WARNINGS!

- Obviously spoilers for IW

- I am no native English speaker so please forgive my mistakes

- I'll probably update once a week.

- Enjoy! ;)

Is this what it's like to lose a child?

Yes.

Tony thought, as he stared at the dust in his hand that had been a boy mere seconds before.

O god, what have I done?

This was all his fault. He had dragged Peter into this, he had given him the suit, and he was the only reason Thanos was now in possession of the Time Stone.

"I don't want to go!"

Tony closed his eyes and pressed a fist against his mouth. He wouldn't cry. There was no time to fall apart.

"Let's find a ship to get out of this hell."

He barely noticed Nebula talking, Peter's quiet words still rushing through his head, eyes wide in fear, clinging to Tony like a lifeline. He had done his best not to show the kid his panic when seeing him crumble, had tried to be his rock, but for that, he hated himself.

Peter had been dying and afraid while he had tried to remain controlled instead of comforting him.

"Hey, did you hear what I said? Or do you wish to stay here?"

He couldn't answer, he had a lump in his throat and his mouth was so dry as if he had been wandering through a desert for days. All he was able to do was stare at the pile of dirt. Grey and white and black...how was this all that remained?

Half of the universe was gone, half of all the billions of lives, so how was it possible that Tony still lived, but Peter was dead? If he could switch places, he would…no. He didn't have the right to wish for something like that. Not with Pepper still around, who worried for him, to whom he was engaged. Hadn't they spoken about children only hours prior? He couldn't leave her alone. But that didn't make it any easier to accept.

His dream came to Tony's mind. He had been a father. He remembered the happiness, he had felt. At that point it had only been a dream, a product of his imagination. Oh how wrong he had been.

Maybe Peter wasn't his, but he felt a strong connection to the boy, an urge to protect him and he cared.

How was he supposed to just leave him behind on this god forsaken planet? What the hell was he supposed to tell his aunt?

Oh how he dreaded that conversation. But what if she's gone as well...

"Listen, if you like this place so much then go ahead, but I'm getting out of here", Nebula spat and stalked away.

How could she just…

"Does this all mean nothing to you?", he scrambled to his feet and waited until she turned around again. "Don't you care that your friends just literally turned to dust?!", he yelled at her. All his desperation and anger was put into those words.

Nebula looked him dead in the eyes. "It was all bound to happen. We failed, this was always the consequence for failure."

And with that she disappeared between the debris.