Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling. I make no claims to ownership.

Note: Um… I was sort of dared to write a crack plot, but my sense of humor errs more toward sarcasm, so this is the result. I give you the typical Next-Gen story but with a twist. Enjoy!

Jase Potter liked to wear boxers instead of briefs.

Hattie Creevey found this fascinating. Lowering the binoculars, she looked down at her diary and made another note. Her mother had taught her the merits of keeping a diary, but also warned against one that could think for itself. To Hattie's relief, she hadn't experienced something like that, although she almost wished she had. Then Jase Potter could rescue her, like his father did for her mother, and later on he would realize he actually loved her and they would have a happy, married life with three children.

The other day Hattie's cousin, Louis, had called her a stalker, but she didn't think this was a legitimate accusation. Sure, she liked to watch Jase, but so did Albus. In fact, together she and her brother had compiled quite a big record for every member of the Potter family. Her Uncle Colin would be proud of the work they had continued in his name.

Hattie raised the binoculars again, but to her disappointment, Jase wasn't close enough for her to see the color of his eyes.

"We should get closer," suggested Albus.

"Okay," Hattie agreed.

As they crawled through the bushes, Hattie heard Jase's barking laughter echoing around the park. She wondered if there was a way to bottle up his laughter so she could listen to it every day.

"It's not funny!" her cousin Hugo insisted.

"It so is and you know it," said Rose, also chuckling. "Look, even Lily's laughing."

"I'm not, Hugo, I swear I'm not," Lily said a bit too quickly.

Hattie peered through the branches to see the Potter family's dog gamboling around Hugo as he picked himself up out of the mud. He wore a look of such indignation that even she had to bite back a smile. Scowling, he picked up the ball and threw it as hard as he could, but the dog didn't even pay attention to him.

"Ouch!" Albus cried out.

She swung around to look at her brother. He was holding his forehead which was bright red, and she was fairly certain he would develop a welt from the dog toy that had collided with his head.

"What was that?"

Hattie grabbed onto her brother as she heard Jase's voice. Since her own sorting when she'd seen Jase Potter, she'd been unable to think or talk about anyone else. Unfortunately, the Hat refused her demand to sort her into Slytherin with Jase, but she'd still admired him from afar, hoping one day he would notice her.

"Do I look okay?" she whispered to Albus.

He picked a twig out of her hair. "There, now you're good."

"Jase!" Hattie leaped up with a grin. "I'm so glad we ran into you. We were just walking through –"

"You mean you're stalking again," Rose interrupted, her nose wrinkling. "Is that Albus with you?"

Albus emerged from the bushes, utterly careless that he looked a mess. Hattie resented him for making her look bad in front of Jase, who was shifting from foot to foot and casting unreadable glances to Rose. Behind him, both Lily and Hugo had moved in front of Edgar, the youngest Potter. Hattie found this a bit odd since Hugo and Edgar were the same age. In fact, according to the information she and Albus had gathered, Edgar was about six months older than Hugo.

"What do you want?" demanded Hugo.

Hattie glared at her younger cousin, but before she could say anything, Albus intervened.

"Hi, I'm Albus Creevey," he said brightly, holding his hand out to Jase. "I don't think we've ever met before."

The Potter family was extremely reclusive. Even when there was a reunion of the Dumbledore's Army members, none of the Potter children were seen. Until the day the Potter family sent Teddy Lupin to Hogwarts for the first time, very few people knew what the children even looked like. The only reason Hattie knew was because she'd seen pictures of them with her cousins.

Jase slowly reached out to shake Albus' hand. "Jase Potter," he returned. "Is your uncle Colin Creevey? My dad's told me about him."

Albus straightened with pride. "Yeah. I want to be just like him one day."

There was a long pause before Jase said, "Cool."

Hattie ran a hand through her hair, and the motion drew their attention back to her. Jase's gaze made her flush and she momentarily forgot what she was going to say. At Albus' nudge, though, she cleared her throat and held out her own hand, aching to feel Jase's touch.

"I'm Harriet, but you can call me Hattie."

Rose snorted loudly.

Jase quickly shook Hattie's hand and then stepped away, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Er, nice to meet you both," he said. "Over there are my brother and sister, Edgar and Lily."

"I know," said Hattie.

"We're both in Gryffindor, Jase," Lily said somewhat wryly. "She's the one who wants your autograph."

His face turned ashen.

"Er, can we have that autograph?" asked Albus.

"I have some paper you can use," Hattie said eagerly, opening her notebook.

She turned the notebook around and offered it to Jase, holding her breath as she waited for him to take it. At last he did, and Albus procured a quill for him to use, since she'd forgotten that essential item for a signature. Jase quickly scrawled his name and then handed the notebook back to her. Hattie looked at the name reverently, wondering what the 'S' stood for. She decided to ask about it.

