"Stupid ero-sannin and his stupid perverted mind..."

The crazy pervert really made everything worse. Not only Naruto had to finish the rasengan in one week, he also had to learn the toad kata as well. As if that hadn't been bad enough, Jiraiya also had to fully mastered the Sage Mode, which basically made him have to learn everything by himself. All because Tsunade, in rare moment of brilliance in her gambling career, decided to up the ante: if Naruto and Jiraiya did the three things, she not only had to become the Hokage and gave her necklace to Naruto, but also she would marry the super-pervert. Jiraiya immediately agreed to it without a say from the Jinchuuriki.

"Okay! Relax, Naruto, relax! You are on the last step of mastering a rasengan. Yes, you've been stuck at this since two days, but you just need to finish this step, and granny will eat her words, return to Konoha as Hokage, and became ero-sensei's wife," he let out a grin with that last statement. His opinion on the blonde Sannin was not positive by any stretch due to her badmouthing every prior Hokage, and it would be justice to see her nightmare become true.

He decided that he had enough relaxation, and it's time for him to complete the training for rasengan again.

"Hey boss! Have some snacks for us?"

"What are you two doing here?" Naruto addressed the two young toads, Gamakichi and Gamatatsu.

"Naruto, we're here to teach you how to do the awesome toad kata!"

The blonde Jinchuuriki tried to look at both toads with scrutiny; well as much as a boy with borderline ADHD could. "Why aren't you here earlier then?"

"Because Jiraiya thought you need to concentrate on rasengan first. He said that Tsunade didn't say anything about your mastery of our taijutsu; you just need to be able to learn the basics."

The blonde Jinchuuriki blinked. He found Jiraiya's loophole abuse to be pretty sound. "Okay, I just hope Tsunade baa-chan is not a sore loser. Okay, I'm ready for a change. Just let me try the rasengan once more," Naruto then summoned a kagebunshin.

"Why are you using a clone, boss?"

"Because I'm still sucking at stabilizing it," the blonde Uzumaki replied to the toad brothers. He then charged his rasengan slowly, building power on the palm of his clone.

And right as its glow started to turn more bluish, it combusted rapidly and detonated into each others.

"Owie! I never got past the 40% power completion before it blow up again! And did it always explode from the left direction first?" Naruto asked to himself. He then remembered that he got hit by the rasengan twice, the first time made him dissipate into smoke. Which means... "Yatta! I finally got memories from my clones! I will win this bet easily!"

"So in the end, Tsunade-sama still will lost the bet. I was worried since her victory often meant disasters in near future."

"Eh? You're Tsunade's pretty apprentice, right?" Naruto addressed the intruder.

Shizune blushed from the spontaneous praise from the blonde genin, but she recollected herself before the boy could notice her blush. "Yes, Naruto-kun. My name's Shizune. I just want to clear up some misunderstanding that may caused by Lady Tsunade's behavior. I don't know what came over her; she's usually not this...unfriendly."

"Oh yeah. I can see why considering she was such a jerk. I just have one question though! Do you think she really would fit as leader? You know, she drink too much, she's in deep debt, and worse of all, she disrespected every previous Hokage!"

"I can vouch for her leadership, and I said it as the one who have to deal with her debt collectors every week," Naruto snorted in amusement. "In history of Konoha's militarization, with Tsunade-sama, our medic corps ended up being feared in the eyes of enemies. She was one of the first person who found out how to use medical jutsu to help our offense. She also handled the budget, and she really know how to not waste any money on irrelevant part."

"Hmm...I don't know. I once read stuffs about a great squad leader who can't handle his company..." Naruto rubbed his jaw, in rare moment where his brain worked outside of fighting and pranking.

"Don't you think you should at least give her a chance?"

"Hmm...maybe?"

Shizune blinked in surprise. "You know, for someone who brought up those points I thought convincing you would be more difficult."

"Eh, I'm still fifty-fifty with granny, but if you and Ero-sannin are so sure then I'll pass my judgement to you two. I'd like to ask you instead though. Since Tsunade baachan have a really bad luck in her side, wouldn't you feel worry that ero-sannin's going to marry her?"

"Naruto-kun, I have been with Tsunade for 15 years. On several occasions when she's drunk, she would say that she wished Jiraiya would be here. She had feelings for the man, and they could be more than friendly feelings." The black-haired medical nin explained with a wink.

"And him being super perverted author and professional peeping tom?"

"Tsunade-sama is one of the most beautiful shinobi in history, and from what I...recollected, Tsunade sounded like his kind of perfect woman," Shizune tried to hide the fact she did read his books, and she recalled the books' descriptions of the busty women often put them at near Tsunade's impressive 106 cm chest measurement. "She could satisfy Jiraiya and more as long as they made an agreement, like only basing the Icha-Icha series on nothing but imagination."

"I guess if you okay, then...Well, I've been working with unpleasant people before, so maybe I can do it with her!"

"Naruto, I also come here to tell you why she's so bitter," Shizune interjected. "She believes the position's cursed. Her granduncle died on the field as Hokage, and her brother died with dream as Hokage. She wanted to return during the Fourth Hokage's reign, but his death saddened him again."

