the remaining brother could not find the last of the hunters, turning to bitter drink to soothe his sorrows. One night, after consuming enough to fall unconscious, the brother awoke to find himself among a field of smoking ashes, and to the screams of dying men and roaring flames. In his stupor, the brother had stumbled upon the home of the Fire Dragon, and the army attempting to capture it for their own uses." An army of smoke-men attacked the Fire Dragon, their weapons doing little to damage the creature, and much to irritate it. "As he watched, the Fire Dragon destroyed the men arrayed against it with ease, and fell to his knees as the Dragon turned its attention to him."

"'Do you desire my power as well, little human?' It asked, floating before the brother in all its furious, burning glory. 'No,' the brother replied, kneeling before the Dragon. 'I too, know what it is like to be wronged. I only wish to understand your power, so that I may wreak revenge on those who've slain my brother.'" Genji continued, deepening his voice to mimic the Dragon. "Intrigued, the Dragon allowed the brother to observe it, in time coming to understand how the being called upon the Element it was. When he sought to leave, the Dragon followed him, hiding inside his flask to avoid untoward attention. And when the brother finally found the remaining hunters, he drew upon his new power and reduced them to ash."

With one swing of his smoking sword, the brother unleashed a wave of flame that left nothing but ashes behind. "But as his revenge was complete, the brother felt no peace. For although they were dead, so too was his brother, and no amount of blood spilled would bring him back. Kneeling in the ashes of his hollow victory, the brother contemplated his own death, to join his brother in the afterlife, until the Fire Dragon spoke to him." The figure of the Dragon circled the kneeling brother, flames dancing along its scaled length. "'Why do you despair?' It asked the brother curiously. 'You have succeeded. Why are you not happy?' The brother replied, 'What good is vengeance, when it will not bring my brother back? What use is living without him?' Struck by his love and despair, the Dragon said, 'What of the other families, those still whole? With your power, you could save them. For all you suffered, you are one of many, and it was not the hunters who killed your brother, but those who war over the land.'"

"The brother drew his sword and sliced his hand, staining his blade with his blood and declared, 'In the ashes of my revenge, I swear that I will end these pointless wars so that no one will suffer what I have suffered.' And the Dragon, awed by his oath, offered its power freely, for though he could use fire to an extent, he could not control it as the Dragon could. 'Drink of my essence,' it said, 'and let our powers free this land from tyranny.' And thus, using ancient magic, the Dragon sealed itself inside his flask, and the brother set out to end the wars that had taken his brother."

Genji fell silent, leaving Naruto to contemplate what he heard. "That was a great story, old man," the kid said softly, brushing his hair back. "But really sad."

"It's not finished," his teacher replied roughly, taking a long drink from his flask. "I'm just thirsty." He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and smacked his lips. "Ah, that's better. Now, where was I? Oh, right…"

"Even with the Fire Dragon at his side, the brother was not strong enough to take on the warlords plaguing his land. One night, as he contemplated his actions, the brother asked the Dragon if it knew of other places one might acquire power. Hesitantly, it told him of its siblings, and told him where they could be found. 'But be warned,' it said, 'for my fellow Dragons are not as agreeable as I.'" The smoke figure of the brother journeyed across many lands, speaking with the Dragons of Water, Earth, Wind, Metal and Wood. "It took many years and many miles, the brother found and spoke with the Dragons, and asked them for their help. 'Why should we care?' They asked, 'We are feared and left alone. Why should we help you?'"

Genji rolled his shoulders as he sat up from the tree, sighing as his back cracked. "And the brother told them, 'They know of your power, yes, and fear it. But their envy outweighs their fear, and they will come for your power. But united as one, we may end their ambitions and bring true peace to the land.' One by one, the Dragons agreed, joining each other in the flask and granting their powers to the brother. With all the Dragons at his side, the brother drew upon their power and forged a set of armor and blades, imbuing them with pure power. Combined with the Dragons, his armor and his sword, the brother could control every element with ease. Entire armies fell before him, scorched into nothingness, ravaged by hurricanes, crushed beneath waves, swallowed by the ground, bound by grass and pierced by their own weapons. Even time and space bent to his whims."

