A/N: Bless public holidays! Somehow it feels surreal this is already over, I had loads of fun writing this and I want to thank you for your amazing feedback, for favoriting and following this story and especially for everyone leaving me their two cents about this in a review - you all made my last (very stressful) week very much enjoyable. Now I really gotta concentrate on preparing for my first state examination, so if you see me posting something else, that means I'm procrastinating (again).
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the last part of this but I hope you enjoy it. Tell me what you think! x
9 p.m.
She took another step closer to the mirror, dropping the loose cardigan she had been wearing all day to the floor, and took a closer look at the woman staring back at her from the reflection.
Slowly she let her eyes wander over all the drawings on her body, taking in the tattoos so permanently etched into her skin. She followed them with her hand up her arm until she reached the sleeve of her t-shirt and stopped there, looking back at the woman in the mirror who met her eyes unblinking.
These tattoos were so foreign to her and yet at the same time, she couldn't picture herself without them anymore. Just hours ago they had scared her, had been herald for all the things that had happened to her that she couldn't remember and now…
Following a sudden instinct, she pulled her shirt over her head and let it fall to the ground and her pants soon followed, creating a small pile of clothes at her feet that she stepped over to get a closer look at herself in the mirror.
Of their own accord her eyes wandered down to her stomach, grazed by a red, burning rose, and her hands came up to cover it protectively. It was stupid to try to protect a fetus that didn't exist – at least not inside of her anymore – but it was the one thing that she hadn't been able to shake ever since she had woken up in the hospital. She still felt the warmth and the love, radiating from her abdomen to her heart just like when she had been pregnant with Avery.
But Avery was a young woman now, and had spent eighteen years of her life without her. She was grateful they had the relationship they did and she was trying to come to terms with that fact.
Still, she was protective of her belly.
For a moment she kept her hands pressed to the painted skin on her lower abdomen, letting herself live in the memory of having a little life growing inside of her and of her brother loving this little life more than anything, but when she opened her eyes back up, she let her arms drop to her side and tried to push the moment back into her mind.
You're not pregnant anymore, she kept telling herself, ignoring the part of her heart that simply didn't want to believe her mind.
Instead she busied her hands by getting rid of her sports bra and panties, too, until she was standing in the bedroom completely naked, taking in every little detail on her body as if she was seeing it for the first time, which in some ways she was.
She followed the dark lines, tried to make sense of the seemingly random structures and pictures on her skin and kept hoping that one of these pesky little fragments that were still lingering in her mind just out of her reach, would come back to her. She was sick of only knowing half of the story, of only being told everything instead of remembering for herself because she knew that her friends would tell her stories just a little bit differently from what she remembered feeling at the time – if she remembered anything.
Usually they would make her look better and themselves look worse and she hated not knowing what really happened, hated depending on their stories to fill the blanks in her own past for her and she tried so hard not to think about the possibility of her current predicament being permanent.
Some things had come back, mostly inklings and hunches and what her intuition told her but it was not the same thing and she had hoped that the tattoos would trigger something more, they had spent their time chasing them after all, hadn't they?
Having completed her first inventory of her front, Jane craned her neck now to get a better look at her back and stared at the bold capital letters that were staring right back at her.
KURT WELLER FBI
She had seen the tattoo through the back neckline in her wedding dress on the video they watched and of course Kurt had told her about it, but for the first time now she really looked at it and made herself realize just how big of an impact the man who was currently preparing their dinner had had on her life and her body.
Maybe it was the knowledge that they were bound together in more ways than marriage that made her feel this absolute certainty about their future together but she doubted that was the sole reason. She knew she loved him, although she couldn't remember all the details and reasons why she did, and she knew that this love funded on something greater than just his name being tattooed on her back.
Speaking of the devil, she thought when she heard his footsteps approaching and briefly considered covering herself up but before she could even pick up her cardigan from the floor, he had already entered their bedroom, the small smile on his lips freezing in place when he took in her appearance.
As awkward as the moment could've been, she enjoyed his obvious reaction to her body more than she would like to admit, especially to herself. She hadn't yet decided whether she felt beautiful with these tattoos but the way Kurt was staring at her right now, his mouth hanging slightly open, made her feel as powerful as a goddess and she loved that feeling.
