"I'm not allowed to eat this."

Clarke looked at the young boy next to her and grimaced, "You're not allergic."

"No, but Mom doesn't allow me to eat McDonald's."

"So then don't tell her."

"You mean lie. I don't lie," he said, chewing on a French fry.

"I didn't say lie, just tell her we had burgers, it's not a lie."

"Mom was right, you shouldn't have kids."

Clarke froze, kids. "Your—your mom spoke about me to you?"

"No, Auntie Clarke, she talked to Daddy. I just heard them."

"Well, it's a good thing I don't have them, right?" Clarke asked, trying to keep control, trying to hide her tears and the crack in her voice. She shouldn't have agreed to watching Leo. She shouldn't be doing this, not yet. Not so soon after everything.

"Do you know where Bell is?"

"He's working," she lied. She always lies about him and she hates it.

"You always say that," Leo grimaced.

"That's because he's always working," Clarke smiled and she thinks Leo knows she doesn't mean it at all. It's summer, he doesn't work in the summer.

Leo pushed his food away, "I want to go home."

Clarke nodded, "Okay."

Fifteen minutes later Clarke pulled the car into the Woods' driveway and turned around and looked at Leo. "You know I love you, right?"

"I know, Clarke."

"And you know Bellamy does too."

"I guess."

"J—Leo, please, we don't... he's hurting right now. So we need to forgive him, please."

"Why is he hurting?"

"It's a long story, Leo. He just needs some time."

"Can I ask Mom?"

"She doesn't know and I don't... he has to tell her, okay?"

"Do you love him?"

Clarke smiled, fighting back the tears, "More than anything."

"Can't you fix him? Mom and Dad always fix each other."

"I've been trying, but it's a lot harder when it's the both of us," she grimaced.

There was a knock on the window before the passenger door opened. "You guys okay? It's barely been two hours," Octavia asked leaning into the car.

"Fine."

"Clarke…"

"Ja—Leo just wanted to come home."

"I get it," Octavia nodded, turning to look at her son in the back seat. "Sweetie, why don't you run inside and tell Dad I said you could have some ice cream."

"Okay!" he exclaimed and unbuckled his seatbelt and practically ran out of the car.

"Is this about Jake?" O asked, sitting in the passenger's seat.

"My dad? No."

"The little boy with leukemia that passed away last month."

Clarke grimaced, "How…"

"Abby called. I didn't want to say anything, because neither of you did. You didn't tell me that you wanted to adopt."

"We didn't want to get our hopes up and of course, the one we fall in love with was sick and died."

"Clarke, I love that you guys want to adopt, I love that you guys are thinking about the world impact when making your decision about children."

"I—I can't have kids, O. I would love to say that it was because we're saving the world, one child at a time, but we're selfish in the decision and we thought we hit the jackpot with Jake. I mean, the kid even had my dad's name and he had undiagnosed leukemia for years before we even get him to a doctor."

The tears came whether Clarke wanted them to or not. She wasn't alone, Octavia was crying too, she felt for her brother and Clarke and Clarke knew that. She didn't want to push the people she loved away and all the secrets she and Bellamy have been hiding from their family has done exactly that, but instead of the truth pushing their people away, it's bringing them closer. And Clarke couldn't help but wonder what truths would push their family away.

"I am so sorry, if I'd known—"

"You wouldn't have been able to do anything. He—he wasn't ours but we loved him and Bellamy had this whole thing planned for when we actually adopted him and he hates that it didn't happen. He loved him more, he'll love them all more."

"Clarke—"

"No, it's true. I'm not heartbroken like Bellamy is. I'm not… he has such a big heart and I don't… God, I don't deserve him."

Octavia shook her head, refusing to accept that Clarke and Bellamy weren't an inevitability. "You do. He is so in love with you, Clarke, always. Losing Jake sucks but it happened and if neither of you move on, you'll both eventually resent the other and you two love each other too much for that."

