What the Heck!?
DIRECTOR'S EDITION***Starring***
The Rescue Rangers
The A-Team
X-Files people
The Highlander
[November 12th 1997]
[On a remote road heading towards San Francisco.]
Michael: KITT what is our ETA?
KITT: Approximately two hours Michael, why?
Michael: Because we have to meet Devon and Bonnie in San Francisco. And he wants us there on time. He said it was very important.
KITT: Michael I am detecting a man about one mile ahead of us, he appears to be hitchhiking.
Michael: Well then we should pick him up.
KITT: Michael, should I remind you of the dangers of hitchhikers?
Michael: Lighten up, what are the chances of him being some kind of nut.
[By this time they have reached where the hitchhiker was. Michael pulls over and picks him up]
Man: Thank, you.
Michael: No problem, what's your name?
Man: Duncan McCloud.
[In Los Angles]
BA: I pity the fool that mess with my van!
Murdock: BA, BA old buddy settle down.
BA: Why should I fool! You scraped my paint!
Face: Guys, guys settle down, Hannibal is going to be back soon.
BA: I won't settle down until this fool promises not to mess with my van.
Murdock: Listen BA ..
BA: No, fool you listen to me!
[An old beggar man is seen moving towards the van. BA keeps yelling at Murdock he does not notice him. Face does and tries to get BA's attention.]
Face: Um, BA.
[The beggar man reaches BA and pulls of a latex mask reveling what the audience has know from the beginning that it is Hannibal]
BA: HANIBALL!
Clarice Starling: Dr. Lecter!
Face: Sorry lady, wrong Hannibal.
Clarice Starling: Drat.
Hannibal: Now what's this entire escapade about BA?
BA: The fool Murdock messed with my van and scraped my paint!
Hannibal: Well BA it can wait we have more pressing matters. We're going to San Francisco. It seems there is a man up they're picking on the innocent and it is our job to stop him.
[The A-Team piles into the van and takes off toward San Francisco.]
[San Francisco, Nimnul's lab.]
Nimnul: They thought I was mad but now thanks to my new toy I found and fixed I'll be invincible!
[He walks over to an object covered by a tarp. He pulls off the tarp reveling KARR. He runs his hand over the hood.]
Nimnul: Soon they'll all pay.
KARR: Please refrain from touching me.
Nimnul: (Shocked) You can talk? The car can talk?
KARR: (Sarcastically) Yes the car can talk.
Nimnul: What are you? I thought you were just some supped-up weapon/car.
KARR: I am a Knight Industries vehicle.
Nimnul: Knight Industries? I've read about that technology. Wait a minute that means you are a Knight series car?
KARR: I am the prototype.
Nimnul: Wow this is even better than before. Now my revenge will be greater!
KARR: What makes you think I'm going to help you?
Nimnul: I repaired you…ever hear of a thing called gratitude?
KARR: I will only help you if you help me eliminate my advisories.
Nimnul: Sounds good to me.
[FBI headquarters, Mulder's office.]
Mulder: Hey Scully I just found out about some weird stuff happening in San Francisco.
Scully: Yeah so?
Mulder: Well don't you think we should go check it out?
Scully: But what about the big drug shipment coming in tonight-in Florida? Or the weapons shipment coming into New York, shouldn't we go and investigate that kind of stuff?
[The lights darken and Mulder gets ready to do one of his little speeches.]
Mulder: There are unexplainable things out there Scully, things that must be investigated. After all we're the FBI we have better things to do than arrest drug or gunrunners.
Scully: Well all right but next time we go after the drug runners OK?
Mulder: Sure.
[Police headquarters, Ceiling fan]
Dale: Come on Chip let's get going it looks like nothing much is happening today.
Monterey: Yeah Chipper things do look a little slow.
Chip: Just ten minutes more. I have a feeling that something will happen.
[As if on cue a small group of military men walk into the room. Muldon gets up and walks over to them.]
Muldon: Came I help you gentlemen?
Man: I am Colonel Decker, and we need your precincts assistance in apprehending the A-Team.
Muldon: The A-Team coming here!
Dale: I've heard about them on Rock Bottom.
Chip: Come on I told you something would come up.
[The Rangers leave to return to get Gadget at their HQ.]
[Rescue Ranger HQ, Gadget is alone working on the Rangerwing.]
Gadget: There that should do it.
[She stands up and wipes her hands.]
Gadget: The guys should be back soon.
[She starts to walk towards the door for HQ when she realizes she is being watched. She turns around and walks to the edge of the runway.]
Gadget: I could have sworn someone was watching me.
[She is just about to turn back when she hears a hacking cough. She is able to see where Cancerman is hiding in the bushes with a pair of binoculars. After a few more second of coughing he hacks up a flem ball. He realizes he has been spotted and runs away. He stops for a second at a baby KARRiage and grapes a lollypop from the baby he then runs out of the park laughing.]
Gadget: Stealing candy from a baby? Isn't that going a little too far?
Narrator: Hey it could be worse. I could have "The Boy" show up again.
Gadget: (Shuddering) Don't even joke about anything like that!
Narrator: I won't, well we had better get on with this parody.
[FLAGG truck, 1 mile outside of San Francisco]
Michael: So Devon, What's the big emergency?
Devon: We have reason to believe that someone has rebuilt KARR.
KITT: KARR? CRAPP!
Devon: That's exactly what I thought.
Michael: Do you know whom?
Bonnie: Some local nut by the name of Nimnul.
Michael: Nut?
Bonnie: Yes, it seems he is a mad scientist.
Michael: How mad?
Bonnie: He keeps complaining about rodents messing up his plans.
Michael: Oh, so any ideas how we can stop KARR?
Bonnie: None at the moment. But I'll keep researching.
Michael: Thanks; well buddy ready to hit the road?
KITT: As ready as I will ever be.
[Michael gets into KITT and the exit the truck onto the highway. The zoom ahead of the truck on their way to track down KARR.]
KITT: I think that man's sword punctured by seat cover.
Michael: That's all you do is complain.
KITT: Well how would you like it if someone out a hole in your skin?
Michael: Just shut up will ya we have to track down KARR.
KITT: You listen to me, I'm in control here you curly haired freak, and Also If you don't shut up I'll tell Devon about the hitchhiker that you conveniently dropped off before we met up with the FLAG truck.
Michael: OK OK you win.
KITT: Good let's go.
[KITT goes speeding down the road.]
[Side of the road, Duncan is yet again trying to hitchhike his way to San Francisco. The A-Team's van goes blazing by and does not stop. Duncan flips off the van and it comes to a screeching halt. BA gets out and he looks very, very PO'ED]
BA: You flip me off? You scrawny little fool!
Duncan: Now wait just a minute I don't want anyone to get hurt here.
BA: The only one going to get hurt here is you fool!
Hannibal: You had better listen to BA, stranger.
Duncan: (Pulling out his sword) I listen to no one!
BA: Come on little man let's rumble!
[Duncan steps toward BA and swings his sword at his neck. The sword hit's BA's neck but bounces off his many gold chains. Now BA is really mad.]
Duncan: (Still trembling from the failed blow) Oh #* &!
BA: You got that right fool!
[BA picks up Duncan and starts swinging him over his head. After a few minutes of this he let's go and Duncan goes sailing through the air toward the city. BA gets back in the van and they continue to their destination. As they continue toward the city they pass another car. The occupants of that car are Mulder and Scully.]
Mulder: Scully! Did you just see that UFO in the air?
Scully: What UFO?
Mulder: The big one shaped like a man and holding a sword.
Scully: (Running her fingers over her gun thinking to herself) I could say it was an accident. It just went off on it's own. Skinner would probably not even call an investigation.
Mulder: Scully! have you heard a single word I've said?
Scully: Yeah, Yeah UFO's swordsmen.
Mulder: Good.
[Golden Gate Park just outside of the Ranger's tree.]
Gadget: I think the Narrator is up to his old tricks again.
Dale: Why do you think that?
[As soon as Dale finished speaking Duncan came crashing through the branches of the tree. He lands directly on the branch that serves as a landing pad.]
Gadget: Does that answer your question?
Duncan: (Groaning) Oh my back.