"I...can see why she became like this," Naruto sympathized. "But she still needs attitude adjustment for insulting our heroes! Just because she's turned bitter, that doesn't mean she can just insult everyone on whim!"

"Oh, I can agree with that, but let someone else do that, okay? She needs to catch up with her full power; all the death of her close people gave her fear of blood, so she's a bit rusty since we can't go full on sparing."

"Okay!"

Shizune giggled while she ruffled the blonde's head. She found the Jinchuuriki to be quiet adorable, and it baffled her that his reputation in Konoha was so polarizing based of what she heard from the grapevine. Perhaps it's true that hate truly blinded people to the truth...

1 day before the bet finished...

"Naruto-kun, I need your help!" a certain black-haired medic barged into the hotel room. When the boy still snored through all the noises, he ended up got turned over out of the bed. "WAKE UP!"

"Huh, wha-?"

"I found Orochimaru talked with Tsunade-sama last night, something about healing his vertigo."

"What? If she healed his vertigo, he'll snatch Sasuke with ease! Everyone in Konoha's not in good shape after the attack!" Naruto flipped out, but he realized something odd. "Eh, why did he have vertigo in the first place?"

"Tsunade-sama herself didn't know; she asked him like she should've know about it before. You know anything about Orochimaru from the attack?"

"Nothing, except somehow he's a girl too. There's a scent of girl odor when I fought him in the forest, and he changed his face into a woman at one point."

Shizune got confused by the explanation, but quickly her eyebrows furrowed. "...Body-jacker."

"Huh?"

"Orochimaru is obsessed with immortality. He might've stolen a body for himself, which happened to be female with disease that caused vertigo, and modify it to suit his biology. Whatever happened in Konoha it caused the disease that caused vertigo to return," the medic explained.

"Ah that make sense. But why he wanted Tsunade-baachan to fix him if he could just get a new body?"

"Maybe it's hard for him to find a suitable body, or something else. Anyway, can you bring Jiraiya-sama back here?"

"Eh, I'll try to summon the elder toads, but I don't know who Ero-sannin train with now," the blonde Jinchuuriki pricked his thumb to summon a toad.

He ended up summoned Gamaken and unintentionally did a cart destroyer jutsu instead.

"Sorry for my clumsiness, Uzumaki-kun!" the crimson toad apologized as Shizune paid off the cart owner who's too shaken to even accept the money.

"Eh, never mind. I just need you to report to elder toads that we need ero-sannin now. Orochimaru is here."

Somewhere, in the vast field outside the village...

"Tsunade, Tsunade. You are a fool, you know that?"

The woman couldn't move as Orochimaru skewered his sword into the skin of Kabuto, who moaned in combination of pain and pleasure. Even knowing a jutsu that temporarily mitigate pain into something else exist, it was still sickening.

Especially since she knew the two traitors were mocking her blood phobia.

Her plan was derailed; in case she smelled bullshit from Orochimaru, the Slug Sannin planned to bust Orochimaru's inner ears. And if it didn't work, she would drag the fight until Jiraiya recovered or Shizune caught on, which was why she allowed Kabuto to attack her. And while she ended up taking more punishment than intended (the boy's almost as strong as Kakashi after all), she managed to mess with the young man's nervous system. She was left to wonder when the boy just smiled after the attack.

Without any warn, Orochimaru stabbed his right-man with Kusanagi, and the young man's joyful expression doubled her phobia-induced panic.

"We were just trying to help you. Just like old time. And now, you're forcing us to play dirty."

"Oh, give me more, Orochimaru-sama."

"Now, now. You start to creep me like that Jashin guy. Try to figure out how your messed nervous system work instead, huh? I could easily kill her even with just my mouth alone," the pale ninja ordered his right-hand medic. He then drew a sword out of his mouth, deliberately did it in slow way to petrify his former teammate.

And got a kick to the head by Jiraiya before he could even reach Tsunade.

"Jiraiya!"

"So what are we hearing about you healing Orochimaru, Tsunade? We thought you knew better," Jiraiya scolded the blonde healer.

"He claimed he could bring Nawaki and Dan back. I...ended up refusing to do my part since I found him even creepier than before. Not to mention he did absolutely nothing to show he'll hold his promise to not attack Konoha for a while after."

"Then I'll say this to you, my princess: you were right to annul this agreement. These two will be hold to the summoner's will, and I don't know if the talisman could be used by non-summoners. They'll become nothing but Orochimaru slaves."

Tsunade glared at Orochimaru, who didn't flinch despite the immense killing intent. "Ah, so you deliberately failed to say that the first two Hokages I summoned now have their free will back."

"And they look like zombies, and they only escaped due to combination of strong will and luck. I doubt Nawaki and Dan could do it, if you even will to give it in the first place."

"Touche."

"Hold a minute. My grandpa and granduncle's still not returning to afterlife? And you actually used them, Orochi? You dared to use the most honorable ninja to fight their own village? I shouldn't even bother with you."

"Yeah, kinda make you dumb to trust the snake, right?"

Tsunade looked at the Jinchuuriki that just insulted her. "...Why do you bring the boy, Jiraiya? He'll be nothing but hindrance in battle between us Sannin."

