We All Have Secrets

AU . Post 3x16. Sarah and Connor connect in the most unexpected way as he treats her father. Season four and five alternative version with all Rheese twists. Now continuing my stories timeline.

A/N: Hey all! Okay, so I've been delaying sitting down and writing the ending of this story because I have mixed feelings, but I figured I'd post it today on its two year anniversary, there's not much else to say but thank you for everyone supporting it, reviewing, following and simply being amazing. Special thanks to Eilis for the help grammar wise and to flyintherightdirection for being my partner in crime all things Rheese and for helping out when I was doubting myself as a writer, you're the best!

Since this chapter turned out to be too long, I've decided to split it into two parts.

Here's part One: On to the story then, stay safe guys and thanks so much!

He'd been hiding out and soon would be found, either by Sarah or one of the kids, but he just needed a minute to himself, he'd come home for the first time that year, well, Chicago wasn't his home anymore, but it had been once upon a time, as a child, as a teenager and then again when he'd joined Med, met Sarah, had a baby and then left it once more, only to come back to it a few times a year.

No matter how hard he had tried to leave it though, Chicago would always call him back and now it came bearing uncertainty, his father was dying, and his doctor brain knew he needed to be admitted into Med, but his sister, Katie, and even Sarah had fought him on it because his father had insisted he wanted to be at home, but it made Connor so uneasy , the idea of him dying in the house, more so with the kids around.

His kids, the light in the darkness of this entire thing. "Connor, honey?" It was Katie, she'd found him, there in his mother's garden. "What's wrong?"

"Everything." Katie smiled at him. "He needs to go to a hospital Katie." She took a seat next to him on the bench, her arms crossed across her chest.

"Is that the son or the doctor in you talking?"

"Both." He said quickly. Katie understood where he was coming from, he'd been the one to see Elizabeth sick, the day before she had been taken to the hospital to die. "Mom was worse than he was and she still died in the hospital." Connor's voice was low but Katie could hear the pain that was there.

"I know, but your father refuses and you know how stubborn he is." Katie said softly, a hand to his own. "I've known him my entire life Connor, known you yours, and if there's something I can say about the both of you is that, you are in a constant fight with yourselves. Your father more so now that he is so sick, so it's up to you to decide what you think is best."

Connor looked at her. "I'm having a bus take him to Med. I don't want my children to have to see him be this sick and dying in the house to be the last thing they remember about him."

Katie let out a sigh but nodded. "It's your choice and your sister's. You both need to make it together Connor."

He'd agreed with her, because she was right.

For the first time in his life Connor felt like he was pulling rank over his sister and he didn't like it one bit. "You haven't been here every day Connor, I have…" Claire looked at him like she couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. Sarah and Eric stood there between the siblings like they were about to keep them from sparring with each other. "Claire, maybe we should listen to Connor, he's the doctor." Eric hated the look Claire had given him, it felt like he was betraying her, but somehow, she knew he was right.

"Sarah? You are a doctor too, what do you think?" Claire asked, playing the same card she'd been dealt with.

"Well, I don't have the same time working with cardiac patients as Connor, but maybe it's something we should consider." She offered. "Med has that new VIP wing; we could make sure he has everything he needs just as if he was at home."

"Except he won't be home, surrounded by the kids and all the people that matter most to him."

"The kids could visit." Eric offered. "But it's not the same as them having to see him in that bed all day, with a mask on."

"No, because having hooked up to machines would be better." Claire shot back.

"Kids are resilient Claire; they'll learn to deal with it in their own way." Sarah said. "Your Dad can no longer make these decisions, but you can…"

"What is the one thing you would have wanted people to do for Mom Claire?" Connor had taken a step closer to his sister now, his eyes were begging and bright. "I became a doctor because I had always wondered what would have happened if they had tried harder to give her a chance and maybe Dad doesn't have that anymore, but he still can get the best care there is and if its family you want there, I won't leave his side." Claire looked at him and Connor would have sworn it was his mother glancing back at him. "I promise."

"Fine, but we're still talking to him about it." She told him, then looking at Sarah and Eric too, she left the room with a loud clicking of her shoes.

Once she was gone, Sarah moved to his side, her hand to his cheek and Connor felt like he had just failed his sister, like when he had ran away from home to Mexico.

"Will said he can have everything ready by tomorrow." Connor told Sarah that night as they got ready for bed. "We'll talk about it in the morning and have him there by late afternoon."