Naruto watched, enraptured, as the armored figure destroyed armies with waves of his hands or casual swings of his swords. "And as the last warlord fell, the brother proclaimed peace across the land. 'No longer will we fight,' he declared. 'No more will we die for the whims of those who would conquer to sate their whims. To all those who would step forth and bring war, know this: I will be there to cut you down and keep the peace.' And so the brother left, and wherever would-be conquerors arose, he was there to destroy them and soon, the people bestowed a new title upon him: The Ultimate Dragon Warrior. And for many years, there was peace…" The smoke figure of the Warrior was whipped away by an errant breeze. "…Until, one day, he disappeared. Rumours began of how the Warrior had died of old age, his weapons, his armor and his Dragons scattered to the winds, and that he who could find them and bring them together, would become the next Ultimate Dragon Warrior."

Genji leaned back against the tree, clearing his throat softly. "And that's the end of the story," he said, sighing.

Naruto frowned, his eyes locked on the empty bowl, the sake having evaporated. "It's pretty good," he murmured, scratching his cheek. "But kinda sad, too. Nice legend, though."

"My student," Genji chuckled, holding the flask out to him, the light of the fire playing over the intricately carved dragon. "Who said anything about a legend?" The eyes of the Dragon flared with inner fire.

…

"…Are you serious?" Hiruzen asked bluntly. "Dragons comprised of the elements, granting immense power? That sounds…"

Naruto gave him a dry look. "Didn't a giant fox made of chakra attack this place fourteen years ago?" he asked blandly, "Y'ain't got room to talk, old man. And yes, I am entirely serious. What do you think I was doing in the Fire Country?"

"…Coming home?" The Hokage offered with faint embarrassment.

The blond chuckled and shook his head. "Nope," he replied, taking a deep drink of his flask. "I was tracking down the Water Dragon and I managed to seal it. Your ANBU found me while I was celebrating."

Hiruzen sat up in his chair, his grey eyes sharpening. "You did? How?" he asked incredulously.

…

The cavern was silent except for the whisper of water running over stones long since smoothed, flowing from an underground stream. Beards of knotted moss descended from the ceiling, forming natural green curtains under a long stone archway.

The peace was broken by a faint, echoing whoop that grew in volume until a figure burst through a wall, landing in the stream with a loud splash. Naruto flipped the hair out of his face and jumped to his feet with a laugh. "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" He shook himself dry, retrieving his flask from his sash and taking a deep drink.

"That was quite foolish," a low, sibilant voice hissed in his ear. Smoke emerged from the mouth of the flask, coalescing and curling together into the sinuous shape of dragon before bursting into flames. "There could've been a trap at the bottom! Or no bottom at all! You need to be more cautious, Naruto."

"If it was something bad, I would've dealt with it," the blond reasoned, scanning the interior of the cavern with an easy eye. "And it wasn't, so don't worry about it Hosei."

"Well someone has to keep your safety in mind!" the Fire Dragon huffed, narrowing its eyes on the overgrown archway, "And these shrines always have some sort of trap in them, so be wary."

"Yes mom, I'll be careful," Naruto shot back, running a hand through his soaking hair, "And I'm guessing, since it's the only other thing in the room, that arch has something to do with the Water Dragon's prison. So what, do I have to break it or something?"

"These places are rarely that simple," Hosei retorted, circling around Naruto to peer over his shoulder as booming voice rang out.

"WHO DARES ENTER THE FORBIDDEN SHRINE?!" It shouted, the cavern shaking slightly.

"Naruto Uzumaki, I'm here to set the Water Dragon free!" The blond replied cheerfully, taking a pull from his flask. "And quiet down will ya, you'll cause a cave-in."

"THE INTRUDER SEEKS TO FREE THE DRAGON! GUARDIANS, ARISE AND DEFEND THE SHRINE!" The voice cried, strange runes lighting up along the arch, dislodging centuries of moss. The stone floor cracked, water spouting up and swirling together into humanoid forms.

"Alright!" Naruto laughed, rolling his shoulders and falling into a loose, stumbling stance. "And here I thought today was gonna be boring!"

"Naruto," Hosei sighed as the blond staggered away from a wild strike, dropping and spinning around to backhand the elemental's midsection, breaking it apart into halves that splashed against the ground. "They're made of water, you dummy, why are you punching them?"

The drunken blond ran his soaked hand through his hair, rivulets of water streaming down his tanned face. "It's refreshing," he answered with a grin, taking his flask up and spinning it in his palm. "But I can catch a shower later. Now, I need get all fired up!" With that said, he drank deep and long, pulling away from the mouth with an audible pop.