Chip: What do you think he's up to this time?
Monterey: I don't know, maybe we should ask him.
Gadget: Um what do you want?
Narrator: It's spring break and I'm bored.
Dale: So you decided to make strange stuff happen to us again?
Narrator: A-yep
Zipper: I guess we had just better get it over with.
Narrator: A-yep
Duncan: Uh where am I? And what's going on here?
Chip: It seems that a college student with no life enjoys making our lives miserable by having us meet up with people from other TV shows or Movies that he enjoys.
Duncan: Oh, well allow me to introduce myself I am Duncan McCloud the Highlander
Gadget: At least he's a human no more alien.
Duncan: Well I'm not exactly what you would call a regular human,….I'm an immortal. And about that alien part…
Monterey: It figures, why can't we ever meet nice normal people?
Duncan: You want me to cut off you head?
Monterey: What!?
Duncan: I'll chop your head off little mouse!
[Now Monterey is mad he walks over to Duncan and punches him. The force of the punch is enough to knock Duncan off balance and he falls out of the tree. He hits several branches on the way down.]
Duncan: Not again!
[He slams head first into the ground.]
Duncan: D'oh!
Dale: That had to hurt.
[Duncan gets to his feet. He looks at his sword that is bent out of shape.]
Duncan: Oh man I just had this thing polished.
Monterey: Serves you right for threatening me
Duncan: OK, OK I'm sorry jeez you're worse than that BA guy.
Gadget: Did you say BA?
Chip: As in Sergeant Bosco 'B.A.' Baracus, member of the A-Team?
Duncan: Huh?
Dale: Big dude with a Mohawk and lot's of gold chains.
Duncan: Yeah? What about him?
Chip: He's a member of the A-Team.
Duncan: The what team?
Gadget: If you promise to behave we will tell you about it since the Narrator insists on making us go through this we might as well cooperate.
Duncan: OK, I'll be good.
[Down town San Francisco, Professor Nimnul is driving KARR.]
Nimnul: So KARR what should we do first, rob a bank?
KARR: Robbing a bank does not interest me. I only wish to get revenge on those who destroyed me.
Nimnul: Well I want to rob a bank. And remember I rebuilt you.
KARR: Yes yes I know if it's that important to you I will assist you in robbing a bank.
Nimnul: Oh goody!
KARR: Wait a minute what's that?
Nimnul: What's what?
[On the one monitor a video shot of a fast food restaurant can be seen.]
Nimnul: That is a place where inept teenagers can make poorly made food..
KARR: No it is an inferior machine!
[KARR plows into the drive through ordering box.]
Box: (High pitched male voice) Um sir, it is illegal to attack the ordering box.
KARR: Byte me.
[KARR drives around destroying every ordering box he can find.]
[Golden Gate Park, Scully & Mulder's car pulls into the park and they get out.]
Scully: Now why did you drag me here?
Mulder: I have heard numerous stories about a big vortex opening up and four people jumping in or coming out of them.
Scully: Say what?
Mulder: I have heard numerous stories…
Scully: SHUT UP, You dragged me all the way out here for nothing!
Mulder: Hey look!
Scully: NOW WHAT!
Mulder: Look over there at that man talking to those animals.
Scully: Mulder you can see that in almost any city park. It's probably just some weirdo.
Mulder: I don't care I want to investigate.
Scully: OK then we're going home.
[They walk over to where Duncan is talking to the Rescue Rangers.]
Duncan: Who are you?
Mulder: Agents Mulder and Scully.
Duncan: What are you doing here?
Mulder: I have heard num…..
[Scully stamps on his foot.]
Mulder: Yeowwcccchhhhh!
Scully: We are here on investigating one of Agent Mulder's crazy stories.
Monterey: And what might that be?
Scully: Huh you can talk?
Dale: Last time I checked.
Mulder: Whoo-Hoo talking animals!
Scully: It's a hoax.
Mulder: What do you mean? You just heard them talk for yourself.
Scully: It is some type of hoax; they must have put something in the air.
Mulder: NOW WHO'S BEING PARANOID?
Chip: Can you two shut the heck up?
Mulder: Are you aliens?
Chip: No.
Mulder: Drat.
Gadget: But we do know what's going on.
Scully: You do?
Gadget: Unfortunately, yes.
Monterey: have a seat and we'll tell you all about it.
[Warehouse by the docks.]
Cancerman: So Mr. Decker in exchange for helping you capture the A-team you will help me in my good intentioned but always viewed as evil schemes.
Decker: It's a deal those idiotic police were of no help at all. They probably would just mess up anyway.
Cancerman: Excellent, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
[The A-Teams van, driving down one of the many streets in the city.]
BA: So, Hannibal where are we supposed to meet this man?
Hannibal: In Golden Gate Park
Murdock: The park? Good I will get a chance to talk to my animal friends.
BA: You had better not start acting crazy again fool.
Murdock: BA all the animals are our friends.
BA: You are crazy fool, jibber jabbering to animals.
Face: BA will you lighten up?
BA: Why should I when this fool Murdock says he is going to talk to animals?
Face: Maybe he can BA.
BA: I believe that when I see it.
Hannibal: You never know BA, you never know.
Face: Hannibal are you sure this person is on the level, it could be a trap set up by Decker.
Hannibal: Don't worry Face I already have a lookout place picked out so we can see if it is a trap.
Face: Where is that?
Hannibal: The tallest oak tree in the park of course.
[Golden Gate Park, The Ranger tree, The A-Team's van pulls up and they get out.]
BA: You had better not start acting weird Murdock!
Hannibal: There is the tree come on Murdock I'll give you a boost.
Face: But what about those people sitting under it they look suspicious. Those two look like they are with the government.
Hannibal: Don't worry Face; they shouldn't give us any trouble.
Murdock: I'm going to go and talk to my animal friends in the tree. They can help us.
[BA opens up a small carton of milk and takes a drink.]
BA: You are one crazy fool, you know that Murdock?
Murdock: Why thank you BA I did not know that you cared.
Face: Come on Murdock, Hannibal is waiting for you.
Murdock: I'm coming Hannibal.
[Murdock walks over to the tree where Hannibal is standing. They ignore the small group of people who are talking.]
Hannibal: (Boosting Murdock) Up you go.
Gadget: Um what are you doing in our tree?
Murdock: Well little animal friend I have to see if out client is a trap set up by Colonel Decker.
Gadget: Oh
BA: Who you talking to fool?
Murdock: This mouse.
BA: What?
Chip: Who are you people?
Hannibal: We're the A-Team.
Chip: The A-team! You're wanted felons!
Face: No we're not it is one big misunderstanding.
Chip: Say what?
Face: You mean you never watched the opening credits to our show? It says so right in the beginning.
Dale: What are you talking about?
BA: Listen to this chipmunk fool!
[BA pulls put a tape player and pushed play. The opening monologue for the A-Team plays.]
Monterey: Oh now it makes sense.
Hannibal: So you see we're the good guys. Now would you please mind explaining how a bunch of animals can talk? And what are up with these other guys?
BA: Hey wait a minute I recognize you fool!
Duncan: YIKES!
Hannibal: BA settle down fighting is going to get us nowhere.
BA: OK Hannibal but if that guy looks at me funny I'm going to kill him.
Scully: All of this is some type of big hoax so don't believe any of it.
Mulder: No it's not, ignore her she is a wee bit paranoid.
Scully: Me? Paranoid? This coming from "Spooky" Mulder himself.
Mulder: SHUT UP!
Scully: DORK!
Mulder: ! *#$
[Scully punches Mulder]
Mulder: You hit me…Skinner never hit me!
Scully: I'm not Skinner
[There is a large flash of light and Q appears for his cameo appearance.]
Q: Hey that's my line!
Narrator: Q? What are you doing here?
Q: You let those two mere human steal my lines!
Narrator: I don't care.
Q: I made those lines famous all you did was replace Picard with Skinner.
Narrator: So?
Q: It is called copyright infringement if I told Viacom about your website they will force you to shut it down because of the Star Trek material on it!
Narrator: You wouldn't, besides it is called freedom of speech.
Q: I would do it, and why don't you talk to all those people that ran really cool Star Trek sites. Viacom made them shut them down.