Taking a hesitant step towards him she tried not to feel too hurt when he adverted his eyes and turned to leave the room, telling her that dinner was ready.
"Kurt", she called his name, catching his hand and making him stop in his tracks before he could flee the room.
She tugged at his hand until he turned back towards her, his eyes stubbornly resting on her face with so much heat in them that he tried to hide from her. But she didn't want him to hide it, she wanted him to show her and it frustrated her to no end that he didn't make any effort to shorten the distance between them.
"Would you kiss me?", she asked him quietly, shyly and his eyes widened in confusion and worry.
He didn't reply anything but she could see the 'No' already forming on his lip and, feeling discouraged, she started stepping back. Before she had lifted one foot off the ground, though, he took her face in both of his hands and her eyes fluttered close, anticipating the feeling of his lips on hers that she missed so much but instead she felt him press a kiss to her forehead before taking a step back again and gently letting go of her hands.
"Dinner's getting cold", he told her innocently when she scowled at him and she rolled her eyes, muttering "So am I", under her breath, immediately hoping he hadn't heard it but of course he had. As if Kurt Weller would miss anything that related to her.
"No you're not", he replied with a shadow of a smile that she couldn't quite read and a sadness in his eyes that didn't match his tone. "You are very, very hot. And now get dressed so we can get you fed."
-.-.-
10 p.m.
"I'm fine", she told him without looking up from her lap where her sketchbook was resting and she had started drawing mostly random patterns.
"The doctor said to go back to the hospital should you experience any sort of pain", he reminded her, his hand still on her forehead, feeling for her temperature before moving down and putting it on the base of her neck, apparently not sensing anything out of the ordinary there either. Not like that would've stopped him. "I'm getting a thermometer", he told her, getting up from the couch and walking over to the kitchen where she knew the first aid kit was being stored.
One of their first aid kits anyway.
When he had his back turned to her, she looked up, following him with her eyes as he padded barefoot through the living room, still in the rumpled shirt he had worn all day.
"Why do you even have a thermometer?", she asked him, cocking her head to the side, "I thought those were only important to have with kids." She had googled that.
"Well, A", he responded while squatting down, looking through the cabinet, "My sister and her kid lived with me at some point, and B", he looked back over his shoulder at her as he pulled the small bag from the cupboard, "I have to be able to take care of you, don't I?"
"I thought we took care of each other?", she grinned innocently as she threw his earlier words back at him.
Shaking his head he returned to the couch and put his haul on the coffee table. "We do", he agreed absentmindedly, "But you're the one fresh out of a coma experiencing headaches."
"I told you they're not that bad."
Jane rolled her eyes as he pulled out the thermometer and obligingly turned her head to the side so he could access her ear. She waited until the device beeped, announcing it had a figure for them and when Kurt didn't say anything, she turned her head back to look at him. He was staring at the tool as if it alone was responsible for his unteachable wife.
"I told you. It's fine."
"Just because you're not heating up, doesn't mean you're fine", he responded in mock annoyance.
Jane giggled and leaned forward to put her head against his shoulder. Physical contact always seemed to lessen the ever-present pain in her temple as if the heat of his body burned away everything that was wrong in the world.
"I almost get the feeling you want me to be sick", she teased him, glad when instead of pouting some more, he leaned back against the backrest and let her curl up on his lap. She almost purred when his hands came up to gently caress her head, taking turns massaging her temples and her neck.
"I don't want you to be sick", he replied with a heavy sigh, "I'm just worried about something happening to you. I can't… I can't lose you and I've come so close just a few days ago."
His voice broke and she turned slightly so she could reach out to cup his face with her hand, stroking his beard when he leaned into her touch, "I'm right here", she told him quietly.
"But you lost your memories. I just-", he sighed again, turning his head to press a kiss into her palm before covering her hand with his tentatively, "I wish I could just wrap you in bubble wrap and blankets and keep you far away from the rest of the world. I wish I could keep you safe."
"If it's of any help to you", Jane broke the silence that had descended on them after his words, "I feel the same way about you. And the reason why I don't want to go to the hospital is…", she trailed of, not sure how to put into words what she was feeling.
"What is it, Jane?", his worried voice pulled her out of her own thoughts and she smiled involuntarily at him.
