Finn - Gran 761

It was amazing how colorless the world could be. Especially when it used to be so vibrant. But though I could still see things like 'blue' and 'red' and 'green', they might as well have been grey due to how… distant they all felt. Everything was washed out, and nothing was… well, that didn't matter. Even with the world being as colorless as it was, I still had my duties as a knight of Leonster. I still had the duties Lord Quan entrusted to me. No matter how much I wanted to just lay down and not move, I had to… I failed him once, so I couldn't fail again. So, I hate to...

"So, we confirmed that the Gae Bolg is in Thracia," I whispered, looking through the reports. That was expected, but still a blow. Not only to our morale, either. The Gae Bolg was one of Leonster's strongest weapons, symbol of the blessing the goddess Gaia granted to Noba, capable of annihilating any foe. In fact, according to the stories, when thrown, Gae Bolg, without fail, would strike and obliterate the heart of an enemy. "Well, thankfully, they can't use it." We just lost our best means of countering Gungnir. If Travant came with it… Travant who always seemed far too aware of arrows and couldn't ever be shot down as easily as his fellows…

"That is looking on the bright side of things," Lord Xavier agreed with a small, tired smile. A skilled general and a master of arms, he was as common born as me. If not for the rather… classist… law that a knight had to be in charge of Leonster's defenses, he would've been the one in charge. As it was, he helped me greatly, and I owed him far more than I could say. "Morale is going to take another hit."

"Hopefully not much of one. We've been anticipating this and…" And, honestly, few things were worse than learning of… "We should strengthen patrols, though…"

"Honestly, we might need to work evacuation plans more than a strengthening in patrols," Lord Dorias suggested. All three of us were in some random study, bent over a map on the table with papers scattered about. And it was the three of us because I was the 'official head', despite my youth, Xavier was skilled, and Lord Dorias might be retired, but he still helped where he could. A couple years ago, I would've been overawed by them. Now, I simply tried not to think of how it reminded me of the battle planning in Lord Sigurd's army. "We will certainly do what we can, but Thracia's knights are worse than hyenas. The civilians…"

"That is very true," Lord Xavier agreed. His eyes darkened with pain, and I knew why. Lord Xavier was very well known for being quite close to his lieutenants and, really, all the soldiers under his direct command. "Ah, that reminds me. Sort of. How is Lady Grahnye doing?"

"Still cold, but she doesn't block anyone from seeing Lord Ares as she used to." Lord Dorias sighed and I winced. Lady Grahnye blamed us for Lord Eldigan's death. We had tried to tell her what had happened, but she had refused to speak with us, too deep in mourning. That all said, when Lady Grahnye had heard about… "Ah, wait, you were asking about her collapse, I'm sorry. She's recovering nicely."

"Her health is still poor, though, so she's on bedrest," I whispered. Though she had conflicted feelings over everything, the news of what had happened had hit her hard. On top of not eating and barely sleeping ever since what happened in Agustria… I had to watch Lord Ares a couple of days so that she had complete quiet. Healer's orders. "Lord Ares and Lord Leif have a playdate tomorrow."

"That's always good to hear," Xavier murmured. He studied me closely, eyes sad. "Finn, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? You've been quite… expressionless ever since…" He trailed off, but that was only because we could fill it in. Yied. Belhalla. Word had reached them about the devastation in both places, one right after the other. Lord Quan and Lady Ethlyn were dead. All the soldiers who went with them were dead. Lady Altena was dead. Lord Sigurd was dead. Everyone in his army was…

Distantly yet all too close, an ache formed in my heart. My parents had died when I was very young, before I could remember them, and I had been an orphan playing around until I signed up to serve as a soldier for Leonster, just to have a steady wage and food. Lord Quan had seen me practicing with the others, though, and had taken me aside, asking if I'd like to be a knight. A proper knight, despite my common birth. I had thought him insane, but had gone with it, because knights had better wages and better shelter. But before long, I had grown to love and respect Lord Quan, marveling at his dreams and plans for Leonster. He had been just yet kind, strong yet gentle. A lord I had been proud to serve, and so, I devoted everything to be worthy of the opportunity he proved me. It led to few friends, namely just Glade and Selfina, but I had always been alone. It hadn't bothered me.

A year or so after I became Lord Quan's squire, he had married Lady Ethlyn, a childhood friend of his, sister to one of his best friends, and the first foreign bride Leonster had in decades. The nobles had treated her fairly, but no few had been disappointed that Lord Quan would marry outside of Leonster. Lord Quan had asked I do what I could to make sure she was happy and comfortable despite the frosty reception. I thought it had been more of the reverse, namely that Lord Quan thought I could use another friend, though I did remember the first battle she fought. I remembered how afterwards, she had cried and thrown up, but had still remained determined to keep healing. I also remembered how that day was the first day Lady Ethlyn referred to me as 'family'. The first family I ever had, really. I remembered protesting or something, but she had simply laughed. And when Lady Altena was born, I had been one of the first to hold her. Because I was 'family'.

Then we got word from Duke Byron about the possibility of a Verdanite assault while Grannvale was busy with Isaach's unexpected aggression. Lord Quan worried and talked with his father about sending a force or even leaving himself. King Calf had agreed, but said that Lord Quan could only take one knight with him. Thracia had been too aggressive to send more. And Lord Quan had picked me, of all the knights. I was his squire, yes, but someone else could've served for the last years of my schooling. Dorias and Xaiver both offered. But Lord Quan had been adamant. He wanted me to accompany him and Lady Ethlyn, and no other.