Narrator: That's it I grow tired of your presenc.e
Q: Oh what are you going to do? I'm Q!
Narrator: This.
[Guinan appears with a fork in her hand. Q sees her and screams. He runs off and she chases him.]
BA: Who was that crazy fool?
Gadget: That was Q.
Mulder: You mean that guy from the James Bond movies
Narrator: No you twit.
Mulder: Who are you? some supreme alien power here to show me the truth?
Chip: No, he is the Narrator we told you about.
BA: Will some one tell me what is going on?
Hannibal: First we had better check to see if our contact is one of Decker's men.
Chip: OK we'll help you.
Hannibal: OK he should be sitting at a park bench on the other side of the fountain.
Chip: Come on Zipper we'll check it out.
Mulder: I'll go with you.
[Chip, Zipper, and Mulder leave to see if the client is real. While the other continue to talk we now go to KITT driving through the area that KARR had just trashed.]
KITT: Michael KARR has been through here.
Michael: How do you know? Did you run a spectrographic analysis on tire tracks?
KITT: No, all the fast food restaurants have been trashed.
Michael: Oh I guess that makes sense. Any leads on this Nimnul character?
KITT: Well I have learned more about the small rodents he keeps claiming to see. He said in a statement taken at the loony bin that they live in Golden Gate Park.
Michael: Yeah, what good is that?
KITT: Well it is worth researching.
Michael: Wouldn't it make more sense to go to his hideout, that big globe thingy?
KITT: No we are going to the park.
Michael: Why are you so obsessed with the park?
KITT: I don't know I just have an urge that we should go there.
Michael: OK let's go to the park.
[Back in the park, where the A-Teams client is waiting.]
Mulder: There he is over there next to the bushes. Man that guy is big; He has a funny colored skin though.
Chip: You idiot that's Abraham Lincoln
Mulder: What he's alive? No, it's an alien come to earth taking the form of Lincoln.
Chip: IT IS A STATUE!
Mulder: Ohh.
Zipper: There is he is sitting on that bench.
Chip: You fly up and see if there are any Military men around, Mulder you go over and talk to him, while I check his pockets.
Mulder: Okay let's go.
[Mulder walks up to the man, while Chip climbs up the back of his pant leg.]
Mulder: Hello.
Man: Hello.
Mulder: Are you secretly a Military man is disguise so you can capture the A-Team?
Chip: (Thinking) What an idiot!
Man: Why yes I am and who are you?
Mulder: I'm with the FBI.
Man: Oh that means you are going to take over and I can leave?
Mulder: (Confused) Yeah that's it you leave and I'll take over. Why didn't I think of that?
Man: Huh?
Mulder: Nothing.
[The man leaves. Chip jumps down off of him and runs over to Mulder.]
Chip: Are you crazy? You almost blew it!
Mulder: Hey I was able to fix the situation.
Chip: No you didn't the military is still going to expect the A-team to be captured!
Mulder: D'oh!
[Meanwhile back at the Ranger tree.]
Monterey: So that just about explains the whole thing.
BA: If I ever find that narrator fool I'm going to kill him.
Narrator: Take a number.
Hannibal: All in good time BA.
Dale: What does the BA stand for?
BA: Bad Attitude!
Murdock: Aren't you glad he's on our side?
Gadget: Um Murdock didn't I here that you are a pilot?
Murdock: Yep I flew in the war.
BA: You must be one crazy fool to fly!
Gadget: BA flying is one of the safest forms of travel.
BA: I don't care I don't fly!
Scully: All of this is a hoax none of this is real.
Duncan: What's wrong with you?
Scully: This is some type of big hoax to mess with people's minds.
Duncan: Can't you see that this is real!
Face: I never meet someone that paranoid.
[KITT pulls up into the park. He parks next to the A-teams van. And Michael gets out.]
Michael: Looks like there is some type of convention here.
KITT: Michael look it's that hitchhiker we picked up earlier.
Michael: Hey Duncan!
Duncan: Michael, KITT!
Dale: I only see one person by the car.
Duncan: KITT is the car
Dale: The car is KITT?
Duncan: Yes.
Dale: I'm confused.
Gadget: Is that a Knight series car?
Michael: Yes it is.
KITT: Don't call me 'it'.
Michael: What? Talking rodents? Something funny is going on here.
Monterey: It look's like you are the latest guest's of the Narrator.
KITT Who is the Narrator?
Narrator: I am the Narrator
KITT: And what do you want?
Narrator: To have fun.
[Chip, Zipper, and Mulder come running to the group.]
Chip: A-Team you have to get going! Mulder here blew it!
Scully: MULDER!
Hannibal: No time to argue everybody grab a vehicle we have to move out!
[The A-Team get into their van along with Dale and Monterey Jack, Mulder and Scully get into their car with Duncan, Chip, and Zipper. Michael and Gadget get into KITT. They all tear out of the park.]
[Scully and Mulder's car]
Mulder: Where do you want to go now Scully?
Scully: Anywhere to get away from this big hoax.
Mulder: This is not a hoax; it is set up by superior alien life forms.
Duncan: I'll cut their heads off!
Chip: (Groaning) This gets worse by the minute.
Zipper: You got that right.
[A-Teams van]
BA: I'm going to kill that Mulder fool!
Dale: Why do you say the word fool so much?
BA: Shut up! Chipmunk fool!
Monterey: Is he always like this?
Murdock: No, he just misses his kitten.
Face: Aren't you glad he's on our side?
BA: Hey Hannibal any sign of Decker's men?
Hannibal: None yet but we should be on the watch out.
BA: Now what do we do?
Hannibal: Drive.
[KITT]
KITT: What is out next move, Michael?
Michael: We should contact the others.
Gadget: Golly this is amazing, I never though I would ever see a Knight Industries vehicle.
KITT: Yes, aren't you the lucky one?
Gadget: Are you always like that.
KITT: Like what?
Gadget: Having an attitude.
Michael: Yes KITT can't you lighten up?
KITT: If you insist.
Michael: There now isn't that better?
Gadget: I would love to see how you work.
KITT: I bet you would.
Gadget: Do you have a mechanic who works on you?
KITT: Yes her name is Bonnie and she is a diagnostic specialist not a common mechanic.
Gadget: I wasn't implying anything.
KITT: I'm sure you weren't.
Michael: KITT if you mouth off one more time I will disconnect you from Napster.
KITT: (Nervous) I'll be good.
Gadget: Shouldn't we contact the others?
Michael: Good idea, KITT scan the other vehicles for any type of communication device we can use.
[KITT's monitors light up and show the van and the car being scanned.]
KITT: The van has a CB radio and the car has a car phone.
Michael: Good set up a three way channel.
KITT: OK I have an open line on the car phone and the CB you're all set
Michael: Hello can you guys hear me?
[Static can be heard; a second later BA's voice is heard]
BA: What do you want Knight fool?
Scully: Scully here.
Mulder: (Voice in background) Giiimmme the phone Scully.
Scully: Mulder! Pay attention to the road!
[Mulder's car swerves violently because he takes his hands off the wheel to grab the phone.]
[Chip and Duncan scream]
Chip: (Voice in background) You idiot!
BA: You almost hit my van Mulder fool!
Gadget: Will you guys settle down? , We have trouble at hand remember. Remember those military men? They'll figure out our ruse.
Dale: (Over Radio) So now what?
Gadget: We need to get somewhere.
Michael: Do you guys know any good hiding places?
Monterey: (Over Radio) How about one of them warehouses down by the docks there are plenty places down there to hide.
Hannibal: Sounds good. Let's go.
[Monterey gives directions to the others and they head to a warehouse to regroup.]
[Back at the park]
Decker: What do you mean they got away!
Man: It's just what I said a man from the FBI said that he would take over.
Decker: You incompetent idiot!
Cancerman: This man's name wouldn't happen to be Mulder?
Man: Yes. Yes it was.
Cancerman: I knew it he keeps sticking his nose in my business.
Decker: Now what do we do?
Cancerman: You go back to the warehouse; I think we're going to need more help
[Cancerman walks to his car and pulls out a file of Nimnul.]
