The Life of a Beast

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In a sense, a beast is in everyone.

That's lowercase b.

He is the most primal part of an animal. He craves survival. He is instinct.

He is not simple collection of emotions. He is, when you dive deep enough, what drives all animals.

The Beast is what drives him.

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I am him. He is I. We are one in the same. I am not a separate entity. I exist within him. I exist with him. My thoughts are his. His thoughts are the mine. Do not mistake it. We are one in the same.

Instinct. Survival. Reproduction. I am much more than that. I am the anger that fuels him. I am what drives his tribal loyalty, greed, and urge to procreate. I am what makes him seek foods (yes, even meats- but he- but his will is strong). I am aggression -the force to compete for resources- food, land, and a mate. I am his defense. Any frown, any snarl, any flinch and even the rare moments of fear where he flees. I protect his family. I am wary of others. Outsiders. I smile. I laugh. I cry. I feel disgust, and sadness, and fear. I am curious. I want to learn about my surroundings and explore places. But sometimes I am simpler.

Perhaps you would consider me…the Id. That human psychologist Freud got many things wrong but consider it relevant if this simple term helps you wrap your mind around me. I am what makes sure his basic needs and drives are met.

He calls me…the Beast.

My container is known by many names. Garfield. Beast Boy. Changeling.

I have heard whispered Gar's he has coaxed from her lips. (I have also heard angered yells of GARFIELD from those same lips when he did something reckless). I have heard raucous shouts of monster from others, lurking in the shadows. I have heard gentle teases of Green Bean, Grass Stain, and even BB. I've even heard, though now rare and once brief, mwanangu, mtoto wangu, and mpenzi.*

But I…I am always the Beast.

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I was always there, beneath his skin, deep in his mind, prowling…waiting…protecting.

It was his transformation that brought me closer to the forefront. That made me so…primal. So animalistic. So tangibly real. And yet, he was young. We were young. He tried to control me but I was too strong. My arrival too sudden. He craved what many animals crave. At first it was just simple sustenance.

His mother found him (us?) sneaking food from the fridge. Jerky, stewed meats, roasted animals-

He found himself wondering what it would taste like to sink his newly grown and sharpened fangs into the warm flesh of an animal whilst alive. To feel the hot, red, blood run down its side and across his tongue. To feel the skin and muscle give way to his little claws.

He didn't like that.

He was strong. He pushed those thoughts away and I shrank back, as if beat. I knew then, I had a lot to learn. It's difficult, to crave what you do but be denied it. We were young. I was wild, unrestricted, and untamed. I retreated.

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Fear.

Anger.

Panic.

I arose once more.

The mother was in danger.

I protected.

He was too small. Too young. Too inexperienced to use me to his full capabilities. But his instincts were right. He was clever. He chose a mongoose.

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Despair.

They were gone. Just like that in an instant.

He wept.

I wept.

Guilt.

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His life was not easy. He was used and abused. And yet he maintained his childlike innocence. His curiosity was never sated. Even on the worst of days he kept me pushed away in the depths of his mind. Even when pain seared against his back as he was beat and punished. Even when he felt his anger grow and fester as he was tortured- some sort of guilt and ache remained- enough to smother me.

His powers had failed him when he needed it most.

Why couldn't he grow bigger? Why couldn't he save his parents?

And now he had nowhere to go.

He was caged like an animal.

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He found a family once more.

I, once restless beneath his skin, settled- content.

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Sometimes I felt him calling me. Whispers. He didn't know I was there. He didn't realize he had me within him. This power. But, perhaps instinctively (hah) he sometimes urged for more power.

To grow.

Mento. That is what he referred to him as. Mento not Steve. Mento and Rita. Hardly ever Elastigirl. I suppose that says a great deal about their relationship.

The Doom Patrol.

I gave him what he needed. Nothing more. Nothing less. He worked for everything he had.

Finally. Finally, he was able to shift into something more menacing than his little human body could ever be.

He grew.

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He was restless.

I felt it.

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He found another family.

The leader. The alien. The friend. The mate.

His pack.

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When he first caught her scent he was a bit wary of her. I was a bit wary. Her scent was mellow to his nose, a pleasant and welcome change after being surrounded by polluted city air and perfumed humans. But there was something beneath the surface, like burnt wood- incense? Ash. Sulfur. His instincts were shifty around her. Run. But there was something more…primal about her that was intriguing. And through the conflicting smells she was…nice.

She laughed at something he said.

I felt my container glow.

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For a while I settled back down again. My container was safe. He was cared for. He did plenty of irresponsible things but none that the boy couldn't handle. The robot- Cyborg, my container calls him. Cyborg teased him for not eating any meat. If my container listened to me, I would tease him as well.