And that was when I met everyone. That was where I forgot how to be 'alone'. I met Lord Sigurd, a man who almost seemed to shine too brightly and who seemed to embody the ideals of knighthood. I met Oifeye, who became as dear to me as a younger brother. I met Shanan, who I also viewed as a younger brother and fretted over. I met Alicia, my 'older sister' who always had a smile for me. Alec, Naoise, and Arden who I would discuss knighthood with and what it truly meant. Lord Lex and Lord Azel, who always made me laugh. Lachesis…

The ache grew then, and with it, the numb feeling I was used to. The only thing I could feel was the cold metal of the ring I wore, one of the two rings I had bought for Lachesis and myself. For the elopement that was more of a promise than anything, which Lord Quan and Lady Ethlyn teased me relentlessly over when they learned. That night had been so much fun. So warm, so bright… it seemed like nothing could go wrong and yet, everything did. Because everyone was dead. Dead, dead, dead. Including Lachesis. Including… Including Diarmuid. Including all the children. Dead like Lady Altena. Dead before… before…

"Finn?" Lord Dorias's voice was gentle, yet I still jerked back like I'd been slapped. I'd say the equally gentle and worried look on his face was worse, but I was too numb to feel… no, not quite true. I was in so much pain that I was numb to everything. "Perhaps you should lay down," Lord Dorias murmured, resting a hand on my shoulder. Across the table, Xavier nodded in agreement. "You can spare a few-"

"Finn!" Selfina poked her head into the room then, pigtails in disarray and, strangely, a bruise on her cheek. "Sorry, I know this is important, but Lord Leif just won't stop crying," she explained. Lord Dorias and Lord Xavier closed their eyes. "I know; I know. But if you can spare him for just a few seconds? The healers are worried something is wrong, but he won't let them near."

"He's a year old."

"Yeah, and he's got a good kick." Selfina pointed to the bruise for emphasis. "It won't take long."

"That's not why Xaiver and I…"

"Where is Lord Leif?" I asked, the words coming easily. No matter the pain, I had to keep moving. I had to. The world didn't end just because mine did. I had to at least keep with my duties. "And what do you mean that something is wrong?"

"Possibly," Selfina corrected, already leaving. I followed her closely, ignoring the exasperated worried look Lord Dorias and Lord Xaiver shared. "They don't know, but since he just burst into tears…"

"I see." I thought of the last day I had seen Lady Ethlyn. She had been bouncing Lady Altena in her arms to soothe her tears, and she officially had entrusted Lord Leif to me. 'To practice for Diarmuid!' she had laughed. Those had been the last words she'd said to me, aside from the general goodbyes when they had left. At the time, I had been embarrassed. Now… "Let's see about calming him."

Now, I just had my charge. Protect Lord Leif. There wasn't anything really left for me.

"Finn, Glade, which do you think looks better?" Selfina held up two squares of what seemed, to me, the same exact color, some bland shade of red. Glade, however, frowned and studied them closely, so perhaps they were different. "It'll be part of Lord Leif's outfit for the new year celebrations," she explained with a smile. It took a moment to remember that we were, in fact, going to hold the celebrations as per usual. It would be lesser compared to the usual, but King Calf thought it would be good for the people. "Finn? You'll probably be carrying him. Give me your opinion."

"Both are fine," I replied automatically. I wasn't paying attention, half-leaning against the window of Selfina's room. I was antsy. Lord Dorias and Lord Xavier had brought their worries to King Calf himself, and so I had been ordered, by royal decree, to take the day off. Glade and Selfina had excitedly done their best to help me have fun, but I couldn't think through the fog in my head. Everything was just… there. Nothing felt 'real' when I wasn't working. When I was just there with my own thoughts. "I don't know why you're asking me."

"Because you have an amazing sense of color, obviously!" Selfina scowled, and Glade wisely just kept studying the squares. "And don't say you don't. I've seen your sketches and-" Automatically, I flinched. Sketches… I hadn't sketched in a while. There were a few half-finished ones in my room, things I had planned on showing Lachesis… on showing Oifeye and Shanan and Alicia and… "Finn?"

"I'm fine." Again, the words were automatic, and I winced again when Selfina and Glade shared a worried look. I should be more cooperative. They really were trying their best to help me, and I knew that, but I just… it was just so hard. I wished they'd let me work. When I worked, I at least felt like I was in control of something again. Instead of just being blown in the wind amidst the fragments of… "I swear that's the same shade of red, though."

"It is not!" Selfina scowled again and sighed gustily. "Oh, whatever. Hold still."

"For…?" Still, I did stand up a little straighter, and frowned when she held the squares by my face. "What are you doing?"

"Glade, which shade looks better with him?"

"Ah, that does make it a much easier choice," Glade mused, studying the squares. He smiled apologetically at me, but kept being very serious. He always went along with what Selfina planned; I was certain he had a crush and thus, he took every opportunity he could to see her smile and laugh. "I'd say the right one."

"My right?" Selfina asked. She giggled when Glade nodded. "That does look good, huh? Yes, let's do that!" She set the 'unused' square on the table and headed for the door. "I'll be right back, boys! I want to drop this off!"

"And there she goes." Glade chuckled as Selfina bolted and then turned to me. "I know what everyone meant to do, but I think this day off was actually worse for you."

"Worse, Selfina's probably noticed too," I sighed, leaning against the window again. I saw no point in denying it. I'd known Glade almost as long as I'd known Lord Quan. "I'm sorry."

"I wish I knew what I could do to make it better, but there is no 'better' for this, is there?" Glade asked sadly. He rested a hand on my shoulder and smiled apologetically. "Maybe talking with King Calf would be better than just a day off."

"I am not bothering the king." I had to fight to not flinch at the implication. I didn't… want to think on how Diarmuid was… how I never… "He has enough to worry about." I glanced out the window, desperate for some sort of change of subject. Even something as simple as the weather. But I frowned as I noticed something. "A commotion at the gates?"