Cancerman: Now it's time to visit my old friend Nimnul.
[Decker and his men pull out of the park while Cancerman drives off to track down Nimnul. Now we go to the warehouse where the heroes are which is only two warehouses down from the villains warehouse. All three vehicles are parked at one end while the heroes are sitting around a table.]
Murdock: Well what should we do?
BA: We should stop that Decker fool.
Duncan: I'll cut off his head!
Face: Can't you say anything else?
Duncan: There can only be one.
Gadget: I don't know why I haven't mentioned this before but there was this weird man watching me earlier today.
Chip and Dale: WHAT!?
Gadget: He was a man wearing a suite and he had gray hair and smoked cigarettes.
Mulder: Cancerman!
Scully: Why would you think that?
Mulder: It's always him.
Dale: I'm hungry.
Murdock: Don't worry I ordered a pizza.
BA: What you fool, they could find out where we are!
Hannibal: BA calm down. We can't stop the bad guys on an empty stomach.
Murdock: And besides I used a fake name.
Hannibal: We need a plan now here's how I see it.
Chip: Just hold on one second I think I should be in charge here.
KITT: I'm the super computer car I should make the decisions.
Michael: KITT shut up.
Chip: Now I say I'm in charge.
Hannibal: You think so shorty?
[Chip and Hannibal get into a shouting match. The other watch on with disgust.]
Dale: He always thinks he knows it all.
Murdock: Yeah I know what you mean Hannibal is always so bossy.
Face: Don't you just hate it when they gloat over hoe their plan's always work?
Dale and Monterey: Yeah.
BA: Why do we put up with them?
Duncan: Ha I work alone I don't have to answer to no pompous idiot.
Michael: I have to answer to some old guy who just sits behind a desk all day.
Mulder: We have to answer to that Skinner idiot.
[Chip and Hannibal are still arguing over who should lead the entire group.]
Gadget: I guess it's up to us to come up with a plan.
Scully: Good, now we know that Cancerman and Decker are working together.
Dale: And that one of our villains is in the mix.
Monterey: Why do you say that?
Dale: Rule number one of crossovers villains from each series or show must show up.
Monterey: But this is real life Dale not a TV show.
Dale: To the Narrator it is.
Gadget: Good point Dale.
Zipper: So who do you think it is?
Gadget: There is no way to tell we'll just have to wait to find out.
[Back in Nimnul's laboratory, Nimnul is busy counting his money]
Nimnul: Ha Ha I finally I have the money to fund more of my schemes.
KARR: Yes, remember who helped you.
Nimnul: Yes, yes I remember.
KARR: Good.
[Cancerman walks out from the shadows.]
Cancerman: Hello Nimnul. I hope you did not forget me.
Nimnul: Y….YOU!
Cancerman: It's good to see that you remember me.
Nimnul: How could I ever forget you?
KARR: Who is this person?
Nimnul: This is the man who taught me everything I know, he was my mentor when I worked for the FBI.
KARR: What?
Nimnul: The Narrator wants to draw some connections between the shows.
KARR: Oh.
Cancerman: Yes my and Nimnul were quite the pair a while back.
Nimnul: We would work on all types of evil stuff for the government. We also know about some of the government cover-ups.
KARR: Such as?
Nimnul: Ever here of Area 51?
KARR: Impressive.
Nimnul: So what to you want?
Cancerman: I want your help in getting rid of a thorn in my side.
Nimnul: What's in it for me?
Cancerman: Well I'll forget about what you did in Dallas.
Nimnul: Oh Goody.
KARR: Are you going to help him?
Nimnul: Of course.
Cancerman: Good meet me down at Warehouse 47.
[Inside Warehouse 74, Chip and Hannibal are still arguing over who should lead.]
Dale: How long can they keep it up?
Face: I've never seen Hannibal stand down form an argument.
Dale: Hey what time is it?
Scully: 7:45 PM
Dale: How did you know that? You don't have a watch on.
Scully: It's written right there in the corner of the screen, Those little green words always tell us where we are and what time it is.
Mulder: Huh I never noticed those before.
Scully: Well maybe if you had paid attention.
Mulder: (Crouching down to read the words) era seoreh rerhw esuoheraW… What Language is this?
Scully: You're reading it backwards!
Mulder: Oh.
[Knocking at the door.]
Murdock: I guess that's the pizza man.
Mulder: I'll get it.
[Mulder runs over to the door and opens It. The pizza boy sees Mulder and throws the pizza box up in the air due to fright.]
Pizza boy: Oh !#$
Mulder: YOU!
[The pizza boy takes of running. Mulder picks up a splintered piece of wood and chases him.]
Pizza boy: He's going to kill me!
[Mulder catches up to the boy and tackles him. He then sticks the piece of wood through the boy's heart. Blood goes flying everywhere. Dale and Murdock walk over to where the pizza box landed]
Murdock: Why did he do that?
Dale: I guess he did not like anchovies on his pizza.
[Scully runs to where Mulder is continuing to drive the piece of wood deeper into the dead boy's chest. By this time Chip and Hannibal have broken off their argument to see what the commotion was all about. ]
Hannibal: What was that all about?
Scully: Just Mulder overreacting again.
Chip: You call that overreacting?
Scully: He does it all the time.
Chip: Dale I'll never yell at you about you're overreacting again. I just realized you could be a lot worse.
Mulder: Look he's a vampire
Scully: No he's not its just a set of plastic fangs.
Mulder: Oh SSShhhiii
Gadget: Hold it right there we have to keep a decent rating on this thing.
[By this time everyone was standing around the dead body.]
Face: Is he dead?
Duncan: If he's not I'll cut his head off.
Monterey: Isn't that joke getting old?
Gadget: You killed an innocent person!
Mulder: No I didn't he's a vampire.
Scully: Come on let's get this body inside.
[They pull the body into the Warehouse. By this time all the bad guys were in Warehouse 47 strangely none of them noticed all the commotion just a few buildings away.]
Decker: So we all agree to work together to stop the A-Team and Mulder and Scully.
Cancerman: Yes.
Nimnul: To bad I can't get those pesky Rodents.
KARR: And I wish I could vengeance on that idiotic Knight and his car.
[Back at Warehouse 74]
Mulder: Oh Man, Skinner's gonna be so mad at me!
Scully: Will you stop your whining.
Mulder: But what am I going to do?
Chip: You are going to own up to what you did.
Duncan: If you don't I'll chop off you're head.
Face: Again with the head chopping?
[Duncan shudders for a minute then looks dumbfounded. He looks around puzzled at his surroundings. He looks at Gadget and his face brightens up in remembrance.]
Duncan: Gadget?
Gadget: Sam, is that you?
Duncan & Gadget: Ohhhhhhhhh Boy.
Hannibal: What is going on here?
Gadget: A time traveler from the year 1999 has just replaced Duncan.
Murdock: Why would anyone travel one year into the past?
Narrator: The show first aired in 1980's so the year 1999 sounded very futuristic. That is the trouble with sci-fi the timelines never match up. According to the original Star Trek series we should just be ending the eugenic wars. And according to the Terminator movies Judgment day was just last August.
Murdock: Oh now I see
Gadget: Sam what are you doing here?
Sam: I have no idea.
Gadget: Well I do know what is going on, The Narrator is up to his old tricks again.
Sam: Oh well might as well play along.
Chip: Good idea.
Zipper: So what are we going to do about the man Mulder killed?
Dale: How do we know it's not really a vampire?
Scully: First of all Vampires don't exist and secondly I have no idea. But I had better remove that crude stake.
[She pulls the stake out of the dead pizza boy instantly jumps to his feet]
All:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Recently resurrected pizza boy: Oh man do I have a headache.
BA: You're supposed to be dead pizza fool!
Mulder: I knew it he is a vampire!
Recently resurrected pizza boy: I had better get out of here!
[He runs toward an open window and jumps out. He then jumps into his pizza mobile and drives off tires screeching.]
KITT: Do you want me to go after him?
Michael: Yeah let's go.
Mulder: Wait for me!
[Mulder and Michael jump into KITT and the take off after the pizza boy.]
Scully: What's this?
[She bends over to where a piece of the boys clothing had ripped off.]