"I'll have you know that I nearly finished the bet, moronic old hag!"

"He can summon toads here and save some of my chakra," Jiraiya quickly shouted after he saw the blonde Sannin fuming from the extra insult. "Do it, boy! Or the woman will punch you back to the village."

Naruto obliged and bitten his thumb into his contract.

He summoned a startled Gamaken with Gamatatsu climbed on his back...who ended up got stabbed by the sword he juggled.

"MY LEG! CURSE MY CLUMSINESS! SORRY, BUT I CAN'T STAY!" screamed the crimson toad as he got reverse summoned for...medical purposes, leaving a Gamatatsu behind. Orochimaru was the first one to get his wit back.

"That reminds me of the good old time where everything's simpler. Oh by the way, Jiraiya-kun," everybody looked back to the Snake Sannin. "I took a page from your own cart destroyer jutsu."

A big snake summoned on the top of the three Konoha ninja. All of them dispersed to avoid the attack.

Sadly it rolled on-air, and still managed to pin Naruto in his left leg.

"MY LEG!"

"Is that supposed to be the running gag of this battle?"

"Why the hell do we need a running gag in a fight between S-class ninja?" Tsunade shouted at Jiraiya while started to fend off Kabuto.

"Better than having your boobs as the recurring savior! I still remember when it became Double D cup, for some reasons enemies always hit the boobs, and it actually softened the blows! And when you took a dive for me, the chakra blast hit your boobs first."

"Don't remind me of that time, you fool!"

"Like I said, the good old days..." Orochimaru just mused, ignoring the look from his right-hand man.

Later...

"Is that supposed to be rasengan? I thought it's not supposed to disappear that fast. Seems like you're just a failure, Naruto-kun."

Naruto found himself in dire situation. Tsunade nearly beaten Kabuto before he splashed her eyes with his blood and triggered her trauma, and for now she could barely stand. He himself barely able to walk, and only able to fight by jumping around on his good leg.

But his lips did not quiver. Nor he seemed ready to use it to tell the white-haired traitor to shut it.

"Hehehe. It's true that I still can't fully control it."

The boy just blocked the kunai, did not even care that it nearly pierced his palm. Neither did an attack to the chest from Kabuto flinched him.

"But I have a promise to make, and I believe I can do it by my own way," Kabuto smirked, but just before he tried to smash talk again his eyes widened in horror as he saw what his clone actually did.

There was a bluish chakra sphere in the other palm of real Naruto, and it looked more and more solid.

The right-hand of Orochimaru tried to get away and did more damage to the chest of his opponent, but he found out the other surprises: several clones from the underground holding him from the leg, preventing him to get away from the attack. Kabuto could do nothing but shielding his own chest with his own chakra as the blonde Jinchuuriki finishing his Rasengan.

When the sphere made a contact, it launched the bespectacled traitor into a giant rock and caved him in, surely did massive damage to the traitor.

Tsunade couldn't believe it.

The rowdy, brash, and completely unrefined Uzumaki...somehow created a rasengan to blast the traitorous medical ninja. Granted he had to use his clone to do it, but he still did it.

"Ugh...damn that Naruto!" to the shock of everyone, Kabuto was still alive. His stomach wasn't ruptured like how it supposed to be, and it started to healing itself. "My chakra's barely enough to shield my stomach and heal me. I'm lucky that it didn't knock me out..."

Tsunade then realized that Naruto got struck by something from Kabuto. She inspected it, and found some damage in his heart. The boy was so determined, he ignored the damage and launched the rasengan anyway. The blonde medic proceeded to pump her chakra to heal the boy. Konoha couldn't lose such a determined young boy.

So focused she was, her sensory failed to notice the incoming of her former teammate who slashed her across the chest.

"Foolish. This opening's created by your act of kindness toward this Uzumaki failure," the pale snake traitor sneered as he swung his blade again.

And found a fist nearly destroyed his jaw, scrambled his brain and launched him into the sky. Such an irony; he dismissed a supposed failure only for himself neglected to notice her trembling stopped after his taunt.

Impossible! She got over her blood trauma?! he could only asked himself as he fell back to earth. He felt humiliated, everything gone wrong in the day and his rival ended up having a point in teaching untalented losers.

To make it worse, his surrounding started to move and gave him intense headaches again.

"Crap...that direct hit to my head made my vertigo even worse."

"Orochimaru-sama...I'm fading..."

With Jiraiya and Shizune coming, he knew the battle's lost. "It seems that we need to cut this short. Fine then, Kabuto. We'll retreat and use that body instead," as Orochimaru walked to his medic, he noticed the blank look from his opponents. "What?"

"Okay, so you have a body to treat your vertigo problem. Why were you approaching my princess in the first place again?" Jiraiya asks, intrigued and baffled.

"Because I still haven't acquire that Sasuke child. He's the body that I desire all along, and I don't want to wait for many years before I'm able to move into a new body again."

"...You do realize he's still 13 right? Unless he reached puberty fast enough, I don't think you want to risk his body unable to handle your chakra coil. Not to mention you'll have issues like his much shorter wingspan," Shizune pointed out.