"I feel like I'm having these headaches because my mind is trying to wrap itself around these new memories I'm recovering", she told him, biting her lips as she tried to find better words, "Like a computer that's only ever been working with a limited program and it just takes time to install that new software and it takes more of its usual working storage to integrate all the new information but once the download and installation are complete, it'll run just as smoothly as it did before, only better because it now has more data it can access."
"Since when do you talk in computer metaphors?", he frowned at her, and she shrugged, "Something Patterson told me earlier."
"So you think the headaches are just a byproduct of your brain trying to process the memories that are coming back?", Kurt repeated, "But then why won't you let me take you to the hospital, just to get it checked out?"
"Because you shouldn't disturb a computer when it's installing a new program", she muttered in exasperation, her voice muffled by the fabric of his t-shirt she had buried her head in.
Gently his hand that was still tangled in her hair, tipped her head to the side again so she would meet his eyes. "But you're not a computer", he told her kindly, "What are you afraid of?"
She sighed, propping herself up on her elbows first before sitting up on the couch once more, leaning her head back against his shoulder so she wouldn't have to meet his eyes and could simultaneously enjoy the contact.
"I'm scared of them giving me some drug to sleep or something and I'm scared that if they make me go to sleep like that it could ruin all the progress I've made today", she admitted quietly, "And I'm scared that I won't get all my memories back. I'm grateful for you and our friends and Avery but I want to remember these things myself."
"You said you've regained some of them already, didn't you?", he inquired gently, rubbing his hand up and down her spine reassuringly.
"Yes, but there's still so much emptiness in me."
Jane felt his head lean against hers and his arms coming around her more steadily, pulling her closer into the cocoon he made for her with his body.
Her voice was so quiet, she wasn't sure how he could even make out the words but of course he could.
"What if I never get them back?", she asked, afraid of the answer and hating the tears that sprung to her eyes at the thought. She shook her head, trying to wipe away the weakness and the insecurities she had felt all day but of course that wouldn't work. All it did do was help two tears escape from her eyes, pushing them down her cheek and letting them drip from the tip of her nose.
"Jane, look at me", his voice brought her back once more and he continued only when she did as he asked, seeing his eyes were glazed with unshed tears just like hers.
"I believe you will get them back with all my heart", he told her, taking her face into both of his hands, making sure she understood what he was saying.
He surrounded her and being surrounded by him steadied her and so she let herself fall into his embrace, metaphorically, giving up the last restraint on her tears that she had had and let them fall freely down her cheeks and wet his hands, too.
Leaning forward he kissed every wet spot on her face, his stubble tickling her until she let out the first giggle that broke through the sobs and managed to keep the next one at bay.
"With that said", he continued as if nothing had happened, his thumbs rubbing small circles on her cheeks, "Even if you should never regain those memories, then we'll simply make new ones, okay? It'll be just another starting point."
11 p.m.
Kurt lingered underneath the warm spray of the shower just a little while longer, trying to wrap his head around everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.
For as long as Jane had been awake he hadn't been able to pull away to take that long needed shower but when she had wrinkled her nose at him in mock disgust he had taken the not-so-subtle hint and had headed for the bathroom. Not before asking her if she needed anything for at least five more times, but that went without saying.
He knew he was being overbearingly protective but he couldn't help it. Every fiber of his being wanted to take care of her, wanted to give her everything she deserved and then some more.
As he let the water run down his tired body soothingly, he closed his eyes thinking back to just a day ago when he hadn't even known if she would wake up again. He hardly noticed the tears spilling over and mixing with the water nor how his hands started shaking when he ran them through his wet hair – he was focused solely on the fact that she was just outside in their living room, wrapped safely into her favorite blanket, sketching.
She was safe.
And she had stayed with him, even when she hadn't remembered him. She barely knew him and still she trusted him and it was that thought that made him so hopeful for whatever came their way in the future. They would find their way.
Suddenly he desperately needed to see her, feel her, to make sure he hadn't dreamed the last day up in his head.
Turning the water off, he toweled himself off and got dressed as quickly as he could while trying to ignore the building pit in his stomach. Not that he was having luck with that.
When he stepped outside – his hair still wet and his shirt clinging to his damp body – his breath caught in his throat as he took in the scene in front of him, an exact copy of his worst nightmares.