"Good, that's good." Sarah was snuggling Jake in her arms as she watched Connor put on a shirt and slip into bed beside her.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just…" Sarah held her tongue. "Nothing, I just hope this is the right decision, that's all."

"It was you who said we should talk to Claire and when she's finally agreeing you don't think it's a good idea?"

"No, not exactly, my brain is telling me this is the right call, but then my heart feels like we should leave things as they are." She admitted. Connor stared at her. In the last decade, Cornelius and Sarah had become close, something not in a million years did he think could happen and yet, she felt a special bond with the man.

Sarah gave him an apologetic glance. "Well now I feel like crap. Again." He said, looking at Jake as if he held the right answer in his bright blue eyes.

Because right that second, Connor prayed he could find another solution. One that would not make all of them feel like they were betraying Cornelius.

His father was too out of it when they explained what would happen to him, it was like he was there, he tried to argue with them, even if it was only with his eyes and slurring of words and because the latest stroke had him merely nodding or using his hands to communicate as a last resort too. It was a losing battle, even if he wanted to argue and it made Connor feel even worse.

But he kept telling himself, this was the right call. He walked into Med right after the gurney carrying his father, which had gone up right way. Will, Natalie, Ethan, Maggie and April all looked at him. "Look at that face, what does it seem familiar?"

"The mighty Rhodes has returned." Natalie smiled and quickly wrapped him in a hug. "Good to see you Connor."

"I'm sorry it isn't under better circumstances." Ethan added in shaking his hand and pulling him into a brief hug.

"Where's Reese?" Will asked.

"She's coming later with my sister. I insisted on wanting to ride with him here."

"You are doing the right thing Dr. Rhodes." Maggie, who'd never not called him Dr. Rhodes and it was sort of like their thing.

"Well, whenever you are ready to go up man." Connor had seen Monique and a few other nurses wheel his father in, along with Terry McNeal who was now an attending. He'd taken the torch from Connor, even though their time and friendship had been brief at Med, he'd taken it upon himself to keep in touch with the kid, not much a kid anymore now, but someone he'd taught and was proud of, like him and Robert Downey.

"Dr. Rhodes…" It was Monique who first greeted him when he had gone up with Will and Maggie. "He's all set up, he's under my care for today so if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

"Thanks Monique, as always. How are you?"

"Good, good, keeping busy but I take it Sarah told you about me getting married in October? I'd love for the two of you to come."

"Of course. I doubt Sarah will let me forget it." He told her. "By the way, she's coming here with my sister and the kids probably, would you make sure they come right up?"

"You got it Dr. Rhodes, I'll let you know as soon as they get here." Monique said, allowing him into the room. The VIP wing seemed like something Gwen Garrett and Cornelius would have agreed on without hesitation. It had been one of the last things his father had been able to actually oversee at Med before he had been incapacitated. "Connor..." His father's voice was vague but he understood his name.

"I'm here Dad, you're okay." He pulled the chair closer, his father stared at him. "You are at Med, we agreed, remember?" Cornelius gave a nod. "You have the best team caring for you here Dad, trust me okay?"

He nodded again and Connor felt guilt wash over him once more. His father then fell asleep and Connor had a moment to be with his thoughts, this was the right choice, he'd never want his kids to go through what he had with his Mom.

He didn't know at what point he'd fallen asleep but it wasn't until he'd heard steps approaching the room. "I tried calling to let you know, Sarah and the kids are here." Monique told him, a smile to her face. "Is he comfortable enough?"

"Seems to be." Connor checked his stats again and sat up straight on the chair then turned to stand up. "Thanks Monique."

She nodded, a moment later, Sarah, Lizzie, Claire and Finn walked into the room. "Hey, how's he doing?"

"Good, he's been sleeping for the most of it." Connor said after he'd given Sarah a quick kiss. He and Claire acknowledged each other as he explained his condition the best way he could to her and the kids.

"Does this mean he's going to have to stay here now?" Lizzie asked.

"Yeah Lizzie, he's getting the best care he can, by some of the best doctors out there, trust me." Sarah said to her, a hand to her shoulder. "They are close friends with me and uncle Connor.

"But we can come visit and spend time with him, right?"

"Of course, honey." Lizzie looked at Sarah and nodded, Finn had already taken Connor's place in the chair next to the bed.

"I thought he'd like this." He said, pushing a button on his iPad as music began to play quietly. "That's always playing in his office."

