The Raven.

By Edgar Allan Poe and Akamatsu Ken.

Proof Reading and Editing by Shadow Crystal Mage.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore—

"Shut up, I'm never weak or weary," Evangeline muttered, bitterly flipping through her latest issue of Hot Shota and Idiot Heroes in Speedos Magazine, one dark and stormy night, in her cabin in the woods.

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

"'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door— Only this and nothing more."

"Go the fuck away!" Evangeline shouted, never lifting her gaze from the pages. Oh yeah, work the banana hammock!

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December; and each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.

Eagerly I wished the morrow;—vainly I had sought to borrow from my books surcease of sorrow—sorrow for the lost Lenore—

For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore— Nameless here for evermore.

"Sh-Shut up, it's not like I miss that idiot Nagi or anything!" Eva sniffled while flipping another page. "And why the hell are you calling him Lenore?!"

And the silken, sad, uncertain rustling of each purple curtain thrilled me—filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; so that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating "'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door— Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; this it is and nothing more."

Eva finally put the magazine down, sighing wearily. "Of all the bloody nights for Chachamaru to be off undergoing upgrades..."

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer.

"Sir," said I, "or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore; but the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door, that I scarce was sure I heard you"

Here I opened wide the door—

Darkness there and nothing more.

"Okay, you asked for it!" Evangeline stomped for the front door. "I hope you have a good reason to come here, moron- one good enough to die for!"

She violently pulled the door open and found herself staring into the deserted, cold woods of the Mahora forests.

"It's you playing 'knock and run away at superspeed' pranks again, right, Kasuga?" she sneered venomously. "I'm on to you, I'm going to punish you so badly next time I see you..."

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing.

Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.

And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, "Lenore?"

This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, "Lenore!

Merely this and nothing more.

"Like fuck," Eva grouched, slamming the door closed and stomping back to her couch. "There's nobody out there, why bother?!"

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning, soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.

"Surely," said I, "surely that is something at my window lattice; let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore— Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; 'tis the wind and nothing more!"

Evangeline marched angrily towards the newest source of disturbance at her window. "That's it, if it's one of those damn cats, I don't care what Chachamaru will think, someone's getting a trip downriver in a basket filled with rocks..."

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter, in there stepped a stately Raven of the saintly days of yore. Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he; but, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door.

Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door.

Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Sakurazaki Setsuna flew in, naked and with her white wings spread, and then perched herself above Evangeline's door.

Eva blinked, simply way too stunned at the utter strangeness of it all to be upset anymore. For now, at least.

"What the fuck...? Sakurazaki, have you been drinking?! You found Konoe cheating on you with Kagurazaka, or what?!"

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling, by the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore.

Evangeline smirked evilly at Setsuna's stoic, fixed expression. "That's it, right? Your pathetic, feeble mind ran into something it couldn't handle, and now you've cracked! But, as soon as you regain your sense, oh, how ashamed will you be then! That'll be delicious to behold!"

"Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou," I said, "art sure no craven, ghastly grim and ancient Raven wandering from the Nightly shore. Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"

"Nevermore!" Setsuna said.

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

Eva blinked again. "Say what?"

Much I marveled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly, though its answer little meaning—little relevancy bore.

For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door.

Bird or beast upon the sculptured bust above his chamber door, with such name as 'Nevermore.'

Eva raised her eyebrows in complete befuddlement. "What in the world happened to you, Sakurazaki? You read all of UQ Holder in a single sitting? You tried to make sense out of Unequally continuity? You saw a GUST doujin? Speak, woman! Speak already!"

"Nevermore!" Setsuna said.

But the Raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only that one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.

Nothing farther then he uttered—not a feather then he fluttered— till I scarcely more than muttered "Other friends have flown before— On the morrow he will leave me, as my Hopes have flown before."

Evangeline folded her arms. "Look, if you're trying to gain my sympathies so I do something for you, you're doing it the wrong way. Flatter me, promise you'll do something for me, I don't know, help me with my homework, but acting like a raving lunatic in the middle of the night won't get you any favors from me. You know I take no pity on anyone!"

"Nevermore!" Setsuna said.

Then the bird said "Nevermore."