Jane was standing at the kitchen counter, staring down at something small that she was holding in her hands. Only when she looked up did he see the tears in her eyes but his eyes stayed on the shiny object she was fiddling with – her wedding band.
Kurt was still standing several feet away from her and a part of him that sensed her distress wanted to close the distance, to sooth her and take care of her like he had promised but the other part… That part flashed back to a moment in their not-so-distant past and froze him in place.
He remembered the hurt and betrayed look on her face then, could hear her words still ringing through his head and he couldn't make himself move towards her, he could barely open his mouth to talk.
"Wh- What are you doing?", he asked her, taking a shaky step and immediately regretting it, seeing the room spin in front of his eyes. Still his eyes never wavered from her.
Jane's eyes widened when she realized how close to panicking he was and immediately she closed the distance between them. She could hardly see anything through the tears that were still running down her face but she reached out to him nonetheless, scared when he didn't respond to her touch as he had all day.
He stared down at her hand closing around his forearm but his mind was with the ring she was holding on to in her other hand. Closing his eyes, he tried to concentrate on the present, tried to keep his mind from all the possible worst-case-scenarios his mind was conjuring.
"I remember", her shaky voice cut through the static he was hearing and immediately his eyes flew up to meet hers, holding his breath when he saw anger reflected in them. It seemed to be directed more at herself than at him and despite his body having shut down, he frowned down at her. He didn't understand.
"I re- I remember taking it off", she tried to explain, gripping his arm more tightly in an attempt to steady herself, "An- And I remember how horrible it feels." Her voice broke and, regaining some control over his body, he reached out to take her other hand in his, turning and opening her clenched fist, so he could see the tiny piece of jewelry they had picked out together in a different life time.
Jane shook her head and the motion anchored him once more. Looking up he saw the pain he felt reflected in her expression and he opened his mouth, not sure what he wanted to say, but wanting to say anything at all. She beat him to it.
"I don't remember putting it back on", she told him, her whole body now trembling in synch with his own shaky hands. "I don't remember you putting it back on", she continued, her voice now barely more than a whisper, "And I feel s-so empty without it. Would you- would you put it back on?"
Her question threw him for a loop but, without conscious thought, he reached out to take the ring from her and held it in his hand carefully, as if he was afraid he would break it if he put too much pressure on it.
Taking her hand in his, he was glad when he found her splaying out her fingers at little, just like she had on their wedding day. Slowly he slipped the ring back onto her finger, glad when it went right back into its usual place, as if it had never been gone. He still felt the hole in his heart, though.
"I love you", he told her quietly, earnestly, his hand lingering on the wedding band until the urge to pull her closer got bigger than his need to look at the ring and he wrapped his arms around her firmly, letting the tears he had kept at bay run down his cheek and drip into her hair.
"And I was so scared", he whispered into her neck, glad when her arms came around to hug him back just as tightly and desperately. "Please don't ever take it off again."
"I won't, I promise."
12 p.m.
Once more Jane was standing naked in front of a mirror.
This time she was freshly showered, trying to decide whether to dry her hair or let it air dry. Small things like this, with close to no actual relevance made her wonder just how much she did the things now like she always had. Had she been a hair dryer person? A rub-a-towel- through-your-hair person? Or an air dry person?
Going through the essentials on the bathroom rack now she found mostly dark make-up, eyeliner and mascara and again she wondered whether Kurt liked it when she put it on or if he didn't mind her post-hospital no make-up face. She grinned at the thought of asking him about it, already having an inkling of what he would say.
With a sigh she put the small tubes back on the shelf and ran her towel through her short hair anew, deciding to use the hair-dryer since they were about to go to sleep and she didn't want to wake up on a wet pillow. She was also hoping she would get to cuddle up with her husband and she didn't want him having to deal with her cold, wet hair.
Her mind went back to the agony she had seen on his face when she had taken off her ring and she felt guilty for having put it there.
She couldn't put her finger exactly on why she had done it but in that moment it had felt so absolute and final. She had needed him to be the one to unjumble that mess her mind had become after that memory, had needed his reassurance that they were really okay and not as broken as they seemed in that short fragment she had remembered.
