Chapter One: No Other Choice

Monsieur Papierwaite leaned back in his office chair and sighed. It was the end of a very long and anticlimactic day, and not one person had visited his museum! Which has some of the finest collections in the world. Honestly, people are so uncultured these days. Well, at least things were quiet enough for him to work...

"Your museum has been empty for the third time this week, honestly… I don't understand why you thought it would be profitable working as a curator." Pointed out a voice that was all too familiar. "Perhaps you should try investing in some sort of advertisement, grab the people's attention somehow?"
Papierwaite rolled his eyes and unbuttoned his shirt, allowing Dr. Norrington to emerge from his chest. "The giant sign is enough my Master, besides… it's not like anyone would care.."

"Where is this attitude coming from, you didn't used to sound so defeated-"

"Yeah well who's fault is that?!" Hissed the sorcerer.

Dr. Norrington tilted his head up to his host, seemingly concerned."...Or… passive-aggressive… Maybe a little time off would be of some help?"

Papierwaite reached for today's newspaper, irritably flicking it outward to straighten it. He ignored what his master had said and concentrated. "You don't even like the sports section! Would you just listen to me for a moment?" Suggested Dr. Norrington, taking his claw and tugging lightly on the newspaper.

"Cease your grabbings!"
"Ah, and he speaks."

The museum curator grunted and folded the newspaper, setting it down neatly on his desk. "Enough of this, I need some air." Said Papierwaite, almost whining. He got up and stomped toward the door. The elder god exhaled a long sigh and retreated back into his hosts torso. Buttoning his shirt, Papierwaite creaked open his office door. He made a mental note to get the hinges fixed later, although likely, he would forget. Upon exiting his office, he studied the animatron resembling the bone structure of a rather ridiculous creature, known as the Pollosaurous Henway. He didn't understand why he had so little visitors with such fascinating specimens such as this. Perhaps Dr. Norrington was right about advertising, though it's not like he was able to rally a crowd like he used to. Sure, he may still look the same age as the day he tried to summon his master, but in actuality, he was way too old for that. It would be much easier to stick with pamphlets or something. Regaining his train of thought, he stomped toward the museum's front entrance.

"Finally, some peace and quiet." Muttered the sorcerer, leaning back on the door as he closed it. It was a crisp fall evening, the cool air was refreshing to Papierwaite. Quite the contrast to the stuffy, stale atmosphere that was his office. He really should get out more. He rubbed his eyelids with the tips of his fingers; a long day indeed.

Just as he started to drift, a sudden high pitched screech caused his mind to jolt in apprehension. "Cthulhu's wattle! What was that?!" Never in his life had he heard such a noise, whatever it was, it could only mean misfortune for those near. And that was where he was, near. Papierwaite looked down, it was much worse than he had imagined. For what was staring right back at him was…. An infant! The sorcerer scanned the area, no sign of any guardians. They were on their own. Who would have left him this… child?

Papierwaite could handle young children, he could even handle teenagers, barely. But a baby? A drooling… Squealing… Puking machine? He just couldn't. You can't even hold a proper conversation with them, they just sit there, making.. Weird noises. And how unsanitary they were! What was he supposed to do with a baby? But, he couldn't just… Leave them there. That would be unethical. "Um… Hello there… Young one." He picked the child up from the basket they were left in. He wasn't exactly sure of how to hold a child, so he held them at arm's length awkwardly. "I suppose I should take you in, huh?" The baby burbled in response. "I'll… take that as a yes….."

Taking the infant inside, Papierwaite contemplated what he would do with the child. Obviously he couldn't keep them, perhaps he better make a call. Just as he began to walk towards his office door, his ears met the piercing shriek he had heard only a few minutes ago. "Gah! What are you wanting from me?!" Yelped the curator in falsetto. The child's voice softened to a forlorn whimper, making a loose hand gesture toward their mouth.

"You're.. Hungry? Alright.." He huffed. "What do little one's eat?" A light bulb went off in his head, he had the perfect idea! Stepping back into his office, he grabbed a brown paper bag from under his desk, simultaneously setting the child down in his chair. Inside the bag was a simple ham and cheese sandwich with a rather pathetic amount of lettuce thrown in. Along with that, an orange and a container of moist baby carrots. He poured the contents of the lunch he had forgotten to eat onto the surface of his desk. Technically, Papierwaite didn't have the need to consume nutrients, granted he's immortal and all. Though eating made him feel more.. Human. One would think he'd bring less plain foods to savor for this reason, but being a creature of habit, he couldn't help but bring same thing everyday to his work. It was much easier that way. Besides, he had never learned to cook. No wonder he was so frail.