"Hmm?" Glade looked out the window as well, frowning too. "Damn, looks like it. Though, it could just be the guards following protocol a little too closely. They're new."

"That could be it." I almost looked away, but then my eyes caught sight of gold. It was a very vibrant shade, standing out sharply against the blandness of everything, and when I focused on it, I saw it was golden-blonde hair. Just like…

"Finn?" Glade's worried voice was strangely distant. "Finn!" It took a moment to realize that was because Glade wasn't next to me. He'd gone away. No, I'd gone away. I… I was running down the hall, down the stairs, as fast as I could. All because I had seen...

Realistic, realistic. I tried to remind myself to be realistic. There was no point in getting my hopes up. Because what were the chances? Low. Beyond low. Infinitesimal. Yet even as I told myself that, I couldn't stop running. I even vaulted over the banister just to save a bit of time, scaring some people in the process as I continued running. Down the halls, out the grand doors of the castle, all the way to the front gates of Leonster where…

"I already told you that I don't mind waiting, but I would very much like to speak to those two as soon as possible!" a voice snapped. I knew the voice. I knew that tone. It was the tone where she was tired, frustrated, but desperately trying to keep polite anyway. Because she hated being bratty. "I have not hiked all the way here, with all my things, to deal with paperwork!" My view was blocked by the guards, and I could've pushed forward, but I stopped a short distance away, too scared. Too scared that I might be... "I've been to Leonster before. So, please-"

"Lachesis?" I called. My mouth was dry. My heart hammered against my ribs. Scared. Scared, scared, so scared… but I… I… "Lachesis, is that…?"

"Finn?" Someone beyond the guards jumped up or something because I saw a flash of golden hair before it disappeared again. "Finn, that sound like… oh, for the love of everything, move!" One of the guards went flying as Lachesis pushed them out of the way, Hezul strength making it so easy. And she stared at me before smiling brightly. "Finn!" And she ran straight for me, wrapping her arms around me for a giant, warm hug. "Oh, thank everything. It's been a long journey."

"I imagine. Belhalla is very far from here." Hesitantly, I returned the hug, expecting her to just vanish. Expecting to wake up from a wonderful, wonderful dream. But she was warm. She was solid. She was here. "You're… here…"

"I am." She pulled away slightly to smile at me. She was sunburnt, with some skin peeling. Her hair was unevenly cut. "Oh, wait, goodness, don't look…" She immediately covered her face with one hand, still clinging to me with the other. The hand bore the ring I had bought her. She also wore the earrings I sent to her. "I'm an absolute mess."

"You're beautiful, like always." I rested my forehead against hers, feeling just how… how solid she was. How warm. I didn't see a child, so I assumed… but at the same time… "You're here. You're alive. You're really alive."

"I am. And I finally made it here."

"Welcome back to Leonster, Lachesis." I finally smiled and, for the first time since we heard about all the deaths, it felt real. "I've missed you dearly."

"I've missed you too." She smiled back. "Hee… don't suppose I can get a bath or something, though?"

"I'll arrange something in my room. And I guess a guest room as well."

"Can I not just share with you?" She sulked a bit. "Come on."

"I didn't want to assume?" I looked to the side sheepishly… and noticed we had an audience. With Glade front and center. "Ah…"

"So, this is your wife?" Glade asked with a laugh. He bowed respectfully to Lachesis, paying no mind to her squeak. "Lady Lachesis, Selfina went to draw a bath for you in Finn's room. I'll handle any paperwork associated with your entry, so why don't you and Finn head on inside?"

"Thank you very much," Lachesis murmured. She studied him curiously before snapping her fingers. "Oh! You must be Glade! Finn has told me a lot about you."

"I dread the stories, and promise retaliation." Glade grinned. I simply shrugged. "Head on in. We're very glad to see you."

"Thank you." Lachesis looked up at me with a smile and rushed back to grab her things before returning to my side and taking my hand. Still warm. I still couldn't believe it, but she was warm. "Shall we then?"

"Poor Grahnye looked so frail," Lachesis sighed, leaning back in the chair. After her bath and a change of clothes, she had properly greeted King Calf and had gone to see Lady Grahnye and Lord Ares. "And so cold… but, then again, seems like she doesn't know what exactly happened with Eldie. Thankfully, she let me give her the letter. I'm so glad I finally got to pass that on."

"It seems Lord Ares recognized you immediately," I added, carefully brushing her hair. It was late, and so, we had retired to my room, where I'd evened out the ends of her hair for her. "That was nice, wasn't it?"

"It was! I was sure he'd forget me, but nope!" She giggled. I noticed it was sadder than her normal, more like the giggles she had after Lord Eldigan died, but they were still happy. And they were hers. I still swore I was just having a very good dream. "He's a lot bigger. Makes sense, but…"

"It was a surprise when we returned to find him here." Lady Altena had also been much bigger, but that memory hurt my heart, so I found a change of subject quickly. "Your hair is quite soft. You must've liked the conditioner Selfina gave you."

"I did. And the soap. I'm so glad to finally get the damn sand off. I swear I lost three layers of skin between it and the sunburn." She whimpered as she looked at the burns on her arms. Or, rather, the bandages protecting them. Healers' orders. "Hey, Finn?"

"Hmm?"

"Have you all heard about…?"

"We have. About all the deaths and…" I finished brushing her hair and set the brush on my desk. I didn't exactly have a vanity or whatever. Selfina threatened to bring one in tomorrow. I had no idea from where, but I knew better than to argue. "I… am guessing Diarmuid…"

"Diarmuid's in Isaach." She said the words lightly, but they startled me so much that I whirled. She smiled sadly at me, yet clearly relieved. "Sigurd was worried about the dangers of bringing children into Yied and, more importantly, the battles to come. I debated so much, but decided to leave Diarmuid with Oifeye, Shanan, and Aideen. They left with most of the children."