It was all good now. Her ring was exactly where it was supposed to be, grazing the fourth finger on her left hand and she appreciated it more now than she ever had. She knew she belonged here, belonged with him, as certain as she knew she needed the air around her.
Her eyes dropped to her pajama that was sitting next to Kurt's t-shirt that she had used once already to calm her nerves today and a mischievous smile spread on her head when, instead of taking her clothes from the edge of the bathtub as Kurt would undoubtedly expect , she pulled on his shirt and nothing else.
One last time she took in the sight of herself in the bathroom mirror and, taking a deep breath, she opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom and into their bedroom.
When she entered Kurt was staring at his phone in concentration, though a small smile was grazing his lips, and upon picking up on her presence he started talking, without looking up.
"Do you think you could help me out with these emojis? Bee always gets so happy when we send her some but that's always been your job. Wo-", he stopped mid-sentence when he looked up and found her only few feet away. "Didn't I give you your pajama?", he asked instead, clearing his throat and trying to look anywhere but at her exposed legs.
"You did", Jane grinned innocently, plopping down on the bed next to him – close enough so he could smell her freshly showered hair but not quite touching. "But I wanted to wear your shirt. I mean, if that's okay with you."
He met her eyes at that and she could've sworn she saw a blush creep into his cheeks beneath his stubble. "Yeah, it's okay", he answered, making a move to get up but she wouldn't let him get away that easily, so she tugged him back to the bed on his hand, letting her own hand linger on his wedding ring.
"Why won't you look at me?", she asked him with a frown, her head crooked to the side as she watched him intently, "Because I know that it's not because you don't want to look at me." Leaning forward a little bit further, she leaned her forehead against his, enjoying his shaky, accelerated hot breaths against her skin. "Why won't you kiss me?"
Instead of an answer he closed the remaining distance between them and met her lips, kissing her as desperately as she felt and, as if they had never done anything else, her left hand came up to his neck, pulling him even closer to her while her right hand stared nestling with the hem of the shirt he was wearing. Before she could so much as slip her hand underneath it, he had already broken the kiss, his body now further away but still close enough for her to hear his frantically beating heart.
Jane huffed in frustration, pulling her hands back and resting them in her lap instead, nestling with her ring. "Why do you keep doing that?", she asked him, meeting his bright blue eyes unwaveringly, "I have… I have all these things resting just beneath the surface and they feel so… right", now it was her time to start blushing, "If you're worried you're taking advantage of me, I promise you you're not. I want this. I want you."
"Jane", he interrupted her gently, inching a little bit closer and taking both of her hands in his, effectively stopping her from fidgeting, "That's not what this is about. Or", he added with a shrug at her disbelieving look, "Or at least that's not all that this is about."
"Then what is it about?", she wanted to know, "Because I know enough about you to know that you want me, too."
"Of course I want you", Kurt gave back, raising her hands to his lips and pressing a kiss to each one, "I always want you but, Jane, have you looked at yourself?"
Of course she had. She frowned at him, trying to figure what he meant because she was pretty sure she hadn't changed during her coma.
"You're covered in bruises", he explained with a sigh, letting go of her right hand to caress the one on her cheek, "They're mostly fading already but you also have two broken ribs that thankfully didn't puncture your lung. You're having headaches corresponding to memories you're regaining after you've lost them and you wouldn't even let me take you back to the hospital to get you checked out."
"You're such a boy scout", she muttered under her breath, no malice in her voice but instead a tiny smile on her lips when she reached out to cup his cheek gently.
He returned the smile and leaned into her touch, rubbing his stubble over her hand to tickle her, "As much as I want you, I want to make sure you are good even more. I need to make sure that you're okay because I cannot fathom losing you."
For a moment they stayed like that, looking into each other's eyes and enjoying the other's touch. Jane felt his warm words surround her like a blanket, felt them fill her heart and soul with a fuzzy feeling that let her stomach flutter with butterflies yet again.
"I love you", she told him earnestly, slowly running her hand down his cheek until it was resting on the back of his neck, letting her finger toy with his short hair.
His returning smile told her that this was exactly what he had needed to hear as it lit up the entire room and chased away the shadows that had crossed his features when he had talked about her injuries.
"I love you, too", he replied, leaning forward to kiss her gently.
She melted against his lips, still feeling them on hers even when he had already pulled away again.
