Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.

One More Try: Chapter One

ARIZONA'S POV

Three years later…

God, I want to be at home. No, I need to be at home. I've been stalling at work for almost an hour now and I'm beyond tired of this. Eliza and I aren't on the best terms right now but she won't talk to me. She won't discuss our issues and I cannot do anything about it. She has every right to be mad but I don't know how we are supposed to work through it if she won't even look at me. I don't know how I'm supposed to make this better between us if we are sleeping in separate rooms and she hates me. I know she does. I can see it in her eyes. I can see how she looks at me with a disgust I've never seen before. I go home. I see my kids. I go to bed. It's been that way for two weeks now and I know tonight isn't going to be any different. I don't want Dillon around this atmosphere we have between us. Nevaeh is too young to even lift her head, but Dillon isn't. She's also a mini version of me so she doesn't miss anything. I'm tired of having to be careful with my words around my eldest daughter, I really am. Things should be good and we shouldn't have hostility in our home. We do, though. We do…and it's killing me the longer it goes on.

Slipping into my car, my head falls back against my seat and I prepare myself for another night of agonizing silence. All I want is my wife to talk to me but she isn't backing down. She isn't giving me anything. I know she is tired and she is about to head back to work in a few days, but I need her words. I need something…anything from her. This was supposed to be a magical time for us. We have a seven-week old daughter and we finally felt complete. We decided a few months after our wedding two years ago that we wanted another baby, but Eliza wasn't able to conceive as easily as we thought she would. It was painstaking but totally worth it. Once that test gave us a positive result, everything else just fell into place. Dillon is so in love with Nevaeh that it actually breaks my heart. They're so adorable together and that is the one thing I've been holding onto since Eliza and I fought two weeks ago. I mean, she told me to sleep on the couch. She told me she didn't want me in her space. I know I messed up and I know that she sees it totally differently to me but I want to work through this. I need to work through this. Pulling my messages up, I send off a quick message and release a deep breath.

Heading home. We need to talk. I love you. Az x

Dropping my cell into my purse and firing up the engine, I pull away from my spot in the parking lot and head in the direction of home. The sound of my daughter laughing is the only thing putting a smile on my face right now but anything is better than nothing. Anything other than silence is good enough for me. I know Dillon will come rushing into my arms the moment I walk through the door, but I want my wife to follow behind her. I want Eliza to just give me one of her adorable smiles and everything to go back to the way it was two weeks ago. Two weeks ago before I'd gone on that night out. Two weeks ago when our life together was the most perfect it had ever been. Just the night before, we had snuggled down with our kids in front of the fire and did a movie marathon. Sure, Nevaeh doesn't know what the hell is going on in life, but it still felt perfect to me. It still felt intense and incredible. Just two days later…I felt like my life was falling apart. Two days later, I was expecting to come home to find Eliza and my kids gone.

I don't know what I'd have done if that had actually happened, but this has gone on for too long now. We have to talk. Even if she needs to shout and say nasty things to me…it's better than the nothing I've been getting from her. I can't live like that. I can't sit in silence every evening and wait for her to break it. I can't be the person who sits around waiting for a miracle because honestly, I'm not sure it will ever happen. I'm not sure she will ever love me again. God, this is a mess. A mess that I seem to have created and I don't even know how it happened. I mean, I do…but I didn't want it to happen. Eliza warned me, though. She warned me and now she seems to think that I did this intentionally to hurt her.

Heading down our street, I pull up the drive and cut the engine. My wife is home but I don't know what I'm about to be faced with. Honestly, I believe that if she had some place to go…she would have gone. She would have left me for the third and final time. I can't even begin to imagine what the situation with our girls would have been but I'm thankful that she has stayed. I'm thankful that she hasn't walked away from me even if it feels like we are living totally separate lives. You are living separate lives, Arizona. Sighing, I climb from my car and grab my bag from the passenger seat. Rummaging through it for my keys, my fingertips connect with them and I pull them out. Slipping them into the lock, I can hear Dillon laughing. It's settling me a little but it's not really changing anything for her mom's, I know that. I know that our kids aren't enough to keep us together and the longer my wife avoids me, the more distance is created between us.

Pushing the door open, I step into our home and it feels just as cold as it did this morning before I left for campus. "Momma!" The sound of my daughter's voice causing a smile to curl on my mouth, I close the door and she comes running. Lifting her into my arms, she wraps her own around my neck and squeezes me tight. "Missed you."