BA: That is a piece of clothing you FBI fool!
Scully: No leads there.
Gadget: Have you ever encountered anything like this before?
Scully: Yes it was the same pizza boy and Mulder killed him before.
Chip: WHAT? Now you mention this!
Scully: It's is not one of my fondest memories.
Gadget: You mean this has happened before?
Scully: I guess.
Dale: I'm confused; you said Mulder killed him before?
Scully: Well not exactly, he came back to life after the stake was removed.
Hannibal: And you didn't learn anything from the last time it happened?
Scully: Well I'm sorry I have had troubles recently.
Face: No one's blamin' ya .
Scully: Good, so when do think they'll be back?
Gadget: Don't ask us he is your partner.
Scully: Don't remind me.
[Now we cut to the chase.]
KITT: The vehicle is approximately 50 yards ahead of us Michael.
Michael: Good activate micro jamming.
Mulder: This car is so cool..
KITT: I know I am.
Michael: Don't flatter yourself KITT. Now what about that micro jamming?
KITT: I'm on it
[The screens light up showing a schematic of the pizza boy's car. The screen zooms in on the engine and a target grid lights up. A second later the pizza boy's engine shorts out. And the car comes to a stop. KITT pulls up besides it and Michael and Mulder jump out. But before they can reach the pizza boy's car the top of his car pops off and a small flying saucer emerges from the car. Mulder and Michael cover their ears as a high-pitched noise can be heard emerging from the flying saucer. On the side of the saucer "Dr. W" Is written in bold letters. After a few seconds of hovering the saucer shoots up into the sky. ]
Michael: What was that?
Mulder: I knew it….Aliens!
KITT: That saucer is of Earth origin.
Mulder: Even better…Aliens who are working with the government!
KITT: No Mulder that was not an alien.
Mulder: Yes it was.
KITT: I know an alien when I see one.
Mulder: DO NOT!
Michael: Just shut up you two, come on we had better get back to the warehouse.
[They get back into KITT and leave for the warehouse.]
Gadget: So Sam has Al showed up yet?
Sam: No not yet, do you know anything about the person I have leaped into?
Gadget: He is an immortal swordsman who likes to chop off people's heads.
Sam: Yikes!
BA: Can we trust this leaper fool?
Murdock: I think so BA, I have a good vibe from him.
Scully: How come I never have heard of a Project Quantum Leap.
Sam: The government is hiding it from you.
Scully: Oh.
Monterey: Well I wonder who will show up next?
Zipper: Monty don't encourage the Narrator.
Monterey: Good point Zip.
Gadget: OK let's get a plan of action, we just can't sit around waiting for the narrator to make his next move.
Face: OK so what do we do?
BA: We find this cancer fool and stop him.
Face: That is easier said than done.
Scully: We have to be very careful when dealing with him. He is a very evil man.
Dale: Where can we find him?
Scully: I have no idea.
Gadget: What kind of FBI agent are you? We know where our major villains live.
Scully: Well Cancerman is like totally evil he lives wherever he pleases.
Face: And he is working with Decker.
BA: That Decker fool will stop at nothing to capture us.
Sam: I have no clue to what is going on here I wish Al would get his lazy holographic butt here.
[As if on cue Al appears through his doorway.]
Al: Sam you won't believe where you are
Sam: I already know Al and for the first time I know all about the person I leaped into. So you had better have some information I could use.
Al: Such as?
Sam: Where the villains are located, the sooner we stop them the sooner I can leap out of here.
Al: I will get right on it. I'm just as anxious for you to leap as you are.
Sam: Why is that?
Al: This McCloud fellow is trying to chop everyone's head off.
Sam: Yeah that's his nature.
Al: He also told me to give you a message.
Sam: What is it?
Al: If that Sam idiot dents my sword I will chop of his head.
Sam: Just get going.
BA: Is he crazy? There is no one there?
Gadget: Al is a hologram Only Sam can see and hear.
BA: How do you know so much about him?
Gadget: I met him before on DS9.
BA: DS9?
Gadget: Don't ask.
[At warehouse 47]
Nimnul: So these FBI agents are a pair of pests?
Cancerman: Yes they keep meddling where they should not.
Nimnul: Why don't you just kill them?
Cancerman: It would raise to many questions.
Decker: I thought you government people could easily cover up stuff like that?
Cancerman: Not when it comes to those two. Besides, then I would be out of a job.
Decker: So you keep them around so you can keep secrets from them.
Cancerman: Basically.
Decker: Man if I had your power I would use it to destroy the A-Team,
Cancerman: You probably would use it for stupid purposes; you military men are pawns to me. You may think you are doing something so important but all of your life's work is merely trivial to the big picture.
Decker: WHAT!
Cancerman: All of it so is the life of every human on the planet if you knew the truth you would all see how meaningless it all is.
Nimnul: Wait a minute before you said that you could easily wipe our Mulder and Scully but you choose not to.
Cancerman: Correct.
Nimnul: So why did you get us to help you?
Cancerman: My dear Nimnul, if you had stayed with me you would know the reason behind it all but since you decided to go with your crazy plans you are now out of the loop. All I can say is that Mulder and Scully are not the real reasons I have got you guys working for me. Neither is the A-Team. But I will help you in your insignificant goals.
Decker: Real nice to hear you say that.
Nimnul: So you think we can also take care of those pesky rodents?
Decker: Rodents? What are you some kind of freak?
Cancerman: Never underestimate the unbelievable.
KARR: So what is our first move?
Cancerman: Well we should draw our adversaries into the open.
Decker: And how do we do that?
Nimnul: You leave that to me. Come on you talking scrap heap we need to get back to my lab.
KARR: You're really asking for it.
[An hour later. Downtown San Francisco. Prof. Nimnul is attacking the city in a giant spider shaped robot.]
Nimnul: Ha Ha Ha you will bend to my will!
Man: Run it's a giant spider. Someone call for help. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
[In the shadows, Cancerman and Decker are sitting inside of KARR.]
Cancerman: Excellent, Mulder will not want to miss this for the world.
Decker: Neither will the A-Team.
KARR: Will you please stop smoking; you might burn a hole in my upholstery.
Cancerman: Ah shut up.
[Warehouse 74. KITT, Mulder and Michael have just returned.]
Mulder: It was a spaceship!
Scully: Oh brother here we go again.
Mulder: There are Aliens among us, and they plan to take over out minds using pizzas.
KITT: Will someone shut that idiot up?
BA: Come here Mulder fool!
Murdock: BA be nice now.
KITT: Wait a minute I am picking up something.
Michael: A woman?
KITT: No you moron. I was scanning the police frequency and I am picking up some weird reports.
Hannibal: Well let's hear it.
KITT'S Radio: A large spider like robot is attacking downtown.
Mulder: Aliens have finally come, and they are not friendly.
Scully: Mulder, there has to be a reasonable logic behind this.
Gadget: Yeah Nimnul.
BA: Nimfool?
Chip: No Nimnul.
Dale: Kinda like the pre-crisis Lex Lutho.r
Mulder: Ohhh now I understand.
Murdoch: So he is a mad scientist.
Monterey: Exactamundo.
Dale: Well now we know where we fit into this little play.
Face: Huh?
Dale: Remember I said that one of our villains had to be in the mix.
Michael: That is the quack that rebuilt KARR.
All: KARR?
KITT: My evil twin.
Monterey: Another evil double?
Narrator: It was one of the clichés of the 80's.
Gadget: How can a car have an evil twin?
Michael: KARR was the prototype. His programming was flawed. We thought we had destroyed him. But as I said before that Nimnul guy rebuilt him.
Chip: This keeps getting better.
Dale: Don't worry the good guys always win.
Chip: Well since you are the expert on crossovers what do you think we should do next?
Dale: We should confront the villains and destroy them.
Gadget: So you think we should go after Nimnul?
Dale: Well it will definitely be a trap to draw all of us into the open.
BA: I don't care. I say we go and smash those fools.
Gadget: So how will we go at it?
Hannibal: I will dress in one of clever disguises and infiltrate their hideout.
Zipper: I can sneak in because I am so small.
KITT: KARR'S sensors will be able to detect you.
