The Parental Project

It's a Monday when Ms. Pomfrey arrives later than usual to their Health class carting behind her a bin full of fake babies and Lily Evans immediately knows that it's going to be a shite week.

She's an excellent student if she does say so herself, but she's been dreading the fake babies since the term started. She's not exactly parent material. The only experience she's ever had keeping something alive is a goldfish which lasted three days.

Or maybe two.

She woke up to a dead fish so estimated time of death was iffy on that one.

More than anything though she's concerned over who her partner is going to be for this damned project because she doesn't do well with partnered work. She's too controlling and doesn't like her grade being in the hands of someone else. If she wanted someone to help her out, she'd ask them to lower her into her own grave which, she feels, is basically what you're asking a group project partner to do.

"This week we're going to start the infant project," Pomfrey's words startle Lily out of her own thoughts. "You and your partner will be in charge of taking care of the baby for a week. Your baby will have a unique cry for each of its needs- diaper, hunger, attention. Very simple."

Simple, Lily snorts.

"There is an abuse light on your baby that will flash if any harm comes to it so let that be a warning Mr. Black."

"I'll have you know I'm fantastic with kids," retorts Black, leaning back so far in his chair that the front two legs are lifted off of the ground.

Laughter echoes through the classroom and Lily rolls her eyes even as the corners of her mouth tug upwards.

"I just want my baby back in tact, Mr. Black. Now, onto partners-"

Lily's breath hitches in her throat knowing her fate is going to made for her. Knowing that she has no choice in who her partner will be.

If she did have a choice, she would pick someone like Marlene or Mary because honestly what boy is going to take this infant project seriously?

Lily scans the room, trying to determine who a competent partner would be and hoping with everything in her that she doesn't get partnered with Severus.

Things haven't been the same with them since their falling out where he made a bunch of racist slurs to a group of students and then called her a derogatory name.

They are so incredibly broken and she didn't want to bring a baby into that.

Even if it's only a fake baby.

She thinks she wouldn't mind be partnered with someone like Diggory or Fenwick. They're decent students and could possibly make decent fathers.

And then Pomfrey calls out Potter's name with hers.

And Lily considers buying her own shovel.

It's not that Lily particularly minds Potter.

She doesn't.

But he spends a majority of his schooling sitting in the back of the classroom goofing off with his mates.

And Lily doesn't want to be a single parent.

Lily's in mid-groan when Potter plops himself down in the seat next to her, grinning like a mad man. And he is - mad that is. Most of the time Lily finds it secretly endearing, but not today.

"You are to assign your baby a name and work out a parenting schedule between the two of you," says Pomfrey as she hands out babies.

She hands Potter their baby - who had black hair and green eyes that look far too human - and Potter promptly tosses the baby in the air which causes Lily to shriek and snatch the baby up from him.

"Be careful with him!"

"Harry," says Potter.

"Excuse me?"

"Harry," says Potter again. Slowly and mouthing the word out in a very overdone way. "That's his name."

"Harry?"

Lily blinks at the little baby.

And then it lets out a wailing sort of cry that causes Lily to jump.

"Harry," repeats James happily. He grabs the bottle that goes with Harry, sticking it in it's little mouth, and the baby immediately quiets down.

James takes the first shift and Lily spends all of Monday night worried over her - their- baby.

She has bags under her eyes and her hair is in a messy bun when Tuesday morning rolls around and she arrives at school only to find James already there.

And he's wearing their baby.

Literally wearing their baby in one of those expensive wrap things that Lily sees mothers wear out sometimes.

"What are you doing?" she hisses.

"Waiting for class to start?" he says though it comes out as a question.

As though he doesn't realize how ridiculous he looks. As if he doesn't realize he's the only one wearing a baby in the sea of babies that are crying across the school canteen.

Save for Lily and James' baby which is making weird cooing noises as James holds it's little hands and bounces it up and down in place.

"You're wearing it-"

"Harry."

"Fine, Harry. Whatever. You're wearing Harry."

"He likes it."

Lily pauses. He does seem to like it, she realizes as she glances around and sees the different couples struggling with their infants. Mary Macdonald appears to be in tears, her head in her hands, and Fenwick awkwardly attempts to rock their baby.

"Whatever, let me have him and that wrap for the day."

"Mommy's turn," says James handing over the baby and grinning.

This baby hates her.

She was suspicious the moment that James handed him over and he burst into robotic wails.

She thought it even more when he cried through every class she had that day even though she was wearing him just the same as James had been.

And she was certain of it Tuesday night as she paced around her room nearly in tears herself.

The baby- Harry or whatever- hadn't stopped crying the whole day and Lily is at a loss.

She's delirious and fearful of failing and those are her excuses for what she does next.

"James," she says into the phone when he picks up on the second ring. "I need your help."

"There," says James. "Everyone is just fine."

James came over right away bringing with him a little rock n play, a swaddler, and some Starbucks for Lily which made her dissolve into thankful tears.

Post robotic baby hormones will do that to a person, she says.

Lily sits on her bed watching as James wraps the baby up and it ceases its horrid crying. He stands there, swaying from side to side, while cradling the baby before laying it down in the rock n play.

"How did you do that?"

"Hmm," hummed James. "It's not that hard."

"Easy for you to say. It hates me."

"Harry doesn't hate you. He's just colicky."

Lily blinks.

"I've made Harry a playdate with Teddy."

Lily stares back at James dumbly from her place at the table they are sharing in the school canteen. Her hair is up in what she has deemed as a mom bun and she is bouncing Harry on her knee while James finishes his lunch. They had to take turns eating and he had insisted she eat first.