Naruto exhaled smoke, heat waves emanating from his skin as his eyes opened, burning with inner fire. He drew back and unleashed a roar, a river of flames pouring from his mouth to engulf two of the elementals. The third attacked fearlessly, its arm deforming into a long whip that Naruto ducked and retaliated with a kick, a crescent of orange scything out from his foot to carve through the water guardian.

A section of the runes flashed then faded with a crackle of energy, leaving two-thirds of the writing still active. "Ha! That's what I call 'too hot to handle!'" the blond crowed even as four more elementals sprung up from the ground and attacked.

He lunged at them and struck, tongues of fire lashing out to evaporate the guardians and scorch the rock. One by one, the guardians fell to flame, another section of the runic seals fading. The last section shone brighter than the others as a deep rumble shook the cavern, water pouring out of the wall in greater volumes, coalescing together with a gurgling roar into an elemental three times the size of the previous.

"Huh," Naruto said blithely, "Big guy." He skipped forward to thrust both hands out, launching a fireball that met the elemental and exploded into a cloud of steam. "Well, the bigger they are, the harder-"

A high-pressure stream of water erupted from within the cloud, slamming into Naruto and driving him back against the wall. He pushed himself up, brushing the soaked hair out of his eyes as the guardian growled a challenge, its arm reforming from the steam.

Naruto lunged forward with his fists alight, unleashing tongues of flame with every kick and punch that impacted the water elemental, bursting into clouds of steam that were simply pulled back together inside its swirling body. As he launched a foot into its side, the guardian burst apart into shrieking water spout, grasping onto his leg and pulling him inside the standing whirlpool.

The blond struggled against the chaotic current, the air being driven from his lungs as the elemental slammed itself against the wall, slowly but surely drowning him inside of it. Pulling on the vestiges of the fire inside him, Naruto concentrated the power into ball in his chest and unleashed it, bursting out of the guardian with a wave of flames that threw him across the room.

Flipping to land on his feet, the drunk skidded to a stop, glaring at the reforming water elemental before nodding once. "Tricky bastard," he muttered, pulling his flask from his sash and popping the top. "Hosei! It's time for Spicy Spit!" As the sinuous form of the Fire Dragon burst to life behind him, Naruto poured sake into his mouth, his cheeks swelling to comical proportions.

The elemental guardian surged forward with a roar, its arm deforming into a long whip as it struck out, crashing against the wall as Naruto dove to side and came up, spitting his mouthful of sake into it.

It didn't do anything except add to the guardians' volume, thus it was ignored as the elemental continued to attack. The blond took in more mouthfuls of alcohol even as he dodged, spitting more and more into the elemental's body until he dove away, coming up with a grin. "Gotcha." He said simply, nearly inhaling sake from his flask and spitting it at the guardian as Hosei breathed a tongue of fire, the two intersecting and colliding with the elemental.

Unlike the previous attacks, the elemental was lit up with molten fire boiling inside of it. The guardian thrashed and roared, breaking apart and reforming over and over again as it tried to extinguish the flames burning inside, to no avail. The last runes at the apex of the archway shone with unhealthy light before burning out, the guardian losing shape and sentience to splash onto the ground, defeated.

Holding a hand out to the still burning fire, Naruto slowly closed his fist, extinguishing the flames with a quiet hiss. "Spicy Spit," he chuckled, swallowing a mouthful of sake. "Works every time."

"Considering this is the first time you fought a water elemental and won?" Hosei snarked, spinning around his shoulders. "Then yes, it has worked every time. Also, you need a better name for that."

Approaching the smoking archway, Naruto stepped through it and found himself at the bottom of a short stone staircase. "Like what, 'Liquid Fire?' 'Inferno Spit?'"

"'Liquid Inferno' sounds nice," Hosei admitted, following him as he ascended the stairs. At the top sat a thick stone chest, runes carved into every surface, with a naked grey skull hovering in over the handle.

"YOU WILL SUFFER A MILLION DEATHS FOR THIS SACRILEGE!" The skull shouted, its jaw moving as it spoke. "YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE HAVOC-"

With his left hand, Naruto drew a red-handled wakizashi and stabbed the skull in the forehead. "Shush now, I won," he rebuked casually, giving the short sword a sharp twist, shattering the skull. "Don't be a sore loser."