"That's a great idea baby." Sarah walked to stand next to Finn as both kids settled down on either side of their grandfather. Claire glanced at her father and then turned her attention to the window, the business of Med merging down below.

"Claire, look I know it might not seem like that right now, but..."

"Save it Connor, we both agreed, didn't we? What's done is done." She said to him, her eyes were kind but full of worry. It mirrored his own actually.

The days from there were quite slow, Sarah, Connor, Eric, Katie and Claire took turns to keep watch and be with Cornelius at all hours of the day, his condition had improved a bit since being admitted, but they all knew it was only a matter of time before they would see the downfall.

And they feared it. They had agreed on taking the kids in pairs to see him, Lizzie and Finn being the ones who insisted most on staying longer. Colin and Bobby, one of Claire's boys who were about the same age, had been the quiet ones, but they did spend time coloring and talking to Cornelius, even if he couldn't always answer back.

"Grandpa is getting a little tired buddy." Connor told Colin as the little boy asked if it was time for him to go to sleep, it was still daytime but it seemed to be all his grandpa wanted to do. "Let's just allow Monique to check on him, come here, let's go to the cafeteria, Bobby, come on little man."

Connor took both boys down, he needed to get out of the room, it wasn't like him to do that, but his emotions had been running high, especially seeing all the kids visiting and not being able to give them one bit of good news.

"Dr. Rhodes…" Terry McNeal smiled at him as he moved their way. "I was just going to check on your father. Oh, are these your boys?"

"Colin, and Bobby my nephew." Connor clarified, pointing at each boy. "My sister is up there in case you need anything."

Terry nodded. "Hey boys, what are you in the mood for huh? It's summer so they have this mean ice cream cone, I'd eat that one if I were you." He smiled, kneeling to face the boys.

"Are you the doctor who's helping grandpa get better?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah, that's me." Terry saw that the little boy was hesitant. "You're really worried about him huh, your grandpa?"

"Yeah, he's really sick and it makes my Mommy sad. She and my Daddy." Bobby said, Terry smiled at the little boy. "And Uncle Connor and Aunt Sarah, all of us, we just want grandpa to come home."

Terry shared a look with Connor and then looked at the boys, as if he was letting him know, like Connor had taught him, that as a doctor, you can't make any promises, but you are as sure as hell going to try anything to save your patient's life.

He'd taught him that.

Connor was alone that night in his father's room when Will came in. Cornelius was out like a light. "Hey man, just checking on you, do you want to grab dinner at the cafeteria? I know it's not fancy or anything like what you used to, but.."

"Shouldn't you be going home while you can instead of wasting your time on me?" Connor mused.

"Nah, I still have a few hours into my shift, but I could use a break, come on, I've kinda missed you Rhodes." Connor rolled his eyes at him, turning to watch his father's chest rise and fall.

"I've got it Dr. Rhodes, don't worry." Monique said as soon as Connor let her know he'd be gone. They reached the cafeteria.

"So, New York…"

"New York." Connor said, a coffee in his hand, his eyes were tired, his hair was messy and his posture stiff.

"How's it that going?"

"It's, different, New Amsterdam is certainly different from Gaffney, but it's good, we've improved the trauma center and ED in the last few years."

"Yeah, head of Trauma huh?"

"Had to make a career with what was left of me I guess." Connor said bitterly and without thinking. "No, sorry that's not…"

"It's okay man, if I was in your place, I'd still be pissed."

Connor sighed. "You know that Sarah went to see Haywood before he died, without telling me?"

"Ouch, you hadn't told me about that?"

"No one knows except for Max." Connor admitted. Will looked at him, his fingers playing with his own drink.

"Well, she had her reasons right, for not telling you? You are known to go full steam head into things."

"Much like you my friend." Connor mused.

"Yeah, well, that's not changed much but the kids, uh, and Nat, they make it easier somehow you know?"

"Yeah, I do." Connor said. "If it wasn't for Sarah and my kids, I might have lost it a long time ago." He stared down at the string in his wrist. A gift from Jamie last Christmas. Handmade.

"And how do you do it man? I have 3 kids and can barely manage. You have 5." Will mused, trying to lighten the mood.

Connor smiled. "Yeah, well, once you go from 3 to 5, they sort of raise themselves man, and speaking of that, how are the teenage years treating you?"

"Owen is a good kid, I have no complains, but when he decides to start dating, that's… I don't even know if I will be cheering him on or grounding him." They remained quiet for a moment. "And Finn? He's the one who's not exactly such a little kid anymore."