"Severus," answered Lily. "Jase's full name is James Severus Potter."

Albus' eyes widened. "Really?" He snatched the notebook from Hattie and made a note of it, which made Rose roll her eyes.

"No, not really," said Hugo snidely.

"It's Sirius," Edgar said quietly, speaking for the first time. "Dad doesn't like Snape."

Lily let out a quick, disgusted snort. "No one likes Snape," she said derisively. "He was an abusive jerk who let children be tortured. I can't believe Dad even let the portrait be hung."

"Supposedly Snape protected the students," Rose pointed out.

"Right. Professor Longbottom said that happened once, and they were sent to the Forbidden Forest, which, you know, is forbidden for a reason."

Edgar nodded in agreement. "Dad said it's not safe even if Uncle Hagrid is with us."

Rose shrugged. "Uncle Harry likes to forgive people. Fortunately he's logical enough not to name his son after a Neo-Nazi."

"I think that's Mum's influence," said Jase. "She puts the sense in sensible."

Hattie's gaze ping-ponged between them, wishing she could have such an easy camaraderie with the Potter family. Although her mother and Mr. Potter had remained friends, their two families had never interacted. Hattie's mother claimed it was a bit too awkward.

"Can we get a picture, too?" asked Hattie.

"Er…"

"Just do it," Rose advised Jase.

He let out a gusty sigh. "Fine. But only one, okay?"

"Okay," Hattie chirped, handing her binoculars to Albus. "Here, first me with Jase, and then all of us together."

Albus' eyes gleamed, sharing in her excitement. Snaking her arm around Jase's waist, Hattie grinned widely as Albus raised the camera.

Then Albus was shoved forward as the dog collided with the back of his legs. He went sprawling, but unfortunately this area of the ground wasn't muddy, so he fell hard and let out a harsh hiss of pain as his hands scraped on the loose gravel. Hattie gasped and hurried to his side.

"Albie! Are you okay?"

He rolled onto his back and she helped him sit up without touching his bloody hands. She then tugged at the bottom of his shirt, hoping to tear off a piece to use as bandages, but the material refused to be torn.

"Maybe we should go to Grimmauld Place and clean him up," Rose suggested, sharing a look with Lily, who sighed and nodded. "It's not far from here."

Hattie looked up at them. "Thank you," she breathed.

Despite the fairly recent rain, the weather was pleasant, and Hattie enjoyed the walk to the Potter's house. The neighborhood wasn't the best, which was probably why her parents had forbidden her and Albus from coming here, but Hattie felt safe with Jase there to protect them. He walked at the back of the group, holding a long leash which connected to the black dog's collar. The dog trotted ahead of them, and Hattie blinked when it suddenly disappeared.

"Where'd it go?" asked Albus, voicing aloud the same question she was thinking.

"Don't worry, there's no Fidelius Charm," said Jase. "The house is just hidden by a whole bunch of enchantments the Blacks put on it."

That explained why Hattie and Albus had never been able to find the house despite their mother remembering the address.

Hattie startled when Lily took her hand and guided her forward. Then she gaped as Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place appeared in front of her. The house didn't look nearly as decrepit as her mother had described nor as gloomy. On entering the house, Hattie saw that it was decorated with a mixture of brown, green, and red. The scheme was a nod to the three Houses claimed by the Potter family: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin.

"I don't know where we keep the first-aid kit," Lily murmured to Jase, who frowned.

"I think Dad has one in his office. We can check there first."

They all trooped upstairs after him to the office, where Jase opened a cupboard and began sifting through what looked like Auror supplies. While he looked for the kit, Hattie examined the pictures that were displayed on the desk. All three of the Potter children looked quite a bit like their parents, but with enough differences that none of them were clones.

"What's this?" asked Albus as he pointed to a disc. "It looks like the fidget spinners Dad got us."

"Don't touch Dad's stuff," snapped Lily.

It was too late, though. Albus had tried to pick up the disc, but immediately dropped it when the movement agitated his wounds. The disc fell to the floor, unharmed but with a few drops of blood on it. Edgar bent to pick it up, only to fall back with a cry and try to shield his eyes from the blinding light that suddenly emitted from the disk.

All Sirius Black had wanted was to see if there was any liquor hidden in his father's office. Instead he entered it to find several children picking themselves up off the floor. With instincts honed by the war, he dodged behind the door and peeked around the corner to watch them.

For a moment, he stopped breathing. Though the boy was a bit shorter than Harry, Sirius would recognize that messy black hair anywhere.

"Jase," whispered a girl whose dark auburn hair was a combination of a deep golden red and rich, warm brown. "Jase, where are we?"

The boy turned to look at her and then at another boy, who, like him, had untidy hair, but a chestnut brown color instead. "Ned, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," the younger boy replied as he lowered his hands from covering his eyes, blinking rapidly.

