Notes: This takes place somewhere in season one or two, before the lion switch. I kinda uploaded this on a whim, so just tell me what you think. Warning for a little coarse language, but other than that this story is pretty tame.

Disclaimer: I don't own Voltron or anything... duh

Title is from Panic! at the Disco's 'Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time'

But I Make These High Heels Work

Chapter One

Lance loved his best friend, but sometimes Hunk really needed to learn to keep his mouth shut.

It had all started as they were preparing to land on Exultan, a small planet completely blanketed by desert. According to Coran, the natives were a resilient people, who had learned to live in even the harshest of conditions. They would be a valuable ally to the coalition.

Unfortunately any talk of alliances were cut short before they had begun as a come from a servant of the Exul king reached the Castle ship.

"I apologize for the distrustful nature of this message," the messenger began, and Lance could practically feel the entire team tensing up, "but thousands of years of Galra control have made my people wary of outsiders. We would be more comfortable if Princess Allura would come with only two of her handmaidens for the negotiations, instead of the paladins."

Lance raised an eyebrow, clearly, the Exultans had gotten the wrong idea about Allura. She didn't have any handmaidens or servants, and she wasn't pampered or spoiled. She hadn't had any royal comforts since Altea had been destroyed.

"What do you mean, handmaidens?" Of course Keith had to shoot his mouth off at the king, "We sure as hell won't be sending Allura alone to-"

"Keith!" Allura suddenly snapped, cutting the dark haired paladin off abruptly. She turned back to the hologram screen, a very familiar look of determination in her eyes, "We will of course, have the paladins step back. Exultan's safety is our first priority in these negotiations, after all."

"But Allura!"

Allura raised a hand, again silencing the red paladin, "No, Keith. We will honor their wishes. Although, I have one request. If the negotiations go well, I would like the paladins to join me afterwards."

The messenger smiled, his yellow tinted lips tilting up, "I'm sure that can be arranged for. In fact, if the alliance is successful, I'm sure King Kansapte will approve of an event in celebration. Prince Tikroz is very fond of parties."

"We would be honored to attend," a small grin crossed Allura's face, but her tone was still serious. The video flickered, then disappeared as the communications were cut off, and Allura turned to the team with a sigh.

"What the hell, Allura!"

"Keith," Shiro started, his tone low in warning, but Lance cut him off.

"No, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I have to agree with Keith this time!" He folded his arms across his chest, a display that might've seemed childish, but at this point Lance really didn't care, "Allura doesn't have any handmaidens, unless you count Coran, and we aren't sending her down there alone. Don't forget what happened on Juyter!"

A grim quiet fell over the team, their last diplomacy mission flashing vividly in the minds. The inhabitants of Juyter had claimed to be friends of the coalition, but had sold Voltron out to the Galra the moment it had landed on their planet. It had been a rough fight to escape, and nearly everyone was injured.

"This won't be like Juyter," Allura broke the silence, her eyes flashing, "The castle ship will be orbiting the planet, ready for any approaching Galran ships, and I won't be alone on Exultan. I can bring Pidge with me and introduce her as a handmaiden."

There was a pause as everyone considered the idea.

"I dunno," Hunk finally said, bringing his hand to his mouth to chew at a fingernail nervously, "I still don't like the idea of you two going down there alone."

Pidge scowled, her hands resting firmly on her hips, "What other choice do we have? We need this alliance, and I'm willing to go down there with Allura if this is how we get it."

"The Exul said we could send two handmaidens with Allura," Shiro frowned, "I would feel better if we could send three together rather than two."

"But we only have two girls!" Lance exclaimed, he had never had a problem with the clear unbalance of genders on the team, but right now it was beginning to be an issue, "There's no one else to send!"

"Hey!" Pidge shouted, hands slipping off her waist to clench at her sides, "Girls aren't the only ones to be servants!"

"Yeah! Well he said handmaidens! Last time I checked, that meant girls!"

"Why can't we just say we're a non-binary species?" Keith suggested, "I mean, the universe is a big place, there's got to be tons of planets that have more than two genders."

Allura sighed, "I would Keith, but the Exuls are a paranoid people. I'm afraid they would be offended if we brought anyone resembling their views of a male."

Pidge scoffed, "That's stupid. Male and female aren't just physical. I look exactly the same as I did when I was pretending to be a boy and you all see me as female."

"Pidge, I'm sure Allura's just saying that the Exuls are on edge after so many years fighting off the Galra, and wouldn't react well to any surprises," Shiro said, his deep voice soothing. Pidge grumbled but didn't argue.

"So what? Are we gonna go find some random alien girl to go with Allura and Pidge?" Keith scoffed, and Lance had to agree.

It wasn't that he didn't want to meet any new cool aliens, and having more girls on board would really be cool, but they just didn't have time, and this was their problem. Asking some poor girl to enter a tense war conference wasn't fair.

"Wait… maybe we don't have to find a new girl."

Everyone turned to stare at the yellow paladin, and Lance could practically see the cogs turning in his best friends brain. He had a really bad feeling about where this was going.

"What do you mean, number two?" Coran asked.

"Well, back at the Garrison, I got bored and was looking through Lance's phone…"

"Hunk, if you're going where I think you're going with this..." yeah, Lance was pretty sure he knew what Hunk was suggesting.

"And I found all these pictures…"

Lance's mind was quickly switching to panic mode, "Hunk! You are seriously breaching best friend secrecy code!"

"You see, his sister is super into cosmetology…"

"Hunk, my man, one more word and you can say adios to my mama's famous paella recipe!"

Hunk gave Lance an apologetic look, but plowed on anyways, "So she used to play dress up on him, and y'know, do his makeup. He made a pretty convincing girl."

"Hunk!"

Pidge looked like Christmas had come early, "Really? Lance? In drag? Oh man, that's something I have to see!"

Some of the tension melted away, despite Lance fizzling with anger. Keith was smirking, and even Shiro managed a smile.

"You're joking!" Keith chuckled, and damn, even in humiliation, Lance had to admit it was worth a little embarrassment to make the stupid emo boy laugh, "There's no way Lance could convince anyone he's a girl!"

And as much as Lance hated this situation, he just had to rise to Keith's bait.

"Excuse me? I'm ten times more convincing of a girl than you'd ever be!"

"Yeah, If I hadn't known better, I would have thought Lance was his sister or something!" Hunk exclaimed.

"I'm sure Lance would be a very pretty girl," Allura interrupted with a laugh, rolling her eyes "but I wouldn't ask him to put himself in that position if he were uncomfortable with it."

Lance shifted on his feet sheepishly. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "If there's really no other way… I guess I could pretend to be a girl and go with Pidge and Allura."

"Really!" Pidge asked excitedly.

"Really?" Keith asked skeptical.

"Yeah, I mean, it's kinda the same thing Pidge did get into the Garrison, right?"

Shiro frowned in concern, "Lance, you really don't have to do this if you don't want to. We can find something else."

"No, no, it's okay. Just one condition though."

"And what's that?"

"No pictures, Pidge!"

"Aww! C'mon!"

Notes: So, what did you think? I have the next few chapters already written, should I upload them? I've been writing and reading fanfiction for years, but I've never but anything online, so this is kinda my debut. I always thought my first uploaded fanfiction would be either Hetalia or Supernatural, so I was a little surprised when I went with Voltron, but I'm actually pretty proud of this story so...