Albus Dumbledore never was very good at Herbology. He would not have known a privet bush if it had bit him, other than knowing it was used in hedging.

Unfortunately for his plans, he got confused between Privet Drive and Box Drive, Box being another kind of hedging shrub.

The inhabitants of number 4, Box Drive were Mr. Taurus Black, a squib, and Mrs. Eufemia Filch Black, a dropout from Hogwarts, with a total of five OWLS. The ministry, however, recognised her as a witch permitted to use a wand for cleaning and other household spells because she had graduated her OWLs, more or less, and because the Filch family were an old family despite its distressing tendency to throw up squibs and near squibs. Effie, as she liked to be called, remained on good terms with her embittered cousin Argus, whose own magic had been reduced to squibdom from its low level much like hers by a ritual which had gone wrong. Very few people knew that Filch owed his position to the guilt trip of one Albus Perceval Brian Wulfric Dumbledore who had offered to perform the ritual for an old schoolfriend and who had failed royally.

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Naturally the Blacks knew exactly who Harry Potter was when they read the letter. The compulsion on it did not affect them since it was geared to Petunia's latent magic.

"Whatever was Albus Dumbledore thinking, to leave this poor bereaved mite on anyone's doorstep!" said Effie, angrily. "Especially that Dursley woman, who has delusions of adequacy."

"We are not rightly supposed to have him ..." Taurus, known as Bull, said.

"Nonsense," said Effie. "If you ask me, Magic herself has played a trick on Dumbledore, because he must be insane to trust a magical child to Petunia Dursley. I didn't know she was Lily Evans Potter's sister, but I wager that the Potters would not have wanted their precious baby entrusted to that broken down nag and her walrus."

"But won't we be charged with kidnapping?" asked Bull, who was as meek as a lamb in his own house.

"Not if we go up to Gringotts and register ourselves as his magical guardians through blood," said Effie. "The goblins can be nasty little bastards when they choose, but I wager they'd move heaven and earth to put a prank over Dumbledore."

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Taurus did not dislike goblins; he had a fellow feeling for other members of the magical community who were discriminated against, and had gone to the lengths of learning Gobbledegook purely because it amused him to be treated to more respect for knowing goblin customs and language than most of the pure blood wizards.

Accordingly, he greeted not a teller, but the supervisor, reading the name badge accurately, not the English version.

"Garfang, may your gold and standing increase whilst your enemies sag in humiliation before you end them," he said to the goblin labelled 'Speartooth' in English. Gobbledegook had its roots in Old English too.

Garfang showed the polite number of teeth.

"Mr. Black, may your holdings grow whilst your enemies plead on their bellies," he replied. "What can I do for you?"

"My wife and I came accidentally into possession of one Harry James Potter, because the old meddler made a mistake," said Bull. "We would like to see if it is possible to adopt him because of his grandmother being my aunt."

"That should not be a problem," said Garfang, "I'll have a word with Griffclee."

Soon the Blacks and Harry were being led to a conference room by the goblin usually referred to as Griphook,

Having verified who the baby was, with a drop of blood, Griffclee grinned a pleased grin.

"He is a warrior, this one," he said. "See how well he retaliated with such minimal resources at his disposal!"

Harry had peed on Griffclee and threw the teddy bear Effie had got for him on the way.

"He will learn to discriminate who is a real enemy when he is older," said Bull, thankful that the goblin took Harry's disapprobation so well.

"He will learn to aim better as well," said Griffclee. "If you would care to make me his Godfather, I can teach him goblin fighting techniques legally, because we don't want Mr. Tom Riddle returning either."

"Excuse me?" said Bull.

"The dark lord; He-who-must-not-be-named; Voldemort. His real name is Tom Riddle out of the house of Gaunt, and he came in to claim his birthright. Which I am sure can go to Harry here by right of conquest," said Griffclee. "I'll talk to some people."

"Oh I am a believer in depriving the enemy of resources; even if you can tie it up in legal wrangling for the next fifty years or so that would be useful," said Bull.

Griffclee chortled happily.

A few painful signatures with blood quills later and Mr. and Mrs. Taurus Black were the legal guardians of Mr. Hercules 'Herry' James Potter Black, named according to the Black family traditions. They had a key at their disposal for his trust fund, and a stipend for his care from the Potter main vault, all previous keys destroyed, the stipend to the Dursleys diverted before it began, and the monies in circulation as the account manager saw fit.

"Get him interested in amateur dramatics and show him spy movies," said Griffclee. "I have no doubt that Dumbledore has his own agenda in sending the poor brat to his aunt and uncle, if they are as likely to despise magic as you think. He needs to know who he is and how he fits into society without being convinced he's a hero. Huh, if raised without knowledge of magic ... Great Horned Old Ones!" he exclaimed. "He would know no better than to treat old pure blood families to muggle manners and they would be offended, losing him potential allies and alienating potential rivals still further!"

"I'm going to strangle that old man," said Effie.

Griffclee laughed.

"We're going to strangle that old man in his own hubris," he said.

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Hercules James Potter Black was excited to be going to school at last. He was fluent in Gobbledegook, a competent potioneer, well read in history, very capable with knife, sword and axe, rather good at warding and ward breaking, and he wanted a squint at the old gaga who had set him up to be groomed as a loser. He was wearing the heir rings of house Potter and house Black, as Griffclee had discovered that he had become heir to the Lord Black currently in prison for betraying James and Lily Potter. Herry thought it a tremendous irony, until he had asked Griffclee why he would be in the will of a man who wanted him dead.

The investigation of why a sworn godfather would be alive if he had betrayed his godson would be undertaken while Dumbledore was too taken up with the beginning of term to keep an eye on the Wizengamot.

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Herry had enjoyed shopping in Diagon Alley even more than normal excursions. He shuddered to think how horrible it would have been if he had been untutored in the Wizarding World and possessed of a distinctive scar. Griffclee had seen to having it removed by an ancient goblin curse breaker of great power and a command of scatological English which impressed Herry more than his skill in curse breaking. The command of scatological Old English had enthused Herry in the study of Ancient Runes as well.