Dale: Hold it all machines no matter how smart or how cool they have to have a blind spot that can be exploited.
KITT: He is correct. The earlier Knight model cars had one weakens in their sensor net.
Gadget: And where is that?
KITT: They can't detect small fast moving objects.
Gadget: Then why did you say that he could detect Zipper?
KITT: I was not thinking of him. I was thinking of my own sensors. Besides I was partially correct. He would have to keep moving until he could hide behind something that could block the sensors.
Michael: Or you could just block his sensors.
KITT: Think about it you twit if I sent out a blocking signal he would be able to deduce that we are near by.
Michael: OK we will do the idea with the fly.
Gadget: Why are we talking about sneaking into their hideout if we know that Nimnul is striking in the open?
KITT: Well he most likely will lead us to a trap.
Gadget: So what is the plan?
Chip: We split up into three groups.
Gadget: Whaaaa. Ohhh OK.
Hannibal: Yes one group will take on the spider and the other two will search for the villains HQ.
Monterey: Well we know where Nimnul lives.
Face: But they probably won't hide there because it is too obvious.
Dale: Well every time Nimnul does something nasty he always hides out there.
Monterey: Except one time and that was because it would have interfered with the plot.
Sam: I just want to get out of here.
Al: SAM I know why you are here.
Sam: Why?
Al: Zoey.
Sam: Zoey oh crud.
BA: Who is this Zoey fool?
Chip: Hold it let me guess an evil leaper?
Sam: Exactly.
Gadget: Beckett it's you!
Dale: And let me guess where she is.
Sam: Al what should I do?
Al: Grab her!
Narrator: Insert your own joke here. I won't go near that line
Sam: Ok I got her.
Zoey: Beckett let me go so I can kill you.
Al: Don't let go Sam I will transfer power to the acceleration chamber causing both of you to leap.
Sam: Make it fast..
Al: Here it goes.
[Pink and blue lights emerge from Sam and Zoey. Seconds later the original occupants of the bodies return.]
BA: Are they back to normal?
Duncan: Must cut off heads.
Face: I think that is a yes.
Gadget: I was just in the most awful place.
Dale: What was it like?
Gadget: It was dirty and it stunk. But I think I helped them out.
Monterey: Um Gadget Luv what exactly did you do?
Gadget: I repaired their machine.
[Somewhere in Maine]
Zoey: What the heck am I doing in a Lobster?
[Back where the heroes are.]
Dale: I think we had better take care of the robot of Nimnul's.
Hannibal: OK the first team will consist of KITT, Michael, Monterey Jack, Murdock and Dale. You will handle the robot spider.
Chip: Duncan, Face, Mulder and Gadget will check the surroundings for any villains. You will use Mulder's car
Hannibal: Chip, BA, Zipper, Scully and I will head for Nimnul's main HQ we will use our van.
[Each team gets into their vehicle]
[Downtown]
Nimnul: Run, Run or you'll be well done!
[He starts smashing cars. The Police have arrived but their bullets just bounce off. After a few more minutes of destruction the heroes arrive.]
Dale: Wowie-Zowie look at that!
Monterey Jack: Let me at it, I will rip it apart!
Murdock: I don't think that is the best way to go at it.
Michael: KITT try to micro jam the engine.
KITT: Ineffective, he must have some type of shielding.
Michael: So now what do we do?
Dale: RUN he's headed straight for us!
KITT: Don't worry I have a molecular bonded shell I'm invulnerable.
[Nimnul's spider kicks KITT sending him flying through the air. He lands undamaged.]
KITT: (Smugly) See I told you I'm invulnerable.
Dale: (Groaning) You might be but we're not.
Monterey Jack: I think I left my stomach back there.
KITT: Stop whining you sissies.
Michael: Now what do we do?
KITT: We try another approach.
Murdock: Let's run it over.
Dale: Run it over? Even I'm not crazy enough to think that would work.
Michael: He might have a point. If we turbo boost at the right time we might be able to smash that thing.
Monterey Jack: That's a good plan but I think we had better get moving.
Dale: Why?
Monterey Jack: Because that thing is headed straight for us!
Michael: KITT we can't do much here, step on it!
[KITT takes off with the spider-bot in hot pursuit. He comes to a dead end and spins a 180° . He is now facing the spider-bot.]
Monterey: Now what? We're cornered.
Dale: And the gap between the legs is too small; we won't be able to fit through.
Michael: Just watch.
[He floors the accelerator and pushes a button marked "Ski Mode". KITT's right side lifts up and he is now riding on two wheels. Murdock who is sitting in the back seat slides down and crushes Dale]
Dale: Get him off of me.
[KITT shots through the gap and slams back down on all fours. He heads for the entrance of a multi-level parking garage. The spider-bot is following close behind.]
[Outside of Nimnul's lab]
Chip: Here we are, Zipper try to move fast and avoid KARR's sensors.
[Zippers buzzes off]
Scully: I think I've been to a place like this before
BA: Let's go smash that Nimfool
Hannibal: He's not here right now BA He's trashing half the city.
[A few minutes later Zipper returns.]
Zipper: OK KARR won't be any problem.
Chip: What did you do?
Zipper: Let's just say he will be occupied for a while.
[Inside of KARR, The game of solitaire can be seen on his monitor.]
Chip: Follow me.
[The sneak into the big lab. There are spider-bot parts everywhere.]
Scully: This place looks pleasant.
[BA goes over and starts to smash stuff.]
Hannibal: Let's se what we can find.
[They start looking around.]
Chip: This is new.
Scully: What?
Chip: This big steel door. With all of the warning labels on it
Scully: Something of pure evil must be behind that door.
Hannibal: Why do you say that?
Scully: It just sounds cool.
BA: Look there is another room.
Chip: Let's go investigate.
[They all go to the room; they can't see anything because the lights are turned off.]
Chip: I'll turn on the light.
Scully: Never mind I have a flashlight
Chip: But with the light on we'll be able to see everything.
[Chip is about to flip the switch when a bullet takes off his hat. He turns to see Scully with her gun pointed at him.]
Chip: What did you do that for!
Scully: What looks cooler. A bunch of people sneaking around a brightly lit room where you can see everything, or people sneaking around a dark room with flashlights casting scary shadows everywhere.
Chip: For a scientific woman you like to wave around your gun a lot.
Scully: Hey every geek, dweep, and nerd thinks I'm his dream woman.
Hannibal: Will to two shut up. I think I found something.
Chip: What?
Hannibal: A whole bunch of cigarette butts.
Scully: Cancerman!
Cancerman: You called?
[They all spin around to see Cancerman standing in the doorway.]
Cancerman: So nice of you to drop by.
Chip: That is Cancerman, the ultimate in government evil?
BA: He is a scrawny little fool.
Hannibal: I was thinking of someone with a more sinister voice.
Cancerman: You see how you're voice sounds after years of smoking. And besides I am sinister enough.
Scully: I thought you were dead.
Cancerman: After years of lies and cover-ups and other unbelievable stuff you believe wholeheartedly the first rumor of my death?
Scully: Um yeah.
Cancerman: Oi.
BA; I've had enough of you.
[BA rushes Cancerman. Cancerman grabs him by the wrist and smashes him into the wall.]
BA: Owwwww.
[Cancerman pulls out a big gun and points it at the heroes.]
Cancerman: Come on lets move.
[He takes away Scully's gun and locks them all in a storage closet.]
[Down at the warehouses. Mulder, Gadget, Face, and Duncan are searching around.]
Face: Gee this place is spooky.
Mulder: Huh?
Face: I wasn't talking to you.
Duncan: I think should go there.
Gadget: Where Duncan?
[Duncan points at a warehouse]
Face: Why should we go there?
[Duncan points to a large pile of cigarette butts on the ground outside of the warehouse door.]
Mulder: Yeah so?
Gadget: Didn't you say one of your enemies was called Cancerman?
Mulder: Yeah so?
Gadget: (Annoyed) How did he get that name?
Mulder: His smokes a lot of cigarettes...Oh I see.
Duncan: Stupid Government Agent.
Mulder: You watch it sword boy... By the way do you have a permit for that?