Behind him, the archway crumpled to the ground, a hole opening in the rocky ceiling as a veritable deluge of water flooded into the cavern.

"What did I just say?" The blond grumbled, grasping the handle and ripping the chest open. Inside, the watery blue form of a dragon slowly swirled in a continuous figure-eight, releasing the soothing notes of a gentle stream that was drowned out by the torrent pouring in overhead. "Hello, Water Dragon! My name's Naruto and I'm here to set you free!"

With a cute yawn, the Water Dragon broke out of its loop and peered up at him, blinking slowly. "Oh hello," it greeted him politely. "I wondered what all the bother was about. It's nice to see a new face, even if you're trying to take my power like the last one. Are you aware that there is a trap prepared to kill any who open my prison?"

A wall collapsed inward as even more water poured into cavern, adding more volume to the growing flood. "I'm aware," Naruto answered calmly. "And I'm not here to take your power, just-"

"We can trade backstories and motivations later!" Hosei shouted, flying up to glare at the Water Dragon."Get us out of here!"

The Water Dragon turned its nose up with a huff. "Oh, it's you," it grumbled, before peering over the lip of the chest to see the incoming flood. "Oh dear, that is quite dangerous for you, isn't it? Well, I suppose you did set me free, so I will help you."

Hosei burned out of existence as the Water Dragon flowed up and into the mouth of the flask, the stone dragons carved into the sides gaining a silvery sheen. Naruto drank deeply, pulling back with a gasp and a smack of his lips. "Refreshing," he muttered, blinking as a film of water appeared to pour over his eyes. "Woah."

"Please relax and let me take control," the Water Dragon's soft voice whispered inside his head. "I will ensure your safety."

The blond settled into his own body with quiet amusement as his hand rose up to point at the incoming wall of water, only for it to split around him like he was standing in the eye of a maelstrom. Within a minute, the underground cavern was completely filled with water except for the small bubble of air around Naruto's body. With graceful, flowing movements, his body slipped through the water, traveling up through the flooded tunnels in the earth to emerge into the open air.

Naruto shook himself as the cool presence of the Water Dragon faded from his mind, emerging from his flask to float before him. "You have my thanks for setting me free," it said gratefully, dipping its head briefly. "But the question remains: what do you want from me, if not my power?"

"Alright, it's like this-"

…

"-Long story short, I convinced the Water Dragon to help me and I got drunk to celebrate!" Naruto concluded with a grin. "Then your ANBU over there grabbed me and dragged me all the way back here. Why were they out there, anyway?"

"I've sent a team out every few months for the past five years in the hope of finding you," Hiruzen replied faintly, "Seems I need to give them a bonus. So, to summarize, some bastard got you drunk and let you wander out of the village, you ran into a Master of the Drunken Fist style of fighting who took you in as a student, which somehow led to you becoming some sort of adventuring archaeologist searching for six prisons containing powerful dragons and getting them to join you in doing…what?"

The blond shrugged. "I'unno, something cool probably. They at least deserve to be free, you know." He paused thoughtfully. "'Adventuring Archaeologist'…I like the sound of that."

The Sandaime Hokage opened his mouth, hesitated, then soldiered on. "I notice that you didn't mention this Genji while you searched for the Water Dragon," he pointed out carefully.

It was like the windows of an open house being shuttered as Naruto's face went blank. "I don't wanna talk about it," he replied gruffly, taking a deep swig from his flask.

Hiruzen nodded. "I understand. You also haven't explained why you're older, either."

If asking about his teacher was bad, that question made it worse. "Time travel's a hell of thing," the blond said softly, reaching up to his necklace before dropping his hand. "It's hard to explain. I'll tell you some other time."

The Sandaime recognized the loss carefully hidden by Naruto's whiskered visage and decided to move on. "I won't push you, Naruto, though I do wonder: are you still interested in being a ninja?"

Naruto dropped the hand holding the flask he had lifted to his lips, giving the older man an incredulous look. "What part of 'Adventuring Archaeologist' dontcha get, old man? I'm going to find the other Dragons imprisoned in other lands. I can't exactly go searching for them if I'm a Konoha ninja." He shrugged. "I don't know for certain, but up and leaving isn't something Hidden Villages usually smile on, is it?"