"They… they did?" Things seemed to be moving far too slow and too fast at the same time. He hadn't been there? Oifeye and Shanan and Lady Aideen hadn't been there? They had… they had…? "Which children stayed?"

"Child. Lene. And by some miracle, probably the only one that day, she survived, perfectly fine and… Finn!" She leapt to her feet and it took a moment to realize it was because my legs had buckled. Only her quick reaction kept me from outright collapsing. "Hey, are you okay?" She easily got me seated on the bed and hovered over me worriedly. "Ah, I don't have my staff on me, I left mine with Claude, but I can go…"

I hugged her tightly, my eyes burning for some reason. "I thought you were both there…" My words were thick and shook, and I realized I was crying. Sobbing, really. "I thought you were both there, and both dead like…"

"Well, I was there, but I got lucky. I had been near the back, and they prioritized the center." She ran her hands through my hair gently. "I'm not the only one that made it out, either. Claude, Sylvia, Lene, Brigid, and Jamke are all in Darna right now. And Alicia… well, she was alive when I last saw her."

"Who do you know is dead?"

"Sigurd. Chulainn. Midir. And honestly, that's it." She sighed and kissed the top of my head. "Too many unknowns still. It was such a mess, really."

"I'm sure." I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't. "Ah…"

"Ah, right, before I forget, the bodies of the Leonster knights are all in Phinora, which prides itself with neutrality, so I'm sure they're still there. Quan and Ethlyn are with them too. I have… no idea what they looked like or anything. I wasn't allowed to see them."

"Lady Altena?"

"Wasn't found, but it was also the desert…"

"Yeah…" Still, it would've been nice to have a body to properly put to rest. "You mentioned Alicia?"

"Yeah, she and Azel went ahead to see Arvis, so she wasn't with us. Seems like it was either a ploy to get his siblings out of danger or a ploy to make sure Azel couldn't warn us of the meteors in time." Her grip tightened briefly on me before relaxing. "I found her trying to heal Chulainn, and failing because he was gone. We saw Sigurd die, and then ran into Brigid and Jamke, who were trying to wake up Midir, who had died. Then we ran into Claude and Sylvia, who had Lene. Then some rubble separated Alicia from the rest of us. She told me to run to Leonster, to make sure you all knew what had happened."

"Sounds like her."

"Doesn't it? Even when mentally collapsing because of what Arvis…" Her voice became harsh. "I am never forgiving either of them for this. Arvis and Aida… Damn them to the blackest of hells. Right along with Travant."

"I'll second that." I pulled away to see if I could stop crying then, but the tears still came. "Ah, damn it. I should-"

"Let me be your wife and support you like I swore?" She sat next to me on the bed and pulled me into a hug, my ear resting over her heart. The sound of her heartbeat was the most soothing sound I had ever heard. "Finn, I've done quite a bit of crying already. Quite a bit of screaming too. It's a long way from Belhalla to Leonster, and it took even longer because we had to be sure to not get caught. But that was with me knowing what had happened. Sort of. I don't know why. I don't know how. But I knew what had happened. I knew who was there and who wasn't. But you didn't. You didn't even know that Diarmuid was relatively safe." She kissed my hair. "And I bet you haven't cried. Because you focused on work."

"There's so much to do." Still, I relaxed. Warm… she was warm… for the first time in what felt like ages, I wasn't numb. I hurt. I was tired. But I wasn't numb. "Ah, wait, Lord Leif…"

"Oh, right, I get to meet him! That's going to be great." She ran her hand through my hair again and I closed my eyes, still crying. "Oh, wait, you probably meant you had to go tend to him."

"I'm entrusted with his safety." Still, I couldn't move. Even though that was one of the few things left… "That's…"

"I think you can take a few moments to yourself, Finn. Besides, at this hour, Leif is probably asleep."

"Maybe." It was admittedly easier to get Lord Leif ready for bedtime than naptime. Glade and Selfina could probably… "Are you okay?"

"You're supposed to be focusing on you, for once. Ah well, you have always been the knight." She even laughed a little. "I'll admit that I have nightmares. I'm a bit… well…"

"Broken?"

"Yeah. And I am worried the shards are going to cut you."

"Don't care."

"I do. Just like you care if the 'shards' from you are going to hurt me." She had a point there. "But, right now, I'd like to be here for you, just like you were there for me after Eldie died. And, I don't know, tomorrow when everything hits again, we'll switch roles. Then we'll switch back."

"Ha… fine, I'll agree to that." It was just so nice to finally relax and not have so much fog in my head. "We'll see Lord Leif once…"

"That sounds good." She pulled me down next to her so that we were both laying down on the bed. I shifted so that I could still listen to her heartbeat. I… I needed to hear it. "Ah, I can tell you more about Diarmuid. I wish you could see him."

"He's alive. He's alive, and so long as we both live, I can eventually see him." I longed to meet him too, but his safety took priority. And I wasn't exactly in a hurry to crossing the Yied and not just because of my duties. "Wait, just how many…?"

"Well, there's Seliph, Caitriona, Conall, Ulster, Larcei, Lester, Diarmuid, and… well, Aideen was pregnant again. Ulir luck really kicking in, apparently." Lachesis sighed. "I swear; Brigid's luck was the only reason we made it to Darna as well. The stories seemed to downplay that damn luck."

"That's quite a few children."

"Well, they do have practice with babysitting. They watched them frequently during the Silessean Civil War, and afterwards." She laughed again, though I could hear the worry in it. "Their plan was to make it to a village. The Issachians have been looking forward to Shanan's return, so they should get some shelter. And more than that, I..."

