Author's Notes: You deserved a full goodbye. To Mike & Rachel Ross. May you forever live in the world of 'Suits'. This is an add-on, but I might have another Chapter in me. Right now, I'm still crying over Mike Ross and thinking of Harvey looking at Donna like 'that'...
. . ...
All Things
By Atheniandream
. . ...
I wanna be older, I wanna be stronger
I don't wanna fall at the start
I wanna be quicker, I wanna get closer
Don't wanna feel worlds apart
It's all a fickle game
Life's a fickle game we play
. . .
Donna Paulsen had pulled the entire ceremony out of her ass, to as good a standard as she could have ever hoped for.
But bigger things were happening, beyond the blissful union of two young lovers.
She had watched Mike with Harvey, every second ticking by as she witnessed the blood drain slowly from Harvey's tired face. Suddenly life-altered in state as he was confronted with such a sudden snap of a shift.
Another in his life. In their life.
Harvey Specter was losing a Partner. A Best Friend. And a fantastic Lawyer.
But he wasn't the only one losing someone today.
Rachel Zane would no longer be 'just down the hall'. She would no longer be there to chat, or to drink with, or to chew over her latest issue in her somewhat lacking love life. She wanted everything for her friend, but it didn't quash the streak of raw emotion to claw at her since Rachel had uttered those words.
ยดWe are starting our lives in Seattle.'
Seattle was on the other side of the country. And this wasn't Sleepless...
Neither would she or Harvey have their best friends nudging them from both sides - sometimes making a meal of their complicated past, and even more complicated future. In turn, no longer would they be there to watch out for them, or to live in their day to day, like surrogate parents and points of ordained countenance in their shining futures as singular people and as a couple.
When he had lingered by the bar, she had pulled him away from his dark corners and into the light, knowing that he craved a distraction, despite their tenuous place in one another's lives. He had asked her to dance. Suddenly dancing seemed the easiest thing, compared to all the rest.
So they dance, really dance, and he twirls her about the dance floor as if she is becoming a physical part of him. Their fingers intertwine, and their eyes lock in places and they laugh amongst the beautiful romanticism of the moment, for what it is. No more, for now, whilst new wounds are fresh and cuts are deep. And it's a release for them both, to act like children and have the kind of fun that has been lost to them lately. They tire themselves until their pace slows, drawing themselves together then and not apart, their heartbeats syncing and their bodies drifting amongst a hyper sensitive sea of slowly moving pairs.
She doesn't know if he will ever be brave with her.
Or whether she'll truly figure out just how he loves her.
And within this changing climate of this current point in space and time she can only rest against hunches and looks and the very few, but rather important words that he has for her and her alone.
As he turns her in his arms, her head lolling towards his shoulder, the twinkly lights above them casting an enchanted glimmer to shine across the room, she feels that shift; her eyes flicking to the happy couple, one of two that she knows in the room. Louis and Sheila are happy. Glowing, almost, under the warmth of such a romantic evening.
It seems like all couples have their happy ending...almost...
But for once, she is content to just be...his.
She sheds a pit in her stomach at the feeling of Harvey, usually so strong and solid, now ambiguously unsure and almost broken against her, coming down from a high she encouraged. He thinks he's hiding it so well under the cover of a gentle smile and the comfort of their family around them. But she can almost sense it in him, the way his hand sweats a little and his chest sags against the closure of her arm.
His mind is turning over the night.
Their family is changing.
Not splintering, as such, but bidding one another safe journey as they embark on their own personal quests, in different directions across their vast country.
They will be back one day. She's sure of it.
And on that day,
It will be like it always has.
But for now, they are in bed with Robert Zane.
And Harvey has another hurdle to fight, and all without his partner in crime this time.
Without either of them...
She thinks on Jessica, and the small pieces of information that Harvey had told her about her struggles in a stranger city.
It saddens her, the idea of a woman like Jessica Pearson with her back against the wall. After everything she has ever accomplished. To be back on the line of things, feels unjust. Out of the balance of things.
It seems, she...Donna...is Harvey's only weapon now.
What they mean to one another is suddenly dwarfed by the every single shred of change around them, spinning about them along with the walls, the floor and the ceiling, all encased around this temporarily celebration of a moment, leaving them standing rather sharply at the edges of a world that they barely control.
For Now.
When his cheek falls away from hers, his eyes glancing into hazel, she feels every sting of pain, every loss and every almost win. His eyeline falters, a glassiness flashing in their shadowed depths. She squeezes his hand instinctively, straightening out of their relaxed embrace, nodding minutely, just enough for him to catch it and follow suit. Only then does his jaw set, more confident then, less drenched in sorrow, her action suddenly all he needs to knit together the meaning in her eyes. She watches as he releases a breath, slow and steady.
Something changes from within him, then.
Something hidden, suddenly breaking free.
Something she may have encouraged, but is somehow breathing life of it's very own without her aid.
The fingers that he holds her hand with slide in between hers, as the hand around her waist tightens around her, as he gradually leans into her, passing through her personal space. She feels his breath against her ear, causing a shiver to strike where his cheek had been for the past song or two.
She braces herself, her heart beat quickening as she holds her breath.
"You look beautiful, by the way." He mumbles, low enough that no one else but her could ever catch it.
Her eyebrow quirks, the only a reaction she isn't fast enough to temper, as she looks out into the circling couples dancing all around her. She sighs, more to rid herself of the way his words pull at her, in feeling that slight blush creep up her skin to meet the place where their chests now touch, and that her dress can conceal.