Orochimaru gritted his teeth, and he struggled to restrain himself from stomping the ground for ended up making so many miscalculations. He decided to just save his face, "You don't understand my master plan, young Shizune."

"Oh, just admit you did something wrong, you arrogant bastard!"

"I'm leaving with Kabuto. Enjoy a fight with Manda and his friends," the snake Sannin cut off Jiraiya. The Toad Sannin himself wanted to rip "Manda! Ayame! De-yuranto! Kill these Konoha fools!"

"What the hell did you smoke, Orochimaru? Where the fuck will we get our food and sacrifices in this barren land?"

"I already set several reversal summoning scrolls in case you demand more from me, Manda. I'll just set them off for you after all of this is done," the snakes was satisfied by the promise and let the two ninjas running away.

"Damn! Three giant snakes that will be summoned to eat anything they like in some random villages. We need to hurt them bad enough to the point they'll spend the next months resting and made Orochimaru annulled the deal."

"Jiraiya, I have conquered my fear. Let's fight with our summons like old times!" Tsunade screamed as Katsuyu, her giant slug summon, appeared on the field, together with Gamabunta.

"They have De-yuranto? Shit! This is not going to be easy, Jiraiya. That snake's called Slim Reaper for a reason! Hell, he's probably the most effective at fighting human one on one because of his quickness and skills!"

"That's why I told you to always bring the oil whenever I summon you from a week before. Do you have it?"

"Yeah, but can you use it without Fukasaku-san and Shima-san?"

"I'm getting better, remember!" the middle age man poured the oil into his body, his warts started to show as a sign of his transformation.

Soon the field turned into chaos between five gargantuan creatures and two beastmasters. Even the supposed neutral figure, Shizune nearly got crushed by De-yuranto as she rushed out of the battlefield with Naruto on her shoulder.

De-yuranto hissed at Manda, who got what its snake tongue said, and they decided to double-teamed at Gamabunta and Jiraiya. The bigger Manda went against Gamabunta, while Jiraiya handled the slimmer snake. The Toad Sannin found that Gamabunta did not exaggerate; De-yuranto indeed moved like much smaller snake summons.

Meanwhile, Ayame successfully slapped Tsunade out of the bound and ended up with upper hand on her summon. Katsuyu was being constricted by Ayame, who tried to crush the giant slug into pieces. Katsuya gave in...and turned itself into many smaller version of itself, and half of her exploding into acidic body fluids. Ayame tried to rise up after it, but she could feel her skin melted. Out of fear that her life would end, the white snake ended up having to retreat.

In the meantime, Gamabunta got his arm bitten by Manda, the sword was left somewhere else. The toad managed to protect his arm from the venom by engulfed his arm in toad esophagus. Just before Manda could enhance his bite on Gamabunta, a gigantic sword pierced it from above, courtesy of Legendary Sucker Tsunade used her legendary strength to handle the giant sword. This pinned the snake to the ground and prevent it to even just open its mouth without pain. The snake could only muttered several impotent curses before it reverse summoned itself. Gamabunta complained about the potential of Tsunade cut off his arm in accident, but the blonde Senju remarked that she still remembered his measurements to hit the snake safely.

Somewhere else, The Slim Reaper was trying to hit Jiraiya, who struggled to keep up with the snake's surprising agility considering its length. Jiraiya tried to exploit the snake's tendency to rise from the ground before it move so he could stab the belly, but it's easier to said than done. He saw a one opportunity to use Needle Jizo, but the snake saw what he tried. He ended up being slammed into the corner by the snake and realized it too late. However, just before it could throw its Venom Spite at the Toad Sannin, a sword blocked it and the snake nearly got squashed by a giant toad. Looked around his surrounding, De-yuranto suddenly realized he's alone, while Jiraiya and Gamabunta got Tsunade and small Katsuyu to back them. He decided that the sacrifice promise just did not worth it, and disappeared in a smoke.

"I see that De-yuranto is still the same snake. Very mobile for a snake that long, but prefer to flee when things don't go his way."

"Guys, I think we need to worry about Orochimaru's seals for the villages. What if he try to bribe the snakes with that again?" said Tsunade.

"I don't think Orochimaru will accept his part on the bargain since they failed, but I'll ask the toads if they can destroy those summons, just in case. They can't be that far from the Sound Village or any of their allies if he really had the time."

"You know the location of Otogakure?"

"Just estimations. But I feel they're more like laboratories in several remote area, so it's not truly a village," Jiraiya looked at his love, only to be shocked by her current appearance. "Tsunade, you-"

"OH MY GOD! YOU ARE ACTUALLY THAT OLD?!" out of all time, Naruto woke up at the worst situation.

"Brat, you're lucky I feel like I can crumble any minute now..."

Sometime later, in the casino where they met...

All of the Konoha ninja were in silence as they're waiting for diner. Each side waited for their counterpart to break down the news first, and in case of Jiraiya, he wanted more time for his part of the bet.

"Hime-"

"Jiraiya, you don't need to win the bet. I already going to become The Fifth Hokage."

"Huh?"

