Disclaimer: Yea, nah, not mine.

Sorta PoA, set in the third book.

Another Reason to Loathe Mondays

Severus Snape had never liked Mondays. He'd hated them as a child; Monday was the day the bill collectors had always come, which made his father…even 'testier' than usual. He'd continued to develop his hatred for Monday as a student at Hogwarts; Mondays meant an end to beautiful isolation and forced interaction with his classmates, which included those Merlin-damned Marauders. And he continued to refine that hate for them now, as a teacher at his alma mater.

For all the whining his students made about homework, they didn't have to mark it. They didn't have to waste hours trying to read the chicken scratch that several students tried to pass off as penmanship. Nor did they have to attempt to decipher the illogical babble written on the parchment that the students claimed to be perfectly good answers. But the influx of marking, however aggravating, was not the main cause of Severus' ever decreasing tolerance for Mondays.

That accolade was given primarily to the current staff of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Especially the Gryffindor portion of the staff….actually…just the Gryffindor staff. The Hufflepuff faction knew better than to 'include' him in their sappiness. And the Ravenclaws and his fellow Slytherins on the staff also preferred to be left to their own devices…though one or two of them were quite happy to engage in all manner of conversations over the meal table.

Headmaster Dumbledore was chief of the culprits. Every Monday, without fail, he'd be humming flowery tunes while overdosing on sugary tea (And ignoring Madame Pomfrey's disapproving glowers and mutters about his blood sugars) and would, without fail offer, the staff samples of the latest muggle lolly to catch his attention (Admittedly, some of his choices were very much appreciated by Severus…not that he'd let the old man know). Much to Severs' annoyance, Albus seemed unaware that there could be a differing opinion to the seemingly Gryffindor philosophy that Mondays were a reason to…'frolic' or what the lion equivalent is.

In Severus' opinion, not helping the matter was the fact was that Monday was the one day of the week that Albus was most insistent that his potions professor needed a love life. And Minerva would be close behind, exclaiming enthusiastically about the possibilities a new week brought in one breath, and in the next breath would be her expressed desire to see Severus 'settle down with a nice witch or wizard'. (Severus refused to admit Minerva's motherly concern for him was in any shape or form appreciated. Because it wasn't. Even if it was nice to have someone worrying over his well-being.)

…and Lupin. Bloody Remus John Lupin. Blasted werewolf seemed to be addled after all those years with Potter and Black. Six months into his teaching tenure and Lupin had yet to figure out that Severus required a minimum of three cups of very strongly brewed espresso before any form on interaction with Severus could be advised.

…actually, anything requiring pleasant conversation should always wait until Friday evening, after two glasses of whiskey.

Gryffindor bravery, Severus had deduced after spending more than half his life surrounded by the lions, was based purely on recklessness and obliviousness.

This Monday, Severus was only on his first cup of the day…

"Good morning Severus." Remus enthused, buttering a scone. "Have a good weekend?"

"…Mpghflfmrg." An inelegant response form his espresso filled mouth was accompanied by a tired glower.

Lupin grinned in reply. "Ah yes…we're nearing the end of the term aren't we? I daresay most of us are hanging on for the holidays."

"Mmmphfy." Shut up. Go away. Severus thought heatedly, trying to will the message from his mind and into Lupin's brain. He finally finished his first cup and quickly began to prepare his second up of espresso. As Lupin continued to chatter, Severus found himself wondering if he'd end up killing the werewolf right over the breakfast table. Severus, preferring to stay out of Azkaban, promptly reined in his dark thoughts of murder and promptly tuned the Gryffindor out instead, focusing solely on his coffee.

"…what do you think, Severus?" Lupin's voice suddenly cut through his espresso-induced bliss a few moments later.

...what? Setting his espresso down with a sharp 'clink' onto its saucer, Severus blinked once before settling his gaze on Lupin's expectant expression. Hells Bells. He thought. It's too early for this.

"Yes, yes, whatever." Severus sniffed, waving a dismissive hand. "Now let me finish my espresso in peace, Lupin."

Remus' expression lit up, a wide toothy grin adorning his face. "Excellent." He fairly purred. "Excellent. I'll meet you at the Three Broomsticks then, 6 PM. My treat since I'm the one who asked you out."

…Hold up…

WHAT?!

Suddenly Severus felt distinctly cornered. And Lupin was a marauder so this was not a good feeling. Not at all.

Remus continued to grin toothily as he bent in close to Severus' ear. "You really should drink your three cups before leaving your quarters, Severus. You're too malleable for own safety first thing in the morning." He chuckled breathily, sending waves of warm air spilling over the side of Severus' face and neck. Severus felt a light blush creeping over his face in response. "I'll not complain though as it's given me a date with you. A date you agreed to in Dumbledore's hearing, I might add." With a cheeky grin, Lupin stood, trailing a hand down Severus' back, just as Severus caught the ecstatic looks on Dumbledore and McGonagall's faces as the elderly staff members watched their former students.

"6pm Severus." Lupin reminded in a murmur. "Try not to be late. I'd hate to ask Albus to check in on you." That said, Lupin spun on his heel and strutted out of the Great Hall.

Fuck.

Mondays never went well for Severus Snape.

(This would be loudly and grandly discredited by Remus, several years later, at their anniversary dinner.)

終わり

I wrote this when I was having a bad Monday. Crack makes Mondays bearable. Fact.