Connor raised his face, a hand across his stubble. "Yeah, he's… he's taking this pretty hard, my Dad being sick you know? They are so close, him and Lizzie, just I'm worried about them the most."

"Kids are resilient Connor, you of all people should know that." Will countered, echoing Sarah's words to Claire from days before. "He'll be okay."

"The question is, will I? Man, I've denied my father almost my entire life and now, I'm afraid of what that means for me, I wish I could have told him everything I never did, you know?"

"Well, he might not be the same man he was 10 years ago, but somewhere inside him your Dad is still there Connor, and he's still alive so you still have time."

Connor lingered by the door as he watched Sarah sit beside his father, Jake in her arms and Luke on the bed beside Cornelius, the babies had been the ones who had been around him less since he had arrived to the hospital. His father was the first one to spot him standing there and he took a step in. "How are you feeling today Dad?" Cornelius didn't respond, not with words exactly, Sarah moved the small foamy board with letters she'd made him. But today, he was too tired. Luke then called for his father's attention, he was 20 months old, a baby in his own right. He cuddled closer to his grandfather as Monique came in to check on his dose. "Best medicine there is, huh Mr. Rhodes?" She said, glancing to both babies and of course Sarah and Connor. The former surgeon shared a look with his wife. "And they all look like Dr. Rhodes, don't they?"

"Yeah, if I had not given birth to them, I'd doubt I'd had any part on it." Cornelius then looked at Connor again, his eyes opening slightly and he felt his heart constrict in his chest.

Sarah had found him in the kitchen, pitch dark, she'd woken up to feed Jake and his side of the bed had been empty, she held the baby monitor as she joined him at the table. "This can't continue babe; you need to sleep."

"I slept, for about an hour." Connor mused, a hand to his face, the other to the hot cocoa, Katie had left from a few hours before. "This is taking me back to residency but I don't think I'll be able to keep this going. I'm too old for it."

Sarah made a face. "You are not old."

"No, dear, I am." He mused. "You just look at me with too much love." Sarah stood up then, parted his arms and settled herself on his lap.

"You underestimate yourself." Sarah said, a hand to his cheek as Connor leaned into her touch, closing his eyes. They stayed in silence for a moment. "You want to talk about it?"

Connor's blue eyes shined in the dim light of the room. "I am just worried about Dad. It really, just takes me out of a curve to see him like this, so helpless, those words weren't two I'd use in a sentence where Cornelius was concerned."

"And you blame yourself still, don't you? For everything that happened between the two of you?"

Connor huffed. She knew him too well. "You still got it Dr. Reese."

"Good, I'd be worried if I didn't." She mused. He held her close to his body, it was so nice to have a quiet moment to themselves. "What are you thinking?"

"About how lucky I am to have what I have." Connor admitted. "Even though I feel like I haven't been all here these last few days." Sarah smiled, her arms around his neck.

"Hey, you are human, remember? You don't always have to be in control of everything. Trust me, I should know."

"No, I know, but I feel so out of touch with the kids, with you. And now I'm wondering if maybe that's what happened to my dad when Mom died."

"Oh Connor, I've come to actually love your Dad and you know that, but you're nowhere near to be like him, but yeah it does make sense that he maybe he pushed everyone away, especially you and Claire because you reminded him most of your Mom." They heard small steps in that moment.

"Mommy, Daddy?" It was Colin, he reminded Sarah mostly of herself as a child, but he could be just like Connor too at times. His messy long black hair and tired blue eyes made Sarah smile. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing baby, couldn't sleep either huh? Welcome to the club." Sarah said, standing up and picking the little boy up. "You want some milk? We should go back to sleep or we all will be so tired tomorrow."

"Okay." Colin said in a quiet voice as Sarah sat him on a chair but the little boy wanted nothing but to cuddle against Connor, and he relished on the feeling of his little boy's heart against his own.

"Here you go baby, let's get you back to bed, okay?" Connor stood up gently with Colin in his arms, the little boy was seven, but he still managed to carry him easily. In grandpa's house, everyone had their own room. Connor and Sarah slept with Jake while Luke, Colin, Jamie and Finn shared a room. It would have to change when Jamie got older but for now, it worked, especially because of how they took care of each other even if they sometimes couldn't stand one another.

Much like him and Claire. "Daddy?" Colin asked, as Connor placed him gently on the bed. "Is grandpa going to stay in the hospital now? Can't they bring him home?"