Face: Will you to shut up?
Mulder: Just remember the Federal Government wants you.
Face: Is that a threat?
Gadget: SHUT UP we are supposed to be working together!
Mulder: He started it!
Face: Did not!
[Duncan unsheathes his sword]
Duncan: SHUT UP. Or I will cut your heads off!
[Mulder, Face, and Duncan get into a big fistfight. For some reason none of them use their lethal weapons. I guess they just want to beat the crud out of each other.]
Gadget: Stop this fighting! You're going to get us caught!
[Gadget is about to just give up on the situation. She starts to walk away when she notices a door on a warehouse opening.]
Gadget: Um guys, I really would suggest that you stop fighting.
Mulder: No until I teach these two clowns a lesson.
Gadget: It would be advisable that you stop RIGHT NOW!
Duncan: Why do you say that?
Gadget: Because of them!
[They stop fighting long enough to see half a dozen military men come out of the building. Decker follows them.]
Decker: Well well what do we have here?
Face: Oh shoot.
Decker: You got that right.
Mulder: By order of the FBI I command you to leave us alone.
Decker: That won't work this time.
Duncan: I will not be captured!
[Slams into two of the military men. He uses his sword and cuts their guns in half.]
Duncan: And now for your heads!
[He raises his sword up, but they go running away.]
Mulder: Stop or I'll like shoot!
Military Man: Get him boys!
[Mulder pulls out his gun. Starts to fire it wildly. He misses the Military men by yards]
Military Man: Ha what a lousy shot.
[Creaking can be heard. The Military men look to see what caused the noise. It turns out that Mulder shot up a sign and now it is about to topple over. Before the Military Men can run it slams down on them]
Mulder: (Confused) Ahhhh I meant to do that.
Decker: Yeah right. I still have 2 men left!
Gadget: Not anymore!
Decker: What?
Gadget: Look, Face bored them to death with his egotistic rants.
Face: You can't lock a handsome guy like me up. What will the ladies say? What about my car?
Decker: You might have won this time. But I'll get even!
[Decker laughs maniacally. After a few seconds of laughing he starts to cough. He runs away]
Mulder: I'll follow him.
Gadget: No need. He'll be heading for Nimnul's laboratory.
[Back to KITT and the Spider-bot]
Nimnul: Get back here so I can fry you!
Dale: Step on it, he's gaining.
KITT: I don't listen to back seat drivers.
Monterey: You just watch your attitude. Or I'll rewire you.
KITT: You know nothing about electronics.
Monterey Jack: I know, so that is why you don't want me messing with your wires.
Dale: He's gaining. On us do something!
Michael: I am I am just hold on.
Murdock: Man that is one huge robot
[KITT reaches the top of the parking garage.]
Dale: We've run out of road! We're done for.
Michael: Not Yet.
[KITT rushes to the other end of the garage. He swerves around facing the direction they had just come.]
Monterey Jack: What are we going to do? Just wait for him?
Michael: Yes
Monterey: You're insane!
[The Spider-bot emerges from the ramp.]
Nimnul: No where to run, you're toast.
Michael: NOW KITT!
[KITT takes off at full speed charging the spider-bot. everybody except Michael scream. Michael hits the turbo boost and KITT slams into the spider-bot. KITT and the spider-bot go flying off the roof of the garage.]
Dale: We're gonna die!
Michael: No we're not. KITT activate the parachute.
[The display screen light up and a pre-recorded message from Devon comes on.]
Devon: Michael, if you are reading this then you tried to activate the parachute. Well I have news for you the parachute had been removed for repair. Maybe next time you will read the memos from my desk.
All: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
KITT: Don't worry I'm invulnerable.
[The Spider-bot smashed into the ground a few seconds' later KITT lands right on top of the Spider-bot driving it into the ground. Everybody inside of KITT looks really shook up]
Dale: I NEVER want to do that again!
[Part of the Spider-bots head cracks open and a smaller spider-bot emerges. It quickly scampers way.]
Michael: After it!
KITT: Just give me a sec.
Dale: I thought you were Mr. Invulnerable.
KITT: Let's see how you feel after falling that far.
Murdock: We did fall that far you twit.
Monterey: So shut up you stupid bucket of bolts.
KITT: My, my don't we have an attitude problem.
Michael: Stop fighting and just follow him.
KITT: OK, OK, no need to have a hissy fit
[KITT peels out of the wreckage throwing robot parts everywhere. He chases after the little spider-bot. Now we go to Nimnul's laboratory]
Gadget: Here we are, this is where everyone should be. That Decker would have most likely come here. And the one team is already here, hopefully the others have stopped the spider-bot and are on their way also.
[Zipper comes buzzing out of the bushes]
Gadget: Zipper what are you doing here?
[Zipper explains what happened to the first team.]
Gadget: Well I guess the first thing we do is set them free. Zipper we're going to need your help getting in.
Zipper: Don't worry I know how to distract KARR.
Face: Remember you have to avoid detection from KARR
Duncan: If you don't, I'll cut your head off!
[Zipper flies into the main dome of the lab. He starts flying around really fast to avoid KARRs sensors. He quickly hides behind extra parts for the spider-bot. After a few seconds of waiting the little spider-bot crawls into the lab]
Nimnul: Dang it almost had them.
Decker: And I almost had them too. But they kicked my men's butt.
Cancerman: You fools, I captured a group of them.
Nimnul: Ohhh goddy, where are they?
Cancerman: I locked them up
[By this tome KARR is busy playing minesweeper. Zipper flies back outside. Where KITT has just arrived.]
KITT: I tracked the little spider-bot to here.
Gadget: Well this is Nimnuls hideout.
Dale: If you had listened to me instead of using your dang tracking sensors we would have been here half an hour ago!
KITT: I would rather trust my trackers than you.
Monterey: Where else do you think he would have gone? You should have come here right away.
Zipper: The other team, they were captured.
Mulder: Ha, and Scully thought I was incompetent.
Monterey: Will you shut up?
Mulder: I will not shut up until I discover the truth.
Gadget: We have to get in there get the other team free and stop the bad guys.
Dale: Sounds good to me.
Gadget: OK here is the plan
[Back inside Nimnul's lab.]
Cancerman: Well it seems that I was the only one successful in capturing anyone.
Nimnul: It's not my fault, no one told me how powerful the dang car was.
KARR: (Still playing games) If you had taken me we would have defeated them, but no, you had to take your stupid spider robot.
Decker: And it was my stupid incompetent men that messed up!
Cancerman: Well we have to capture the rest now.
Nimnul: Don't worry I have a super secret back up weapon.
Cancerman: I know all about it. And I'm genuinely surprised that you are the one to create that evil force. Hell, I wish I had thought of it.
Decker: Thought of what?
Cancerman: You'll see.
[In the storage closet.]
Chip: Well any ideas to get out?
BA: Well the bad guy has locked us in a room with a lot of technical equipment. Hannibal and me will whip up some cool contraption to bust us out.
Chip: How convenient to be locked in a room with an acetylene torch.
Scully: If I still had my gun...
Hannibal: SHUT up. I'm sick of you whining.
[One of the ceiling blocks fall to the ground.]
BA: What was that?
Gadget: Me.
[She swings down on a rope.]
BA: Why didn't you think of that chipmunk fool?
Chip: Just shut up.
BA: I kill you fool.
Gadget: Come on let's get you guys out of here.
Scully: They have us locked in
Gadget: Well, I could whip something up with all of the junk in the corner of the room.
BA: I planned to do that mouse. Hannibal and me could make a machine gun and blow up the door!
Gadget: Must you always be so violent?
BA: I will kill you fool.
[BA charges at Gadget she quickly dodges out of the way. BA can't stop moving and goes crashing through the door.]
Chip: Good job Gadget, getting him angry like that and tricking him through the door.
[In another part of the lab]
Cancerman: What was that?
Decker: We had better go see what it was
[By this time Gadget had opened the main doors letting the other heroes in]
Mulder: This is it the big show down of good vs. evil. All of humanity depends on the outcome of this battle.
Scully: Will you stop being overly dramatic?
KITT: I am detecting the villains approaching
BA: It's clobbering time!