She spots Mike steal a glance at them, noticing the action with a look of interest and humour as Harvey's cheek slides back against hers. She nearly chokes on her long distance glare until Harvey pulls away, looking at her with interest.
"You okay?" He asks, frowning.
She can spot the veil of confidence slip at her suspended reaction.
"Yeah. It's nothing." She says, leaning slightly against him, to cover his confusion. "Just Mike,"
She hears him chuckle, sighing heavily. "That god damned kid." He reams off, the flood of emotion pulling at his vocal chords as he shakes his head slightly against her hair.
They ride the beat of silence between them, as they drift on the spot.
"They won't be far, Harvey." She promises him, thinking on the sheer distance. Despite her assuredness.
"I know." He says, a little too quickly, his mouth shutting in a clench of teeth as he holds her steady against his control of the rhythm.
. . ...
Cause I'm fast enough to get in trouble, and not fast enough to get away
I'm old enough to know I'll end up dying
And not young enough to forget again...
. .. ...
They dance until Mike and Rachel leave.
She's not sure how they had managed to stay locked in one position for so long, like two orbiting moons, or fireflies dancing beside a planet and in perfect sync with the sun. Part of a much wider, bigger picture, but no less whole, together.
They are broken up by Rachel and Mike prospectively, goodbyes jovial and hopeful and seemingly fleeting.
Rachel's eyes flick to Donna, as she offers the warmest of smiles, pulling Donna to the side.
"My Maid of Honor." Rachel grins, her voice bending with heavy sentiment.
"Mrs Ross," Donna chimes, watching as the lawyer's eyes fill with tears then, her cute pixie nose twitching as the redhead pulls her into a hug, rocking them slightly. "I'm so proud of you...Michelle." She says, tension riding the humour in her voice.
"Thank you, Harriet Specter," Rachel breathes, as they pull apart, teary eyed and laughing softly at names that somehow forever changed them.
She ignores the impulse to glance at Harvey in that moment, hoping Mike has stolen his attentions away.
"I'll call when we're all set up and then you can come visit, okay?" Rachel promises.
"Just enjoy your Honeymoon, first, Rachel." She says, giving her friend a meaningful and rather mothering look.
It's about time that Rachel Ross nee Zane learnt to enjoy her life.
"I love you so much." Rachel says, giving her hand one last squeeze.
"I love you too, sweetie. Have a fabulous time, okay?" She says, stealing a breath that hurts with the most perfect bittersweetness.
She watches as Rachel smiles, moving to her Mother, nearby.
She stills the flood of emotion that threatens to break free. She reminds herself.
Today is theirs, not hers.
But she's so proud...
. . . ...
Mike is electric, on his best possible day, Harvey thinks, as he clasps his friends shoulder.
This kid has won it all, and then some...
He tries not to get agitated, when Mike's attention shifts. He knows that shift. It's the nearly the same thing that Donna does, except more annoying because this guy is his little brother, and that twinge of something else isn't there like it is with her.
"Mike," He tempers, his head tilting as he gives him a look, them half folded in the kind of embrace that he figures out quickly, has a very strict purpose to it.
Mike looks squarely at him, their faces close enough to give them the perfect intimacy in their brotherly moment.
"You and,"
"Mike,"
"I mean it, Harvey. Take the risk." He says, his eyes like crystal pools and no less pure of intention, as the man's hand squeezes Harvey's shoulder. "Trust me. She's worth it."
Harvey shakes his head, pulling away slightly from his held shock at the young man's words.
He'll never let up. Not until his last dying breath.
Annoying.
Persistent.
Observant.
A veritable pain in the ass.
One of a kind.
Unforgettable.
"Just enjoy your Goddamned Honeymoon." He says, mock annoyance on his face, that Mike laughs at almost immediately.
And that's it. His last lecture about his heart, from Mike God Damned Ross.
"I'll be sure to Skype you from the Bahamas." Mike offers, a smug smile on his face.
"Let's hope you don't tan your ass red raw, out there." Harvey quips, laying the bait.
"See, why do you have to do that?" Mike offers, looking woundedly at his friend. "Why do you have to be like that?"
He smiles then, tooth laden and restrained of all the love that he has ever had for this young man, as Mike slaps him on the shoulder.
"Get outta here." Harvey says in his way, watching his best friend rip away his gaze then, to carefully gather his blushing bride.
He looks to Donna, who's gravitated to right beside him, finally shedding a tear or two in the comfort of his presence. He takes her right hand in his left one, their fingers mingling without a thought, as he too begins to feel the release of all their journeys combining as one.
They are moving forward. Into whatever his life will turn out to be, he jjust hopes she'll always be there, standing beside him.
His hand squeezes hers, levelling out the nearly visible choke in her rarely troubled breath.
"You okay?" He offers, looking down at her.
She nods, her eyes meeting his for the briefest of moments, as she sniffs back the sentiment, glancing back out to their friends and the growing crowd that shapes around them.
He has a million words for her floating around his head as he watches her for a second. Red and Back and momentarily Blue.
But only one question lingers on his lips.
And for right now,
Their best friends in the entire world just got married. To one another, no less.
And she's right. Like always.
His one constant above a shifting world within worlds.
They will both see them again.
It is the end, and yet still the start,
Of all things.
. . ...