"No, not right now buddy." Connor said quietly. "He needs someone like Terry to care for him."

"Oh, but he's going to get better, right? Terry's going to fix him, because you taught him how to, He told me and Bobby he's not as good as you but he's going to be." This made Connor smile, even though his life in Chicago wasn't a constant anymore, Connor had tried to keep tabs on Terry just like the rest of the Gaffney gang, but he had a soft spot for the kid, he reminded Connor too much of himself, he had been a rich kid, in his own right, not like he had been an heir, that had been the one difference between them, but he'd given up fame and money to work on something greater than himself, and when he'd gone knocking on Connor's door years ago with the announcement that he was going to be a cardiothoracic surgeon because of him, Connor's weight over the loss of his career became lighter.

But now, as he looked at his son, who expected answers, Connor didn't have any, he didn't want to lie to him, but just as he'd been taught, when you are a doctor, there are no guarantees.

By the third week, Connor was expected to be back at New Amsterdam, but Max had insisted he and Bloom could handle work for as long as he needed. It wasn't like he had taken a lot of time in the almost ten years of working there, but it also didn't mean he didn't worry.

Just adding one more thing to his list.

On a Saturday morning, at the start of their 3rd week, Connor found himself alone with his father again, he seemed to be having a good day, he was alert and would try and talk, but his eyes were mostly focused on the people that came and went from the room, and Connor couldn't seem to be able to shake a gut feeling that made him shiver. He'd been looking at his emails when his father called for his attention. He was thirsty, he'd been hooked up to so many machines up to that point, that that day was certainly a good one as he only breathing with an oxygen mask, so Connor reached for the cup with the straw on the table and held it close to his father's mouth.

Cornelius took small sips, and Connor knew he was struggling. "Just a little Dad, you haven't had any liquids in a few days and it might make you nauseous." Cornelius almost rolled his eyes at him, but refrained from it quickly.

He knew Connor was a doctor, he'd tended to people like him before, for once he was pulling rank with his father as well and he was letting him. He even gave him a little pat on the hand.

That's when Connor knew something was really wrong.

He'd come back into the room after having gone home and changed and his father was sleeping, but his breathing had slightly changed. Connor knew that change all too well and his heart sank in his chest. He knew it was now only a matter of days, hours even for his father's body to finally give in.

"Sarah, babe, uh… you should go get Claire." He'd taken a step outside the room to call his wife.

"What's wrong Connor?"

"I don't… I think he's getting ready to go Sarah."

About an hour later, he'd found himself in the hallway waiting for his family, Monique and Terry beside him. "You made the right call Dr. Rhodes." Terry said, a hand to his shoulder.

"Please call me Connor Terry, it's only right." Terry smiled and shook his hand.

"You want to spend some time alone with him? I'll let you know once your family gets here." Connor nodded.

Will had said it, his father might not be the man he was 10 years before, or even a year, but he was still there and Connor had the opportunity to make amends, even if for the first time in his life, and God, he wished he could, his father couldn't reply.

"Hey Dad." He pulled the chair close to the bed. "Sarah, Claire, Eric, and I think even Katie are coming to see you, and the kids too." He looked down at his hands and then at his father's, they were clammy and he could almost picture the coldness, he reached over to trace his finger against Cornelius's and took in a deep breath. "Man, I don't even know what to say, I mean, I've always managed to have these great comebacks when you would talk to me, but I guess, I've lost my touch." His father's eyes remained closed but Connor tried to find it in himself to continue. "Truth is Dad, I blamed you for everything that happened with Mom, always did, but maybe..." He could feel his eyes prickling with tears. "Maybe if I had been a better son, you'd been a better father. I love you Dad. I'm really sorry about everything that happened before, I know these last ten years haven't really made up for the 20 before, but I tried Dad, I really did." He felt something against his hand, the one that was closer to the bed, his father's finger was brushing his, Connor moved it gently He'd learned to use his left hand for almost everything, a self taught leftie after the accident, but right now, his right hand had responded as his father's cold finger brushed the visible scars in his still slightly stiff fingers.

Connor was almost afraid to look up and stare at him, but all he saw were tears in his father's eyes, mirroring his own.

So... that was sort of cathartic for me to write, most of the idea of how Cornelius is dying mirrors my Dad's situation when he passed away last year. Hope I did it justice and the characters as well.

Please let me know what you think of these last few chapters guys! Thank you for the ongoing support and encouragement!