What he needed was a plate, at the very least a paper one. He figured the plastic wrap around his sandwich would have to do. Carefully, he unwrapped the sandwich and placed it atop the brown paper bag. Papierwaite opened the container full of carrots and plopped them onto the plastic wrap.

He looked to his favorite mug, which stood short in comparison to the hefty looking canister full of Earl Grey tea. The mug read "World's Best Curator" in black with the Earth painted a layer underneath it, he had bought it on a whim a few years ago.. And an ego trip. Papierwaite swooped up his precious mug. Using his strength, or rather: lack thereof, he mushed the carrots into a chunky gloop. Then he slopped the orange puree back into the plastic container that previously held its solid counterpart. Now to feed-
Wait a moment, wouldn't he need a spoon? He sighed and picked up the container, he was going to have to do this the hard way. As Papierwaite turned around, he noticed the child was not in the chair where he had left them. "Where…?" The curator set the container back down and searched around his desk. They weren't there. Under it? Nope. Papierwaite huffed and glanced over to his bookshelf. He didn't notice at first, then he heard laughter, childish laughter.

"Young one?" He called out, expecting an answer. Nothing. Was this infant taunting him? No, that couldn't be it. One of that age didn't have the capacity to understand taunting. Perhaps the sleep deprivation was finally getting to him? Though it's not like he could rest much even if he wanted to. That's the price of having an elder god attached to your torso. Nightmares. Every… Single… Night... Hey, a terrifying monstrocity has got to eat, right?

Papierwaite started to remove the books from his shelf, and one by one he flipped them back frantically. He had finally got to the last shelf when he realised, the baby was not there. He groaned. "Where in the watery realms of R'lyeh are you..?" His eyes widened, he knew where they were.
The sorcerer crouched down and threw open the cupboard at the bottom of the bookshelf. The child squealed in delight, as if to say "you found me!" Shaking his head, he picked up the child and looked straight at them. "Do not do that again, bad child!"
"You know…" Said an echoey voice. "They won't understand you.."
"I can see that now master, thank you for reminding me." Papierwaite set the child down in the chair once more, grabbing the container. "But they have got to learn." He held the container up to the child and brought it toward their mouth. The infant turned their head in protest. Defiance. As if he didn't already have enough to deal with. "I thought you were hungry!"
"Perhaps you should let me try, I'm rather good with children."
Papierwaite rolled his eyes. "This is a human child master, they are very much different than what you are used to."

"Babies are all the same if you think about it, you've got to lure them in. Force them to do anything and they make a fuss, I suppose they act rather similar to you in that respect." Dr. Norrington chuckled.

"Stop it with your jokings, I do not act that way!" Hissed the curator.
"Oh yes you do. Now, unbutton your shirt and allow me to do the work for you." He attempted persuasion.
And still Papierwaite protested. "You are going to scar the little one, now leave me be, I know what I am doing!" He tried to feed the infant once more, this time holding their head in place. "Stay still." The child wriggled and screeched. "Again with the shriekings, calm yourself at once!"
With one large chomp, the baby sunk their top and bottom two teeth into Papierwaite's finger. "Owch! What in the..?!" He set down the container and looked at his oozing finger. "You have some sharp teeth…" The child giggled with delight. "Why are you enjoying my pain?!"
"They are not, you're just bad at parenting. Now let me out already, will you?" Offered Dr. Norrington, trying a more calm approach.
"No!" Shouted Papierwaite, grabbing a bandaid from in his desk. He had a lot of first aid in there, noting the amount of times he got hurt. Luckily he healed quickly from wounds, it should only take about an hour. "I can't have you frightening them."
"Papierwaite... look," His master started. "in this debased form I would hardly think so. And even if that were true, I'm sure I would traumatize this child a lot less than you at this rate."
Papierwaite puffed out his cheeks in annoyance. His master was so overbearing. He wasn't that bad at this… was he? Perhaps he would need some help, but not from Dr. Norrington. The idea was too risky, more of a last resort sort of thing. What was he doing earlier… Going to make a call….? "Just.. leave it for now," He said under his breath, "I have an idea."