Rabbit Hearts

Prologue

Kaguras Pov:

Kagura couldn't control the very thing that defined her, the thing that ties her to her ancestors, her mother and father... and her brother. That damaging mark, permanently tattooed into her veins. She could still taste it on her tongue, metallic like blood but sweet like sugar. She could spend a lifetime tasting that for it was way more addicting than any other drug in the entire universe. It is horrible and she herself is horrible. That horror never left her alone, constantly dwelling in the back of her head like it somehow belonged there. She could never rest, knowing that she was fully capable of turning her fists towards her loved ones. It was a curse.

Her yato blood, her will to fight, it flowed through her veins and filled her lungs with a grazed and shrieking laughter. It's madness. Ever since yoshiwara (which had been about six days ago), everything had slowly but surely gone down the drain. She laid awake most nights, fearing the very thought of sleep. For she knew, if she did somehow fall asleep, it would probably not a be a peaceful slumber. Nightmares plagued her mind, causing chaos left from right. They were always the same. She would see herself, eyes wide and lips fashioned into a manic grin. Her pupils were wide and dilated. Whenever she blinked, a new constellation of blood smeared itself onto her lashes. Her face was completely stained with the red fluid, dripping down her chin and staining her teeth.

The laugh that came through her lips was shrill and raw like broken bells. She could hear as well as feel the assault of fast and irregular heartbeats. It pounded away in her eardrums and caused her ribcage quake. Adrenaline guided her every move and she was a slave to her instincts. So as the slave she was, she fought, killed and butchered everyone and everything around her. Tearing apart anything that stood in her path. All reason had left her and in those dreams she didn't care if she killed her loved ones. She carved herself a path of blood and broken bones, leading to the only one who could keep up with her.

Her hands reached out, trying to catch a long vermillion braid, though it always slipped through her fingers like grains of sand. Like air, like nothingness. She was once again left behind, too far away… not enough. Not good enough, not fast enough... not strong enough. When she woke up, tears clouded her eyes and a horrid shriek clawed its way out of her throat. In those dreams… which almost felt like a reality, she had been a slave to the sensation, to the lust, to the ecstasy.

She had vowed to never become a mindless killer like Kamui. She wanted to choose her own battles. However night by night and day by day, it became increasingly harder to keep that promise. Ever since she had given in to her yato blood in yoshiwara, her attempts to keep it from resurfacing again began to fail one after another. It was painful. Maybe this is what happens when you've kept it chained down and locked away for the majority of your life. Once you let it loose, it goes on a rampage and you can't even remember how you've kept it at bay before. It's… next to impossible.

"Maybe this is what you deserve," a voice hissed at her in the dark.

It took a moment for her to recognise it as her own. Blinking rapidly and shaking her head furiously, she managed to convince her troubled mind that blaming herself for this was pointless… even if it really was her own fault. Kagura looked over at the clock, it's digital numbers glowed green in the dark. 2:45 they read. She wasn't tired which was a true blessing. She doubted she could even fall asleep right now anyway.

Late nights are for pondering over old mistakes and so that was exactly what she did. Only her mistakes didn't feel so old and they all morphed into the form of her brother. Her yato instincts screamed out for him, yearning to feel his skin beneath her fingers and his blood on her lips. His perfect face… His face was a peculiar one, at least to her.

She had always believed him to look much like herself but that was back in the day when they were mere children and she was young and naive. As she matured over the years, their differences became many and strikingly clear. His eyes had always been a bit darker, his smile a bit sharper, she really did not think much of it when she was young. She really should have. Now, as age had done it's job on him, his fine features stood out to her. A strong jaw, sharp cheekbones and thin, lean lips. He was a morphed structure of both their father and mother and Kagura could see more of herself in his pale face than she was willing to admit.

"Kamui… what do I do now?" she whispered out to the silence.

A small, broken whisper, repeating the words she'd said many times before, during the rainy days when she'd been small and cold and sad. She had looked up to Kamui like he was a god, all of her love in a physical form. Merely because he was and still is taller than her but also because she relied on him. Only on him. After all, mommy always stayed in bed and papi rarely came home. He was her only friend, adored companion and protector. She looked to him for answers, for comfort and unyielding support. Which of course, blinded her in turn. She simply loved him and that's why it hurt so much when he crushed that love in the palm of his hand.

He was 12 when he left her… that would make him 22 now, if she did her math correctly. She hated him for abandoning her and she still does, only nowadays, it had slightly diminished into a hurtful throbbing instead of a choking sorrow. Her aching sense of loss never left her and she highly doubt it ever will, however it has been overshadowed by a burning fury. Nothing would improve, especially not after the clusterfuck that was yoshiwara. Kagura had wanted to fight him, to make him hurt somehow and well… she kind of succeeded. She only hoped it would have been different.