"Are you mocking me, imbecile?!" Eva screeched, her temper flaring. "You know I could kill you right where you stand with the greatest of ease! I haven't done it so far, only because you're sitting on a perfectly good door!"

"Nevermore," Setsuna said.

"Good! Then get down already!"

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken, "Doubtless," said I, "what it utters is its only stock and store caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful Disaster followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore— Till the dirges of his Hope that melancholy burden bore of 'Never—nevermore'."

"Nevermore," Setsuna said.

"..." Evangeline said. "Okay, congratulations, now you're officially the weirdest person in all of 3-A. Saotome will either be relieved or terribly offended, I'm sure..."

But the Raven still beguiling all my fancy into smiling.

Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird, and bust and door.

Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking.

Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore— what this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore meant in croaking "Nevermore."

"Okay, I'll bite," Eva sighed, thus saying the sentence nobody ever wants to hear from a vampire. "What's with the 'nevermore'? Why are you repeating that, even if you're heartbroken, instead of your eternal wail of 'Ojou-sama'?"

"Nevermore," Setsuna said.

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing to the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core.

This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining on the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er.

But whose velvet-violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er, she shall press, ah, nevermore!

"Hmmmmm," the blonde pondered, settling herself down on the couch set before the door. "I see, so in the end it's a matter of the heart after all. Hah! You fool, that is exactly why I have never stooped to l-loving others!"

"Nevermore," Setsuna said.

Eva abruptly ceased in her dry mocking laughter to stare in burning contempt at her. "What did you just mean with that? That I once ever did?"

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.

Eva's head snapped to a side and she growled, "Aisaka, get out already."

A voice shyly spoke from the darkness of the room. "But, but it's dark and scary and lonely outside, and I want to see what's troubling her, and I even turned on this nice air freshener Asakura gave me so we'd be more comfortable, and, and-!"

"OUT!" Eva commanded.

There were several helpless whimpers, then the door opened itself and closed itself back just as soon.

"Wretch," I cried, "thy God hath lent thee—by these angels he hath sent thee. Respite—respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore; quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!"

"Okay," Eva seethed at Setsuna again, "now start by telling me, why are you implying I have ever loved anyone? And don't start telling me I'm being suspiciously specific in my denials, I haven't even mentioned Nagi's name yet!"

"Nevermore," Setsuna said.

"Damn right I won't!"

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil! Whether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted. On this home by Horror haunted— tell me truly, I implore— Is there— is there balm in Gilead?—tell me—tell me, I implore!"

Eva stood back, then began pacing back and forth before the door, gesturing intensely to herself while Setsuna kept on her strangely fixed poker face. "I mean, why should I be thinking of that cretin anymore? I only wanted him to break my curse, and now I have his son to do that for me!"

"Nevermore," Setsuna said.

"WHAAAAAT?-!"

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

"Prophet!" said I, "thing of evil!—prophet still, if bird or devil! By that Heaven that bends above us—by that God we both adore— Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, it shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore— Clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore."

"What do you mean he won't?!" Eva protested, gesturing threateningly. "Of course he will! He adores me! He's clay in my hands! Mine to form and make into a man! He respects me even more than he respects Hasegawa! He will always do as I say, no matter what I ask of him!"

"Nevermore," Setsuna said.

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

"Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!" I shrieked, upstarting. "Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Leave my loneliness unbroken!—quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"

"That's enough!-!" the vampire yelled. "You're lucky this isn't a full moon night, but as soon as the next one comes, consider yourself dead! Now leave, leave, leave my house forever! Sakurazaki Setsuna! How dare you, questioning my disciple's loyalty! He will always choose me over all others!"

"Nevermore," Setsuna said.

Quoth the Raven "Nevermore."

"OKAY, YOU ASKED FOR IT...!-!-!"

And the Raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting on the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door.

And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming.

And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor.

And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor

Shall be lifted—nevermore!

Sakurazaki Setsuna woke up the next morning badly beaten all over, tossed into the woods, and quickly swearing to herself never to touch liquor with Mana after a mission again.

Evangeline would not speak to her for weeks afterward, but at the very least she didn't kill her off either.

Negi never married Eva, by the way. Though she did pull a Scathach.

Finis.