"What do you say we get some sleep now?", he asked her lightly, pulling her up with him so he could pull the covers away, chuckling slightly when she jumped right back under them and looked up at him with her big green eyes, patting the side next to her.
After turning the lights in the room off, he settled in next to her, relishing in the feeling of her body curled around his. A feeling he had been denied for the last three days. He pulled her closer and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
Jane was already drifting into a light slumber when she felt his hand start rubbing random circles on her back and felt his lips on her forehead, and before she knew it, she was fast asleep.
1 a.m.
The longer she lay there staring at the ceiling in the dark room with Kurt breathing evenly next to her, the more she felt herself begin to panic.
They were coming back.
All of her memories were raining down on her, flickering through her mind in a hazy blur and leaving her reeling. If she could've moved even one muscle she would've tried to wake up Kurt, to have him help calm her down but as it was she could only lay there, trapped in her own body that refused to listen to her commands.
It was everything Kurt had told her about and then some more. It was heartbreak and loss and love and family and it all happened in less than five minutes, giving her no time whatsoever to take them in and figure them out. All of the sudden they were just there, ambushing her without warning or time to react.
They didn't come in any particular order.
She would see an image of herself on a night out with Tasha and Patterson but before she could grasp it, her mind would shove a sequence of Tasha shooting her in her face, making her question the warmth she had felt just seconds before.
Kurt would kiss her forehead only to arrest her right afterwards. Patterson would dance at their wedding and suddenly she was in a hospital, coding in surgery. She would be tortured, felt the burn of the electric chair only to wake up to the smell of pancakes in this very bed.
Then it stopped.
The onslaught of new old memories came to a halt and at the same time her headache returned to its usual background pounding.
All that was left was her in their bed with a head full of unsorted puzzle pieces. Slowly she started unjumbling them, her husband still sleeping soundly next to her.
Jane had her eyes closed, thankful for the firm arm that Kurt had kept on her waist throughout the night, glad it steadied her when everything else seemed to come crumbling down and at the same time come back to her. She felt a few tears slip out from under her eyelashes and let them run down the side of her head without moving.
She wasn't yet done sorting through all the new information when a small, quiet scene knocked the breath out of her completely and once more she felt as if she was falling. Her head was spinning. Kurt hadn't told her about this but he would've… if he had known, right? Did he not know or did he only want to save her more heartbreak? Was it… was it even possible?
Instinctively her hands wanted to reach out but she clenched her fists, using all her willpower to let them stay where they were as her heart began racing and she tried to search her mind for anything that could give her a clearer idea of what she had seen. A time reference, for example.
It couldn't be, right? She couldn't… and at the same time she felt her heart contradict her mind.
"Kurt", she whispered, turning around to shake his shoulder urgently, "Kurt."
Almost immediately his arm tightened around her waist and before he was even fully awake he had already turned on his back and sat up, halfway. "What is it, Jane? Are you okay?"
"I… I don't know", she choked out, grabbing his arm now that they were both sitting so she wouldn't fall because she felt lightheaded again.
"What's wrong? Did you remember something?" The worry in his voice and his hand that came up to pull her closer to him so he could see her eyes even in the dark room, made her body shake that much harder.
She tried to get her bearings together, to form a coherent sentence and to not worry him more than he already was.
"Can you turn on the lights?", she asked him and when he seemed reluctant to lean away from her, she gave his hand a slight squeeze and pushed him towards his bedside lamp, thankful when the light illuminated the room, taking with it some of her anxiety.
Kurt turned around again, looking her over, the frown on his forehead only deepening when his eyes fell on her tearstained face but instead of crawling to him for comfort, she very slowly, shakily got out of bed and turned to the closet, following the movements she had just remembered.
"Jane, what are you looking for? Please talk to me. Did you remember something?"
He was coming up behind her, not reaching out but giving her space as he watched her pull open the bottommost drawer and squat down to rummage through its contents.
Her hands came in contact with the small cardboard package and just like that she grew calmer again. Though calm might've been too strong of a word but she felt herself concentrate on what she knew she had found and it gave her back some of the control over her body.
Slowly she turned around, clasping the package in her hand as she looked up at her husband, standing a few feet away, his body completely rigid, on highest alert.
