Hello! So this is a story I've had rolling around for a bit and just decided to write it! I'll create a second chapter but I want to see if you all will like it. So please leave a review or follow the story. Chapters will generally flip from Kylo-Ren/Ben Solo's and Rey's POV. The chapters will be inspired by song lyrics which will appear before any chapter content. I clearly don't own the StarWars universe but it needs to be stated. This is post TLJ with some flashbacks (and some change to what happened in the movie because...well you guys saw it). Anyways enough from me. Enjoy!

And I don't have the heart that you think I do

And you give me so much, it's too much to lose

Heal by Ellie Goulding

Pain. Hurt. Disappointment. They all ripped through his heart like they were his own emotions. But he knew they weren't. They were hers. The sneaky little scavenger, whose hazel eyes seemed to put him in a daze. He reached for her, he could see her, he was so close to her. He just wanted to touch her again. Regain that feeling that seemed too long ago. When they were both feeling so alone, and she reached for him. He could still feel the memories of the way her small gentle touch sent fireworks up his skin.

But then she was gone. That's when he felt it, his heart flooded with emotions, not of his doing. He fell to his knees on the red salt planet. Just moments ago where he was bested by his old master. He could feel his heart ripping with her emotions. He hated himself.

For feeling like this.

For caring how he caused these emotions.

For wishing he could fix them.

He heard the familiar sound of the Falcon jetting off. She was long gone. But her emotions lingered still. He closed his eyes, recalling how she looked at him in the Throne Room.

Oh, how he hated himself.

An annoying voice ripped him from his reverie.

"Sir, shall we go after them?" This caused Kylo-Ren to growl. General Hux backed away a bit but not enough for Kylo.

"No. Let them think they are safe."

"The Council will want answers." Another animalistic growl erupted out of him. The redheaded general had an annoying tendency to think he was more welcome than he was. "The girl needs to be finished…we should hunt them down." That got Kylo's attention. How dare he suggest…hatred and pure anger coursed through his body. He stood up and whirled around.

"I will make this clear only once General. Do. Not. Question. Me." He lifted the general off the ground, pleased to sense the fear in the worm of a man. He dropped him and walked past him. "We will give the Council their answers. Then we will snuff out all aid the Resistance thinks they have." He left the general there to regain himself. Kylo could sense the doubt, the mistrust, it swirled around the people around him. Even some bloody Stormtroopers seemed to doubt his rule already. This angered the young man more than anything else.

Once safely back in his chambers, with the doors locked. He sat on his metal framed bed. He looked around and remembered when she appeared the second time, he was startled but pleased.

[FLASHBACK]

"I can help you." He could feel she was at ends. He turned to see her staring at his tall frame. A red tint creeping up her face, her gaze finally flicked from his bare chest and stared at him. He would smile at the effect he seemed to have just had on the stubbornly strong girl but he had an image to maintain.

"I don't need it."

"Yes, you do. I could teach you the ways of-"

"Darkness." Her face recoiled at him. Disgust. It was clear, he frowned at that feeling. Why could he feel what she felt? He looked and saw her confused.

"You felt it too?"

She was gone before he got an answer.

He was curious though about her. He knew she came from nothing, he threw that fact in her face earlier. He felt regret about that, he saw the flash of hurt in her hazel eyes. Her eyes…they fascinated him. They were a color that reminded him of the deep fall sunsets where he grew up. How the golden flecks melted with the dusty green, it calmed him. He wondered if he could reach out to her. He never really tried, just reveled in the moments the Force brought them together. He closed his eyes and really tried to feel her signature. He knew it well. It was light, warm, like the sun setting because there was a coolness to her aura in the Force as well. He found her, he imagined wrapping himself in her aura.

"Rey…" He pleaded with her. How does she bring this side out in him? No response. But he sensed the change in her emotions instantly. What he once felt as calm turned to anxious, nervous, and even anger. He swallowed and tried again. "Rey?" Then a rush of cold washed over him and she was gone. He snapped his eyes open. This time the hurt and pain were his own. She slammed him out. His head throbbed as if she banged it against a wall. He knew she was powerful in the Force, but how did she so willingly shove him away? He pursed his lips. He will have to look into the archives to find information on Force bonds. Perhaps tomorrow he will try again to contact her. It seemed like hours passed until he was finally able to sleep without the lingering, nagging feeling of her emotions. He decided she too must be asleep. He was relieved she wasn't in distress and was a peace. Almost unwillingly his eyes drifted closed.

"You are nothing…" The hurt instantly flashed in her eyes and in response it felt like he was just punched in the lungs. "But not to me, we could rule together. You and I …we won't be alone again." He outstretched his hand to her. Begging and pleading with his eyes for her to take it.

Her face contorted into a vile, venomous smile. Not hers…it was dark in her eyes…not hers. His mind was screaming at him that this wasn't his Rey. But it was too late. The saber was in her hand and plunged into his heart faster than any human should move.

"Now I'm the monster you wanted right, Ben?" Her voice ripped out. Not hers. Hers was always gentle like a song. This was harsh like Snoke's. "We are monsters together now."

"No…I didn't…Rey…" He was choking on his own blood, her, NOT HERS, eyes were black like a demon creature.

"This is what you wanted Ben."

He flung awake panting, sweating, breathing like he was holding his breath the whole time he was in that vile nightmare. He sensed her, the real her. He looked and saw her before him. Her eyes flicked to his bare chest then back to his eyes. Her hazel eyes relaxed him instantly. It was really her. But before he could speak she was gone. Like a whisper, she wafted away. Leaving the room cold, hollow and empty. Like how his stomach and heart still felt. He frowned, running his hands through his raven black locks. What wicked trick was this? She was close but so far, near but far, here then gone before he could even get a word from her. Before the Throne Room, he would've seen his emotions towards the girl as a weakness. But now, he was unsure. It made him feel more alive than anything else he's done. It was confusing to him. He decided it will remain locked away, his secret. He flopped back and knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep again. Not if that meant seeing a twisted version of Rey. The words the demon still echoed through his mind.

"This is what you wanted Ben." Was it? No he answered himself quickly and harshly. He didn't know what he wanted. All he knew was he needed answers.