"I see your Sage Mode. It still give you warts, right? Don't worry, I'll just say it's a tie, and we'll just take off the less important part, and since a marital status change's the less important one, I'll be the Hokage," Tsunade explained.

"I'm sorry, Jiraiya-san." Shizune bowed to the Toad Sannin, who was oblivious to her apology since he was busy fuming at his grinning student.

"Looks like she's safe from your perverted hands, Ero-sannin."

"That's it!" Jiraiya slammed the table, infuriated by the insult. "Tsunade, I still have several hours to complete this bet. Just let me try this mode for the last time!"

"Jiraiya, you don't have to-"

The toad sannin ignored his crush's words, as he started to collect the natural chakra by himself without the help of any toad oil. His apprentice just about to ask if it's okay when the man started to bloated like a toad.

Just as Naruto panicked and attempted to throw anything at his sensei to snap him back, the man's transformation stabilized. Slowly he returned to his Sage mode.

They could see the warts started to disappear from Jiraiya's face, his nose started to return back to normal. And after a while, the only change was his eyes, now resembled toad's eyes.

"See, Tsunade-hime? Clean of warts! I am in perfect sage mode! And you never said anything about mastering the toad kata, so I am sure Naruto also passed the bet," said Jiraiya as he turned off the sage mode.

"Goodness, Jiraiya! Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"When a man's pride and love is in danger, he'll do anything to get them back."

Tsunade's eyes softened, but they looked a bit sorrowful at the same time. "So I lost the bet, huh? Well look at me. Now I have to marry the worst pervert in the world," the soon to be Hokage sighed in defeat. She then turned to sneer at Naruto half-jokingly, "Thanks for jinxed it, brat."

"Tsunade, I just want to say that I am really happy to marry you. And not just because I'll have free access to the finest set of breast in the land-"

"Jiraiya..."

"But also because I really like you from a long time," the toad sannin proclaimed as he placed his lips on Tsunade's right hand just as it's about to pulled itself into a punch.

"R-really?" Tsunade asked, cheeks reddened by the kiss.

"Yes. Even when you're still as flat as ironing board."

"Whoa! Granny used to be flat? What jutsu did you use, Tsunade baa-chan? And why didn't you learn from her, Shizune-chan? You can get even prettier!"

Naruto ended up deservedly drilled to the ground by both women.

"I swear Jiraiya, you'll end up like this brat if you don't choose your next words carefully..."

"Tsunade, I've been with many women before, but never once I treat any of them like a real lady. Will you be my lady for my whole life?"

"Oh Jiraiya-kun, I-"

"Sorry I have to interrupt this marriage proposal," everybody looked at the Samehada sword. Much to their horror, Kisame made his return in flesh, unharmed. "Hahaha! All of you are too weakened from the fight with Orochimaru, especially you, Senju Tsunade. Now let me take this blonde brat, and I won't have to hack his legs...hopefully."

"Not so fast shark-man! I still have some chakra to do this!" Jiraiya summoned the two elder toads. They were eating some kind of worm ramen with topings of milipedes. Even Kisame's disgusted by the sight, which said a lot.

"What the? We were having lunch here, Jiraiya!"

"Need your help, pa and ma! Look who made the return here" the elder toads did not make a single statement as they landed into Jiraiya's shoulders, helped him in the perfect and mobile sage mode.

"Damn it!" the Jinchuuriki without tail gritted his teeth. Last thing he wanted was Jiraiya in the Sage mode. "Samehada, come on boy! We can do this."

The sword, instead of coming into call, looked at both its masters, looked bewildered.

"Hohoho! I guess it already liked me more than you! Samehada, come here!" Jiraiya called it, only to got the same response.

"What are you waiting for, Samehada! We're about to fight here!"

"Shizune, do you think..."

"Yeah, I think the sword's now conflicted between Jiraiya's tasty natural chakra and Hoshigaki's massive amount of chakra."

"Come on! I can't believe you already forget about my chakra! I will last three times compared to this old pervert!" at that reminder, the sword started to slithering at Kisame, since it could not trust Jiraiya have sufficient chakra everytime he wants.

"Samehada! I might not have as much chakra as Kisame, but my natural chakra's pure! You can eat my super delicious chakra as much as you want to!" remembering Kisame's chakra tasted foul whenever the man's poisoned, the sword slithered back to Jiraiya.

"You also like the taste of fish! Don't you remember your masters from the Sakana clan?"

"I also have mastered many jutsu from toad clan summons! If you want a bit more variety, I can provide you some chakra from the toad summons or the Esophagus."

The sword ended up being very conflicted. True, Kisame's his best master for a long time, but even without the natural chakra it actually liked the chakra from Jiraiya. And on the short burst it was with the toad summoner on Sage mode it liked Jiraiya's taste a bit more, and the lure of also able to suck the chakra from the toad summons sounded enticing. However as Kisame said his chakra's still bigger than Jiraiya on Sage Mode, and Jiraiya would prefer to seal it instead of just bandaging it. Sure it was more peaceful in a seal dimension, but it also got too quiet at times.

"Samehada!"

"Samehada!"

The next thing everyone know (except Naruto who could barely listen and see anything on the surface), Samehada extended its spikes to the possible largest size, and launched itself on both its master. And then, everything turned bright.

