The following is a story about Raven's battles after defeating Trigon. She spirals into a depressive episode unlike any she has had before. She begins having panic attacks, cutting, drinking, and almost has sex with a scuzzy bartender before her teammates charge in and save her. Her team can only save her from a moment though, and Raven realizes that it is up to her to really save herself. She uses her friends as the base of her recovery, a support system full of love and hope.

As always, I mess around with their ages and minor details. I haven't watched the series in a while, so please excuse and roll with anything I have altered.

Here's how I picture the Titans in my brain for this story:

I LOVE switching around the Titan's ages, and in my Midnight Girl series (in which I obsessively write about Raven), I decided that she gets to be the baby, because how adorable is feisty, independent, badass baby-of-the-family Raven?

Raven- 17, almost 18

Changeling- 19

Starfire- Who knows? They track age differently on Tameran (as decided by me) The Titans and Star decided she's probably between Robin and Gar, so 19 and some, maybe 20. Not that she cares, really.

Robin- 21

Cyborg- 22

As far as their aged appearances, I'm sure they haven't changed all that much. Probably Changeling hit a growth spurt overnight and I like to imagine that he's got a few inches on Robin. Also, let's give him a fohawk. And he's definitely filled out muscle wise, as well as Robin and Starfire. Cy and Star are pretty much the same, but I like to think that Starfire switched out her girly skirt for a more practical set of shorts. As far as Robin goes, I'm keeping his name Robin because the name Nightwing and Dick bother me, but I think he's altered his costume to the Nightwing model because who wants to look like a traffic light when you're trying to pick up girls?

Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter One

Haunted Dreams

The sky burned. Her skin burned. Red glyphs swirled and formed around her in the air before clinging to her skin, burning themselves into her very being. The tighter Slade wrapped his hands around her arms, the hotter the red glyphs burned into her skin.

"Accept and bow down, Raven. This is your destiny."

"No!"

Slade laughed, and Raven heard the echoes of her father's voice laughing with him as he threw Raven to the ground and climbed on top of her.

Raven screamed as pain took hold of her entire body, she could hear them laughing. Slade. Trigon. His followers. Laughing at her humiliation and pain.

Raven realized her screams were real when she awoke in her dark bedroom, tangled in her sheets, thrashing and shouting at the dark of early morning. She clamped her mouth shut tightly and pulled a pillow over her head, forcing her breath to slow down.

"Ground yourself, Raven," she muttered, her voice shaking with the memory of her latest nightmarish recollection of the lead up to her seventeenth birthday.

Her breath slowed as she silently chanted her mantras, focusing on the here and now. Even her mantras could not shake the feeling of complete isolation, though, and with a frustrated growl, Raven threw her legs over the side of her bed and pulled her cloak towards her. The sight of it's deep purple color irritated her further, though, drawing forth more memories of the many cloaks destroyed in the fight to save the earth and her friends.

Growing more restless by the minute, Raven settled on street clothes, which she rarely wore; she had to rifle through several compartments of her wardrobe before finding a pair of leggings and an oversized black sweater. Satisfied with her comforting look, Raven ran her fingers through her tangled hair and slowly padded down to the main lounge and kitchen, her thoughts on what type of tea she could drink to help soothe her frazzled nerves.

She took a deep breath, put on her most neutral Raven face, and lightly strode through the heavy doors and into the Titans' lounge.

As she had expected, the team had already emerged from their rooms. BB and Cyborg already sat on the couch, arguing about which video game to play, Starfire sat cross-legged on the floor, trying to train Sylkie to do back flips, and Robin sat on his laptop at the kitchen table, brows knit together as he read up on Azar knows what.

Although no one looked at her when she entered the room, pausing for only a moment to assess its inhabitants, the empath could feel that the air was tense, as if her teammates and adopted family were trying to hide something from her. She ignored it. If they wanted to talk to her, they would.

Robin glanced up from his work when Raven entered the kitchen. He tried to hide his surprise at her casual wear, but Raven noticed. She again chose to ignore it.

"Raven."

"Robin."

"Make me a cup?"

Raven paused near her tea kettle, fighting the emotions that had started to rise. Tea, normally a comfort and joy to drink, brought a distaste to her mouth.