"A playdate? What?"

"Yes, a playdate. With Sirius and Remus' baby, Teddy."

"How'd they managed to get partnered together?"

"Sirius said she needed to be more modern with her pairing choices and frankly I think Pomfrey felt rather relieved to have them paired together. Remus is the responsible parent."

"Oh, why a playdate for a robotic baby?"

"Harry likes Teddy," says James simply.

Lily isn't sure if Harry likes Teddy.

She doesn't know how to judge whether or not one fake baby likes another.

But neither baby cries when they take them to the park and push them on the little swings.

James and Sirius are taking loads of pictures of their babies together and Lily is certain she's in the background looking dumbfounded as she gently pushes Harry in his swing.

"Mad aren't they?" says Remus who is pushing Teddy. "Who knew they would just need to become fathers to settle down a bit. We haven't pulled a prank all week because they've been obsessing over their babies."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm. Getting kind of bored to be honest."

And they are mad.

Completely mad.

But Lily thinks that James has crossed from mad to pure insanity when he asks Sirius to be Harry's godfather and Sirius in turn promises that should anything happen to the two of them Harry would never want for anything.

Completely, utterly mad.

Thursday evening after school James suggests that they spend a family day at the local zoo.

Just the three of them.

He shows up at Lily's house with an infant carseat in the back of his nice sports car and Lily wonders if James realizes that Harry has to return to Pomfrey tomorrow.

Lily is thankful she chose to wash her hair that morning for James is going crazy taking snapshots of Lily and Harry in front of every animal exhibit. He points out the animals he finds most amusing to Harry and Lily suppresses a laugh at the strange looks they are getting.

"Look there, Harry," says James holding the infant up in front of a glass window where a gigantic snake is resting behind it. "Ugly looking thing, isn't it?"

And Lily, feeling a weird sort of emotion that she contributes to being slightly faint from the day in the sun, decides to draw her own phone out and snap a picture of James and Harry.

She makes it her background when James isn't looking.

James asks Lily if she'd like to stay the night since it is their last night with Harry.

His mother, Euphemia, he says doesn't mind and even calls Lily's own parents to assure them of such. Lily's parents, looking tired from what Lily suspects is lack of sleep from Harry's cries, readily agree.

Her dad looks so exhausted that he even forgets to threaten James when he arrives to pick Lily up.

Lily is glad that they agreed on the arrangement when midnight rolls around and Harry is absolutely inconsolable. They take turns rocking, swaddling, feeding, changing him but Harry has none of it and Lily is left to wonder if perhaps Harry has malfunctioned.

She's growing fearful of the abuse light turning on when James suggests they take a drive.

Lily isn't sure if it's the tightly strapped car seat or the bumping of the car going down the road, but Harry finally settles and they find themselves sitting in a McDonald's parking lot sharing a coke and an order of fries that are deliciously warm.

"I'm going to miss him," says James and Lily is taken back by how sad he sounds.

"You really took to being a dad. Even to a fake baby."

"I liked it. I liked being a dad and being your...partner."

"I liked being your partner too," says Lily meaning it.

It grows quite for several moments and James is looking at Lily who is leaning back, resting her head against his leather seats. Lily notices, not for the first time, how beautiful hazel eyes can be on a person and how positively drunk they make her feel when they are turned on her.

"You can kiss me. If you-if you'd like," she whispers.

"I'd like."

And then he's undoing his seat belt and leaning over and their lips are meeting. Hesitantly at first and then Lily opens her mouth to give her more access, moves her mouth with more sureness. He groans as she does so, his tongue finding hers, not quite battling for dominance but rather dancing with it. He's reaching beside her to grab the handle to lower her seat back and she's thankful Harry's on his side of the car.

Friday finally comes and Lily suspects she and James are the only people who are sad to part with their baby.

Except for maybe Sirius who is clutching Teddy to his chest while Remus awkwardly pats him on the back while checking his phone.

Mary and Fenwick practically shove their infant into Pomfrey's hands the moment she steps into the room and most of the class follows.

Harry is the last infant to be returned and James stands in the front of the room for several moments while Pomfrey has her arms open expectantly.

"I think you need to give her the baby now, James," says Lily from next to him.

James sighs, long and hard. "Take good care of him. He likes to be bounced and he's enjoys when you baby wear him."

"Alright, Mr. Potter."

"Oh! And he will only go to sleep if you swaddle him tightly-"

"Yes, Potter."

"And he likes it when you sing to him-"

"Potter-"

"And if that doesn't work he enjoys white noise-"

"James-"

"I bought him a machine. Shite, I should have brought it. He's never going to fall asleep tonight."

"Potter," says Pomfrey. "Please return to your seat. I've got this under control now."

James does as he's told, looking forlorn and positively depressed. Lily rolls her eyes and reaches for his hand. He gives it a squeeze and they stay like that the rest of class.

"Evans! Hey! Evans!"

Lily stops and turns. School has ended and she's standing by her car. Potter is loping towards her and Lily hasn't seen him since health. Though Remus told her he had been crying in the loo over Harry, but she thinks he may have been joking.

"I was wondering," he says slightly breathless, "if you'd like to go on a date this weekend. A proper one."

"A proper date?"

"You know. Maybe a movie and dinner at a place where we don't need a high chair."

"Okay," says Lily bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Yeah, that sounds nice."

"Yeah?"

"When?"

"Saturday night sound alright? I've got a bunch of baby stuff to return tonight. I may have gone a bit overboard."

And he's mad.

Completely, utterly mad.

But that's okay because she's mad for him.