"Did I miss any-HOLY RAMEN GOD! WHAT THE HELL AM I LOOKING AT?!"

"Ah, welcome home Tsunade! You are just as beautiful as ever," Sarutobi Hiruzen greeted his student.

"You should've seen her a week ago! She looked as old as-"

"Ahaha!" Tsunade clamped the mouth of the blonde Jinchuuriki. "Yes, I am, Sarutobi-sensei. Now, what should we do first. My marriage, or the ceremony for Hokage?"

"Marriage?" Sarutobi begged for an explanation, intrigued.

"I, uh...decided that I can tolerate Jiraiya a little," everybody stared at Tsunade as if she just grew a head. Orochimaru's head, to boot.

"Wow. I...never thought it would actually happen. Now, where's the happy male bride? Begging about it to our fellow shinobi force? Contacting people for the wedding? Trying to peek at public bath for the last time? Trying to make a written explanations to why half of his connections are call girls and madam?"

"What the-uh, actually, we have another issue. Sensei, do you happen to learn anything about sealing from that Minato-brat?" said the woman as someone entered the room. And oh boy, it terrified everyone.

A person looked like Jiraiya...well, as much as you could call it a human being. This Jiraiya, he had several shark-like appearance, such as grills in his neck. However his eyes were shaped like a toad, and most disturbingly...he also jumped around like a toad.

"What...happened to you?"

"Samehada got greedy! It can't decide between my sage chakra or Kisame's raw power, so it decided to fuse us by some kind of jutsu! And worst of all my clone jutsu spawned Kisame instead of me. And the shark's sentient!" Jiraiya did the seals for Shadow Clone, and just like he said, a mostly unchanged Kisame appeared instead.

"Bastard! I'll take over your bo-" Jiraiya stopped the sentient clone by punched it on the nose.

"And that's why we have to fix it. I...don't want to be known as Kage who's married with a fish. And Jiraiya certainly doesn't like it."

"Understated as hell, my princess. Not to mention my duty will be hampered with inability to summon any clone."

"I'll...see what I can do. In the meantime Tsunade, we have several citizens and shinobis waiting your healing touch. You can work on me and Kakashi first; we're suffering from severe migraines, to the point Kakashi couldn't stay awake for more than two hours," Third Hokage ordered her student.

"Fine then, sensei."

"Oh, and Tsunade, you're currently just a Vice Hokage," Sarutobi informed.

"...Eh?"

"To summarize it, you're not a full Hokage right now, but I bestow you the power of Hokage in several sections, medical infantry included. This is to ensure that you can recover from your rusts after years of inactivity."

"Oh, so I'm like a Hokage in training? I'm sold. I don't want to do too much of this duty so soon anyway."

"Thank you for accepting my reasons," The Third bowed to one of her student before he whispered to his now freakish other student. "And hopefully you can access Senju's financial savings to pay her gambling debts before something like a Pachinko company dragged our village to Fire Lord's court."

"I heard that old man!"

Sometimes later, after Tsunade's coronation...

"Naruto, you got promoted into Chuunin. Why are you still pouting?" Sakura asked.

"Jiji put me in some kind of special condition bull, Sakura-chan. I am a Chuunin, but I'm monitored for another six months before I can claim I can lead a team. This means the only benefit for now is the cool vest and access to B-rank missions. All because my fights looked stupid..."

"Naruto, you got a... morning wood in your match with Neji, you failed to notice him fainted, and you throw stink bombs at Kiba. While people are not going to question the strength of a boy who can summon toads that big, of course people are going to question your maturity!" Sakura voiced her agreement to the special conditions.

"Hey, I can be quiet mature and considerate! When Gai-sensei rambled about youth, I managed to filter all the nonsense and I ended up thinking about his fashion advice seriously!"

Sakura stared at her teammate for like eternity and ended up so speechless she only shook her head, leaving Naruto to wonder if he said anything wrong.

"Excuse me, you two!"

"Hey! It's the girl that got beaten by Saabaku sister to a pulp!"

Tenten pouted at the harsh reminder. "Thank you for reminding me of that bad memory. You two are Uchiha's teammates, correct?"

"That's right."

"Well, I don't want to make it strange, but is Sasuke always so...detached whenever he's focused? We invited him to test Hatake-sensei's new weapon, and he ended up being far less approachable than usual. Like he won't even listen to anything we said. And after the test ended he just...wandering somewhere."

"Well he once nearly choked on his own food on rigorous training, so maybe it's just him taking himself too seriously. But yes, we'll see if there's anything wrong about him."

"Hey. Does that means I have to wait for a while to show Sasuke the jacket? I don't want to get him even more constipated than usual," Naruto asked.

"I think so. I'm surprised they didn't promote Uchiha-san, by the way. I overheard the instructors talking about how his skill is already very high and refined, like more than necessary for Chuunin."

"Maybe it's because of the stamina thing? He got exhausted by chidori after several usages while I still able to fight after summoning the toads," Naruto tried to give an answer as he put his Chuunin jacket into a scroll. Tenten and Sakura did not know how true it was, so they just walked to the Uchiha's prefecture.