Hiruzen bobbed his head thoughtfully. "You're not wrong, but I have a few answers for that. See, as capable as you seem to be, you can't watch your back by yourself, dragons notwithstanding. It would be smarter to operate with a team who could synergize with your skills, making it easier to accomplish your goal. Plus, they'd be able to record architecture, this runic script you described and much more." He gave Naruto a dry stare. "These are relics of a forgotten age, and they don't call me The Professor for nothing. I'd love to learn more about this time of myth and dragons."

The blond shrugged noncommittally. "You've got a point, but I'd have to hope whatever missions I got would take me where I want to go. Not to mention it'd cut into my drinking time."

The Sandaime blinked incredulously. "I could pull together a squad, perhaps a rotating one, dedicated to studying these prisons and our pasts - it's about time someone does, after all. You'd have free reign to continue your search, as long as you complete a mission or two. Besides, it's smarter to have a home base to operate out of, a place to keep all your information organized." He paused in thought. "And you'd get paid."

"That is nice," Naruto agreed, peering questioningly at the old man. "Can you actually do that, though?"

Hiruzen smirked, interlacing his fingers in front of his mouth. "I'm the Hokage. This is my Village. I can do what I want." He shrugged. "And our history is important."

"Those are all pretty good points," the blond began, sitting up in his chair to meet the Hokage's eye evenly. "But those aren't the only reasons you want me here, are they?"

"No, they're not," he conceded with a nod. "I admit with no shame that I've missed you dearly, my boy, and I always thought of you as a grandson. Maybe I just want to make sure you're safe and cared-for for entirely selfish reasons, is that so bad?"

Naruto chuckled. "Not really, I appreciate the honesty." He cocked his head to the side, as if listening to voices that only he could hear…because he was. "The Dragons agree that having a base of operations is wise, but they're leery of being small cogs in a big machine. Or being cogs at all. They want a sworn statement or a contract that outlines whatever the whole deal is."

The Sandaime nodded, allowing a warm smile to crinkle his features. "I'll draw one up tonight, if you're willing to wait until tomorrow."

The blond stood from his chair, offering the older man his hand and a grin. "I am, though I don't have anywhere to stay for the night." He was briefly surprised as Hiruzen circled the desk and wrapped him in a deceptively strong hug.

"Of course you do!" The Hokage replied with a laugh, "You can stay with me and my family for as long as it takes! I'm just glad you're back, Naruto."

Naruto squeezed him back, chuckling slightly. "It's good to be back, Jiji."

…

…

…

A/N: What was that? You said something about me being inconsistent? Sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of me being inconsistent.

Look at me, saying I'd work on Console next. HA! Nope, I worked on this idea instead, because tempting fate is apparently something I just do. I wanted to work on Console, a fairly serious super-hero story set in Worm, but then my muse was like 'no, drunken anime shenanigans!'

So yeah, the Legend of the Drunken Dragon. It's a story I've had on my mind for a while now, about an older Naruto who searches for the Elemental Dragons and the Artifacts of the Dragon Warrior, with some drunken shenanigans, flirting, action and adventure in-between. Hope you like it, I'm a bit leery of Naruto stuff ever since I kinda gave up on the JotWE. Mostly because I feel like I didn't do the concept justice and am slightly ashamed.

Also, imagine Naruto being voiced by Steve Blum, it really helped get the dialogue flowing for me.

Kurogane: That actually fits…

Anyways, hope you enjoyed this chap and the new story, make sure to let me know! And big thanks as always to NorthSouthGorem, Kurogane7 and Dariegh for all the help and support, give them a look-see! (I hear a certain someone's going to update. wink-wink.)

Stay Awesome.

~Soleneus

P.S.: I'm just gonna head of a few questions here: Yes, Naruto joined Konoha. No, I'm not going to be 'bashing' anyone; yes, they'll get called out for doing something stupid, but I'm not going to torture someone for the sin of being a character I don't like. Besides Naruto leaving, a lot of things have changed, so he won't just slot-in perfectly into the dynamics.

And I know someone's gonna go, 'but Sol, you put too many X in here! You're just a X with sick fantasies!'

First off, kiss the back of my hand and get out, I don't take no back-sass! Second, it's only the second chapter, you've haven't seen everything!

Also yes, that last question was a hypothetical future question from the second chapter. If it confused you, I'm not sorry.

And I'm not going to be saying what I'm working on next. I ain't teabagging that bee-hive any longer.

Stay Awesome Some More.

~still Soleneus