Beast Boy knows the taste of meat well (probably more so than the proud carnivore himself). My container has tasted the freshest flesh and I fear he hates himself for it. But he was young and he was starving and, I…admittedly may have played a part in what he considers that "moment of weakness." He knows it tastes good but that is beside the point. He craves meat. He is an animal almost as much as he is a man after all. I will continue to crave for meat but I know now not to push him for it. It will do no good to create conflict between us two. My container, though strong in different ways, has been through too much to have to wrestle with me as well. He is…delicate.

The Beast growled deep in the recesses of Beast Boy's mind.

But he is growing. I am growing.

But I will rest.

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I have seen her mind.

It is much different than my containers.

My container's is lush with green and life- with trees and plains and gushing waters. There are dry plains and jungles and everything in between. It reminds him of Africa. There are no clear boundaries. His thoughts spiral everywhere, restless and forever changing just as his shifting powers.

Hers though…her mind is rigid and organized. Each…emotion? Each emotion has their own domain. She compartmentalizes herself.

But- I have noticed she doesn't restrain her emotions as much as she likes everyone to believe.

As my container wandered through her mind I watched. I drank in what details I could. I was still curious about this purple one.

Raven.

Beast Boy is unsure of what to think of her. Like his mind, his feelings around her are a jumbled mess. He cannot read them. They are so convoluted and messy that I doubt even she can read them and she's an empath. Perhaps that is good.

I have yet to decide what I think of her.

But, as I was saying: As Beast Boy and Cyborg traversed willy-nilly through the recesses of her mind- (quite intrusive if I can say so myself). I would not take kindly to any trespassers who dare step into my domain. My territory- I digress.

Raven's emotions guided them through and I noticed-

As I said before, she doesn't restrain them. They are free to come and go as they please. They venture into each other's sanctuaries. She…

He has a lot to learn about Raven.

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I have decided that though I love meat (even though my container does not) I hate fish.

If Beast Boy let himself have a taste of flesh again I wish he chooses seafood. I do not see the point in fish. There are too many of them, they smell, and they are salty.

But this fish in particular makes me grow restless within the dense trees of Beast Boy's mind.

I growl, low and deep as I watch Raven and Starfire fawn over this dark haired, beady eyed man. Starfire can do as she wishes. The leader, Robin, has her wordlessly claimed and if he cannot keep his prospective mate interested in him that is his problem.

My problem is with Raven.

I believe my container has an interest in her. He doesn't seem to know the extent of it but it is enough to know that this fish should keep his fins away from her. Beast Boy tries to impress her whenever he can, with his "dumb" jokes and flashy transformations. Normally she has some sarcastic quip ready to go but Beast Boy and I both know she enjoys our antics.

…His antics.

After all, her pink emotion, Happy, said so.

Back to the problem at hand.

Aqualad.

He was taller than my container. More well defined.

Fine. My container had a lot of growing still left to do. As I keep saying, he is young.

But Raven is fawning over this fish. She is blushing and smiling and-

Aqualad approached her. Did the fish say they should team up?

I sat up, eyes flashing- that would mean more time spent together. I couldn't let that happen.

But Beast Boy beat me to it. He stepped in, unhappy with the way things were going. He pushed Raven aside, away from Aqualad.

I sat down again.

Hating this fish would be easier if he wasn't sort of an okay guy.

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The blonde came next.

It was my container's turn to fawn.

She smiled. She laughed. She liked him.

Or so he thought.

I must admit I never felt much for her. I was in deep slumber during much of the ordeal. I don't know why but she didn't peak my curiosity like the dark one. The stormy tumult that was my containers mind grew fiercer with her arrival. His confusing emotions and feelings he felt for certain members of his pack became even trickier.

The forest landscape that was his mind was wrought with storms.

I wanted no part of this.

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I wish I paid more attention.

My ears would twitch when I heard Raven speak. She didn't seem to like the blonde. Terra.

Terra seemed to like my container well enough.

She seemed to prefer older men some more.

Beast Boy was crushed.

I should have paid more attention.

Now he mopes. I don't do moping. I fight.

But he was human after all. So I let him mope. He still had yet to fully notice me. I hid myself away once more during this ordeal. There was no need for me here.

I slept.

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Remember how I said I fight?

I was ready to fight when that bothersome, infuriating, and frustrating man came along. As if fish weren't bad enough now she had to go and fraternize with an annoyingly elegant paper knight?

Well, that's what he thought at first.

Beast Boy heard Raven speaking in hushed tones with someone in her room. Now, no one else in the tower would have known, even if they pressed their ears right up against the crack of her door. But my containers ears are not for show.