"Oifeye is a skilled fighter. Shanan was becoming one. And we both know that Aideen is a very good healer."

"Plus she knows how to fight. She learned tomes and had at least two on her when she left."

"Then I'm sure they're as safe as anyone else."

"...Yes, I'm sure too." Lachesis held me a little more closely. My tears finally stopped, but now, I was just too tired to move. "We should go to Darna. I'm sure the others would be glad to see you."

"I'll check if I can be spared that long." I was definitely drifting off… "Sleepy…"

"Then sleep, silly." She kissed my head again, giggling. "Yay… I finally get to sleep beside you again."

"Yeah… I'm glad…" Barely conscious… "Love you."

"I love you too, Finn." And those were the last words I heard before falling asleep.

"You know; I've never visited Darna before," I murmured as Lachesis and I rode into Darna, looking for an inn or stable to rent. Lord Leif squirmed in front of me, no doubt wanting to grab at all the bright and colorful things. "Lord Leif, no." I held onto him tightly and he looked up to sulk at me. "No."

"Surprisingly, Ares isn't giving me much trouble," Lachesis giggled. True enough, Lord Ares sat very neatly in front of Lachesis, even as he looked this way and that in curiousity, clinging to the stuffed bear Alicia had given him long ago. I tried to not think of how the last time I had seen Lady Altena, she had been clinging to her stuffed bear. "I'm surprised Grahnye asked that I'd take him along. Grateful, but surprised."

"Lord Ares has been very cooped up." I knew also that Lady Grahnye was actually having a bit of surgery done, her lack of eating from grief and stress had stressed her heart, but she had made me swear to not tell Lachesis. I didn't feel right, keeping it secret, but no matter how cold she felt towards Lachesis, she still didn't want Lachesis to worry. "Ah, over there..." I pointed to an stable not far away, one that had some people already lined up to rent out stalls. "Shall we try it?"

"Yeah, that looks like a good place." Lachesis smiled warmly and hugged Lord Ares. He smiled warmly at her, but didn't say anything. Though he had been talking, ever since the move to Leonster, he'd been very silent. He'd talked to Lady Altena, but… "I'm also surprised King Calf let us bring Leif."

"There was a lot of debate on that." And if we were going even one step more north, there was no way he'd be coming with us. But King Calf thought the travel might be good for Lord Leif… and no one wanted to deal with his tantrums during naptime while I was away. "Here we are."

We both dismounted and negotiated payment for renting two stalls for a day. From there, we meandered through Darna's market, to hide our exact destination. We had no idea who was watching, and in times like this, it was better to be paranoid. That said, some of the meandering wasn't intentional. Lord Ares had a horrible habit of just wandering to whatever looked interesting and, perhaps because he was a Hezul Major, he easily broke free of Lachesis's grip no matter what she tried. Worse, though, was the fact that if he hadn't been curious about the dancer on the corner, we might've walked right past Sylvia.

"Oh my gosh! Finn!" Sylvia was thinner than I remembered, more tanned and a little more serious. But her smile and hug were the same. "Ah, I'm so glad to see you!" she cheered, giggling. She poked Lord Leif's cheek, smiling softly at him. Lord Leif shyly smiled back. "So, this is little Leif, huh? So cute~!" She bent down to pick up the container for coins she had out, nearly dropping it because of how many there were, and then kissed Lachesis's cheek before ruffling Lord Ares's hair. "You made it to Leonster then. Good. Have a fun first night~?"

"Sylvia!" Lachesis yelped, turning bright red. I, wisely, kept my mouth perfectly shut and simply kept Lord Leif from pulling on Sylvia's ribbons. B-besides, we had waited a couple of nights before… "There are children!"

"I had to tease. You're finally looking better. I knew seeing Finn would be good for you." She ruffled Lord Ares's hair again before skipping down the road. "Still, glad you guys stopped by. We're not at the church, and I'm sure that's where you were heading."

"Well, that's where Claude said you would be, at least." We quickly followed her, and I found myself relaxing. Sylvia always had that air to her. It was part of why her dances had been so popular with the army. "Did something go wrong?"

"Not at all. They just got us set up with a house, you see. Much better than staying in the church." She hummed as she continued skipping before turning into a rather nondescript house just off the main road. "Brigid! We've guests!"

"We do?" Lady Brigid stepped into the main room of the simple house from… based on the smell of food, I'd guess it was the kitchen, and that she'd been cooking. "Oh! Hey, there!" she greeted, smiling warmly at us. "Good to see you again, Sir Finn."

"And you, Lady Brigid," I murmured, bowing sightly. She had joined Sigurd's army shortly before I had left, so I didn't know her well. Still, it was a relief to see she was well. "Something smells good."

"Glad that's the case, since I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. I'm just following the recipe as best as I can." She grinned and winked. No matter what she said, she was clearly having fun. "Jamke will be back from his odd jobs soon, but Claude is-"

"Ah, so this is why the mood of the house suddenly brightened." Father Claude himself appeared from a hallway, probably one that led to bedrooms. Unlike every other time I'd seen him, he wore his hair braided. A baby girl, probably Lene, was sleepily curled up against his shoulder. "I am pleased to see you are both well," he told us warmly, with a matching smile. "Come in, sit down. Who are the children?"

"Leif and Ares," Lachesis explained, nudging Ares over towards Father Claude. Brigid and Sylvia disappeared into the back to continue cooking. "I'd tease about you making the girls do the cooking, but I remember your poor attempt."