After they arrived, both Naruto and Sakura could tell something was really wrong with their teammate. The Uchiha's Avenger was emitting aura that even colder than usual, and most of all it's almost with hostile intent. Sasuke could act incredibly rude, but never they witnessed him using his killing intent for no reason.

"Ah, Naruto," Sasuke finally addressed one of them. "How does it feel to improved so much?"

The three of them hesitated to even answered the raven-haired boy; even Tenten followed the weaker Sakura and clinged on Naruto. Nevertheless, one of them had to answer. "W-what do you mean?"

"Look at you. From the worst student in our class into a reliable genin. Your life quality have improved so much since we graduated, like how now there's two girls clinging on you."

The blonde ninja would've been grinning like an idiot had Tenten and Sakura didn't push him to the ground out of embarrassment. "Ouch! Do you have to point it out?"

"I see that you truly enjoyed their companion a little too much," the raven-haired genin grinned, which made Naruto flustered.

"Well, I...what are you on to anyway?"

The grin disappeared, as Sasuke's eyes became colder. His sharingan reappeared, and the three could sense his hostile intent. "A diminishing return. You have improved a metric ton, as I pointed out. Meanwhile myself...well pardon my language, but this village barely did shit to me."

The two girls gasped at Sasuke's words, and Naruto ended up being furious for it. "Are you crazy? After Kakashi-sensei taught you Chidori and refined your taijutsu, you still thought like that? How dare you, you..."

"Are you sure? I believe your rasengan is stronger than chidori. Sure you got it from Jiraiya, but Kakashi-sensei promised to give it to you anyway."

"Sasuke-kun, stop this nonsense! Sensei have said that even C-class jutsu can help you here and there. So what if chidori is a little weaker than rasengan? It's still a one-shot kill jutsu that can kill almost anything in instant! You still mastered a great A-rank jutsu!"

"And how about raikiri? You can ask sensei to improve your chidori into raikiri, he promised all three of us to train us you know!"

None of Sasuke's hostile intent subsided, in spite of his friends' reasoning. He instead said, "Naruto."

"What, you bastard?"

"Fight me. Chidori vs Raikiri. Then we can see if this village actually worth a damn."

"Girls, you look for Kakashi-sensei while I placate duckbutt a little here."

"You sure you can handle Sasuke, Naruto? He learned Gai-sensei's moves from Kakashi, even I don't know if I can stop him."

"Eh, don't worry, if it come to best of our jutsu, I have more than one in my sleeve."

"Ah, my father's tanto. Finally I can use this sabre again."

"Yeah. Sorry for taking a little longer than four weeks, but between exams and invasion, I ended up taking several days break just to fix my store. Congratulations on your student's promotion, anyway," Kang explained to me.

"Nah, it's fine. Kinda funny that Naruto got promoted to Chuunin first, with caveats but still. They only put Sasuke on highly recommended list, although he was impressive enough that the only improvements need to be made is his stamina and, uh, state of mind."

"State of mind? I thought the village will be interested in guiding him in his revenge," ups. I thought he won't ask too much.

"Not when we found some troubles from his mindset. Someone who got everyone in his clan killed in one night won't be that stable, you know."

"Ah, I see."

"Hatake-sensei! Hatake-sensei!"

"Tenten?" What did she wants from me out of nowhere?

"You need to go to the Uchiha district. Uchiha-san's going mad! He wants to test what's stronger, Naruto's Rasengan or his Chidori!"

"What?!" it still happened? Everything I did and they still going to clash?! "If both of those jutsu meet each others, it will destroy everything in its wake!"

"Me, Naruto and Sakura tried to talk him out of it, but Sasuke don't want to listen to any words we say! Naruto had to engulge to him a little! We need to go before Uchiha-san demanded Naruto to use rasengan on him."

"Damn it. Let's go, then."

Much to my horror, what Tenten said was right. Naruto and Sasuke were going to clash with their best jutsu, and Sakura impotently screamed at them to stop. Shit shit SHIT! Why's this still happening?!

Oops. I nearly missed their arms. Thankfully I still managed to avoid the rasengan and chidori turned into mini nuke.

And that bastard Sasuke smirked because the hole he caused's a tad bigger. Dickhead.

"Enjoy winning the dick measuring contest, Sasuke?" I sneered, barely able to contain my anger.

"I'm satisfied by my superiority."

"And I'm disappointed by this lacks of maturity. It may take a long time before you become a Chuunin despite your prowess if you keep trying to do this."

"Whatever," Sasuke said as he walked away from me. That asshole-

"I'm not finished talking to you. You wait around here while I'm addressing Naruto," he barely nodded as he walked around the compound. "How did you handle it, Naruto?"

"I tried to goad him into pure fist-fight, but that bastard knew my brawling style's nowhere near as good as any taijutsu he learned. Trying to talk about going to summoning animals trip together, but he just won't listen! Sasuke was really a goddamn bullheaded prick!"

"The last time I meet Sasuke some weeks ago, he was much more reasonable. I'll see what's wrong with him," I reassured. It was then when we heard Sasuke cursed on the other side of the compound. "I guess he found out that rasengan have piercing element and can cause a smaller hole. You guys better get going before Sasuke exploded again."