"I missed you, too." Pressing a kiss to her forehead, she wiggles out of my arms and her feet hit the floor again. Just like that…she is gone. To her playroom, but gone nonetheless. Story of my life right now. Moving further into our home, I drop my purse down on the dining table and pull my cell from it. Realising that Eliza didn't text me back, I glance up to find her with her back to me in the kitchen. "Hey…" I clear my throat. "You didn't text me back."

"Didn't receive one." Her tone cold, my shoulders slump and my heart sinks into my stomach just like it does every day when I get this reaction from her.

"Maybe if you checked your cell, you'd have found one from me…"

"Kinda busy with our children in case you hadn't noticed." She moves around the kitchen, her eyes never finding my own. "I'm sure you forget that sometimes."

"Oh, I don't." I counter. "I appreciate everything you do for our family whilst I'm working…"

"Family." She mumbles. "Some fucking family."

"Maybe you could watch the language?" I sigh. "Dillon hears everything and you know that."

"Mm…" She nods. "Let's hope she never hears about your antics."

"You know, I think I'm just going to spend some time with the kids and keep out of your way." My voice breaks. "This is a family, Eliza…our family." I approach the staircase. "And I'm sorry if you don't see me as being a part of it anymore." Shrugging my blazer from my shoulders, I kick off my heels and take the stairs two at a time. Every day it gets harder. Every day it becomes more painful to be around my wife. I thought she would have talked this out with me by now but she just wants to punish me with her silence instead. Her silence, and when she does feel like giving me some words…her attitude.

Putting Nevaeh down for the night, I give myself a few more moments with her before leaving her to sleep peacefully. I'm not sure I'll ever truly sleep again. Backing up out of her room, I close the door over a little and head down the hall to my office. Dillon has been sleeping for the past hour or so and once she is down, we don't hear from her until the morning. I could watch her sleep forever but I have a ton of work on right now and I may as well spend some time on it since my wife can't bear to even breathe the same air as me anymore. Deciding to grab myself a glass of wine before I begin said work, I take the stairs quietly and reach the lower level of our home. Eliza is sitting on the couch watching one of her shows but I don't expect her to have anything to say to me. "Did you want a glass of wine?" I ask. Just like I do every night.

"Got one." She speaks barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said I've got one." She says a little louder. "Do I need to check on the kids?"

"Unless you doubt my parenting abilities…no." Rounding the counter, I pour myself a glass of red and watch my wife for a few minutes. She knows I'm watching her but as usual, she isn't giving me anything. "Can we talk?"

"Nope."

"Eliza, please?" I know I'm begging her like I do every night but I'm wasting my time. She has no intentions of listening to anything I have to say so I don't know why I'm bothering. Honestly, I don't even know why we are still together. "Just…I love you." Sighing, I drag my feet back through our home and towards the staircase.

"Sure, yeah." She doesn't even say it back anymore. That's how I know things are serious. That's how I know she hates me.

"I have some work to do so I'm heading up to my office."

"Private business, huh?"

"Uh…just papers from class." I furrow my brow and turn back hoping to see her gorgeous eyes. Those eyes that hold nothing for me anymore. Nothing worth seeing anyway.

"Nothing from Debra?" She scoffs. "You spend a lot of time in your office lately…"

"And you know exactly why I'm spending time in my office," I reply. "When my wife doesn't want to be around me, where else am I supposed to go?"

"Wherever you like." She shrugs.

"Eliza, do you want me to leave?" I'm not sure I even want an answer to this question but I need to know what we are. I need to know if she will ever forgive me. "Do you want me to pack up my crap and go?"

"Do you want to go?" She counters, her eyes still fixed on the tv screen in front of her.

"No, I want you to talk to me." I breathe out. "I want you to tell me how you are feeling. What you're thinking…"

"Yeah?" She glances my way for the first time all night. "You want to know how I'm feeling?"

"Yes." I give her a sad smile. "Please?"

"Disgusted." She spits. "Hurt. Cheated. Pathetic."

"I get that." I drop my gaze. "It wasn't how you think it was, though…"

"And that matters?" She raises her eyebrow.