"Yes, and we do have to budget, so it's better to just have the ones who can make edible food take over." Father Claude passed Lene over to Lachesis, who cooed over her. "Finn, now that I'm taking a closer look at you, are you well? You look like…"

"It's… been a long few weeks," I replied slowly. I decided to set Lord Leif down, and almost immediately, he crawled over to Lord Ares to pull on his sleeve. Lord Ares scowled, but let him. "Let's just say I thought everyone was at Belhalla."

"Ah, of course…" Father Claude murmured. He peered at me and nodded after a moment. "I've some medicines I'd like you to have on hand. It's not too hard to make, so I'll give you the recipe as well. It's something to help when recovering from poor sleep and poorer eating."

"I ate!" Though, it had admittedly been more of Glade putting food in front of me and then sitting with me until I cleaned my plate. Food still tasted like normal, but I just hadn't cared. "I will admit to the sleeping thing, though."

"And overworking?" He smiled slightly, and I guiltily looked down to where Lachesis was helping Lene play with Lord Ares and Lord Leif. "Everyone deals with grief differently. The important thing is recognizing when your mourning might be having an adverse effect on you, which is very difficult."

"It is." I sighed and looked up at him with a bitter smile. "I don't suppose, Father Claude, you have some sort of explanation or anything for why this all happened?"

"I wish I did." Father Claude sighed, and moved his braid in front of his shoulder to fuss with the ends. "I wish I also knew why the gods gave me the Valkyrie Staff. I tried it on so many. Annand. Quan. Ethlyn. Yet none worked."

"Lord Sigurd, maybe?"

"Sadly, one of the many requirements for the Valkyrie Staff requires a body. Valflame turns even ash into nothing."

"Ah." I tried to not wince, but I knew I had failed by his sympathetic smile. Lachesis had told me a bit about what had happened, including Deirdre apparently being the lost princess and Arvis's wife despite… everything. But she hadn't told me that part yet; she always broke down. She had stayed with Lord Sigurd, after all, in the hopes of keeping him from facing the same end as Lord Eldigan. Yet, at the end, none of us could do anything. "Any word on anyone else?"

"Not that I have heard but… ah, Jamke, welcome back."

"I still don't get how you can do that, Claude." King Jamke walked in and did a double-take when he saw me. "Finn!" he greeted warmly, barely shutting the door before running over to give me a hug. I hugged him back tightly, relieved. While I'd never say we were friends, I had known him for a very long while, so it was good to actually see him. "Good to see you!" He half-crouched to ruffle Lachesis's hair, and she made a face at him before continuing with the playing. Lord Ares and Lord Leif seemed like they were having quite a bit of fun. I wasn't sure about Lene, but at the least, she wasn't crying or making faces. "How are things in Leonster?"

"We're… coping," I replied. It seemed like the best answer, and he nodded, understanding. "I'm surprised you ran here and not Verdane."

"Brigid and I tried, but it's just too far. We might take the long way down through Thracia and Miletos before swinging around. Going anywhere near Grannvale doesn't seem wise. But that'll be a bit." Jamke grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. "Nothing to be done about everything, though. Damn that Arvis. I knew I had a bad feeling, but the others just trusted him so much. The guy is a bastard for taking advantage of them."

"Yes…" I couldn't help but wonder if I could've done something if I'd been there. Just as I wondered if I could've done something if I'd been with Lord Quan when… what if, what if… they haunted me, and drained the color out of the world. But everyone else helped the colors come back, a little. Enough. "I was just asking Father Claude if he's heard anything about the others." I glanced at him, but he had turned his attention to the children, playing with them too. "He hadn't."

"That's because I'm the gossip gatherer, and since it's been a few weeks, we are finally getting rumors." King Jamke brought up his hand to count the information, like it was a well-organized list. "I'm assuming you know about Sigurd, Midir, and Chulainn. Got apparent confirmations on all three of Sigurd's knights." I flinched. It made sense, of course, but it still hurt to hear. I also couldn't help but be envious that they had fallen with their lord, while I… "Beowolf is also confirmed." That one surprised me. I didn't know him well, but I honestly didn't think he could die. "And everyone else is considered, officially, 'missing'. Except Alicia."

"She's okay?"

"Well, she's alive, but I'm not sure how 'okay' she is living with the people who murdered everyone." King Jamke sighed and I winced. I wasn't the only one; both Father Claude and Lachesis flinched too. "Seems like she didn't make it out of the city, and so, she's in Belhalla. She's officially the Duchess of Velthomer, but I don't think they let her leave the palace."

"So, prisoner."

"That's how I'm viewing it. Could be wrong. But based on how she always hid from her heritage…" King Jamke grimaced and I could only nod in agreement. Alicia had wanted a simple life with Chulainn. There was no way living in the palace, as a 'duchess', was anything near what she'd want. "They won't say anything that's contrary to 'loving sister of the king living with his family', though."

"Of course." That still hurt, though. I remembered Alicia's smile when we left, and the promises to see each other again. I still wore the necklace she had given me even. But now, I wondered if that would be a broken promise. Just another thing broken. "Is there anything else?"

"Well, Silesse is apparently prepping their defenses, what little there is, so I think someone managed to make it there to warn them." King Jamke smiled bitterly. "Hopefully, Lewyn and Erinys. For their son's sake."

"Sylvia prays for them every single day," Claude whispered, smiling sadly but not looking up. I winced, remembering how close Sylvia, Lord Lewyn, and Lady Erinys were. "She's certain they're fine. Just one of her feelings."

"She does have a good intuition," Lachesis murmured. She hesitated before looking up at King Jamke. "Have you heard anything about Isaach?"

"Not much, but supposedly, the people are excited about something," King Jamke explained. He smiled gently at both Lachesis and me. "I'm guessing it's due to Shanan and, in that case, that group is perfectly safe."