"I- I remember", she told him shakenly, taking a step towards him, and held out the carton she remembered stashing away so carefully just hours before the attack had left her to bleed out on the sidewalk and she had ended up at the hospital without memories. She knew she had felt as nervous and uncertain and equally thrilled then as she did now but had wanted to wait for him.
Now, above all, she was scared.
"What is th-", he started saying but then his confusion melted and instead he simply stared at her, eyes wide, just as afraid to hope as she felt.
"It's a pregnancy test", she told him unnecessarily, tightening her hand around the test as she tried to stay calm and swallow the lump that had started forming in her throat. "I didn't take it", she continued, her voice little more than a whisper with her hand reaching out to rest on her stomach as she had wanted to do so many times today. She had thought she was still stuck in the past but what if… what if her heart remembered her future even when her mind couldn't?
"Say something", she pleaded when he stayed quiet and she blinked away the tears that started blurring her vision.
Taking a step forward, he did the only thing he could think of and pulled her into his arms, letting her shaking body rest against his for as long as she needed.
"I don't know what to say", he admitted, trying to stay strong for her, to keep her steady when all he wanted to do was curl them into a ball and hide from whatever would happen next. He was so scared.
"I probably lost it during the attack, right?", she sobbed into his shoulder, immediately biting her lip to keep back another sob, "There's no way I'm-" She couldn't bring herself to say the words, couldn't even for a second imagine that fantasy because she was too afraid to hope. "We never really talked about having children."
Kurt nodded and, taking her face in both of his hands, leaned down to press a gentle kiss to her lips, pouring his own fear but also his hope in it, hoping she would understand.
"Do you want to have a child?", he asked her, pulling back just enough so he could meet his eyes, "I mean, another one?"
She thought about the question, though, if she was being honest she knew the answer. Had known it ever since she had woken up and had been told that her pregnancy was over, had felt it with every instinctual movement of her hand to her belly. So she nodded. "Do you want another one?"
His thumbs rubbed slow circles on her cheeks when he peered down at her with a smile slowly spreading on his lips, "There's nothing I want more."
"Okay. That's… that's good, I think, I-", she started rambling, staring down at the pink package in her hands before looking back up at Kurt with wide eyes, "I'm so scared", she whispered, "What if-"
"Then we'll try again", he cut her off, his certainty easing some of the pain that was filling her heart. "And we still have each other. We'll always have each other."
The next five minutes were the worst she had ever had and when the time on the counter told them they could look, Jane couldn't bring herself to open her tightly shut eyes to find out for certain because what if it said negative?
What if it said positive?
"Jane, do you want me to go looking?", Kurt's voice pulled her from her inner monologue and she realized in that moment, when she looked up to see his face wearing the same anxious mask that hers was, that he was right. They always had each other.
She would always have him and whatever happened, that would be enough, because even when he was scared himself, he would always try to lift as much weight from her shoulders as he possibly could, carrying the whole world in his own shoulders instead.
Instead of answering she stood up from where she had sat on the edge of the bed and walked over to where he had been pacing, closing the distance between them until her body was flush against his. Very confidently she took his face in both her hands and kissed him on the lips. It was a hard, determined kiss and when she pulled back again she told him, with all her certainty, that she loved him.
"We should do this together. As a team."
Kurt took the first step, Jane's hand clasped tightly in his when took the tiny pink stick into his other hand and stared at it – two lines where staring back at him.
Jane's eyes had turned wide and her mouth was forming a perfectly shaped 'O' when she looked at the stick, back at her husband and then back at the stick again before the reality of what she was seeing caught up with her.
"We're pregnant", she exclaimed into Kurt's shirt, half crying, half laughing, as his strong arms came around her waist, picking her up from the floor and whirling her around in the small room.
"We're going to have a baby", he whispered against her lips when he set her back down.
As he held Jane – and their child – in his arms now, he realized once more just how close he had gotten to lose them and it made him hold on that much tighter and swear a little more fiercely to protect both of them against the rest of the world. When he looked down at her, he found the same determined protectiveness reflected in her eyes.
They wouldn't let anyone hurt their family ever again.
THE END
A/N2: I'm sorry I didn't resolve the Roman issue but honestly, I can't think of a happy ending for that one and it's breaking my heart.