He could hear her laughing.

He could hear a man's voice.

I bared my teeth.

Who could be lurking in her bedroom?

He tried to peek into her room when she opened it for the briefest moment but she gave away nothing. I growled. The boy should try harder.

When the door slid shut he heard a name.

Malchior.

It was venom in my ears.

Beast Boy didn't like it one bit. He stormed away from the room, not even sure why he was angry. I would have chuckled if I wasn't so mad. My container still has a lot to learn.

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She stayed in that room with him for days.

I would know, Beast Boy snuck in there several times. (For her own protection, he would say to himself).

I scoffed at that.

Raven was strong. And perhaps (for this time) stronger than me. I took pride in that. If Beast Boy were to pick a mate I would suggest someone like her.

But when she morphed my container I wanted to lash out. Beast Boy was much too calm about it. She was part of our pack and perhaps something more so I would never harm her. But to use her powers on me- on him- to manipulate his form sent unpleasant shivers down my spine.

Now Beast Boy had always felt strange when her dark energy enveloped him on various occasions- I always felt unnerved by it. There was something dark to it but also something familiar. It was her. Her essence. Her soul.

The power she used in that moment to alter his DNA was not at all hers.

I didn't like it.

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The knight…the dragon…he hurt her.

And as much as I wanted to go and tear him apart my container stopped in Raven's room. First, he had to make sure she was all right.

I was pleased with his decision.

One should always make sure one's mate is safe. No matter what.

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Sometime late that night, Beast Boy went off on his own for a little while. He had to clear his mind. His thoughts and emotions were starting to settle. The wind in his mindscape was calmer.

He was starting to understand.

He had taken the form of a raven as he flew against the dark, night sky; only the moon and stars lit his path as he left the giant T and bright city behind.

And then, he morphed.

He transformed into the biggest creature he had ever changed into.

I felt myself grow.

I was stronger. He was stronger.

Beast Boy felt his spine elongate as vertebra popped into place. His coccyx lengthened, the muscles on his back tensed and split as cartilage grew. Tendons extended and muscles stretched. His skin grew taught, epithelial cells grew keratin as scales formed into place. He felt his claws extend. The cells in his body worked fast, replicating and shifting-

I wanted to roar and I felt him struggle against the urge as well.

Beast Boy has transformed into countless Earth creatures and even alien animals.

A dragon, after all, fictional or not, was a beast nonetheless. And a fierce one at that.

The instincts of a dragon were ferocious and for a second I felt my container tremble against them. He understood the nature of most animals. But a dragon…was unpredictable. He opened his jaws and let out a burst of fire, a feeling of powerful elation bubbling up in his scaly chest.

But just as quickly he bottled it down and shifted back into a raven, dropping a few feet from the air before his mind cleared.

That creature had caused her heartache.

He vowed never to use it except in the grimmest of circumstances.

I vowed if it ever came down to that he would use me instead.

We both grew stronger that day.

I believe that was the day he may have felt a slight presence of me in his mind.

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Finally, I was strong enough to break free of this containment.

The chemicals from the animal testing facility were just the right amount of catalyst to push me through the surface.

Beast Boy was now aware of my presence and he didn't like it.

The other members of his pack didn't care for me either.

Except Raven.

"Good," she had said when Beast Boy confided in her that he could feel me lurking inside even after Cyborg had given him an antidote. I snorted in the recesses of his mind. Antidote. You can't fix me. There's nothing to be fixed.

I had raised myself on my haunches when that fool Adonis dared touch what was mine. He had pinned her to the ground and purred.

I grow restless just thinking about it.

I admit I was a bit unused to the freedom I had. And…the chemicals did have some sort of effect on me. All the learning I did while watching Beast Boy grow- vanished.

I behaved wrongly. I know that now.

I scared Raven- but I was mad. When I saw her all I could think about was what could have happened. The other members of the pack have horrible noses. They can't smell anything. They don't know what Adonis was thinking when he had her so close. What he wanted to do-

I growled.

But I will not apologize for taking form and protecting her.

I will do it again if I must.

That fool came into my territory. Of course I would fight for it. Some time during our brawl, somewhere in the halls of the tower I heard her voice. She must have heard the sounds of our fight and come to assist me but I hadn't forgotten about Adonis' intentions with her. I snarled and lunged at the brown beast as he picked up on her scent as well and turned to the door.

He would not have her!

But I was still unused to being so tangible somewhere other than my containers mind. Adonis was able to break free of my grasp and knock the door down. I saw a glimpse of her dark cloak and frightened face and I fumed. How dare he scare her like that?