"Oh, that's reassuring." Lachesis smiled warmly, and I managed a smile of my own. It was good to hear that. To hear that the children were safe. I could handle not seeing Diarmuid if it meant he was safe. Though I did, almost desperately, want to meet him. "And with that, I say we set up for meals. You'll be staying, right? You guys staying the night? Sure you are."

Amusingly, all of them assumed we would stay the night with them instead of at an inn, and neither Lachesis nor I could convince them otherwise. Thus, we spent a rather lively evening with them, chatting and joking as much as we could. Every once in a while, someone would wince, remembering something or someone from the army, but each time, it was ignored to simply enjoy the present. Enjoying being alive, and enjoying not being alone. Not being alone was wonderful and soothing. This was the feeling I had gotten used to, in Lord Sigurd's army. I was glad to experience it again.

"You know; I've always heard about Leonster's end of year celebrations, but I've never attended," Lachesis noted, brushing her hair at the vanity Selfina moved into my room at some point while we were in Darna. She also wore one of Selfina's dresses, modified to fit Lachesis. Also done while we were away. "Selfina is also incredibly sweet."

"When she wants to be," I replied, dressing Lord Leif. Now that colors existed again, I could admit that the red did suit Lord Leif well. Though, at the same time, I was certain I didn't want to see him in red again, if I could help it. It was different enough from the color of blood to keep me from panicking, but similar enough to make me nervous anyway. "If she's mad at you, she'll give you the third or fourth degree."

"Sounds like a good friend." She giggled and winked at me before checking her face, frowning a bit over her freckles her sunburns had left behind. I thought them adorable, but she didn't like them. "I wonder why she wants to be so sweet with me, though."

"Who knows?" I did. Selfina was just happy that I was able to smile again. Lachesis, and the news she brought, were able to give me the grounding to smile, so she wanted to spoil Lachesis. However, in retrospect, I owed Glade and Selfina a lot. If not for them, I was sure I would've been much worse. Perhaps I would've never felt again, never enjoy color again, if they hadn't grabbed onto me and kept me from falling. I'd make sure to buy them something in the market. Maybe matching somethings, to tease Glade. "Will Lady Grahnye join us?"

"She's going to try, but she's still recovering, so if she has to head back in, she'll leave Ares with us." She sighed in frustration. "Can't believe she had surgery while we were away. She should've said something. I could've helped!"

"You were quite excited to head to Darna to reassure the others." Lady Grahnye also just wanted time to herself. She had thought Lachesis was dead, just as I had. "You seem to be mending your relationship, though."

"We are!" Lachesis grinned, giggling. "I'm so glad she read Eldie's letter!" Lady Grahnye had read the letter while recovering and, probably because she finally had answers, her attitude had softened considerably. "I wish she would've let me give her Eldie's letter for Ares, but it makes sense why." It wasn't as if Lord Ares could read it himself. She wanted Lachesis to wait until he could. "Still, I'm glad she's willing to talk to me again. That was so awkward."

"I'm sure." I finished dressing Lord Leif and lifted him up in the air. Lord Leif immediately smiled and laughed, and I smiled back. That was a smile I wanted to protect. His, Lachesis's, and Diarmuid's. If those three smiled, then I could make it through just about anything. "Ah, you went to see the healers afterwards, though."

"Part of it was to get them for Grahnye. She was dizzy." Lachesis suddenly blushed, though, and moved from the vanity to the bed. I passed Lord Leif to her and made sure my own clothes were on right. "Part of it was also on Grahnye's recommendation. I swear she's got crazy insight, sometimes."

"Are you ill?"

"Nooooo…" Lachesis smiled up at me. "I'm pregnant."

"Ah, I… huh?" Everything stopped at the words. I couldn't think past them. "Er… what?"

"I also got quite the scolding for not using proper protections, but whatever." Her smile faded as I continued to stare at her. "Finn? You okay?"

"Wasn't expecting that is all." And I was reminded of when I got the letter where she had told me that. I had felt so happy yet so guilty. I was nowhere near then. Now, I was, but so much had happened that I had no idea what to fear. Elation? Terror? Both blurred together so much that I couldn't separate them. "Do you want to keep them?"

"I'd like to, yes." She frowned, worried now. "Do you…?"

"I'm fine with whatever you decided. I'm just…" I struggled to think of what to say and eventually just sighed and sat next to her. "Afraid. I'm afraid."

"About?"

"Well, one, Alicia did write about how close to death you got."

"Oh, I told her not to!" She scowled briefly before sighing. "Ugh… just like her, though."

"To be fair, she wrote it to Lady Ethlyn, not me, and it was to ask about remedies we had in Leonster. I just heard her asking."

"Now that's really just like her. Always the worrywart." Lachesis grew sad, though she hid it by playing with Lord Leif. "I miss her. I miss all of them."

"I do as well." I gently touched her cheek before running my hand through her hair. She wore it down for the celebrations. "But that's a good lead in to the second worry. It's very dangerous. Thracia will attack us, and honestly, all of us are certain Thracia will win. We lost too many of our soldiers."

"Mmm… true." Lachesis closed her eyes, but then smiled warmly. "But we're not alone. We can protect them. I know it."

"I hope so." It was hard to believe, but she, at least, was confident. "Thirdly, I am scared I won't be a good father, given… everything."

"You'll be great. I can tell by how you are with Leif." She laughed when Lord Leif reached for me. I took him and he curled up against me, smiling. "See?" She took my hand and smiled. "I do think it'll be fine, Finn. Later years might be rough, but I'm sure we can get through it. Things have to go well eventually."