"I am disappointed in your lack of judgement, Uchiha Sasuke."

"Tch," the boy sneered as he nursed his bruised left fist.

"But most of all, I am angry at you for completely neglecting what we talked."

"Why's Itachi chasing Naruto? Why not me?"

"So you want several very dangerous criminal chasing you? Good lord, you're dumb," wait a minute...haven't we talk about this before?

"Is it so hard to understand? You gave me nothing but Chidori, something that Naruto have surpassed with his rasengan! Why are you holding me back, Hatake?"

I decided to not answer that despite knowing the boy somehow forgotten my summoning contract promise, instead I went to inspecting the boy's seal. And just like I feared, that damned seal returned again. This time with several additions. "Your cursed seal! Why's it broken again?"

"Does it even matter?"

"Of course it matter! This seal can corrupt your mind and sanity! I have to ask Jiraiya to reseal this."

"You won't deny my new power!"

I pinched his neck in several spots to paralyze him.

Damn it. Was it really going to happen again?

"I'm glad you come here as fast as you can, Kakashi. I just about trying to learn how to unseal myself from Kisame, and it will take weeks."

"Found anything yet?"

"Yes. It turned out that Orochimaru did learn about other seals after all. He managed to hid a secondary seal, and what a smart thing to do from him. This one's not just capable of seducing him with promises of power, but also corrupt his mind by amplifying whatever negative thought he have, while silencing any rationalization that could minimize these hateful thought," Jiraiya explained.

"So if we're late, Sasuke's going to be turned into some kind of irrational edgelord who hates everyone that have something he doesn't have?"

Jiraiya's toadish eyes blinked. "That's...a way to put it. But yes, he's going to be turned into one-dimensional and irritatingly stubborn mule, and at that point he's going to the easy way: Orochimaru's. And there's no way we're going to pump him with whatever crazy experiment that Orochimaru has."

"Is there anything we can do here?"

"Well, I'm thinking about isolating any positive and neutral thoughts in his mind, and put Sasuke into a several weeks coma until the thoughts are strong enough to fight the mad thoughts."

I blinked. Several times. And I blinked again when I realized Jiraiya's being serious. "You're going to...turn Sasuke into someone with multiple personality?"

"It's that, or Sasuke become this edgelord thing. And it's not like we're releasing him to population."

I sighed. The situation's really dire. "Do what you can, Jiraiya-san."

Several weeks later...

"Okay, guys! Orochimaru's goons just captured Sasuke and hurt Sakura and Shizune in the process. Since we're really spread thin, there's nothing we can do except sending a team with five genin and two new Chuunin, and one of them is forbidden to do any leading job."

"Hey! I'll get through the maturing part of the job soon, Sensei! And believe it, dammit!" The rest of the squad, which's basically the original retrieval squad with Tenten and Haku.

"Not the time for that, Naruto. Anyway, depending on our luck, according to Kiba's sense of smell, you guys are going on the similar direction with my mission. So in case you can't beat them, stall these Sound Nin assholes until I can get back to you. Use the scroll I gave to you to pinpoint your location; I'll assist you as soon as possible."

"What kind of mission are you on, sensei?"

"I'm searching for several missing Konoha ninja that have been missing for years," aka the surviving Uchiha clan members. Turned out Itachi used the lacks of Kisame around to send messages to his clan that Konoha's ready to accept them back. "We need everyone to rebuild the village after the attack."

"I understand, Sensei, so is that all?"

"Yes, that will be all," everyone in the squad nodded, and they went to the direction of Sound village.

Man, I just hope it won't go like the original...

"Orochimaru-sama?"

"Yes, Kabuto-kun?"

"I believe I just found the flaw of your negative personality seal."

"What is it?"

"Well, this seal not just amplified his hate and everything, it also can mutate his own personality."

"And that means?" Orochimaru asked, intrigued.

"For our case, Sasuke's pride will be twisted into pompous arrogance of unprecedented level, which means it will be a monumental task just to make him stay. He's also going to be...a pain in the ass, pardon my language."

"Oh, it cannot be that bad-"

"Sir." Kabuto interrupted as he accessed several folders in the mainframe computer. "This is how Kimimaro would act if you put the seal into him according to my simulation."

The computer showed how it ended for Kimimaro: either the bone user become so subservient he didn't go to bathroom when ordered to stay, or tried to kill his master because he ended up underestimating even Orochimaru himself.

"...Kabuto-kun?"

"Yes?"

"Let's...remind each others that we really need his body unharmed."

A/N: Okay, so this is the latest chapter. Sorry for making you guys waiting, but I have to learn how to schedule everything with my job, which turned out to have me walk everywhere so much. It also doesn't help that I don't work in a cubicle, so there's no privacy in office.

Also yes, De-yuranto is parody of Kevin Durant, right down to his unbelievable skills and being, you know, a snake. I actually like Durant, but he is way too thin-skinned at times. Like who on earth was crazy enough to personally created his own burner accounts just to fight trolls?. And frankly, I know the joke's a little bit too late, but I can't get it out of my head.