Chapter one

The feeling of a cool hand on mine causes me to take in a breath as I realize it's just the nurse,and I relax a bit,starting to come down from all of the adrenaline,and it's hitting me hard. It's been a hell of a night, I got thrown out by mom's boyfriend,he tried to strangle me,didn't succeed,and threw me out on the street. With nowhere to go,I went to Bryce's,thinking it would be safe,and it wasn't, he got me high on weed,and a tad bit drunk,and then did as he will,he fuckin raped me. I got out of there after that,tried to kill myself,but had enough sense when I couldn't do it to get myself to the ER,to get help. They checked me out,got me on some medications,then the doctor left,leaving me with the nurse,so she could go get what she needed to pump my stomach,,so I wouldn't be alone,they can't leave me alone with the suicide attempt.

"Easy honey,I know sweetheart,it'll be OK Justin"she murmurs carding a soft hand through my hair,trying to be comforting,motherly in the time I need it. They've done the other tests that needed to be done,but haven't pumped my stomach yet,they've given me fluids,and medication to help ease some of my discomfort. "What's going to happen to me now,I don't really have any place to go,I can't go back there,I won't go back there"I murmur,realizing for the first time I sound really hoarse,and just plain tired and scared,as I should be. "We'll figure it out honey,CPS has been called,they'll talk to you,and figure out how to get you out of there,have you reached out to anyone"she asks as I see the doctor come back into the room with the materials,she's only been gone a few minutes,but it may as well have been hours. "Yeah,I tried to reach out to Alex,he said he'll get here when he can,but no one else has responded"I murmur as I feel her help me get onto my side. "OK honey,we're going to go ahead and get your stomach pumped alright,I'm not going to go anywhere alright,we're going to get your throat numb,it's not going to feel good or taste good alright"she murmurs softly as I see the doctor come over with a bottle that has numbing spray in it.

"OK"I murmur,too tired to care at this point,as I feel her grab my hand as I open my mouth for the doctor as wide as I can,and let her spray the back of my throat. It's cold,it stings,and tastes bad,I can barely not gag at the taste,but then I'm more or less numb,can't feel anything. I see her take the tube into her hand as I feel the nurse move behind me,to comfort,but stay out of the way at the same time. I feel a hand card through my hair again as I relax into comfort I hardly ever get,then sense the tube go down into my throat,I naturally swallow,and it goes in. I see her take the funnel at this point,connect it to the tube,then pours warm water into it,into my stomach. I feel the warmth in my stomach as she does this for a bit,then let's it drain back out into the bed pan. After awhile,we're finally done,thank god,I can't take it anymore,and she takes it out slowly,and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"We're all done now,I promise honey,you've been doing so well,how about you get some rest alright,call if you need anything,we should be able to get you into a regular room here pretty soon"she murmurs as I see the doctor put the supplies away,then leave,then she follows shortly after. Leaving me alone,for the first time since this all started,and it scares the hell out of me,I'm terrified. I'm left alone with my thoughts,and it hurts,mentally,physically,just everything. There's not a place on my body that doesn't hurt,that's not bruised in some form or manner,a lot are new,but some are old,from this past week when Seth beat me for no reason. I can't believe I almost ended it all tonight,I was so close to that edge,could've done it,but something stopped me,something pushed me to try life one more time,I may not know what will happen to me now,I may lose some old friends,but the one's that matter will stick around,will help me get back onto my feet,and I know at least Alex is there,he dropped everything to try and be here,I know it'll take him some time to get here,but he will be there. I may not have everything figured out right now,but that's OK,I'll make it work,make it work for this last year and a half,then get out of here,I'll push through,get back on my feet again,get my life started up again,and go from here.