"I hope so." I sighed, but I did smile back finally. "Okay. I will admit that I'm happy about it, by the way. Very happy. I'm just…"

"You're super worried. I am too. But I think the risks will be well worth them and I'm sure we can make it through, together." Her smile became much happier and more more relieved. I was glad for it, and hoped her confidence would eventually ease my own continued worries. "Oh, we'll have to think of names! One for a boy and one for a girl."

"Uh… right…" And here I was, very bad with names. I only thought of 'Diarmuid' because it was my favorite story when I was younger. And even that had taken forever. "You can have fun with that."

"Finn!" She sulked, and I tried to not squirm. "Come on! At least think of one?"

"I'm very bad with names!" Still, I did try to think, just for her. But only one came to mind, and it was… "I can only think of the name Lady Ethlyn and Lord Quan picked out for a girl, if they had a second daughter."

"Oh?" Lachesis leaned into me. "What was it?"

"Nanna. It's from folklore, like 'Diarmuid'."

"Oh, that's so pretty…" Lachesis sigh happily. Music began filtering in from outside, signalling the start of the celebrations. We'd have to be there soon, for King Calf's speech. "Well, why don't we go with that for a girl?"

"Huh?"

"We don't have to, if you don't want or if you think it's weird or…" She began playing with her hands, smiling shyly. "Just… it is a pretty name and it would mean, in a way, Ethlyn and Quan named our little girl. And that just… well, you can't tell me they wouldn't have thrown a hundred suggestions our way."

"More like a thousand." I could see it so clearly. I could hear it too. I wished they were here. I wished I had… "If you don't learn of one you like better, then yes, we can go with it." I smiled at her again, and she giggled, pleased. "As for a boy…" I did my best to think, and came up with… an idea, at least. "I'm not sure how traditions go in Agustria, but we could name a boy for Eldigan."

"A direct namesake would be bad luck so soon after his death, but something similar… yes, that sounds like fun. Maybe a play on lions? Since they were so strongly associated with him?" She hummed a bit and then hopped to her feet. "Regardless, we're late, aren't we?"

"Just a little." I stood as well, and shifted Lord Leif so that I could carry him a little more easily. And with one arm, so that I could hold Lachesis's hand. "Wait, we have to watch what you eat and drink and the like."

"I've got the list memorized. Everyone was relentless at making sure I followed the strict diet." Lachesis tugged on my sleeve and leaned up to kiss me as soon as I looked at her. "I love you."

"I love you too." I kissed her as well, smiling at her giggle. "Let's enjoy the festival." It honestly might be the last one we had for a while. The days ahead were dangerous and open warfare was a distinct possibility. But that was for the future. Right now, we really were late and I wanted Lachesis and Lord Leif to enjoy themselves.

I hoped, wherever he was, Diarmuid was enjoying himself too. And that maybe, one day, we'd all be together, as a family. One day, I'd meet him, with his younger sibling. We'd see how that worked out. Still, so long as everyone remained safe, and smiling, I'd be content. Even if I died, I'd be content.

Author's note: So, welcome to… this collection of oneshots. Basically, they're ideas for stories that won't leave me alone, but that I also don't want to turn into full-blown, multi-chaptered stories. There's no real rhyme or reason to them, with each one likely having a different POV char and/or being set in an entirely different year. The only thing they have in common is that most (if not all) will be set during the timeskip between Gen 1 and Gen 2 (which is like… eighteen years in Memoirs of the Holy War), mostly to show how I imagine various things. Like here, with Lachesis and Finn reuniting after the Yied and Belhalla massacres. It's also going to (likely) focus on FE4 chars for the time being, though FE5 chars might be added when I get around to writing the FE5 novelization. None of the POV chars in this story will be Alicia or Riona, since they have their own stories. This is meant to supplement Memoirs of the Holy War, after all. So, feel free to suggest ideas, but honestly, this is just going to be a 'whenever I feel like it' or, more accurately, 'when an idea will not leave me alone' (like this oneshot; I couldn't concentrate on the chapter I was working on because it kept bouncing around my skull). If you want to suggest, don't suggest Travant. He'll be getting his own story, much like Arvis did with Memoirs of Velthomer and Deirdre/Diadora did with Memoirs of Belhalla. Because he's a liiiiittle too complicated to leave just for a oneshot. (Jugdral's long timespan and complicated chars lend themselves to a lot of stories, gdi.)

Regardless, let's focus on this particular oneshot. Finn is the POV char (as can be seen by the title; all titles in this collection will have the name of the POV char and the year), covering the time between the massacres (and end of Gen1) and the end of the year. In supplementary material (such as the story of Leonster's fall, providing I remembering things correctly), Grahnye is mentioned to be very cold to Lachesis, even venomous due to her and Sigurd's roles in Eldigan's death. I toned that down a little, mostly because I had Eldigan actually write a letter to Grahnye (I think in Fe4, there's only a letter for Ares). Her frail health… I want to say it's from the game or the Fuyuki manga, but I honestly can't recall if that's actually the case or not and I can't find my notes on it. Regardless, it just made some sense to me.

For clarification, Finn's not colorblind or anything (though I have heard of that happening due to trauma). It's simply depression/trauma draining everything, locking him into apathy and pain. Selfina, Glade, and Xavier are all playable chars from FE5, with Xavier being infamous for having one of the hardest, most convoluted recruitments in the entire damn series. Dorias is an NPC from the same game.

Gae Bolg being known for 'piercing the heart' is a nod to the Fate Series (like Fate/Stay Night). The mention of annihilation is due to the viciousness of its kills in Irish mythology (to put it into perspective, one has to actually cut into the victim's body in order to retrieve the spear and there's mentions of the barbs filling every single joint in the body). The mention of Travant being 'aware' of bows is because, in game, he has the Nihil/Awareness skill, removing the effectiveness bonus bows would normally have on him as a flier.