She screamed, caught by surprise.

There was a fight, brief but primal as I dragged Adonis back into the room. He clawed at my walls, at anything he could touch-

In then end he sunk his claws into her cloak, knocking her unconscious before leaping out the window.

I chased him.

He comes into my territory and physically abducts my mate?

That was unacceptable.

We fought once again in the sewers and by the time I had rescued Raven I was on edge- ready to fight anything, anyone who approached her.

Beast Boy tells me that was wrong.

The pack…you don't fight the pack.

Of course I know that. It was just a momentary slip…

But now they are all aware of me and I am content for now.

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I always knew she was strong.

I always knew there was a reason all his instincts yelled at him to flee when he first met her.

She was supposed to destroy the world. But she refused. She wouldn't go down without a fight.

There came a time where she used her powers brashly and…violently. She threw around that one eyed enemy- Slade- like a ragdoll.

I felt Beast Boy watch her in awe- and fear. But there was pride there too. He always knew she was powerful and this…she was capable of so much…bad. She was destined for something horrible.

But she chose to do good.

She reminds me of me.

They watched a sunrise sometime before the end of the world and Beast Boy plucked up the courage to rest his arm across her shoulders.

Romantic, he thought briefly before smothering it.

I chuckled.

Still young.

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The dire circumstance had arrived once more.

Raven was in danger.

The world was about to end.

But his thoughts were simple.

Protect her.

And he freely relinquished his control to me.

I fought the fire creatures with a ferocity I have never fought before.

Much, much later after all the destruction was over he plucked up the courage to embrace her. She had told him to get off but Beast Boy could smell her ease and her relaxed muscles. She wasn't uncomfortable and he quite enjoyed the feel of her against him.

I would remember this.

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She is…not that good with kids.

This is not positive news.

Beast Boy was talking to her through the communicator. I don't like this whole situation with being spread across the world. We're too far from the pack. Packs should stick together that is why we are a pack.

What if something were to happen and she stepped into danger? Would I even know? I would be unable to come to her aid. The thought was deplorable.

But this mission she was assigned to was a "simple babysitting job." (Her words not mine).

My container still worried, I could feel it. He understood the gravity of this situation more than anyone else in the pack. He has had experience with many of these villains. Things could go south in a second. They were now fighting enemies much stronger than the everyday villains they fought back home in Jump City. Not just stronger. Lawless. They cared for nothing but themselves. There never were any rules but these villains were ruthless. Evil was a game to them. Killing was as simple as blinking. I grumbled. The pack needed to be together.

Beast Boy was trying to tell her a joke to relay to the children. She was actually listening very intently. It was…endearing.

A part of him thought what it would be like to have young with her.

This was the only time during the whole Brotherhood fiasco that he was glad she wasn't in his immediate vicinity. That way she wouldn't be able to feel his emotions in that moment. He was glad she hung up before she saw the blush rise up to his face.

"I've got to watch the kids," she had said one of the next times they spoke. That sent his imagination running wild. She didn't hang up after she said this and instead started addressing the three children.

I watched curiously.

She wasn't that good with the litter in the beginning but it seems she had started to feel a loyalty towards them – a fierce one at that. I purred lowly in satisfaction. That would do just fine. She was worried that the pups would be in danger if she left. My rumble deepened.

Perhaps, the container and the mate would handle their young differently. Him, with his smiles and laughter. Her, with her protection and, though she tried to hide it, silent love. Neither way was wrong.

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Now starts a new set of stories and this time I think I'll let Beast Boy have a say in recounting them as well. He…acknowledges me more now. I could tell he used to…resent me? No, that is the wrong word. He was wary of me. I was a power too much for him to contain. I was allowed some sort of freedom- as in…our thoughts influenced each other.

I said it before and I'll say it again.

We are one in the same.

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Authors Notes

mwanangu, mtoto wangu, and mpenzi translates to: My son. My child. My love.

It has been a long, long time since I've written anything Teen Titans related. (8 years? I hope I've grown).

I had fun exploring the Beasts POV through the TT series. I'm considering continuing this from Beast Boy's POV (sort of). Let me know what you think! Reviews are greatly appreciated.

Take care,

Magma

Prospective Preview?

"No," Beast Boy said firmly. "I don't care. You can't heal yourself if you're dead." Raven's magic faltered at his words. "Look at me," he said, pushing her hands away. She refused. "Raven, look." Finally she turned so their eyes met and he could see the pain in hers. She blamed herself. And she shouldn't. "I won't let anyone hurt you, Rae. Not if I can help it."

EDIT: This is "continued" in my story Influential Love.