"Actually," she said slowly, "I'm having coffee this morning. Would you like one?"

This time, Robin could not hide his surprise, and, Raven noticed immediately, neither could the team, who now stared openly, mouths dropped in shock. Again, Raven chose to ignore it, which only shocked them further.

"Oh. Uh. Yeah, Raven. Yeah I'll take a coffee."

Cyborg tried to cover his stares, "Yo, Rae. Make me one too?"

"I too will partake in the ceremonial coffee drink!"

Garfield still stared at Raven, and only once Cyborg smacked him on the back of the head did he try to cover it up, "Yeah! Only no milk products in mine. I'll use soy milk. And four spoons, no. Five spoons of sugar!" He paused as Raven quirked an eyebrow at him, "Uh, please?" He finished lamely.

Raven set to work, meticulously brewing the coffee and tailoring each one to suit her team. She finished up and sat at the table, where everyone had now gathered, another rarity for her. Old Raven would have sat in the armchair away from the gathering. New Raven looked pointedly at Garfield until Cyborg shoved him over on the bench to make room for one more person to sit.

They sipped their coffees quietly, all lost in thought. Raven gently let out her empathetic feelers. She could sense their obvious confusion, mingled with relief of her normalcy and an obvious distrust for it.

"So," Raven broke the silence, her quiet, boyish voice cutting through the unsure atmosphere. "Any plans for the day?"

"Yeah dude! Me and Cy are trying out this new game called 'Revenge of the Zombie Man-Eaters' where—"

"Gar, no. We're not. We're trying MY new game."

The two started back into their earlier argument, throwing insults and facts about their chosen games back and forth.

"I am trying to train Sylkie to do the tricks, although he much prefers eating the treats to playing dead…" Starfire trailed off, staring sullenly at the obese creature gnawing on the bag on treats she had tried to use as motivation.

Robin took the opportunity to ask a casual question, "You know me, I'm always working. How'd you sleep last night?"

The air paused again, and Raven knew that they knew, which embarrassed her to no end; it was one thing to be youngest, and another to be the dark one, and a whole other thing to be the young, dark, scared one. She paused her breathing and let her empathetic knowledge further feel out her teammate. Raven focused on casually bringing her coffee mug to her lips, letting the still scalding liquid sting her mouth.

"Fine. You?"

"Hm," Robin grunted, "Fine. A little restless. I kept thinking I could hear someone crying. It was odd."

Starfire interjected, "I too slept not so well last night. Something seemed to keep me up as well."

Garfield paused mid-drink and looked from Robin to Raven, who had not yet broken eye contact.

Raven's eyes finally fell to the table. She set her mug down and pulled her slender hands into her lap. Without looking up, she whispered, "What do you want from me, Robin?"

Robin set his coffee down, too, "Raven, I don't want anything from you. We," he motioned to their teammates, who were frozen with anticipation, "Care about you."

Raven hunched over, almost unconsciously.

Robin reached his hand across the table, and when he spoke, his voiced mirrored Raven's own hushed tone, "Your eighteenth birthday is this week, Raven. I didn't forget."

"How could you," Raven hissed, causing Robin to retract his offered hand, "I destroyed the world this time last year. Because of me you all almost died. Because of me Slade came back. Our city, our home, was ruined. Because of my birthday," her voice rose in volume and she stood suddenly, sending her chair crashing to the floor. The five mugs of coffee at the table shattered, splattering the Titan's with the still warm liquid and causing Starfire to yelp with surprise. "Because I was so unfortunate to have been born, you all now have to suffer for it!"

Before anyone could say anything, Raven whirled away from the table and disappeared through a portal, leaving smashed ceramic mugs and spilled coffee in her wake.

Robin sighed and stood to get a towel.

"Man, why'd you do that here?" Cyborg shook coffee off of his metal hand. "That was 14 year old Beast Boy levels of stupid."

"Aw, man! I was 14! Gimme a break!" Garfield rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"I hoped talking about it casually would work."

"I do not believe that your chosen form of communication was casual."

Robin sighed, "Thank you, Star."

"Perhaps I should go see if she is okay?"
Cyborg shook his head, "No. She could be anywhere, besides, you know Raven. She needs to be alone."