Both the younger boy and the girl had green eyes that Sirius knew well, and that was how everything fell into place for him. Unless this was a trick by Voldemort, these children were either from an alternate dimension or the future.

Sirius did not want to be the one to tell Moody about them.

The kitchen was entirely silent, and Jase shifted uncomfortably on his feet, his gaze swinging between a gaunt man with scraggly black hair and another one with sandy brown hair liberally streaked with gray. They both stared back at him, and when Jase unconsciously moved in front of his brother and sister, Lupin's lips twitched into the slightest of smiles.

"So…" began a young woman with bright pink hair and dark eyes. "You're from the future?"

"Yes," answered Rose. Even though she was the same age as Lily and Hattie, and a year younger than Jase, she was like her mother in that she tended to take control of any situation. "But I don't think it's safe to tell you any more than that."

Sirius leaned forward. "What about your names? It's fairly obvious you're all Potters and Weasleys."

Jase, Rose, and Lily shared a look. At Rose's nod, Jase blew out a long breath and stepped forward.

"Right, what do you want to know?"

"Name, age, and House," Sirius replied immediately.

A heaviness settled in Jase's stomach. He was unable to see a positive outcome for when he announced his House.

"Er, okay. I'm Jase Potter – Jase is short for James Sirius, and I'm thirteen. And…" He had to believe that everything would be all right. Exhaling while looking away from them, he said, "Don't panic, but… I'm in Slytherin."

Once again, the kitchen was silent.

"Huh," said Tonks. "That's… unexpected."

Holding his breath, Jase looked back toward her, Sirius, and Lupin. Sirius' lips were pressed together in a slight grimace and Lupin seemed to be struggling on the verge of speech, yet unable to find the right words.

"It's totally cool," Tonks added. "My mum was in Slytherin, too."

Jase gave her a wavering smile. "Yeah, Dad blames my sorting on her influence." He paused, wondering if he could reveal his mother or not, and decided it would come out anyway when Edgar introduced himself. "And my grandmother, Maria. She was a Slytherin, too."

Sirius now wore a pensive expression, and Lupin had shifted so that he was holding his elbow while the other hand rested as a fist against his mouth.

"My turn," Hattie announced, displaying a wide grin. "I'm Hattie Creevey – or Harriet, named after Harry Potter, of course – and I'm a second-year Gryffindor."

Lupin's face became suspiciously blank, but the family resemblance came out in Sirius and Tonks from their identical shocked but amused expressions.

"Your mother's Ginny, then?" Lupin asked carefully.

"Uh-huh." Hattie nodded her head so hard that her hair flew into her eyes, and she had to brush it out from behind her glasses.

"And our dad's Dennis," Albus added. "I'm Albus, by the way. Fourteen and in Gryffindor."

"And I thought Nymphadora was a bad name," muttered Tonks. "Couldn't your parents have picked someone else to honor?"

"I recall teaching a Colin Creevey," Lupin said thoughtfully.

"He's my uncle," Albus explained, "and dead."

For a moment, the only sound in the room was a groan from Rose.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Well, there's a better name than Albus."

"Dumbledore was a good man!" cried Hattie. "Without Dumbledore and Mr. Potter, the war would never have been won."

"I find it creepier that Hattie is named after Aunt Ginny's ex-boyfriend," said Hugo, making Tonks cover her mouth to contain her snort of surprised laughter. "I'm Hugo Weasley, but I'm not in Hogwarts yet."

"But what House are you planning on?" asked Sirius.

Hugo shrugged. "Wherever Edgar goes, I guess."

"That's me," said Edgar, not meeting anyone's gaze as he spoke. "Edgar Potter. Edgar Rubeus Potter."

Sirius pumped his fist into the air. "It is a Bones that Harry marries! Good man, Edgar," he said, making Edgar finally look up and smile a little. "I thought I recognized Maria's name. He talked about her and his brother sometimes."

Beside Sirius, Lupin nodded in agreement, although Tonks looked confused at the names. Jase realized she was too young to have ever met Edgar Bones, who was killed along with his family in the First War. Still, he was pleased for his brother's sake. Their grandparents had told them a little bit about the family, but Sirius and Lupin had actually fought beside their uncle and would be able to tell Edgar more about him.

Lily stepped forward. "I'm Lily Amelia Potter, and I'm twelve and in Gryffindor, too."

"As am I," Rose added. "I mean, my name is Rose Weasley, and I'm unfortunately related to them."

When she jerked her thumb in the direction of the Creevey siblings, Hattie scowled, but Albus seemed unaware of the insult.

Tonks looked to be positively elated by this turn of events. "This is going to be the best Christmas present ever," she claimed before adding as Lupin opened his mouth, "No, Remus, I don't care that it's not even close to Christmas."