"Well, yeah." I scoff. "You are willing to take your friend's word over mine. Of course, it matters." Eliza has become close friends with one of the newer professors on campus. Becky seems great but since this all happened, I could strangle her. Eliza will not tell me what she said, but judging by the way she is treating me, it wasn't anything good. I know what happened in that bar two weeks ago and I know it wasn't anything that I wanted.

"Mm, and my friend saw it all so why shouldn't I believe her?"

"Because I'm your wife, Eliza." I close the distance between us a little but she tenses up. "I'm the woman you married. The woman you share two gorgeous kids with."

"You're also the woman who kissed someone else…" The venom in her voice is astounding. "You're the woman who kissed someone else and god knows what whilst I was at home looking after our five-week old daughter."

"I'm sorry." My voice breaks. "I don't know what Becky told you, but I want to give you my side."

"I don't want to hear it." She holds up her hands. "You kissed her and that is good enough for me."

"Is this punishment for the time you did the same thing?" I ask, genuinely intrigued. "When you kissed Sasha all those years ago and I wouldn't hear you out. Are you just trying to get me back?"

"That wasn't the same thing." She shakes her head in disagreement. "Don't try and make this seem less than it is."

"You wouldn't know because you won't hear me out." I grit my teeth. "You know what, I'm not doing this anymore." I back away. "If you want me out of here, just say. I'll find somewhere to go…"

"What about those two gorgeous kids we share?" She rolls her eyes. "The ones you didn't give a second thought when you were with her." I don't know what the hell Becky has told her but I'm certain it is all totally wrong.

"I'll come by and see them every morning and every night. I'll take them whenever I can." I cry. "I can't live like this with you, Eliza. I love you more than anything but I can't exist in this house with you. It's killing me."

"You should have thought about that before you kissed Debra. I mean, I don't even want to know what else went on…" She laughs. "And if you want to go, then go…I'm not stopping you."

"No, and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't care." Tears fall freely from my eyes as I back up a little. "I'll pack up my stuff tomorrow."

"Awesome." She breathes out.

"I had taken the day off to hopefully be with you and the kids but I guess I'll do something with them both in the morning and then I'll get out of your way."

"You do what you gotta do." Her eyes return to the screen to my right. "I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed…"

"Excuse me?" I furrow my brow.

"It all makes sense." She shrugs. "I was just getting over a birth and I wasn't feeling good. I know how sexually active we usually are and you clearly couldn't wait until I felt like myself again."

"Y-You haven't just said that." I close my eyes. "Don't dare tell me that I didn't want you."

"No, you probably did." She nods. "But I didn't want to be intimate. So…you went elsewhere. Debra, though?" She scoffs. "Of all the people, you chose her?"

"I didn't choose anyone." I give her an incredulous look. "You really think I wanted to kiss her? You think I wanted her instead of you?" I spit. "Wow, that's fucked up."

"Yeah, and you fucked up."

"Is this it for us?" My hands are trembling, my glass ready to fall from my grasp any moment now. "Are we over, Eliza?"

"Go to your office, Arizona." Taking the controller in her hand, she surfs the channels and completely dismisses my existence.

"I guess I have my answer." I set my wine glass down on the coffee table. "I'm going to bed. I won't be here when you wake."

"Fine."

"I'm taking the girls out…give you some time to yourself. You need a break." I want to hold her and I want us to be okay, but Eliza clearly doesn't want the same things. "And so you know, what happened with you and Sasha years ago? That is exactly what happened to me…"

"Goodnight, Arizona."

"The least you could have done was give me a chance." I shake my head. "The shit you have put me through over the years…I deserve more than this." Heading for the staircase, my body feels heavy and my eyes are burning. I do deserve the opportunity to explain myself but I know better than anyone just how stubborn Eliza can be. I'll miss being around in the night for my kids, but I'd never expect my wife to leave. I'd never expect her to pack up and go and she knows that. It's why she's made no attempt to do it. So, I'll allow her whatever space she needs and I'll be here for my kids whenever they need me. I've never felt so detached from my life as I do right now and it's only causing me to slowly die inside. I can't live this way. Eliza hates me and I know that, but our kids don't deserve this. Dillon doesn't deserve any of this. The silence. The short sentences. She deserves complete happiness and I'll give her that one way or another.

Eliza can have this place. It's brought me nothing but bad luck anyway…

Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.