Over the years she'd been replaying the moment they would meet again, over and over again. Anxiously anticipating it. She had it planned out, what she would say, how she would act. She didn't even entertain the possibility that she may never see him again... too afraid to accept it as an outcome. In the end, she did meet him and her carefully crafted plan had gone out the window the second her eyes met his. She didn't really have the time to act either… but even if she did, she's not sure she would have followed her plan. The uncontrolled Yato blood in her only made it less likely, which was proven later on.

She lost control when she fought Abuto and practically wiped the floor with him, destroying everything in the process. The reason for her first outburst had been the cries of pain from Shinpachi. After that she had done her best to suppress it, frightened by the beast that she knew she could turn into. But… somehow, she became dispatched from herself, helplessly overwhelmed with emotions. They blinded her vision with a crimson hue, red like her bleeding heart. The only thing she could focus on was Kamui, standing on that roof with his twisted smile and way too sharp teeth. That had been the beginning of a disaster.

She rushed to fight him, to make him feel the pain she'd felt. She wanted to prove him wrong, to show him just how strong she can be, how worthy she can be. She tried to prove herself without the bloodthirsty gift her Yato instincts offered her. How stupid of her to think she could actually choose. It took her anyway, forcing its way through her nervous system and entering her bloodstream. It surprised her with the intensity, so different from the last time. It was special, stronger, more sickening. And she couldn't fight it, she just couldn't. It washed over her, clouding her mind in a thick fog of bloodlust and unnerving excitement. Fighting with Abuto, she'd felt like a rabid beast… but fighting with Kamui, she'd felt like a raging monster.

Even if she did in fact "lose" to him, the expression on his face was almost worth it. His eyes were wide open with bewilderment and a ferocious grin marred his his beautiful face. He was shocked to say the least and Kagura couldn't help but bask in his undivided attention. Finally, she had his acknowledgment, his awe. She loved every second of it and in that moment she didn't see anyone else but him. Sadly. When the spell was finally broken by none other than Kamui himself, it came back to her like a tidal wave.

She could see broken things around her and the stares she got from the onlookers cut her in half, like butter. On the roof of yoshiwara, she laid there, motionless and just staring. Refusing to believe her own eyes, she tried to look away, to somehow dissolve into nothing. It was hard and she couldn't help but flinch as Kamui turned her head around, though she was grateful because she didn't have the strength to turn around herself. The sun lit up his hair, making it stand around him like a bright, bleeding halo, illuminating his snowy skin in a pearly glow. She realised two facts that day as she laid broken and bruised under her brothers heavy gaze. The revelations were as clear as his blue eyes. They hung over her like an ominous cloud of horror and sadness, out there for everyone to see.

One: she is now a monster, just like Kamui and exactly everyone could testify to that. Two: she is also a lost girl of sixteen summers who only wanted drown in her brothers arms... the one she thought she knew. Kagura could still remember the tears that burned her cheeks like it was yesterday. The ghost-like touch of Kamui's rough thumb on her lips was the last thing she felt before losing consciousness. He had probably said something but she never heard it. Now she only felt shame and she couldn't possibly forgive herself. She couldn't stand the way everyone looked at her after that. She probably won't ever forgive herself for losing control like that again.

If Kagura wanted to protect her family, she first needed to learn how to protect them from herself. Is she doomed to lose her mind every time she sees her brother now? The young Yato needed something to distract her from her scarring thoughts. The digital clock was that distraction. Looking back at the clock, she starts rethinking about staying in bed. Now would be the perfect time to train. She didn't have to worry about someone getting hurt since no one in their right mind would be up at this ungodly hour. Much less in the woods. Kagura really needed to get stronger, she needed to establish control over her yato instincts. Even if it sometimes feels hopeless.

Making up her mind, she slowly slid the closet door open and peeked out. She was shocked to see that the lights were on. Gin lazed around on the couch, dutifully committed to his jump. She could clearly hear a crunching noise from the chips he was eating and kagura rolled her eyes. Why was that idiot even awake? As quiet as humanly possible, she closed the door again and flopped down on her pillow. For some reason, confrontation with other people right now was incredible off-putting.

It's not like Gin would let her go out for a "walk" in the middle of the night as well. It wasn't hard to see that he had been worried about her ever since yoshiwara. Not only him but Shinpachi and the others as well. It's so obvious that they seemed to look at her in a different light… Something wet trailed down her chin and she choked on the lump in her throat. Kagura quickly wiped away the lone teardrop and took out her iPod from the small space at the foot of the closet. It was like a thin shelf where she kept some of her belongings. Plugging in a pair of worn out headphones, she started to blast some melodic notes in her ears.

True faith by New order filled up her ears with a blinding noise. The tunes and vocals entertained her cloudy mind to the point where she couldn't focus on anything else but the sound. It drowned out the world and she gently spaced out, floating away to faraway places. A warm, safe place with twinkling stars and colourful meteorites. A place with shimmering planets, floating around like globes of ice and glass. A galaxy painted in the shades of green. Here, there were no hints of sapphire eyes or bloody smiles, as far as the eye could see. She knew better than to fall asleep… yet somehow, the sandman creeped up on her with ease and dragged her down into a deep slumber. Kagura fell blindly into comatose.