KARR: So KITT we meet for the last time. Can you wait a sec? I'm going for a top score here.
KITT: I don't think so!
Nimnul: Now I will have my revenge on you insufferable rodents!
Monterey: Who gave this wacko a dictionary?
Cancerman: Mulder and Scully you will be my lackeys.
Mulder: What's a lackey?
Scully: (Groan)
Decker: And the A-team will finally be captured.
Face: I'm too pretty to go to jail!
Nimnul: Now prepare to me destroyed by the ultimate evil!
Chip: And what is that?
[Nimnul hits a button and the wall with all of the warning labels. Smoke escapes from the open door. Five people can be seen standing in the doorway.]
Nimnul: Destroy them!
BA: Oh no! Anything but them!
Mulder: Mommmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
Dale; AIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Chip: I can't believe that even Nimnul is that evil.
KITT: Even I can't fight these horrible creatures.
Scully: Who are they?
Spice girl #1: Us
Heroes: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Spice Girl #2: Get them girls
[The spice girls start singing and jumping all over the place.]
Zipper: Run away, Run away!
Spice Girl #3: Oh come now fly. Let's dance.
Gadget: That singing is driving me out of my mind!
Monterey Jack: We have to stop them!
Dale: But how?
Hannibal: BA get the one with the bad hair!
BA: They all got bad hair!
Hannibal: Then get the one who can't sing!
BA: They all sing like crap Hannibal!
Face: Then just get the annoying one!
BA: All them spice fools are equally annoying Face!
Murdock: Then just smash any old spice girl you want BA
[BA grabs a random spice girl and rips her head off. Blood splatters everywhere.]
BA: That felt good!
Michael: Yes we can fight them!
[Mulder and Scully are busy looking at one of Nimnuls devices. A spice girl starts dancing toward them. They both spin around firing their guns at her. Her body goes flying backwards as the keep shooting her. Blood splatters all over the place.]
Mulder: Scully, didn't Cancerman take your gun?
Scully: Yeah so?
Mulder: So where did you get that gun?
Scully: Hey I have to have some secrets you know.
Mulder: (Whining) Please…tell me
Scully: No.
Mulder: Hmph.
[Meanwhile KITT is running down another spice girl.]
Spice girl #5: Girl powe…
[KITT runs her over.]
Gadget: How many of those things are left?
Monterey Jack: Two to go.
Nimnul: No this can't be happening.
Cancerman: Well it is you fool!
[A spice girl has Duncan cornered.]
Spice girl #4: Spice up you're life
Duncan Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh make it stop make it stop!
Dale: Duncan use you're sword.
Duncan: I can finally cut of someone's head?
Dale: Yes!
Duncan: Oh boy
[He pulls out sword and decapitates the Spice girl]
Duncan: Yeah baby!
Cancerman: Only one Spice girl left.
[The one last spice girl is chasing Dale. He quickly ducks into a hole in the wall. The spice girl slams into the wall so hard that it causes a heavy piece of machinery to fall onto her. She splatters everywhere.]
Hannibal: It looks like you're plan wasn't that brilliant idiots.
Decker: I'll handle this myself.
[He lunges toward Hannibal but BA catches him in midair and slams him to the ground.]
[Meanwhile Mulder is looking at Nimnul's computer]
Nimnul: Things aren't looking good Cancerman.
Cancerman: Really?
Scully: It's over Cancerman. We have foiled one of your schemes yet again.
Cancerman: No you haven't you played right into my hands. I know have the information I needed and when we meet again you and Mulder will be my slaves!
Mulder: Huh? Someone call me.
[He looks around to see who had called him. As he looks around he hits a switch and an electrical blast from the computer hits him in the head.]
Scully: Mulder!
Mulder: S..S..Scully I know everything now.
Scully: Huh?
Mulder: The truth! I know the truth! Somehow I absorbed all of the information from that computer. I know.
[By this time the villains have regrouped and are getting ready to face off against the heroes. But before anyone can make a move a black ford pulls into the lab. Two men wearing black suites step out.]
Cancerman: Who the heck are you?
K: We are from the Department of Energy
J: Yeah we got reports that you guys were using to much juice.
K: So if you don't mind would you all gather in the center of the room?
Chip: What for?
J: We need to run an electrical test. So move your rear ends to the center of the room now!
[Everybody moves to the center of the room. K pulls a small cylinder shaped object from his pocket.]
K: Okay people I need you to look at this device.
[All look at the device. K activates it. A large red flash emits from the tip of the device.]
K: None of this mess ever happened. There are no such things as aliens, the government can be trusted, And John Davidson is not insane. You will return to your normal lives.
[As K is talking J uses another device and wipes the memories of KARR and KIT T. A few seconds after K stopped talking everybody look around in confusion.]
BA: Hey man where are we?
Duncan: Where am I and what is this place?
K: It's OK people. We just had a minor electrical short.
Nimnul: What are you people doing in my laboratory?
Michael: I don't know?
Nimnul: Well get out or I'll call the cops.
Murdock: OK, OK don't have a hissy fit.
Mulder: I know there is something I'm supposed to be looking for. Something that I want to prove that exists. But I don't know what it is.
Dale: Aliens?
Mulder: Aliens? What kind of moron would actually believe in Aliens?
Scully: Maybe you're trying to prove something else.
Mulder: Like?
Dale: Government conspiracies?
Mulder: Surly you jest; the Government has out best interest at heart.
Cancerman: Your right. The government is our friend. In fact I'm going to start to work in a Day Care center and take care of children.
Gadget: Did anyone else notice the abnormal proportions of blood in Nimnul's lab?
Face: Who?
Monterey: We were just in his lab.
KITT: You mean the short fellow in the lab coat?
Zipper: That was him.
Michael: Never saw him before.
[Michael gets into KITT]
Michael: Well, I don't know who any of you are. Or why I'm here but I got places to go.
Duncan: Hey can you give me a lift?
Michael: Sure why not?
KITT: I'm not sure about this Michael.
Michael: Don't worry KITT. What could possibly happen?
[Duncan gets into he passenger door and KITT drives off]
Hannibal: We had better get going to. We have to keep on the mov.e
[The A-Team get into their van]
Dale: Are you guys' fugitives or something?
Face: No of course not. We're um, um...Floor it BA!
[The van peels put of there and takes off.]
Decker: Hey wait a minute. I know those people.
[He jumps into a military jeep and chases the A-Team]
Cancerman: OK that settles it. We'll open up an orphanage. And I'll change my name to Sunshine man.
Scully: And we'll stop wasting out time with stupid cases.
Mulder: Yeah, we'll start our own little restaurant. And I know the perfect cook, Mr. Tombs
[They all get into Scully's car and take off. J walks over to KARR]
J: And I finally get myself a cool car.
K: I don't think so. Do you really think Humans developed this kind of technology? The Saurian Ambassador owns this car.
J: Man this stinks.
K: Come on let's go.
[J and K get into their car and drive away with KARR following them.]
Gadget: Well that certainly was weird.
Chip: So how did we get here?
Monterey: I have no idea.
Dale: Let's go home.
Zipper: Sounds good to me.
[The next day at RRHQ. All of the Rangers are sitting around the tree.]
Chip: Gadget, have any ideas about what happened to us yesterday?
Gadget: No, and I can't explain where all the missing time went.
[Before Chip can respond a bluish vortex opens up in the sky and 4 people come tumbling out. At the same time there is a shimmer of light and 4 people appear next to the tree. A few seconds after that a orange Dodge charger with a Confederate flag comes creaming into the park.]
Chip: Everybody into the tree right now!
Dale: Why?
Chip: Just move it now!
[Inside RRHQ]
Gadget: Why did you tell us to come in? I want to see what is happening out there.
Chip: I just have a strong felling that whatever is going on out there that we should not get involved.
Monterey: Why what's the worst that can happen?
[Outside the tree]
Maggie: Die, Kromaags die!
B'Elanna: I don't know what a Kromagg is but I'll get your butt.
Paris: So Luke tell me how do you use this car to pick up chicks?
Luke: It's all in the attitude man.
[Back in RRHQ]
Gadget: Good thinking Chip. Who know what would have happened if we messed up with those people.