"I'm fine, I've moved on. It's Bellamy. I'm not saying that I don't love Jake, I just know it's better to move on. I wasn't too attached, Bellamy was at his side every day. I was working and I hated the hospital, I know it sounds like I didn't care but it hurt to see such a small boy going through that and being too late to help."

"You care so much, your heart is bigger than you realize, but you're so logical that you can compartmentalize and it's good for stuff like this and going back to work, but it sucks for Bellamy because he can't. It probably kills him that he can't just move on like you can, that it's the only thing on his mind."

"I'm not a robot, O. I care and I feel it, but I've seen so much death that I've learned how to cope and work through it. He's been through your mom and that's it. He didn't deal with that because he had to take care of you. It's not your fault, but it was so much easier for him when he had something else to focus on. It happened at the end of the school year and he has nothing right now. I don't blame him, but I don't know how to help him."

Octavia grimaced, she didn't know how to help him either. Didn't know that he was struggling as much because he has dealt with death before, she's seen it first hand, but Clarke was right, Bellamy was too preoccupied with work and school and keeping the house together that he didn't actually deal with their mother's death. "Did you say that to him?"

"Oh, yeah! 'Hey, babe, I don't know how to help you. Could you help me help you?' Who the fuck says that?" Clarke said sarcastically.

"Okay, unnecessary sarcasm. You have been in love with him since I've known—no, a month after I met you. It's been eight years, Clarke. You know him, you know how to talk to him. And if you've tried everything, maybe go to extremes. You know I don't want either of you to be hurting, but he needs to see that this isn't easy for you either."

"I know, I just feel like I have to keep it together for the both of us."

"Tell him and bring him around," Octavia smiled. "We miss the dork."

Clarke smiled, "Yeah, I miss him too."

She opened the door to their three bedroom house that was being washed away with just the two of them. She stood on the Welcome mat and took a deep sobering breath in before walking inside.

Dropping her purse on the bench, she pulled her jacket off and pulled her sweater on while slipping out of her flats. She was practically silent the entire time and when she turned around, his unruly squid ink hair peeked out over the back of the couch right where she left him.

She sat on the other side of the couch, her feet tucked under her as she tried understanding what the man was telling them on the TV but Bellamy spoke for the first time in three days, gruff and low and heartbreaking. "You're home early."

"Leo wasn't up for it."

His eyes were glued on the television and Clarke felt like maybe looking at her reminded him of everything he doesn't have. "Did you tell him I'm sorry?"

"No," she breathed. "Because I didn't know you were."

"Clarke—" she felt his eyes dart towards her before shooting back to the TV.

"Do you want a divorce?" The words a whisper, but stung all the same as they sat between them on the vast expanse of the couch between them.

"What?" he asked, his eyes closed. He sounded defeated.

"I used to know you, know what you wanted before you even asked and now..." Clarke sighed, she hated having to say it. "What do you want?"

He didn't say anything, his fingers picking at his cuticles. Clarke watched his face turn from indifference to anger. "I want our son back!"

Clarke sighed with relief and frustration at the same time, "He's not coming back, Bellamy. We did all that we could for him, we..." she took another sobering breath, this wasn't easy for her. "I loved him too. He was going to be our boy, but Bellamy, he's gone and I can't keep coming home to the shell of the man I'm so in love with. We have to move on, we have to move forward. If a divorce is what will help you, I'll reluctantly do it because I need you to be happy. If finding a woman who can bear children for you will do that, then I will walk away."

"No, Clarke, please. I—I don't want that. I want you, always. I can't box it up for later like you, it hurts and it hurts now and I—I can't lose you too."

"You are never going to lose me, Bellamy. Married or not, you're my best friend and I'm always going to be here for you."

He nodded and licked his lips. "They called yesterday."

"Okay?"

"I said we'd do it."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not going to turn someone away, Clarke. Madi needs a home and we're going to make sure it's a damn good one. Are you with me?"

"We're in this together. Always."